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ACC260

Midterm Portfolio

Maximilian Sandmann

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Table of Contents

A) Essay

1 Essay- Gens du Voyage: The Forced migration of the Roma ............................................................. 3

2 Bibliography ....................................................................................................................................................... 7

3 Peer Review Essay ............................................................................................................................................ 8

4 Formal Outline ................................................................................................................................................ 14

5 Peer Review Formal Outline ....................................................................................................................... 16

B) Persuasive Speech

1 Persuasive Speech ......................................................................................................................................... 20

2 List of Sources ................................................................................................................................................. 23

3 Preparatory materials .................................................................................................................................. 24

4 Instructor’s evaluation ............................................................................................................................... 25

5 Personal reflection on the persuasive speech ..................................................................................... 26

6 Reflection on a peer’s persuasive speech .............................................................................................. 27

C) Class work

1 Response to essay: Mother Tongue – More than just a shrine: Ellis island ............................... 28

2 Exercise: Recognizing plagiarism ............................................................................................................. 29

3 Exercise: Thesis statements ........................................................................................................................ 30

4 Exercise: Paragraphs: Topic sentences and development .............................................................. 31

5 Assignment: Reference list .......................................................................................................................... 32

6 Class notes ......................................................................................................................................................... 34

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Bibliography (draft):

References

Attali, J. (1999, October 20). Fraternités. Paris: Fayard.

Cendrowicz, L. (2010, September 17). Sarkozy lashes out as Roma row escalates [Online exclusive].

Time Magazine Retrieved from http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,2019860,00.html

Constance, J. (2010, August 23). Travellers, Roma: A poorly known reality [Online exclusive].

Le Figaro. Retrieved from http://translate.googleusercontent.com/translate_c?hl=en&ie=UTF-

8&sl=fr&tl=en&u=http://www.lefigaro.fr/actualite-france/2010/07/21/01016-

20100721ARTFIG00512-gens-du-voyage-roms-une-realite-meconnue.php&prev=_t

&rurl=translate.google.com&usg=ALkJrhi9uQXYn26DALVhma9px3zw5GScDw

Fraser, A. (1992). The Gypsies. Oxford: Blackwell Publishers.

Willsher, K. (2010, September 14). Orders to police on roma expulsions from france leaked. The

Guardian, p. 20.

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Peer Review Essay:

“Maxime van Gerven: Immigration & law in the Netherlands”:

A. Structure

I. Introduction

1: The thesis statement is clear “Thus, immigration law should be better clearer ad revised, because

human rights and constitutional law contradict issues in national and European law”.

The thesis statement provides a new perspective as I wasn’t aware that human rights might contradict

with treaties of the European Union, this for me makes it original. The thesis statement provides me with

sufficient understanding what the writer is arguing about. I think the writer wants to prove that human

rights and laws within the constitution contradict with immigration laws in both individual nations and the

European Union.

2: The introduction informs the reader that immigration is a high priority on the political agenda. This

tries to justify the importance of the main, immigration laws interfering with other laws.

II. Body

1: Topic sentences

Paragraph 1: “Thus, immigration law should be better clearer ad revised, because human rights and

constitutional law contradict issues in national and European law”

Paragraph 2: “Constitutional law thus states, that equality is most important and that discrimination is not

to be tolerated, and so it is in favor of immigration (equality above everything else, so everyone can apply

for Dutch citizenship).”

Paragraph 3: “Another sort of law that speaks for immigration is Article 15 of the human rights:

“Everyone has the right to a nationality. No one shall be .. denied the right to change his nationality”

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Paragraph 4: “However, the Netherlands try to keep sovereignty with its own immigration law”

Paragraph 5: “The reason why this Association interferes with the equality clause is because it treats

Turkish subjects differently from other subjects in the world”.

Paragraph 6: “The Netherlands got workers from another country to work in the Netherlands for a while,

and the after some time they were to be sent back”…..“Even when the European Cpurt of Human Rights,

according to Boeles, already stated that “You could no longer send someone back to a dangerous country,

nor someone who has a family here”…

Paragraph 7: “Lots of laws contradict themselves on different levels: whether they are national,

international or European.”

