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A decade on from Abundance of Light

By Alyssa Mary Rose

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Introduction

I have just made my Abundance of Light book more freely available, so this made me think maybe I need to write something about the years after my discovery of the technique and its subsequent use. For quite a few years after going public, online, with my technique, I was doing healing for many hours a day, all for free, with the only motivation being to heal myself and others.

I have slowed down a bit since then. Obviously that pace could not be sustained, and in addition I also remarried and added a child to the family. My circumstances in that decade changed from being a single mum with three small girls, to being married with three small girls and a teenage stepdaughter, back to being a single mother of three older girls and one baby girl. All these changes were accompanied and aided in their transitions by my Angelic and Spirit helper team. In ten short years I have come from a position of being in dire extremis to a position of being very comfortable and happy, with happy, loving, confident daughters to accompany me on my journey through life. That in itself is a testament to the veracity and power within the Abundance of Light technique.

At the back of this eBook I have put the short version of my life story that has been up on my website for quite a few years. I say short version as I am working on the rather longer version this year, particularly with my children in mind, however I can see me sharing it with the world when the time is right.

I would like to say a huge thank you to my friend and editor Carol Lyons, she will have made your task of reading this little book much more enjoyable. Thanks Carol!

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Chapter one

I have often being asked why I do healing for free and why I am so adamant about not charging for healing. This comes firstly from family tradition, my father being a vicar in England who would always pray for people and do what he could to heal them without charge; however, anyone who knows me, knows that I do not hold with family traditions for traditions sake. The biggest reason I do not charge for healing is absolutely the most selfish one: I take my payment in the form of being healed myself.

I have a “deal” with God for all the healing I offer sentient Beings, I get that same healing myself first. I have truly found that this is a necessary part of the technique as when you have healed all the obvious cords, then you are left with the dramas of life or your reactions to others dramas, to bring up cords within you that need healing. Maybe instead of obvious, I should say gross, all the cords that are covered by the macros in the first book. We all have these same cords because we have all been through similar situations and had similar reactions, leaving the more subtle cords which are very specific to the individual. For instance we have probably all been stabbed in the back by somebody either literally or metaphorically but the reasons we could have been stabbed in the back and by whom, would be totally different for each person. This means when the macros are used to heal, all the run of the mill reactions to being stabbed in the back and all the usual outcomes would be cut, but you might have to dig deeper to find the subtle cords later on.

We all have so many layers of these cords that if I was only to cut the macros for myself a few times the backlog of thousands of years of cords would not be cleared up, yet the healing I do for others offers so much additional healing for me because I am helping others cut for such a variety of conditions that it heals wounds in me that I would otherwise be totally unaware of. Basically my Angels and guides send to me the people who hold within them, the cords that I too need healing for. (This meant after the initial three years or so of public healing, I began to do fewer healings because I had by then cleared up a lot of emotional baggage by doing healing with so many others.)

The people who come to me are truly guided to do so. I realize there are many who are leery of anything that is offered freely, they think there is a catch, and in this world they are often correct, but my healing doesn’t come with a catch. My motives are pure. If someone is not happy with the

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results, they can blame themselves, or me if they wish, but there is no feeling of not getting one’s money’s worth. If they are happy with their healing, yes, I do accept donations, but that is never part of the agreement. That, too, would be freely given by them and not asked for. There is also an added benefit in having fewer healings because I have more time to spend on my main job which is being a parent to my children!

I do also do a lot of healing which I send out into the world for whoever needs it. The recipients of this healing can be any sentient Beings. For example, I have done healing on many haunted places in the world, places where huge battles or slaughters may have taken place. Do not worry about the ghost hunters being put out of business. There are spirits who have deliberately taken on the job of communicating with humans in the form of ghosts and these are never translocated with healing, however suffering fragments of souls that have lived before who are trapped in their own loops of suffering are released to continue on their journey towards complete communication with the Divine.

World news also gives me much in the way of inspiration for places where healing needs to be sent next, with a bias for natural disasters, and lost children. “There should be no bias”, I can hear some of you saying. Unfortunately I do not have unlimited time and energy and so there naturally tends to be some bias towards those things that deeply interested or touched me the most either from this lifetime or others.

This kind of distant healing without the consent of those who are the focus of the healing is very safe in cases like this. What we are really talking about here is prayer. Prayer is always ultimately safe because the Divine is in charge of heeding your prayers. The Divine is in communication with the higher selves of those involved and can bring about the highest and best outcomes.

A word about large scale disasters: I believe that the fear mass media generates especially in the case of potential natural disasters, is a force that can actually contribute to bringing about the feared event. Fear is just negative manifestation and as humans we are very good at this, but when you pray for any positive outcome for a future event, you are asking the Divine to take away the weight of the negative manifestation, this is when miracles occur! Often the miracles go totally unrecognized by many because they will say, “the weather forecasters got it wrong” or it was because “the storm missed areas of major population”. The fact that

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the storm missed areas of great population density may have been a divinely guided event! How can you know for sure?

The subtle nature of prayer and healing always leaves room for those who doubt, but then again doubt itself is just another cord that needs to be cut. Doubt and uncertainty in life are absolutely necessary. How boring would life be, if it was like taking part in a movie you had watched a million times before, with the outcomes always being the same? Life is fluid, always fluid.

In fact, life is so fluid that cord cutting actually has the power to change the past. When you heal for past events, what the Divine does, is to relieve the people involved from a certain amount of the fear and heavy feelings that accompanied the event. This means it actually changes the experience of the past and so these people can move forward in life without the heaviness they would have otherwise carried. How does this translate into actually changing the past? Well, for example, it might mean that those horrible, inexplicable feelings you always had about your uncle just disappear. Why? Because he has been healed of the feelings he had from an event in the past where he held thoughts of revenge towards you!

Where most of the movement of this type of healing is felt is within the arena or peoples’ feelings, emotions, but also their store of potential and actual sicknesses and injuries, many of which do not seem to heal. Once again, this is an area where it is very hard to prove healing had anything to do with the changes. One might pass it off as the work of the psychologist or the latest drug; however, that psychologist may have been divinely guided to give you the healing you were needful of because of the work done behind the scenes with prayer and cord cutting.

This “leaving room” for doubt and uncertainty is probably the reason my Angelic team do not let me get psychic readings about the future. Of course, like anyone else I could rock up to a psychic and pay my eighty dollars and get my reading; however as soon as the reader opens his or her mouth, I know that this reader is being fed a story. Then I just have to sit there knowing I am making a donation for nothing! Remember, the future is always fluid.

Although I do have a funny little story to tell you about a visit with a clairvoyant medium. “Tara” came round to my house and instantly I felt comfortable with her and that she was a lovely, very intuitive person. I

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showed her a picture of my Gran and said “I would very much like it if my Gran came through today”.

The reading started and Tara came back with some very accurate information about one of my partners who had passed on. There were another couple of people who came through all with accurate communications, which set me up for the next event: Tara told me she had my Gran…or was it my Nan…? Now this should have alerted me to what was about to transpire, but because I wanted my Gran to come through so much it didn’t register.

My “Gran” started off with how she thought my house was a mess and that to get anywhere in life I needed to be organised. I thought that was weird Gran was always so comfortable in a little clutter and she always thought I was very organised. Then she communicated that she thought my choice in men was appalling and that maybe I needed to lift my game in order to get myself a decent man. There would be a man who would allow me to have my own little reading room full of crystals set up in the house. That did it for me, I saw red at this bit. For one thing I did not want another man in my life, and two, definitely not one who “allows” me to have my own little reading room!

I was just thinking by this point, Tara knows nothing, and now I don’t know who she is speaking to because that is definitely not my Gran! I saw Tara out politely without saying anything until I got back inside where I fair blew my top. Fortunately the girls were already in bed so I didn’t vent to them.

The next day my eldest girl who was about 12 at the time started crying and ran from her room. I asked her what the matter was, and she told me that she had quite clearly heard two old ladies arguing in her room. The two old ladies were saying to each other, “should we tell her?” My eldest butted in and told them yes they definitely should tell her! The long and the short of the conversation was that these two old ladies were my Gran and my Nan (who had died only 18 months or so previously and whom I had forgotten had passed on) and they were laughing about the mistaken identity.

Their message was this was a lesson for me and for my daughter. It was done to increase her confidence in her psychic abilities and that as long as I held onto my dreams and kept love in my heart, everything would work out fine. Needless to say I no longer bother going to see psychics and mediums, knowing full well my Angelic team and Spirit helpers can pass

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on any message they like directly to me or to my daughter if I am not listening.

