“PeekInside”Real%Sessions%with%TIW%Coaches%and%Clients%Coach...and"then"put"thehouseon"themarket"next"fall."Shewas"excited"about"this"decision"and"most"thankful"...
Transcript of “PeekInside”Real%Sessions%with%TIW%Coaches%and%Clients%Coach...and"then"put"thehouseon"themarket"next"fall."Shewas"excited"about"this"decision"and"most"thankful"...
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“Peek Inside” Real Sessions with TIW Coaches and Clients
(Please Note: Specific personal details within these sessions have been altered to protect the privacy of both coaches and clients)
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Coaching Session Case Study 1:
For this session, I informed Heather that we were going to see if she had any past traumas that may be affecting her money today. I was looking for one of two ways that trauma can show up: 1) as a loss or 2) as a battle, anger or betrayal. I asked Heather if she could connect to any experience in her past, that when she thinks about her finances she can say, “If only that hadn’t happened, I would be so much further ahead.” She immediately connected to a time when she was 21 years old. She said, “If I hadn’t decided to just dive into acting and give 100% to it, and instead developed other skills to make more money, then I could have been making money AND acting!” She had resigned herself to waiting tables. She felt that was her only real choice. She didn’t give herself any other options. When I asked her how she felt about that right now, she replied, “How could I be so stupid?! I’m so angry with myself and I’m the only one to blame.” She started to get choked up and teary sounding. I gently pointed out to her that her reaction shows that the “energy” of this experience is still within her. That it has never been processed and that it blocks her today from manifesting the money she would like to be making. I asked her to rate how true the statement “How could I be so stupid?” was for her today. She replied that it was true at a level 8 out of 10. Again, I pointed out how this belief was playing out in her life today. That it’s possible that she holds herself back from opportunities because she refuses to have that experience again. An experience that left her feeling so angry at herself. She totally got the A-‐ha on this one! She recognized how even today she feels like she has no choice at times. Like she made a decision that “felt like it was the only real choice” at the time. She then feels angry, stuck and trapped and doesn’t realize that she can choose again, rather than just sitting in this unhappy space for years on end. Since her reaction to this experience was so high, I chose to do some tapping with Heather right away. We gave a voice to that 21 year old, and there were a lot of tears in the tapping round. Heather was able to forgive that 21 year old part of herself. She recognized that at that time, she really was doing the best that she could. That she made her decisions based on what she knew at the time. She also tapped on some anger that she was still holding onto around her parents and others that did not support her in her dreams to go into acting. She really wanted to prove them all wrong. I was able to help Heather see that she stills holds that “battle” energy within her. She again had another A-‐ha moment, seeing how triggered she gets whenever her parents “question” her on anything. She immediately feels the need to defend herself and her decisions. She was blown away at this realization. Seeing how it was the 21 year old part of her getting triggered into having to defend herself, to go into battle to prove that others were wrong. It was a beautiful tapping round, with Heather having so much more compassion for not only herself, but for her parents as well!
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After we finished the tapping round, Heather noted that another financial trauma surfaced. She disclosed that she and her husband made a mistake in buying their current home. She said they didn’t really think about their lifestyle at the time. That the home didn’t fit their budget, yet they bought it anyway. She then stated, “We’ve never really had financial freedom since living in this house.” She also shared that this “mistake” keeps coming up in their marriage today, as silent anger, frustration and guilt. She’s angry at her husband for not thinking the purchase through enough. She’s angry at herself for not saying anything for all these years. Heather noted, “I KNEW I should have pushed it more that we move. When we started to see how much of a struggle living in this house was, we should have moved. But, because it would have disrupted our entire life, and the kids, I didn’t say anything. I should have known better!!” I asked Heather to rate how angry she was about this situation. She was angry at a 6 out of 10. I then asked how guilty she felt about not saying anything, even though living in this house has put a strain on their marriage. She felt guilty at a 9 out of 10. Again, because this number was so high, I proceeded to lead her through a tapping round. Again, there were many tears during the tapping. Along with some “FU”’s directed at her husband. She also shared that during the tapping she realized how much fear she was feeling. She felt like she had really seen how big an issue this was for her. She couldn’t keep pretending it wasn’t there. She was scared that since she knew the truth now, she would have to do something about it and it frightened her. After the tapping rounds she was much calmer and had more clarity around what she needed to do. She felt calm and confident that she needed to speak with her husband, to finally tell him how she has felt all these years. She was almost excited to get off the phone and talk to him. Before the session, she didn’t realize how much underlying anger she was feeling toward her husband because of them purchasing the home 15 years ago. She recognized how much strain it has put on their marriage. She also recognized other battle patterns between herself and her husband, stemming from this unresolved issue!! Because of the tapping, she was able to forgive herself in the process. She felt like she really was putting her family first by not saying anything. She didn’t want to upset all their lives by having to move. She also softened around her husband. She realized that he was not intentionally trying to put them into debt by buying this house. He too was doing the best that he could at the time. The biggest take-‐away for Heather though, was the realization that she needed to speak her truth. That she has been doing a huge disservice to herself, her husband and their marriage by holding onto all this anger for so many years. It was a “stewing anger” that seeped through many aspects of their life together and she was not even aware of it until doing these Money Map sessions. We ended the session with Heather stating that she was going to “come clean” with her husband and that she would report back to me how it went. I checked in with Heather a few days after this session and she still sounded “light and happy”. She did have a discussion with her husband and it went very well. He became angry at times, but she said that because of all the tapping we had done, she did not get triggered by him. She let him have his voice as well, and they both came to an understanding. They decided to do some small upgrades in their kitchen
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and then put the house on the market next fall. She was excited about this decision and most thankful that she and her husband were both on board with it. We hung up the phone with Heather feeling extremely grateful for our work together! :-‐D _____________________________________________________________________________________
Coaching Session Case Study 2:
I started the session by reminding Patricia that in our first session, when we completed her confidential Money Map, she had stated that if she actually made her income goal it would mean that she would no longer belong to her social class.
She had said: “I don't know who I'd be or who to turn to, I am from the poor class, my mother worked a few jobs and could barely afford food...”
She remembered these statements and felt sad and discouraged.
I shared with her that there is a huge energetic component to those statements, as I mentioned to her back then, and we had this session to address and change them.
I explained to her that we often make -‐unconscious-‐ vows as children or young adults to our parents, our families and our social class. We have a need to belong in order to survive and we know that alone we wouldn't make it.
The vow, to belong, comes with certain agreements and beliefs that go with the particular group we want to belong to. We often don't realize the impact that those vows have in us.
Given her history, Patricia had decided she belonged to the poor class, and as such, she could not make money, if she did she would break a very important rule and she would be expelled from her tribe. Poor people don't have money... this was #1 to address if she wanted to achieve her income goal.
We tapped on her need to belong to her group and her desire to feel accepted, supported and loved. How mom did not do those things and how she desperately needed that sense of worth from the outside because she never got the love she wanted and needed as a child.
We tapped on all the events and facts that proved mother right, she was not lovable and she deserved to be poor and not succeed... until she took a deep breath and her energy changed!
We looked at how this change and acknowledgement that even when her nervous system was running wild with the belief that she did not deserve because she was “poor... and not good for anything” (as mom has stated) SHE KNEW BETTER TODAY!
We discussed her huge A-‐HA moment, when she recognized her worth, independent of mom, her social class or her history and together did a little dance of celebrating her new insight!
Now, it was time to address the battling vow she had to prove mom wrong. Patricia had very successful workshops and clients, when money was pouring in, followed by periods of famine... when she would get in debt.
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I explained to her that she unconsciously chose to battle with mom, to prove her wrong, to let her know that she was more than a good for nothing, a depressed person that deserved nothing... so she would earn good money and then -‐because of her vow to be loyal and a good girl-‐ she would actually lose all her money proving mom right again.
We tapped like crazy this need to prove mom wrong or right, letting the words cleanse this energy that was keeping her battling, instead of focusing on being a great money manager and enjoying her life.
Patricia was really starting to get a clear picture of her finances, from a historic energetic perspective, recognizing how she was carrying all these beliefs and vows that were keeping her stuck and depressed running in circles in the same hole!
She was extremely grateful, sharing how she felt open to the immense and immediate changes she was noticing in herself, especially connected with her self-‐worth and confidence in her future.
(Celebrating time for ME! I looove this work!)
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Coaching Session Case Study 3: Before starting our session, when I checked in with her, “Patti” stated: “I am always tired, I have a hard time getting up from bed, I am exhausted... I have a can't be bother energy... I have soooo much to do and I feel paralyzed. It's just not worth trying. I have so many opportunities to do what I love and I'm passionate about what I do, I have so many blessings in my life... and I feel tired... I can't be bothered... it's draining...” I guided Patti in the early money paradigm exercise, seeing her caretakers discuss money as a young child. Patti related that her father and father’s brother were discussing money and the feelings that arose in her young self were: desperation, fear... father said: “it's never enough, it's pointless to try because we are never going to have enough, even if I work 20 hours a day it would not be enough.” When talking about people that had money, her uncle said: “they are greedy pigs, selfish, and abusive...” When Patti opened her eyes, I shared with her some important aha moments: Could she see that if as a young child she heard that “it's never enough, it's pointless to try because we are never going to have enough, even if I work 20 hours a day it would not be enough” it made total sense that she felt exhausted all the time, drained, not wanting to get up from bed and to top it off, if she ever did make any money she would turn into a “greedy pig, selfish, and abusive...”
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Could she see that she had no way out? She totally did, and was amazed at how clear it was for her now, her way of thinking about energy, money and her possibility for earning, become totally clear. We tapped on all the feelings and beliefs associated with this early money paradigm, letting go of them, honoring her father for his struggles and positive intentions. We ended with a decision to shift and make new choices based in her new awareness and new consciousness, her desire to shift her reality, sharing her passion with the world and making handsome money for it! After guiding Patti in the visualization where she visits her caretakers being totally successful earning $10,000 a month and being recognized as an expert an eminence in her field, working 15 hours a week she disclosed: “My dad is ecstatic, proud and really thrilled for me... my uncle on the other hand, is very dismissive, stating: “Who do you think you are? How dare you? Now you will turn into them (rich people) and be presumptuous, ugly, abusive and selfish, like my ex... plus even if you have money today, watch out! It will disappear...” This exercise gave Patti huge aha moments, it helped her remember that her father had always been supportive and proud of her, stating “I know you will succeed, I see it in You, You will really overcome this situation (being poor) and go beyond, you don't have to struggle like me!” She had always believed that it was her father who was dismissive and judgmental of her, when it was actually her uncle. Her uncle had been married to a wealthy, selfish, and abusive woman that left him bitter and disgruntled. She had a beautiful aha moment and after a pause said: “I would be actually honoring my father if I succeed, I would honor his sacrifice and all his hard work, his desire for me to move ahead in life! I truly see it now!” At the end of this session, Patti was again so grateful to this process and my dedication to her, as well as my sharing how I saw her potential, her light and her ability to manifest the life she truly wants. I feel deeply inspired by how Patti has been transforming, un-‐covering what has been holding her back, feeling thrilled and freed from her previous programming! She is now ready to make new choices to create the life she wants. _____________________________________________________________________________________
Coaching Session Case Study 4:
I began the session by asking “Melanie” if there was an event from the past, that really had an impact on her at the time and the impact of it is still showing up in her finances as a dollars and cents reality.
