Animal Cookies

8/12/2019 Animal Cookies

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Animal Cookies

By

Nick Turner

All Rights Reserved Nick [email protected]



ACT I

Scene 1

A girl gets a box of animal crackers and takesone to eat. As she takes out another, she looks

closely. No heads.

REBECCAWho bit all the heads off of the animal crackers? (Noanswer.) Who bit all the heads off of the animalcrackers? (No answer.) Mom!

KYLAShe’s not home. Quit yelling. You’re so loud.

REBECCA(Showing her a headless cracker.)

Cookies?

KYLACrackers?

REBECCAWhat?

KYLAAnimal Crackers?

REBECCAAnimal Crackers are cookies.

KYLAThey’re crackers. They’re not called animal cookies, sothey’re crackers.

REBECCANotice anything odd about these animal cracker-cookies?

KYLANeeds milk?

REBECCAAnd?

KYLAThey’re missing their heads?

(Long pause.)I didn’t do it!

REBECCAOh, really?

(CONTINUED)



CONTINUED: 2.

KYLA(Sarcastically.)

Yeah, I’m leaving part of a cookie behind. Please.

REBECCACracker.

KYLAWhat?

REBECCAYou’ve never bitten the head off of an animal cracker?

KYLAI don’t know. Maybe as my first bite, but then I atethe rest.

REBECCAWell, if you didn’t, who did?

Pause.

BOTHAnnabel!

ANNABELWhat?

They both hold up a headless cracker.

REBECCAWhat do you see?

ANNABELAre you chewing your fingernails, again?

KYLAWell?

ANNABELHeadless animal crackers? Why?

REBECCAYou did it. Don’t deny it.

ANNABELIt was a mercy biting.

REBECCAHow?

(CONTINUED)



CONTINUED: 3.

ANNABELNow, they can’t see the rest of themselves being eaten.

REBECCAThey’re crackers.

KYLACookies.

ANNABELWhat?

KYLAThey aren’t alive. They don’t even have eyes.

REBECCANot anymore. She bit their heads off.

KYLA

They aren’t alive.

ANNABELNow, you’re just being mean.

REBECCAYou don’t think they are alive, do you?

ANNABELNo. Would I bite their heads off if they were reallyalive? Camel brains. Blech.

REBECCA

How do you know that’s a camel? No head.

ANNABELIt’s got a hump.

KYLACool. What’s this one?

REBECCAListen. Just stop biting off the heads and putting themback, okay?

ANNABELOh, so you two have never bitten the heads off?

REBECCANo.

KYLANot on purpose.

(CONTINUED)



CONTINUED: 4.

ANNABELFine.

KYLAGummi worms.

REBECCAWhat?

KYLAI bite the heads off of Gummi Worms on purpose.

REBECCAThat’s okay.

ANNABELWhy is that okay?

REBECCA

They’re worms.

KYLAYeah, worms.

ANNABELFirst of all, that’s gross. Second... what about Gummibears?

KYLAI’d bite the heads off Gummi Bears.

REBECCA

Me,too.

ANNABELYeah, me too. What about those chocolate bunnies?

REBECCAI bite the ears off of chocolate bunnies.

KYLAYup. Bite them right off, even though they’re hollow.

REBECCAI’m not against biting off appendages of cookie, candyanimals, chocolate bunnies. I’m against taking a biteout of a cookie and putting it back. So, no more. Andall these are yours.

ANNABELAll these are mine?

(CONTINUED)



CONTINUED: 5.

REBECCAYes. I don’t want leftover cookie parts.

KYLAMe, either. They’re all yours.

They leave.

ANNABEL(Nibbling on a cookie.)

Interesting.

Animal Cookies

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