ANE & K ENDALL COUNTIES Amusing Stories • Jokes • Puzzles ... · 4/17/2019 · Amusing Stories...

April 17, 2019 Volume 13, Issue 15

Amusing Stories • Jokes • Puzzles • TriviaCommunity Events and Coupons

Distribution on the 1st & 3rd Wednesday of each monthFor Advertising: Michelle Brokop (815)751-1286 Email: [email protected]

If you are age 7 - 107. . . Enjoy Your FREE Copy Of The Orange Peel Gazette

Download your FREE copy today at: www.OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com

FREETAKE ONE

KANE & KENDALL COUNTIESOORANGERANGE PPEELEEL GGAZETTEAZETTE

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Where does a bunny go if you give him a pair of socks?

Answer on page 13

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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE... WWW.ORANGEPEELGAZETTEKANECO.COM • PAGE 2

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Hot-Headed Golfer A hot-headed golfer with a penchant for breaking

clubs was playing one day when he came to the 16thhole, where he faced an approach shot across a ravine. He said to his caddie, "What kind of distance do we

have, son?" The caddie replied, "About 135, sir." "My 6 iron, please," said the hothead. His caddie replied, "It's going to have to be either a

3 iron or 3 wood, sir. That's all that's left in the bag!"

Movie Impatience We went to the movies the other night. I sat in an

aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a littleroomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a personfrom the center of the row got up and started workingtheir way across. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me,

gotta hurry, oops, excuse me." By the time the person got to me I was trying to see

the screen and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?" "No!!" was the loud whisper, "The TURN OFF

YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashedup on the screen and mine is out in the car."

TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 3

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opes Torn?Pu

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Caliber Home Loans and any above mentioned companies are not affiliated. Caliber Home Loans, Inc., 1525 S. Belt Line Rd, Coppell, TX 75019. NMLS ID#15622 (http://www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org/EntityDetails.aspx/COMPANY/15622). 1-800-401-6587. Copyright © 2019. AllRights Reserved. Equal Housing Lender. This is not an offer to enter into an agreement. Not all customers will qualify. Information, rates, and programs are subject to change without prior notice. All products are subject to credit and property approval. Not all products areavailable in all states or for all dollar amounts. If you are refinancing your existing loan, your total finance charges may be higher over the life of the loan. Other restrictions and limitations apply. NMLS ID #15622 (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org).

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Slow Leak The right front tire on my car had a slow leak. I

took it to the shop where I bought the tire, and theypromptly removed the wheel and immersed it in a bigtub of soapy water. This showed the leak was in acracked wheel rim rather than the tire. I drove to the dealership for a new wheel rim, and

they asked,"Which wheel?" I replied, "The clean one!"

Galaxies The New York Times, among other papers, recently

published a new Hubble Space Telescope photographof distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of

colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but withthe vastly improved resolution provided by the HubbleSpace Telescope, you can actually see the lawyersrushing to the scene.

Golf Ransom Marvin found the following ransom note slipped

under his front door: "Bring $50,000 to the 17th holeof your country club tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. if youever want to see your wife alive again." But it was well after one o'clock by the time he

arrived at the designated meeting spot. A masked man stepped from behind a bush and

demanded, "You're three hours late. What took you solong?" "Give me a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his

scorecard. "I'm a 27 handicap.

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 4


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Remember Me? One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a

nightclub, only to find the place packed with youngpeople. At 40, we felt old, but before we could make adignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us. "Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I

thought. Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to

one of my friends and said, "Hello. Remember me?You were my third grade teacher."

Helping a Bum A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor.

"I feel really good today. I started out this morningwith an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollarbill to a bum." "You gave a bum five whole dollars? That's a lot of

money to just give away. What did you husband sayabout it?" "Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He

said, 'Thanks.'"

Report Card Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report

card." Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare

his parents."

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and theother to give it a surprising twist at the end.

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Healthy Competition The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new

business much like his own opened up next door anderected a huge sign which read ... BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened

up on his right, and announced its arrival with an evenlarger sign, reading ... LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.

He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read... MAIN ENTRANCE.

