AngerManagement_BBN

7/31/2019 AngerManagement_BBN

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Caring forCaring for

MyselfMyself

MANAGING ANGERMANAGING ANGER

By:Dr. Bijaya Bhusan Nanda, Deputy Director,

Gopabandhu Academy of Administration
http://loureads.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/angry-woman-2_Full.jpghttp://loureads.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/angry-woman-2_Full.jpghttp://loureads.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/angry-woman-2_Full.jpg


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Managing AngerManaging AngerManage anger that lead to strongerManage anger that lead to strongerrelationships and fewer problems.relationships and fewer problems.

ObjectivesObjectives

To Understand, what is anger andTo Understand, what is anger andwhat happens when we are Angrywhat happens when we are AngryTo become aware of different angerTo become aware of different angermanagement styles.management styles.

To learn positive techniques forTo learn positive techniques formanaging anger.managing anger.


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Why and When Anger occurs?

Is it wrong to have feelings ofanger?

When can feelings of anger resultin something good happening?

When can feelings of anger resultin something bad?

SHARING OF EXPERIENCE


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General Belief System ofGeneral Belief System of

AngerAnger

Anger is a normal and necessary emotion.Anger is a normal and necessary emotion. It is not wrong to experience feelings ofIt is not wrong to experience feelings of

anger.anger.

Everyone experiences feelings of anger;Everyone experiences feelings of anger;

some people experience it more intenselysome people experience it more intensely

and often than other people.and often than other people.

Anger is your bodys way of telling you thatAnger is your bodys way of telling you that

something is wrong. It is your bodyssomething is wrong. It is your bodysresponse to an unmet need, expectation orresponse to an unmet need, expectation orbelief.belief.


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Anger can feel wrong to some peopleAnger can feel wrong to some people

because they have been taught thatbecause they have been taught that

feeling/expressing anger is not good.feeling/expressing anger is not good.

Anger can appear wrong when peopleAnger can appear wrong when people

express it in inappropriate ways, such asexpress it in inappropriate ways, such as

using violence.using violence. When expressed appropriately, anger canWhen expressed appropriately, anger can

lead to having your needs met, withoutlead to having your needs met, withouthindering the needs of others.hindering the needs of others.

Appropriate expressions of anger can leadAppropriate expressions of anger can lead

to stronger relationships and moreto stronger relationships and more

satisfying situations.satisfying situations.

Anyone can become angry that isso easy. But to become angry withthe right person, to the rightdegree, at the right time, for theright purpose and in the right way


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How Anger feelings areHow Anger feelings are

expressed?expressed?

Enraged,Enraged, Irritated,Irritated, Ticked off,Ticked off, Perturbed,Perturbed,

Steaming,Steaming, Frustrated,Frustrated, Furious,Furious, Annoyed,Annoyed, Upset,Upset, Up in Arms,Up in Arms,

Boiling,Boiling, Heated up,Heated up, Incensed,Incensed, Displeased,Displeased,

Fuming,Fuming,Offended,Offended,Mad.Mad.

Feelings of anger can be a common,Feelings of anger can be a common,

everyday occurrence for people.everyday occurrence for people.


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What happens to you,What happens to you,

when you feel Angry?when you feel Angry? Body goes into a fight or flight response.Body goes into a fight or flight response. Chemicals areChemicals are

released into your bloodstreamreleased into your bloodstream to prime you up for theto prime you up for the

fight or help you flee the situation.fight or help you flee the situation.

These powerful chemicals cause your body to undergoThese powerful chemicals cause your body to undergo

extreme changes.extreme changes.

Breathing begins to increases and blood is detoured awayBreathing begins to increases and blood is detoured away

from the internal organs and shunts it to your muscles forfrom the internal organs and shunts it to your muscles for

strength.strength.

Pupils dilate, vision sharpen and awareness intensifies.Pupils dilate, vision sharpen and awareness intensifies.

Rational mind is disengaged and thoughts becomeRational mind is disengaged and thoughts become

distorted.distorted.

You are in your anger attack mode and ready to fight.You are in your anger attack mode and ready to fight.


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The fight or flight reaction gears you up for battle,The fight or flight reaction gears you up for battle,

however most times there really is no battle to fight.however most times there really is no battle to fight.

When you face real dangers in the world, this fight or flightWhen you face real dangers in the world, this fight or flight

response is invaluable to your survival, but when you areresponse is invaluable to your survival, but when you are

in a constant state of fight or flight day after day yourin a constant state of fight or flight day after day your

health can begin to sufferhealth can begin to suffer..