The best indication of the form your future is going to take, is how your present is panning out. If you do not like the present, then you have some healing work to do so you do not manifest those fears and negativities you have running through your head all the time.

How, you might ask, do you know what to heal? Working out what needs to be healed takes increasing amounts of awareness about what the mind is doing. Having done many years of Buddhist meditation, I grasped this part more easily than many people who might not have participated in meditation before. Unlike the Buddhist meditation I used to do, however, I do not practice equanimity towards whatever comes into my awareness in order to do the healing. Instead I look at the emotions and physical sensations that the thoughts create in that moment, then I cut the cords with anything I feel to be relevant at that time to bring the thoughts and sensations either back to a neutral or peaceful state. It is important to notice after every interaction how you feel and then bring yourself back to a neutral space with cord cutting. For instance one time I went to my doctor and afterwards while driving home, I noticed myself obsessing about our conversation the whole way. I cut cords before I got out of the car, with my doctor and with anything mentioned in the conversation and that was the end of that train of thoughts. It might not even be that you are that attached to that conversation, maybe the doctor is thinking about you and her experience, whichever way it works, it is best if the cord is cut, then only the love remains.

You might have noticed by now, I am not really putting forward the case for my Angels’ existence or non-existence. For me proving this is not important because in my reality, they absolutely exist, as much or maybe even more than this world and all its contents exist.

There are no doubts in my faith anymore; however, I do know that if a terrible accident befell one of my children and she died, I would no longer have the will to act upon that faith. I would feel totally let down by my Angelic team and that would effectively cripple me for the rest of this lifetime. As uncertain life is, I do feel the reassurance from my Angelic team that this will never happen to me; however, the compassion I feel for parents who have lost children is very deep, and my eyes are welling with tears just thinking about it.

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The quality of the communication between me and my Angelic team has changed quite dramatically over the years. As my psychic gifts have been reclaimed so have the ways I use them to communicate with Spirit. In the beginning I came up with the method of chanting because it seemed to work for everyone even those (including myself back then) who could not see anything with their third eyes. The ways I feel energy with my hands has also evolved. Back in those early days, when I passed my hands over somebody’s body I would actually feel the weapons that had inflicted wounds upon their psychic bodies across lifetimes. I got tired of this pretty quickly, and asked to be able to only feel a heaviness instead of this graphic gore. This heaviness has evolved into many different nuances of feeling within my hands. Also the nuances within my voice as I chant tell me many things.

I developed these senses so finely because my third eye did not seem to be working. I would also use the pendulum to ask my Angelic team yes or no questions. I still do this because I find that when the pendulum is used to do healing, it is so accurate. However I did lose my pendulum for a period of time and found that I could now very easily hear the answers to my questions, in my head and was given additional information that is not possible to receive when just using a pendulum. I think the delay in finding my pendulum was angel orchestrated, because back in 2005, I lost a pendulum, also worn as a necklace, and they gave me a vision of it at the service desk at the local shopping Centre as I laid down for bed that night.

Another way I have learned some major lessons was by observing patterns in my life. When the same things kept happening over and over again, I had to think there must be something I was doing that perpetuated the situation; and even when I thought I had left it behind, it followed me and came up in the next relationship. Relationships seem to be the way I learn my major lessons, in my interactions with other people.

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Chapter two

I have learned so much from relationships this life. Much of the time I learned what I didn’t want in a relationship. Interestingly enough when I was young, one of the big questions kicking around in my head was, why do women stay with men who abuse them? I guess this was one of the themes I came here to explore.

One theme I have never had to worry about was a partner being unfaithful. That, thankfully turned out to be true intuition because with the five serious relationships I had, none of the men were ever unfaithful to me. Apparently, from what I hear from others, though, it is a pretty common worry for many.

My first serious boyfriend whom I lived with for two years, was so jealous, so worried that I would run off with someone else, that if I so much as smiled at another man in the street, he would not talk to me for two days. I suppose this was the start of the abuse. Psychological abuse is so destructive but also so undetectable, that even as an abused person, for a long time I could not put my finger on how I was being abused. It is that subtle.

When I finally left this boy, he brought out the emotional blackmail card and threatened to kill himself by overdosing with heroin. I was wise enough by then to see that this was just more abuse. I told him he must do what he wanted, and that I was not responsible for his actions. I know for a fact he was around for many years after I left him.

I was very loyal when I was in a relationship, but there came a time when something inside snapped, and I knew there was no mending it. As a result I have never returned to ex-partners although I am good friends with all three of my ex-husbands. I figure if I loved them enough to marry them, then there must be enough left for friendship surely. Well this trip down memory lane will point out to you the reader, that I certainly had a lot to heal.

I found out why women, well why this woman, would stay with a man who abused her. For me it was all about rescuing the man from himself, teaching him how to love himself, so he could than love me; and in the meantime, I would pour my love in to make up for the love he couldn’t find. This of course does not work. Why did I have this pattern in my life? The only partner who didn’t fit this pattern was my first husband who I meditated with for five years on the road around Australia. I believe he

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was the exception. I feel I made a pact with him in a different life for us to help each other along the road of meditation. He had a huge impact on my life and for all the help I received on the spiritual front, I am very grateful.

When my third marriage was on the rocks I realised I had some serious unfinished business. We met through my healing group and he was very taken with the technique and my communication with Angels; however, when his depression started to kick in, and he expressed his lack of belief, I knew we were on rocky ground. It was then that I started trying to find common threads in four out of my five relationships. Eventually I realised I was actually repeating the broken relationship with my mother by reliving it through these partners.

I left England at the age of 21 and the state of the relationship with my mother had a lot to do with the decision. I was the eldest child, and as such I was my mother and sisters’ caregiver. My mother suffered from severe depression (as would four of my future partners). I would do things for her to try and show how much I loved her, things that would make her happy and feel loved. I did the housework, took over the care of the little ones. I did so many special things that she didn’t even notice. I thought that if I showed her I cared enough she would realise she was lovable and start to love herself and also start to love me.

I carried this unconscious attitude with me into my adult life. I tried the same method with my partners. I did everything for them and poured my love in hoping that it would be enough to fix their broken spirits. With my last husband I thought I could just heal all his depression away. Nothing can be healed, but by the desire and effort of the one who is suffering. This does not mean that you cannot get help with your healing, but if it is yours to heal, you have to seek the help and participate in your own healing.

In actual fact there is nothing wrong with any of us. Almost all of us have this broken image of ourselves that is in need of healing. Well that image actually needs dissolving, which is exactly what cord cutting does. Cord cutting destroys the illusion and leaves what the divine intended: a perfect loving human being.

When I came to this light bulb moment, I wrote an email to my mother in England. I told her how, up until now, I had protected her from the truth of how I really felt in order to save her feelings, and that I felt I had mothered her since I was a child. I told her I was no longer going to

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mother her and that I had a few things about my childhood I now wanted to share. I was not nasty or vindictive. I just wrote how I had felt about my childhood from my point of view.

My mum agreed with me, that my childhood lacked the guidance and support that I needed. She also said she had done her best and really did love me. I know my parents really love me, that is not the issue but the wounds which I had carried around with me until that moment, were. It is amazing the massive effect this light bulb moment had on me.

At this point my third husband had already told me that the marriage was not working and that he wanted me to leave. I told him to give it another chance. I promised that I would not nag him so much about his health. I had this irrational fear of him not putting a warm coat on, not taking a healthy lunch to work, of him not doing some exercise… Does anyone see a pattern here? I was mothering him to death! When the spell broke, I suddenly didn’t really care if he didn’t eat well or if he slept well or not.

The hugest shift I noticed was that when he said that it was time to end the marriage, I had come to the point where I saw that the separation was necessary. Separations of any kind are never easy and the first three weeks before I found myself another house to rent was a living hell, even with my wonderful cord cutting technique and my team of Angels to support me. Time, however, and a different perspective on the situation worked wonders and very soon I realised I had been released to do what I do best: BEING ME.

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Chapter three

Another big theme in my life has been about giving things up, or better put as learning detachment. Even as a child coming from a Christian household, I had a very good grounding in Eastern mysticism and realised what enlightenment meant and what it was to aspire to being enlightened: not having to come back to a physical existence once this incarnation is over.

