Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By...

49

Transcript of Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By...

Page 1: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘
Page 2: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

3

Alone, But Not Lonely

7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts

By Michaela Chung

www.introvertspring.com

www.facebook.com/IntrovertSpring

twitter.com/MichaelaChung1

Copyright Michaela Chung © 2013-2015.

All Rights Reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in

any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,

recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without

written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief

quotations in a review.

Disclaimer

Although I have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book

was correct at press time, I do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability

to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or

omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident,

or any other cause.

Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy

of individuals.

Page 3: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

4

Please keep in mind that I am not a Doctor or other health professional so

please consult the appropriate professional before making any changes to

that will affect your health, or other applicable areas. You should always do

what is right for your own personal life.

Page 4: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

5

Table of Contents

Introduction: The Introvert‘s Predicament

Step 1: Learn To Embrace Your Introversion

Step 2: Enjoy Your Alone Time

Step 3: Find The Right People

Step 4: Energize Before You Socialize

Step 5: Get Out Of Your Head And Into The Now

Step 6: Turn Boring Small Talk Into Interesting Conversation

Step 7: Deepen Connections The Introverted Way

In Lieu Of A Conclusion

About Michaela

Page 5: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

6

―The highest form of love is to be

the protector of another person‘s solitude.‖

~Rainer Maria Rilke

Page 6: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

7

Introduction: The Introvert‘s Predicament

―There is a tremendous difference between alone and lonely. You could be

lonely in a group of people. I like being alone. I like eating by myself. I go

home at night and just watch a movie or hang out with my dog. I have to

exert myself and really say, oh God, I‘ve got to see my friends because I‘m too

content by myself.‖ ~ Drew Barrymore

As an introvert, you're not satisfied with superficial connections. Party chit

chat bores you and small talk is pretty much your kryptonite.

The truth is that you often feel more lonely in a crowded room than when

you're by yourself. What you really want is to have a meaningful

conversation with someone you truly connect with. Or better yet, you'd

relish the comfort of sitting with someone in silence - someone who you don't

need to explain yourself to because they just get you.

For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘ us is challenging.

Often, we feel misunderstood because of our introverted nature. Our need for

alone time is misinterpreted as depression. We are told that we are rude or

boring for not going out as much as our extroverted family and friends.

This has certainly been my experience. In the past, I felt deeply ashamed of

my introverted nature. Those around me constantly misinterpreted my quiet

daydreamy ways. Over the years, I was labeled as shy, snobby, aloof and even

depressed.

I thought that there must be something inherently wrong with me. After all,

Page 7: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

8

no one else seemed to get irritable and annoyed after a couple hours of

socializing. No one else had a habit of zoning out or wandering off by

themselves while the rest of the group happily played together like puppies. I

thought that I must be a horrible person.

I concluded that hiding my true nature was of the utmost importance. I

would learn to do as the extroverts do. Then, and only then, would I be

worthy of the love and acceptance I craved.

You see, early on I felt that society had rejected me because of my

introversion. I realized that my quiet, intensely creative, overly sensitive self

would not - could not - be accepted by the world.

Like many people, I don‘t handle rejection well. It gnaws away at me and fills

my mind with self-doubt. It drives me to tweak and twist myself into someone

who can‘t be denied (which is impossible, of course, but that doesn‘t stop me

from trying).

I sought to win back the world‘s affection by stomping down my introversion.

I replaced solitude with constant activity and my innate ability to focus with

a sort of forced ADD. I projected a more glittery, dazzling and extroverted

self-image (literally - I used to be a competitive latin dancer/performer).

I thought that the world would love me more as an extrovert. In some ways it

did. But mostly I felt like I was being repeatedly chewed up and spat out like

gum that loses its flavor too soon. I could only stay minty fresh so long before

I‘d start to feel overwhelmed and annoyed. Depleted.

What I thought was the magic ―cure‖ to my introversion (becoming an

extrovert) left me feeling more lost and alone than before. I had reduced

Page 8: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

9

myself to just another failed extrovert.

It wasn‘t until I finally understood what an introvert was that things became

more clear. My view of myself completely changed when I took a personal

psychology class in college. As part of the class, I took a personality quiz that

revealed that I am an introvert. I realized that all those little things that I

saw as deficiencies were actually traits that all introverts share. All of a

sudden, I wasn‘t a freak or a bad person. The missing piece of the puzzle had

been found. I was an introvert.

I can remember walking a little taller that day. I smiled at strangers, not

because I thought I should, but because I felt happy. Somehow, knowing I

was an introvert gave me a feeling of vindication. I realized that I was a good

person after all.

A new approach to life

Understanding my introversion has changed my approach to life and

relationships. I am now more aware of my strengths and limitations. I know

that I can‘t handle the same amount of social activity as an extrovert.

I also feel less guilt about staying in, being the quiet one and enjoying

different pastimes than my extroverted friends. I still feel inadequate

sometimes, but that is part of being human.

The way I connect with others has changed, too. Surprisingly, spending more

time alone has made it easier for me to connect with others. The friendships I

make now are more meaningful. Instead of merely tolerating my friends, I

enjoy their presence in my life. And vice versa.

Page 9: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

10

Embracing my introversion allowed me to cultivate more meaningful

relationships with the right people. I wrote this book to help you do the

same.

Page 10: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

11

Step 1: Learn To Embrace Your Introversion

―Our culture made a virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the

inner journey, the quest for a center. So we lost our center and have to find it

again.‖ ~Anais Nin

Did you know that introverts make up one third to one half of the world‘s

population? And yet, most introverts currently feel or have felt like there is

something wrong with them.

