An Idiot's Guide to End-Of-The-Year Partnership Talks

7/29/2019 An Idiot's Guide to End-Of-The-Year Partnership Talks

1/5

An Idiot's Guide to End-of-the-Year Partnership TalksbyMichael F. Hwangon Saturday, April 23, 2011 at 1:57am

By: Michael Fitzgerald Hwang, CPhT

Acknowledgement to: Roberta, Eevee (and the 5 lovely ladies before her), Jalex, Larsha

Written (condescendingly) for rookies by someone who's been through it all...in hopes that all

the mistakes he's witnessed would not be repeated anew...

Chapter 1: Intro- Let's Sit Down and Talk!

H Rookies!

We live in a society with a pitiful divorce rate of 50%, and I can attribute most of that to a lack

of meaningful communication between the two partners. In the ballroom world, the divorce rate

is just as high. I'm not writing this to proclaim the sanctity of a partnership (though I've come to

learn to value and cherish each one as if they are sacred), nor am I writing this to help you end

your partnership. I'm writing this so I could get you and your partner to communicate effectly

and make the best decision possible for your partnership, whatever it may be.

First, put this off after any major competition/showcase/dancy stuff. You don't want any

distraction from the task at hand. If you're talking about this stuff before or during, YOU'RE AN

IDIOT! Please refrain from making partnership decisions or having serious discussions until

your last comp of the year. Unless you enjoy awkward practices and comps...

When all is said and done, schedule a time with your partner to talk. You can go classy with

coffee shop, or just a secluded hallway. Before the meeting though, you should know 3 big

things:

1) Are you continuing next year? If so, how much time/resource do you want to commit?

2) What are your ballroom goals? What do you want out of ballroom? From a scale of 1-10, with

10 being (OMFG I MUST DESTROY TOMKARI AND WINNNNNN!!!) and 1 being (I just

wanna dance for fun), where are you?

3) What do you like about the partnership? What do you hate about it?
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1052550095https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1052550095https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1052550095https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1052550095


2/5

Once you have these things down, just let your partner know. Be honest and practical about it. If

there are significant differences, either in priority and desires, maybe a change in partnership is

necessary. But if a compromise is possible, always go for that. Remember: A new partnership =

6 months setback in terms of dancing. A new partnership will always be at a disadvantage in a

competition against a seasoned partnership. Your dancing will not magically get better when you

switch partner, not for at least 6 months. If you are staying together, set goals for next year

ONLY and a plan on how to accomplish it. Ask me or any other advanced dancers for consult.

We'd love to advise you in a condescending way (Like I am now =P )

If you are indeed splitting, do try to part as mutual friends. Partnership termination does not need

to be a nasty bitter divorce. As long as both parties are honest with themselves and each other

(see below), the friendship will stay strong. For all of our sakes, please refrain from nasty

divorces. This ballroom team has enough goddamn drama as it is, and there isn't any roomforyourstupid bullshit.

Chapter 2: Idiotic Reasons to Break Up

Let me clarify Question #3 for y'all. If you do have legitimate complaints about the partnership

as is, do vent them out respectfully and professionally. But there is legitimate, and there's

downright stupid. Here's my top 3 Idiotic Reasons why people break up perfectly fine

partnerships...

1. My partner is dragging me down, I'm gonna dump her for a better one, then my comp

results will magically get better!

A: FALSE, dumbass. Ballroom potential should be judged from effort and desire, not the bronze

comp results. Natural talents may win out now, but by intermediate year, effort and desire will

eventually overtake. Also, a new partnership takes months to gel, so changing partnership is not

a quick magical fix. Also, maybe your comp results aren't good because you're not so hot

yourself? Just sayin'

2. OMFG my partner can't lead. I'm going to find a new one so we'd suck less.

A. FALSE, fool! Most ballroom guys take 2 years to develop before they become remotely

competent. Patience and encouragement is key. Remember, we have no idea what the fuck we're

doing, and we rely on followers to feedback. Constant criticism will only cripple his confidence


3/5

and kill your dancing. Besides, guys are rare commodities in the ballroom market, so idiotically

throw away your guy at your own risk.

