Anju Saksena - PMI Silicon Valley Chapter

Anju Saksena ,PMP, CSM

RYT-200, REIKI Master

PMI-Silicon Valley Chapter PM Insights-Fremont

Dec 6 2016

Why the need to develop listening skills?

12/6/2016 Skilled listeners make better leaders - Anju Saksena,PMP,CSM 2

• Listening is something we all do on a regular basis in our daily lives - so why does listening need to be taught?

• Surprisingly, statistics show that our listening abilities gradually declines from an early age 5. What causes the decline?

1. Greater importance is given to development of the mind (memory) in school and at home 4.

2. Society gives more importance to developing intellectuals rather than developing intelligence. We need to understand the difference between “intellectual” and “intelligence”.

On intelligence


• “Common sense tells us that intelligence is being smart in what we do. In other words, it is not how well we think, but how well we act in a given role. If our behavior is adaptive to circumstances, so that we act effectively in such circumstances, then we can be said to be intelligent in those circumstances.” ~David Keirsey, Please Understand me

• “Intellect is logical, intelligence is paradoxical. Intellect takes things apart to

see how they work; intelligence puts things together to see the functioning of the whole. It is only through intelligence that we can respond creatively to the challenges of a changing world.”

~Osho, Intelligence-The Creative Response to Now

Understanding our innate intelligence


To be good listeners, we need to first understand that we are all different. We differ on: • How we learn • How we make decisions • Our beliefs on Leadership • Our inherent behavioral styles • How we conduct transactions with each other • What we value • How we feel about any topic, given the same context • How we react to a topic, give the same context

Towards productive management


• Most of us would like productive relationships with the people around • As a manager, you are required to have a productive relationship in order to

effectively get work done through others

• Many Managers will find that there are 2 aspects to their management: technical management and people management. This talk is geared towards People Management

• Active Listening is one of the many tools for managing yourself and others. It is

a technique that is used alongside with other techniques for effective people management. These other techniques include Projecting an appropriate image, Effective Body Language, Effective Vocal Intonations and asking the right questions

Getting motivated to develop listening skills


• Better communications. When it’s the listener's turn to speak, they get listened to.

• Listening is Power. Listeners get information. The eyes are windows to the intellect, the ears are a window to our hearts8

• Improving our listening ability is a self improvement technique Listening makes us feel more connected. Connects us to our intelligence1. Frees us from mental holding patterns, bias, prejudices, narrow thinking Imbibe qualities of Compassion, Integrity, Straightforwardness and

Courage. • Listening is the first and foremost path for spiritual evolution. It is said that all

other spiritual paths (sadhana) exist only for those who lack listening abilities Janak was enlightened by listening only

Types of Listeners13


• The Non-Listener

• Know it all, generally perceived as a social bore

• The Marginal Listener

• “Yes, dear” syndrome. Gives the appearance that they are listening

• The Evaluative Listener

• Factual Listener. Not interested in truly know the speakers intent or meaning but looking for only the baseline facts

• The Active Listener

• Empathetic listener. Wants to understand and know the speakers intents. Listens not only to the words but to facial expressions, body language, emotions.

Exercise: get to know yourself


Keirsey Temperament tests are available online or in his book. But here are some questions put together based on his cue words for temperament types : 1. Do you react positively to words like Decided, Fixed, Planned, Deadlines or

do you warm up to words like Flexible, Adapt as you go, Tentative? (J-P)

2. Do you react positively to words like Objective, Policies, Criteria, Law or Do you react positively when you hear words like Values, Social Values, Humane, Harmony? (T-F)

3. Do you describe yourself as Actual, Down-to-earth, No-nonsense , Perspiration or Do you describe yourself with words such as Possible, Ingenious, Imaginative, Inspiration (S-N)

Exercise: Attitudes


• Exercise 1: Bringing awareness to filters applied while listening • Recall a conversation with a friend colleague. Did you tend to any of the

following: Advising, One-upping, Educating, Consoling, Story-telling, Sympathizing, Interrogating, Correcting?

