After ActionAfter Action

……Finding Middle Ground Finding Middle Ground in the Transition from in the Transition from

Combat to HomeCombat to Home

Copyright 2005 Chuck Dean

Inner Conflict – The ParadoxInner Conflict – The ParadoxHappy to be HomeHappy to be Home(Looked forward to the return…(Looked forward to the return…

Dreamland)Dreamland)

However…dissatisfaction and However…dissatisfaction and confused feelings may prevail…feel confused feelings may prevail…feel edgy, uptight, and perhaps angry for edgy, uptight, and perhaps angry for no good reasonno good reason

Reality Sets In – Thoughts of Reality Sets In – Thoughts of Returning to War-ZoneReturning to War-Zone

Home is not the same – Failed Home is not the same – Failed expectations – Too complicated…expectations – Too complicated…combat zone is simplercombat zone is simpler

Left friends that your life depended on Left friends that your life depended on and they depended on youand they depended on you

Job not finishedJob not finishedTrained to do a job that doesn’t Trained to do a job that doesn’t

translate to civilian life (shoot, move, translate to civilian life (shoot, move, communicate)communicate)

Transformers - Warriors in Transformers - Warriors in FluxFlux

Down Range to Home on the Range…Down Range to Home on the Range… Deployed mindset is: Inner resolve and Deployed mindset is: Inner resolve and

strength to face fear, obstacles, and trials strength to face fear, obstacles, and trials in combat with courage and coolness of in combat with courage and coolness of character — Assault/retreat…No Middle character — Assault/retreat…No Middle Ground Ground

Military training and acquired skills that Military training and acquired skills that sustained your survival in combat can be sustained your survival in combat can be negative and harmful at home. Combat negative and harmful at home. Combat Operational Stress (COS).Operational Stress (COS).

Good ReturnsGood ReturnsEvery individual has their own way of Every individual has their own way of

making the journey from war to peacemaking the journey from war to peaceA good return coping skill is to A good return coping skill is to

consciously adapt combat skills to consciously adapt combat skills to work for you on the home front. Be work for you on the home front. Be effective in the same wayseffective in the same ways

Capitalize on what you know — Your Capitalize on what you know — Your proven strengthsproven strengths

Your Deployed StrengthsYour Deployed Strengths Camaraderie — Unit cohesion and teamworkCamaraderie — Unit cohesion and teamwork Tactical alertness — vigilanceTactical alertness — vigilance Armed for combat – constant close proximity Armed for combat – constant close proximity

to lethal weaponsto lethal weapons Emotional control under pressureEmotional control under pressure Aggressive (not defensive) driving skills Aggressive (not defensive) driving skills

(vehicle movement – convoys, patrols)(vehicle movement – convoys, patrols) Discipline and commanding presenceDiscipline and commanding presence(You cannot always behave and react the same (You cannot always behave and react the same

at home like you did in the combat zone.)at home like you did in the combat zone.)

Camaraderie – The Buddy Camaraderie – The Buddy SystemSystem

The Front = Your life was entrusted to your The Front = Your life was entrusted to your buddies, and no else understands your buddies, and no else understands your experience but those who were with you.experience but those who were with you.

Home Front = You may long and prefer to Home Front = You may long and prefer to be with your war buddies rather than with be with your war buddies rather than with loved ones (Understanding and interests loved ones (Understanding and interests are elsewhere…you avoid talking re: war are elsewhere…you avoid talking re: war experiences…appear to be “cold” to loved experiences…appear to be “cold” to loved ones)ones)

Recognize and RenewRecognize and RenewThe Front = Unit cohesion, strong The Front = Unit cohesion, strong

friendships made in times of intense friendships made in times of intense survival, helping, trusting, etc.survival, helping, trusting, etc.

The Home Front = Recognize and The Home Front = Recognize and utilize your training skills to renew utilize your training skills to renew family ties. Spend individual time with family ties. Spend individual time with loved ones…accept and provide loved ones…accept and provide support.support.

