Adding Machine - Lib

THE ADDING MACHINE: a chamber musical Composed by Joshua Schmidt Libretto by Jason Loewith and Joshua Schmidt after Elmer Rice’s play, The Adding Machine Libretto September 2007 All Rights Reserved ©2007 by the authors Next Theatre Company 927 Noyes Street Evanston IL 60201 847-475-1875 [email protected]

2 production draft 2-9-07

Setting: Here and the afterlife, near an American city in the 1920s Dramatis Personae Zero Mrs. Zero Daisy Shrdlu Boss/Fixer/Charles (non-singing role) CHORUS: Soprano Alto Tenor Bass In addition to choral duties, chorus members play office workers in Scene 2, party guests in Scene 3, Guard and Prisoner (tenor) in Scene 5, and souls in Scene 6.


Prologue: In Numbers The Ensemble sings. ZERO and MRS. ZERO enter to their places during the Prologue. In numbers The mysteries of life can be revealed In numbers Simplicity and truth are never far In numbers!


Scene 1: Something To Be Proud Of MR. and MRS. ZERO are in bed. [Brackets indicate text in this scene is spoken rather than sung.]

MRS. ZERO Mrs. Twelve Mrs. Twelve was sayin’ to me,

“Mrs. Zero!” Mrs. Twelve was sayin' to me,

Only yesterday. “Mrs. Zero!” Says she. [She says] “What I like is them love stories. Them sweet little love stories.”

Mrs. Twelve was sayin' to me, Only yesterday. “You’re right, Mrs. Twelve.” Says I. “That’s what I like too.

[I says] What I like is them love stories.

Them sweet little love stories. They’re sweet and wholesome.” Mrs. Eight Mrs. Eight was sayin’ to me, “Mrs. Zero!” Mrs. Eight was sayin' to me, Only yesterday. “Mrs. Zero!” Says she. She says “A Mother’s Tears is the best picture ever made - So sweet and wholesome!” Mrs. Eight was sayin' to me, “Don’t miss it!” “An’ they got that big star, Grace Darling - So sweet and wholesome, Starrin’ in that picture show.” She says “A Mother’s Tears is the best picture ever made - So sweet and wholesome! Grace Darling! Don’t miss it!” “Sure thing, Mrs. Eight,”

Says me. The Eights seen it downtown.

They go downtown all the time. Just like us -

Nit!


CHORUS

Mr. Zero, Zero (etc.)

MRS. ZERO Mrs. Nine Mrs. Nine was sayin’ to me,

“Mrs. Zero!” Mrs. Nine was sayin' to me,

Only yesterday. “Mrs. Zero!” Says she. “Grace Darling ain’t livin’ with her husband -

Ain’t livin’ with her husband!” Mrs. Nine was sayin' to me.

Maybe it ain’t true. “Some millionaire is crazy for her!” You can’t believe all you read. She looks so sweet and wholesome Starrin’ in that picture. Starrin’ in that… Grace Darling! Maybe it ain’t true. So sweet and wholesome. So sweet and…

CHORUS

The Eights go downtown They go downtown all the time They seen it downtown They go downtown all the time Just like us… NIT! (etc.)

MRS. ZERO But you!

You could wait - Till it comes uptown! CHORUS

[But you wouldn’t go downtown – They go downtown all the time! not if wild horses was to drag you. The Eights go downtown You can wait till they come uptown!] They go downtown all the time!

But you!

You ain’t got the price! All the time! “Gotta start savin…”

A FAT LOT you’ll ever save!

[You could dig up the price all right! The Eights go downtown You always got the price for the ball game!] They go downtown all the time! What about me? Where do I come in? I wan’t to see ‘em


MRS. ZERO When they see ‘em.

[But when it comes to me havin’ a good time, CHORUS

then it’s always “No! They seen it downtown I gotta start savin’” or “I ain’t got the price!”] They go downtown all the time!

What about me? Where do I come in? I want to have fun When they have fun! [An’ don’t you go pullin’ that stuff about bein’ tired. They seen it downtown Tired! Where do you get that tired stuff anyhow?] They go downtown all the time!

Scrubbin’ your floors, Cookin’ your meals, Washin’ your clothes!

What would you do, Would you do without me?

MRS. ZERO [Now don’t you go startin’ nuthin’ with other women – Scrubbin’ your floors Not if you know what’s good for you! Cookin’ your meals I put up with a lot around here! Washin’ your clothes But I won’t put up with that!] What would you do

Would you do without her? (etc)

I was a fool! A fool for marrying you! I didn’t pick much When I picked you. You ain’t much to be proud of! I was a fool She dreams of leaving you A fool for marrying you! But she doesn’t have the nerve

I didn’t pick much when I picked you! The nerve You ain’t much to be proud of! She doesn’t have the nerve.

MRS. ZERO/CHORUS I was a fool! A fool for marrying you MRS. ZERO I didn’t pick much when I picked you! CHORUS You ain’t much to be proud of! She was a fool! A fool for marrying you! She didn’t pick much when she picked you! You ain’t much to be proud of!

Deleted: I do what I do¶To make ends meet!


MRS. ZERO Oh! I was a fool. A fool for marrying you. I didn’t pick much when I picked you. You ain’t much to be proud of. As the last note fades away, we start to hear the sounds of the office – pencils on paper, sighs, coughs… the low hum of a bookkeeping room at a big department store. The chorus and ZERO transition into the office.

8 Draft September 2007

Scene 2a: Harmony, Not Discord The bookkeeping room of a large department store. Three women read lists of figures to three men, who add them. Tensely quiet atmosphere of an office. See score for progression of dialogue in the opening of the scene, cued off of bold text. MAE speaks the slowest; DAISY speaks at twice MAE’s rate; BETTY speaks twice DAISY’s rate.

DAISY Eighty-seven cents ninety-seven cents Twenty-seven cents Sixteen sixty Fourteen forty-nine A dollar fifteen Sixty-seven cents Fifty-two cents Eighty-four cents Fifteen cents Forty-two cents Fourteen fifteen Eighty-seven cents ninety-seven cents Twenty-seven cents Sixteen sixty Fourteen forty-nine A dollar fifteen Twenty-seven cents Sixteen Sixty (repeat above phrase as nec)

MAE One hundred nine Three twenty two Four fifty nine Eight fifty six Three sixty nine Four sixty two Eight seventy One hundred nine Three twenty two Four fifty nine Eight fifty six Three sixty nine Four sixty two Eight seventy five Four sixty five (repeat above as nec)

BETTY 1 & 3 & 4 & 7 & 1 & 3 & 4 & 7 & 1 & 3 & 4 & 7 & Eight-Oh-One 2 & 6 & 7 & 3 & 2 & 6 & 7 & 3 & 2 & 6 & 7 & 3 & Twelve-Oh-Two 1 & 3 & 7 & 4 & 1 & 3 & 7 & 4 & 1 & 3 & 7 & 4 & Eight-Oh-One 2 & 6 & 7 & 3 & 2 & 6 & 7 & 3 & 2 & 6 & 7 & 3 & Twelve-Oh-Two (repeat above 2 phrases as nec)

BASS Beer I Need A Beer What’s The Time?

Deleted: production draft 2-9-07


DAISY Eighty-seven cents ninety-seven cents Twenty-seven cents Sixteen sixty Fourteen forty-nine A dollar fifteen Sixty-seven cents Fifty-two cents Eighty-four cents Fifteen cents Forty-two cents Fourteen fifteen Eighty-seven cents ninety-seven cents Twenty-seven cents Sixteen sixty Fourteen forty-nine A dollar fifteen Twenty-seven cents Sixteen Sixty

ZERO Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Twenty-five!

MAE One hundred nine Three twenty two Four fifty nine Eight fifty six Three sixty nine Four sixty two Eight seventy One hundred nine Three twenty two Four fifty nine Eight fifty six Three sixty nine Four sixty two Eight seventy five Four sixty five (repeat above as nec)

ONE Girls All Day I think of Girls All Day Blonds Bru- nettes And all their Skin So Smooth Curve of their Hips Legs Arms Down to the Hot – Those – Wow! (return to above and repeat as needed)

BETTY 1 & 3 & 4 & 7 & 1 & 3 & 4 & 7 & 1 & 3 & 4 & 7 & Eight-Oh-One 2 & 6 & 7 & 3 & 2 & 6 & 7 & 3 & 2 & 6 & 7 & 3 & Twelve-Oh-Two Ugh! Not a single mistake! 1 & 3 & 7 & 4 & 1 & 3 & 7 & 4 & 1 & 3 & 7 & 4 & Eight-Oh-One 2 & 6 & 7 & 3 & 2 & 6 & 7 & 3 & 2 & 6 & 7 & 3 & Twelve-Oh-Two (repeat above 2 phrases as nec)

TWO Beer I Need A Beer What’s The Time? (repeat above as nec)

Deleted: I think of¶Blonds¶Bru-¶nettes

Deleted: I think of…



When the workers have reached a maximum of efficiency and are in synch with each other, ZERO seems to hear the voices echoing in his mind, and stops it all abruptly.