• Exercise 2: Awareness of our core beliefs • What are your core beliefs, likes/dislikes, preferences? Did the speaker’s

words challenge core beliefs?

• Exercise 3: Motivation and attitude while listening. Ask yourself: • Did I comprehend all the points being made? • Did I judge the words as the speaker was speaking? • Did I make decisions in your mind as the speaker was speaking? • Did I hunt for evidence that would prove the speaker wrong?

Ashtavakra Gita and Active Listening


• Ashtavakra Gita may be the first recording of Active Listening. It is a great example of Active Listening skills put to use

• Ashtavakra Gita empowers it’s listeners

• Some History: The Ashtavakra Gita happened in Mithila. Story has it that Ashtavakra was a 12yr old boy crippled in 8 ways. The Emperor Janak first met Ashtavakra in a debate in his court. The following day Janak sets out to meet Ashtavakra and invites Ashtavakra to his palace

• Structure: Ashtavakra Gita is total of 20 chapters. In Chapter 1, Janak asks Ashtavakra a question: ‘How does one get knowledge, freedom, dispassion?’

Astavakra enlightens Janak

Janak – a listener’s profile


Astavakra enlightens Janak

• Note how Emperor Janak is seated to listen to Ashtavakra and what it tells us

• Janak is:

sincerely interested in what the speaker has to say Does not judge by appearance

• As Ashtavakra speaks, he is:

Totally silent He does not interpret Does not evaluate Does not draw conclusions until after He repeats back to Ashtavakra what he has heard and then adds his

own understanding

The Ashtavakra Gita: a closer look at some of the verses


Astavakrasana

Ashtavakra speaks:

Astavakra Gita Chapter 18, verse 48-50 (http://spokensanskrit.de/)

“By listening only (vastu shravan matrena),

with a healthy clear mind (suddha-buddhir nirakulah)

Not agreeing or disagreeing (naivacaram-anacaram),

With indifference understanding/cognizing (audasyam va prapasyati)

Without judging (subham vapi asubham)

Free (sva-tantryat), they attain to happiness

Free they attain to the highest, Free they attain to peace

Free they attain to the Ultimate stand” (paramam padam)

Listening: Some Sanskrit words


• These words provide a context and spiritual understanding to active listening. Following interpretations are taken from Osho’s commentary3 on Ashtavakra: Shruti: the Scriptures/Vedas are also called shruti which means texts that are

listened to. Learning by listening is very different from learning by reading. Shrota: listener or disciple Shravak: the one who gets enlightened by listening only Muni: means Saint and comes from the root “Maun” meaning no thoughts. Tattvagya: means someone who is able to listen without adding their own

meaning to what is being said Mahashaya: means that individual who holds no personal prejudices or

judgements within. He is open. Shunya: accepting of all opinions, having no aversion/liking, no guiding

scriptures

The mechanics of Listening


• Words • Facial expressions • Emotions • Gestures/Body language • Assumptions • Fragmented sentences • Pace of talk • Language

• The mind processes thoughts 4x of the speaker ‘s words • The skilled listener uses the extra time the other aspects of speaking

• One difference learning by reading, we cannot go back to review what was said. Listeners requires more awareness in the here and now.

So what is “Awareness” anyway?


• In his book ‘Are you Listening’, Nichols uses the word ‘awareness’ to describe a formula to develop better listening skills. He talks about developing ‘awareness’ of what we can profit and enjoy from good listening . He also says listeners need to have ‘awareness ‘ of their role.

• Nichols didn’t say we need to ‘think’ about the profits of good listening. • It is useful to understand the meaning of the word ‘awareness’ and

compare it with ‘thinking’ Awareness is closer to the heart. Thinking is from the head. To understand awareness, imagine visiting a scenic place such as

Yosemite NP or watching the Sunset over the Ocean. We are in a state of awareness and we do not need to think or describe in words.

The Application of Awareness


• Practicing awareness improves listening • What else can we be aware of?

