Thursday, March 5, 2015 Page Three

COMMUNITY LIFESTYLESThe Messenger

Engagements • Weddings • Birthdays • Annie’s Mailbox • Recipes

Dads2DadsSurviving

FatherhoodBy Tom Tozerand Bill Black

Annie’s Mailbox

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 10 years, but I sometimes wonder whether I love him or am just used to having him around. We have no kids, and I’ve started think-ing of how my life would be without him.

This all began when he first displayed an awful temper. He never gets phys-ically violent, but he hurts me tremendously with the things he says. He pays some of my bills, but always puts his wants and needs before household things that are more important, like fixing the car or filling my pre-scriptions. I have to walk on eggshells most of the time. When it’s a holiday or Valentine’s Day, he expects me to get him something, but he never does anything special for me.

My friends think I’m still with him because I’m afraid to be alone. There are times when I enjoy his compa-ny, but not that often. I’m not even sexually attracted to him anymore. Should I continue on because it just might be a phase I’m going through? — Tired of It

Dear Tired: While all relationships go through ups and downs, yours includes verbal abuse and what appears to be a total lack of consideration. This is not acceptable behavior between loving spouses. If your husband is willing to go with you for counseling and work on this, there is hope for the relationship. If not (and we suspect not), please talk to a counselor on your own and try to clar-ify your feelings enough to make decisions about your future. There are worse things than being alone.

Dear Annie: I have a friend who dominates every conversation. Upon sitting down to eat, she immedi-ately starts talking about whatever is on her mind and never pauses to let any-one else get a word in. She never asks how anyone else is doing. If not interrupted, she can go on for hours.

Ironically, she complains about how her sister talks on and on about herself. She can see these traits in her siblings, but doesn’t realize she is just as bad. Some days, I feel more like her unpaid therapist than a friend. Evenings out have become unpleasant to the point that we don’t social-ize much anymore.

I have two other friends who behave in a simi-lar manner. I notice that

all three come from very large families, so I wonder whether that contributes to their need for attention. Still, we are in our 50s, and they should be more socially mature by now.

Don’t suggest confront-ing these people. They would be so offended, I would lose their friendship forever. I am not looking to change the relation-ships. I am writing because I wish each person read-ing this would ask them-selves, “Could this be me?” When you sit down with people, ask how their day was. Listen intently until they are done. Don’t inter-rupt with something you “just have to” tell them. Maybe their conversation isn’t fascinating, but neither is yours. Everyone should be allowed to share and be heard. — Bored in the USA

Dear Bored: Amen. Some folks ramble on and on because they need to be the center of attention. Others have hearing problems and cannot clearly make out the conversation of others. Some fear they will forget what they intended to say if they don’t blurt it out immediately. We hope they appreciate your tolerance.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “A Kansas Caregiver,” who asked peo-ple to lend a hand to the caregivers. I cared for my husband who had dementia for seven years before he died. My lifesaver during that time was my caregiver support group.

Since then, I have facili-tated a caregiver group, and we meet monthly to share happy and poignant stories, medical progress, informa-tion about resources, etc. Mostly, meetings are a safe place filled with under-standing, nonjudgmental people who are all on the same journey. — Baton Rouge, La.

———Annie’s Mailbox is writ-

ten by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, long-time editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and car-toonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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WASHINGTON — The U.S. Postal Service pre-viewed the Dr. Maya Angelou Forever Stamp image Wednesday and announced that the First-Day-of-Issue stamp dedi-cation ceremony will take place at 11 a.m. April 7 at the Warner Theater in Washington, DC.

The event is free and open to the public. Seating is limited. The stamps may be pre-ordered now at https://store.usps.com/store/browse/uspsProduct-DetailMultiSkuDropDown.jsp?productId=S_472604 for delivery shortly after April 7.

As an author, poet, actress and champion of civil rights, Angelou (1928–2014) was one of the most dynamic voices in 20th-century American literature. The book, “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings,” an autobiographi-cal account of her child-hood, gained wide acclaim

for its vivid depiction of African-American life in the South.

The stamp showcases Atlanta-based artist Ross Rossin’s 2013 48-inch x 48-inch oil-on-canvas por-trait of Angelou. The large hyper-realistic painting is part of the Smithsonian National Portrait Gallery’s collection, where it will be on display through Nov. 1. The stamp features this quotation by the pioneering author: “A bird doesn’t sing

because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.”

The stamp pane includes a short excerpt from Angelou’s book, “Letter to My Daughter.” It reads: “Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.” Art director Ethel Kessler of Bethesda, Md., designed the stamp. Customers are encouraged to use social media to spread the news about the stamp using #MayaForever.

Postal Service previews Maya Angelou stamp image

This is the year when many of us dads will resolve to make a change in how we parent our kids. We’ll decide to listen more, be more present, be more forgiving and understand-ing — perhaps even to be a better husband.

The early part of the year is a time for reflection and change. Most of us make resolutions for Jan. 1 each year. We promise to be bet-ter, whether it’s being more present with our kids, los-ing weight, exercising more or giving up a bad habit that has been plaguing us. The new year is a good excuse to better ourselves. But what happens as the year proceeds. How do we make the change we desire and ensure that it sticks?