ZERO Speed it up a little, cancha?

DAISY What’s the rush? Tomorrow’s another day.

ZERO Aw, you make me sick.

DAISY An’ you make me sicker.

ZERO Go on. Go on. We’re losin’ time.

DAISY Then quit bein’ so bossy. Three dollars. Two sixty-nine. Eighty-one fifty. Forty dollars. Who do you think you are anyhow?

ZERO Never mind that. You tend to your work.

DAISY Aw, don’t be given so many orders. Sixty cents. Twenty-four cents. Seventy-five cents. A dollar fifty. I don’t have to take it from you and what’s more I won’t!

ZERO Aw, quit talking!

DAISY I’ll talk all I want! Three dollars. Fifty cents. Two fifty. Three fifty. (she goes on repeating these numbers under ZERO) Deleted: production draft 2-9-07


ZERO

Women make me sick. Always shootin-off. Talk talk talk. Just like other women. Women make me sick. I called the cops on that girl in the window. Judge gave her six months. Wonder if she’ll come after me when she gets out?

ZERO Awwww, you’re all alike. Always shootin off. Talk talk talk. Women make me sick.

DAISY Just who do you think you are anyhow? Bossin’ me around. I don’t have to take it And I won’t go and take it anymore!



Scene 2b: You Thought Wrong

CHORUS Twenty five! Twenty five! Twenty five! (etc.) ZERO DAISY Women make me sick. I’m tellin’ you I’m sick. Extra! Extra! “Girl in the Window Slays Betrayer” Always pickin’ on me. “Jealous Wife Slays Rival” Never a kind word to me. I better be careful. Not even the time o’ day. You didn’t used to be like that! You useta look my way - What happened? Was it all the pretty girls? The pretty younger girls you see? Your face is gettin’ yeller. Mister Z what happened? Put some paint on it, yech! I wish I was dead. What happened? Is that what you want? Yeah, you might as well be dead!

DAISY Wait.

CHORUS cuts out. Suddenly, spoken to each other.

Whadja say?

ZERO I didn’t say nothin’.

DAISY I thought you did.

ZERO You thought wrong.

Deleted: You didn’t used to be like that!

Deleted: I’m scared to do it though.

Deleted: Now yer just another gal!



Scene 2c: Reverie ZERO DAISY A dollar sixty. A dollar fifty Two ninety. One sixty-two. Orchestra begins office underscore. “Girl takes mercury” What I do to you? “Ten-story death leap” I wonder if I could kill the wife? I wonder if I could get a gun? In bed some night. And end it fast. But gee I guess I wouldn’t have But gee I guess I wouldn’t have The nerve! The nerve! You useta like me. And then you’d notice. You really liked me. You’d feel so sorry. Maybe she’ll die soon. Maybe she’ll die soon. You useta tell me Lotsa things You said “I’m gonna Show them all!” Then I could do what I damn please Oh, boy! I wish she would die! Maybe I’d marry YOU! Maybe you’d marry ME!

CHORUS Women! Will deceive you say “I do” and then they don’t! Yet don’t believe a life without your wife Will ever make you happy! Stick to numbers! Twenty-five! (etc.)

Deleted: Women make me sick.¶

Deleted: Are the root of all the evil in the world

Deleted: And



DAISY Remember the picnic? That time, the store picnic? The year that your wife couldn’t come? You touched my hand – You brushed my knee – Remember that time? When the wife didn’t go? We sat all day Under them trees – What does it feel like? To really be kissed? The long ones in the movies – The ones right on the mouth – He puts his arms around her – Her head falls back, Her eyes close, Mouth wet – Head spins – It’s a daze – ZERO Miss Devore!

CHORUS cuts out.

DAISY Hm?

ZERO (pause) Miss Devore, slow up! What do you think I am, a machine?

DAISY What do you want, anyhow? First it’s too slow an’ then it’s too fast. I guess you don’t know what you want.

ZERO Never mind about that. Just you slow up.

DAISY I’m getting’ sick o’ this. I’m goin’ to ask to be transferred.

ZERO Today’s my 25th Anniversary at this company and they’re promotin’ me to the front office –

DAISY Says you!

ZERO Says me! So you do what you want!



DAISY Aw, keep quiet.



Scene 2d: Movin’ Up

ZERO CHORUS The boss he’s gotta remember ‘bout it bein’ twenty-five years. Twenty-five years I been here, And I know just what I’ll say. “I want to have a talk with you, Boss,” I’ll say, “you know the time has come” “Sit down,” he’ll say, “sit down and have a smoke –“ In numbers “No,” I’ll say, “I don’t need a cigar.” The mysteries of life can be revealed “What’s that?” he’ll say, “Well boss,” I’ll say, In numbers “Every time I feel like smokin’ Simplicity and truth are never far I take a nickel and put it in the sock Twenty-five! Oh yes I put it in the sock!” Twenty-five! (etc.) “Damn sensible!” he’ll say! “Boss,” I’ll say, “I’m ain’t quite satisfied.” “What’s wrong?” he’ll say. “Well,” I’ll say, “I need a future here. And addin’ figgers twenty-five more years ain’t it!” “Zero, I’m glad you pulled me aside. I’ve had my eye on you.” “Oh is that so?” I’ll say. “You’re a valuable man, Zero. And from right now your time down there is done. You’re movin’ out You’re movin’ up You’re movin’ on To the front office with me!” Steam whistle and CHORUS halts abruptly.

Deleted: “That’s a sensible guy!”¶

Deleted: “Is that so? Okay!”¶

Deleted: ZERO (spoken)¶G’night, Miss Devore.¶



Scene 2e: In Numbers

CHORUS In numbers!

ZERO (sung) The mysteries of life can be revealed

CHORUS In numbers

ZERO (sung) Simplicity and truth are never far In words I Find myself behind, can’t make the grade In words I get confused, it’s like I lost my mind! I dream in figgers in my head They’re on my side, they don’t ask Questions of me Demand of me The answers – The rest of the scene is spoken.

DAISY Good night, Mr. Zero.

ZERO Good night, Miss Devore. DAISY exits as the BOSS appears.

BOSS Oh – er – Mister – er –

ZERO Yes, sir. Do you want me, sir?

BOSS Yes.

ZERO Yes, sir. Of course, sir.

BOSS (lighting a cigar) Cigar?

ZERO Uh – I –

BOSS Corona Corona?

Formatted: Normal

Formatted: Font: (Default) Arial

Formatted: Normal

Formatted: Font: (Default) TimesNew Roman

Deleted: DAISY exits as the BOSS appears. ¶



ZERO

Gee, I – uh – ZERO takes a cigar, doesn’t light it.

BOSS Mister – er – er –

ZERO Zero.

BOSS Yes, Mr. Zero. I wanted to have a little talk with you.

ZERO Yes, sir, I been kinda expectin’ it.

BOSS Oh, have you?

ZERO Yes, sir.

BOSS How long have you been with us, Mister – er – Mister –

ZERO Zero.

BOSS Yes, Mr. Zero.

ZERO Twenty-five years today.

BOSS Twenty-five years! That’s a long time. ZERO Never missed a day.

BOSS And you’ve been doing the same work all the time?

ZERO Yes, sir. Right at the same desk.

BOSS Then, in that case, a change probably won’t be unwelcome to you.

ZERO No, sir, it won’t. And that’s the truth.

BOSS We’ve been planning a change in this department for some time. Deleted: production draft 2-9-07


ZERO

I kinda thought you had your eye on me.

BOSS You were right. The fact is that my efficiency team has recommended the installation of adding machines.

ZERO Addin’ machines?

BOSS Yes, you’ve probably seen them. A mechanical device that adds automatically.

ZERO Sure. I’ve seen them. Keys – and a handle that you pull.

BOSS That’s it. they do the work in half the time and a high-school girl can operate them. Now, of course, I’m sorry to lose an old and faithful employee –



Scene 2f: In Numbers (reprise)

ZERO Excuse me, but would you mind sayin’ that again? Office underscore returns.

BOSS I say, I’m sorry to lose an employee who’s been with me for so many years. But of course, in an organization like this, efficiency is the first consideration, profit is the ultimate goal, we must work for our investors or the engine of economics grinds to a swift halt. And we can’t have that, can we? You will of course draw your salary for the full month. We couldn’t do anything less with such a valued and loyal employee. And I’ll direct my secretary to give you an excellent letter of recommendation –

ZERO Wait a minute, boss. (Underscore halts) Let me get this right. You mean… you’re letting me go?