• filters that are obstacles to listening for the speakers intent • self perception and inner critic • innermost beliefs and prejudices

• our responsibilities as PM, leader, and as a citizen

Compassion and Empathy


• From McKay6, Compassion is comprised: Understanding: Acceptance: the validity of the other ‘s viewpoint even at the cost of our own Forgiveness: natural outcome from understanding and accepting

• Compassion is supported by empathetic listening

Empathetic Listening


• “Compassion is not the same as empathy. While empathy refers more generally to our ability to take the perspective of and feel the emotions of another person, compassion is when those feelings and thoughts include the desire to help” ~web

• Empathetic listeners are courageous listeners because they are open to having their innermost beliefs change5

• Empathy is not sympathizing, supporting or agreeing with the listener.

Empathy happens before sympathizing, supporting or agreeing6

• Empathetic listening brings you to the present moment

Understand and Accept


• In his book, Keirsey says Temperament is “that which places a thumb print or signature on one’s actions… suppose that their temperament is just as inborn as their physical body” 12. So trying to change some-one is akin to doing them physical injury.

Obstacles to good listening


• Not knowing the benefits of Skilled Listening • Not having motivation to put the time and effort that skilled listening requires • Not understanding the mechanics of listening • Lack of skilled listening training and practice • Unstructured presentations • Difficult words in the speakers talk – unfamiliar vocabulary • Judging a speaker by his or her appearance and missing the content • Not having a good listening setting – too many distractions to allow focus • Our core beliefs get in the way if they are threatened by the speaker • Word blocks – some words block us from listening • Not managing Emotions – emotional deaf spots • Getting too involved in the content • Stop-Reverse-Go5

• Some tips from Osho’s commentary : Be aware of Mental labels–intellectual listening and not from the heart , Eye lenses, Listen for the Speakers intent-don’t interpret, Don’t evaluate what is being said until the speaker has finished

Towards better listening


• Practice empathetic listening – Understand and Accept • Be interested in what the speaker has to say • Look for the speakers emotions – ask what is the speaker feeling? • Listen to the speakers body language • Get the main idea of what the speaker is attempting to convey.

“Memorizing facts is not the way to listen. When people talk they want you to understand their ideas”.

• Keep the context the speaker is conveying in mind • Use the advantage of your mind’s speed to the speakers words to

• Review what you have already heard weighing it • Think ahead to the point the speaker is getting to • Listen to what’s is between the lines

• Control emotions if they arise, especially anger • React to the message and not to the speaker • Avoid hearing only what you want to hear - keep an open mind • Avoid hunting for evidence that proves the speaker or yourself

right/wrong while the speaker is speaking

Leadership Games: ‘Listening in more than one voice’14


• This exercises increases participants understanding of the diverse perspectives. Because it asks participants to adopt other’s point of view, it compels active listening.

• You are going to listen to the next few slides from two voices – your own and a second adopted voice

• Choose second voice from the following: a mature long-time employee, an Intern, an Asian young man/woman, a Female/Male professional, a Union member, an IT employee or a Marketing employee

Leadership and Project Management Culture


• Culture is an integrated pattern of values and behavior . The PM, Customer, Management, Industry affect the Culture as do organization goals.

• Project Management culture provides a guideline for leadership within an organization. A few example of different organization structures: A “planning culture” A results (goals) orientation A team-based organization Objectives with tailored processes, Who/What/Why/Where/When

questions Time and Scope dependent

Project and Team Management


• Project are becoming increasing complex. One person cannot do it all and project teams are formed so that different product functions and needs can be met. The PM is responsible to coordinate these functions and roles.

• Diversity increases with larger teams. There are different backgrounds, different behavior styles, different learning styles, different decision styles.

• Successful team management has an essential ingredient – your ability to listen to connect well with your team and accurately get information from your team. Your listening skills determine how well you understand team members feedback

• Listening skills will enable you to ask the right questions to get an accurate project status and assist you in determining beforehand in regards to issues, risks.