2: There is relationship between the sentences and the thesis statement as the topic sentences all try to

validate the thesis stamen. Most of the topic sentences are arguments.

3: Each paragraph tries to put its light on the different aspects of the thesis statement and most paragraphs

and with why this validates the thesis statement.

4: The transition between the paragraphs is logical as the thesis statement provides a kind of roadmap

what will be discussed in the body. The transition between paragraph 4 and 5 could be more smooth in

my opinion

III. Conclusion

1: Yes, “In sum: it is necessary that immigration law is revised and by doing so made clearer. Lots of laws

contradict themselves on different levels: whether they are national, international or European.”

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B. Language

I: Sentences

Yes, Sentence: “Constitutional law thus states, that equality is most important and that discrimination is

not to be tolerated, and so it is in favor of immigration (equality above everything else, so everyone can

apply for Dutch citizenship).” is unclear to me. Equality might apply only for the residents already in the

Netherlands and not to those that aspire to become a citizen

In the next paragraph I have somewhat the same issue. The sentence “Another sort of law that speaks for

immigration is Article 15 of the human rights: “Everyone has the right to a nationality. No one shall be ..

denied the right to change his nationality” tells about the right to change their nationality, but in order to

change your nationality you first need to be accepted by the country I would say.

Finally in Paragraph 6 “Laws were made to state this” gives you the idea that guest workers aren’t

allowed to have their families with them while staying in the Netherlands. The next sentence however

states “Even when the European Court of Human Right, according to Boeles, already stated that “You

could no longer send someone back to a dangerous country, nor someone who has a family here”… The

writer seems to contradict itself here

II: Grammar

Not really.

C. Sources

1: Cicekli, Bulent. (2004). Legal integration of Turkish immigrants under the Turkish-EU Association Law.

Turkish Weekly. Retrieved from http://www.turkishweekly.net/article/22/legal-

integration-of-turkish-immigrants-under-the-turkish-eu-association-law.html

Dutch Constitution (2008).

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Heck, W., & Kerres, M. (2010, May 28). Dutch right: shed the EU straitjacket on immigration. NRC Handelsblad. Retrieved from

http://www.nrc.nl/international/election2010/article2552930.ece/Dutch_right_shed_th

e_EU_straitjacket_on_immigration

Lisbon Treaty. (2009, 1 December). Retrieved from the European Union:

http://europa.eu/lisbon_treaty/index_en.htm

Furthermore I miss references (in brackets) behind the citations within the text body itself . For example:

“Another Study (Cortes,2005)”

2: The author has met the sources requirements. There are three direct quotations within the text, however

I miss a paraphrase or direct quotation in Paragraph 5.

D. Overall assessment

1: The paper is my opinion well structured, in that it guides the reader well through the different aspect of

the thesis statement. The other strength is the emphasis that has been put on the sources. Basing

arguments helps the objectivity in general.

2: I would structure the arguments better. In some cases the sources don’t convince the reader of the

writer’s position and sometimes I think that it even contradicts the writer’s position. Further I think that

the essay can be benefited by putting more context between some paragraphs in order to make transitions

more smooth and the reading experience more enjoyable.

3: I think paragraph 5 is the most interesting one of the essay. Maybe more emphasis on that paragraph

would make the essay more interesting.

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Maximilian Sandmann: “Gens du voyages- The forced migration of the Roma”

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Formal Outline:

Gens du Voyage: The Forced Migration of the Roma

Thesis statement:

France should discontinue the targeted destruction of Roma camps and the deporting of its inhabitants to

foreign countries as merely on the basis of EU law it should respect the rights of every citizen.

