ACADEMIC WRITING IClass 11

April 9, 2013

TodayGlobal feedback for Paper 1 drafts

- Common issues

- How to revise

Essay structureIntroduction

- Opening statement- THESIS STATEMENT **

Body 1

Body 2

Body 3

Conclusion

Thesis statementClearly state your argument and subtopics that support your argument.

Ice cream is a great dessert because it is easy to prepare, it relieves stress, and it tastes great.

America’s anti-pollution laws should focus on privately owned cars because it would allow citizens to contribute to national efforts and care about results.

Thesis statementDo not use:

“I will…”“I think…”“In my opinion…”

Do not use “I”, “my”, “we”, or other personal pronouns in your essay.

This includes “let’s”. Let’s = let us.

Example City: Halifax

Source: www.owner4sale.ca

Thesis statementI will tell you how Halifax is a great city.

I think that Halifax is the greatest city in the world.

These need to be revised.

Halifax is a great city because…

Halifax is the greatest city in the world because…

Thesis statementShould be one sentence.

Bad examples:

There are some factors like culture, variety of food, and location. This is why Halifax is a great city.

Halifax is the greatest city in the world. There are several reasons for this, including culture, variety of food, and location.

Improved:

Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

My outlineIntroduction:

- Opening statements- Thesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture,

variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 –

Body 2 –

Body 3 –

Conclusion

unique culture

variety of food

seaside location

variety of food

seaside location

unique cultureX

My outlineIntroduction:

- Opening statements- Thesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique

culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 – unique culture

Body 2 – variety of food

Body 3 – seaside location

Each of these paragraphs must support the argument.

BodyThe body paragraphs should follow the paragraph format we learned earlier in this course:

1. Topic sentence

2. Explanation

3. Evidence

4. Explanation of evidence

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 – unique culture

The first body paragraph must:

- Be about Halifax’s unique culture- Support the argument that Halifax is a great city.

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 – unique culture

T.S.: One factor that makes Halifax a great city is its unique culture.

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 – unique culture

T.S.: One factor that makes Halifax a great city is its unique culture.

I should briefly explain how culture is relevant to the concept of “great city”.

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 – unique culture

T.S.: One factor that makes Halifax a great city is its unique culture.

Culture is one of the defining aspects of a great city because it is the combination of all the people within the city. It shows the personality of a city.

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 – unique culture

One factor that makes Halifax a great city is its unique culture. Culture is one of the defining aspects of a great city because it is the combination of all the people within the city. It shows the personality of a city.

Explain how Halifax’s unique culture makes the city great.

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 – unique culture

One factor that makes Halifax a great city is its unique culture. Culture is one of the defining aspects of a great city because it is the combination of all the people within the city. It shows the personality of a city.

The culture of Halifax is a unique blend of old and new, where Europe and North America come together. Since the people of Halifax come from a variety of backgrounds, the city’s culture borrows different aspects of different cultures, making a truly interesting culture that is comfortable for residents, and highly interesting for visitors.

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 – unique culture

One factor that makes Halifax a great city is its unique culture. Culture is one of the defining aspects of a great city because it is the combination of all the people within the city. It shows the personality of a city. The culture of Halifax is a unique blend of old and new, where Europe and North America come together. Since the people of Halifax come from a variety of backgrounds, the city’s culture borrows different aspects of different cultures, making a truly interesting culture that is comfortable for residents, and highly interesting for visitors.

Provide some evidence to support this

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 – unique culture

One factor that makes Halifax a great city is its unique culture. Culture is one of the defining aspects of a great city because it is the combination of all the people within the city. It shows the personality of a city. The culture of Halifax is a unique blend of old and new, where Europe and North America come together. Since the people of Halifax come from a variety of backgrounds, the city’s culture borrows different aspects of different cultures, making a truly interesting culture that is comfortable for residents, and highly interesting for visitors.

One example of Halifax’s unique culture is the driving culture, known as “Halifax driving culture”. Halifax drivers are famous for their politeness. It often surprises visitors when drivers stop to let people cross the street, regardless if there is a crosswalk or not.