• Listening skills will enable you to facilitate team meetings and team conflicts

Communication and Leadership

12/6/2016 Skilled listeners make better leaders - Anju Saksena,PMP,CSM

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• “Every communication contains two components. There is the content or message conveyed and there is a definition of the relationship that the communicator sees herself as having with the other person”, ~11

• “ Peter Drucker once wrote that the job of a manager is to get workers to go

beyond the minimum acceptable level of performance… Leadership is essentially an interaction with people, I have long held the position that the most important skills a project manager must have are ‘people skills’”11

What makes a Leader

12/6/2016 Skilled listeners make better leaders - Anju Saksena,PMP,CSM

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• Model the Way • Share a Vision- Inspire • Pioneer-innovate, experiment, grow, learn • Get things done and enable others to the same - Foster collaboration, build

trust. Lead and bring about cooperation in the virtual world • Teamwork, Trust, Empowerment – have an attitude of ‘We’ vs ‘I’ attitude • Encourage the Heart – defeat exhaustion, frustration • Authentic, from the heart

• Self-awareness, Self-regulation, Motivation, Empathy, Social Skill ~’What

makes a Leader’, Daniel Goleman

Leadership and Influence


• Leader’s dilemma: Use authority or Leadership Skills

• Essentially leadership is getting followers to do a desired action Not the same as Manipulation Leadership can be exerted through Influence or Power

• Influence requires good self management and good communication skills to

work

• Six influence tactics: Reciprocation Commitment Social Validation Liking Authority/Expertise Scarcity

Leadership Games: ‘Listening in more than one voice’14


Questions: • What was it like to listen to the presentation in two voices? Could you do

it? What was easy? What was not? • What are the effects of listening with two voices? What are the effects on

the perspective of the topic being presented? What are the effects on your ability to understand what is being said?

Role of PM and Leader


• Simply put the PM is accountable for project delivery. “Leadership and Management are complementary”, John Kotter

• As a PM you will spend most of your time communicating up,

communicating down and communicating across! Good listening skills are essential!

• Leadership creates the environment in which others are able to self-actualize in the process of completing the project goal

• Use your communication skills to: Facilitates interpersonal interaction and manage conflict Establish positive working relationships Promote structuring of tasks Plan, organize, evaluate Clarify goals to team Solve problems

Techniques to develop better listening skills


• Listen to a speaker , topic or TV show that you normally tune out. Make an effort to listen asking yourself what fans like about the speaker or show. Hold off on any evaluation or judgements until the speaker has fully finished

• Practice with a friend or colleague. Have a discussion. Speak your viewpoint only after you can restate the idea and feelings of the speaker accurately and to the satisfaction of the speaker

• Practice awareness - of yourself, your mind body and your surroundings.

• Practice listening to your breath

Listen from the Heart - Quotable Quotes


“And there are different way of listening. One way is listening from the mind, and then you memorize. And you have been taught how to listen through the mind… they give you wrong notion as if memory is knowledge. Memory is not knowledge, memory is parroting. You will know the letters, you will know the words, but it will be empty, with no meaning. The word which has no meaning is dangerous. There is another way to listen, and that is from the heart. Listen as if you were not listening to a philosophy, but to a poem. Listen as you listen to music. Watch me as you watch a dancer. Feel me as you feel a lover. Then the meaning will enter into you heart and will remain there. And it will change your being, it will change your vision of life.”7

References and Further Reading


1. http://www.osho.com/read/osho/osho-on-topics/listening Osho, The Dhammapada, the way of the Buddha

2. Ashtavakra Gita 3. Enlightenment: The Only Revolution ~Osho 4. Commentary on the Maha Geeta (from http://archive.org) ~Osho 5. Are you Listening ~Ralph Nichols 6. Self-esteem ~McKay and Fanning 7. Tantric Transformation: When Love meets Meditation ~Osho 8. Srimad Bhagawatam Commentary ~Swami Mridul Krishna 9. On Becoming a Leader ~Warren Bennis 10. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, Science and Practice ~Robert Cialdini 11. Project Leadership ~James Lewis 12. Please understand me, ~David Keirsey 13. The art of managing people ~Hunsaker, Alessandra 14. Leadership Games~Steve Kaagan

http://www.osho.com/read/osho/osho-on-topics/listening






Thank you!

Anju Saksena, PMP, CSM [email protected]

Dec 6, 2016

Anju Saksena - PMI Silicon Valley Chapter

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