BOSS I’m sorry. (Music resumes)

CHORUS In words I find myself Behind, below the grade In words I’ve lost myself And to myself am blind. I dream in figures in my head I hide confide They ask no questions of me!

BOSS There is just no other alternative, you see? The engine of our economy is a strong one, that’s why we have unparalleled and unequaled strength in this great country, but sacrifices must be made… Sacrifices must be made to ensure our continued – We regret – Changes are in order – Always the hardest – Loyal employee – But see the opportunity – Opportunity – Efficiency – Opportunity – Business – Economy – Opportunity - Business – Truly regret – Time to move on – Business… Business… BUSINESS…

Deleted: Office underscore returns.¶



Blackout/segue to DAISY’s song.



Scene 3a: I’d Rather Watch You MRS. ZERO is sitting alone, drumming her fingers on the table. DAISY sings “I’d Rather Watch You”, which in reprise comes out of the radio next to MRS. ZERO. I don’t give a darn for the movies They bore me to tears can’t you see? And pictures that show Robin Hood with his bow? “No thank you, sir, not for me.” The truth is I’ve got a… confession. So go on, mister, court is in session! Valentino’s a chore Douglas Fairbanks – a bore! Only one thing to me makes a lasting impression Yes - Darling, I’d rather watch you. There’s nothing that I’d rather do. You’re so loveable- Sweet and huggable – A Dream! Could it ever come true? Darling, I’d much rather be Safe in your arms, a real-life fan-ta-sy Flickering lights Romance in the night A picture of love, you and me. Let the lights grow dark If you want them to I’ll be trapped in your glow! I’m a slave to you and your love-light! Darling, I’d much rather be Safe in your arms, a real-life fan-ta-sy Flickering lights Romance in the night A picture of love you and me. (RADIO VOICEOVER begins, alongside the refrain) Let the lights grow dark If you want them to I’ll be trapped in your glow! I’m a slave to you and your love-light! Darling, I’d much rather be Safe in your arms, a real-life fan-ta-sy Flickering lights Romance in the night A picture of love you and me.



Scene 3b: Nice A’ You To Come Home MR. ZERO enters and stands at the door. MRS. ZERO turns off the radio. MRS. ZERO (spoken except where italicized) Well, ain’t it nice a’ you to come home? You’re only an hour late and, no, that ain’t very much, cause the supper don’t get too cold in an hour, right? No, course not. And o’ course the part about our havin’ a lot o’ company tonight don’t matter much to you, does it? No, didn’t think so. The Ones are comin’. And the Twos are comin’. Didn’t I tell you to be home on time? I’ll tell the world, I might as well talk to a stone wall. I guess it was nice of you ta come home at all. (singing) You musta had important business, like watchin’ the scoreboard maybe? Or maybe the boss kept you late tonight tellin you what a big noise you are? Tell you how the store could never get along without you. For twenty-five years that place is alive thanks to you and your damn pencil. Tough life. Walk in. Hang up your hat and put on the feedbag. It’s a wonder you got time ta come home at all. (singing) I’ll bet he gave you a big raise, did he? Ha! Fat chance o’ you getting’ a raise. You’ll still be there addin’ figgers in the same job at the end of another twenty-five years… if you ain’t forgot how to add by that time. Next time don’t even bother to come home at all. (singing) Doorbell. Put on a clean collar - there’s red ink on your collar! You’d think after twenty-five years you’d learn how to do it without gettin’ ink on your collar.



Scene 3c: The Dinner Party She opens the door. See score for notation of the party scene ALL(except ZERO) Hey!!!! MRS. ZERO How-de-do? MR. ONE How-de-do? MRS. ZERO How-de-do? MRS. ONE How-de-do? ALL(except ZERO) Hey!!!! MRS. ZERO Mister Two! MR. TWO How-de-do! MRS. TWO Missus Zero! MRS. ZERO Missus Two! MRS. TWO/MRS. ZERO How-de-do! _____________________________________________________________________________ MRS. ZERO Well come on in don’t just stand there hangin’ about. Give your coats and your hats to the butler I mean...to my husband ALL (except ZERO) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (etc.) _____________________________________________________________________________ The men gather to one side, smoking cigars which MR. ZERO mechanically hands out. The women gather to another side. Both sides are instantly engaged in conversation. ONE Some rain we’re havin’. TWO Deleted: production draft 2-9-07


Oh I never saw the like. ONE Worst in fourteen years So the paper says. TWO Well I never saw the like. ONE Can’t always go By what the paper says, though TWO ONE Yes, that's true. Sure it is. TWO Still I never saw the like. MRS. ONE Well I for one went shopping! MRS. TWO I like them organdie dreses with a little lace trimmin’ on the sleeves. MRS. ONE Yeh, but plain can be lovely, the plainer the better, no lace and plain buttons – MRS. TWO Well I don’t think lace does a dress any harm – But lace makes it pretty, refined and quite pretty MRS. ONE Well I say when it comes to lace it’s just a matter of taste. _____________________________________________________________________________ MRS. TWO Mister One, did I see you last Thursday? The Rosebud, the movie-house, last Thursday night? ONE A pretty punk show, I’ll say. TWO They get worse all the time! MRS. TWO But who was the lady? Some charming sweet lady? Deleted: production draft 2-9-07


ONE TWO Don’t you go makin’ trouble! That dame was my sister. Ha! That dame was my sister. Ha, Ha! That dame was my- MRS. ONE/MRS. TWO That’s what they all say. That’s what they all say. MRS. ZERO Now now, never mind. I’m sure Mrs. One knows what’s what – MRS. ONE He can do what he likes But he better behave. TWO You’re in luck at that, One. Fat chance I got of getting’ away from the frau Even with my sister! MRS. ZERO You oughta be glad that you got a good wife Who loves you and keeps a good home! MRS. ONE/MRS. TWO That’s right, Missus Zero! That’s right, Missus Zero! MRS. TWO Hey’d you hear about the Sevens? MRS. ONE Are they gettin' a divorce? MRS. TWO That would be the second time for him! MRS. ONE Oh they're two of a kind! MRS. TWO One's as bad as the other! MRS. ONE Worse! They say that… The women's speaking degenerates into jabber. ___________________________________________________________________________ ONE (to ZERO) Hey’d you hear the one they’re tellin’ ‘bout the travelin’ salesman? TWO (to ZERO) Deleted: production draft 2-9-07


Yeah, there was this guy in a sleeper. ONE Goin' from Albany to San Fran... TWO And in the next berth was an Old Maid - ONE With a Wooden Leg! ONE/TWO Well long about midnight The men's speaking degenerates into jabber. It continues at a low volume underneath the women. MRS. TWO My aunt has gallstones. MRS. ONE My husband’s got bunions. And my niece-– MRS. TWO Who? Little Dotty? MRS.ONE - she’s got Saint Vitus’ dance. MRS. TWO My boy has fits. MRS. ONE My girl has lice. MRS. TWO His fever! MRS. ONE Her rashes! MRS. TWO His measles! MRS. ONE Her scratches! MRS. ONE The cough and - MRS. TWO The pox and - Deleted: production draft 2-9-07


MRS. ONE The hoof and – MRS. TWO The mouth and - They all degenerate into loud jabbering. Mrs. Zero interjects, each time raising or lowering the volume of the jabber until “Well we been happily married...” MRS. ZERO Didja hear the cops finally came and took away that floozie across the way? Useta walk around with hardly any clothes on? (They all jabber more softly) My husband couldn’t stop lookin’ at her! (The women jabber loudly) You better watch your husbands with women like that struttin’ around! (The men jabber loudly as the women huddle secretively) Six months in the slammer she got! (They all jabber quietly) As if my husband could get a girl to look at him, as if! (They all jabber loudly) Well we been happily married 25 years! Knock wood! ALL (except ZERO) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (etc) _____________________________________________________________________________ ONES & TWOS So many agitators! ONES & TWOS & MRS. ZERO All the damn foreigners! MRS. ONE The spics! ONE The dagos! TWO The polacks! MRS. TWO The sheenies! MRS. ONE The wops! ONE The chinks! TWO Deleted: production draft 2-9-07


The niggers! MRS. TWO The queers! (Continuing per score) ALL (except ZERO) My country ‘tis of thee! Sweet land of liberty! Of thee I sing! (Doorbell) _____________________________________________________________________________ MRS. ZERO Who could that be This time o’ night? ZERO It’s for me. It’s the police . He pulls out the bloody collar. MRS. ZERO What are the police doin’ here? I told you to put that away! Whadda they want with you? ZERO I gotta go with them. You’ll have to entertain our guests yourself. MRS. ZERO What the heck do you mean? What did you do???? Zero is pushed forward to extreme downstage, lit by a special, as if to open a door. He pauses in silence for a moment, then turns to the audience and declares… ZERO I killed the boss this afternoon. Seamless transition into Scene 4 and “I killed him”.