I barely had the question out of my mouth when she launched into the following story…about 15 years ago, her relative asked her to help buy a house that he wanted to fix up and flip. It turned out to be a
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disaster, in which Melanie ended up paying the mortgage payments until she exhausted her savings. At this point, her relative convinced her to take out a huge line of credit, pay off his credit cards and that would enable him to raise his credit score and buy the house from him. He then proceeded to give his new business partner a huge chunk of that money. Also, unbeknownst to Melanie, her relative then opened up two credit cards in Melanie’s name, a line of credit which he and his partner then racked up.
By the time Melanie discovered that all of this had happened, it was really too late to do anything except declare bankruptcy. This was totally devastating to her, she reported. She was so racked with shame, depression and anger that she became “non-‐functional,” as she put it. On the verge of a nervous breakdown, she was put on several medications so that she could just get through each day.
Melanie’s bankruptcy lawyers urged her to pursue her relative and his partner for credit card fraud but other family members urged her not to. She complied.
At this point Melanie was crying. I pointed out that despite the fact that this happened a long time ago, that it is obviously still affecting her at a deep level. Of course she is angry and upset but what I really wanted her to see was that there was obviously still a tremendous amount of emotion running through her system and all of these emotions were really costing her, not just in terms of her mental health but also very likely in terms of her income.
All this unprocessed, invalidated, unhonored grief, anger and sadness—all this stuck energy—was impacting her ability to create the life and the income she wanted in the present. This statement totally resonated with her. She admitted that she hasn’t been able to make more than $30k a year since the bankruptcy. [I made mental note to work with her on this in a future session.]
I decided to first tap on all of her rage at her relatives using the language that she had provided when we spoke: “How could he have done this to me,” “How could my own family betray me like this… not once but twice!,” “The fucking bastard,” “The scoundrel!,” “How could my relatives have sided with him?”, “Why was it him that they chose to protect instead of me?” etc.
I let her rage and rage and as she did the tears started to flow. [I told her that tears are perfectly okay. In fact, it’s a sign of energy moving, toxic energy leaving her body.]
When her SUDS had moved from an 11 to a 7, we next moved onto her rage at herself: “How could I have been so stupid?”, “How could I have not seen this coming!” “What a total idiot I am!” “How can anyone this smart on paper yet so stupid in real life! What a fucked up, fucked-‐ in-‐the-‐head person I must be! ” she exclaimed.
Next we tapped on the tremendous burden, the weight of this trauma and how it was continuing to affect her in the present. We used the scripts from TIW page 153-‐154.
Interestingly, I thought that this round of tapping would result in more compassion for herself. Instead, it seemed to create more compassion for her relative who wronged her. As we continued tapping she was beginning to see more and more her role in this whole drama. It was dawning on her that all of this wasn’t entirely her relative’s fault.
It was her choice not to speak to a real estate attorney before she began the whole house-‐buying venture, she pointed out. Melanie easily qualified for a mortgage with no money down. Because it was so easy to secure this loan, she confessed, that the whole process just didn’t seem like that big of a deal.
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“Plus,” she remembered thinking, “I’ve got a great credit score and it isn’t doing me any good.” Melanie had no immediate plans to buy a house of her own anytime soon.
Next, she admitted that she chose to give her power away to her relative by wanting to seem like the “cool, hip, incredibly helpful” one. It was Melanie who agreed to a loan that she never should have taken out in the first place. She also continued to play the “Cool, hip, helpful” relative again by agreeing to that second loan.
She also said that had she not been so tied to this identity of someone who always paid her bills on time and in full, she might have tried to explain things to the bank or seek some other legal remedy before she started paying that monthly mortgage payment and emptied her savings account. “There was probably a better way to handle this mess but I just didn’t look into it,” she admitted
It was also her choice to not heed her lawyer’s advice and bring charges against her relative and his partner because she was so driven by wanting her family’s approval. Though Melanie felt that jail was what they deserved, the approval of her family was still too important for her to follow her lawyer’s advice.
Seen in this light, Melanie said “You know…the victim role is one that I have played my whole life… when I was bullied in high school, when I was diagnosed with an illness in my 20’s, when my fiance dropped dead. What my relative did when he asked me to buy that house is he gave me the opportunity to perpetuate this “poor me” story. That’s all he did.” [Wow what a reframe, I thought!!]
This was a tremendous breakthrough because when we opened the session, I had asked Melanie for title for the story she was recounting and she had said “How I was fucked over by my relative!”
It was only after she had this realization that she was able to shift into compassion for herself because she saw so clearly how her unconscious programs and paradigms had been running her. She was finally open to seeing the gift of this situation/story. She was also more open to seeing herself as the hero (instead of the hapless victim).
I urged her to see that the bankruptcy wasn’t her biggest defeat. Instead, it showed just what a powerful creator she in fact was. And now that she sees just what a powerful creator she can be, she can channel all that energy and power into creating the life she really wanted.
I wanted Melanie to see that the stuck energy that we were moving during this session was going to allow her to free up her energy and her brilliance to create the life that she desired.
We ended the session by using the tapping script from TIW 157-‐8. It was VERY powerful. We tapped several times on how this event has prepared her to soar higher, to really go for her goal of earning 200K a year as a coach: “I am stepping into my power… I am owning my magnificent mistakes… I am a powerful manifestor… and I am going for it”
I could really feel her passion and her excitement build as we tapped through the points on that final round. The whole energy of the room shifted, opened up and there was no longer this oppressive cloud of doom or “woe is me” anymore. In fact, I swear the whole room seemed brighter by the time our session ended!
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Coaching Session Case Study 5:
Before we started the process I checked in with Janet about her week and she said she had a very good week. That at first when she looked at her goal cards she heard a lot of her inner critic talk but she just tapped and said what she heard out loud until it had no more sting. She also told me that she had a great sales week at work and had won a bonus for having the highest sales and she was over the moon excited about it.
I talked with her about RTBS and what that was and how important it is to retrain our brains to celebrating success, so that our subconscious minds equated action with pleasure and reward. I asked her to come up with something that she could do as a little celebration every time she accomplished anything, no matter how small. She loved the idea and said she was going to do a little “come on get happy” dance.
I asked her to close her eyes and paint a picture in her mind of walking out on a big stage with a big sign that had the amount of her outrageous goal written on it. I told her that the audience contained her family, friends, relatives, ancestors, peers, school friends and work colleges. I asked her to imagine them all sitting there looking at her and had her say loudly, “I really want it, I can do it, I deserve it!” I asked her to look at the audience and tell me what they were saying, doing and how they looked – and how was she feeling?
She said as soon as she walked out on the stage she got very nervous and as she looked at the audience she got more and more anxious and her stomach was doing jumping jacks. She kind of laughed and said you and other friends are in the audience and you’re smiling at me and waving but, my mother is angry and saying you’re too stupid, you could never do that. My father is looking disgusted and saying I’ve turned into a capitalist just like my grandfather. My grandfather is scowling and saying “why do you deserve it” you’re just a dreamer. She said the rest of the audience wasn’t really doing anything just sitting there with no real reaction.
I told her that the reaction of the audience was her unconscious mind painting her a picture of her fears and what her inner critic says to her. She said, “Oh yeah that sure is the truth. I try to push it aside but if I pay attention I do hear those things.”
We started tapping using: there they are the audience and some of them are happy and cheering but there’s my mother and she saying…….and I’m feeling……. I used what she had told me earlier and she added some more and then we moved on to her father and grandfather doing the same thing. We did quite a few rounds and then I had her check back in with the picture and she said there’s some muffled clapping from some of the audience and my mother is almost smiling and she’s quiet. My grandmother, father and grandfather are smiling and they are quietly clapping.
I asked her how she felt now standing on the stage and she said calm, relaxed and like I deserve to be here.
I told here again that that picture just showed her what fears, limiting beliefs and self-‐talk come up for her whenever she sets a big goal and tried to move forward. She said, “No wonder I’ve been so stuck and don’t ever seem to be able to follow through with any of my desires to move forward!”
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I lead her through the tapping in the book on pages 172, 173 and we ended with the script for “more of your brilliance”
When I asked her at the end where she was now, she said you could see a picture in her mind of a new version of her old self that was kind of shinny and translucent that was almost unfolding out of the body of her “old self.” She said she felt empowered, centered and ready to take on the world and let her dreams come true!
Feedback from Janet:
“The TIW program was the deepest and most profound personal growth work I’ve ever done – and I’ve done a lot! It’s totally changed the way I feel and react to money. I no longer wake up at night in terror wondering how will I ever pay the bills. I no longer feel panic every time I look at my bank account or pay for something. Mostly I feel pretty hopeful and calm about everything. And the best part is my sales are up 40% since we did this!”