The powerful chemicals accumulate and make your bodyThe powerful chemicals accumulate and make your body

pay a price for being in a constant high energy state.pay a price for being in a constant high energy state.

People with chronic anger are more likely to have:People with chronic anger are more likely to have:

suppressed immune systems,suppressed immune systems,

gastrointestinal problems: irritable bowel syndrome and ulcers.gastrointestinal problems: irritable bowel syndrome and ulcers.

heart attacks and strokes,heart attacks and strokes,

blood pressure.blood pressure.


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Science Daily (June 1, 2010) When we get angry, theScience Daily (June 1, 2010) When we get angry, the

heart rate, arterial tension and testosterone productionheart rate, arterial tension and testosterone production

increases, cortisol (the stress hormone) decreases, andincreases, cortisol (the stress hormone) decreases, andthe left hemisphere of the brain becomes more stimulated.the left hemisphere of the brain becomes more stimulated.

This is indicated by a new investigation lead by scientistsThis is indicated by a new investigation lead by scientists

from the University of Valencia (UV) that analyses thefrom the University of Valencia (UV) that analyses the

changes in the brain's cardiovascular, hormonal andchanges in the brain's cardiovascular, hormonal andasymmetric activation response when we get angry.asymmetric activation response when we get angry.


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My Anger Management StyleMy Anger Management Style

YourYour

ScoreScore

Place a 0, 1, or 2 in the column labeled Your Score.Place a 0, 1, or 2 in the column labeled Your Score.

0 means that the item is never or rarely true for you0 means that the item is never or rarely true for you1 means that the item is sometimes true1 means that the item is sometimes true

2 means that the item is almost always true for you.2 means that the item is almost always true for you.

1.1. I am blunt and forceful when things dont go my way.I am blunt and forceful when things dont go my way.

2.2. I avoid or withdraw from people when I am angry withI avoid or withdraw from people when I am angry withthem.them.

3.3. I complain about people behind their back, but not toI complain about people behind their back, but not totheir face.their face.

4.4. I disagree with others without attacking them orI disagree with others without attacking them or

becoming defensive.becoming defensive.5.5. I dont keep grudges or seek revenge when problemsI dont keep grudges or seek revenge when problems

cannot be solved.cannot be solved.

6.6. I dont like to let other people know when I am angry.I dont like to let other people know when I am angry.

7.7. I feel like hitting someone who makes me very angry.I feel like hitting someone who makes me very angry.


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11.11. I politely, but firmly, tell others when I am angry.I politely, but firmly, tell others when I am angry.

12.12. I repent and feel sorry for myself when I am angry.I repent and feel sorry for myself when I am angry.

13.13. I cover my anger by drinking, taking drugs, orI cover my anger by drinking, taking drugs, orovereating.overeating.

14.14. I swear loudly to blow off steam.I swear loudly to blow off steam.

15.15. I take some time to calm down before talking withI take some time to calm down before talking withothers.others.

16.16. I try not to let my anger showI try not to let my anger show

17.17. I use sarcasm and little jokes or names to makeI use sarcasm and little jokes or names to make

people look bad or feel bad.people look bad or feel bad.18.18. If Im very upset, Ill hit something.If Im very upset, Ill hit something.

19.19. If things are bad enough, Ill throw something.If things are bad enough, Ill throw something.

20.20. When I am angry, I become silent to make itWhen I am angry, I become silent to make it

obvious that I am unhappy.obvious that I am unhappy.


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SCORINGSCORING

Put your score for each item in the matching box. Add thePut your score for each item in the matching box. Add thescores for each Row and put the total in the last box, e.g., Stylescores for each Row and put the total in the last box, e.g., StyleA total is #1 + #7 + #14 + #18 + #19 = A: ____A total is #1 + #7 + #14 + #18 + #19 = A: ____

TotalsTotals

#1#1 # 7# 7 # 14# 14 # 18# 18 # 19# 19 A:A:

# 6# 6 # 8# 8 # 9# 9 # 13# 13 # 16# 16 B:B:

# 2# 2 # 3# 3 # 12# 12 # 17# 17 # 20# 20 C:C:

# 4# 4 # 5# 5 # 10# 10 # 11# 11 # 15# 15 D:D:


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Anger Management StylesAnger Management StylesStyle A-Open Aggression:Style A-Open Aggression:

This style uses physical or verbal force to get ridThis style uses physical or verbal force to get ridof the threats to the person as a naturalof the threats to the person as a naturalreactions to severe stress. There are very fewreactions to severe stress. There are very fewsituations where open aggression is ansituations where open aggression is an

appropriate response. Open aggression oftenappropriate response. Open aggression oftenleads to increased anger and more problems.leads to increased anger and more problems.Research has found that people who vent angerResearch has found that people who vent angerin aggressive ways tend to become more angryin aggressive ways tend to become more angryrather than less.rather than less.