MENSA Convention MENSA is an organization whose members have an

IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was aMENSA Convention in San Francisco and severalmembers lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker

contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full ofsalt. How could they swap the contents of the bottleswithout spilling and using only the implements athand? Clearly, this was a job for MENSA! The group debated and presented ideas and finally

came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, astraw and an empty saucer. They called the waitressover to dazzle her with their solution. "Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice

that the pepper shaker contains salt and the saltshaker..." "Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that."

So she unscrewed the caps of both and switched them.

What Don't You Have? An elderly man went to the doctor for

a visit. "Doc," he says, "I am so stricken.I have chest pains, headaches, backpains, nausea, arthritis, constipation,stomach cramps, ear-aches, burning inthe eyes, congested lungs....." "Sir," says the doctor, "you complain

you have so many things ... what DON'Tyou have?" The man answers, "Teeth."

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Call Michelle (815)751-1286

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The Orange Peel Gazette is distributed by over 400 businesses throughoutKane & Kendall Counties including various...


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Appearing In This Issue Of The ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE


THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE

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THIS IS AN OLD GROANER OF A HUMOROUSEASTER BUNNY STORY….

A man was driving along the highway when he saw the Easter bunny hopping across the middle of theroad. He swerved to avoid hitting the bunny, but unfortunately the Easter bunny jumped in front of thecar and was struck. The basket of eggs and candy, the rabbit was

carrying, went flying all over the place. The driver,being a sensitive man, as well as an animal lover,pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to seewhat had become of the rabbit carrying the basket.Much to his dismay, the colorful rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man

crying on the side of the road and pulled over. Shestepped out of her car and asked the man what waswrong. 'I feel terrible', he explained, 'I accidentally hitthe Easter bunny and killed it. Children will be so disappointed. What should I do?'The woman told the man not to worry. She knew

what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out aspray can. She walked over to the dead, limp rabbit,and sprayed the contents of the can onto the furry animal. Miraculously the Easter bunny came to life,jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy,waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down theroad. 50 feet away the Easter bunny stopped, turnedaround, waved and hopped down the road. 50 feet further on, he turned again, waved and hopped another50 feet, again he waved. The man was astonished.

He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can. He ran over to the woman and asked, 'What is in your spray can? What did you spray on the Easter bunny?'The woman turned the can

around so that the man could read the label. It said: 'Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.'



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Hand Dryers My pastor friend put sanitary hot air hand dryers in

the rest rooms at his church and after two weeks tookthem out. I asked him why and he confessed that they worked

fine but when he went in there he saw a sign that read:"For a sample of this week's sermon, push the button."

The HecklerAn old man was sitting in the front row at a town

meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a longspeech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience whathe has ever done for the good of the city." "Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice.

"I voted against you in the last election."

Hello..... The proprietor of a small village drugstore was

called out one sleepy summer morning, leaving the es-tablishment temporarily under the sole management ofa very young, and very uneducated, clerk. "Just an-swer the phone if it rings, Jim," instructed the propri-etor. The phone rang. "Hello," said the clerk. "Do you have streptomycin and aureomycin?"

asked a voice at the other end. The clerk scratched his head, then said, "Ma'am,

when I said 'Hello' I told you everything I know

Officer's First Patrol A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an

experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them todisperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd

standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said,"Let's get off the corner." No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!"

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzledglances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this was a

bus stop."

Q. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?A. Eggs mark the spot!

Q. What did the father Easter egg do when the mother Easter egg told him a joke? A. He cracked up!

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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCONNECTING CUSTOMERS AND BUSINESSES. . .THAT’S WHAT WE DO BEST! • PAGE 9

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Opee Gazette says: Let’s Play!Who Wants To Be A Zillionaire?