I know this because every week I get emails, Twitter messages, Facebook

comments and comments on my website from people who say things like:

―I have always felt that I was on the outside looking in, cursed to only observe

the world.‖

―I turn 49 this year and I‘ve been trying to ―fix‖ myself all of my life. This has

left me literally depressed since I was a teenager. When I faced the source of

my depression, I realized that thinking that my introversion was a problem

WAS the problem.‖

‖ I have to say I thought I was the only one who felt like this at times and as

you mention in other posts I have often had people outright tell me there is

something wrong with me.‖

―For the last 2 weeks I have been reading your postings. I am feeling very

proud and confident about myself. Before I thought I had some problems, but

now I know I am just an introvert and am OK. your blog helped me a lot to

Page 11: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

12

find myself.‖

The underlying message in all of these comments is, I thought there was

something wrong with me. This means that one third to one half of the entire

world‘s population has been made to feel defective, inferior, and

misunderstood.

This is a major reason why many introverts feel more alone when they are

with other people than when they are by themselves. How can

you authentically connect with others when you feel like the true you is a

liability? It‘s about as easy as scaling a glacier in flip-flops.

The first step to connecting with others is to reconnect with your authentic

introverted self. That means taking back your self-worth and wearing your

introversion proudly. When you do this, you will be amazed at how the

world - and the people around you - open to you.

One of the reasons that introverts fear our introversion is that we think

embracing our true nature will close doors. We believe that job opportunities

will pass us by. Potential friendships will be lost. Lovers will leave us. But

this is only true if we buy into the myth that introversion is a handicap. The

only doors that will close when we embrace our introversion are the ones that

would lead to self-imprisonment.

Maya Angelou once said: ―Love liberates. It doesn‘t hold. That‘s ego. Love

liberates.‖

Loving your introversion is one of the most liberating things you can do for

yourself. It liberates you to love, to friendship, to life.

Page 12: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

13

For most introverts, it took several years of conditioning to come to loath our

introversion. Learning to accept it won‘t happen overnight. It might even be

painful at first, like ripping off a grimy old Band-Aid that‘s been on for way

too long. But it‘s absolutely worth it.

Here is the most important thing I want you to know right now:

I want you to know that you are enough just as you are. You are worthy of

love, respect, joy and any other good thing you desire today. Not when you‘re

more charismatic. Not when you are further along in your career. Not when

you are more fit, or beautiful, or extroverted. Not when someone tells you

that you are. You are worthy just as you are in this moment. Today.

Page 13: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

14

Step 2: Enjoy Your Alone Time

―I have to be alone very often. I‘d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday

night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That‘s how I refuel.‖ ~

Audrey Hepburn

Often, introverts feel so guilty about needing time alone that we don‘t even

enjoy our solitude. We worry about all the things we should be doing instead.

This is a shame because alone time well spent lays the foundation for

meaningful connections.

It is only when we are alone that we can fully process our thoughts and

emotions. Our solitude serves as a time to reflect on our experiences. We

emerge from our self-imposed exile sharper and more awake. Not only that.

The hollowness that we felt after too much time in crowded places is filled by

the familiar sound of our own thoughts. We are reunited with our ideas, our

dreams, our fantasies. This is a great relief after being stretched and pulled

in too many directions all day.

When we are alone we are our most authentic selves. With no one around to

impose their beliefs on us, we can connect with deeper, universal truths. We

can discern our thoughts and feelings from those of another person, or society

as a whole. Being intimately aware of who we are and what we believe

prepares us for intimacy with others.

The tricky part for introverts is giving up a portion of our blissful solitude in

order to be intimate with another. Firstly, we must decide who is worthy to

Page 14: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

15

know our truth.

Who can bear the weight of our thoughts, ideas and dreams? Who will honor

the privilege of being accepted into our inner world? And how much small

talk must we endure to find them?

Marilyn Monroe (who was probably an introvert, by the way) was known for

being an easy breezy, bubbly blond. But in reality, she was an intensely

introspective woman who loved great literature and wrote poetry.

One of Monroe‘s unpublished poems talks about how our inherent aloneness

both separates and intertwines us in a powerful way:

Only parts of us will ever

touch parts of others –

one‘s own truth is just that really — one‘s own truth.

We can only share the part that is within another‘s knowing acceptable so

one

is for most part alone.

As it is meant to be in

evidently in nature — at best perhaps it could make

our understanding seek

another‘s loneliness out.

Our aloneness mirrors the separation we see in nature. It creates a barrier

between us and ‗them‘. Or so it seems. In reality, the understanding that we

reach in solitude helps us to connect with others who share our perspective.

Even if that perspective was reached in a solitary state – especially if it was.

Another reason introverts don‘t always enjoy our alone time is because

Page 15: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

16

society tells us that certain activities we want to do are only meant for

couples or groups. I know I certainly felt this way a lot throughout my teens

and early 20s. Over the years, I‘ve come to realize that many activities that I

thought I needed a companion for are actually better done solo.

Here is my list of the top 5 activities that are better done alone:

Shopping

I‘m so glad my adolescent years of shopping in groups with other girls are far

behind me. It can be incredibly distracting and cumbersome to shop with

other people.

First of all, you have those awkward moments when you really want to go in

a store but you worry the other person doesn‘t. On top of that you have to

worry about pacing.

If you are a slow shopper, you end up feeling guilty if the other person wants

to move more quickly. Conversely, if you are the swift shopper, boredom

creeps in quite fast.

Time in nature

This is one that I‘ve been embracing more and more as I get older (I‘m 30, in

case you were wondering). There are many people who would never even

consider going for a solo hike or trip to the lake. They prefer to get big groups

together, or at the very least, invite one other friend.

This is unfortunate because being alone in nature is the sweetest form of

solitude. It is incredibly rejuvenating. In the summer, I hop on my bike and

Page 16: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

17

go to the lake by myself several times a week. During times when I‘ve lived

near hiking trails, I‘ve relished morning solo hikes, where I can be completely

alone with my own thoughts.