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Coaching Session Case Study 6: The Financial Trauma had been picked up from the Money Map, related to the savings account. He’d had a relationship that ended a while ago from which he had never fully recovered. He described his partner as “abusive, manipulative, controlling, addicted to drugs, a heavy drinker. She would pass out frequently and have to be resuscitated in hospital and on a couple of occasions brought back from death. She couldn’t hold down a job or deal with day to day things. It was a hideous situation – she was adding to my stress. There was always something. And I was supporting her financially – all of my money was spent on her, and then she would invite her friends around and I would be paying for them too. Everything I did failed.” I asked what he was feeling at the time, whether he was feeling anger towards her and he said “Not anger -‐ total despair, frustration, disappointment in myself. So much hurt and pain, I hated her. I couldn’t work out how I had got myself into that position” at which point he said “I think I am friends with her on Facebook – shall I bring up her picture?” I pointed out that being connected with her on Facebook was a strong sign that he hadn't let this go, and at the end of the session I would ask him to un-‐friend this person. ANGER/BETRAYAL BASED TRAUMA -‐ I asked whether he was more angry at himself or at his ex, and he said “definitely more anger at myself. I allowed her to have a hold over me” We started out with some tapping on his ex “There she is! She’s abusive, she’s controlling, she’s messing up the house, she’s addicted to drugs, being resuscitated, she’s manipulative, and I’m just letting her...” etc. I asked him to review the SUDs – was it any less? He said “No! I hate her even more now!” so I asked him what he really thinks of this woman and he said “She never apologised! She’s an asshole! I’ve always had such a strong intuition on people and it just didn’t work with her – I couldn’t see it, and now I
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am blocking anyone else coming in. I feel as though she totally broke my heart and since that day I’ve never been the same” I led him through a short round of anger tapping “There she is! She’s such a f**king asshole! I f**king hate her! She never apologised and she f**king broke my heart!!..” and after running out of phrases I asked him to take over, at which point he was calling this woman all of the names under the sun. What happened next was astonishing – he took a breath and said “Wow, I feel totally done with it. She holds no space in my life at all. Can I unfriend him on Facebook now?” We then gathered some phrases on how he had felt he had behaved and what he couldn’t forgive himself for – his neediness, his disappointment in himself, his weakness and inability to do anything about it – the fact that he was literally a victim, and did a round of tapping on “There I am, I see myself, I’m so needy, I won’t let this happen again, I refuse to let anyone else in, I refuse to let anyone break my heart, I totally refuse to let this go, I allowed her to have a hold over me and that is unforgivable, I’m not opening my heart again” I then added the phrases that he had mentioned before about losing his intuition. I then asked him to visualise himself at that younger age with everything else going on around him and he appreciated that he was doing his best at the time, and we did a round of tapping on that. Lesson/Gift: When I asked for what lesson he had learned, he said “I’ve learned that when I was in the middle of all of that, I never really stepped back and analysed anything. My self-‐esteem was so low that I didn’t think that I had a choice.” So I pointed out the gift that now he could see that he does have a choice, in future relationships, to be able to pull back from that which is not serving him, and he agreed. Calling: “It’s calling me to make more money. There is a voice saying “*name* put your prices up, stop holding back”. To be a bit more assertive. He then commented that he felt as though something had really lifted – there was a shift and he could see on his skype screen that he looked more boyish. He was sharing his screen with me and bizarrely the image looked much sharper and he looked younger! That night he had a dream of travelling by train to the country where his ex lived, and handing over a suitcase filled with all of the things that he associated with this person, then getting back on the train and coming home!! _____________________________________________________________________________________
Coaching Session Case Study 7:
Before we officially started our session I asked Jacob how he was doing and how the week had been. He said he was feeling much better and even though he’s been very busy with work he was using the tapping almost every day to address what was coming up for him in day to day life around money and he was feeling extremely empowered because he had discovered that he can tap on his own and get relief. He had also been using it to address old memories that we’re coming up and was able to
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neutralize the negative charge around them. He was surprised and in awe of EFT’s power to change his perception of the past.
Also, he shared with me that this month so far has been his highest earning month of his life!
I started by giving him a little overview of what a financial trauma is and then said to him that basically a financial trauma is something that happened in the past that may or may not be emotionally traumatic but the bottom line is when you look at your savings and or your debt you think, “if only that hadn’t happened, I would be so much further ahead.
I asked him if anything immediately came to mind when he said the above statement and he sat with it for a while and said that he couldn’t pin point any specific memory that felt like that. So I had him write down how much he had in his savings which was 0 and then write down how much he would like to have in savings to feel safe and secure and then look at the savings amount and say it’s not, it’s never been enough and rate how true that felt.
It was a 10 and it made him feel hopeless, resigned and indifferent, this is my fate and I don’t even care anymore.
When I asked him to complete the sentence this means I am…., he said “wired to be intrinsically poor.” I asked him how that statement made him feel he said: hopeless, unfair, ashamed, and embarrassed.
He has very emotional and we started tapping using: even though the truth is I am wired to be intrinsically poor and this is my reality and this is what I’ve been living. We continued tapping through the points using that statement and his emotions: it’s so unfair, it’s hopeless, no matter what I do I can’t get ahead, I’m wired to be poor, this is my fate, this is my reality, it’s never going to change. We did a lot of tapping he added in things like: I’m so tired of the struggle, I’m so tired of fighting, I can’t take it anymore, I am fated to be poor and in fact I think it’s virtuous.
We stopped and I asked him to breath and I asked him if he could see how his feelings were exactly the same as the feeling he told me his mother had when he was a small child and that these emotions had been wired into his nervous system and he had created his whole life to match that paradigm. He totally got it.
I continued the tapping with the: even though I am fated to be poor and in fact I think it’s virtuous and we tapped a couple of rounds on that and then I asked him if that reminded him of anything, if he floated back in time did he ever remember feeling like that as a child.
He said oh my god, I can’t believe this but I am remembering that as a small boy of 5 I became obsessed with the idea of, “I wonder what poor people who don’t have anything do? And he created for himself a picture, what he called the worst case scenario of him alone in an empty apartment that was clean but had nothing in it except construction paper, scissors, crayons and glue and he soothed himself with the knowledge that as long as he had those things he could create and he wouldn’t be bored and he would be okay.
I had him zero in on that picture and fill in the details while we tapped and he realized that this was the template he created his life from, this “worst case scenario” and that he equated creativity with being poor (he is an illustrator and photographer). We did a lot more tapping a lot more stuff, tons of emotion came up.
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Where we got to in the end was he was able to see how as a 5 year old boy he was very resourceful and creative to have been able to reassure and sooth himself this way. The calling that he felt was to be able to have fun creating and to make a great income doing it.
We honored all of that with tapping -‐ all that he saw and uncovered today.
When we finished he told me that he felt like he had been given a great gift in just being able to shine a light on all these dark places that had been hidden from his consciousness but haunting him and holding him back. And that he’s done a lifetime of personal growth work and never has he down anything that made him feel so affirmed and deeply understood and heard as this work!
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Coaching Session Case Study 8:
I checked in with Mike and he said that he had a very busy week with work and hadn’t had much time for tapping, except for doing it a couple of times when he noticed that he was anxious about the bills. I told him that was a huge shift and step forward for him and that he was actively taking steps to clear his programming and self-‐empower himself. He agreed and said he felt pretty good about himself and more empowered then he remembered feeling for a long time.
I briefly explained to him that we were going to set and outrageous goal for the purpose of triggering him and bringing up his sub-‐conscious reasons for not making more money. I also explained that his current level of income reflected exactly where he unconsciously felt he should be and where he felt “safe” and “comfortable”. I asked him to set a monthly income goal that would allow him to comfortably pay all his bill, pay off his debt, create savings and give him money to play and enjoy doing the things he like to do.
Monthly income goal: $20,000. Asked him to write the number big and circle it and say and rate:
It’s Impossible: 8 I can do it: 1 Deserve it: 5 It will probably be really hard: 10 I had him double it. $40,000.00 I could hear the tension and anxiety in his voice as he said it. I asked him to attach some emotions to the phrases this time as he said them. After he said the first phrase he told me that he was feeling a bit numb and he couldn’t really attach any emotions to it. I told him to take some deep breaths to look at the number and say: “$40,000 is my income goal, it’s impossible. He was able to connect with some emotion then and I had him use that with all of the phrases
It’s Impossible: 10 – hopeless, tired, don’t care
I can do it: 0 – pressure, overwhelmed, busy beyond sanity
I deserve it: 1 – I would need to get lucky, I would need a stroke of good fortune. I asked how that made him feel and he said: inadequate, not good enough
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It will probably be really hard: 10+ -‐ If I managed to do this it would be unmanageable, it would take over my life and be completely overwhelming and I would have no time for anything other than work and no fun or happiness.
We started tapping using: Even though I set this income goal of $40,000 and it’s impossible, it’s crazy, I can never do it and if I did it would totally take over my life and I would have no time, no fun, no happiness – and that’s the truth about how I feel and no wonder I don’t want to make more money. He was grunting his agreement and sighing.
We did lots of rounds using all of the statements and feelings he gave me and then I checked back in with where he was on the initial statements and he said that at the end of our tapping he started to realize that he saw a glimmer of it could be possible if he could come up with an innovative and creative enough idea but that other people had ideas, but not him. He was too old and his ideas weren’t relevant to the world in 2014. That he was just a craftsman making a craftsman income. I asked him what kind of feelings went along with all of that and he said: I feel sorry for myself and embarrassed and inadequate.
We tapped with all of that and then he said it feels like I am working desperately to maintain my insufficient craftsman’s income. We tapped with that and what came up was: I don’t believe that my ideas are valuable enough, I’m not an innovator or an entrepreneur, I’m just an old creative, lazy, hippy who doesn’t want to work hard but wants to have fun.
I asked him if that reminded him of anything and he said, yes, when I was a kid I always asked if we could do something fun and I would get in trouble and get punished, so I stopped asking but I always was thinking, “why does it always have to be hard work, why can’t we just have fun?”
We tapped on that having him focus in on a scene from his childhood. Then I asked him if he could see how he equated “work” with hard and “no fun”, how that was the reality he witnessed with his mother and even though he took a vow that it would never be like that with him that he had created a constant battle where he worked for a bit made some money but it was so hard and it took over his whole life and the pressure was so great and he allowed himself no fun – and then he rebelled and didn’t take jobs and just enjoyed himself and had fun until he was broke again and needed to work to make money to survive.
He totally saw it and started crying and we did more tapping around how that’s what he learned and that’s what he’s been doing his whole life and after a lot of tapping I suggested that maybe even though he always did it that way, that may be he hold be open to finding a different way. As we tapped with the idea of new possibilities he told me that he saw a beautiful vision of him in charge of a large creative endeavor and he was working and co-‐creating with a group of amazing people and they were laughing and having a wonderful time and that the vision gave him hope and inspiration that maybe things could really be different for him.
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Coaching Session Case Study 9:
“Beth” is a licensed social worker. Up until 2 years ago, she had been practicing in a clinic. The clinic took a percentage of the money received from her clients. She was frustrated with this model and really wanted to “make it on her own.” She does have many clients, but not enough to bring in the amount of
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money she would like to make. The following is information gathered during her initial Money Map session.
