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Vol. 17 Issue 06 All Rights Reserved © 2019

HOW MEN THINK LONELY, AND WANT A DATE?

TRY THESE SUREFIRE WAYS TO WOW THE WOMAN OF

YOUR DREAMS ON-LINE OR IN PERSON!

Pardon me, are you from the Carib-

bean? Because Jamaican me cra-

zy.

I know it's not my business, but if

you were a laser, you'd be set on stunning.

Say, is it hot in here or is it

just you?

Excuse me, I seem to have lost my

phone number---can I have yours?

I don't mean to pry, but are you from

Nashville? Because you're the only Ten-I

-See.

Even though we've never met, I'm sure your

last name must

be Campbell; because

you're Mmmmmmmmm

good.

Sorry to bother you, but

do you work for NASA

because you're out of this

world.

I WAS GOING TO BUY A COPY OF THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING, AND THEN I THOUGHT: WHAT GOOD WOULD THAT DO?

I HAVE NEVER SEEN A MONUMENT ERECTED TO A PESSIMIST

SELF DEFENSE

The little boy came home from the playground with a bloody

nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was ob-

vious he'd been in a bad fight and

lost. While his father was patching

him up, he asked his son what hap-

pened.

"Well, Dad," said the boy, "This

other boy and I got into an argument

and I challenged him to a duel. I

gave him his choice of weapons."

"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems

fair."

"I know, but I never thought he'd

choose his sister!"

ONE NIGHT AT THE SENIOR

CENTER

First Old Man: "She’s a great dancer.

She's got terrific rhythm. But I just

can't keep up with her."

Second Old Man: "Why not?"

First Old Man: "She's got

wheels on her walker."

http://www.silverstartheatre.com/

IGNORANCE OF SIN IS INVARIABLY ATTENDED BY NEGLECT OF CHRIST

UNTIL A SINNER SEES HIMSELF AS GOD SEES HIM, HE WILL CONTINUE CARELESS, TRIFLING, AND UNMOVED

JOHN 4:26

We are all naturally inclined to make religion a mere matter

of outward forms and ceremonies, and to attach an excessive

importance to our own particular manner of worshiping God.

We must beware of this spirit, and especially when we first

begin to think seriously about our souls. The heart is the prin-

cipal thing in all our approaches to God. "The Lord looks on

the heart." (1 Sam. 16:7.)

The most gorgeous cathedral-service is offensive in God's

sight, if all is gone through coldly, heartlessly, and without

grace.

The feeblest gathering of three or four poor believers in a

lowly cottage to read the Bible and pray, is a more acceptable

sight to Him who searches the heart than the fullest congrega-

tion which is ever gathered in St. Peter's at Rome.

Dealings with sinners form one of the grand peculi-

arities of the Gospel. Whatever a man's past life

may have been, there is hope and a remedy for him

in Christ.

If he is only willing to hear Christ's voice

and follow Him, Christ is willing to re-

ceive him at once as a friend, and to

bestow on him the fullest measure of

mercy and grace.

Excerpt from J.C. Ryle’s Exposi-

tory on the Gospel of John

http://www.barleensdinnershow.com/

I CAN’T DO THAT! MY POWERS CAN ONLY BE USED FOR GOOD

SOMEONE FIGURED OUT THAT, POUND FOR POUND, HAMBURGERS COST MORE THAN NEW CARS

GRACE ONCE INTRODUCED INTO THE HEART DRIVES OUT OLD TASTES

ON LAND, FIRES BURN QUICKER UPHILL THAN DOWNHILL

1. MOVIES: Which 1969 movie featured the song

"Raindrops Keep Fallin'' on My Head"?

2. LITERATURE: What is the name of Harry's owl in the

"Harry Potter" book series?

3. MUSIC: Which American actor performs music as his

alter ego Childish Gambino?

4. FOOD & DRINK: Which kids' snack, contained in a

box with a string handle, was first marketed in 1902?

5. GAMES: In what game is a shuttlecock used?

6. SPACE: Who piloted America's first and shortest flight

into space?

7. ANIMAL KINGDOM: Which fish is the fastest in the

world?

8. GEOGRAPHY: What is Saigon's current name in Vi-

etnam?

9. ART: Which city is home to the statue "David" created

by Michelangelo?

10. MONEY: What was the basic currency of Greece be-

fore the euro?

Answers

1. "Butch Cassidy and The Sun-

dance Kid"

2. Hedwig

3. Donald Glover

4. Animal-shaped crackers then

known as "Barnum's Animals"

5. Badminton

6. Alan Shepard, 1961, 15

minutes

7. The black marlin

8. Ho Chi Minh City

9. Florence, Italy

10. Drachma

(c) 2019 King Features Synd.,

Inc.

PEOPLE, LIKE KITES, RISE HIGHEST AGAINST THE WIND, NOT WITH IT

WELL DONE IS BETTER THAN WELL SAID

THE VICTORY A dyslexic man attended a conference about the disorder with

a friend. The speakers

asked those attending to

share their methods of

dealing with their afflic-

tion with the group.

The man stood up and said,

“Stress aggravates my condi-

tion. I reverse words and letters when I'm tense.”

“What do you do to deal with that,” asked the speaker.

"Well,” said the man, “I know why I named my twins Bob

and Anna."

THE RESCUE Once two hunters got lost in the forest. The

first hunter said, “I once read that if you get lost

you should shoot three times into the air and

someone will come to your rescue.”

The other man agreed. Three times they

shot into the air but no help arrived.

Finally the first hunter said, “What are

we going to do?”

The second hunter replied, “I don’t know, but

we’re almost out of arrows!”