This does not mean I came to this life with any less desires than any other being. As a teenager I drank, smoked, dabbled with drugs, took huge risks and had a fair amount of sexual experiences. My drug taking, however, was not in an effort to escape the experiences in the here and now, it was more about finding out how far you could push the boundaries of my awareness by using chemicals. Mind-expanding drugs are what Aldous Huxley would have called them. I was very much an out-of-place hippie and into the psychedelic free love era that had, by that time already passed. I fairly quickly came around to the conclusion that drugs were not a quick fix or a magic ticket to enlightenment. One still had to actually do all the hard work that sages spent lifetimes doing.

My experimentation then became focused on spiritual change. Fortunately my first husband led me to a very strict discipline very early on: Vipassana meditation. This type of meditation is not for the faint hearted. It requires a very strict lifestyle including at least two hours a day for meditation, no drugs, no illicit sex, you get the picture, this meditation was no picnic.

Interestingly, during my five years of practising Vipassana I did not manage to give up cigarettes (I tried many times), it took having children to do that. Having children also put my diet on the straight and narrow. Having twins resulted in a herniated stomach, and I found I was very prone to getting ulcers. From that point on I had to strictly watch my diet, and this also ruled out alcohol.

One huge desire that keeps bringing souls back to this plane is sexual appetite. Luckily the angels had a very safe plan in mind for me to deal with this addiction. After my awakening in 2003, I was quite obsessed with the idea of finding a perfect partner and this perfect partner of course, was also going to be an exceptional lover.

At that time, I had started doing healing online for anybody on MSN. One man, Greg kept seeking me out. He told me he lived in Canada. Well, I

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would always make more time for Greg than anyone else. He sucked me in with lines like, “now I am stroking your beautiful long hair”. (You need to bear in mind my last lover was my ex-husband who I had left about two years ago).

Greg and I worked through many things, cutting cords with issues that would have been unimaginable to work out with a flesh and blood partner. I even worked through my jealousy cords with Greg: he started telling me things about a woman he had gone to the woods with, and the result was that we basically agreed that what happened in the woods, stayed in the woods!

As far as I was concerned, I needed to feel I was his only princess and since this was an online relationship I didn’t have any physical worries with this arrangement. This arrangement was actually a very convenient one since it did not expose my young children to any threat of any kind of harm. It finished after Greg promised to come and see me and then got waylaid in Holland by a crystal skull convention. This was the last straw for me. I had finished with healing in this way; however, the relationship had lasted for about two years which is a pretty long time for an internet and phone relationship.

By this time I had dealt with a lot of my more base sexual desires though I still desired a flesh and blood partner, somebody to spend the rest of my life with. I had many an argument with my Spirit guides about how unfair life was, and how I would put up with being single but in no way was I happy about it. I find most things that you really hanker after, you will get in one form or another until you come to the realisation that you do not really need them or want them.

Another desire that I was working through at the same time as my relationship with Greg was the desire for power and spiritual fame and kudos. I offered free healing to everyone and was on the phone constantly, (this is probably what kept me sane, feeling as if I had a purpose in life other than changing dirty nappies and constantly worrying about my children’s ill health).

I had somebody who I teamed up with in New Zealand at the time, a lady also involved with Angelic healing. We would phone each other probably two times a week, even though it cost me an absolute fortune. We would cut cords with world events as well as personal events in our lives, always with the hope that we cut ourselves out of the atrocious personal conditions we both found ourselves in.

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When we did these healing sessions, the amount of power that poured through us was amazing, but just like the high from a drug, it is fine while the drug is operational in your body, but when its obvious effects are over, you drop as far down as the high you just had. The low that I felt after these power influxes was incredibly low. It took time to work out why this was happening to me. I would do healing for some people on the phone, and they would ring up the next day and say “I was vomiting all night and it is your fault”. This devastated me every time. Then at other times people would ring and say, “Your healing has changed my life and I feel so much better”. Then I would be back on my high horse riding it to the horizon.

The idea of my mission in life was all tied in with this feeling. I felt that because I had been given this wonderful gift that I had to share it with everyone, had to “save” all those I met. I dreamt of hitting the winning lotto ticket and becoming the guru in a huge healing centre. Thank goodness, cutting cords just dissolves all those misguided desires, and luckily, cord cutting works very fast. I didn’t have to act out any of these dreams in the physical or I could have wasted a whole lifetime stuck in that particular dream.

I finally realised that after each healing session I needed to cut with the power that was generated. That way, even though I was not accepting the praise and the power generated by such a healing, I was also not accepting the abuse for what somebody might think I had done or not done to them! When all is said and done, I am just the channel. God is the power that flows through me. God is the One who heals, and the person receiving the healing is the one who accepts that healing love… or does not, it has nothing to do with me. My only responsibility as a healer is to work on myself and keep myself as clear a channel for that love as I possibly can.

As to the grandiose dreams of becoming a big healer in a big healing centre, I had enough of a taste of what that dream was bringing with it, to realise that my only mission in life is to heal myself. If you can heal yourself then all else follows. If all you give out in life is love, then that is what you will receive. Basically that is all any of us wants: to be perfectly loved, perfectly loving, and full of happiness in each moment. No I am wrong, that is not what we all want, but it is what I want, and yes I do perceive that this alone is a desire in itself, but we have to have goals or we would never bother making any changes in ourselves.

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Back to the desire to have a relationship, I met my third husband through my healing group, which he found out about in one of the online forums I frequented at the time. Our relationship started with so much hope and love, but a marriage soon brings the cracks and the things you have both been hiding in the subconscious, out into the open. The last chapter dealt with how I broke this particular spell. How in reality my deepest desire was to heal the broken relationship with my mother.

After my separation I moved back to the area where all my “angel ladies” as we have affectionately called our healing group (named by my children) lived. I came to realise that being on my own with my beautiful children is really exactly how I liked things.

I no longer have any desire to be with another partner in life, even the sexual desire in me is no longer there, however that did not happen totally naturally, I have had to direct a lot of healing towards this area of my life and desires. This would not be a goal for most people and I definitely understand that, but my life is not the life of most people, my life and my goals are unique to me alone. As are yours.

Another desire I had to contend with was the deep down desire for a close sister figure in my life, one who I could share all the ups and downs of life with. I had this quite a few times in my life but this type of relationship would always blow up in my face when our goals and desires no longer were in vibrational synchronicity. For example a girlfriend I was very fond of in New Zealand decided that “enough was enough” when she returned to a nine to five job and there was no longer any need to be cutting cords 24/7 with a woman in Australia whom she had never met.

This desire for a close sister/friend came up very strongly when, after leaving my marriage, I was on my own again with three girls. To fill in my time and make ends meet, I started doing foster care. This is how my beautiful fourth daughter arrived in my life. Through foster care I met quite a few lovely women, but one was to become a very close friend for about three years. This friendship, too, has finished due to many reasons but as it did finish, I realised it had ended the desire in me for a girlfriend to bounce every idea off and somebody to debrief with and keep particularly close. I am now quite happy to have friends around me and have my children as my nearest and dearest.

Another huge desire I had was to have another child, another girl child (as I know nothing about male children). I had not consciously realised this desire when I started foster care, all I knew was that I really wanted

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to look after babies. While I am ok at taking care of young boys, I do not have the energy or inclination to take care of growing boys. Doing foster care gave me ample opportunity to take care of many babies. I felt so privileged to be entrusted with the care of these gorgeous new born babies who needed so much of my love and attention.

As my foster daughter grew up, I began to feel like it was more of a chore than a privilege, a chore that stopped me from doing anything independently and of having a life of my own. In other words the inclusion of my fourth child cured me of the need for any more children. I have now ceased doing active foster care work.

I also had a lot of work to do with my willingness to allow God to do what God thought best, especially in the case of my foster child. Two times there was a serious threat to my chances of being her permanent mother. Two times I had to go through the process of mourning her loss and just giving over my will to God’s will. Here are a couple of entries I put in my online journal. This was my comment on all the emotional work I was doing at the time. “You like to think angels are going to make it fluffy and good for you, but hey that’s not what they are here to do, they are here to support us when the going gets tough, which it always does, until the day we die.” My friend said of the way I was working through this challenge. “You are healing from this remarkably fast which goes to show just how much this really works. It's a tough row to hoe, but we signed on for the crash course this year.”

I found this story online which expresses so well the type of mind frame I had to adopt to get through this particular challenge. (http://www.myrkothum.com/the-10-very-best-zen-stories/ )

5. Is That So?

The Zen master Hakuin was praised by his neighbours as one living a pure life.