Movie night

Quite frankly, I have no idea why going to the movies is categorized as a

group activity. You don‘t talk to each other during the movie – and if you do,

well that‘s just really freaking annoying – so why bother?

I absolutely LOVE going to the movies by myself, especially if it is a more

thought-provoking flick. This allows me to reflect on the movie for a while

before reentering the ‗real world‘.

Travel

Travelling alone can be infinitely more enjoyable than travelling in pairs or

groups. This is because you don‘t have to worry about constantly coordinating

with other people or planning activities that everyone will like.

If you've been following my blog for a while, you already know that I have

travelled extensively over the past few years and I have done it mostly solo.

That doesn‘t mean I was alone the whole time. I frequently met up with

friends and other travelers, but I rarely actually traveled with them. This

gave me the freedom to make my own itinerary and follow my bliss.

Romance

You might be scratching your head over this one, but hear me out. Many

introverts love to daydream and fantasize. Those of us who are romantics

Page 17: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

18

might spend a lot of time fantasizing about our perfect lover and all the

things we‘ll do together.

But did you know that you can have romantic moments all by yourself? You

can go for nighttime strolls, and let the starry sky kiss you, the warm breeze

caress you. You can meander through the Sunday market and relish the time

to daydream and move at your own pace. You can take yourself to dinner and

have a much better time alone than if you were with a partner.

You can do pretty much anything all by your lonesome, and have a heart

brimming with love and gratitude.

But how much alone time is too much?

Introverts are not immune to the torment of loneliness. Too little social

interaction and we risk crossing over into the darker realms of depression

and hermitdom (not a real word, but you get the idea).

Perhaps you can spend five days in blissful isolation without feeling sad or

lonely. Or maybe you can only handle one day of seclusion before you start

itching for social interaction. The important thing is to know when it is time

to reach out to those you care about and welcome them back into your world.

Page 18: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

19

Step 3: Find The Right People

―I want to be with those who know secret things. Or else, alone." ~Rainer

Maria Rilke

Introverts take a quality over quantity approach to relationships. This

means that we tend to have fewer friends, and fewer lovers over a

lifetime. Besides those nerve-racking adolescent years when being popular is

the only thing that matters, we generally aren‘t too concerned with having a

ton of friends.

On the contrary. Managing too many friendships can be stressful, and

overwhelming to introverts. We might also feel put off by the mere prospect

of cultivating too many friendships. You would think it would be easy to

find a couple of suitable chums to let into our inner circle. But introverts face

unique challenges when it comes to finding the right people to befriend.

For example, many of us are horrified by the prospect of enduring all thesmall

talk that comes with meeting new people (more on this later). We wish we

could skip over the preamble and get to the part where we share our deepest

passions and emotions, and then linger in comfortable silences for as long as

we want. Conversations with acquaintances can be more painful than

constructive.

Another reason introverts struggle to find suitable friends is that we tend to

find it difficult to mix business and socializing, or school and socializing, or

pretty much anything that isn‘t socializing with socializing. Work is for work

and school is for learning. I have to say that this was often a source of shame

Page 19: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

20

for me. I used to feel bad that I couldn‘t master the art of making friends in

the lunchroom. It always seemed like an unnatural setting to cultivate

meaningful relationships. On top of that, I was often so drained by the time

lunch hour hit that I didn‘t have the energy to talk to anyone.

The interesting thing is that none of the above matters when you learn the

secret to finding compatible friends as an introvert. The first and most

effective step for friend finding is very straightforward. It all begins with one

simple question:

What do you actually want to find?

A while ago I did a Breakthrough Sessionwith a young woman named Keaira

who wanted to make more meaningful friendships. Like most of the

introverts I talk to, she wasn‘t satisfied with superficial relationships.

She wanted one or two friends she could connect with deeply. She had a lot

of acquaintances that she hung out with on weekends. But she didn‘t enjoy

the types of things they did together. They were always going to parties and

bars. She admitted that their conversations were about as deep as a kiddy

pool.

When I asked her what kind of activities she would prefer to do with her

ideal friend, she talked about long scenic drives while listening to music, and

playing video games together. No parties. No boring chit chat.

Then I asked her if she could imagine any of her current acquaintances doing

those things with her. Without hesitation she replied, ―no‖. Up until that

point, Keaira had assumed that she needed to try harder to deepen her

relationships with the partygoers she hung out with on weekends.

Page 20: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

21

She was trying to adjust herself to them and their extroverted environment.

Instead, she should have been reshaping her world to fit her needs and

desires. To do this, she had to first get crystal clear on what she wanted and

why.

Now that she knew what kind of activities she wanted to do with her ideal

friend, she could dive deeper into the ‗why' and ‗how'.

Why did she want a friend to go for drives and play video games with?

How could she meet people who would enjoy the above activities?

How did she want to feel with her ideal friend?

Once you get clear on what you want from a relationship and why, you

become like a lighthouse to all the friend gems that would have otherwise

passed you by. More importantly, you begin to notice the right people, and

welcome them into your world. The same principle applies to anything you

want in life.

My client, Kecke from Sweden, is a perfect example of this. I recently

received the below ecstatic message from Kecke:

"I just want to tell you that I‘m in such a great state of mind right now. I got

myself a new job as the head manager for a foundation in exactly the area I‘d

hoped for. There are 20 staff and 50 clients in 3 different departments in

beautiful surroundings. I‘m so happy for this dream work. I want to thank

you once again, because I wouldn‘t have been able to take the step without

your coaching. You helped me open my eyes. I think You are a fantastic

Page 21: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

22

person, and I will never forget what you have done for me."

Kecke had been frustrated with his job. Though he made a great income, and

was in a high level position, he was dissatisfied with many aspects of his

work. Do you know what the first thing I got him to do was?