Formal outline:

I. Is there still Liberty, Equality and Fraternity in France?

A. Dismantling of Roma camps and deportation

B. These actions are controversial and in violation with general the foundation of our European

civilization and our human rights

C. It is important that the EU starts assessing whether this doesn’t violate EU laws

II. Background of the problem

A. The past program for the travelling camps

A.1 Local opposition

A.2 Consequences of this opposition (the creation of “Bidonvilles”)

A.3. Actions that have been taken in the past against Bidonvilles.

B. Leaked memo

B.1 It proves that the current program is directed towards the Roma

B.2 Might be the consequence of a series of conflicts between the French

Government and the Roma

B.3 Questions the sincerity of the French Government towards non-discrimination

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C. Characteristics of Roma culture are different compared to the Western model

C.1 There is hostility towards this model.

C.2. Mr. Sarkozy’s Government might use the Roma as scapegoats

D. The French Government should handle this situation different

D.1 They should instead engage with the Roma in order to achieve a sustainable

situation

D.1. They are obliged to respect EU rules on Free Movement and EU

fundamental rights

III. Conclusions

A. One should question if the French model of assimilation is still applicable in a world where

people don’t stay in one place anymore?

B. Commissioner Reding’s remarks regarding this matter should be welcomed.

C. Roma people should be allowed the right of Free movement.

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Peer review Formal Outline:

“Maxime van Gerven: Immigration & law in the Netherlands”:

1: While the thesis statement puts forward a claim, immigration law should be better, I feel that the writer

could improve the accuracy of its explanation by using different words than “clearer”, “issues”, “national

law” and “European law”. Especially with European law I’m wondering what the writer is referring to.

Does she mean the European Union or Europe in general and what kind of law. Treaties of the European

Union can also be constitutional. An alternative would be: Immigration law should be revised and

improved, as human rights and constitutional law contradicts with immigration laws applied in both

individual nations and the European Union as a whole.

2: The thesis statement provides a new perspective as I wasn’t aware that human rights might contradict

with treaties of the European Union. As human rights are in general important to people, I think it

adequately answers the “so what question”. However, I think the thesis statement could be further

improved by making it more “powerful”: Immigration laws applied in both individual nations and the

European Union needs to be revised, as they contradict with human rights and the constitution.

3: The thesis statement provides me with sufficient understanding what the writer is arguing about. I think

the writer wants to prove that human rights and laws within the constitution contradict with immigration

laws in both individual nations and the European Union.

4: The major points of the essay are clear and well connected with each other. The links might be further

strengthened by placing major point 3 (the Netherlands try to keep some form of sovereignty on

immigration”) after point 5 (Explaining how national interferes with human rights) and therefore making

major point 4 (Explaining how European law interferes with human rights/constitutional law) major point

3.

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5: Based on the plan the main paragraphs might be further strengthened by providing more

context/situations around the major points where the reader can relate with

6: The essay plan only has a thesis statement currently, but also should have an introduction.

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Maximilian Sandmann: “Gens du voyages- The forced migration of the Roma”

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Persuasive Speech:

My Persuasive Speech: Singularity

[Class Question] What was the oldest computer you had?

[Class Question] Does anyone have a new mobile phone

[Class Question] What do you think the performance increase is between those two?

It’s amazing and it’s commonly accepted in the industry as Moore’s law. It describes how every 18

months the computer performance doubles due to the smaller components within the chip. . It’s the reason

your new iPhone is always faster and better than the previous one.

It has been around us for almost 50 years now and it’s still a gift that just keeps on givingOne wonders

where this eventually will go…. Actually some seem to know.

It has been described by some as the new Cult of Silicon Valley, but the singularity as it is called, has

been around for a while now. It has been conceptualized by Vernor Vinge, as a concept what will happen

if this current trend of performance increase we are on keeps on continuing of half a century.

After all as I just said the increase in performance is exponential, so 1000x in 15 years and 1 million times

increase in 30 years for the same price. Singularitarians believe that this eventually lead to computers

that are much more capable than each one of us.

As a matter of fact the term singularity refers to the event that what will happen after 1 computer is able

to surpass all human intelligence. The conception is that from that point on we will start living on this

planet with something that is smarter than us, being connected to the internet probably knows a lot about

us too and of course will continuously find ways to increase its intelligence.