Savings Account: Beth connected with, but did not share the exact dollar amount in her savings account. When she connected to it she felt: really sad, had a “bad” tingling sensation in her entire body, she wanted to cry, felt trapped and felt behind from where she wanted to be and her heart was mildly racing. Her habitual thoughts were: “I’ll never catch up!”, “I’m sinking” and “OMG! That’s SO pathetic!” She finished the statement: “This means I’m “worthless.”
She did have trauma associated with her savings account. Growing up she always wanted to be an actress. She worked hard at it, took classes and really enjoyed being on the stage. She clearly remembers an older actor saying to her: “This is a tough profession and it’s impossible to make a living at it. Are you willing to be broke?” Her answer to him: Yes!” She is no longer pursuing an acting career and she really loves the healing work she does now. She has often said to people, “Even if I don’t have any money, at least I’m pursuing my passion.” As her coach, I helped her to see how her saying that today, directly relates to her days of acting. And the message she is putting out to the Universe is: “I’m willing to be broke as long as I am doing something I love to do.” This was an incredible A-‐ha moment for her as she never connected the two experiences before. Part of her homework was to consciously pay attention to the number of times she thought or said to others: “Even if I don’t have any money, at least I’m pursuing my passion.” And, every time she did catch herself, she was going to say “Cancel Cancel!” and then follow that up with a positive affirmation of her choosing. (As a side note, Beth is happy to report that she has totally shifted out of this old mindset. She no longer thinks about that negative thought pattern and laughs out loud at how absurd it was!!)
Debt: The next form of money we discussed was Beth’s debt. Again, she connected to it, but did not tell me the exact amount of debt she had incurred. When she connected to it, she felt: horrible, angry, resentful, completely pissed off! Her habitual thoughts were: “I’ve got nothing to show for all this debt.” “I’m hanging on the edge.” “I’ll never catch up!” “How the hell are we going to get that back to zero?!” And in regard to additional money that has been spent, “That was my life preserver and now it’s taken away. There’s hardly anything left.” When asked to finish this statement: “This means I’m…..” She responded with, “I’m sinking and I’ll never catch up. I blew it!”
Two different traumas came up when Beth connected to her debt. The first one had to do with a special, expensive gift a relative had given her as a kid. It was a piece of jewelry symbolizing “Life”. She lost it and felt horrible. She still feels so sad when she thinks about it today. When I dug a little further she stated, “I lost something of value. I couldn’t be trusted with such an expensive gift.” Beth started crying connecting to this memory so I immediately began some tapping with her. I didn’t want her emotions to get in the way of our continuing her Money Map. The tapping I did was mostly, “I lost so much…..the day I lost that jewelry I lost so much……how could I be so careless……I can’t be trusted with anything valuable….I don’t deserve expensive gifts…..”, etc. At the end Beth was more compassionate toward her younger self. She didn’t mean to lose it of course and she could see that her relative continued to love her even after the loss. She also had another A-‐ha moment. She recognized that even today she is fearful if someone buys her an expensive piece of jewelry. Instead of fully appreciating and loving it, she is filled with guilt and anxiety around losing it.
The 2nd trauma occurred when she was in high school. She had a friend over after school and they were in the kitchen chatting and enjoying eating a snack. Her dad walked in, saw them and immediately got
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angry. The snack they were eating was expensive and her dad didn’t want her sharing it with friends. What Beth took away from this experience was, “I did something wrong” (again around something of “value”). I helped her to see that today, she is not valuing her own gifts, the amazing work she brings to others. Remember, she was happy to be doing work she loved, even if it meant not getting paid very much for it! She totally resonated with this and it made her cry thinking about how much she doesn’t value the service she provides to others. At the end of the session when we did some tapping I had her close her eyes. I asked her to see herself and her friend eating the snack. To see her dad getting angry and yelling at her. I asked her what her inner teen needed from her dad in that moment. She hated that her dad had embarrassed her in front of her friend. Beth finally got to a place where her dad was apologizing and gently explaining why he wanted the snacks saved for the family. Beth started laughing when in her visualization she, her friend and her dad started throwing the expensive snack at each other while laughing and having fun. :-‐D
Income: The next form of money we discussed was Beth’s income. I had her write it down on a piece of paper and then say, “It’s not enough!” She rated that statement as true. A 10 on a scale of 0-‐10 (where 10 = very true). I asked her how it made her feel, both emotionally and physically in her body. She responded, “I feel really bad, tired, it’s so pathetic, makes me feel exhausted as so much effort goes into making so little money, I’m frustrated!!” Her habitual thoughts are: “Why can I not make more money?” “How come it’s so much easier for everyone else to make money?” “I’m permanently stuck” “It’s a pathetic number and I can’t get past it no matter what I do.”! ! I asked Beth what her dad’s energy was around money. She shared that her dad was very practical when it came to money. He bought them what they needed, but not what the kids wanted. He didn’t indulge at all. Often he would tell Beth, “No, you don’t need that.” It wasn’t ever really discussed any further than that. I helped her to see that what she took away from this experience was: Even though you love something and really want it, you don’t have to have it. That it’s not ok to have wants or needs that are different than just survival needs. Money is just for what you need.
I asked her how she felt today if she decided to “splurge” and purchase something she wanted, but didn’t really need. She said when she first buys it, she feels wonderful. It makes her happy. But not long after that she begins to feel very guilty. She tells herself, “I shouldn’t have done that.” I pointed out to her that it’s possible that she is being loyal to her dad in making “just enough” money today to pay for her families “needs”. (Her paycheck goes toward the groceries, gas, music lessons, etc). She was shocked to hear this and even more shocked when she realized it was true!! Even though she hated her dad’s view of money growing up, she can see how she holds some of those beliefs even today. And she limits how much money she can make, because her subconscious belief is that money is just for what you need. You don’t need to make more money, because it’s not safe to have wants and needs.
Mom had a different approach to money. She didn’t want to worry about it. She wanted to make it so you could save it, but also have some fun with it. Beth laughed when she realized that she WANTS to have mom’s view of money, and that is what she strives for today, but it’s dad’s view that has the biggest “hold” on her, that triggers her the most. (I didn’t go much deeper into this with her at this point. I knew more would come out when we did the family paradigm around money in the next session).
When asked to look at her current income again and finish this statement, Beth said: “This means…. I must be doing something wrong. If I was really good at what I did, I’d be making more money.” I
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pointed out to her that when we went over the kind of money called Debt, she had also communicated the belief that she “did something wrong.” It was a great A-‐ha moment for her to see the connection to her money situation and the belief that when it comes to money (or anything of value), she’s not making more because she believes she’s “doing something “wrong” and therefore she blocks more money (and abundance in general) from flowing to her.
Income Goals: I asked Beth to look once again at her income. This time I asked her to double the amount of her income. She really liked that! It made her “feel good, like I’m moving forward toward where I want to be, I feel more ease and freedom, it feels so great to know I’m moving toward this!” She was loving this new income goal and I asked her to finish the statement: “The truth is that’s… “What I want!!” I asked her to look at her goal again and say out loud, “It’s impossible”. She then stated that that felt true at about a 5 out of 10 scale. I explained to her what that meant was that 50% of her felt the income goal was possible, and another 50% of her thought it was impossible to achieve. I also pointed out that if she really wanted this income goal, she would already be making it. I asked her how she felt about all of this and she replied, “I’m sad that a part of me feels that it’s impossible. Oh fuck!!” The “feel good” emotions she first felt when looking at this income goal had quickly faded for her. I asked her to think about her large income goal and how her parents might view that. She stated that if her dad looked at her income goal, she wouldn’t even get what the $ amount meant. I asked her to expand on that and she shared the following. Beth’s dad used to hang out at the law library when he was in college. He was intent on meeting a woman there. His belief was that he needed to marry someone with money because he had grown up poor. When asked how that made Beth feel, she responded that it made her feel both sad and angry. Sad that her father didn’t believe in his own ability to make a living and angry that today, Beth has a belief that her dad doesn’t believe in Beth’s ability to make a good living.
Beth believed her mom would look at her income goal and think, “Good for you. You’re doing what you love, but it’s not a lot of money. It’s pretty tough to make a lot of money doing what you do.” I asked Beth how this made her feel and again, it made her very angry. It made her feel like her parents want to support her in her work, yet they really don’t believe she can do it. I pointed out to her that it’s quite possible that she is projecting her own feelings onto her parents. That she herself doesn’t fully believe she can make good money doing what she loves. This brought up a lot of sadness for her and she had an amazing A-‐ha moment! She realized that when she met her husband, he had a really good job and he made a lot of money. She softly stated, “He took care of me.”
Beth’s been angry at her dad for years for his beliefs around money, and his ability or inability to believe he can take care of himself. Beth realized for the first time that she’s a lot like her father. Needless to say, at this point Beth was pretty emotional and feeling very tired. She did not believe she had any Toxic Money issues, so we ended the session with some tapping.
In the tapping, I included the above stated emotions and habitual thought patterns that her nervous system was hard wired with around money. We also tapped on the anger and sadness she felt toward her father. And, anger at herself for not valuing her work or even believing in her ability to make a good income doing what she loved. I specifically emphasized her “learned” belief around “Even if I don’t have any money, at least I’m pursuing my passion.”
The realization of this belief and recognition of how often Beth says it today was huge and she really wanted to shift this one quickly! She was “blown away” with her Money Map session and could not
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thank me enough. I sent her a personalized tapping script that was very similar to the tapping mentioned above. Her homework was to tap the script at least once a day, paying attention to how she felt during the tapping, and tapping on anything new that came up for her. She agreed to do the homework and is more than excited to continue on with the Tapping Into Wealth sessions!
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Coaching Session Case Study 10: SAVINGS: Bill shared with me the amount of money in his savings account ($500). He claimed it to be a dismal amount, exclaiming: "What savings account?" There was pressure in his upper chest and heart area as he expressed his panic and his need to have a "whole lot more." The thought in his head was: "Holy shit, I'm screwed." I asked Bill if his panic reminded him of any time in his past and I asked when/where did the panic around finances begin. Bill expressed that he never felt safe as a child; his entire upbringing was tumultuous; his parents were not loving or available, in fact, often Bill was the caretaker for his younger siblings. His father, once a prosperous plumber with extra funds always stashed in a drawer, was injured and disabled at work. The family went from wealth to total financial demise. (Bill believes that his father's accident at work was really self-‐sabotage and that his dad created his own demise, perhaps acting out of his programming for failure.) Bill's emotional reaction was one of fear and anger (the energetic imprint of his dad's.) "Not having enough is darn scary." I asked Bill to look again at his $500 in savings. He commented: "I'm a loser and I don't deserve any more." He claimed that these thoughts were the offering of his father. We briefly tapped on Bill's feelings of unworthiness before moving on to the second type of money. DEBT: Bill chose to include his second mortgage in his declaration of bad debt totaling $60,000. When stating his debt, his primary feeling was one of panic felt in his heart. His head repeated the thought: "I'm never going to be able to pay it off." A deep feeling of sadness prevailed.