I had him get clear on exactly what he wanted in his ideal workplace and

position. I helped him to create a vision for his dream job that felt so tangible

he could almost reach out and grab it. And within a few months, that‘s

exactly what he did.

Be the right person

To find the right people you have to be the right person. Because who you are

being every moment of everyday will determine your ability to make

meaningful connections.

This is something I learned from my award winning coach, Elizabeth Purvis.

She said in order to up level your career and your life, you have to be the kind

of person who is successful. Right now.

Many of us believe that when the right person comes along, we will magically

be transformed into the perfect friend. We will be thoughtful, patient, and

kind. We‘ll remember birthdays and other important days (never mind that

we barely remember to celebrate our own birthday). We‘ll buy them little

gifts just because and expect nothing in return. We‘ll never feel cranky and

drained around them, so we won‘t have to worry about explaining our need

for alone time.

For some of us, this may be true. Introverts are known for being fiercely loyal

Page 22: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

23

and loving around those we love. The problem is that it‘s hard to attract the

right unique snowflake friends into our lives when we are not being a unique

snowflake friend already. Make sense?

If you want to have a friend who is thoughtful, consistent and accepting, you

have to be that friend first. You might be thinking, ―how can I be a great

friend when I don‘t have any real friends?‖

Maybe you‘re in a time of transition. You‘ve outgrown past relationships, and

now you find yourself in a friendless purgatory. Or perhaps, you‘ve just gone

through a breakup and your ex got the friends in the split.

It doesn‘t matter where you are today with your relationships. Work with

what you have right now. Start with family members, or friends who are far

away but not forgotten. Start with a card, or a phone call, or a thoughtful

Facebook message punctuated with all the right emoticons. More

importantly, start with you.

Be a cliché and love yourself first

The greatest love story you will ever embark on is with yourself.

I know, so cliche. But true.

For introverts, learning to love ourselves can be tough. We grow up hearing

that we need to change in order to be worthy of love. As if we have to earn

love, even from ourselves.

What if being loved and loveable had nothing to do with how charming or

witty you are? Or how many friends you have. Or how packed your social

Page 23: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

24

calendar is? What if you are worthy just as you are? Today.

For many introverts, the idea that love is not earned is a radical concept. All

along, we thought that if we could master the whole ‗act like an extrovert‘

game, we‘d be loveable. In reality, the first step to being loveable is simply

to accept yourself - warts and all. This means being kind to yourself, even

when you‘ve messed up.

You see, people who love themselves are compassionate and gentle in their

self-talk. They are always the good cop. They also have healthy ways of

coping with stress and uncomfortable feelings that don‘t involve self-

flagellation. Which brings me to my next point.

Make sacred self-care a priority. You know that saying, ―actions speak

louder than words.‖ This is particularly true when it comes to loving

yourself. When you do kind things for yourself, you feel important and

loved. You become the VIP of your own life, which is the way it was always

meant to be.

Just like in a relationship with a partner, your love affair with you doesn‘t

need to be grandiose. It‘s the small, consistent gestures that have the biggest

impact over time. Here are some ideas:

Buy a little treat that you normally wouldn‘t splurge on. It doesn‘t

have to be expensive: a scented candle, some specialty coffee, a pretty

new nail polish.

Light some candles and take a luxurious bubble bath.

Take a break. And breathe.

Surprise your future self by hiding $5 bills in coat sleeves and party

purses.

Page 24: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

25

Let them see the real you

You are at your most loveable when you are staying true to your authentic

introverted self. Of course, this is just another way of saying ―be yourself‖.

I know what you‘re thinking. The phrase ―be yourself‖ is the hallmark of

vague and unsolicited relationship advice. It is that annoying saying that

people drudge up in nearly every conversation about making friends. But

being yourself is more difficult than it sounds.

As introverts, we receive a lot of negative feedback for simply being

ourselves. We are perceived as strange because we are quiet. We are

chastised for not being extroverted enough. In short, we are made to feel that

our true self is not acceptable.

So, we fabricate a different self that will fit in better in society. It becomes

very hard to separate who we are from who we think we should be.

In order to unearth your true self, ask yourself if your behavior reflects your

own beliefs and desires or someone else‘s. Remember, a more authentic

self attracts more authentic relationships.

Page 25: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

26

Step 4: Energize Before You Socialize

―I‘m very picky with whom I give my energy to. I prefer to reserve my time,

intensity and spirit exclusively to those who reflect sincerity.‖ ~ DauVoire

For introverts, the saying ‗too much of a good thing‘ is particularly relevant.

Many things that we enjoy are only enjoyable in small doses. Crowds, parties,

loud music and loud people might be entertaining for a little while, but they

quickly deplete our introvert energy.

In order to replenish our energy reserves, we seek out the quiet and familiar.

We enter into a sort of activity/recovery cycle. One big party could

incapacitate us for the rest of the weekend. The non-stop celebrations that

accompany the holidays often require weeks of recovery.

It‘s easy to forget that everyone has different thresholds for novelty and

excitement. For some people, partying all weekend is a way of life. For others,

it would be no way of living at all. As introverts, the important thing to

remember is that energy is not a limitless resource. Every portion that we

spend in one area of our life leaves less for other areas.

Because extroverts gain energy from things that drain us, they have difficulty

understanding our needs. They look at us with crinkled brows when we

choose to stay home on a Saturday night. They find it strange that we don‘t

go out as much as they do. They encourage us to ―seize the day‖ and ―come

out of our shells‖.

What they don‘t realize is that we have different ideas of what it means to

Page 26: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

27

―seize the day‖. What gives them a buzz gives us a headache. What makes

them leap for joy makes us run for cover. What energizes them drains us.

This doesn‘t mean that we can‘t enjoy the same activities that extroverts do.