Style B-Suppressed Anger:Style B-Suppressed Anger: Pretend not toPretend not to

be angrybe angry

They ignore their angry feelings. They feelThey ignore their angry feelings. They feeluncomfortable expressing anger and dont wantuncomfortable expressing anger and dont wantother people to know when they are angry.other people to know when they are angry.Anger that is ignored does not go away. ThisAnger that is ignored does not go away. Thismay lead to headaches, ulcers, stomachaches,may lead to headaches, ulcers, stomachaches,


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Style C-Passive Aggressive:Style C-Passive Aggressive: They choose toThey choose toshow their anger in indirect ways, instead ofshow their anger in indirect ways, instead ofconfronting the problem head on. They often hopeconfronting the problem head on. They often hope

the other person will notice that they are angry bythe other person will notice that they are angry bypouting, refusing to talk, or giving nonverbal clues,pouting, refusing to talk, or giving nonverbal clues,such as slamming a door or stomping their feet. Thissuch as slamming a door or stomping their feet. Thisanger management style also tries to get back at theanger management style also tries to get back at theperson by talking about them behind their back,person by talking about them behind their back,

belittling them, or using sarcasm. Similar to openbelittling them, or using sarcasm. Similar to openaggression, this style of anger management oftenaggression, this style of anger management oftenleads to increased anger and problems.leads to increased anger and problems.Style D-Assertive Problem Solving:Style D-Assertive Problem Solving:

They choose to pay attention to their anger signsThey choose to pay attention to their anger signsand deal with problems in an assertive mannerand deal with problems in an assertive mannerand express their anger in polite and honestand express their anger in polite and honest

ways. They are able to confront other peopleways. They are able to confront other peoplewithout attacking them personally and dontwithout attacking them personally and dontbecome defensive when talking aboutbecome defensive when talking aboutdifferences. They seek to resolve problems indifferences. They seek to resolve problems inmutually acceptable ways. People with this angermutually acceptable ways. People with this anger

management style are able to release their angrymanagement style are able to release their angryemotions and forgive other people, even whenemotions and forgive other people, even when


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Anger Management Style -Anger Management Style -

Assertive Problem SolvingAssertive Problem Solving

The Assertive Problem Solving style ofThe Assertive Problem Solving style ofanger management can be summed upanger management can be summed upusing the ACTS technique.using the ACTS technique.

ACTSACTSA = AWARE of your anger signalsA = AWARE of your anger signals

C = CONTOL your responseC = CONTOL your response

T = TALK about the situation in a calm,T = TALK about the situation in a calm,

polite, andpolite, and assertive mannerassertive mannerS = SOLVE the problem through aS = SOLVE the problem through amutuallymutually agreeable plan of actionagreeable plan of action


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A stands for becoming AWAREA stands for becoming AWARE

of the signs of angry feelings.of the signs of angry feelings.

The first step to appropriate angerThe first step to appropriate angermanagement is to become aware of yourmanagement is to become aware of yourangry feelings as soon as possible. DONTangry feelings as soon as possible. DONT

let angry feelings build and simmer.let angry feelings build and simmer. What are signs that you are feelingsWhat are signs that you are feelings

angry?angry?

Rising voice, Hand shaking, Jaw tightening,Rising voice, Hand shaking, Jaw tightening,

Shorter breaths, Tense muscles, Flushed,Shorter breaths, Tense muscles, Flushed,Red face, etc.Red face, etc.


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C stands for CONTROLLINGC stands for CONTROLLING

your response.your response. THINK before you act. Think about the best way toTHINK before you act. Think about the best way to

handle this situation. What choices do you have?handle this situation. What choices do you have?What are the pros and cons of each choice?What are the pros and cons of each choice?