Scene 4: Zero’s Confession A courtroom.

ZERO Sure, I killed him! I killed him! Don’t let ‘em tell you no lies! I killed him! And I want you to get it right! All of you –

All of you – ZERO: All you lawyers CHORUS: Lawyers What the hell are they talkin’ about? Lawyers An’ don’t let them fill you full of that Bull ‘bout red ink- That Bull ‘bout red ink- It was Blood! Not red ink It was blood Straight through the heart! He Killed him I Killed him! In cold blood An’ I want you to get it right!

All of you, every One! Two! Three! Four! And five! One Two Three Six! Four Five Six Seven! Seven Eight Eight! Nine Ten Nine! Eleven (etc.) Ten! Eleven! That makes Twelve! That makes Twelve! Why all these figgers Inside my head?

I’ve figgered them out Often enough!

Six and Six makes Twelve And Five that’s Seventeen Zero! (etc.) Add Eight that’s Twenty-Five! That’s Twenty-Five years! Eight hours a day

Each day except Sundays One week’s vacation with pay. And one week without if you want!

Six and six makes twelve And five that’s seventeen Add Eight that’s twenty-five!



ZERO: That’s Twenty Five years! God damn these figgers CHORUS: Eight hours a day

Inside my head except Sundays I’ve figgered them out One weeks vacation

Often enough! with pay and one week without if you want!

But who wants one week If you want! With the wife yellin’ Where to get off! One Two Three Four And don’t forget New Years’ Labor Day

Fourth of July One Two Three Four

Thanksgivin’ and Christmas And if you’re a Jew You get Young Kipper And another one too, Them dirty Jews! They always get two! They always get two! For the other bird’s One! Two Three Four One Two Three Four And Five Six Seven Eight Five Six Seven Eight And Nine Ten Eleven Nine Ten Eleven (etc.) That makes Twelve! That makes Twelve! That makes Twelve! Answer yes I killed him! I killed him! Or no!

Straight through the heart with a billfile! Do you know the law? If he’d only shut up! Talkin’ and talkin’ Do you know what’s ‘bout “Ohhh how sorry he was!” right and wrong? Do you know the law? If he’d only shut up! Shut up! I shoulda said, Shut Up! Do you know the law? He didn’t think Things through I shoulda told him he should Shut Up! And he never had I shoulda said Shut Up! The nerve, the nerve

But there was that girl in the – Shut Up! I shoulda said, Shut Up! He didn’t think things through But there was that girl in the window.

Six months they gave her For walkin’ around with no clothes! For all men to see her straight through her window! Nothin’ else on! And I told the cops cause’

The wife wouldn’t leave me alone!

Women! Women are the root of They get away with murder! all the evil in the world! Deleted: production draft 2-9-07


CHORUS: If only he would have ZERO: I’ve seen lots of birds that I’d like to grab the nerve, the nerve his But I didn’t have the nerve life would be much I didn’t… different! Now those Lawyers

Oh! are the root of all the They get away with murder! evil in the world! If only he would have I ain’t done one bad thing not all of my life the nerve, the nerve his life would be much ‘Cause I didn’t have the nerve! different! Now it’s

But once in the subway! Over! All of a sudden, Over! A nigger stepped right on my foot! Lucky for him, I ain’t had no gun, Or a can of kerosene! Zero! And I would have told that nigger Just where to get off! But he didn’t have the

But there was nerve… One time last summer, One Two

I fired that pop bottle Three Strikes Yer Out! In a crowd at the Polo Grounds! One Two Three Strikes Yer Out! And ev’ryone was yellin’- Kill the Umpire Kill the Umpire Kill the Umpire Kill the Umpire Kill the Empire! Kill the Umpire Kill the Empire! Kill the…

He canned me! Eleven He canned me! Twenty-Five years on the job! Twenty five What would I tell my wife? Three Two I wonder if Miss Devore Knew that I had the nerve To kill him? One! I killed him! But I’m a regular guy Suppose you was me, What would you do?

I’m like anyone else.

What would you do? I’m like anyone else. What would you do? What would you do?

I killed him! Deleted: production draft 2-9-07


Scene 5a: In The Jail/Ham ‘n’ Eggs The scene is a jail. THE FIXER, dressed as a GUARD, is absentmindedly reading a paper. ZERO sits and eats a plate of ham and eggs, quite happy. A GUARD and a MATRON enter. GUARD (spoken) What’s with him? Don’t he know it’s his last meal? MATRON (spoken) Yeah. Ham and eggs. Coulda asked for anything in the world and this guy wants ham and eggs! MRS. ZERO appears, and GUARD stops her. GUARD (spoken) I’m sorry ma’am, but he isn’t allowed any visitors. Suicide watch. MRS. ZERO (spoken) Suicide watch? GUARD (spoken) Last night. You never know. MRS. ZERO (spoken) But I’m his - GUARD (spoken) He’s eatin’ his last meal… ZERO (spoken) Hey, is that the wife? Let her in… it’s my old gal comin’ to see me off. She ain’t gonna get a second chance, ya know. Music resumes. The GUARD lets in MRS. ZERO, and exits. MRS. ZERO I only wanted to see you again. Once more. ZERO Once more. I never thought that I’d see you again. Once more. MRS. ZERO Once more. MRS. ZERO (spoken) I brought ya somethin’. Guess. ZERO (spoken) Er – er – gee, search me.



MRS. ZERO (spoken) Somethin’ you like. She gives him a covered plate. He uncovers it. ZERO Ham and eggs! Ham and eggs! Oh boy my favorite! Ham and eggs! MRS. ZERO (spoken) I’m so glad – ! ZERO Ham and eggs! Just what I feel like Ham and eggs! He eats them ravenously. MRS. ZERO (spoken) Are they good? ZERO (spoken) They’re swell! MRS. ZERO Zero! Zero! I cried while I made ‘em. ZERO (spoken) Huh? MRS. ZERO Cookin’ and cryin’ – I just couldn’t help it, the thought made me cry. ZERO Maybe next year you’ll be Cookin and smilin’, Cookin’ and smilin’ for some other guy. You’ll be alright. MRS. ZERO (spoken) Yeah. (sung) Mrs. Seven. Mrs. Seven was sayin’ to me only yesterday, “Mrs. Zero,” says she. “Wearing black is so slimming, darling.” Says she! Deleted: production draft 2-9-07


“And I’ll find you a veil to wear with that pretty black dress.” So sweet and wholesome… So sweet and wholesome… So sweet and…” (she breaks off in tears) So lonely!



Scene 5b: Didn’t We? ZERO (spoken) Hey now, hey now. It’s not like we ever did much talkin’, did we? MRS. ZERO (spoken) I guess maybe I used t’bawl you out quite a lot, didn’t I? ZERO (spoken) Oh well – no use talkin’ about it now. (pause) I guess I gave you cause all right. MRS. ZERO (spoken) Well I got my faults too. ZERO (spoken) None of us are perfect. MRS. ZERO (sung) We had our good times though, Didn’t we? We had our highs long with the lows, Didn’t we? Those days at the beach – And that trip to the fair! And our nights at the movies… ZERO We had some good times though Didn’t we? Which times they was, it’s tough to know, Didn’t we? Didn’t we! That time that I clocked you – And it wasn’t on purpose! And you wouldn’t talk to me, not for a week! MRS. ZERO Or two! ZERO Or three! TOGETHER Didn’t we? ZERO Those things we shoulda did…

Deleted: ZERO (spoken)¶



MRS. ZERO Couldn’t we? ZERO Well, let’s have that ice cream, kid – MRS. ZERO Shouldn’t we? TOGETHER Shouldn’t we? The carousel is waiting – MRS. ZERO A picnic on Sunday – ZERO A ride to the country - MRS. ZERO That night at the opera! ZERO (confused) Wasn’t me - MRS. ZERO When I had pneumonia You brought me them roses! ZERO They cost me a fortune! TOGETHER But wasn’t they sweet? MRS. ZERO We had our good times though… Didn’t we? ZERO (spoken) Hey. MRS. ZERO (spoken) What? ZERO I been meanin’ to… aw, hell… never mind! Never mind! It’s all over now! Didn’t we? MRS. ZERO Didn’t we? TOGETHER Didn’t we? Deleted: production draft 2-9-07


Scene 5c: Miss Devore/I Was A Fool ZERO (underscored, spoken until “Well, I kinda…”) You’ll remember it all… you got that scrapbook of me, dontcha? MRS. ZERO Sure do. It starts with our wedding, and then tomorrow with the papers, after the – after the – ZERO Yeah. MRS. ZERO Then I’ll finish it. Leave it on the parlor table, right where everyone can see it. I ordered the papers already. ZERO Say, I been meanin’ to ask ya. Suppose you get sick or run over or somethin’ what’s gonna happen to that book? MRS. ZERO Well… I kinda thought I’d leave it to little Beatrice Elizabeth. ZERO Your sister’s kid? What’d she want with it? MRS. ZERO Well who do you want to have it then? ZERO (singing resumes) Well I kinda thought I’d like Miss Devore to have it. MRS. ZERO Miss Devore? ZERO Yeah, from down the store. Miss Devore. Miss Devore, Why shouldn’t she have it? I want her to have it! She’d take real good care - MRS. ZERO Miss Devore! Why should she? Oh! Wouldn’t you? Yeah wouldn’t you! What’s she to you, what gives you the right?