Realities of ControlRealities of ControlMaintaining control is a Maintaining control is a basic survival instinct…basic survival instinct…

The Front = personal belongings, The Front = personal belongings, weapons and combat gear are weapons and combat gear are important and necessary to staying important and necessary to staying alive. Everything in order…unexpected alive. Everything in order…unexpected company. Readiness is paramount for company. Readiness is paramount for survival.survival.

Realities of Control – part 2Realities of Control – part 2The Home Front = You can easily The Home Front = You can easily

become upset and go “overkill” when become upset and go “overkill” when someone moves or messes with your someone moves or messes with your stuff…no matter how significant or stuff…no matter how significant or insignificant. The idea of someone insignificant. The idea of someone “violating” your space sets you off. It “violating” your space sets you off. It seems that no one cares about doing seems that no one cares about doing things right except you, and they are things right except you, and they are not combat-ready!not combat-ready!

Inventory Survival – What is Inventory Survival – What is Important?Important?

The Front = Constantly keeping tabs The Front = Constantly keeping tabs on personal possessions because you on personal possessions because you may need them at any time. Good may need them at any time. Good inventory keeps you combat readyinventory keeps you combat ready

The Home Front = Distinguish The Home Front = Distinguish between importance's. Giving up between importance's. Giving up control at home does not place you at control at home does not place you at risk. Surrender is ok. Apologizing is risk. Surrender is ok. Apologizing is NOT a sign of weakness (especially to NOT a sign of weakness (especially to your significant other)your significant other)

Living with the “Wire”Living with the “Wire”Combat Life Creates Invisible Perimeter Combat Life Creates Invisible Perimeter Wires for Command and Control. Wires for Command and Control. It is how we cope with pain & emotional It is how we cope with pain & emotional overwhelm. (Vows are made…)overwhelm. (Vows are made…)

A perimeter wire at home can destroy A perimeter wire at home can destroy relationships if ignored and not relationships if ignored and not addressedaddressed

Knowing the “Wire” DrillKnowing the “Wire” DrillExplain the “wire” to those close to you Explain the “wire” to those close to you

(Encouraging loved ones not to take it (Encouraging loved ones not to take it personal when you keep them at arms personal when you keep them at arms length.)length.)

Practice allowing those you love and trust Practice allowing those you love and trust to come over to your side of the “wire” to to come over to your side of the “wire” to visit and interact in your visit and interact in your reservedreserved space. space.

Get their agreement to return to their Get their agreement to return to their side of the “wire” if you become stressed.side of the “wire” if you become stressed.

Tactical AlertnessTactical AlertnessThe Front = Survival depends on The Front = Survival depends on

constant awareness of surroundings constant awareness of surroundings and reacting to danger according to and reacting to danger according to your training (sniper fire, mortar your training (sniper fire, mortar attacks, possible IEDs, etc.)attacks, possible IEDs, etc.)

The Home Front = Hyper vigilance and The Home Front = Hyper vigilance and anxious in crowds and confined anxious in crowds and confined spaces. Easily startled…difficultly with spaces. Easily startled…difficultly with sleep because you must be on guard.sleep because you must be on guard.

Making Alertness Work at Making Alertness Work at HomeHome

Train yourself to recognize and determine Train yourself to recognize and determine (in advance) what is a (in advance) what is a minor minor or or majormajor event or a change involving your event or a change involving your surroundings. Familiarize yourself with surroundings. Familiarize yourself with elements in your environment that elements in your environment that repeatedly sets off combat-induced repeatedly sets off combat-induced triggers. triggers.

Implement an exercise program. Refrain Implement an exercise program. Refrain from large amounts of alcohol or illegal from large amounts of alcohol or illegal drugs to help with sleep.drugs to help with sleep.

