ADDING LIFE TO A FICTIONAL WORLD

Basics of Dialogue

Agenda

Power of Dialogue to “Show”Illusion of RealityDialogue ConventionStage DirectionsPersonality and SubtextBad Dialogue and Dialect

ADD LIFE IN THE WHITE SPACE

Dialogue to “Show”

Dialogue to “Show”

Everything that isn’t narration = dialogue External, internal, monologue, etc.

Dialogue is zippy, quick Adds momentum and “cleanses” between narration

Think of the “perfect date” Dialogue is a give-and-take No one pushes, no one prods

Summary v. Dialogue Summary good for relaying information quickly Scene (aka dialogue) is best to “show”

action/characterization Reserve dialogue for key scenes and events

Summary v. Scene

As the doctor explained that the baby had

a tumor, the baby practiced his new pastime by

switching the light on and off, on and off,

increasing the Mother’s nervousness and fear.

When the doctor pronounced the words Wilm’s

tumor, the room went dark.

Summary v. Scene

The baby wants to get up and play with the light switch. He fidgets, fusses, and points.

“He’s big on lights these days,” explains the Mother.“That’s okay,” says the surgeon, nodding towards the

light switch. “Let him play with it.” The Mother goes and stands by it, and the Baby begins turning the lights off and on, off and on.

“What we have here is a Wilm’s tumor,” says the Surgeon, suddenly plunged into darkness. He says “tumor” as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

“Wilms?” repeats the Mother. The room is quickly on fire again with light, then wiped dark again. Among the three of them here, there is a long silence, as if it were suddenly the middle of the night. “Is that apostrophe s or s apostrophe?”

REAL-LIFE MAKES TERRIBLE FICTION

Illusion of Reality

Illusion of Reality

Everybody talks. But not dialogue talks. Dialogue used to be theatrical .Real-life conversation is

difficult to pull off.Example:

Upon spying the Grand Canyon for the first time, Jeannie-Lynn and Billy-Joe exclaimed, “What a splendid vista!”

“See?” Their mother pointed. “The scrub brush creates a harmonious palate of green-tinted lushness in the vastness of the canyon.”

“I’ll have to relate this to my fourth-grade class!” Jeannie-Lynn said.

Illusion of Reality

Everybody talks. But not dialogue talks. Real-life conversation is difficult to pull off.

Better dialogue:When they finally reached the the edge of the

Grand Canyon, Jeannie-Lynn and Billy-Joe opened their eyes wide in amazement. “Wow,” said Billy-Joe.

“That’s so awesome,” Jeannie-Lynn whispered.“See the scrub brush like we saw in Grandma’s

backyard?” Their mother pointed. The children nodded.

“I’m going to talk about this in show-and-tell,” Jeannie-Lynn said. “Can we take a picture?”

Illusion of Reality

Real-life dialogue isn’t actually real-life Fictional dialogue needs impact, focus, and relevance

Example:“Hey. Um, hey.”“Oh, hey.”“Hey, Dana, It’s Gina.”“Oh, hi. Wait, can you hold on? Okay, hi.”“Hey. What’s up?”“Good. I mean, nothing. How’re you doing?”“Good. Where are you?”“On my cell.”“I mean, where.”“Oh, on my way after work, like, in the street.”“Yeah?”“Um, yeah.”

Illusion of Reality

Real-life dialogue isn’t actually real-life Fictional dialogue needs impact, focus, and relevance

Better example:“Hey Dana, it’s Gina.”“Hi. Was I supposed to call you?”“Yeah, it’s Wednesday. Are you still up for

seeing a movie?”“I have to wait to see what Matt is doing.”

Illusion of Reality: Your Turn

Recall a dialogue exchange you had in the past few days. Do your best to write it down being faithful to what was actually said. Don’t airbrush out the boring parts or make the dialogue snappy. Pretend you’re transcribing from a recording. Just put each character’s name next to the dialogue.

Rewrite the dialogue to make it concise and dramatically interesting. Fictionalize the names, and feel free to embellish.

PUNCTUATION MEANS SOMETHING!

Conventions of Dialogue

Dialogue Convention

Traditionally, begins and ends with double quotes “Dude, you seen my left shoe?”

One paragraph per speaker, no matter length“Hot enough for you, mate?” I asked the guard.“Shut up,” he said.“Okay, okay.” I sat back down on the wooden bench.

Narrative tags? Used “said” Asked, replied…okay. Other words have “trampoline”

effect.

Dialogue Convention

Attribution should be appropriately placed “I don’t,” she said, “love you anymore.” “I don’t love you anymore,” she said.