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 – unique culture

One factor that makes Halifax a great city is its unique culture. Culture is one of the defining aspects of a great city because it is the combination of all the people within the city. It shows the personality of a city. The culture of Halifax is a unique blend of old and new, where Europe and North America come together. Since the people of Halifax come from a variety of backgrounds, the city’s culture borrows different aspects of different cultures, making a truly interesting culture that is comfortable for residents, and highly interesting for visitors. One example of Halifax’s unique culture is the driving culture, known as “Halifax driving culture”. Halifax drivers are famous for their politeness. It often surprises visitors when drivers stop to let people cross the street, regardless if there is a crosswalk or not.

Briefly explain how this evidence supports the topic sentence

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 – unique culture

One factor that makes Halifax a great city is its unique culture. Culture is one of the defining aspects of a great city because it is the combination of all the people within the city. It shows the personality of a city. The culture of Halifax is a unique blend of old and new, where Europe and North America come together. Since the people of Halifax come from a variety of backgrounds, the city’s culture borrows different aspects of different cultures, making a truly interesting culture that is comfortable for residents, and highly interesting for visitors. One example of Halifax’s unique culture is the driving culture, known as “Halifax driving culture”. Halifax drivers are famous for their politeness. It often surprises visitors when drivers stop to let people cross the street, regardless if there is a crosswalk or not.

This culture encourages residents and visitors in Halifax to be respectful to each other, making life more pleasant.

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 – unique culture

One factor that makes Halifax a great city is its unique culture. Culture is one of the defining aspects of a great city because it is the combination of all the people within the city. It shows the personality of a city. The culture of Halifax is a unique blend of old and new, where Europe and North America come together. Since the people of Halifax come from a variety of backgrounds, the city’s culture borrows different aspects of different cultures, making a truly interesting culture that is comfortable for residents, and highly interesting for visitors. One example of Halifax’s unique culture is the driving culture, known as “Halifax driving culture”. Halifax drivers are famous for their politeness. It often surprises visitors when drivers stop to let people cross the street, regardless if there is a crosswalk or not. This culture encourages residents and visitors in Halifax to be respectful to each other, making life more pleasant.

My outlineIntroduction:

- Opening statements- Thesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique

culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 1 – unique culture

Body 2 – variety of food

Body 3 – seaside location

Each of these paragraphs must support the argument.

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 2 – variety of food

The second body paragraph must:

- Be about Halifax’s variety of food- continue to support the argument that Halifax is a

great city.

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 2 – variety of food

T.S.:

Begin with a transition:

In addition to culture, the variety of food available makes Halifax a great city.

Second, the variety of food in Halifax makes it a great city.

A second factor that makes Halifax a great city is its variety of food.

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Body 2 – variety of food

T.S.: In addition to culture, the variety of food available makes Halifax a great city.

Use a similar pattern as Body 1

- T.S. - Explain the relevance of your idea to the thesis statement- Explain the idea- Provide evidence to support the idea”- Explain the evidence

Body paragraphsThesis statement: Halifax is a great city due to its unique culture, variety of food, and seaside location.

Repeat the process for Body 3

Some problems to watch foretc.

and so on

Halifax has great food, for example, pizza, hamburger, steak, and so on.

Halifax has great food, for example, pizza, hamburger, and steak.

Some problems to watch forCapitalization

Name (person, place)Company/corporation nameProper nouns

Halifax has great food.

Some problems to watch forIncomplete sentences

Some problems to watch forStarting sentences with:

And

Architecture demonstrates a city’s visual appeal. And, it can demonstrate a city’s history.

Architecture demonstrates a city’s visual appeal. Also, it can demonstrate a city’s history.

So

- Architecture demonstrates a city’s visual appeal. So it is important for tourism.

Architecture demonstrates a city’s visual appeal; thus, it is important for tourism.

Because

-Food is an important aspect of any city. Because food is part of the people and the culture.

Food is an important aspect of any city because food is part of the people and the culture.

Some problems to watch forOverly specific subtopics and topic sentences

i.e., if “food” is a subtopic, the topic sentence should not contain a specific food; the specific food is an example.

So, looking at the example in this slide show, “variety of food” was a subtopic to support the argument “Halifax is a great city”. “Pizza” could be an example of that subtopic, but it could not be a subtopic by itself; it is too specific.

Paper 1Revise and edit your 2nd draft.

Re-submit tomorrow (by 11:59 p.m.)

Subject: AW1 3rd draft

Final draft: Submit Sunday (by 11:59 p.m.)

Running head: LEFT-alignedCAPITAL LETTERS

Page numbers: RIGHT-alignedTop- right corner