A beautiful Japanese girl whose parents owned a food store lived near him. Suddenly, without any warning, her parents discovered she was with child.

This made her parents very angry. She would not confess who the man was, but after much harassment at last named Hakuin.

In great anger the parents went to the master. "Is that so?" was all he would say.

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When the child was born, the parents brought it to the Hakuin, who now was viewed as a pariah by the whole village. They demanded that he take care of the child since it was his responsibility. “Is that so?” Hakuin said calmly as he accepted the child.

A year later the girl-mother could stand it no longer. She told her parents the truth – that the real father of the child was a young man who worked in the fish market.

The mother and father of the girl at once went to Hakuin to ask his forgiveness, to apologize at length, and to get the child back again.

Hakuin was willing. In yielding the child, all he said was: "Is that so?"

This attitude of Hakuin’s is not showing disinterest, indeed his care of the child, the mother of the child, and her reputation was full of compassion, instead it shows that his reputation does not matter to him. He does whatever is set out before him to do and he does it to the best of his ability without blame or regret. For me it was only when I came to an acceptance of “whatever is the best for my child, let it be done”, that the answer came back “she is to stay with you”.

I have expressed to one friend that in the end I will be faced with cutting cords with my children so they mean no more or no less than any other being; however, I am a long way off from cutting this huge cord which is the cord that has kept me on this planet so long in this lifetime.

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Chapterfive

Counselling many people in the course of being a healer, has taught me many things about how the mind works and the stories that we tell ourselves and how that hinders our own ability to heal ourselves. In actual fact nobody needs a healer, we all heal ourselves but sometimes a healer is a useful person who can jog that memory inside us that says “Yes, we can work with the Divine and actually heal ourselves”. I see a healer as a catalyst for peoples' own healing powers. It works in much the same way as a personal trainer who helps somebody use their own powers to get fit. The person being trained actually has to do all the work, the trainer is just there to motivate and suggest easier ways of doing things. It is the same with a healer.

Many people have a story their minds tell them: that they can’t do anything about the suffering in their lives because it is all the fault of the behaviour of those they live with. This could be a lazy, drinking spouse; fighting, rude children; a woeful mother in law, or an abusive boss.

When you make a decision in life to start healing yourself, you drag back the responsibility to where it truly lies: with yourself. This is why, with this particular technique, we cut cords with everything, even with being a dictator or a serial killer in past lives. The theory behind it is this: if there is not anything to cut then you have wasted nothing, just the time that particular little prayer took you to complete; however, if there is something to cut with about being a dictator, now it is taken care of long before you may have otherwise stumbled across it. This does not necessarily mean you were a dictator, it can mean that a dictator somehow affected your life, maybe killed a relative or caused you to live in fear and poverty. In that case what you are cutting for is the anger and hatred you formed towards that dictator. Alternatively you could have been a dictator and seeing as you now have the courage to contemplate that you could have done these heinous things, you heal them just by cutting those cords. What a wonderful thing! Just by saying “Yes, I accept responsibility for all I have done in my lives”, that it can be healed as simply as this.

Let us take the scenario where somebody is complaining that they cannot enjoy a happy life because their husband is lazy and they always have to nag them to help, or do it themselves. When I was married I used to feel

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that way much of the time too, yet when I was single again, I just did the chores and didn’t feel resentful about it. In fact, I am probably doing about the same amount, but I am not saying in my mind that I should not be doing these chores and that my husband should. A saint would not be moaning on about somebody in their household not doing enough work because the actions of that person would not have any effect on the mind of a saint.

When you blame your rotten feelings on another being you are actually casting yourself as the victim and them as the abuser, then you have no power because you are a victim. When you take back the power and say “I am responsible for the way I feel about my actions and anybody else’s actions”, you do in fact transfer the power back to yourself. What you should be doing to sort this problem out is cutting the cords between you and your feeling that you are being hard done by, that your husband is getting away with being lazy, that life is unfair and that you are being abused.

Once there is no longer this resentful barrier between you and your husband, he will be much more open to giving you a little help and you are more likely to be grateful rather than feeling like, “Well he should always have been more helpful”. When the feelings of gratefulness wash over your husband he is much more likely to repeat the act of help because of the emotional payback he received for the action. Perhaps your husband really is lazy and has no intention of doing any work around the house. Well, you can keep your peaceful mind even though he apparently is doing the wrong thing. All you have to do is a little more work and what is that compared to a mind full of anger and hatred because somebody else did not do that work? Life is full of work, so find a way to do it joyfully. Once you have healed that cord, or set of cords, then things will resolve one way or the other. Just remember to allow God to bring about the resolution.

Guilt is a nasty mind loop that literally cripples us. Back in 2003 when I was given this technique, I often used to be paralysed with guilt. I would have a conversation with somebody and they would turn on me. Then I would go away, think about the conversation, and realise what they must have thought I had said to cause them to turn on me. I would feel so guilty. How stupid to be feeling guilty over something I did not even intend. Even if I did intend to hurt the other person, what a waste of energy it is to feel remorseful and guilty. My personal way round this dilemma was to make a bargain with God. I said to God, “my life is yours

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and I promise not to knowingly hurt another being, therefore if somebody does get hurt as a result of an action or word by me, please take this event and turn it around and use it to heal those injured and to heal me.” Since that day, and cord cutting after any uncomfortable event or conversation, I have not felt that crippling guilt.

One area of my life which I have never quite got a handle on is the manifestation of wealth. This is a little bit of a reading that a lovely woman called Chris did for me a few years ago, it describes to a “T” my wealth manifestation: “Your base, or root chakra (red in colour) governs security, finances, and survival. It was so healthy and sparkling, but it was doing something curious. It was rotating and hovering a lot lower than where I usually see it, but there was this burst of light and sparkles underneath it which was helping it keep from hitting rock bottom. This tells me that no matter how desperate things may appear to be in this area of your life, you are always Divinely provided for and that there is so much hope for even brighter days to come.”

When you read my life story, you will realise that I have come a long way since then. Really my life has never been better than now. I am an incredibly good money manager. The DHS worker involved in my foster child’s case, says I am an absolute miracle worker as far as money is concerned. I am able to cope a lot better when it is my money alone I am managing and I make all the decisions. Marriage has never been a very good financial situation for me. When we come to the chapter on how Angels communicate with me, you will see the many examples of how they find wonderful bargains for me, or they whisper in somebody’s ear to give me help on some front or another.

Still I cannot say I am one hundred percent happy with the situation as it is, because raising children is a very expensive business. People always tell me that I should charge for healing; however, there is no way I will do that unless I can obtain a hypnotherapy diploma. In this case I would charge for hypnotherapy and throw in my particular brand of healing for free. I have already helped many people with their addictions and with past life traumas so adding a hypnotherapy qualification to this would make my healing legitimate in the publics’ eyes and then people could pay me for my time and qualification rather than the love I channel from my creator. I do however believe that this current financial situation will not always be the case and feel that later on in life, I will have plenty of money for everything.

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I must say lack of money has brought me a fourth daughter and that is a huge gift. If I had not been so broke, I would have never done foster care, so my completed family was a direct result of being poor. Also any medical help I have needed has been freely provided because I have been on the poverty line and in the beginning I needed quite a bit of help; however that is no longer the case as all have been pretty healthy.

Living with the wolf at the door has also made me much keener to communicate with my Angels. I think if you are very comfortable, why would you be asking Spirit for help? Though truly, everybody needs help with the healing of the spirit and that has nothing to do with your worldly health. I also think that by having been placed in this financial position, I can honestly relate to how lack can rock your world and turn it upside down. All the help I am purporting that Angels can give would just not be needed or seem to be needed by those who already have lots, so if I had lots, you just might not believe my sincerity.

Many other things have changed over the years as well, the desires I have and the things I would spend money on have drastically changed. I do not want money to essentially change my life. I love my life. I want money to make my life a bit easier and easier for my loving friends.

Even though I have very little money at my disposal, I have managed to manifest many different dreams I have had for my children and myself. My children are very musically gifted and I have managed to manifest free singing lessons, free violin lessons and free clarinet lessons. I really wanted to get fit and have a little bit of time to myself. I found the YMCA gym and crèche to be an absolute godsend with childcare being under $15 a week and gym membership under $15 a week. As you all know I do not take payment for my healing although donations are fine. One of the lovely ladies I have been helping has said she will be paying for the eldest daughters drama classes this year. How could I refuse such a wonderful thing for my daughter?