Don’t always need tags to attribute Say another character’s name

“Hey, Pete, you got a light?” Add action with the dialogue

“I don’t think I believe in God.” Bert put down his coffee cup to stare out the window.

Or a thought “Get me a half-pound of that salami.” Marsha wondered if

she’d been a little harsh. “Please,” she added.

Stage Directions

Adding physical action in dialogue adds life Non-verbal gestures sometimes say more than words

Stage directions avoid “floating heads” Mention sitting or standing, driving a car or sipping

coffeeLet’s take a look at an excellent example:

Stage Directions

He was running over the tiled floor of the operating room with a mop. “Are you still doing that?” I said.

“Jesus, there’s a lot of blood here,” he complained.“Where?” The floor looked clean enough to me.“What the hell were they doing in here?” he asked me.“They were performing surgery, Georgie,” I told him.“There’s so much goop inside of us, man,” he said, “and

it all wants to get out.” He leaned his mop against a cabinet.“What are you crying for?” I didn’t understand.“He stood still, raised both arms slowly behind his head,

and tightened his ponytail. The he grabbed the mop and started making broad random arcs with it, trembling and weeping and moving all around the place really fast. “What am I crying for?” he said. “Jesus. Wow, oh boy, perfect.”

Stage Directions: Your Turn

Take the second version of the dialogue exchange you did in the last exercise.

Using the same dialogue, rewrite the exchange, this time adding tags and stage directions.

Hint: it may help if one or both of the characters are engaged in a physical actions.

THE RELATIONSHIP AND SETTINGSOMETIMES SAY MORE THAN WORDS

Personality & Subtext

Personality & Subtext

Speech is one of a person’s most telling traitsEveryone’s speech is unique, dialogue should

be too “I am emotionally attracted to Ms. Mason. She has a

Machiavellian ferocity that begs to be challenged.”When thinking about speech, think about:

Are the formal or informal typically? Are they well-educated? Do they have any common or frequent “pet” phrases?

Gatsby’s “old sport” Are they from a specific geographic location?

Personality & Subtext

Example from “The Accountant”:

Willie Mays said, “Shoot, you hit the ball, brother.”I ventured, “Shoot, yes.”Willie Mays said, “You creamed that sucker.”I said, “Say, I bet they sock you at tax time.”

Personality & Subtext

Sometimes, what’s not stated is stronger than what is Subtext is the connotation of spoken phrases

Capitalize on miscommunication, sarcasm, and juxtaposition Example from The Great Gatsby:“They’re such beautiful shirts,” she sobbed, her voice muffled in the thick folds. “It makes me sad because I’ve never seen such—such beautiful shirts before.”

A Yiddish proverb says, “A man hears one word but understands two.” Good rule for dialogue.

Personality & Subtext: Your Turn

Envision a husband and wife or any other kind of romantic pair. Give them names and think about who they are. One of these characters suspects the other of being unfaithful (in some way), and let’s say the other character (in some way) is guilty.

Write a dialogue exchange between them where the sore topic is never referred to directly but simmers under the surface.

Don’t enter the thoughts of either character. And keep the whole conversation on tuna steak, which they are having for dinner.

WHEN GOOD IDEAS GO BAD

Bad Dialogue & Dialect

Bad Dialogue & Dialect

Bad dialogue feels contrived, fake Like the author is too “present” as a puppeteer

Example from The X FilesScully: He’s exsanguinating from a laceration in his jugular.Mulder: You mean he’s bleeding to death from his neck?

Avoid exposition (telling) in dialogue If you need to “tell,” use narration.

“Troy, you were six years old when you mother left you and your sister to join the circus as a high-wire acrobat.” Troy would already know this!

“Troy, grow up. It’s been twenty years since your mother left, and you’re still harping about how much your hate aerialists. It’s time to let go.”

Bad Dialogue & Dialect

Be wary of “preaching” If you have a message, let your character discover it

or write a speechProfanity

Written profanity packs a heavier punch than spoken Use thoughtfully, but sparingly

Bad Dialogue & Dialect

Dialect Tread carefully—like walking on egg shells

Too much can sound contrived or offensive:“Oy gevalt!” cried Sadie. “Bubbela, the scare you gave me.”“What, are you meshugana, leaving this fish on the floor?”Versus“Oy gevalt!” Sadie said. “The scare you gave me.”“Well, I didn’t expect there should be fish on the floor,” Moishe said.

Find a couple key phrases and stick to them “y’all” “We be going” etc.

Just “tell” there is a dialect in narration