But we will likely do so with our shells and excuses to leave early in tow. And

we reserve the right to stay home in our pajamas the next day (or three).

This leaves introverts with quite the dilemma. How can you meet the right

people when socializing is so draining?

The key is to understand your energy needs and learn how to honor them

without guilt. Sometimes this means saying ‗no‘ to certain social activities, so

that you can say ‗yes‘ to sacred self-care.

Meeting new people is best done on a full energy tank. True connection is

difficult to cultivate when you feel like you‘re about to self-destruct. Know

your limits. For some introverts, thirty minutes of meet and greet is a cinch.

For others, ten minutes is too much.

The important thing is that you be honest with yourself about what works for

you. Next, set boundaries to preserve your precious energy (and sanity).

How to set healthy boundaries

People often equate boundaries with barriers, but they are not the same

thing. Barriers create separation. Boundaries, when used correctly, facilitate

healthy relationships where both people feel safe.

Here are three essential tips for setting healthy boundaries in relationships:

Page 27: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

28

1. Do it early

The big mistake most introverts make is waiting too long to talk about

boundaries. This usually has to do with shame. You feel guilty about asking

for what you want, so you put it off.

Then, when you do express your needs, the other person feels confused and

hurt. They don‘t understand why it was okay for them to call you out of the

blue three times a day before, but now it drives you nuts. They can‘t figure

out why you all of a sudden need space, when a couple of weeks ago you spent

every waking moment together.

The moral of the story: prevent future confusion by setting boundaries early

on in the relationship.

2. Give yourself permission

Some of us are still stuck in our childhood mindset of constantly needing

permission. We expect others to tell us what is acceptable behavior. But part

of being an adult is learning how to give ourselves permission. Here are some

examples of permission statements:

I give myself permission to …

Spend one day of the weekend completely by myself without feeling

guilty

Say ‗no‘ to couples and group activities that I don‘t enjoy, provided that

I do so in a polite and considerate way

Go on one trip a year without my partner

Page 28: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

29

3. Spread the love

For introverts, meeting someone we truly connect with can be a rare

occurrence. When it happens, our loyal and exclusive nature is likely to kick

into high gear. After all, we‘re not really known for multitasking, but we‘re

great at focusing intensely on our passions. If our passion takes the form of

another human being, well, we might be tempted to swallow him or her

whole.

In Elizabeth Gilbert‘s absurdly popular memoir Eat Pray Love, she talks

about her tumultuous relationship with a young actor. She equates her all-

encompassing desire to be deeply intimate with him to wanting to ―eat his

soul‖. I love this metaphor because it humorously and perfectly explains our

innate urge to be one with the person we love.

This isn‘t necessarily a bad thing. Our attention is a valuable currency. I‘d

rather give a few people my full and undivided attention than dilute it

amongst countless acquaintances. But I also don‘t want to put all of my eggs

in one basket … and then swallow said basket whole.

Inviting intimacy into our lives often begins with adding a few more eggs to

new baskets. Meeting more people and staying open to new connections helps

take the pressure off our current relationships. We also might discover that

the person we‘re with doesn‘t deserve our full attention anymore.

Above all, remember that your energy is a precious resource. When you

make replenishing your energy levels a priority, you are more refreshed and

alert when you do socialize.

Page 29: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

30

Step 5: Get Out Of Your Head And Into The Now

―You may think I‘m small, but I have a universe inside my mind.‖ ~Yoko Ono

Introverts love introspection and reflection. We are thinkers. Deep thinkers.

This is one of the greatest advantages of being an introvert. It helps us to

excel in careers that require concentration, while also facilitating growth and

wisdom. It does, however, have one undesirable side effect: overthinking.

It is all too easy for negative thoughts and concerns to flood an introvert‘s

ever-buzzing brain. We begin to overthink, analyze and even obsess. Before

we know it, our mind becomes a typhoon of swirling thoughts that threaten to

flatten us into the ground.

Sometimes I catch myself having entire conversations in my head with people

I‘ve barely said two words to in real life. This can be fun if the conversation is

pleasant. But often, it is simply my brain‘s way of playing out possible

negative outcomes.

All this overthinking puts an invisible barrier between you and the person in

front of you (or the person you wish was in front of you). It‘s difficult to be

engaging when you can barely see through the fog of your own thoughts.

That‘s why it‘s so important to learn how to get out of your head and into the

present moment.

A lot of people assume that in order to be engaging in conversation, you have

to be outgoing, charismatic, and a natural storyteller. It‘s true that those

things can help. But being awake to the now is much more important than

any of the above. You might be wondering how you can switch off the shouty

Page 30: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

31

voices in your head and be fully present and engaged.

Well, it might help to think of a time when you were scared shitless.

Confused? Allow me to explain with a quick story.

When I was a professional salsa dancer, I used to perform and compete in

front of hundreds of people. Right before getting on stage I would always feel

a little nervous. Okay, that‘s a serious understatement - a lot of the time I

would feel scared shitless.

Picture me backstage at the world‘s oldest and most prestigious annual salsa

event, The New York Salsa Congress, waiting to go up on stage in front of

hundreds of people naked.

Wait, no, I wasn‘t naked. Don‘t picture that. But I felt nearly naked in my

skimpy shimmery outfit and glittery high-heeled shoes. The stage has a way

of making you feel acutely aware of your own body. Your movements.Your

environment.Your breath.

Another way of putting it is that the stage, and the naked-scared-shitless

feeling it gives you, has a way of making you feel present. This is the key to

being irresistibly engaging. Presence. To be present is to have your body and

mind firmly grounded in the Now.

As an introvert, you have an advantage when it comes to being present. You

take a slower, more in depth approach to conversations. This leaves more

room for anchoring moments than discussions that flit quickly from one fluffy

topic to the next.

Page 31: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

32

What do I mean by ―anchoring moments‖?