As for bargains, furniture and clothes, we have a fantastic reuse shop near us and lots and lots of charity stores which are absolute treasure chests of gear. I used to keep chooks (chickens for non-aussies) and grow some vegetables, but I must say rentals with low quality soil and expensive water prices have sapped my energy for self-sufficiency.

Having said all of this about wealth manifestation, I would like to add that cord cutting has really changed the way I view money and even the lack of it. Here is a macro from Ision’s book on advanced cord cutting. He has

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a wonderful way with words and took my concept of cord cutting macros and made it an art form.

Wealth and Prosperity Prayer by Ision Ensor

Love and Light Beings, cut the cords of illusion, cut the cords of attachment, cut all and any cords not of the highest good across the life times, time, space and dimension, between my higher self and I and also between me and:

Profit from any success cords, any failure cords, any cords of making money from others suffering and profit from anything unethical, immoral or wrong, from making profit that will cause suffering or problems for any people, places or things now or in the future, making money from helping people in any way, genuinely good products and services. Any profit that will cause me to pay taxes, cut any cords about paying taxes, being resentful about tax, using all legal means to minimise tax, using illegal means to minimise tax, tax avoidance. Being financially responsible, paying bills on time, resenting having to pay bills, fear of high bills limiting your enjoying of life, not thinking about the bills and wasting money on big spending, being financially limitless, financial limitations, belief in financial limitation, any cords about greed, fear of money, of not having money, of having lots of money, too much money, losing money, taking money away from others, having money taken away from me. Being successful when those around me are failing, failing when others are succeeding, choosing a different lifestyle over amassing wealth, or struggling, paying debts, money making me a target for criticism, success, failure, abandonment, business, organisation, responsibility, freedom, attachments to working for income, fear of releasing a “standard” and regular job, livelihood, career, service, unemployment, personal attributes, talents, tools of the trade, tricks of the trade. Decision making, moving into one’s own power and purpose, “do what you love and the money will come”, all prosperity and abundance consciousness, a hard working lifestyle, an easy prosperous life, rich and famous, wealth and prosperity, possessions, lack of possessions, maintaining an image. Lack of abundance, poverty and riches, selfishness, generosity, tithing, wanting to tithe but not trusting the process as it is taught, gaining experience and trust in the momentum of giving and receiving, trust, boredom, using position to help people, helping people to the extent of your own detriment, being appreciated for your help, not being appreciated. Being used, attracting those that will use you, being able to discern when it is appropriate to help and when to

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say no, the will power to say no, accepting help, showing appreciation, taking for granted, knowing when to stop receiving help and step out on your own, over work, business, corporations, authority (own and others). Confidence, superiority, inferiority, incompetence, competence, being the right person for the job, being the wrong person for the job, praise, being told off, telling off, anger, resentment, pride, arrogance, humility, gambling, lottery. Financial support and fear of its lack or coming to an end, study, learning, laziness, contracts, piece work, healthy and un healthy competition for work, law, logic, intuition, timing, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, saying the right thing at the right time, pollution, giving value for money, unfinished projects, finishing all projects, satisfied customers, unsatisfied customers.

Allowing spiritual guidance to replace old with new, non-paying service to the world, giving and receiving, recycling, freecycling, spending money to make money, cycle of abundance, depressions and recessions and being effected and not being effected by them. World-wide trading, local economies, comfort owning money-assets, spend money like water, deep pockets, shallow pockets, long arms, short arms, the stock exchange, loosing and making money on it, regretting having followed a path that does not result in as much money as a different path may have. Being centred in your destiny no matter what financial ramifications it has or seems to have now, allowing yourself to be free of all attachments to what money can provide and opening up to the flow of abundance, all thoughts and feelings of lack and catching them and transforming them when you think them. Having a mentor, feeling like you deserve a mentor, feeling like you don’t, training, practice, you get good at what you do, you don’t get good at what you don’t do, the assimilation time to adjust to successful actions and making money, assimilating fast or slow, having enough to not have to worry about it anymore, effortless opulence, being a focus of universal abundance, the life you are destined for, the material needs of your path being available as you need them and more. Not needing to work for a living, working in your passion and making enough to live, belief that you need to struggle in a job you hate to make money, all religious beliefs about having money or prosperity, "the worship of money is the root of all evil”, it is blessed to be poor and all other fallacies that are designed to maintain control and not Divine Truth, the Laws of Creation and magnetisation, all ideas about wealth and true prosperity that have been formed from outside influences, all ideas, vows, beliefs and energies regarding wealth and prosperity from past lives that are still effecting this one, clearly knowing your path and manifesting that which you need. Not being concerned or effected by

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what others have felt necessary to manifest, keying into others success or failure, following the crowd and thinking that you will succeed beyond the norm, being ready and willing to follow through on new ideas, the rate at which your thoughts and feelings out-picture, gaining control over both thoughts and feelings so that only abundance is expressed.

The causes and consequences of all cords cut for in this prayer, the opposite aspect of all the cords in this prayer, 21st Century Syndrome, all cords that will prevent the healing of any cord cut for in this prayer, all mental/ emotional/ behavioural habit patterns that may re-establish any cord cut with this prayer, stepping into my own power, the reintegration of any soul fragments that are being held externalised by any cord or situation covered by this prayer, and all other cords relevant to this prayer that have not been included. Grounding and being fully Grounded, Heal and transmute to Love and Light.

ABOUT THIS MACRO

Wealth and prosperity are usually lumped together but can really be two very separate concepts. While ‘wealth’ is simply having a lot of money or income providing assets, ‘prosperity’ is being centred in the Divine Flow of the Life Stream, living in alignment with Divine Law and activity. This understanding of the Laws of Creation allows Divine process to bring to you what you need and more almost before you need it. To achieve the life you are destined for regardless of the level of money it would take a lot of societal programming needs to be erased and this prayer works towards that goal.

Following the crowd will only get you to where the entire crowd already is. If that is not good enough for you and you want more from your life, you need to gain control of what you out picture from your thoughts and feelings.

Should you pull this card in a reading, two main ideas are being presented to you for consideration.

The first is “Open your creativity and belief in yourself and the Universe in order to manifest your ideas. Don’t allow fear of failure or success to prevent you from putting together something that is yours to create.”

The second is “Ideas grow and expand as they are brought into form. Even if you cannot see how things could lead to any form of prosperity

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now, create anyway and allow GOD to show you Divine Will as timing becomes relevant.”

If you have an idea, go for it! Allow Abundance to fill your life and world. Constantly work at identifying all thoughts of lack and limitation and consciously transform them into thoughts of Prosperity and personal power.

Find at least twenty needy people to give money or a service. Open your heart and bless the money, yourself and the person you are giving to as you hand it over. Don’t be concerned with what they do with the money as that is not your problem. Our karma lies only in how generous we are with what we have. As you proceed through the twenty people you will find that the money to give is always there.

After you finish, start again for a greater energy return.

(End of Ision’s section. Ision is currently in the process of having his guide to advanced cord cutting published. Ision is a healer of high repute, a very advanced Reiki Master, who took my technique and applied it to his life, with the dedication that I could not hope to emulate. Keep an eye on the front page of my website for details of where to get his book.)

After cutting everything in this macro multiple times for not only myself but all those I do healing for, my view of money and my feelings towards it have changed completely and it can now be viewed as a free flowing energy and when it is blocked I just need to find the blockage and again the flow returns.

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ChapterSix

I am going to tell you how my diet has evolved over the years. Let us face it, food is a huge issue in this physical life. It was a huge issue even as a child. I always wanted to be vegetarian, I would be forced to sit in front of a plate of congealed fat on old cuts of meat, I would literally rather sit at the table for four hours than gag on this fare. My little sister had it easy, she was allowed to be a vegetarian, and I had to suffer until I was old enough to leave home. My first long term boyfriend was Indian and did he know how to cook up a storm! I learned how to make very nice curries and chapattis and nam breads. I was also influence by West Indian cuisine and learned how to use plantains and sweet potato. When I did not have enough food I would hang around the vegetable market and get leftovers. Even if they were no good for anything else, they were good for vegie soups and stews.

While I was travelling in Israel, I ate chicken because there was not a lot of vegetarian food on offer, and I have loved fish since being a child, although for about 15 years I gave up fish as well to be a real hard core vegetarian. Mind you never did the vegan thing for too long, loved cheese too much for that.

