Adult Survivors of Adult Survivors of TraumaTrauma

& Dysfunctional & Dysfunctional FamiliesFamiliesUsing a Using a

Strength-Based Strength-Based Model for Life-Model for Life-Long RecoveryLong Recovery

Robert J. Ackerman, Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.DPh.D..

www.robertjackerman.com

ODAPCAODAPCANorman, OKNorman, OK

October 9, 2014October 9, 2014

Goals of a Recovering Goals of a Recovering PersonPerson

Learn how to make decisions and Learn how to make decisions and responsible choices.responsible choices.

Learn how to function in new ways Learn how to function in new ways socially.socially.

Establish stable relationships with Establish stable relationships with friends, family, and others.friends, family, and others.

Follow a recovery planFollow a recovery plan Self-actualizeSelf-actualize

Common Characteristics of Common Characteristics of Human Development Human Development

TheoriesTheories Stage theoristsStage theorists

Normal developmental crisis Normal developmental crisis emphasisemphasis

Sequence orientedSequence oriented

Building block assumptionsBuilding block assumptions

ASSESSMENT OF FAMILY ASSESSMENT OF FAMILY FUNCTIONINGFUNCTIONING

BEAVERS* SYSTEMS MODELBEAVERS* SYSTEMS MODEL

Based on how well a family functions Based on how well a family functions as a groupas a group

Family structure doesn’t matter, ie. Family structure doesn’t matter, ie. single parent, etc..single parent, etc..

Emotional state of a family depends Emotional state of a family depends upon: intimacy-power-controlupon: intimacy-power-control

Dysfunctional FamiliesDysfunctional Families

Areas of ConflictAreas of Conflict Perceived isolationPerceived isolation InconsistencyInconsistency Self-condemnationSelf-condemnation Control needsControl needs Approval needsApproval needs RigidityRigidity Fear of failureFear of failure

Unspoken Rules of Unspoken Rules of Troubled FamiliesTroubled Families

1. Be in control at all times.1. Be in control at all times.

2. Always be right, do the right thing.2. Always be right, do the right thing.

3. If something doesn’t happen as planned, 3. If something doesn’t happen as planned, blame someone or yourselfblame someone or yourself

4. Deny feelings, especially the negative or 4. Deny feelings, especially the negative or vulnerable ones like anxiety, fear, vulnerable ones like anxiety, fear, loneliness, grief, rejection or need.loneliness, grief, rejection or need.

Unspoken Rules of Troubled Unspoken Rules of Troubled FamiliesFamilies

5. Don’t expect reliability or consistency in 5. Don’t expect reliability or consistency in relationships.relationships.

6. Don’t bring transactions or 6. Don’t bring transactions or disagreements disagreements

to completion or resolutionto completion or resolution

7. Don’t talk openly or directly about 7. Don’t talk openly or directly about shameful, abusive, or compulsive shameful, abusive, or compulsive

behaviors behaviors in the family in the family

Recovery LagRecovery Lag

*not all individuals/families are affected the *not all individuals/families are affected the same waysame way

*not all parts of the individual/family will need *not all parts of the individual/family will need interventionintervention

*not all individuals/family will respond the *not all individuals/family will respond the same way to treatmentsame way to treatment

*not all personal or family issues/problems *not all personal or family issues/problems will recover at the same ratewill recover at the same rate

*not all members of the family will need the *not all members of the family will need the same amount of supportsame amount of support

*not all individuals/families will recover to the *not all individuals/families will recover to the same degreesame degree

Strength-Based RecoveryStrength-Based Recovery

VictimVictimList the ways that you feel List the ways that you feel or believe that you haveor believe that you havebeen victimizedbeen victimized1.1.2.2.3.3.4.4.5.5.6.6.

VictimVictim MissingMissingList the ways that you feelList the ways that you feel As a result of beingAs a result of being

or believe that you have or believe that you have victimized what didvictimized what did

been victimizedbeen victimized you miss?you miss?

1.1. 1.1.

2.2. 2.2.

3.3. 3.3.

4.4. 4.4.

5.5. 5.5.

6.6. 6.6.

VictimVictim MissingMissingChangeChange

List the ways that youList the ways that you As a result of being As a result of being How you How you wouldwould

feel or believe that youfeel or believe that you victimized whatvictimized what like to belike to behave been victimizedhave been victimized did you miss?did you miss?1.1. 1.1. 1.1.2.2. 2.2. 2.2.

3.3. 3.3. 3.3.4.4. 4.4. 4.4.5.5. 5.5. 5.5.6.6. 6.6. 6.6.

*The most important element is *The most important element is ChoiceChoice

““Responses to an emotional trigger Responses to an emotional trigger can be relearned, but the trigger can be relearned, but the trigger does not disappear…emotional does not disappear…emotional lessons—even the most deeply lessons—even the most deeply implanted habits of the heart implanted habits of the heart learned in childhood—can be learned in childhood—can be reshaped. Emotional learning is reshaped. Emotional learning is life-long”life-long”

Daniel GolemanDaniel Goleman

Core Concepts of a Strength-Core Concepts of a Strength-Based ModelBased Model

Individual ConceptsIndividual Concepts

*self-efficacy*self-efficacy

*positive coping*positive coping

*practical knowledge*practical knowledge

*special talents*special talents

*forgiveness*forgiveness

*persistence*persistence

Identifying strengths Identifying strengths needed for changeneeded for change

*Identify the behaviors/talents you used to cope with *Identify the behaviors/talents you used to cope with dysfunction.dysfunction.