ZERO It’s my book – MRS. ZERO No it ain’t not no more Not after tomorrow… Mrs. Twelve. Mrs. Twelve was sayin’ to me, “Mrs. Zero!” Mrs. Twelve was sayin’ to me only yesterday – “Just ditch him!” ZERO (spoken) Aw, here we go! MRS. ZERO What’s goin’ on? Where do I fit in? ZERO (spoken) Aw, tie a can to that! MRS. ZERO What’s between you, Between you and Miss Devore? ZERO (spoken) I shoulda given it to her in the first place! That’s what I shoulda done! MRS. ZERO I was a fool A fool for marryin’ you… And after all I’ve done for you! I won’t stand for it! MR. ZERO I’d a married her if I met her first! MRS. ZERO I won’t stand for it! Now we’re through! MRS. ZERO exits.



Scene 5d: Shrdlu’s Gospel ZERO sits, sulks. Lights rise slightly reveal three other figures. One figure (FIXER) sits on a chair SL facing SR in dim lighting somewhere upstage, head bowed in boredom and/or disinterest. Two other figures (prisoners) sit each in respective holding cells, one barely scene further upstage (tenor - 2ND PRISONER), and one in closer proximity to Zero. This man is SHRDLU. SHRDLU (spoken) Fighting with the loved ones. It happens so frequently. It makes me rather sad. ZERO Who the hell are you? Whaddyou know about it? SHRDLU Take it easy, there, I’m just a fellow prisoner like yourself. And maybe, maybe a friend. ZERO Yeah, well, just leave it alone, will ya? (pause) Anyway, the wife and me, we ain’t never got along really. SHRDLU It’s just so tragic. Life is tragic. “Hell from beneath is moved for thee to meet thee at thy coming.” ZERO You ain’t much of an optimist, are ya? SHRDLU I believe in God, if that’s what you mean. (pause) Like you, this is my last night here on this earth. “The angels will separate the evil from the righteous, and throw them into the furnace of fire.” And then… (sung) Freedom! ZERO Freedom? SHRDLU (sung) 2ND PRISONER (echoing, he’s heard it before) Freedom! Freedom! The flames! The flames! The tortures! The tortures! Down to the bottom for me. I broke the law. And now I’m condemned. SHRDLU (spoken) Sorry - I didn't catch your name. (pause) I say I didn't catch your name. ZERO I heard you the first time. [Hesitantly] I'm scared if I tell you who I am an what I done... SHRDLU [interrupting] No matter what your sins may be, they are as snow compared to mine.

Deleted: Well, at least it will all be over soon.



ZERO You got another guess comin', I think. My name's Zero. I'm a murderer. SHRDLU Ah yes, you’re quite famous. ZERO So you still think you're worse than me, huh? SHRDLU Oh a thousand times worse, a million times worse. ZERO What did you do? SHRDLU I, too. am a murderer. ZERO Go on, you're kiddin' me! SHRDLU Every word I speak is the truth. I am the foulest, the most sinful of murderers. You only murdered your employer, Mr. Zero. But I – I murdered my mother. (he sobs) ZERO The hell you say! SHRDLU Yes, my mother! My beloved mother! “He who does not obey the Son shall see the wrath of God upon him” - ZERO Did she always treat you fair and square? SHRDLU She was a saint, I tell you, a saint! She cared for me and watched over me as only a mother can. From my infancy she devoted herself to putting me on the right path. She taught me to be thrifty, devout, unselfish, to shun evil companions, and to shut my eyes and ears to all temptations of the flesh… In short, to become a virtuous, respectable, and god-fearing man - (sung, bitterly) And what becomes of morality? (spoken - composure regained) It was hopeless task. Already at fourteen I began to show evidence of my sinful nature. ZERO You didn’t kill anyone else, did you? SHRDLU No! But once I ran away from home. ZERO

Deleted: The man who killed his employer in a fit of¶rage...

Deleted: ¶(sung)¶¶An eternity of suffering!¶

Deleted: , thank God, there is only one murder on my soul. But I



You did? SHRDLU Yes. A...companion... had lent me a profane book – the only profane book I will ever have read, I'm thankful to say. It was called Treasure Island. Have you ever read it? ZERO No, I never was much on readin’ books. SHRDLU It is a wicked, wicked book, a lurid tale of adventure. And reading it kindled in my sinful nature a desire to go to sea. Luckily, my mother's loving intuition warned her of my intention, and I was sent back home before ever glimpsing the shore. And - my mother, she welcomed me back with open arms. Not an angry word, not a look of reproach. A saint I tell you! And for thirteen years, I held a steady job. Eight hours a day, Six days a week. Every Sunday we’d go together to morning, afternoon, and evening service. We were so happy, my mother and I. (sings) An honest and moral mode of life. ZERO I’ll say. SHRDLU (spoken) We are sinners, Mr. Zero - you and me. And as sinners we deserve punishment. And punishment eventually will come, and when it comes, it will be horrible, and it will be just. That fatal Sunday. Dr. Amaranth, our minister, was having dinner with us – one of the few pure spirits left on this earth. (sung) 2ND PRISONER (joining in) We said grace, Had our soup! (slight pause - 2ND PRISONER refrains from further interjection and disappears from sight, reinforcing focus on ZERO and SHRDLU) And everything was going along as usual. Discussing the sermon, Just like every other Sunday I remember. Then came the leg of lamb – (he breaks off, about to lose control, regains it, and starts again) I see the whole scene so clearly: Dr. Amaranth on my right, My mother on my left, And before me, the leg of lamb. ZERO What happened? (spoken - excitedly and nervous, with musical underscore)

Deleted: So I ran away from home. (pause)¶

Deleted: sea

Deleted: (sings - quietly to himself) And what becomes of right and wrong?¶¶(a few beats of awkward silence)¶¶

ZERO¶So what did'ya do for a livin'?¶¶

SHRDLU¶Proofreader. Shoe catalogues.¶¶

ZERO¶Hey, that must a’ been a good job.¶¶

SHRDLU¶

Deleted: T

Deleted: . I had

Deleted: my

Deleted: And e



SHRDLU Well, I started to carve the lamb – it’s very difficult on account of the bone. And when there’s gravy in the dish there’s danger of spilling it. So Mother always used to hold the dish for me. She leaned forward, just as she always did, and I could see the gold locket around her neck. It held my picture in it and one of my baby curls. Well, I raised my knife to carve the leg of lamb and… instead… (musical underscore stops suddenly) I cut my mother’s throat! (he sobs) ZERO You must a’ been outta your mind! SHRDLU (vehement) No! Don’t try to justify it! I wasn’t crazy. Dr. Amaranth saw the truth – it was my sinful nature, and he told me what was in store for me! ZERO Hey, by tomorrow night it’ll… it’ll all be over. SHRDLU Over! Do you think this is the end? Don’t you know what awaits us? (SHRDLU sings. The vision is a perverse ecstasy for him) I now see things so clearly CHORUS He knows what awaits him! The flames! The flames! The tortures! The tortures! An Eternity of suffering! The suffering Just punishment for my unspeakable crime – Unspeakable crime – Unspeakable crime! ZERO You must ‘a been crazy when you did it – SHRDLU Zero! CHORUS When we stand in front of St. Peter Stand in front of St. Peter The angels will cower The angels will cower Our sentence - Eternal damnation – ZERO (spoken) CHORUS Don’t they say God’s mercy is…? He will writhe in the Well… somethin’ about God’s mercy. Fires of hell for Eternity SHRDLU (not listening) CHORUS It will be terrible – simply terrible! Terrible! otherwise – SHRDLU + CHORUS What becomes of justice? What becomes of morality?