I‘m talking about those few seconds when you feel a spark of understanding.

You feel excited about what the other person is saying, and vice versa.

Or you have one of those quietly exhilarating moments where you stare into

the other person‘s eyeballs and feel like you can see their soul.

Or you realize where you are and you suddenly feel a sense of wonder. Maybe

you look up at the sky and think, OMG, I‘m such a small part of a vast

infinite universe!

Or you feel the wind against your bare skin and realize I‘M ALIVE!

When you are fully present in each moment, other people sense it right away.

They see it in your eyes, your body language, your actions. And they like it. It

makes them feel more present and alive, too.

When people feel good around you, they open up to you. They lean in, listen

more closely, and want to be around you more often. In other words, they

want to connect with you.

Page 32: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

33

Step 6: Turn Boring Small Talk Into Interesting

Conversation

―I talked to a calzone for fifteen minutes last night before I realized it was

just an introverted pizza. I wish all my acquaintances were so tasty. ‖ ~

Jarod Kintz

Whether you call it chit-chat, banter or chatter, small talk has the same

troubling affect on introverts. It pushes us to the edges of a room. It is the

reason we are reluctant to meet new people. It is one of those social

pleasantries that is inherently unpleasant.

Small talk, you see, is an introvert‘s kryptonite.

Our distaste for small talk might cause some people to think we are socially

inept or snobby. They imagine us turning our noses up at something that

goes to the core of our culture. They assume that we don‘t like chit-chat

because we don‘t like people. In reality, the opposite is true.

Introverts recognize that small talk creates boundaries between people.

Laurie Helgoe, author of Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your

Hidden Strength, explains our sentiments well:

―Let‘s clear one thing up: Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike

people. We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between

people.‖

But small talk doesn‘t have to be so painful. With the right tools, you can use

Page 33: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

34

small talk to smoothly transition into more interesting and in-depth topics.

One of the most important aspects of interesting conversation begins before

you even open your mouth.

My favorite movie as a child was Disney‘s The Little Mermaid. In the movie,

Ursula the evil octopus witch reminds Ariel of the importance of body

language.

―And don't underestimate the importance of BODY LANGUAGE. HA!"

admonishes Ursula as she swings her bountiful bottom back and forth to the

rhythm of the music.

That Ursula - so evil, yet, so wise.

Body language truly is a powerful communication tool. For introverts who

don‘t say much, body language can be especially useful. It conveys a strong

message about our values, our confidence level, our emotions and even our

beliefs – all without saying a word.

But sometimes our body language lies. It tells others that we are small and

insignificant when we are actually powerful beyond measure. It says that

we‘re happy to play it small when we were made for the big leagues.

If our body language has the power to send such strong messages about who

we are and what our value is in society – it‘s best to make sure it‘s telling the

truth.

Read on for some simple tweaks you can make that will instantly improve

your body language, and send a better message about who you are.

Page 34: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

35

You can tell a winner by the look in their eyes

Shifty eyes make others feel like you are dishonest or disinterested. To gain

trust and establish an instant connection, maintain eye contact during

conversations. Sounds easy enough, right?

Many introverts have no problem looking people in the eye while they are

listening. However, we often have trouble keeping eye contact when we are

talking. The reason is that introverts are NOT verbal processors. We need to

think before we speak.

What do most people do when they‘re thinking? They break eye contact and

look up or off into the distance. This is natural. But it does make it harder for

people to connect with what you‘re saying.

Make a conscious effort to make eye contact every few seconds as you‘re

talking. Also, keep in mind that there is such a thing as too much eye contact.

You want to come off as curious and engaged, not creepy and intense.

Posture pointers

We convey entire chapters of our life story with the curve of our back. When

it comes to making an impression on others, our posture matters. Period.

Don't worry, I‘m going to lecture you about having a super straight back. You

don‘t need perfect posture to communicate confidence. In fact, having an

overly upright and rigid spine can convey the wrong message. Often, it makes

you seem uptight or uncomfortable. Not to mention unapproachable.

Page 35: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

36

Of course, being a hunchback isn‘t so appealing either. Instead, make an

effort to sit up and stand straight while keeping your shoulders and stomach

relaxed. This way, you‘ll look confident, but relaxed.

What to do with awkward arms and hands

Have you ever been talking to someone and had no freaking clue what to do

with your arms? You think about crossing them, but then you remember

hearing that that puts people off. Then you try to casually put your hands in

your pockets, but – oops! – your outfit doesn‘t have pockets. Putting your

hands on your hips seems too school teacher-like. Placing them behind your

back might give the impression that you have something to hide.

What to do, what to do?

Did you consider just letting your arms dangle beside you? Seriously, just let

them hang there. Once again, this shows that you are self-assured, but

relaxed. If you‘re sitting, resting one elbow on the back of your chair conveys

casual confidence.

Now that you‘ve established open and confident body language, there is one

more important step before you‘re ready to engage in conversation. Make

sure your mindset is in giving rather than taking mode. Allow me to explain.

The ideal mindset for connection

People who aren‘t socially confident go into conversations thinking that they

are taking something away from the other person. ―They don‘t really want to

talk to me,‖ they tell themselves. ―They‘d probably rather be talking to

someone else.‖

Page 36: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

37

Even for confident introverts, the 'taking mindset‘ can creep in. They believe

they are taking a person‘s time, and attention by interacting with them. As if

friendship were something they had to reach for. This is a beggar‘s mindset.

Did you ever stop to consider that when you talk to someone - no matter how

important, or attractive they are - you are giving him your time, and

attention. Not only that,you are offering them an incredibly valuable gift in

your friendship.

So, go in with the mindset that you have something of value to give to the

person in front of you. You are not the beggar reaching up with grubby

hands, looking for charity friendships. You are a rich giver with a wealth of

great qualities to bring to the interaction.