The General Knowledge Quiz 8

Se Habla Español

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$696,000 Question...Which company is owned by Bill Gates?A) HP B) MicrosoftC) IBM D) Cisco $697,000 Question...What would you do with a maris piper?A) Fly it - a plane B) Eat it - a potatoC) Write - a pen D) Talk - a phone$698,000 Question...What kind of animal is a lurcher?A) Dog B) CatC) Horse D) Snake$699,000 Question...In fable who sold a cow for five beans?A) Jack B) JillC) Herman D) Bill$700,000 Question...Alfred Nobel made his fortune by inventing something.What did he invent? A) Razors B) EncyclopediaC) Dynamite D) Eyeglasses

$701,000 Question...Munroes are mountains in what country?A) France B) EnglandC) Scotland D) India$702,000 Question...What does an alopecia sufferer lack?A) Confidence B) HearingC) Clothing D) Hair$703,000 Question...Triskadeccaphobia is the fear of what?A) Clowns B) SnakesC) Spiders D) the number 13

(Answers below - See you next issue)

Answers: $696 - B; $697 - B; $698 - A; $699 - A; $700 - C; $701 - C; $702 - D; $703 - D.

G.P.A. At the end of the college year, a star football player

celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending alate night campus party. Soon after arriving, he becamecaptivated by a beautiful young thing and eased into aconversation with her by asking if she met many datesat parties. "Oh, I have a 3.9, so I'm much more attracted to the

strong academic types than to dumb party animals,"she said. "What's your G.P.A.?" Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get

about 27 in the city and 38 on the highway."

Garage Sale Early one evening a man went out to his garage

and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway.Shortly after followed the lawn mower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle. A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he

was going to have a garage sale. "No," replied the gentleman, "my son just bought

his first car and right now he's getting ready for a bigdate." "So what's with all the stuff?" asked the neighbor. "Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and

sports equipment out of the way every time I camehome from work I wanted to make sure the drivewaywas ready for him."



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Registration March 1 - May 31

Walk-ins welcome 9AM - 4PM1375 Paramount Pkwy Batavia IL 60510

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, MMeMedMediMedicMedicaMedicalMedical/Medical/DMedical/DeMedical/DenMedical/DentMedical/DentaMedical/DentalMedical/Dental/Medical/Dental/VMedical/Dental/ViMedical/Dental/VisMedical/Dental/VisiMedical/Dental/VisioMedical/Dental/VisionMedical/Dental/Vision Medical/Dental/Vision iMedical/Dental/Vision inMedical/Dental/Vision insMedical/Dental/Vision insuMedical/Dental/Vision insurMedical/Dental/Vision insuraMedical/Dental/Vision insuranMedical/Dental/Vision insurancMedical/Dental/Vision insuranceMedical/Dental/Vision insurance,Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 4Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 40Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401KMedical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K pMedical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plMedical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plaMedical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K planMedical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan,Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation/sick time

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, l

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, li

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, lif

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life i

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life in

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life ins

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insu

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insur

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insura

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insuran

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insuranc

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance,

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance,

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, p

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, pa

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, pai

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid v

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid va

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vac

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vaca

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacat

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacati

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacatio

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation/

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation/s

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation/si

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation/sic

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation/sick

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation/sick

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation/sick t

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation/sick ti

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation/sick tim

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation/sick time

• Drivers - $1,500 Sign On Bonus!Class “C” CDL with passenger endorsement

required - PAID TRAINING• Fleet Technician• Morning Dispatcher (4:30am - 1pm)• Scheduler

Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation/sick time

Walk-ins welcome 9am - 4pm1375 Paramount Pkwy, BataviaFor more info call 630-517-5580

www.ride-right.net

NowHiring

Angvick Antique Motors

PO Box 7 • Burlington, IL 60109

(847)287-4413 oldmotorsguy.com [email protected]

Specializing in vehicles manufactured prior to 1940BUY • SELL • RESTORE • REPAIR

Gas Prices When the family car developed a slight knock, the

husband asked his wife if she had bought regular orpremium gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That

could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied

indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband. "It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I

bought the usual ten dollars worth."

Generation GapMy granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with

me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gonethrough a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips,and said in disbelief, "You mean you can do all that,but you can't operate my Game Boy?"

Get Better Soon A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients

in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboardalong. He told some jokes and sang some funny songsat patients' bedsides. When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you

get better." One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get

better, too."