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Now inevitably with almost every future prediction, there will be critics who dismiss this to the realm of

science fiction. Unfortunately for the critics however, it seems that this prediction has the support of

many power people in Silicon Valley, the ones that enable us to do web search, social networking, use

our mobile phones and computers.

In fact there has been so many support that recently on a campus next to Google a university, called the

Singularity University has been established with the sponsorship by Google and other companies to

study the implications this might all bring to us in the foreseeable future.

You see singularity has a business model, every time the performance increases at the same price, those

companies will be able to offer you all kinds of new products in order to improve your life.

Now, maybe for some of you maybe this feels a bit like a de ja vu if you remember Anggi’s ethical

concerns about designer babies, but I assure you it’s not. This will be totally different, this it’s not about

your children or based on objections whether you will be rich and poor, this is not even about your

society in general or your neighbor in your street, this is about you.

Technology is driven by scale and as one of the benefits of Moore’s law is the decrease in price, which

enable us to all consume (rich, poor, young, male, female) and benefit from it, if we want to. I actually

believe we will.

Not even two decades ago, cellphones were a pure rarity, now the most of us can’t life without them. And

of course these days that alone isn’t even enough; we’re on facebook, e-mail, IM’ing increasingly.

The point I’m trying to make is, that if we as a society increasingly want to become more connected with

each other and expect from our computers, then we inevitably arrive at a point where we want to

continue consuming even with possible objections in mind because we won’t like to be bypassed by

those who continue consuming. Don’t we all have a grandparent we make fun of because he or she

doesn’t isn’t able to keep up with the technology like we do?

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So therefore maybe the real question should be asked, what’s the whole issue with being a superhuman?

We are humans, we like to improve, a century ago life expectancy was 48 years, now some countries

have been already able to double that, wouldn’t those earlier didn’t consider us superhumans?.

And who wouldn’t to be superman or wonderwoman if we had the chance to be?

Maybe the whole issue is embedded in us, that we like how things are today and are afraid about the

unknowns of what new leaps the future will bring us. But if that would be the true spirit that

characterizes humanity then we would all be probably still living in some caves in Africa.

I personally think Thomas Jefferson said it best when he wrote “I like the dreams of the future better

than the history of the past” and it might be a minute worth of your thinking on your next Google Search.

Thank you

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Sources

Gardiner, B. (2007, September 9). Peter Thiel explains how to invest in the Singularity

[Online exclusive]. Wired. Retrieved from http://www.wired.com/epicenter/2007/09/peter-thiel

-exp/#ixzz13mrvyeuj

Kurzweil, R. (2009, July 1). The Web Within Us: When Minds and Machines Become One.

Retrieved from www.aberdeeninvestment.com/.../Kurzweil-Selected-Charts-Telecosm-2009-

PART-1-OF-311-11-09.pdf

Pae,P. (2009, February 2). Scientists and Google create Singularity University to solve big problems

[Online exclusive]. Los Angeles Times. Retrieved from

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/technology/2009/02/singularity-uni.html

Rattner, J. (2008, August 21). Crossing the Chasm between HUMANS and MACHINES … The Next 40

years. Retrieved from

http://download.intel.com/pressroom/kits/events/idffall_2008/JustinRattner_day3.pdf

Yarow, J. (2010, September 8). Sergey brin: "We want Google to be the third half of your brain."

[Online exclusive]. Business Insider. Retrieved from http://www.businessinsider.com/sergey-

brin-we-want-google-to-be-the-third-half-of-your-brain-2010-9#ixzz13mpSWHqf

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Prepatory materials:

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Reflections on my persuasive speech:

While my presentation about singularity might, as mrs. Walravens pointed out, as well have been about

superhumans, the speech itself made me realize that I myself am not a superhuman.