I went with raw food for a little while, but at the time we were travelling through the desert trying to grow bean sprouts in the car at fifty degrees centigrade, that did not last very long. When we reached Queensland, I went with the fruitarian regime for a few months, but on moving down to the cold, old Blue Mountains in New South Wales, I had to add more carbs and protein to my diet.

I did some fasting, sometimes because I had no food, sometimes because I wanted to detox. Doing a fast is not the most difficult part; breaking the fast afterwards is the problem, because you are starving hungry and there is no way you only want to eat fruit for a week or so, then move up to vegetables and slowly introduce all the other food groups. My poor stomach really suffered when I was breaking a fast, especially when that fast was actually forced upon me because of lack of food.

My Mum once commented on my food trolley when she came over when I was about 27 years old. Mum said, “What an interesting mix of junk food and health food you have”. She was quite right, I have always had a chocolate and chip obsession even while the rest of my diet is pretty much vegetable matter.

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I gave up alcohol during my five years with my first husband because of the strict rules we followed for Vipassana meditation. I was still smoking during this time. When I first started going out with my second husband, I was working in a winery and one of the perks was, of course, cheap wine, so I drank a bit back then. When I moved on to work at Milawa cheese factory the focus became goats’ and sheep cheese and a few bottles of good red wine to wash the cheese down. Getting pregnant put paid to all of that. My body never recovered fully after having children, it was a bit of a shock to a 34-year-old body, and I never really consumed much alcohol after having children.

When I became a single mother again when my twins were six months old my diet really took a dive. I was probably consuming frozen meals at my best and the children were living on standard golden oven food and baked beans. No wonder their health was suffering so severely. This all changed when I moved in with my third husband, not because I was now cooking for another adult, but because I took my three children to see a really good Naturopath.

The Naturopath found that the youngest twin girl, who constantly had tonsillitis to the point she was on the waiting list to have her tonsils out, was allergic to dairy, and had a vitamin D deficiency. She found the oldest girl was very gluten and dairy intolerant and was having massive problems absorbing enough calcium and potassium, which was showing up as a heart regulation problem and severe tooth decay. The middle girl seemed to be doing ok, but was having a reaction to hairspray. I decided what was good for one, was good for all of us. Poor husband you might say, but even though I say it myself, I am a good cook. So I took out the offending groups of food, principally dairy and gluten and made lovely meals with other replacement items. I also introduced a stringent regime of vitamins and supplements. The Naturopath said she had never seen kids recover as quickly as mine. This is because when I am told what the rules of good living are, I stick to them, especially when it makes sense to me in my life.

My children have dramatically improved over the years, although we still stick to low dairy and low gluten in our diets and have lots more than the recommended serves of vegetables every day. We do not however now have to take a barrage of vitamins anymore, which is a good thing because they are very expensive.

The last culling I had to do to my diet was tea. I had given away coffee years ago but loved my buckets of tea, preferably Chai tea. The Angels

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had to tell me to get off it twice. The first time was when I started developing heart palpitations during the night because I was drinking way too much. Then I gradually started drinking more and more, which aggravated my herniated stomach with a suspected ulcer. Tea sets up a very acidic environment which is not conducive to healing of ulcers, so I gave away tea for the last time, and now exist of herbal teas alone as I am not a fan of straight water, oh and maybe the odd rice milk hot chocolate.

I still however manage to get in a good few chips and chocolate, even if it is non-dairy chocolate. I am hoping I do not have to give away much more in the food department. It would be a terrible thing to lose your taste buds and eat food to just survive.

One thing that I didn’t mention was that for years and years and even now, I get bouts of candida in the gut. This is where there is an overgrowth of nasty bacteria that ferment all sugar and leave you exhausted, smelling horrible and not able to absorb the vitamins and minerals to keep you healthy. The only way to fix this, is to restore the balance of gut bacteria again, which definitely does not include chips or chocolate.

Cord cutting was useful while giving away these various foods, in that when the caffeine cravings kicked in, it helped quell them, but as far as a magic bullet went, cord cutting was not it. Of course I hoped that by cutting with seeing myself as fat, or the desire to eat, that I could get thin easily.

Food is so integral to everything you do and you have to eat food, so if your desires are not being met in other areas, you tend to compensate with food. Cord cutting helped in the underlying issues, so that I was left with just eating too much food because I enjoyed the treats. The compromise I have come to, is not to deny myself the treats I enjoy, but to do a healthy work out of an hour a day at the gym, meaning I can still be classed as a bit overweight but be perfectly healthy. This is a balance I can live with. My desire to be thin cannot outweigh my desire to treat myself with chocolate or whatever the latest treat is, and you know what, maybe this is a good thing, what is so wonderful about being thin anyway. Thin is for active teenagers not mothers’ of four!

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ChapterSeven

This chapter is about communication with Angels and Spirit, well my communication to be more precise. Your communication style obviously won’t be just the same but maybe you will see similarities which will help you to realise that communication with angels should be as natural as talking to your friends and family.

How did I first get in contact with angels? Well, I think I covered this in the Abundance of Light book, but hey, a good story can never be told too often. My first real experience of actually getting a very clear message from Angels, was after reading a small book about them and then basically challenging them to come into my life and do something with the mess that it was then.

Soon after I had a vivid dream about my car being lifted up with a huge angel on each corner. A few days later, I was out shopping when a bee flew into the car. I was terrified because my three babies were allergic to just about everything. I stopped the car on a very steep hill, pulled my three children out of their car seats and sat them on the pavement. Two kind ladies came and watched them, then I climbed back in the car and flapped the bee out of the car. I thanked the ladies, got back into the car with my children and it wasn’t until I went to drive away that I realised the car was in neutral with no hand break on. Yes I know that is impossible, it should have crashed into the cars in front of it. It was at this point I knew something really strange was going on in my life, strange but good.

From this point on I really started talking to my angels although at that point I really did not know how to hear their replies except through dreams. For about eight months they provided me with a very clairvoyant housemate. I couldn’t see anything with my third eye back in those days, which is why I styled my technique on sound and feel because most of us have the gift of sound and sensation at our disposal. I also could not hear voices, in other words I was not clairaudient, so I used the pendulum to provide “yes and no” answers and became very adept at intuiting the right questions to ask. That is half the skill, asking the right questions, which in retrospect I now realise, I was getting those questions directly from Spirit.

When I use my hands to touch someone’s etheric body whether in distant healing or in person (makes no difference to me), I basically form in my

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mind the subjects that the person needs cutting with. For instance if I feel a huge pressure down somebody’s back I will say, “are you worrying about support at the moment, has somebody not paid you what they owe you?” They will usually say something like, “how do you know?” I know because that is what the angels are pointing out to me that needs healing.

In my first book are very wordy, repetitive prayers. It was appropriate that I included these in my Abundance of Light book, because it was all about how the Abundance of Light technique was given to me by Spirit. My intention has been honed to the point that now I just have to think Angels and I am connected, next I just have to think of the person or the situation I want to send healing to, and it is done, and I will then get any feedback in the form of thoughts about the prayer I have just shot off. Truly, formal prayers are there just to put you in the right space and to indicate to yourself that this is a conscious connection to the Divine that you are making. When your life becomes about a continuous connection to the Divine, no formal prayers are needed.

A lot of my Angel communications take the form of helping me with the daily grind of living, the shopping, the working of household tasks, finding everything I have lost, helping me with relationships and communication with service providers, although their main task will always be to help me with healing. One of the things in my life I most rely on is my car. Without a working car I feel very vulnerable, having small children who need hospital visits all the time, and having lots of shopping to do to put food in their mouths, a car is my lifeline. (Although my children do not need to go to hospital these days, the foster children I look after certainly do.) My car is a Kia Carnival, a seven seater for all the children in my life. It was diagnosed as having a stuffed ticker in 2011. Having spent $12,500 (Australian dollars) a year before to initially buy the car, I was not happy to say the least. There was a lot of water in the oil, and the water reservoir kept running dry. I prayed for a new car and felt like my prayers were not being answered, so worked out a plan for saving.

It was going to take me a year to save the $8000 needed to replace the motor. During this time, however, my car did the essential trips to the supermarket once a week and the train station car park. For everything else the foster care agency I was with, lent me a car. Now for this car to run for a year, even a week or two, was deemed impossible by my mechanic. Yet that car kept trucking until I had the money to replace its motor. My Angels were looking after me! They also helped me get

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together the $8000, but as with most things in this life it was not an instant fix. I would have preferred an instant lotto win, but maybe there were connections I needed to make, things I needed to learn from the longer route. The point is I survived and I was aware of my Angels help all throughout this troubling period in my life.