Deleted: crazy

Deleted: I

Deleted: My



What becomes of right and wrong? (God is) He's righteous! Simply righteous! God’s grace won’t love a sinner… a sinner like you… a sinner like me – (The FIXER has reappeared, along with the GUARD. He motions towards ZERO. Through the rest of the scene, the jail setting is struck until ZERO and the FIXER are left alone) FIXER OK, Zero, it’s time to go. ZERO (the reality is dawning on him) No. No. It ain’t right. It ain’t fair. I ain’t gettin' a square deal here. FIXER They all say that. Tell me, Zero, why aren't you getting a square deal? ZERO Well, that addin’ machine. Was that a square deal after twenty-five years? FIXER Certainly, from any point of view, except a sentimental one. The machine is quicker. It never makes a mistake. It’s always on time. It presents no problems of housing, traffic congestion, water supply – ZERO But it costs somethin, don’t it? FIXER You’re right there. In one respect you have the advantage over the machine – the cost of manufacture. But we’ve learned over many years that the original cost is inconsequential compared to upkeep. It costs a lot to keep up all that delicate mechanism of eye and ear and hand and brain which you’ve never put to any use. So you’ve got to go.

Formatted: Font: Italic

Deleted: I think we’ll take care of him next.

Deleted: ZERO (quietly, to FIXER)¶Charlie! This guy over here, you know what he did?¶¶

FIXER¶Of course I do, Zero. I know what all o’ you did.¶¶

ZERO¶He’s talkin’ about burnin’ in hell and all, Charlie… do you believe in all that? All that ‘bout right and wrong?¶¶

FIXER¶Right and wrong don’t matter anymore, Zero. ¶¶

ZERO¶I dunno… if there ain’t no right and wrong… well then… what else is there, Charlie?¶¶

FIXER¶There’s life, Zero, and yours just ran out. ¶¶Time to get to your next destination.¶¶

ZERO (denying it, refusing to let go of hope)¶I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.¶¶

¶FIXER¶

Come on, Zero, I’m on a tight schedule here. (pause) I see. The end is in sight, and yet you still believe that some thunderbolt, some fiery bush will save you. But it’s no use Zero. You’re done for.¶



Scene 5e: Death March The FIXER whistles for the GUARD ZERO (the terror of what’s to come is growing in him) Hey! No, hey! Please! Gimme another chance! FIXER What would you do, Zero? (Music underscore begins - Scene 5e) Imagine what would happen if I could give you another chance… what would you do? ZERO I… I’d make up with the wife. Go out and look for a job I guess. FIXER Adding figures? ZERO Well I ain’t young enough to take up somethin’ new! FIXER (brief consideration, followed by the snap of his fingers) Put the skids under him, and make it snappy! The FIXER and GUARD begin wrestle the struggling ZERO offstage. ZERO (agitated, pathetically) No! No! Don't take me away! Don't kill me! Gimme a chance! Gimme another chance! I DON'T WANNA DIE! HELP! I DON'T WANNA DIE! I DON'T WANNA DIE! I WANT TO LIVE! I WANT TO LIVE! I WANT TO...(etc) As the chaotic fight ensues, stage darkens and we hear the sound of an execution. Sound upstage gradually fades as if to the distance. The FIXER reveals a space magically transformed in color and texture. It is the Elysian Fields. Revealed are also the dimly-lit shadowy figures of the chorus upstage.



Scene 6a: A Pleasant Place Transition The execution over, we arrive in the Elysian Fields, a “pleasant place”. ZERO is discovered, or is wandering, or wanders onstage.

CHORUS Zero! Zero! Zero! ZERO Hello? CHORUS Zero! ZERO Where am I? CHORUS Zero! The burden of life Lies behind you… ZERO Is anybody there? CHORUS Zero! The burden of life Lies behind you… Behind you! ZERO CHORUS I was wond’rin – Zero Wond’rin what it be like Here… Zero Now that I’m here I’m still wond’rin -



Scene 6b/part 1: Shrdlu’s Blues (Reprise) SHRDLU Zero! Zero! ZERO (spoken, surprised) Hey, pal. I wasn’t expectin’ to see you! (pause) This sure is a nice place. Whadda they call it, anyhow? SHRDLU/CHORUS The Elysian Fields. SHRDLU Where only the most favored remain… They told me: remain here Remain here until I might understand. ZERO (spoken) Understand what? SHRDLU (spoken) I don’t know! ZERO (spoken) I was expectin’… Expectin’ you’d be burnin’ in hell… by now? Ain’t they called you out for killin’ your mother? SHRDLU Zero! Zero! I am the most unhappy of men! ZERO (spoken) Why? SHRDLU I once saw things so clearly The flames! The tortures! An Eternity of suffering! Just punishment for my unspeakable crime- Unspeakable crime- ZERO (spoken) Why? ‘Cause you ain’t being burned alive? SHRDLU I searched for my mother To ask her forgiveness To help me to understand ZERO (pause, spoken)

Deleted: SHRDLU¶The Elysian Fields.¶¶

ZERO (spoken)¶The which?¶¶

Deleted: that I



You mean – she ain’t here? SHRDLU No! CHORUS ZERO It’s terrible – simply terrible! Terrible! Terrible! Things turned out so differently Terrible! Terrible! What becomes of justice? What becomes and what becomes and It’s terrible! What becomes of morality? What becomes and what becomes and Terrible! What becomes of right and wrong? What becomes and what becomes - It’s maddening – Simply maddening! Maddening! Nothing is turning out as I expected! Nothing turning hmm- The CHORUS begins taking SHRDLU away, absorbing him into the Elysian Fields.




Scene 6b/part 2: Daisy in the Distance

DAISY (in the distance, singing) Mr. Zero! Mr. Zero! SHRDLU (spoken) Listen! Do you hear music? ZERO (pause, then spoken) No, I don’t hear nuthin’. SHRDLU (spoken) They say the music never stops here. DAISY (singing, still in the distance) SHRDLU (spoken) Mr. Zero! Listen! Mr. Zero! ZERO (spoken) Quiet! I think someone’s callin’ me! CHORUS Zero! The burden of life Lies behind you… Behind you… And SHRDLU is gone as DAISY arrives.




Scene 6b/part 2: Daisy Appears DAISY (appearing) Oh I never thought I’d catch up to you! I’ve been runnin’ behind you for days. Callin’ and callin’ Callin’ your name – did ya hear me? ZERO (spoken) No, I didn’t hear nuthin’. Miss Devore – what are you doin’ here? DAISY (spoken) You don’t mind if I sit and take a rest, do you? I can hardly catch my breath! (pause) This sure is a nice place! ZERO (spoken) Miss Devore – what happened to ya? I mean, how’d you conk out? DAISY Well – After you’d passed A couple of days gone by I blew out the gas in my kitchen!

ZERO (spoken) Daisy! Miss Devore! How could you be so stupid? DAISY (spoken) It was accidental – Accidental! (sung) ZERO (spoken) I’ll bet you’re sorry you did it now, ain’tcha? DAISY (spoken) No, I ain’t sorry – not one bit! (pause) Mr. Zero, I been thinkin’…? ZERO (spoken) What? DAISY (spoken) I been thinkin’ – it would be kinda nice… if we could talk things over…

ZERO (spoken) What is it you wanna talk about? DAISY (spoken) It sure is a nice place, ain’t it?

Deleted: pointing at SHRDLU) Who’s that?¶¶

ZERO (spoken)¶Oh, he’s a friend!¶¶

DAISY (spoken)¶

Deleted: ZERO (interested, spoken)¶Sure, sure. Hey pal, why don’t you go take another look for you mother?¶¶SHRDLU (spoken)¶Why, that’s an excellent idea.¶He exits.¶



ZERO (spoken) Sure is! DAISY (spoken) Look at the flowers! Ain’t they just perfect! Why, you’d think they was artificial, wouldn’t you? ZERO (spoken) Yeh, you would! DAISY (spoken) I’m crazy about the country, ain’t you? ZERO (spoken) Yeh, it’s nice for a change. DAISY (spoken) Them store picnics, remember? ZERO (spoken) You bet! They sure was fun.

DAISY (spoken) One time – I guess you don’t remember – the two of us – me and you – we sat down on the grass together under a tree – just like we’re doin’ now. ZERO (spoken) Sure I remember! DAISY (spoken) Go on! I bet you don’t! ZERO (spoken) I’ll bet I do! That’s the year the wife wouldn’t go. DAISY (spoken) That’s right! I didn’t think you’d remember. ZERO (spoken) And comin’ home, we sat together in the truck. DAISY (spoken) Mr. Zero – there’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you… ZERO (spoken) Well, what’s been stoppin’ you? DAISY (spoken) Well, I don’t know… but I’m gonna ask you now! ZERO (spoken) Go ahead. Shoot.