RARELY DOES A MAN SEE THE VALUE IN CHRIST AS A SAVIOR, UNTIL HE DISCOVERS THAT HE IS HIMSELF A LOST AND RUINED SINNER

MATERIALISTS AND MADMEN NEVER HAVE DOUBTS

THEY SAY THAT EVERY LAKE IN OHIO IS MAN MADE

SOMEONE FIGURED OUT THAT PAIN TRAVELS FROM THE NERVE TO YOUR BRAIN AT UP TO 180 MPH

A FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU AND LIKES YOU ANYWAY

NEVER LET A COMPUTER KNOW YOU'RE IN A HURRY

A GOLDFISH HAS A MEMORY SPAN OF THREE SECONDS ...WHO KNOWS THESE THINGS? I MEAN HOW CAN YOU KNOW SUCH A THING?

* On Feb. 13, 1861, the earliest military action to

be revered with a Medal of Honor award is per-

formed by Col. Bernard J.D. Irwin, an Army sur-

geon serving in the first major U.S.-Apache con-

flict. The Irish-born doctor volunteered to go to

the rescue of 2nd Lt. George Bascom, who was

trapped in Arizona with 60 soldiers by the

Apaches.

* On Feb. 14, 1886, the first trainload of oranges grown by

southern California farmers leaves Los Angeles via the

transcontinental railroad. Development of California surged

when state railroad lines linked Los Angeles into the trans-

continental railways.

* On Feb. 15, 1903, the first Teddy bear goes

on sale. Toy-store owner and inventor Mor-

ris Michtom placed two stuffed bears in

his shop window, advertising them as

Teddy bears, named after President Theo-

dore Roosevelt.

RARELY DOES A SOUL VALUE THE MEDICINE OF THE GOSPEL UNTIL IT TRULY FEELS THE DISEASE OF SIN

* On Feb. 16, 1923, in Thebes, Egypt, English

archaeologist Howard Carter enters the sealed

burial chamber of the ancient Egyptian ruler

King Tutankhamen. The room was vir-

tually intact, with its treasures un-

touched after more than 3,000 years.

* On Feb. 12, 1938, Judy Blume, pop-

ular young-adult author, is born in

Elizabeth, New Jersey. Blume's books,

which realistically address such topics as bullying,

divorce, friendships and family, gained legions of

young fans; however, their content frequently led them to be

banned by school libraries.

* On Feb. 11, 1960, the Federal Communications Commis-

sion proposes a new law making it a criminal act to be in-

volved in Payola -- corrupt practices in the radio and music

industries that involved manufac-

turing a hit by paying for it to be

played on the air.

* On Feb. 17, 1996, world chess

champion Garry Kasparov tri-

umphs over Deep Blue, IBM's

chess-playing computer, to win

their six-game match, 4-2. However, Deep Blue would de-

feat Kasparov in a heavily publicized rematch the following

year.

(c) 2019 Hearst Communications, Inc. All Rights Reserved

I WONDER WHY LIFE'S PROBLEMS CAN’T HIT US AT 17 WHEN WE KNOW EVERYTHING

SIERRA LEONE

• Sierra Leone is a small country in West Africa, slightly

larger than South Carolina.

• 5,525,000 people live in Sierra Leone

• The languages used in

Sierra Leone are English,

Mende, Temne and Krio

• Sierra Leone is one of the top 10 dia-

mond producing nations in the world

• People in Sierra Leone can expect to

live 43 years

• Great Britain ruled Sierra Leone from

1808 until 1961

• Only 31 percent of adults can read

• Rice is an important food to the people of Sierra Leone,

and it is served at almost every meal

• Bones, particularly chicken bones, are a delicacy

• African elephant, goril-

las, antelopes, forest

buffalo, monkeys, leop-

ards, baboons and hip-

pos all live in the Sierra

Leone

http://www.truevalue.com/

I HAVEN'T SLEPT FOR 4 DAYS... BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE WAY TOO LONG

IN ALASKA, KANGAROOS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN BARBER SHOPS AT ANY TIME

FEW REALLY FEEL THEIR SINS AND FLEE TO CHRIST

ANOTHER CITY HAS NO HOMELESS VETS?

In a recent press release, the Department of Veterans Affairs

announced that Little Rock, Arkansas, had joined the list of

three states and 65 towns that had conquered veteran home-

lessness.

The list of those locations goes back to 2015, and the page

announces, "The following jurisdictions have announced an

end to Veteran homelessness as of Dec. 19, 2018." The actual

facts raise questions, however.

Take New Orleans. The mayor issued a statement in 2015

saying it was the first city in the nation to end veteran home-

lessness. OK. How are they doing now? At the end of 2018,

the VA health center there held a Stand Down for homeless

veterans. The director said that the VA has made significant

progress, but there was more work to do. They still have

homeless veterans.

In 2015, the governor of Virginia said they would work to

end veteran homelessness by the end of 2017. The homeless

number was cut in half, which is major milestone. But fast-

forward to the January 2018 Point in Time Count (PIT). The

numbers were not zero.

In late 2017, the mayor of Atlanta was quoted as thanking all

those who helped make it possible. The assumption, since his

quote is on the list of cities that conquered veteran homeless-

ness, is that there were no more homeless veterans in Atlanta.

Two months later, on the day of the PIT, there were 96 un-

sheltered homeless veterans there.

It's to be expected that when people move around, the number

of homeless will shift. But to include these locations on a list

of those purporting to have achieved zero homelessness,

when they currently have homeless, is to skew the numbers.

They might once have been down to zero, but they're not

there now.

(c) 2019 King Features Synd., Inc.

SOMEWHERE ON THIS PLANET, EVERY TEN SECONDS, THERE IS A WOMAN GIVING BIRTH . SHE MUST BE FOUND AND STOPPED. --SAM LEVENSON

EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM

STOP REPEAT OFFENDERS DON'T RE-ELECT THEM!