I just love the way my mind picks up what the Angels want me to know, most of us know this as pre-cognition. This is one event I had in my journal. “On the weekend I happened to be thinking about the Salvation Army and wondered when they would call round, I had no idea it was that weekend, three minutes later after my musings about the Salvos, they appeared on my doorstep.”

This next one I actually caught the moment my brain waves were being played with. “This one happened a few days ago and was interesting for me. There is a road lane I always get into without fail so that I end up at the intersection in the right lane, well this particular day I got to the point where you choose the lane and I could literally feel my brain being reorganised to make me take the other lane, and I was really confused and thought I am sure I don't usually take this lane anyways then I remembered I don't take this lane and now I am stuck in the wrong lane and just as I am about to move back there is a broken down car in the lane I am usually in. Now this to me is a direct communication with Angels via the brain haze as I call it. It didn't really matter what lane I was in but it was an example of how angels help me make the right decisions all the time, and it is like I caught them in action on the particular thought that they changed my action with.”

Angels also help heaps in the lives of my children here is a journal entry about how they helped me eldest daughter. “My eldest had to go to a day in town at the museum and she had not read the school note properly so she was at school standing around and in runs a boy from her class and says, ‘I shouldn't be here we need to be at the train station now.’ My eldest looked at his dazed expression and realised the angels had been giving him deliberate brain haze to make sure she got to the trip as planned.”

Angels also helped me stand in a queue at the right time to bump into a film making student who happened to need a leading lady in his short film. My eldest played the part and did a great job of it. This was invaluable acting experience and certainly helped the budding filmmaker out.

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Here are a few shopping ones. “Well had a lovely visit with my friend, I took her a bag of stuff I didn't need and she gave me three bags in return. On the way home I happened to be right next to the veggie stand in Woolworths and they announced all fruit and veggies going out at two dollars a bag so I got sixteen dollars’ worth of fruit and vegies things like parsnips potatoes, tomatoes, beetroot, spring onions, oranges, apples, pears, limes so many things. I love my angels they always put me in the right place at the right time.”

“I went to a presentation on sudden infant death syndrome the other day at the foster care agency. I realised my cot was about twenty years old and way out of date and totally not safe. The foster care department gave me 250 dollars to spend on a new one, I wasn’t that impressed as eleven years ago I paid four hundred for my cot, so I wasn’t expecting a lot. However angels reminded me of a baby shop that had a sale on so I scurried over there and ‘loe and behold’ got a Baltic pine cot reduced from $400 to $249.99. My Angels are just brilliant shoppers.”

“I had to buy a mattress for my youngest and it was weighing on my mind, so this morning in bed said to my Angels, ‘Please find me this mattress with ease and minimum of fuss’. I then started to drift back to sleep and as I did, the phrase that came into my mind was, ‘if you snooze you lose!’ I woke up with a start and googled Snooze mattresses and the area I was looking in and I found the perfect mattress on sale at the amount the office had given me and bought it in a flash.”

“Back when my kids were babies, I had this beetle toy/play equipment that they were supported in, in the standing position while they played with toys. It really was a one off and I think way back then cost 150 dollars, a lot of money. Anyway when my kids were about five I gave it to a friend who used it for a while for her baby then she threw it out, she thinks her hubby took it down the charity shop. Now having foster babies I was rather wanting another one, because you can never have too many baby receptacles to my mind. Anyway my Angels suddenly said to me go down to Savers today you will get your beetle bug, I was a bit sceptical but thought they are usually right about these things. You wouldn’t believe it not only did I get a beetle bug I got my old beetle bug for ten dollars. I know it was mine as there were scribbles on it. Not only did I love getting it back for only ten bucks but most of all I loved that my Angels are so spot on its spooky.”

My Angels help me in all areas of communication, that is allowing people to really show their best side, and helping me not to upset them with my

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old “foot in mouth disease”. I used to ask my angels about every post, especially back in the early days and one particular email they told me not to press send. Now I am the kind of person who tests everything so I decided to send it anyway and see what they would do. What they did was amazing, it stayed in my outbox for seven or so months with every other email around it being sent out, but this email just stubbornly stayed there, until I finally agreed with my angels that they are just amazing at their manipulation of technology, and deleted it. Also when I would post something that should not have been posted, the post would miraculously just disappear into the internet ether never to be seen again.

My Angels are wonderful beings to take along to any meeting, they make everyone feel at ease. On difficult phone calls when I have to dispute a Centrelink decision or something like that, they keep me calm and actually help the person to go out of their way to sort the problem out. I never have problems with Telstra because when there is a misunderstanding Angels get me the guy in charge, to personally sort the problem out for me.

When it comes to mending things or keeping them going way past their use by date, my Angels are the tops. They kept my clothes dryer going for years past when it should have died. The car you already know about. Computers they have kept going and made sure that when they finally die that I get all the information off the old hard drive just in time or it can be retrieved once the computer is pulled apart.

When I say “my Angels” you might wonder who I am talking about, I do not think of my angels as individuals so much apart from a few really beloved Angels like Arch Angel Michael, Arch Angel Chamuel, Arch Angel Sandalphon, and a few others. Now having mentioned my gorgeous Angel Chamuel, I have to tell you a few stories about Chamuel.

“I couldn’t find some bolts I needed for the bunk beds in my laundry and Chamuel whispered in my ear that my Ex had left them out in the garage and that is exactly where they were. Then my youngest chucked a dice in the place where my filter is supposed to go in my new dryer and I was cussing and carrying on about how was I going to get that out of that deep hole, then I stopped for one moment and said Chamuel please retrieve it for me, grabbed a skewer and brought it up in one fluid move. They then found the bunk bed ladder for me by showing me a picture of where it was located. So much time and aggravation is saved by using Angels as your memory and knowledge.”

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Chamuel is my lifesaver, so many times a day I lose my keys and purse even though I have special places for them. Whenever I say Chamuel’s name out loud, there it is. He is just as helpful when you forget people’s names or need to find a particular bit of information. He also finds me the best tradespeople and salespeople.

“I borrowed a car from the foster care agency and had to return the car after hours. You have to have these tags to get into the car park after 5pm. As I was going down the ramp the door was just opening, it was somebody else leaving so they let me in. I got inside and realised I had left the tag back at my house so that was the first miracle. Then I got the keys and manual ready to put in the safe and took the safe number out and read it out to myself (unusual in itself) and then thought about keeping the number but didn’t, I put it in with the manual. I closed the safe, turned around and realised I had left the car lights on. I desperately tried to remember the number and came up with an error. I called on Chamuel and hey presto just pressed in the correct number, got the keys out again, turned lights off, locked them in safe again and left the building.”

Angels do not often tell me much about the future, but this particular question was really finance related and they are pretty spot on about such things. “I borrowed a car for a holiday with the agency. The speed camera light had gone off at seven am when I was leaving, but I didn’t know if it was the car in front of me or my car. I asked the Angels if it was my car or the other one and they told me it was the other one. The foster care agency told me it was my fine and I was so upset with my Angels for lying to me. Tonight the Agency sent me an email saying they made a mistake it wasn’t my speeding fine at all, so not only does that save me two hundred and fifty dollars but also it means my Angels were telling me the truth all along.”

Another thing the Angels do is warn me when things are about to happen. I have felt taps on my shoulder when I am not paying enough attention to my driving and am about to be in mortal danger. It is a good job for all the other road users out there that Angels are taking care of me, it makes me a much safer driver.

The Angels always wake me up one minute before a phone call comes in or before the alarm goes off, even if it is two am. I used to get emergency care phone calls from my foster care agency. Before every call the angels would alert me to the fact that something was about to happen about two or three minutes before hand. I so appreciate that. I also know who is

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calling and yes I know we have speed dial now so it doesn’t matter but my Angels provided me with this information long before it was electronically available.

I do communicate a fair bit in dreams also, I have lucid dreams where, realising I am dreaming, I can fly, do extraordinary things, and see my Guides and Angels. There is not always a clear message in these dreams, but I guess they go towards reminding me that I am an eternal soul who is down here for but a short time. For a few minutes, or however long the dream lasts, I get to experience the kind of freedom you will all experience when you pass over.