LINCOLN HWYLINCOLN HWY

May 11, 2019May 11, 20199am - 3pmFranklin Grove, IL

Registration $12Day of show Registration 9 - 12

Vendors spots available $25

Info - 815-456-2695Email: [email protected]://parkboardcarshow.wixsite.com/lhcs

Cars • Trucks Rat Rods • MotorcyclesCustom Golf Cars

Judging at Noon

Proceeds benefit Alasta Park’s new handicap

accessible restrooms.

Get $50 OFFService Call

Expires 2/28/19

884477--664499--33333333COMMERCIAL REFRIGERATION SERVICE

Gene Beck - Owner Operator since 1980 Expires 5/31/19

815.751.1286

You See This AdYour customers will

too.Advertise in the ORANGE PEELGAZETTE

Lawyer's Wife A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are

appalled to see that the tombstone reads: "Here lies Shirley, wife of Sam Johnson, LLD,

Wills, Divorce, Malpractice, and Immigration LegalServices" Suddenly, Sam bursts into tears. His brother says,

"You SHOULD cry, pulling a cheap stunt like this onShirley's tombstone!" Through his tears, Sam sobs, "You don't under-

stand! They left out the phone number!"

Lazy Worker A construction site foreman had 10 very lazy men

working for him, so one day he decided to trick theminto doing some work for a change. "I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one

among you," he announced. "Will the laziest manplease put his hand up." Nine hands went up. "Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the

10th man. "Too much trouble," he responded.

Getting Away Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple

spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. Whenthey found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from othercampers, they devised a plan to assure themselvessome privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign

on the door of their RV: "Insurance agent. Ask aboutour term-life package."

Hut-2-3-4.... As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant

saw that one of them was marching out of step. Walking up next to the man as they marched, he saidsarcastically: "Do you know they are all out of step except you?" "What?" asked the recruit innocently. "I said -- they are all out of step except you!"

thundered the sergeant. The recruit replied, "Well, sarge, you're in charge --

you tell them!"

Welcome Home provides people who have moved with useful community information and FREE gifts from localmerchants: all to help you become familiar with the area.

Call or Text For a Visit -Batavia • North Aurora • Batavia/Mill Creek

Jennifer Zack • 630-229-2001

Moved Recently?We would enjoy meeting you!

- www.welcomehomebatavia.com -

For Sale! ONE OF 3 EVER MADE! A rare Victorian Era, 1902, STEINWAY B. Big Parlor Grand Piano.

Appraised in 1994 for $100,000. A beautiful mahogany classic. Privately owned & located in a DeKalb residence. The others are in the Chicago and Washington D.C. areas,

and understood to not be for sale. Complete specifications, pictures, professional

statement of condition, etc., are available from: Richard H. “Dick” Crosby of Rockford. Sold AS IS-WHERE IS! Inspection by appointment only. PLEASE! Serious inquirys only!

email: [email protected] Spread the Word!



Answer to front cover... A Sock Hop

(815) 827-3051

210 MAIN STREET • MAPLE PARK

PEG’S ON MAIN

~ Visit our Gift Shop ~for Cards, Home Decor & Gifts Galore

Full Service Hair Salon for Men & Woman

Color - Cuts - Perms - Gift Shop

Pamper yourselfor someone special with a new look!

Family Restaurant

With a minimumpurchase of $10

(before taxes) receive

$1 OFF* $10 order$2 OFF* $20 order$5 OFF* $35 order$10 OFF* $50 order

*Not to be used with any other offer.

(630)892-11001700 S. Douglas Rd

Montgomery

VIDEO GAMING ROOMNew Back Entrance with more Games & Bar Area

Come Play atGrandma’s! Open

‘til Midnight

PINBALL MACHINESCOIN OPERATEDARCADE GAMESDART MACHINES

IN HOME REPAIRSBUY & SELL

HOME AMUSEMENTS(630)742-2472

How LongThe company I work for offers tours through the

historic district of Annapolis, Maryland, led by guidesdressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group,Felix, one of our guides, tripped and fell, breaking hiswrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the

emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at Felix in his 18th-century garb, he asked,"Just how long have you been waiting?"