Lethal WeaponsLethal Weapons The Front: Mandatory possession of The Front: Mandatory possession of

weapons. You had to carry your weapons. You had to carry your weapon and have it ready for action weapon and have it ready for action all the time. It meant life or death.all the time. It meant life or death.

The Home Front: “Naked” without a The Home Front: “Naked” without a weapon in your possession. In the weapon in your possession. In the home, in your car, and believing that home, in your car, and believing that loved ones are not safe without them. loved ones are not safe without them.

Armed to Unarmed…Making the Armed to Unarmed…Making the SwitchSwitch

Aligning Combat laws with Civilian LawsAligning Combat laws with Civilian Laws Combat law dictates – You have developed Combat law dictates – You have developed

skills and know the strict rules for weapon skills and know the strict rules for weapon safety. Where and/or when to fire a weapon.safety. Where and/or when to fire a weapon.

Civilian law dictates – Safety precautions. Civilian law dictates – Safety precautions. Never drive with a loaded weapon, or use a Never drive with a loaded weapon, or use a weapon to threaten or intimidate others weapon to threaten or intimidate others (especially those close to you…loved ones). (especially those close to you…loved ones). Do not demand anything from anyone by Do not demand anything from anyone by brandishing a weapon.brandishing a weapon.

Confrontational CourageConfrontational Courage The Front = Soldiers make split second The Front = Soldiers make split second

decisions that are lethal. Kill or be killed. decisions that are lethal. Kill or be killed. Appropriate responses to threats. Anger is Appropriate responses to threats. Anger is used to motivate in combat.used to motivate in combat.

The Home Front = Same training skills The Home Front = Same training skills result in inappropriate hostility towards result in inappropriate hostility towards others, anger, assault, spousal abuse. others, anger, assault, spousal abuse. Overreactions to minor insults and Overreactions to minor insults and hassles. hassles.

Immediate Action/Correct Immediate Action/Correct ActionAction

The Front = Confrontational The Front = Confrontational (aggressive) action in combat ensures (aggressive) action in combat ensures safety from actual threats of danger.safety from actual threats of danger.

The Home Front = (Correct action) The Home Front = (Correct action) Learn to quickly determine real threats Learn to quickly determine real threats to your safety and think before you act. to your safety and think before you act. Walk away. Talk to someone while you Walk away. Talk to someone while you cool off.cool off.

““It was Just a Bump in the Road:It was Just a Bump in the Road:Keep Driving & Don’t Look Keep Driving & Don’t Look

Back.”Back.”Controlling emotions in combat vs. Shut Controlling emotions in combat vs. Shut down at home. (“It Don’t Mean Nothin”)down at home. (“It Don’t Mean Nothin”)

The Front = It was critical to control The Front = It was critical to control (“freeze”) emotions for the sake of the (“freeze”) emotions for the sake of the mission. Able to do the job while mastering mission. Able to do the job while mastering strong feelings.strong feelings.

The Home Front = Loved ones expect to see The Home Front = Loved ones expect to see emotions. Failing to show them signals that emotions. Failing to show them signals that you don’t care…hurting relationships. You you don’t care…hurting relationships. You could come across as unloving and detached. could come across as unloving and detached.

Making Combat Control Making Combat Control Work at HomeWork at Home

Capitalize on the strength of the Capitalize on the strength of the emotional control you learned in the emotional control you learned in the combat zone.combat zone.(Performing tasks while mastering (Performing tasks while mastering strong emotions)strong emotions)Emotional control means holding in Emotional control means holding in emotions emotions as well asas well as expressing them. expressing them. Showing emotions is good for healthy Showing emotions is good for healthy relationships at home. It is not a relationships at home. It is not a weakness.weakness.

Trouble on the Commo LinesTrouble on the Commo Lines The Front = You talked about your The Front = You talked about your

missions and experiences with those who missions and experiences with those who needed to know (usually only those other needed to know (usually only those other members of your unit who shared the members of your unit who shared the experience and can relate).experience and can relate).