Deleted: ¶¶



Scene 6c: Daisy’s Confession DAISY Well – What I wanted Wanted to ask you… ZERO (spoken) What? DAISY Well- While we was ridin’ Ridin' back home -

You put your arm Up on the bench behind me

An’ I could feel your knee kinda pressin’ 'gainst mine ZERO Yeh – well, I remember… What about it? DAISY Well- What I wanted - Wanted to ask you -

Was it just kinda accidental? ZERO Yeh – well, accidental… Accidental on purpose! DAISY (spoken) Do you mean it? ZERO (spoken) Sure I mean it… You mean you didn’t know? DAISY I thought if you meant it You’d move up closer But then you took your arm away. I know it would ‘a’ been wrong. But I wasn’t thinkin’ ‘bout right an’ wrong at all. Cause’ I was wishin’ that you’d put your arm around me Just sittin’ there wishin’ all the way home. All the way home.



ZERO DAISY I felt like kissin’ you Wishin bout nobody else but you… But I didn’t have the nerve, the nerve- Wishin bout nobody else bout you… I thought of kissin you - Wishin bout nobody else bout you…

DAISY An’ I would’a let you All you wanted An’ I ain’t had the nerve to tell you before. I know it would ‘a’ been wrong. But I wasn’t thinkin’ ‘bout right an’ wrong at all. ZERO But I didn’t think you cared nothin’ about me…. DAISY I never cared nothin’ ‘for nobody else But you. ZERO Oh Daisy! If I only knew… (spoken) An’ me bawlin’ you out DAISY (spoken Them was the times I… I’d think I didn’t wanna go on livin’… ZERO Daisy – There’s something else I wanted to ask you. DAISY (spoken) What? ZERO Well- When you told me - Told me you blew out the gas

Was it just kinda accidental? DAISY Accidental on purpose! ZERO (spoken) Daisy, how could you! What were you thinkin’? Didn’t you know killin’ yourself was wrong? (pause) DAISY ZERO I didn’t have nothin’ To live for with you gone Why would I want to go on livin’ for? Daisy, how could you? Deleted: production draft 2-9-07


I know what I did was wrong. What were you thinkin? But I wasn’t thinkin’ ‘bout right an’ wrong at all. How could I have known?

DAISY: Cause’ I was thinkin’ of you ZERO: I didn’t think you cared nothin’ about me… DAISY Thinkin’ of you ZERO: I didn’t think you cared nothin’ at all…

DAISY An’ I made up my mind If I ever saw you again I’d ask you… ZERO What? DAISY Kiss me! (ZERO kisses DAISY on the cheek) DAISY No! Not like that – For real. Kiss me for real. I ain’t never been kissed for real before! (Zero kisses Daisy on the lips. A long embrace ensues in silence.)



Scene 6d: Feel Like Dancin’ DAISY (spoken) Listen! Do you hear music? ZERO (spoken) No, I don’t hear nuthin’. DAISY (spoken) Wait – Listen and you’ll hear music… ZERO (spoken) Music? I hear nothing. I hear… music! The orchestra is revealed (or a much grander version of the radio from Scene 3 returns). 1001 strings version of “I’d Rather Watch You” ensues… DAISY and ZERO begin to dance. The CHORUS returns, with SHRDLU in tow. He’s become one of them. DAISY Darling, I’d rather watch you. ZERO There’s nothing that I’d rather do. DAISY You’re so loveable – ZERO Sweet and huggable – DAISY/ZERO A dream, could it ever come true? CHORUS/SHRDLU Darling, I’d much rather be. Safe in your arms, a real life fantasy. Flickering lights, Romance in the night, A picture of love, you and me!


Formatted: Tabs: 3", Centered +Not at 1.5"

Formatted: Font: Not Italic


Scene 6e: The Flinch The orchestra continues; the CHORUS and SHRDLU dance. DAISY and ZERO are trying to dance and kiss at the same time; they’re not so good at it, floundering a bit, getting hot and bothered, but it’s anything but Hollywood-romantic. Becoming frustrated, ZERO breaks it off as the music continues beneath. ZERO (spoken) Wait a minute! I’m all winded. Before he can turn away, she throws her arms about him and presses her lips to his. Freeing himself. ZERO (spoken) I’ll tell the world my dogs are barkin’. I ain’t used to dancin’ that way. He sits down. She sits next to him, very close, stroking his hair, etc. DAISY (spoken) It was swell, wasn’t it? Imagine if we could stay here all the time – you an’ me together – wouldn’t it be swell? ZERO (spoken) Yeh, but there ain’t a chance. This place is only for the good ones. DAISY (spoken) Well, we ain’t so bad, are we? ZERO (spoken) Go on! Me a murderer an’ you comittin’ suicide? Anyway, they wouldn’t stand for this – the way we been goin’ on. DAISY (spoken) I don’t see why. ZERO (spoken) You don’t! You know it ain’t right. Ain’t I got a wife? DAISY (spoken) Not any more you ain’t. “Til death do us part,” don’tcha remember? SHRDLU An eternity of suffering! DAISY and ZERO are suddenly aware of SHRDLU. (spoken) I’m sorry to interrupt. DAISY is surprised; ZERO nearly jumps out of his skin with embarrassment. ZERO (spoken) Hey pal, where’d you come from. We was just sittin’ here… talkin’… ‘bout the store, business, you know.

Deleted: ¶SHRDLU is returning, unseen by DAISY and ZERO¶

Deleted: (spoken)

Deleted: I

Deleted: hope I haven’t returned too soon.

Deleted: No, w



DAISY (sung, trying to recapture the mood) And how we was wishin’, How we was hopin’ to Stay here forever… SHRDLU (spoken) You may if you like. ZERO/DAISY (spoken) What? SHRDLU (spoken) Anyone who likes may remain, even the basest of sinners. ZERO (spoken) But I thought you were tellin’ me – SHRDLU (spoken) Just as I told you, only the most favored do remain. But anyone may. ZERO (spoken) It ain’t possible. I’m married to somebody else! DAISY (spoken) No you ain’t! ZERO (spoken) You know what I mean - ! SHRDLU (spoken) They don’t care. There are many here who aren’t married. CHORUS (underscore, repeat, through end of SHRDLU’s long line) Don’t you go startin’ nothin’ with women. ZERO (spoken) I don’t know about this place. DAISY (spoken, getting anxious) As long as we got each other - ZERO (spoken) Yeh, but we don’t wanna mix with people that ain’t respectable!



SHRDLU (spoken, dancing again with the CHORUS) There’s no avoiding it, Mr. Zero. All these people here are so wondrous, unlike all the people I’ve known. They seem to think of nothing but enjoyment or of spending their time in profitless occupations! Some paint pictures from morning until night, or carve blocks of stone. Still others do nothing but lie under the trees and look at the sky. There are men who spend all their time reading books and women who think only of adorning themselves. Forever laughing and singing and drinking and dancing… (sung) What becomes of morality? What becomes of right and wrong?

CHORUS (sung) Don’t you go start Nuthin’ With women 25… 25… 25… Etc.

DAISY (sung) Thinkin’ of you… Only thinkin’ of you… Etc. MRS. ZERO (off) Mrs. Twelve… Mrs. Twelve was sayin’ to me, Mrs. Zero…!

ZERO (beginning to put himself together to leave, spoken. All the music and singing ceases) That’s enough. I heard enough. DAISY (spoken) What are you goin’ to do? ZERO (spoken) I’m gonna beat it! This place, it ain’t right! Don’t tell me you wanna stay here with a lotta lowlifes and bums… and sinners? DAISY (spoken) We don’t have to bother with them! ZERO (spoken) Didn’t ya hear me say I’m goin? (pause; he looks at SHRDLU) Goodbye, Miss Devore. I’m gonna beat it. DAISY (spoken) Where are you going? Pause. He is gone. She is utterly deflated. I might as well be alive!



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Deleted: ¶

Deleted: drunks, thieves and vagabonds, adulterers and whores and –

Deleted: strange

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Deleted: wasting

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Deleted: ¶¶



Scene 7a: In Numbers (reprise) The stage plunges in to Darkness. We hear the sound of an amplified/processed adding machine. This sound crossfades into the sound of real adding machine onstage operated by ZERO. He is in a small room with a chair and desk, punching away, pulling the lever, happy as can be, and the adding machine paper billows out and surrounds him, climbing the walls of this very small room. He sings. ZERO Freedom! Freedom! I don’t hear them voices! Them voices all runnin’ around inside my head! I’m free! No birds and no bosses here tellin’ me I oughta be – Hang ‘em all! I’m free! I’m sittin’ here pretty. Ain’t no one here yakkin’ or yellin’ at me! Freedom! And look! I ain’t missed one day! Not one hour! Not one minute and Look at all what I done! Freedom! Freedom! The sound of a door opening, and lights rise on THE FIXER at the door. His name is CHARLES. If before he was dressed in costume appropriate to a prison with a Panama Hat, he is now dressed for the world of factory work. He is still wearing the Panama Hat. CHARLES Zero. Zero. ZERO Gimme a minute. CHARLES Zero. It’s time. ZERO (stops) I… hey…! I think I – [know you] CHARLES Yes. You know me. You should by now. ZERO (pause, then indicating the machine) Hey, have you seen this …? I gotta… hey, gimme a number! Gimme a bunch o’ numbers!