If I Die First... Now that they are retired, my mother and father are

discussing all aspects of their future. "What will you doif I die before you do?" Dad asked Mom. After some thought, she said that she'd probably look

for a house- sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a littleyounger than herself, since she is so active for her age. Then Mom asked Dad, "What will you do if I die

first?" He replied, "Probably the same thing."

Its Got To Be Love An older couple regularly attended church. The

pastor was much impressed by how harmonious andhow in love they seemed. They always held hands allthrough the service. One day after church, the pastor couldn't resist going

up to them to express his admiration. He said, "I find it so inspirational to see how deeply in love youare, even, after all these years, holding hands like that." The wife looked up sharply and said, "It's not love,

Pastor, I'm just keeping him from cracking his knuckles."

In The Park A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to

an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by thechild's kindness, and gave her the dollar. "There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell

me, isn't the lady able to work any more?" "Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."

Matt Gavin16119 Chicago Road Sandwich, IL 60548

Phone (815) 786-2242Cel (815) 405-9988Fax (815) 786-2296

Gavin Woodworking, Inc.Furniture Refinishing - Repairing

Special Wood Products - Chair CaningGeneral Machining - General Painting


Hetts Auto SalesLooking for a quality usedvehicle? All our vehicles aresafety inspected, have a carfax report and many are

priced in the $3000 - $9000 range. View our inventory at

www.hettsautosales.comHetts Auto Sales is locatedin downtown Oswego by theR/R tracks, “Our mission isto give you a pleasurablebuying experience” and remember owner, Ed and son, Matt are your friendsin the car business.Hetts Auto Sales

69 W. Washington St. (Rt 34)Oswego, IL 60543630-554-9339

www.hettsautosales.com

CASH PAIDWWII, WWIMilitary uniforms,

photos, weapons, medals,patches, helmets, posters,souvenirs, & older firearms.

630-215-3664

Garage Doors by CurtSales and ServiceWe Sell CHI DoorsLift Master Openers(630)276-3453

BUYING

AUTOMOTIVE

The Right GuyCarpet Cleaning, Inc

Certified Cleaning for CarpetTile/Grout, Area Rugs, Upholstery, RV’s

Residential/Business/Rentalswww.TRGCarpetCleaning.comFor Reviews & Pics • 19yrs Exp.630-264-4369 Free Estimates

CARPET CLEANING

GARAGE DOORS

EGGS FOR SALE

AL’S ELECTRIC(Semi Retired, but not Tired)Licensed • 45 yrs Exp

Just Call Al (630)514-6569

ELECTRICAL

Ed & Judie’s Chicken EggFarm: Self Service6S260 Hankes Rd

Aurora (630)907-0775

$125 Mixed Face Cord$150 Oak Face CordFree Delivery/Stacked630-907-0775 Ed

FIREWOOD

ASPHALTDRIVEWAY REPAIRINSTALL & PATCHING

ASPHALT SEAL COATING & STRIPINGANDEL SERVICES, INC

Hand Applied Se Habla EspañolOffice: 630 566 0210Cell: 630 675 7102


HANDYMAN-NAILS-ITHome Improve/Rpr/Mainthandyman-nails-it.com(630) 360-3039

Glass Repair & ReplacementBroken window/door Repair

224-228-1000Classic Glass and Glazing

GLASS REPAIR

Gary’s Painting & Handyman (630)409-1701$25/hour local

$27/hour long distance

HANDYMAN

HOME TYPISTS NEEDEDTyping court transcripts from recorded audio.

35 pgs./day min., paid/pageMSWord/WP, no data entry

RECORDING REPORTERSPersons to record Hearings/Depositions in Chicago &Suburbs paid per assignment

SPECIFIC POSITION ANDSEND RESUME TO:

LeGrand Court ReportingFax: (630) [email protected]

HELP WANTED

For Sale - 2008 John Deere1050J 14,700 hours.

Maintained and serviced bylocal JD Dealer.