The initial concept was to memorize the three pages I presented and to give the speech by heart. In

retrospect it might have been better to have carried a copy of my speech with me as a back-up, which

would have avoided awkward the trip to the back of the class and the unnecessary break that followed.

From a time-perspective I should have shortened the speech, but since I saw that other people went over

the time limit I considered this a minor detail. While I could have saved this speech for the longer

persuasive speech that follows after the break, I still think the topic could have been explained in 5

minutes as well.

Furthermore I agree with mrs. Walravens that I should have put more emphasis on the central idea in the

introduction in the speech, which might have made people to appreciate the build-up more. For my next

speech I’m willing to see if it is possible to combine a powerful introduction with a better explanation for

my topic.

What I liked about my speech was that it stood out and captured people’s imagination. Even long after

finishing my speech I still saw people looking at the two page handout that I had distributed earlier. I

think that the handout itself did a great job of explaining the underlying concept without making it too

difficult.

Of course it is unfortunate that a higher grade was within sight had I organized my speech in a better way.

However I do not want to forget that this is a learning experience. Both positive and negative aspects of

this speech will encourage me to raise the bar in my next speech.

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Reflections on Nicole Oetke’s speech “Gender equality in the board”:

Recently I had the privilege of taking a 200-level political course about migration. One of themes we

discussed in the class was that the reason why women from the developed world arrive in western

societies with a better chance of succeeding in comparison to their male counterparts is because they have

more job opportunities. When I asked the class why a foreign male couldn’t be hired to take of a wealthy

family’s children the female response in the class was unanimous and in my opinion pretty “sexistic”. My

female colleagues would never hire a guy to take care of their children.

This made me wonder if everybody truly understand the reason for the changes in our society after the

civil movements of the 60s or are only preoccupied with the benefits it brought to their own group.

Besides that having stereotypes almost always lead to an inaccurate representation of an individual, the

true benefit of making societies more equal is meritocracy. This puts the best person, whether woman,

man, young, old, white, or black in the position where he or she is able to excel the most.

While from that reason I sympathize with Nicole’s point that more women should be able to excel in the

corporate workplace, the question I think remains unanswered is if they are always the best for the job? In

the end of the day we have to realize that the ownership of those companies Nicole is referring to in her

presentation lies solely with the shareholders. If a female chairman is able to add more value for their

company than her any male alternative there is all the more reason to hire her. However I doubt if the a

one and a half year maternity leave that Nicole proposes is in this dynamic age as beneficial to those

companies as it would be to the chairman’s children. Apart from those shareholders, think about the

thousands of jobs of people with families at stake if the company is underperforming in the chairman’s

absence. In my opinion an executive who doesn’t realize this shouldn’t be an executive in the first place.

I personally hope that we can move to a world where people are motivated to work for chairmen

regardless of their gender and that a female chairman whilst doing her job is able to trust a male nanny to

take care of her children.

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Class work:

Reader response: Mother Tongue & More than just a Shrine: Ellis Island

I think both essays are doing a great job in characterizing the human aspects of immigrants and that the

position of immigrants even in a country which was founded by immigrants is not always as ideal as it

seems. Mrs. Gordon’s essay is more elaborate in the unusual circumstances immigrants had to endure

when applying for residence in the United States, mrs. Tan’s work feels like an extension of that

experience when describing what effects this not only have on immigrants itself but also on their

offspring.

Having lived in foreign countries for part of my life I can relate with mrs. Tan views of the idea of living

in two language barriers at the same time and what effect that can have on your performance at school as

well as your long term decisions. When I was living in Germany and the local language initially was a big

hurdle to overcome, math felt like an oasis as it was not only an exact language but also a universal one.

While I don’t know if my actual aptitude for math is better than that for language, it nevertheless made

me decide later on to apply for a mathematical gymnasium (higher level of high school) in Germany

instead of opting for a language variant. Had mrs. Tan made a similar decision when applying for college,

we might have had one talented writer less. I think it is beneficial to realize that it is often personal

circumstances more than an individual’s inherent skills that are the cause of one’s performance, however

unlike inherent skills circumstances can change.