The Home Front = Avoid talking to anyone The Home Front = Avoid talking to anyone about deployment experiences…loved about deployment experiences…loved ones press you to talk. Can’t relate…ones press you to talk. Can’t relate…You do not let anyone know where you are You do not let anyone know where you are going or where you have been.going or where you have been.

Language OverloadLanguage OverloadWe went to war and some of us came We went to war and some of us came

back. End of the story…back. End of the story… I suffered. I was there. You were not. I suffered. I was there. You were not.

(Only those facts matter…Everything (Only those facts matter…Everything else is beyond words.)else is beyond words.)

It don’t mean nothinIt don’t mean nothin’ really means: ’ really means: “It means everything, it means too “It means everything, it means too much” Language overload, so forget much” Language overload, so forget hearing about it.hearing about it.

The Road to Happiness Begins The Road to Happiness Begins with Open Commo Lineswith Open Commo Lines

Accept the fact that your loved ones Accept the fact that your loved ones need to know something about your need to know something about your deployment. Think about how you can deployment. Think about how you can tell your story in a way that is tell your story in a way that is acceptable to both them and yourself. acceptable to both them and yourself. Brief them that you will not talk about Brief them that you will not talk about certain things….SO DON’T ASK! (i.e. certain things….SO DON’T ASK! (i.e. “Did you kill anyone?”).“Did you kill anyone?”).

Tell them your story…Tell them your story…

Why Them and Not Me?Why Them and Not Me?Frustrated and feeling guilty that you Frustrated and feeling guilty that you

lived to come home, and fear that lived to come home, and fear that others may not because you are not others may not because you are not there to do your part to keep them there to do your part to keep them alive. alive.

Vowed to never leave a buddy behind. Vowed to never leave a buddy behind. A feeling of failure — that you are A feeling of failure — that you are letting those down who trusted and letting those down who trusted and relied upon your skills and “gun”.relied upon your skills and “gun”.

Dealing with Survivor’s GuiltDealing with Survivor’s GuiltRealizing that there are Realizing that there are

circumstances that are beyond your circumstances that are beyond your abilities and training to prevent or abilities and training to prevent or change. Accept that…change. Accept that…

Your buddy still in the war zone Your buddy still in the war zone wants you to drive on, succeed and wants you to drive on, succeed and be happy after your tour of duty.be happy after your tour of duty.

Lines Are Drawn Down RangeLines Are Drawn Down Range On the Front giving and taking orders is cut On the Front giving and taking orders is cut

and dried. Disciplined to receive and carry and dried. Disciplined to receive and carry out orders. Disciplined to give orders and out orders. Disciplined to give orders and see that they are carried out unwaveringly. see that they are carried out unwaveringly. Black and white thinking kept you and Black and white thinking kept you and others safe and in control of situations.others safe and in control of situations.

On the Home Front inflexible mindset On the Home Front inflexible mindset (giving orders and making demands) often (giving orders and making demands) often leads to conflict with loved ones, friends, leads to conflict with loved ones, friends, workplace, etc. workplace, etc.

Negotiating in Middle GroundNegotiating in Middle GroundRealize:Realize:

#1 Your family is not your military unit.#1 Your family is not your military unit.#2 Time has passed since you were with #2 Time has passed since you were with

them and new ways of doing things may them and new ways of doing things may have developed… learn to relax, observe, have developed… learn to relax, observe, and appreciate this as growth.and appreciate this as growth.

#3 Be prepared to negotiate: Negotiating for #3 Be prepared to negotiate: Negotiating for resolutions requires that you stop, wait, resolutions requires that you stop, wait, listen… walk in the other person’s shoes…listen… walk in the other person’s shoes…see their point of view the best you can.see their point of view the best you can.

Then and NowThen and Now

Welcome HomeWelcome HomeA New DayA New Day

Chuck Dean’s CompleteChuck Dean’s CompleteBook CollectionBook Collection

Can be Found at:Can be Found at:

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