Deleted: The CHORUS sings IN NUMBERS accompanied by

Deleted: ¶CHORUS¶

In Numbers¶The Mysteries of Life will be revealed¶In Numbers¶Simplicity and Truth are never far.¶In Numbers¶¶



CHARLES I beg your pardon? ZERO Name a number! CHARLES Zero? ZERO Come on! Real numbers! CHARLES 13. ZERO (he types “13” into the machine) OK, another. CHARLES 7. ZERO (typing, etc.) And…? CHARLES 3. 5. 7. 9. 11. 13. More - ? ZERO 70! Didja see that? Look at that! All those years usin’ my head when I shoulda been usin’ my fingers! CHARLES How amusing. Zero. ZERO Yeah, I made a joke. (short pause) Let’s go again. CHARLES Zero, it’s time to go. ZERO Where? CHARLES It’s time for you to go back. (a blank stare from ZERO) You didn’t think you were going to stay here forever, did you? ZERO I was hopin’ to. After all, I did my bit, didn’t I? Forty-five years of it. Twenty five years in the store. Then the boss canned me and I knocked him cold. I guess you ain’t heard about that – CHARLES I know all about that. Do you think they’re going to all the trouble of making a soul just to use it once? Why man, they use a soul over and over again – over and over until it’s worn out. ZERO (pause, he considers this) Nobody ever told me that. How was I to know?

Deleted: ¶¶

ZERO¶Where?¶¶

CHARLES¶Think Genesis.



CHARLES Use your brains! Where would we put them all? We’re crowded enough as it is. Why, this place is nothing but a kind of repair and service station – a cosmic laundry you might say. We get souls in here by the bushel, clean them up – and you should see some of them: muck and slime, full of holes… but we fix them up, disinfect them, and then they go back. That’s what we’ve been doing all this time while you’ve been at that machine – wash, rinse, dry, scrub, wash, rinse, dry… your soul was an awful mess! ZERO You mean to say I’ve been here before? CHARLES Thousands of times! ZERO How is it I don’t remember nothin’ about it? CHARLES Well – that’s partly because you’re stupid. But it’s mostly because that’s the way we fix it. But some do remember – there’s the type that gets a little better each time it goes back – we just give them a wash and send them right through. But then there’s the ones like you… You wouldn’t believe how filthy and rotten - ZERO You mean to say I’m gettin’ worse all the time? ‘Cause I can’t remember? CHARLES Yes. A little worse each time. I always hoped you might turn it around… just a few lifetimes ago I thought you were going to make something of yourself. When was that? 500 years ago I think? Maybe six - ? Stable boy. Earl’s daughter. Didn’t have the nerve. ZERO Wait. If it’s all been downhill, what was I when I started? A king or somethin’? CHARLES You were a monkey. A hairy, chattering, long-tailed monkey. But you weren’t so bad then – same as everyone else. And you did just what all the other monkeys did, but at least you got some exercise. And there was this one little red-headed chimp – well, never mind. Yes sir, you weren’t so bad, but even on that first go-round there was a bigger, smarter monkey you kowtowed to… the mark of the slave was on you from the very start. ZERO You ain’t very particular about what you call people, are you? CHARLES If there was ever a soul in the world labeled “slave”, it’s yours. All the bosses and kings that there ever were have left their mark on your backside. Ever hear of the pyramids? ZERO Them big pointy things? CHARLES That’s right, 6000 years ago in Africa – you helped build them. It was a long step down from those happy days in the jungle, but it was a good job, other than the master’s whip… 2000 years ago you

Deleted: ¶¶

ZERO¶A monkey! That musta been a long time ago!¶¶

CHARLES¶Oh, not so long. A million years maybe? Seems like yesterday to me.

Deleted: Y

Deleted: in those days



were a Roman galley slave… again with the whip. A thousand years ago, you dug potatoes for the lord of the manor… again with the whip - ZERO Well I’m done with that! I ain’t never had a square deal, and all them lives gotta add up to somethin’! So I’m not goin’ back! Gimme some more numbers, I’ll show ya! CHARLES You’ve already been in this room for 25 years, Zero, it’s time to – ZERO (typing) 25! OK, gimme another! (he is insistent, almost threatening in his fear) CHARLES 25. ZERO OK, another. CHARLES 25. ZERO TOO EASY. Another! CHARLES 25. ZERO I COULD DO THIS IN MY HEAD! CHARLES 25. 25. 25. 25. (CHORUS begins sotto voce “25… 25…” which continues through the rest of the scene except during the recycling, and at the end of the play as indicated) 25. 25. 25. 25. 25. 25. 25. 25. 25 - ZERO STOP!

Deleted: You wore an iron collar then – white ones hadn’t been invented yet. But at least you had some muscles then, though you still never used that organ up in your noggin… and you dug potatoes, but it was never enough for the lord of the manor… and again the whip –



Scene 7b: The Music Of The Machine CHARLES snaps his fingers and the room and adding machine vanish. The recycling machine is revealed. The CHORUS is discovered in a line, facing outward, ready to go into the machine. CHARLES pulls his lever, and the following occurs: A sandblasting sound is heard. The chorus member closest to the machine turns towards it and begins slowly walking towards it, mindlessly unaware, as if on a conveyor belt, while the remaining CHORUS sing. CHORUS Numbers are the Root of what lies Secret in the world. And we must all Believe Believe Our lives will all Add up to something in the End. The CHORUS member to be recycled is now at the entry to the machine, and enters. The sound of grinding as the soul is recycled (strain on the machine, as in a garbage disposal) after which the task is complete, and a “ding” signals that the machine is ready to receive the next soul. The recycled CHORUS member then rejoins the CHORUS line. The CHORUS continues to chant “25”. ZERO What the heck is that? CHARLES The biggest machine of them all. Been around since Adam and Eve. Maybe before, but even I’m not that old. And still in perfect operational condition. Step on. ZERO (trying to get away) N-n-n-no. No. I’m not goin’ on that. I’m not goin’ back there! CHARLES Oh, sure you are. You’ll be a baby again – a bald, redfaced little animal at first… and then you’ll learn a few things… mostly all the wrong things, and you’ll learn them all the wrong way. You’ll eat the wrong food and wear the wrong clothes, and you’ll live in anonymity, and the world just beyond your reach will be the sunlight, and you won’t yet know you’re relegated to the darkness. And when you’ve been properly conditioned – to believe that anything is possible, which couldn’t be farther from the truth – you’ll take a job. ZERO Another addin’ machine? CHARLES Yes. But not one of these antiquated machines. It will be much more elegant, like this one. He pulls the lever, and a soul is recycled. CHORUS

Deleted: And when you’ve been properly conditioned – to believe that anything is possible, which couldn’t be farther from the truth – you’ll take a job. ¶



Numbers are the Root of what lies Secret in the world. And we must all Believe Believe Our lives will all Add up to something in the end. CHARLES Yes, Zero, your new machine will be a super-hyper-adding machine, as far from this old piece of junk as you are from the stars you see in the pictures – or God, take your pick. Even I can’t imagine the power, the intricacy, the complexity of that new machine - ZERO Well then – I ain’t so bad after all! CHARLES You’re a failure, Zero, a failure! You’ve done nothing to better anyone’s life, including yours. Why can’t you surprise me? You’re just a slave to a contraption of steel and iron. The animal’s instincts, but not his strength or skill. The animal’s appetites, but not his unashamed indulgence of them. You spineless idiot – I pity you! ZERO Then keep me here! CHARLES You chose the machine, Zero! Every time! So it chose you! ZERO I won’t - ! Another soul appears, ready to be sandblasted. It is revealed to be DAISY. ZERO DAISY! Conveyor belt is heard as DAISY is shuttled toward the Recycling apparatus. CHORUS Numbers are the Root of what lies Secret in the world. And we must all Believe Believe Our lives will all Add up to something in the CHARLES Go on, Zero. She’s waiting. She’s waiting for you. ZERO DAISY! WAIT FOR ME!

Deleted: A machine just like this one.¶¶He recycles another soul.¶

CHORUS¶Numbers are the ¶Root of what lies¶Secret in the world.¶¶And we must all ¶Believe Believe¶Our lives will all¶Add up to something in the¶End.

Deleted: And


Adding Machine - Lib

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