This is a good time to practice the technique ofThis is a good time to practice the technique of

counting to ten before responding. The trick is tocounting to ten before responding. The trick is toget yourself under control so that you can respondget yourself under control so that you can respond

in an appropriate and logical manner. Keep thein an appropriate and logical manner. Keep theend result in mind to resolve this situation in aend result in mind to resolve this situation in a

way that meets your needs without hindering theway that meets your needs without hindering theneeds of othersneeds of others


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T Stands for TALKING about theT Stands for TALKING about the

situationsituation

Talk about the situation in a calm, polite,Talk about the situation in a calm, polite,and assertive manner. Assertiveand assertive manner. Assertivetechniques include talking abouttechniques include talking about

differences without becoming defensive ordifferences without becoming defensive orattacking the other person. Talking aboutattacking the other person. Talking about

the situation may involve using athe situation may involve using atechnique called the W.I.N. method oftechnique called the W.I.N. method of

confrontation. This method helps youconfrontation. This method helps youfocus on the real issue, express how it isfocus on the real issue, express how it is

affecting you, and describe what youaffecting you, and describe what youwould like from the situation.would like from the situation.

W stands for WHEN to say to the person. IW stands for WHEN to say to the person. I


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S stands for SOLVING theS stands for SOLVING the

problemproblem

The final step to the ACTS techniqueThe final step to the ACTS technique

of assertive problem-solving is toof assertive problem-solving is to

negotiate a mutually agreeablenegotiate a mutually agreeablesolution to the situation, create ansolution to the situation, create an

action plan, and follow through withaction plan, and follow through with

it. The solution should be win-winit. The solution should be win-winfor everyone involved.for everyone involved.


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What To Do WhenWhat To Do When

A Solution Is Not PossibleA Solution Is Not Possible::

1.1. Change your perception about theChange your perception about theeventevent and choose to drop your anger,and choose to drop your anger,remind yourself that it is over andremind yourself that it is over and

refuse to get angry again.refuse to get angry again.

2.2. Get professional help and counselingGet professional help and counseling

Get a third party to negotiate aGet a third party to negotiate aresolution. This is a good option when: a.resolution. This is a good option when: a.

the issue is very important, b. both sidesthe issue is very important, b. both sideswant to resolve the problem, but they arewant to resolve the problem, but they areSTUCK, and/or the anger has beenSTUCK, and/or the anger has beenintense and frequent.intense and frequent.

3.3. Withdraw or leave the situationWithdraw or leave the situation

This is an im ortant o tion if ou feelThis is an im ortant o tion if ou feel


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TEN TIPS FOR ANGER MANAGEMENTTEN TIPS FOR ANGER MANAGEMENT

No. 1: Take a timeout:No. 1: Take a timeout: Before reacting to aBefore reacting to a

tense situation, take a few moments to breathetense situation, take a few moments to breathe

deeply and count to 10.deeply and count to 10. No. 2: Once you're calm, express your anger:No. 2: Once you're calm, express your anger:

As soon as you're thinking clearly, express yourAs soon as you're thinking clearly, express yourfrustration in an assertive but nonconfrontationalfrustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational

way.way. No. 3: Get some exercise:No. 3: Get some exercise: If you feel your angerIf you feel your anger

escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spendescalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spendsome time doing other favorite physical activities.some time doing other favorite physical activities.

No. 4 Think before you speak:No. 4 Think before you speak:In the heat of theIn the heat of themoment, it's easy to say something you'll latermoment, it's easy to say something you'll laterregret.regret.

No. 5: Identify possible solutions:No. 5: Identify possible solutions: Instead ofInstead of

focusing on what made you mad, work onfocusing on what made you mad, work onresolvin the issue at hand.resolvin the issue at hand.


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No. 7: Don't hold a grudge:No. 7: Don't hold a grudge: Forgiveness is aForgiveness is apowerful tool. It's unrealistic to expect everyone topowerful tool. It's unrealistic to expect everyone tobehave exactly as you want at all times.behave exactly as you want at all times.

No. 8: Use humor to release tension:No. 8: Use humor to release tension:

Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Don't useLightening up can help diffuse tension. Don't usesarcasm, though it can hurt feelings and makesarcasm, though it can hurt feelings and make

things worse.things worse.

No. 9: Practice relaxation skills:No. 9: Practice relaxation skills: When yourWhen yourtemper flares, put relaxation skills to work.temper flares, put relaxation skills to work.Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine aPractice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a

relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word orrelaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or

phrase, such as, "Take it easy.phrase, such as, "Take it easy. No. 10: Know when to seek help:No. 10: Know when to seek help: Learning toLearning to

control anger is a challenge for everyone at times.control anger is a challenge for everyone at times.Consider seeking help for anger issues if yourConsider seeking help for anger issues if your

anger seems out of control, causes you to doanger seems out of control, causes you to do


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Thank You Dear!Thank You Dear!

A moment of Anger;May repent you for ever.

Anger one letter short of

Danger.Tame Your Anger,

That will make you happier.

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