Undercarriage 95%. Hydraulics freshly serviced.Documentation of all repairs.Starts easily even when cold.$150,000 open to offers.Call Scott (224)325-0844

CONSTRUCTIONEQUIPMENT

Cash for Record AlbumsRock • Jazz • Blues

St. Charles 206-432-1682

Experienced Lawn RollerHonest & Reliable

Beautiful Lawn & Tree Care630-585-0221

Established 22 yr business.Work for yourself. Turn Key

equipment, inventory, business available 630-859-1266

FOR SALE

Accepting ApplicationsFT/PT ice cream truck drivers/sales, Aurora, ILSlammin’ Ice Creamz, IncChofer para manejartroca de helado630-741-9382

HELP WANTED

Ready For The Future?Unlimited Income/We TrainTravel Agents/Reps/FT/PTWORK HOME 888-648-3030

Batavia, Sugar Grove, St. Charles & Woodridge office & warehouse space for lease, from 1,500sq ft to 12,000sq ft. For info Call Don 630-330-7637or Sarah 630-318-2341

INDUSTRIALSPACE FOR RENT

HOUSE CLEANING

Veronica & Audelia’sHouse Cleaning Services

630-506-2895630-935-5287

WANTED

RON’S QUALITY PAINTINGInterior - ExteriorAffordable & Clean

Over 25 years experienceFree Estimates - Insured

(847)489-9907

Band Instruments: Cellos Open Hole Flutes, TrumpetsDouble French Horns,

Saxophones (847)951-7098

AGUAS REMODELINGAll Kinds of Repairs;Electrical - Walls

Bathrooms - KitchensPainting

Habla Espanol(847)809-1102 Jesus

J & L BUILDERSHandyman ServiceBasement Finishing

Kitchen & Bath RemodelingYour Complete RemodelingService. Free Estimates

(630)334-1322J-LBUILDERS/facebook

Sleeping Room $90/weeklyClean/Quiet, Non-smoking

Refrigerator accessAurora 630-247-1031

Two Men and A TrailerSmall to Medium MovesTVs, Dressers, Beds, CouchesReasonable Rates - Elburn630-918-5554 Big Ken

MOVING

Wiltse’s Landscaping &Lawn Care

Lawns, cleanups & mulchingfertilizing & weed control,

pruning, plantingresidential & commercial

hardscapes - (815) 508-7502


Bill’s Custom ServicesInterior/Exterior

Painting & Drywall Etc.Wallpaper hanging/removalOver 20 Years ExperienceFree Estimates/Insured

Now Offering Carpet Cleaning(815)482-4155 TREE SERVICES &

BOOM TRUCK SERVICESANDEL SERVICES, INCTree Cutting, Trimming,Stump Grinding, Chipping,

Haul AwayCall the office

or text my cell for estimateSe Habla EspañolOffice: 630 566 0210Cell: 630 675 7102

PAINTING

LAWN CARE SPECIALAerate $35 (48”Gate)Fertilizer $59 (0-10,000)Overseed Free with A & FBeautiful Lawn & Tree Care

630-585-0221

LAWN CARE

ROOM FOR RENT

Next Issue Ad DeadlineMay 1 April 19

To appear in the next issue of the ORANGE PEEL GAZETTEcontact Michelle at (815)751-1286

Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable. Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous stories andjokes appearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only andare not meant to disrespect or harm any group or individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange Peel Gazette for products or services offered.


INVESTING

BORING LIFE???Do you want to make yourlife more interesting?Learn to invest in Real

Estate and have the freedomand time you Deserve!Text “interesting” to:

630-675-7102 along withyour name and e-mail.