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I asked if this situation reminded him of a situation in the past. He was reminded of a business betrayal, a time when a business partner left him with a huge amount of business debt and he ended up in bankruptcy. "This does not feel good and this means I'm right where I deserve to be" he exclaimed re-‐expressing his sense of unworthiness. INCOME and INCOME GOAL: Bill earns $30,000 a year and "It's definitely not enough." The sadness is overwhelming as he states: "I'm going to end up working until the day I die." (The cause for this underlying sadness is revealed at a later date as is the true meaning of the words "I'm going to end up working until the day I die.") When Bill's dad was injured and unemployed there was never enough ... always lack, and always work, work, work. In an attempt to go deeper, I asked Bill where his mother was in all of this. His primary memory of his mom, at that time, was of her being chronically depressed and hiding in bed from the world. Bill, the oldest of four children, was often the primary caretaker of his siblings and himself. I had Bill repeat his income amount of $30,000 and then his resounding "This means that I am not worth any more than that." When I asked him to double his income number to $60,000 as an income goal he felt that it was indeed do-‐able and stated "I know I can do it." In fact, he wanted for the amount to be even higher. After just hearing him express that he was not “deserving,” I felt that his belief that he could easily double his income was a bit incongruent!! The message was confusing ... I am not worthy of $30,000 but I know I can make $60,000. Reconsidering $60,000 again and even considering $160,000 he continued to state: "I know I can do it." I asked him to say: "It's impossible. I will fail. I only deserve $30,000" and I asked him what his parents would say if he claimed his goal of $60,000 or more. Having actually had such a conversation with his dad, his dad's reply was: "What makes you think you deserve that much?"
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I then asked him "What makes you think you deserve that much?" and his reply was: "I'm very good at what I do!" From my perspective -‐ more incongruity … I gave Bill the homework assignment of determining 10 reasons that he deserved $60,000+ per year income. TOXIC MONEY: Bill does not believe that he has any toxic money issues. He was, however, triggered by his own statement: "Up until the divorce, I was making really good money and I was on an upward career track." All that exploded with his divorce. He had a huge sense of failure and he felt that G*d had failed him in not answering his prayers to save his marriage. Bill saw himself as bad, and G*d as bad ... he had failed himself and G*d had failed him as well. From there we tapped on unworthiness. I guided him through some tapping on his comfort zone of feeling unworthy and the difficulty of loving himself. "Who would I be if I owned my worthiness?" His nervous system was wired to react with panic and sadness and the feelings of failure and grief. We tapped on these feelings in his chest, his stomach, his heart and every cell in his body. These feelings hurt but he proved them over and over again. "I'm unworthy; I'm a loser." Moving from there to considering being open to observing these feelings rather than owning them and perhaps rewiring the habitual thoughts. It was time for Bill to raise his consciousness and his vibration and own his power, which he did valiantly. We ended the Money Map session with him feeling empowered and worthy and with my promise of a follow-‐up session to check-‐in on his progress. FOLLOW-‐UP: In a follow-‐up session reviewing the Money Map procedure we explored the financial significance of Bill's divorce. He saw his divorce as a huge "failure" even though he is in a better (but less financially fruitful) marriage today. The marriage represented relational failure and financial failure (and G*d's failure as well). Big stuff to tap on! There was lots of grief and sadness and the underlying energy of unworthiness. "Ever since my divorce I've never been able to tap into my wealth." … "Nothing I ever did was good enough" (from childhood) and "I'm not good enough." I observed and commented on Bill living in a world of opposing beliefs, of contrasting and opposing thoughts. Comments from his dad such as: "What makes you think you deserve anything good?” and "Who the hell do you think you are?" that continue to resound in his head and heart, versus the belief that "I am really good at what I do" and an air of confidence. From there he shared that as a child he was easily bored and was defined as a "chronic under-‐achiever." Once Bill determined that he could do something well he became bored with it and lost interest. He was always told that he could be so much better, so much more ... but he did not care.
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The breakthrough here was acknowledging that he had never been doing what he really wanted to do ... so why bother? He just wanted permission to be himself not to be placed in the proverbial boxes provided in school. We tapped on determining what brings him satisfaction and what will radiate the truth of his being and what is his true calling. So, bringing this back to the Money Map, we tapped on "The truth is every time I think about money, I get confused." "The more worthy I feel, the more clarity I will have about what I truly want." "I have to feel worthy to do what I want to do or 'why bother'?" "What brings me joy makes me feel worthy." Bill was able to release his limiting beliefs of unworthiness and determine that he is actually a remarkable and very lovable and loving man!! _____________________________________________________________________________________
Coaching Session Case Study 11:
I had the client take some deep breaths and go back into the visualization and see himself driving up to his parents’ house in his big fancy car, all dressed up, etc. and to notice what happens.
He first noticed his Dad looking at him with disgust and saying “Who the hell do you think you are? You probably think you are better than me and your mother.” I asked him how that made him feel and he said very, very sad and said he realized that no matter what he did he would never have his father’s approval. I asked him if his father’s approval was important to him and he said it was.
I also asked him about his mother, what his mother was doing or what was she saying. He said she just gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He said she was neither happy nor sad for him.
I asked him to go into the picture and just imagine him telling his father that he was only working 30 hours a week and tell me his father’s reaction. He said the first thing he heard was his father saying “there is no way you can only work 30 hours a week and be able to drive that kind of car. What else are you doing to get the money?” I asked the client how that made him feel to hear his father say that to him and he said it felt hurt and angry that his Dad had no more faith in him than that.
I took the client through some tapping, using the Tapping on Page 71 – 73 as my guide but changing up the words to incorporate the client’s feelings of hurt and anger. We did a couple of rounds of tapping and when I asked the client how he felt he said “free.”
I wish I could adequately describe the way he said “free” at that moment but it was pure clarity, understanding and release for the client. It was a wow moment for me as a coach as well to hear the release in the client’s voice. I emailed the client a follow-‐up tapping script of what we had worked on so that the client could continue to work on those feelings, as he was feeling a little tired and drained from the emotional release of the session.
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Coaching Session Case Study 12: Stacy has just retired from her job after working for the Government for the past 28 years. Despite being very intelligent, ambitious and hardworking, Stacy has experienced financial difficulties through much of her career. Due to her dire financial situation upon retiring, Stacy has begun to work part-‐time to supplement her retirement pension. The following is Stacy's Money Map: 1. Savings: -‐ $2500 (minus $2500) Feelings: She reports feelings of profound sadness and disappointment. Thoughts: She reported these beliefs (when asked to complete the phrase) “This means I'm inadequate, a failure... I worked for 28 years for the Government, and what do I have to show for it? Not only do I not have a nest egg as I move into my retirement, but I am in debt and on the verge of bankruptcy." When I told Stacy that her savings represented security and sense of safety, this was a major aha moment, and she shared with me that she has experienced a huge void of safety and security throughout much of her adult life. She reported that she had been previously married to an abusive man who was addicted to drugs; he did not work, so he would regularly squander her money and pawn her possessions; and each time she attempted to leave him, he would threaten to harm her, which kept her imprisoned for years in this unhappy marriage. Stacy described her role in the marriage as "paying the bills, cleaning up the messes and picking up the pieces" as her husband went on one rampage of self-‐destruction after another, and each time, she lost more and more of her savings until nothing was left. Stacy was eventually able to "escape" the marriage and she has since remarried, but even for years after she left her first husband, she lived in terror that he might find her and of what he would do if he did find her. When I shared with Stacy that each time she thinks of her savings, she has all these very intense feelings and thoughts running through her nervous system of feeling unsafe, unsupported and not taken care of-‐ her eyes widened, she nodded profusely and said that is sooooo true! This insight was tremendously validating for her. She was amazed to see the connection between feeling unsafe, unsupported, and never taken care of, and being unable to save. 2. Debt: $55,000 Feelings: Stacy reports feeling overwhelm, panic, terror, and intense anxiety. Stacy reiterated that despite working for 28 years for the Government, not only does she not have a nest egg, but she is in debt and on the verge of bankruptcy. She reports that only weeks ago, she met with a bankruptcy trustee as her many debts have been handed over to a collections agency, and she is doing everything she can (including starting a new part-‐time job) to avoid going into bankruptcy. While she is hopeful that she can reverse her bleak circumstances, she is also feeling panic and terror that she may not. She expressed frustration that despite attending courses, participating in professional development activities, volunteering on boards and committees, and working overtime, she has sunk farther and
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farther into debt. She expressed frustration that even after a lifetime of hard work, she has never gotten ahead, and yet again, she is again having to start over from scratch. She had a major aha moment when I asked her if thinking about her debt reminded her of an event in the past or a time in the past where there was conflict, a battle, a betrayal, or a time when she has never forgiven herself or someone else. This again led to a discussion of being married to a manipulative and abusive drug-‐addicted husband and the many years she lived in terror before finally cultivating the confidence and resources to leave him and start over; and even after leaving her husband, she lived in terror that he might find her. Stacy since remarried a man who is unable to work and although he receives a very small disability pension, it is not enough to make a dent in their debt. Thoughts: When I asked Stacy to complete the sentence, "This means I'm ____," she actually acknowledged her strength, resourcefulness and determination by stating that this means I am a survivor and I will do what it takes to take care of myself and my family. She recognizes the huge price she paid by remaining as long as she did in her past marriage, and the trauma that it caused her; however, she stated that she could not leave the marriage until she was assured that she would be safe and her identity protected, as her fear and terror of being in that relationship was so intense. This theme of Stacy's past trauma will be elaborated upon in a later process in this paper. 3. Income: $1500 bi-‐weekly Feelings: She expressed feelings of anger, disappointment, regret and betrayal when thinking about her income. She states that while working for the government, "I did everything that I was asked to do and more, I jumped through hoops and made sacrifices that affected not only me but my family as well, I kept waiting for the reward... the promotion, the bonus, even a pat on the back, but they kept moving the carrot to get me to where they wanted me to be, to get me to do more and more". Finally after 28 years of service, Stacy retired from her job feeling angry, disappointed, deflated and betrayed by the organization that she had invested so much into for so many years. Thoughts: In reflecting on her income, she stated that it's definitely not enough to live on, and definitely not where she expected to be at this stage of her life. When asked to complete the statement, This means I'm____, she responded that this means that she is a failure, particularly as she had aspirations of doing so much more within her organization, and she had remained convinced that there was "something better" until the very end when her employment there had ceased. Stacy is currently receiving a pension income along with a part-‐time income to supplement her pension. When asked if thinking about her income reminds her of a financial situation or trauma that her parents had around money, she responded that money was NEVER talked about in her home and in all her years of growing up, her parents never spoke of money or finances. She did say, however, that her feelings upon retiring and leaving her workplace were very similar to those when leaving her past marriage-‐ she felt exhausted, depleted, disappointed and deflated. She observed that both environments (home and work) had become increasingly toxic and dysfunctional, and that she had been on the verge of a breakdown just prior to leaving each of these environments.