*Identify the strengths you learned from surviving *Identify the strengths you learned from surviving dysfunction.dysfunction.

*Which strengths can you use in other *Which strengths can you use in other functional/dysfunctional situations?functional/dysfunctional situations?

*How did you learn self-care and what strengths can *How did you learn self-care and what strengths can you use now to increase and maintain your you use now to increase and maintain your physical, emotional and spiritual health?physical, emotional and spiritual health?

*What are your cognitive (thinking) and emotional *What are your cognitive (thinking) and emotional strengths today?strengths today?

Motivation Sources & Motivation Sources & RecoveryRecovery

ExtrinsicExtrinsic

Initial stressInitial stress Negative Negative indicatorsindicators

External needsExternal needs PushedPushed

You have toYou have to Short sightedShort sighted

Driven by how it wasDriven by how it was Source is Source is behind youbehind you

Deficiency thinkingDeficiency thinking Uniqueness of Uniqueness of

disorder is stresseddisorder is stressed

IntrinsicIntrinsicDirectionDirection Positive indicatorsPositive indicatorsInternal needsInternal needs PulledPulledYou want toYou want to A developing A developing

sensesenseof selfof self

How it could beHow it could be Source is in Source is in front of front of

youyouAcceptance of selfAcceptance of self Self-actualizationSelf-actualization

RESILIENCY

Resiliency ChartResiliency Chart

Achievement Skills

Social Intelligence

Protective Factors

Moral Intelligence

Resiliency Skills

Emotional Intelligence

Resiliency ConsiderationsResiliency Considerations

*It is not a fixed attribute of *It is not a fixed attribute of individuals.individuals.

*Adversity is additive over time.*Adversity is additive over time.

*Resilient behavior does not *Resilient behavior does not necessarily necessarily

indicate good emotional health.indicate good emotional health.

Emotional IntelligenceEmotional Intelligence

IncludesIncludes Self-controlSelf-control Zeal and persistenceZeal and persistence Ability to motivate oneselfAbility to motivate oneself Persist in the face of frustrationPersist in the face of frustration Impulse controlImpulse control

Delay gratificationDelay gratification Regulate moodsRegulate moods Ability to think not impaired by Ability to think not impaired by

distressdistress To empathizeTo empathize To hopeTo hope

Emotional AwarenessEmotional Awareness

Meta-cognition—is an awareness of Meta-cognition—is an awareness of thought processthought process

Meta-mood—is an awareness of your Meta-mood—is an awareness of your own emotionsown emotions

Self-awareness—is the sense of Self-awareness—is the sense of ongoing attention to your internal ongoing attention to your internal states, it is being aware of both our states, it is being aware of both our mood and our thoughts about the mood and our thoughts about the moodmood

““As Aristotle saw, the problem is As Aristotle saw, the problem is not with emotionality, but with not with emotionality, but with the appropriateness of emotion the appropriateness of emotion and its expression. The question and its expression. The question is, how can we bring intelligence is, how can we bring intelligence to our emotions—and civility to to our emotions—and civility to our streets and caring to our our streets and caring to our communal life?”communal life?”

Two Part Model Social Two Part Model Social IntelligenceIntelligence

(Daniel Goleman, 2006)(Daniel Goleman, 2006)

Social AwarenessSocial Awareness

empathyempathy

attunementattunement

empathic accuracyempathic accuracy

social cognitionsocial cognition

Social FacilitySocial Facility

synchronysynchrony

self-presentationself-presentation

influenceinfluence

concernconcern

Concepts of Moral IntelligenceConcepts of Moral Intelligence(Michele Borba, 2002)(Michele Borba, 2002)

*Empathy*Empathy

*Conscience*Conscience

*Self-control*Self-control

*Respect*Respect

*Kindness*Kindness

*Tolerance*Tolerance

*Fairness*Fairness

Characteristics of Resilient Characteristics of Resilient & Emotionally Intelligent & Emotionally Intelligent

AdultsAdults Celebrates self and survivalCelebrates self and survival No longer lives in fearNo longer lives in fear Respects selfRespects self Free of grief and lossFree of grief and loss Can handle memoriesCan handle memories Can trustCan trust No longer controlledNo longer controlled Can receive from self and othersCan receive from self and others Embraces the “spirit” of recoveryEmbraces the “spirit” of recovery Develops a sense of spiritualityDevelops a sense of spirituality

““Let Go & Grow”Let Go & Grow”A Four Stage Model for A Four Stage Model for

RecoveryRecovery 1. Making peace with reality1. Making peace with reality

2. Making peace with yourself2. Making peace with yourself

3. Making peace with your family3. Making peace with your family

4. Achieving Positive Emotional 4. Achieving Positive Emotional IntimacyIntimacy

““If PTSD can be healed, so can the If PTSD can be healed, so can the more muted emotional scars that so more muted emotional scars that so many of us bear; that is the task of many of us bear; that is the task of psychotherapy. And, in general, it psychotherapy. And, in general, it is in learning to deal skillfully with is in learning to deal skillfully with these loaded reactions that these loaded reactions that emotional intelligence comes to emotional intelligence comes to play”play”

Daniel GolemanDaniel Goleman