In my opinion this principle also applied for the people passing through Ellis Island, realizing that their

appearance and performance in those few hours would shape the rest of their lives and that of generations

to come.

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Exercise on plagiarism:

1: Inaccurate because mr. Valliant didn’t mention that society often inflicts wounds by psychiatric

labeling, but can inflicts wounds by discrimination and by confusing health with disease and disease with

badness. Plagiarized, because the writer should put quotation marks around Mr. Valliant words (e.g.

“psychiatric labeling”).

2: Inaccurate because mr. Valliant didn’t what kind of psychiatric labeling. If the writer wants to insert his

opinion, he should not only use brackets, but also the word sic.

3: Inaccurate because mr. Valliant didn’t mention that psychiatric labeling discriminates between health

and disease, but that society can inflicts wounds by discrimination. Plagiarized because the writer should

use quotation marks when reffering to parts of text out of mr. Valliant’s works.

4: I would say acceptable, because in my opinion the writer uses different words than mr. Valliant and

therefore doesn’t need quotation marks.

5: Again I would say acceptable, because in my opinion the writer uses different words than mr. Valliant

and therefore doesn’t need quotation marks.

6: Inaccurate because mr. Valliant agrees with the sociologist that psychiatric labeling is dangerous. What

the sociologists think about society’s effect on discrimination is unknown.

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Thesis statements recycling:

Recycling is a critical element to our global economy as the economic growth of nations is creating

scarcity on resources

Companies should use the Cradle-to-Cradle model as it lowers the financial cost of their operation

Government should incentive recycling as our market systems are ineffective to price in costs resulting

out of the damage done to our health and environment

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Exercise on topic sentences:

1: Firstly, they live in or on a host, and do it harm. Secondly, parasites show some simplification of body

structures when compared with free-living relatives. Thirdly, although all organisms show adaptations to

their way of life, in the case of parasites they are often associated with a complex physiological response,

e.g. the ability to survive in regions almost devoid of available oxygen, such as adult liver flukes, or the

hooks and suckers of adult tapeworm. Lastly, parasites exhibit a complex and efficient reproduction,

usually associated in some way with the physiology of the host, e.g. rabbit fleas are stimulated by the

level of sex hormone in their host.

2: Today the quantity of waste produced is 53 pounds per person, and by 1980 it is estimated that this

will rise to 8 pounds per person.

3: Within the West itself certain cultures rank time much lower in over-all importance than we do.

4: The poor were eating better as well as the rich.

5: The first is the way in which living cells develop an energy currency. The second is the use of

substances called enzymes as go-betweens to reduce the amount of energy needed to make many

chemical reactions essential to life take place fast enough.

6: There are plenty of indications of this; for the languages, too, moved side by side in parallel channels.

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Assignment: Reference list

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Class notes

Reflection on Speeches

General questions: -informative is possible

-time longer than 5 minutes?

-Women rights “More women should be allowed in the board”

-How can 75% of the workforce be female

-Is taking 1,5 year of paternal provide an economic advantage to the company?

-Brave new world “Use Soma”

-Controversial (persuasive or informative?)

-biased

-2012 Prophecy “End of the World”

webbots: predict stock markets

String Theory

Where is the prove

-Smoking: What do you value most in your life

-Designer baby: might be benefits to science and the rest of the world

-are superhuman bad?

-sister’s keeper: life for yourself

-ratio boys/girls might become in equal

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Writing essay

Introduction:

Outline thesis statement

Create a hook

Don’t write just words (placeholder introduction), that everybody already understands

Don’t answer a question, but make your own essay

Don’t use general definitions for your topic, if you want to explain we want something better

Since the dawn of man, since the beginning of time

Referencing a book, as far as it goes..

Conclusion:

-Uncomfortable conclusion

-Come full circle, main idea thesis statement again.

-Repeat the rest

-Not too poetic, emotional ..

-Grab bag conclusion>extra information in the conclusion, no off-topic