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Stacy's biggest aha moment was in identifying the striking similarities of both these environments (one from the past and one in the present), and how tolerant she had been, hoping that somehow things would improve, all the while trying to ignore the impact of remaining in such a dysfunctional environment. She added that in both instances, it was only at the urging of family and friends who were concerned with her well-‐being that finally enabled her to recognize just how close she was to breaking down before she ultimately made the decision to leave. (This reveals a worthy and deservingness theme that will be elaborated on in the past trauma segment). 4. Income Goal: We doubled Stacy's current income to $6,000/ month ($3,000 bi-‐weekly). Feelings: While this number seemed somewhat unreal, Stacy's expression lit up when she stated the # above. Her eyes brightened, a smile crossed her face, and for the first time, she appeared happy and optimistic. When asked what emotions she felt after thinking about this number, she responded that she felt hopeful and excited that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. The possibility of doubling her income triggered feelings of comfort and relief. She stated that she felt apprehensive, but also felt excited at the possibility of escaping her current reality and experiencing freedom to make choices. She stated that “I would feel so free, finally able to take my family on a vacation or buy myself a nice outfit without feeling guilty". Thoughts: When asked to rate how impossible it would be, on a scale of 1-‐10, to earn double her current income, Stacy stated a 4 or 5. She says that she would have assigned this question a rating of 10 just a few weeks ago, but since starting a new job where there is a potential for advancement, she is feeling much more optimistic and hopeful. 5. Toxic Money When I explained the concept of toxic money to Stacy, tears filled her eyes for the first time since starting to work on her money map. She admits that she has always been the family care-‐taker and sole provider (her husband does receive a very small disability pension, but neither her first or second husband had ever worked during their marriage). She definitely felt that she had been cheated out of her hard-‐earned money during her first marriage, but this is not what was tearing her apart. She reports that is that she is secretly receiving an additional $200.00 each month from her elderly parents to help her stay afloat and pay her bills. Feelings: Stacy reports that her feelings for having to take money from her parents at her age and stage of life is guilt and shame that is almost unbearable. She says that she is profoundly disappointed in herself for still having to depend on her parents for assistance. Thoughts: She says that that this confirms that she is a failure and a huge disappointment to her family. Ironically, she is the oldest child in a family of four siblings, and she describes one of her brothers as being financially secure while the other is "rolling in the dough". Every time she receives that payment from her parents, she is reminded of how she turned out to be such a huge failure, which triggers those feelings of shame and guilt, and that rampage of negative self-‐talk. While her money problems started much earlier, the impact of receiving toxic money has been extremely devastating and traumatic for her.
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Stacy was surprised and pleased by the insights she gained while completing her Money Map. She gained awareness and understanding into the beliefs, blocks and feelings running through her nervous system that are deeply affecting her financial situation. __________________________________________________________________________________
Coaching Session Case Study 13:
For this session, I asked Sue to give me an income number that she wanted to be making in 2-‐3 years. The money earned would come solely from her doing what she absolutely loved doing. Work that allowed her to bring her gifts out into the world in a big way, work that added value to other’s lives. She enthusiastically stated that she wanted to be bringing in $150,000 year. (Yet she confided that she didn’t really believe she could make that much money on her own). And, she was ok with working 35 hours/ week to accomplish this. I also asked her to give me a number that represented the amount of money she wanted to have in a bank savings account. Her reply -‐ $30,000. This was a stretch for her as she really wanted it, yet had no idea how she could ever get that much money in the account.
Upon getting this information, I asked Sue to close her eyes and allow her mind to paint her a picture of when she was a child. She was around 6-‐7 years of age in her picture. When asked to connect with how she looked and felt in this picture, she replied, “I’m not happy, but I’m also not unhappy. I’m in-‐between. It’s like I’m emotion-‐ less. I’m not fully alive. I feel rather numb.”
I asked her to bring her parents into this picture and to imagine that they were discussing finances/bills/money. She saw her mom and dad sitting at the kitchen table. Dad was doing all the talking and mom was just listening. Mom had a way of just deferring to whatever dad said. Dad seemed to be very self-‐assured, in charge and very confident. Mom is wanting reassurance and security. She’s rather neutral, a numb expression on her face along with worry and she appears very anxious. There’s no arguing, just mom agreeing with everything dad says. Sue is aware of the conflict going on with mom. She’s agreeing with what dad is saying, and yet the worried expression on her face contradicts that agreeing. Her dad talks about financial freedom. He says he’s good at what he does and he doesn’t want to have to worry about spending money. Sue commented that “His earning was limited because he was working at a firm. There was a limitation on how much he could earn.” Dad felt that he could have a good life but not be wealthy.
I pointed out to her that, like her dad, she herself limits how much income she thinks she could bring in today. This was a big eye opener for her as she realized how much she had done that. In the past, she did believe her dad’s income was limited, that felt like a truth to her. And, she could now see how limited her own thinking was around money. She had bought into the belief that certain professions made more money than others. Her big A-‐ha moment came when I helped her to see the glass ceiling around her income, and how that came from her parent’s money paradigm.
I then asked Sue to see herself as that young child in this picture, watching her parents. She said little Sue looks worried. She doesn’t understand what’s going on. She knows there’s emotion there, but she doesn’t know why. She doesn’t know why mom is so worried, yet she feels that this is important.
I asked her to connect to herself as the adult she is today. I asked her how she felt looking at this picture of her parents and herself as a child. Saue stated “there’s something scary about this picture. They’re
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not on the same page. It’s not easy for them to be discussing money. It feels like a lot of tension in the picture.” I asked her to connect to her own body and to how she was physically feeling. She was experiencing tightness in her heart chakra. It felt like her chest was collapsing, like there was a heavy weight pushing it down. She had a sinking feeling in her solar plexus area. She stated, “I’m scared. I just want to feel secure and know I’m safe -‐ like I don’t have to worry about money.”
I pointed out to her how her above statement and her present day worries around money are very closely tied to the same feelings her mother had around money. Again, a huge A-‐ha moment for her as she never saw the connection before now. I also pointed out that before she brought her parents into the picture, Sue said she looked “emotionless and felt numb”. It’s interesting that she used those exact words when she was describing her mom in the picture. Again, she had not been aware of this until I pointed it out.
I checked in with her to make sure she was okay to continue on with Process #2. I didn’t feel the need to do any tapping just yet and I really wanted her to sit in the pain a bit longer. I felt that she would really see the connection between her parent’s money paradigm and her own if we just kept moving forward without tapping to bring down the emotions she was feeling.
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Coaching Session Case Study 14: Before we started Jeff shared with me again how much better he is feeling and how transformational he believes tapping and this work to be. Also expresses a lot of gratitude to me for taking him on this journey and guiding him and holding the space for him to process all these old emotions. I give him an overview of how we take in the programing of our families at a young age and it creates a template that runs in the background and creates our money reality. I also talk to him about the 2 vows that we take as children and how they affect our relationship to money. He tracks right along with me and says that it resonates totally with him. He set his income goal for 2 years from now to make: $250,000, savings: $40,000; hours worked: 30. When I bring him through the visualization of the earliest money paradigm exercise, he sees himself as a boy of seven sitting in their small kitchen on a stool at the counter and his mom is cooking dinner as she asks him about his day and talks about hers. (He was raised by his mother with no father in the picture) He notices that she is very tense and very rushed and hurried and very negative about her work and the people she works with. She doesn’t talk about money, she never did. But she is always worried and tense. He realizes that he is feeling very anxious like something bad is about to happen. I asked him if something bad ever happened and he said all the time. His mother is like a ticking time bomb and he never knows what will set her off. He says Jeff the 7 year old is also very perplexed he doesn’t know why she’s like this and he’s always wondering if he’s done something wrong but he doesn’t know what. I point out to him that these are some of the same feelings that where dominant for him when we did the money map. He totally got the connection.
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We did a lot of tapping around the scene and all the emotions that were attached to it. A big trauma around his sister came up during the tapping and we did the movie technique on it until it was neutralized. When we finished I had him check back into the original scene in the kitchen and it felt much lighter and better to him. Then I had him scan his body and he came up with anxiety in his chest which he says is with him all the time at some level. It was at a 4 and we did tapping on the anxiety and he got to the point where he realized it might be safe to let it go and maybe he didn’t need it anymore. He started laughing and couldn’t stop and said he felt so relieved because for the first time in his life he felt like he was not his anxiety and maybe he could have a life without it! _____________________________________________________________________________________
Coaching Session Case Study 15: I asked Sally to envision or imagine her parents discussing money as a young child. Her eyes opened wide and she turned to me, saying that she has NEVER seen or heard her parents discussing money. In all her years of growing up in her parents' home, she says that money issues or concerns were never discussed; it was a taboo topic in her home. Since she was unable to "see" or "hear" her parents in the visualization exercise, I asked her what she had learned about money growing up in her home. She stated that she enjoyed a happy childhood and that her family was close-‐knit; other than normal sibling rivalry with her brothers, there was no significant conflict or trauma. With respect to money, Sally described her family as lower to middle class-‐ both of her parents worked hard and were frugal with money as they did not have the money to spend on anything that was unnecessary or excessive. Through reflecting on her parents' spending habits and lifestyle, she was easily able to conclude that money was a struggle and there was not enough; however, she had no actual words imprinted in her memory to support that conclusion. She reported that the family lived in "half a house" (as opposed to a semi-‐detached home), meals were prepared at home, the family created their own entertainment and there was no frivolous or indulgent spending. Sally was appreciative that her parents never complained about their finances, though also admits that she did not learn anything about how to manage money from her parents. Sally said it was somewhat like living in a bubble, not being exposed to the challenges and "how-‐to's" of managing money. She feels that this may have contributed to her tendency in later years, when she first lost her savings and began drowning in debt, to have avoided dealing with the reality of her financial situation. It is only recently, since being on the verge of bankruptcy, that she has been forced to fully confront and comprehend the extent of her financial circumstances. We tapped on Sally's feelings and beliefs surrounding her early money paradigm, honoring her parents' struggles and their positive intentions to protect their children by never discussing money and by making it a taboo subject. She also felt greater compassion for herself for never having cultivated the skills of managing her money effectively and for having "buried her head in the sand" when it comes to managing money.