Once you let go of the beggar‘s mindset, you can set your insecurities aside,

and focus on engagement.

The secret to engaging conversation

I belong to an exclusive mastermind of digital nomads (entrepreneurs who

are location independent). About 90% of the members of the mastermind are

men. Many of them are also very successful, confident, ambitious, and

attractive.

A few months ago, I had the opportunity to meet several members at a

conference in Bangkok. It was at this time that I noticed that these men were

also highly engaging in conversation.

They were the type of guys that read self-development books for fun and

Page 37: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

38

actually do the recommended exercises. As I talked with them, I was taken

aback by how interesting and interested they were.

What set these men apart was their genuine curiosity about all sorts of

things - life hacks, business, travel, other humans.

As an introvert, you‘re probably already curious by nature. Curiosity is

actually a highly attractive quality that creates interest and intimacy. When

you are authentically curious about a person, you listen more intently. Your

body language shows that you are engaged. And you naturally come up with

questions to propel the conversation forward.

Interest vs. Interrogation

A few years ago, I dated a man that I met through salsa dancing. One night,

while out dancing, I noticed that he was chatting and dancing a lot with a

pretty girl I didn‘t recognize.

The green-eyed monster took hold of me. I wanted to know who this woman

was. I wanted to know if she was as pretty up close as she was far away; if

she was smart or shallow; if she was moving in on my territory or just an old

friend being friendly.

You could say that I got really freaking curious about this woman. I bumped

into her in the ladies‘ room and introduced myself. I then casually peppered

her with questions. Or at least I thought I was being casual. Later, a friend

who had overheard the conversation asked me why I had ―interrogated‖ the

new girl.

While you don‘t want to go as far as I did with a full blown interrogation, you

Page 38: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

39

do want to do a little digging to find out what is interesting about the person

you‘re talking to.

Once you‘ve established mutual interest, it will be easier to come up with

open-ended questions and affirming statements to spark interesting

conversation. Just be careful not to go overboard with the questions.

Many people make the mistake of asking too many questions. The best

conversations emerge from a mixture of thoughtful questions and statements.

For example, you might ask, "how do you find traveling alone in Latin

America?"

After the person responds, offer a statements, such as, "I can see why you

would enjoy something like that. It must be nice to not have to consult with

others all the time about where to go and what to do next."

In myFulfilling Connections Course For Introverts, I devote an entire lesson

and webinar to conversation ignitors for quiet types. This is the lesson that

students most look forward to. Naturally, people are excited to learn

the done-for-you phrases and questions that instantly bring conversations to

a deeper level. And, don‘t get me wrong, knowing what to say and when is an

important aspect of building rapport.

But there is something even more important that is often overlooked. It is a

communication tool that doesn‘t require any memorization or thinking. In

fact, the less thinking you do, the better this tool works. Are you ready to

find out what it is? Turn the page to discover the most valuable ninja skill for

deepening connections.

Page 39: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

40

Step 7: Deepen Connections The Introverted Way

―I don‘t have time for superficial friends, I suppose if you‘re really lonely you

can call a superficial friend, but otherwise, what‘s the point? ~ Courtney Cox

Have you ever considered how intimate the exchange between writer and

reader? It is the only space where you can discover the secret parts of another

person‘s heart and mind without ever seeing their face. Or hearing their

voice. They are animated only by words and imagination. For introverts, this

is an ideal scenario.

You see, introverts like to start with the deepest connection points and work

our way out. We want to know who a person really is. What they want from

us. And the precise coordinates where our ideas, dreams and passions

intersect. Once we‘ve figured that out we start to get curious about the

periphery of their personality: their pet peeves, their likes and dislikes, what

they ate for lunch that day.

In other words, Introverts want to skip the pleasantries and dive right into

meaningful conversations and relationships.

And therein lies the reason for our pain.

The instant intimacy between writer and reader (that‘s you and me, darling)

is a rare occurrence in our culture. Few relationships go from handshake to

heart-to-heart in the space of one conversation. It is expected that one must

spend some time indulging in pleasantries.

Page 40: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

41

Fortunately, there is a way to cut through the superficial niceties and get to

the good stuff fast.

I‘m going to share an incredibly powerful tip for doing this here. It might

seem a little radical and scary initially. When I first tried using this master

connection technique, I felt like I was about to go on stage in front of a

hundred people. Naked.

I hesitated. I worried what the other person would think. It didn't come as

naturally as I thought it would. But I did it anyway. And I was pleased to

discover that it quickly took conversations to a deeper level.

I started saying things like:

―I don‘t like camping. Like, at all."

―This feels awkward."

―That hurt my feelings."

―No.‖

―I feel overwhelmed."

―I‘m really proud of that."

In other words, I started being honest.

I know, sounds so simple, right? And yet, in the moment, saying what you

really think or feel can be frightening. Your ego self will tell you anything to

Page 41: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

42

keep you from being honest. It tells you that people won‘t like you if you say

how you really feel. It says you‘ll come off as weak if you're vulnerable. And

you‘ll sound arrogant if you show pride in who you are and what you‘ve

achieved.

But, here's the thing. THE TRUTH IS SEXY.

It draws people in and makes them instantly let their guard down. One

honest admonition can nip small talk in the bud. Something like ...

―To be honest, I don‘t go to parties very much. I feel pretty overwhelmed

being here."

―I‘m not a big talker, but I like listening."

―No. I don‘t want to go. I‘d rather stay home and have some me time."

Brad Blanton, author of the bestselling book, Radical Honesty: How To

Transform Your Life By Telling The Truth explains this concept well in his

book. Brad and I discuss how introverts can use radical honesty to create

intimacy in their relationships in this video interview.

