You have two choices in

life: you can stay single

and be miserable,or get married and wish you

were dead

Getting married is very much like going

to a restaurant

with friends. You order what you want, then when

you see what the

other person has,

you wishyou had

ordered that

At the cocktail

party, one woman said to another,"Aren't you

wearing your

wedding ring on the

wrong finger?" The

other women

replied, "Yes I am, I

married the wrong man."

After a quarrel, a husband

said to his wife, "You

know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied,

"Yes dear, but I was in

love and didn't

notice."

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husbandwanted". Next day

she received a hundred letters. They all said the

samething: "You

can have mine."

The bride, upon

getting engaged,

went to her mother

and said, "I've found a man just

like father!"

Her mother replied, "So whatdo you

want from me,

sympathy?"

When a woman steals your

husband,

there is no

betterrevenge than to let her

keep him

Man is incomplete until he is married.

Then he isfinished.

A little boy asked his father,

"Daddy, how much

doesit cost to

get married?" And the father

replied, "I don't

know son,I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a

man doesn't

know his wife until

he marries her? Dad:

That happens in

every country,so

n.

Then there was a man

who said, "I never knew

whatreal

happiness was until got married; by then it was too late."

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my

husband a millionaire. "

"And what was he

before you married

him?" askedthe friend. The woman replied, "A

billionaire."

Marriage is the triumph

of imagination

overintelligence.

A Second Marriage

is the triumph of hope over

experience.

If you want your spouse

to listen and pay strict

attention to every word

you say, talk in your

sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for

marriage, men would

gothrough life

thinking they had no faults

at all.

You know the

honeymoon is pretty

much over when youstart to go out with

the boys on Wednesday nights, and

so does she.

According to test surveys,

when making love,

most married men

fantasise that their

wives aren't fantasising.

Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?

How do most men

define marriag

e? A very

expensive

way to get your laundry done for

free.

The most

effective way to

remember your wife's

birthday is to

forget it once.

First guy (proudly):

"My wife's an angel!" Second

guy:"You're lucky, mine's still alive."