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I then guided her into a visualization where she visited her parents while being totally successful and prosperous and a recognized as an expert in her field. She stated that she felt pangs of guilt when sharing her success with her parents; however, both of her parents were pleased and proud, and were fully supportive of her in her quest for a better life. The big aha moment that Sally received from this exercise is that her parents wanted her and her brothers to surpass their standard of living, and that it was her own limiting belief and vow of loyalty that had triggered her guilt when envisioning herself prosperous and successful and then sharing it with her parents. Along with tapping on her vow of loyalty to her family paradigm, Sally tapped on her freedom to start anew, to free herself from the old paradigm, and to learn the skills that will enable her to take charge of her life and financial situation. By the end of the session, she felt light and free. In describing the impact of tapping, Sally stated, "It feels weird, it looks weird, but it really works!" _____________________________________________________________________________________
Coaching Session Case Study 16:
I asked Edith to recall those two pictures from our last session, the picture of her parents talking about money and the picture of her as a child taking it all in. She reported that the picture with her parents was much brighter (before it had been dim, almost dingy, she said). Also, the oppressive anxiety about money that was present last time was definitely less.
Next, I had Edith imagine her parents still in the house back then but that she (the adult Edith) pulls up in a limo. It’s the future Edith who is a super successful coach who earns $120K a year, who has $60K in savings, a fabulous wardrobe and who only works 30 hours per week. I also had her imagine that three very handsome, available bachelors are waiting in the car for her to take her out for a night on the town.
I then had her imagine telling her parents-‐of-‐the-‐past about how great her life is, how much she earns and how many hours a week she works in order to joyfully make six figures a year.
When I ask her what is going on in the picture, she says that her parents are aghast. They are not at all impressed by how she earns her money. She imagines that they would not consider coaching a “real” job. She explains that both of her parents always worked really, really hard long hours and so they wouldn’t consider just talking to someone on the phone (coaching) to be a serious profession. She imagined seeing very disapproving looks on their faces.
I didn’t have to ask her Margaret’s follow-‐up question of “What rule did you just break” because Edith was already very tuned into the fact that she had violated her family’s rule that you have to work hard for your money.
I wanted to seize this moment of clarity. If this is Edith’s main rule, I pointed out, it makes total sense why she is currently struggling financially. In fact, this may also hold the key to why she has always struggled financially. You see… Edith has a medical condition which leaves her with debilitating fatigue. She is only able to work 20 hours a week. And since working only 20 hours a week is not working hard enough by her parents’ standards, she hasn’t allowed herself to be financially successful despite this fatigue. This was a BIG a-‐ha moment for her. [Yeah!!!]
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I had a flash of insight/ “divine download” myself at this point: Did Edith “create” this medical condition so that she wouldn’t have to work as hard as she saw her parents work? Since they worked so hard but never got ahead, never enjoyed it, maybe her subconscious mind figured “Why bother working hard when there will be no payoff. Let me instead create this medical condition where I can’t possibly work that hard so that I can save myself all the heartache, frustration, depression and disempowerment that my parents experienced around money.”
Not knowing if this would be a touchy subject for her, I shared this flash of insight I had just had. I asked Edith if this “crazy” idea resonated at all with her.
There was silence on the phone for a few moments. “Oh shit, I crossed the line” I silently thought to myself. But then Edith said “You know…that would make a lot of sense. A heck of a lot of sense.”
Not sure if I should keep exploring the sickness angle or not, I returned to the scene of adult Edith with her parents. I asked her what she was feeling at that point. She said that didn’t feel compassion towards her parents for working so hard nor for not knowing that there are other ways to make money without having to “break one’s back.” Instead, she reported a little bit angry at them for being so focused on how she currently earns her money, rather than on the fact that she is actually making money doing what she loves. “Why can’t they be happy for me!” she exclaimed.
She imagined that her parents were asking her all sorts of probing (almost accusatory) questions because the idea of simply speaking with someone on the phone and making great money doing it was so very foreign to them. She imagines that her parents think that she must be doing something illegal, or and the very least, shady.
I pointed out to her that she was effectively in BATTLE. “Did she see that and how it has shaped her life?” I asked. I wanted to reinforce what she had unconsciously created.
She chose to never be like her parents. By her very act of making “easy” money as a coach she is proving her parents wrong. I asked her how she felt about this realization and she admitted that now that she sees it, she was feeling a little conflicted.
On the one hand she doesn’t want to accept her parent’s money paradigm but on the other she has up until this point (in real life) proved her parents right because currently she isn’t working that many hours and she is not making all that much money.
Again… was her medical condition which limited the number of hours that she could work a way to not feel the true pain of this battle/ to never have to confront it head on?
Edith’s fatigue made it possible for her to stay loyal to her parent’s paradigm and at the same time her fatigue forced her to pursue a career (coaching) which was definitely less physically taxing than what her parents did.
We tapped on all the feelings that this imaginative exercise had brought up for her, especially on the breaking her family rule and her sadness and anger over feeling rejected by her parents (tribe).
We loosely followed the script from TIW on page 218-‐19, injecting her specific details where appropriate. For example, I took out “rude and insensitive” from the tapping script the first time we
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went through it because she was still feeling really angry at her parents at that point and she still felt their “scalding eyes of judgment” (her words) on her.
When she was feeling a little better about things (her discomfort/ SUDS) had moved from a 9 down to a 3 and was smiling again, I then asked her about what her parents thought about the three millionaires waiting for her in the limo.
That elicited an even stronger reaction from her parents who she reported had an inherent distrust of wealthy people. “They will misuse you or cheat you” her mother warned. When those words came out of her mouth, she reported that something finally clicked or made sense to her. Edith realized why it was that she had always gravitated towards struggling artists or entrepreneurs as partners. She had been heeding her mom’s warning and playing safe! That was another big a-‐ha for her.
I made sure to add the phrases “wow…now I see this,” “I see it so clearly, “this all makes so much sense” into our second round of tapping to reinforce all the a-‐has that she had gotten from this session.
We ended the session in a lighthearted way with one more round of tapping. We tapped on “I am ready to welcome a wonderful, highly successful, rich, rich man into my life.”
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Coaching Session Case Study 17: When asked if there was a traumatic event in her past that when she looks back she says If only that hadn’t happened….. Jade pointed to two events in her life (the second after a little work on the first).
1. When she and her family moved as a child, her Dad lost his job and was off of work for over 2 years. That put them in trouble financially and they needed assistance. This situation eventually tore the family apart. Mom was still working but it still was not enough. As the situation of her father’s unemployment went on her Mom continued working and she moved up the ladder and kept earning more and more. But Mom blew her money, often buying very expensive things that they didn’t really need but that she wanted and very quickly just gave them away. Aligning with her father that her mother was being frivolous and irresponsible, Jade vowed never to buy anything at full price as a result. Mom spent a lot of money making the house and cars look good to the neighbors rather than really taking care of other family needs. They would often look good to the outside world while have almost nothing to eat. We tapped on its so depressing, if only dad hadn’t lost his job, it would have been so different, my family would still be together, the sadness, scarcity and lack. I used to be safe but when dad lost his job it was scary and I didn’t feel safe. After the initial rounds, Jade realized that she was angry at her dad for losing his job though she realized logically that it was not his fault and she had anger toward her mother for not taking care of her needs in favor of looking successful. After a subsequent round of tapping on the anger at her parents and how unsafe she felt in the world. Jade felt that the anger had abated toward her father but that she still had anger toward her mom. We tapped again on the how mad she was at her mom for putting her at risk in favor of looking good to others. How mad she was at mom for leaving her alone while she went to work and how unsafe the world felt. This is when Jade related that some of her anger was due to a second event involving her mother.
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2. When Jade was pregnant, she had worked very hard to save enough money to get her through her leave of absence and not have to stress about her bills. When she took her leave of absence her Mom came to her. She owed a bill and was in dire straits. Jade paid the bill out of her savings and living account. As a result of her decreased income and now a lack of savings she ended up in debt. She is proud of the fact that she took care of herself during her pregnancy and make it through but is angry with herself that she could not say no to her mother and even more angry at her mother for putting her at risk again financially. Jade felt that if only she had been strong enough to say no to her mother she would have been fine throughout the leave of absence. She had so much anger and sadness and loss tied up in this event. As for the first situation, Jade felt that her family would have survived if her Dad had not lost his job but again blamed Mom for not using resources wisely. We tapped again, this time on how much she had lost, how she had made a bad decision to help her mom but she had no choice and she had put herself and her newborn at risk because of her inability to say no. We tapped on how strong she had been to survive that situation and how she had learned how strong she really was. After the tapping rounds, Jade’s charge on these situations was down but still a 3. She expressed how amazed she was that it was so emotional and she had thought we were only going to be working on money! Jade was like “OOHHH!” when we talked about how ever since the first experience she has been loyal to her family’s paradigm of scarcity and events always conspiring to keep her from getting ahead or having the safety that she craves. And after the second experience she has been in battle with her mother and others in the family, reliving that conflict and she doesn’t trust her family but especially herself and her ability to make good decisions the same any more. No one in the family understands what she went through and how much she lost. We tapped about how she had in fact been compassionate with her mother and how strong she was to survive that situation on her own and how strong and stable she was and how those situations had made her even stronger and a better mother. I had her visualize both situations and the one that still held a charge was the bill with her mother so we tapped using the anger script and then a couple of positive rounds to affirm that she did the best anyone could do in that situation while being a loving caring daughter and that she had learned some great skills and lesson that she has applied to her role as a mother. At the end Jade felt that those events had happened to teach her a lesson and that she had indeed learned from them and was not in battle with them any longer! _____________________________________________________________________________________
Coaching Session Case Study 18:
We started as always with a check in of what happened between sessions. Client reported that she was more motivated to look for a job and had been taking steps to do that. Prior to our work, she was at a hold.