Focus on fatherWe’d like to suggest that

you focus on your role as a father this year. Take some time and think about the change that will make you a better dad. Is it improv-ing your health? Is it lis-tening more effectively? Is it spending more time with your son or daughter? Is it being more present in his or her life? What is the one thing that will improve your relationship with your child? Keep it simple and define it clearly. Your expectations shouldn’t outreach your ability to achieve the change.

Start small and build momentum

So often we make quick decisions when it comes to self-improvement resolu-tions but our follow-through is weak. B.J. Fogg, director of the Persuasive Tech Lab at Stanford University, says it is the small habits that lead to big change. His proj-ect, Tiny Habits, indicates there are only three things that will change behavior: a) have an epiphany, b) change your environment; and c) take baby steps.

Most of us don’t have

too many epiphanies. Sometimes we can change our environment, and we should if we are able and if it will truly help. But we should start small.

Often our resolutions are too large. We need to focus on what it is we want to change and be practical about what can be achieved. Starting small and tying it to some concrete action helps us to provide a blueprint for the change. With suc-cess, you can then put forth less effort to accomplish a larger goal.

Steps to takeSo the steps in creating

the change you want are:• Identify something

meaningful and practical• Keep it small• Try it out• Tie your new attitude,

approach or practice to a regular habit or routine

• Celebrate when you are successful

• Don’t wait for perfec-tion. As we’ve said often, parenting is practice, not perfection.

The process of improv-ing your skills as a dad is similar to writing a research paper. Start early, carefully define the topic, make prog-ress in steps and celebrate your success. The payoff is the improvement you will see in yourself and the posi-tive impact it will make on your family.

———Editor’s note: Tom Tozer

of Nashville and Bill Black of Murfreesboro are authors of “Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers.” They are available for workshops and may be contacted at tomand bill@Dads2Dadsllc.com. For more information, visit dads2dads.wordpress.com. Readers can also “like” them on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Dads2Dads/341019369324702 and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc.

Making the change

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Hop, skip and jump to the Easter Eggs-travaganza at The Children’s Museum of Memphis March 28 from 10 a.m.-1 p.m.

Eggtivities will include an appearance by the Easter Bunny, face painting, an egg roll, bunny toss and crafts. Participants should bring their own Easter bas-kets and stay for the age-divided Easter egg hunt beginning at 11:30. There will also be an adult hunt that features three golden eggs with family member-ships as prizes. Those who find a Peter Rabbit egg will receive a special prize.

A “best” decorated Easter basket and Easter hat con-test will be held, with judg-ing at noon. Both contests will have awards for first, second and third places. Prizes will be CMOM family memberships for first-place winners and gift certificates to the Village Toymaker for second and third-place winners.

Members will be admit-ted free and non-members for $15. All activities and museum admissions are included in the ticket price.

Participants who arrive early can join CMOM offi-cials for a Yummy Bunny

Breakfast from 9:30-10:30. The menu will include a plate of pancakes, sausage, pastries and orange juice. The Easter Bunny will be available and participants can pose for a special photo and make an Easter craft. Space is limited and reserva-tions are required. Members tickets cost $12 and non-members costs $15. The ticket price for the breakfast does not include admission to the Easter Eggs-trava-ganza or museum exhibits.

For more information or to make a reservation, call (901) 458-2678, ext. 221 or visit CMOM.COM.

Children’s Museum of Memphisto host Easter Eggs-travaganza

NEW YORK (AP) — Entertainment industry executive David Geffen has donated $100 million to New York’s Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts.

The performing arts building — long known as Avery Fisher Hall — will be renamed David Geffen Hall in September, Lincoln Center Chair Katherine Farley announced Wednes-day.

“As a native New Yorker, I recognize that Lincoln Center is a beacon to artists and musicians around the world,” Geffen, a music and movie mogul and longtime

philanthropist, said in the statement. “To be involved with such a beloved and iconic institution is deeply satisfying.”

In November, Lincoln Center announced that it would take Fisher’s name off its concert hall and resell the naming rights to help finance a $500 million renovation.

The renovation sched-uled to start in 2019 was announced after the Fisher family agreed to accept $15 million to drop the name from the hall where the New York Philharmonic plays.

David Geffen donates $100M to Lincoln Center

LOS ANGELES (AP) — And you thought Hollywood’s award season was over.

A teenage tearjerker, a foul-mouthed coed comedy and a raucous space adven-ture featuring a talking tree lead the nominees for the 2015 MTV Movie Awards, airing live on April 12 from the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles.

MTV announced Wednes-day that “The Fault in Our Stars,” “Neighbors” and “Guardians of the Galaxy” all have seven shots at win-ning a golden popcorn tro-phy at the annual awards cer-emony, which in recent years has also become a platform for the studios to promote their big summer releases.

“22 Jump Street” and “Whiplash” followed with five nods each in a slate that includes movies as diverse as “American Sniper,” “Gone Girl” and “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay—Part 1.”

Comedian Amy Schumer will host the irreverent show, which hands out prizes such as best villain, best WTF moment, best kiss and best shirtless performance.

Fans can vote online for their favorites.

‘Guardians’ tops at MTV

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