Blown in Attic Insulationand removal + other servicesInsured; 25 years Exp.Floyd (224)218-1116(331)228-0191

INSULATION

Tree Pruning & RemovalCall ISA Certified ArboristJoe (224) 789 - 8773

Northern Kane & Dupage Cowww.ArborJoe.com

PAINTER

Lanza Masonry Inc.Brick, Stone, BlocksTuck Pointing847-833-3384

MASONRY TREE SERVICE

WELLNESSAroma Therapy,

Reflexology, Healing Touchfor People and AnimalsDenise (630)310-4504

Baker’s Window CleaningResidential/Commercial

(630)854-7716(630)273-2010

WINDOW CLEANING

REMODELING

Above & Beyond Paintingby Stuart; Interior - ExteriorPainting and Remodeling;Professional Insured Clean;Over 35 years experience;No job too big or small....Call today for free estimate;Mary 331-251-5766 or Brian 630-709-8470

Look for us on Facebook andtwitter @Above & Beyond

Painting by Stuart

Helping Hand A man writing at the post office desk was

approached by an older fellow with a post card in hishand. The old man said, "Sir, I'm sorry to bother youbut could you address this post card for me? My arthritis is acting up today and I can't even hold a pen." "Certainly sir,' said the younger man, "I'd be glad

to." He wrote out the address and also agreed to write a

short message and sign the card for the man. Finally,the younger man asked, "Now, is there anything else Ican do for you?" The old fellow thought about it for a moment and

said, "Yes, at the end could you just add, 'PS: Pleaseexcuse the sloppy hand-writing.'?"

LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE ON MAY 1, 2019


Dear Neighbor:I have great news for your wallet if your furnace is over 12years old. Allow me to explain...Every year, the months ofJanuary, February, & March can be slow for my business. Iemploy great people and want to keep them working duringthese long, slow months. That is why I’ve come up with aWin Win Situation for both of us.

Every year, the big manufacturers of furnaces & air conditioners guess how many to build to meet the demand.Of course, they’re never exactly right. So, they always havesome inventory that they must hold over until the next summer season. I went to one of these companies andcontracted for the purchase of twenty-two Deluxe furnacesand air conditioners in the four most popular sizes used inKane County. And, because of the quantity and time ofyear, I was able to buy them at drastically reduced prices.

They are brand-new Deluxe Models. They are NOT the seconds or “blems” or standard “builder” models. They arefactory-fresh furnaces and air conditioners and have a full10-year factory warranty.

How To Get A Furnace For PeanutsIf you are interested in a new heating/cooling system (butonly if one of the four sizes I have will fit your house, ofcourse), I am “giving” you the furnace and all I ask for is the $941 in labor & material costs for installation.

Perfect Fit For Your HomeI will come out and measure your home (and determinethe availability of the proper size). Don’t forget, I only have

663300--226622--88448844*With approved credit. Ask for Details. **With high efficiency upgrade.

Warmly,

22 matched Deluxe Systems in four sizes. When they aregone, this remarkable offer ends also. Just call 630-262-8484.

Absolutely No ObligationAfter I completely explain the installation, there is absolutelyno obligation. If you decide you don’t want to take advantage of the spectacular savings... That’s OK.

You Can Buy With NO Cash*You don’t even have to pay me right away. I have set up a terrific 0%* payment plan.

Fuel Efficiency Guarantee**I’m so confident that you will save at least 25% on your heating and cooling bills (I’m projecting more like 30%), that I will pay you the difference for a year if you don’t! I’llshow you exactly how this works. If these heating and air conditioning systems were not among the best on themarket, I couldn’t afford to make such a promise.

Why This Offer Can’t LastI only have a few of each of the four sizes. When all of the airconditioners are sold and all the furnaces are “given” away,that’s it. There are no more at this price. Call Bree now at(630)262-8484 to set up an appointment for your no-obligation survey.

Warmly,

ATTENTION: Kane County Homeowners, we are doing it again this year!Great opportunity with only 22 units available in 2019Quality, American Made HVAC Systems:SERVICE NOW HEATING Helping 22 Homeowners by “Giving Away”

Furnaces for $941.With Off-Season Air ConditioningIf you qualify, local utilities may offer up to $550 in rebates towards your new system.

7

7HURRY,ONLY 7 UNITSLEFT!

ANE & K ENDALL COUNTIES Amusing Stories • Jokes • Puzzles ... · 4/17/2019 · Amusing Stories...

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Transcript of ANE & K ENDALL COUNTIES Amusing Stories • Jokes • Puzzles ... · 4/17/2019 · Amusing Stories...