Sungjoon, one of my Fulfilling Connections For Introverts students from

Japan, recently shared with me his experience with being more honest in his

interactions:

"These are things that I hadn't considered doing until now. Thanks to you

and the Fulfilling Connections Course, I now have the tools to get out of my

usual cycles and build better relationships ...The biggest thing I gained was

learning how to express my true feelings. I'm already seeing people open up

Page 42: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

43

to me more as I feel more comfortable being vulnerable with them."

Try it out for yourself. You can start by practicing with someone you are

already comfortable with and see how it feels. You‘ll be surprised at how

quickly it deepens your relationships.

Page 43: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

44

In Lieu Of A Conclusion

This is the part of the book where I‘m supposed to summarize everything into

a neat and tidy little conclusion - preferably one that is heartfelt and

clever. I don‘t like writing conclusions, so instead I‘ll leave you with a poem I

wrote a while back.

What It‘s Like To Love An Introvert

You are a heady cocktail of contradictions

an anomaly

a dark horse treading softly

though it has the legs to run

Your intensity disarms me

Those eyes

gentle

kind

sad

arrogant

Look my way

and I exist

Look my way

won‘t you?

Some days you are distant

Page 44: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

45

Even as we lie together

your thoughts are chariot clouds

carrying you away

There is a part of you always out of reach

a glowing treasure buried

deep beneath skin and blood and scull

If I split your head open

how many diamonds would spill out?

You want space

I want to devour you whole

I wish you could belong to me

instead of solely to yourself

Your calmness is unbearable

I want to shake you

We are on a sailboat with no wind

How much effort would it take

to open your mouth

blow some air out

breathe us back to life

But there are days

when you do open your mouth

and the stars pour out

Then we lie on our backs

Page 45: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

46

and press our cheeks against the moon

as I try to map the secrets

in your mind

-Michaela Chung-

More Free Resources For You!

Over the past couple of years, I‘ve produced a massive amount of free

resources for introverts, including videos, audios, infographics and blog

posts.

Here are a few free resourcesI know you‘ll enjoy:

[Video] Small Talk Hacks For Introverts

[Video] Irresistible Introvert: How To Be Quietly Magnetic In Life & Love

Introvert Infographics

Top 100 Introvert Quotes

If you enjoyed this book and my other resources, I know you‘ll love working

with me on a more personal level. I‘ve created theFulfilling Connections

Course For Introverts so that introverts can learn how to create meaningful

connections with the right people.

Page 46: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

47

Why I created Fulfilling Connections For Introverts

I created the 6-week online course to solve two major introvert problems:

1) The feeling of loneliness that often comes with being an introvert in an

extrovert-centric world.

2) The lack of introvert specific advice out there on how to connect with

people.

A lot of social skills experts deliver great advice on how to ignite meaningful

conversations and connect on a deeper level with people. But often, it‘s

framed in a way that favors extroverts.

As an introvert, you have different needs and strengths than extroverts. As

far as I know, my course is the only connections course created by and for

introverts.

True to my introverted nature, I delve way beyond the surface with this

program.

It‘s not about ―coming out of your shell‖ or ―fixing‖ your introversion. It‘s

about expanding, and applying the gifts you already have.

What You Learn

A simple formula for creating a lasting impression with the right

people

Done-for-you conversation igniters that instantly turn boring small

Page 47: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

48

talk into interesting conversations

Genius exercises to avoid being tongue-tied

The best questions to spark meaningful conversations

Clear steps to go from meet and greet to meaningful connections

The storytelling formula that makes you captivating and exciting to

listen to

Zen hacks that get you out of your head and into engaging

conversations

The little known secret to being irresistibly magnetic (you‘ll probably

be surprised)

Tools for managing your energy so you don't get overwhelmed in social

situations

What You Get

3 Live information packed video webinars that include time for Q&A

3 Interviews with social skills experts

6 Email lessons containing exercises, actionable steps and strategies

Done-for-you conversation starters and questions to spark meaningful

conversations

Downloadable recordings of all webinars and interviews

Go here to learn more and reserve your spot for the next intake.

Page 48: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

49

About Michaela

Michaela Chung is an expert on introversion with a rich background in

communication and human performance techniques and strategies. She is

best known for her popular website, Introvert Spring, which offers hundreds

of articles and resources to help introverts embrace and optimize their

introversion.

She is also the author of The Introvert Revolution: A Quiet Path To

Reclaiming Our Power, and the creator of Introvert Talk Sundays, a self-

development podcast for introverts. Her popular introvert infographics,

memes, and articles have been widely shared across the Internet.

But it wasn‘t so long ago that Michaela's life looked completely different.

A few short years ago, Michaela felt stuck in an unfulfilling job that didn‘t

allow her to use her gifts. She knew she had more to offer the world, but

didn‘t know where to begin.

Page 49: Alone, But Not Lonely€¦ · Alone, But Not Lonely 7 Steps To True Connection For Introverts By Michaela Chung ... For many introverts, finding even one person who just ‗gets‘

50

Despite her uncertainty, and the disapproval of her painfully practical Asian

father, Michaela quit her job and set out to find her life‘s purpose. She also

had a crazy dream to live on every continent. So, she decided to combine the

two goals.

She sold everything that wouldn‘t fit in a suitcase and set out on her hero's

journey towards a life of greater meaning. Seven countries and three

continents later, she found what she was looking for + a whole lot more.

It turns out that learning to accept and embrace her introversion was the key

to unlocking her greater purpose and finding fulfillment. Now, her mission is

to help other introverts do the same. .

She has been prolific in sharing her expertise and personal insights on the

topic of introversion through her website, Facebook page, Twitter, and

YouTube Channel.

She has been featured in Arnie Kozak‘sThe Everything Guide To The

Introvert Edge, as well as Patricia Weber‘s Communication Toolkit For

Introverts. She was also recently featured in this articlein The Chicago

Tribune.