3. That girl is so much hotter than my current partner. I'm gonna try to score a date out of

this partnership!

A: FALSE, horny bastard. Please don't let your penis make ballroom decisions for you. If beauty

and date-ability is your sole criteria in judging who to partner up next year, chances are you're

just gonna end up with a hot bitchy partner with whom you have nothing in common with.

In conclusion, sometimes, doing nothing is the best option. Nobody's perfect, and a partnership is

bound to be twice as flawed. But that's true no matter who you dance with. So please ask

yourself why you'd want to break up, and if it's for one of these 3 idiotic reasons, kindly

bitchslap yourself for me please.

Chapter 3: Idiotic Things to do at the Partnership talks

Well, I guess those 3 things applies to partnerships every day, not just partnership talks. But this

is my top 3 list for why partners turn on each other within a year (and how to avoid that pitfall):

1. Passive Aggressiveness

Trust me, being completely honest with another human being is hard. So we lie, we half-lie, we

bury unresolved issues, we avoid confrontation, whatever. And then it builds up, and you

eventually blow it out St. Helen style. Passive Aggressiveness not only kills partnerships, but it

also poisons the friendship after the catastrophic eruption. I've personally lost a good friend this

way, somewhere along the bitterness...

Maybe we all value honesty because it's so goddamn easy to just bury it and hopes it goes away...

But if won't. If you two don't have the courage to talk about the elephant in the room, then your

friendship is in jeopardy, and that's the worst thing that can happen to a partnership.

2. Take Things Personally

Crappy dancing doesn't mean crappy dancer. In fact, even good dancers have absolute shit days.

When your partner have constructive criticism for the partnership (or you), you have to take it as

a dancer aspiring to be even better. It is not an indictment on you as a person or as a dancer. So


4/5

take it in stride, and don't get so goddamn defensive! Being honest with each other works only if

you're able to handle the truth, and that starts with being able to separate you the dancer, and you

the person.

3. Play the Blame Game

Let's play a little Mad-Lib, shall we?

"I can't do ______ because you're not doing _______"

"Stop backleading! How else can I do _____?"

"See that couple over there? He's doing _____, why can't you do it too?"

"Your ______ is ball-suckingly bad. Fix it!"

The beauty of a partnership is that you have the potential to dance greater than the sum of two

partners. Once you take that frame, you are no longer Mike or Eevee, but MeeVee. You are no

longer components to a system, you ARE the system. That means if something isn't right, it's not

Mike's fault, or Eevee's fault, but MeeVee's fault.

Besides, placing blame squarely on your partner pisses him/her off and doesn't really help your

dancing. I understand that ballroom dancing egos are all large and fragile, and sometimes it's

easier to blame the partner instead of asking, "what's wrong with OUR dancing?", but how can

you get better if you don't try to figure your errors together?

How does that translate to partnership talks? Well, blame games take their toll on the partnership,

and eventually poisons partnership chemistry. Tragically, that's one of the most common way

partners turn on each other. To quote Camelot, "Ask not what your partner can do for you, ask

what you can do for the partnership."

Chapter 4: Conclusion

In case you're too goddamn lazy to read all of this, let me summarize everything in a single neat

biblical quotation (In honor of the all mighty Easter Bunny). "Be Subject to one another..."

(Ephesians, 5:21).

My ex-partner count would be so low if I just followed that rule. In this culture of instant

gratification, giant shameless egos, and blatant self-centeredness, maybe what we could all need


5/5

is a humble Subject, who patiently gives, but does not ask to receive; who forgives, but does not

blame; who apologizes, but does not demand apologies.

That's what being a good partner means to me. (Well, that and occasional free Jamba Juice plus

access to my car~) And I'm no saint myself. I have a ballroom ego the size of an emperor

penguin, and I'm just as prone to breaking those rules as you are. But as long as I remember to

think like a Subject, not like a King, I'll be fine.

And so will you

An Idiot's Guide to End-Of-The-Year Partnership Talks

Documents

Transcript of An Idiot's Guide to End-Of-The-Year Partnership Talks