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MOC (“Moment of Clarity” that I bring to the client)
In this program we’re focused mostly on internal clearing, but in order to create real change in your life there’s more to it than just doing the inner work. Doing the outer work really matters as well.
Financial Trauma
I explained the concept of financial trauma, the key elements of financial trauma, common causes of financial trauma, and the idea that you can say, “If only that hadn’t happened, I would be so much further ahead.”
Then we did the exercise to identify financial trauma in savings and debt.
Savings:
Client: What I got for savings is it goes back to childhood with my father, it was always kind of a big deal to ask for anything. He would say, “That money could go toward groceries.” And for trust I remember when I was about 11, I confronted him with all the stuff he was doing. He was basically taking my mom's money and spending it and doing other things to us too, I said I was going to tell my mom and he said, “Your mother will never believe you, I've got her trained.” I remember losing trust in the universe and trust in God and everything else.
Debt:
Client: My boyfriend took my credit card when I went away once and ran it up, so there's mistrust there. I have a Masters Degree but the school is not APA approved, so I feel like I spent $50,000 for a useless degree because no one will give me an internship because it's not APA approved. It’s just little things, it’s nothing big or huge, but it’s little things piled up.
MOC
That's betrayal after betrayal after betrayal. You say they’re little but they're not so little when you add them together because they potentiate each other. The first one sensitizes you, it's like what happens when you get an injury and you keep picking at the wound, eventually it gets infected. These are traumas, and these emotional traumas build on each other.
Realize that all of these events are in the past, but as we talk about them right now, they're bringing up feelings right here right now in this present moment, and so this is the time to notice that there's still a lot of mind-‐body stuff going on, a lot of emotion running in you in your nervous system, and this emotion is costing you literal dollars. Because this is the energy that is keeping your money stuck where it is.
And so every time you even think about the money in your savings account or debt load, it's triggering this fight or flight response in your body. In traumatic situations you really get a triple whammy, you get painful emotions, you get plenty of negative self-‐talk, and you really lose confidence in yourself and in your ability to manage your money and sometimes even manage your life. This is emotion that's unprocessed not validated not honored, and it’s stuck energy. And stuck is stuck. So when you got these feelings running in your nervous system there's no way you're going to be able put all of your energy, and brilliance than to solving whatever financial problems you have. There's no way you're going to have
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excitement about focusing on your savings or your debt or any area of your money really, because this trauma is there in the way of any efforts you might think of making to change your situation.
The good news is that once we clear it you can really shift your perspective, you can really focus on what you want to create in your life that you can begin to take action in that direction.
These events will still be your history, the facts of what happened, but our goal is to take the emotional charge off of them.
You've been carrying this around for a really long time. This is weighing on you, having a huge impact on your finances, literally costing you money. So, it’s time to clear it.
Tapping
We went off script here and tapped on the specific scenarios. I could tell from what the client wasn’t saying that we were dealing with very deep trauma here so I wanted to make sure that we got to the heart of the matter and cleared the toxic emotions.
I had the client tap through the points while telling the story. We started with the father scenario and moved into the boyfriend scenario as well.
We tapped through her feelings of shock and taking blame and shame onto herself, and her sense of betrayal and inability to trust because of this, and not being accepted for who she is, and her pain over the fact that her mother did not protect her, and her conclusion that she must be unlovable. The scenario with her boyfriend reinforced the feelings of betrayal and not being able to trust. We did eventually manage to neutralize the feelings and find the gift and the calling in her history.
MOC
We talked about how deep the money issues go, that we got together to talk about money, but in doing so we go to the deepest and most profound places in our lives. And even though it is painful to walk through these places, we are getting to healing and freedom on the other side of it.
The client reported that she found releasing all of this deep stuff that she has been avoiding very powerful.
Since this session was so intense, I followed up with the client the next day. I recommended some radical self-‐care and a few additional resources for dealing with emotional trauma.
The client reported that she was feeling tired, but ok, and was grateful for the safe space to “break wide open.”
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Coaching Session Case Study 19:
Client’s outrageous goal is:
$150,000 working 25 hours a week
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Client is a talented EFT practitioner, she is really committed to her growth and has been wanting to increase her income with little success. We had worked together on all the processes but this one held a lot of power and transformation for her.
When I re-‐checked with her about her Outrageous Goal, client stated that she did not have the same charge as before.
“I know I really have to do it differently to get to this... I really have to shift things, re-‐vamp how I'm doing biz...”
“It's not as overwhelming, and yet I question: “Am I made for it? Do I really want it?”
“How much do I really want it? Is this for me?”
“There's a little girl inside of me that says: “I just want someone to take care of me...” -‐this is the truth, I am being honest with myself.”
“I know I was born to add value to the world and yet, that part of me (the little girl) speaks kind of loudly sometimes, and I want to sit back and be taken care of.
We discussed the conflict she experiences: the part of her that wants to be taken care of, protected, and the part that wants to be successful and wealthy for her contribution to the world.
I guided her in the visualization where she sees herself as a wealthy, successful woman about to get on the stage to talk to her peeps. The audience is full of her grateful clients, friends, parents, and people that are thrilled to see her...
She stated very clearly: “I see myself, and all of them... and I'm not going up there.”
There was a strength to her voice, a determination that told me her nervous system was in fight or flight response and she was definitely choosing flight!
I very kindly told her that she could choose, she didn't have to go up if she didn't want to. It was totally up to her.
I also said: “just out of curiosity, what are you concerned about, what do you imagine would happen?” -‐ I explored deeper and deeper every statement she made.
She told me that if she got up there people could judge her, she could say or do something that could hurt people... and if that happened people would think she was not a good person. People could judge her as mean.
More questions and exploration lead to her telling me:
“I grew up as ‘Little Sweet Cathy’ my grandmother always called me that... and I really liked it. I was seen as a good girl and never got in trouble. My brother on the other hand, would often became the target of my father's anger, and I suffered immensely seeing my dad abuse him (physically and especially emotionally). I would have never survived that, I would have rather died...”
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We tapped on all the following ideas and concepts and phrases:
I helped her see that if for her getting on top of that stage meant being seen and possibly being judged. That she could potentially do something that could hurt someone and then she could be seen as someone other than Sweet Little Cathy. That in turn could lead to possibly being criticized and verbally abused, as her father had done to her brother...
If she saw getting on that stage (without even considering putting up a sign that stated how much she intended to earn or how many hours she was going to work) as potentially losing her status as Little Sweet Cathy and being abused by someone as strong as her dad, it made total sense that she wanted nothing to do with the idea.
I kept stating that for her getting up on that stage meant the possibility of losing her identity, as someone nice and sweet, and possibly even (emotionally) death.
We did tapping on the fact that growing up she did not feel safe being seen, it was potentially dangerous, unsafe, hurtful and so painful... She had disclosed in a previous session that she would have preferred to die than be abused as her brother was.
We tapped on all the feelings, sensations in her body, and thoughts connected with this past trauma and cleared and released all the pain involved in losing her identity as Little Sweet Cathy. The possibility of being judged and rejected, even abandoned.
After a while of this tapping her voice changed and I incorporated some positive tapping. We tapped on the wonderful opportunities that lay ahead of her, helping and guiding people have better lives, transforming pain and hurt into more fulfillment and energy. All the contribution she would make to her clients and the world creating a new generation of people free of the traumas that were keeping them stuck and in pain.
I guided her to visualize those people coming towards her, asking for guidance and help. People open and grateful for her sessions, her programs and workshops, happily paying her fees. I told her to see the money, checks and credit cards handed over to her, all accompanied by smiling and grateful faces.
After we finished the tapping she was eager to get on that stage and share with her clients, and loved ones her income goal and how many hours she was going to work making an Outrageous amount of Money!
She reported seeing smiling, supportive and loving faces, totally agreeing and applauding her total success, giving her a standing ovation!
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Coaching Session Case Study 20:
Client divorced in 2005. In 2006, she got phone calls and letters for nonpayment on a truck and a boat. Since her ex wasn’t making those payments, she cashed her retirement to take care of the debt. This problem affected her credit and her ability to get a loan, even when it should have been her ex’s responsibility since he took the boat and truck.
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She had trauma around this, and feelings of betrayal. Her credit was flawed because of his choices, and he even filed for bankruptcy later. He didn’t pay child support. He didn’t send money even when he said he would and they went to court over it. She had major emotion over this. She said she was over most of it. He apologized. She takes the girls on her taxes, as a way to balance out what he owed her. Yet, there is still a battle over child support.
She had major emotion over all of this, and she says she is mostly over it. She feels cheated – cheated out of something her husband owes her. She was not really over it – could feel the resentment and emotion in the story. It’s so exhausting for her that finally she just had to let it all go. But her resources available for ‘moving on’ haven’t really helped her. And the court demanded that her ex-‐husband pay, yet there is no follow through, and he still hasn’t paid.
She doesn’t know what to do next. She is too worn out to fight. It’s easy for her to flip into anger, frustration, and betrayal over this whole thing. It seems ‘endless’ and ‘hopeless.’
We tapped on her feelings of endless, hopeless, no end to this, never any fairness coming to her. We tapped on the feeling that she didn’t know what to do next, if anything. We tapped on acceptance and release, after we tapped on the endless and hopeless round.
Then we did one more round of positive thoughts related to her accepting and loving herself, releasing feelings all jumbled up about her ex – husband, and freedom from her ex-‐husband’s behavior that reflected on him, not her.
She felt freer, like the hopeless never ending misery was lighter and less important. Her anger over her husband’s dumping her with all the debt had shifted to compassion for him; that maybe it wasn’t easy for him either, and he just dealt with things differently than she did. She said she felt like she released him and herself from the grip of this bad chapter.
We tapped briefly on the good feeling of compassion that she had for her ex-‐husband and her own lightness from moving on and letting the old miseries go.
Her big takeaway was that piece of compassion for her husband, and that she can share was she did learn with other people and turn her negative into a gift of positives. And just like with forgiveness, when she shifted from resentment to compassion, it didn’t really affect her ex, but it sure did uplift her!
She is going to look at the evidence of making an intention to see how the universe DID support her even when it seemed her husband and everyone else had ‘fallen through’.
She said it felt good to feel supported. She said she could feel a washing over herself of relief and a gentle surrender to the outcome, including the compassion for her ex and kindness to herself, too.
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