Here is a dream from my journal, which demonstrates little more than this fact about being a temporary human. “Ok interesting but very exhausting dream last night, maybe the moon was full! I was sitting with lots of people at a party or waiting for something and started to feel very funny. Thought to myself oh I am dying, leaving my body and my view point changed as I sank to the floor and light started to flood my vision. I started to arise and looked back at my body and could see myself lying on the floor. I was really happy I started shooting upwards to find Christ and the crew then I went, oh no still got kids to look after down there, I will have to go back. Went back to my body and she wouldn't let me in and it had already started to decompose and I am desperately fighting with it saying Alyssa I do love you really and I need to come back in. Then I thought yuk I have had enough of this and went upstairs to the nearest window and went to jump out because my reasoning was that if I was dead I couldn’t die again and at the very least I was dreaming and I can always fly in my dreams. Only this time very annoyingly I did a nose dive from the window and felt myself being drawn backwards to my body. Then I woke up very exhausted.”

Ok here is another one. I haven’t yet worked out what I was supposed to take from this dream, but I certainly appreciated my time with Christ while I was having the dream. One of the things I practice is being conscious in the moment during the day and I am sure this has an effect on my level of consciousness during the dream state. “Interesting dream last night: I am zooming upwards, flying through stuff going upwards aware I am dreaming and crying out Christ Christ Christ! Anyway I stop at something Christ wants me to look at, it’s like a wooden surface through which I can see Christs face, then I look a little lower and I see a crest of arms, it’s in four quarters with the top two quarters not as big as the bottom, it’s made from material and two opposing corners are gold

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and the other two are deep purple. It has some funny symbols all over it but I do recognise lots of kids things in the bottom left one like a toy carrot. I then noticed if formed part of a wooden door that was closed. Next I started Zooming again and asked Christ to take me to something else he wanted to show me. He took me to an old tree, like cedar or something and it was clipped over many years so it formed a cave, I went and sat in it and thought what a beautiful place to come when you want some peace. Then I was zooming again but this time Christ said the trip is over and I knew I was about to lose the consciousness of my dream. I was quite impressed however that I managed to stay conscious of the fact I was dreaming long enough to see two things Christ wanted to show me, now as to what they mean I don't know, but I think they are connected to inheritance and family trees.”

I am allowed to ask questions about my future in lucid dreams, but it just does not seem important when I am in that state. I kind of know that no matter how the details play out, that everything will be fine. Death to me is the treat at the end of a life well played. I know I will be reunited with all my Spirit crew when I pass on and I so hope that I will get to spend a very long time in Spirit before I have to incarnate anywhere else.

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ChapterEight

This book would not be complete without a chapter on past lives. Even if you do not really believe in past lives, maybe you can get your head around a parable. The past life information that I come up with is specific to the suffering at hand. Whatever information Angels give will just be a story around the emotional wound that needs to be healed to get rid of the suffering. These past life stories can be used to heal phobias, repair relationships with people, even people you barely know this life. Sometimes people come up with the biggies, like Mother Mary, or Cleopatra or Marc Anthony, this does not mean they are wrong but that something from the lives of those famous people is relevant to their healing at the time. I also believe we can borrow memories off the Akashic record so we can heal things while believing they are our past life memories. It is kind of like a DNA memory that needs healing and a past life memory is the best way to make clear what kind of healing is needed.

I have had many past life recollections but not the cinematic type of experience that Buddha was supposed to have experienced the night before his enlightenment. They were more like feelings and quick flashes of scenes from a previous life. I do not care if they are my real past lives or not; if they serve to bring to light more cords I need to cut for myself, or others then they have done their job. Maybe, just maybe, I haven’t had many lives down here on earth and to be effective down here, I have borrowed memories that can help me understand the experiences of people on earth. Maybe I cannot remember that clearly yet, but one day I will. Either way I have faith that the memory I need will return if necessary.

What I find really rewarding and interesting is when a person I am doing healing with sees a vision of the same thing that I am seeing. This happened the other night with a lady from my healing group. I did not realise that I had never done any past life healing with her; we tend to just concentrate on what cords currently needed cutting. We came up with three past lives: One was a life in Vietnam, where she was a woman in charge of brewing up the local alcohol. She suffered the most unfortunate consequences of this livelihood because she had two husbands who were abusive alcoholics. Both died at sea (although being fishermen this was not unexpected). The abuse did not end when they died because her sons took up where they had left off! Definitely a repeating trend that needed healing.

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The next life was that of a young girl who had not yet reached puberty in Canada. She had a bad argument and ran out in anger and managed to get herself eaten by a bear. Sadly, it was not a quick death. We did some healing for this soul fragment, by this time my friend was feeling significantly lighter.

The last lifetime was the most interesting. It was a very ancient lifetime where once again my friend was female and died before puberty. In this life she was being groomed to become a child sacrifice to the Gods, but in the meantime her psychic powers were being used for the benefit of the temple populous. As I was cutting for the soul fragment attached to this life, mainly about the knowledge that would be returned rather than the horror of the death, my friend could see her own vision of herself being sacrificed.

A few days later my friend rang up and said that she felt a lot more “whole, and complete” and could really feel now, how returning soul fragments helped her.

“I had a healing experience with others in my healing group that I wrote about in my journal which I would like to share with you. Had a bit of a dingdong in healing group, I really took offense to a comment made while doing a healing on me, then the lady said I was sending her pain and bad vibes, another woman stepped in and went to town on me, so felt like I was the one being strung up on a witch hunt, funny how many times I have felt that before. So after cutting and stewing on the situation all day today finally remembered a lifetime where I was the village healer in France and basically it was during the time of the reformation and I was the one hung out for it, during the witch trials and the other ladies involved were among the villagers. As soon as I cut for this life the feeling went away and I stopped stewing on it. Important to remember if you can’t get rid of a feeling by just general cutting keep at it and past lives are so often involved, until you hit jackpot and then it just fades away as if it never was a problem which in reality it never was. I remember my name back in that life, now, I so identify with the sweet wee lass, her name was Emile. The reason she stayed in her watery grave was not due to anger but due to love for these villagers and because she kept my third eye ready for when I needed it this life, she has already visited me once before and given me much more use of my third eye.”

Back in the early days when I was doing a lot of free healing on the internet, I helped a lady who had always suffered from very bad claustrophobia. I found a life for her where she and her sister were kept

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as a man’s slaves. She had done something that he decided to punish with a long slow, horrendous death: The man threw the girl down a deep dark hole probably a dry well. (Maybe the hole was actually an “oubliette” which was often part of a dungeon complex. It is just a hole too deep to get out of. They put the lid on and let people die down there.) She survived the fall and her sister saw where she had been thrown. Her sister came every day to feed her and keep her alive but then one day she was killed as well, so they both died. Yes, while this is a nasty tale of woe you have to remember that the idea is to let the story go, along with the nasty emotions that arose from it. The lady contacted me later and said that her claustrophobia had significantly improved, if not on its way to total healing, since this soul fragment was returned.

There were many other stories of profound changes that came out of past life healings; however, even as I channel the stories, they are already fading from memory. They are just little parables to me that can teach a useful lesson and point out which particular cords need cutting. They are an alternative to feeling over a person’s etheric body and finding the cords that way. Past lives also give the person an intellectual feel for how they ended up with their troubling emotion this life.

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LifeStory(theshortheavilyeditedversion)

I am using no names or places in this account to prevent any embarrassment to those involved in my life.

I came into this world in 1966 in a small town fairly near London, to a Church of England vicar and his wife. I was their first child in their first church parish. I have dim memories of this first house, as I was being bathed as a baby. My parents used to drive me around in their little blue Austin to keep me warm, as petrol was cheaper than gas or wood to keep the house warm. We moved in time to welcome my sisters into the new house in another small town in the Midlands. My sisters were three and four years younger than me. My mother suffered with severe depression. I took on the role of child carer to my sisters.

From a very young age I questioned why I was here and had a deep faith in a loving being, call that God or what you like but I didn’t feel like I was on my own, which considering my circumstances was just as well. At 8 or 9 years old I became a Sunday school teacher after being confirmed into the Christian faith early. I ran a prayer meeting for my friends and basically was right into evangelism (must have been pretty annoying really.) My parents were charismatic Christians, meaning that they sang choruses, played guitars, did laying on of hands healing services, and even exorcisms if it was required (not popular in the Church of England you are considered a bit way out if you conduct exorcisms although it is sanctioned by the church).

Our Vicarage was always filled with people seeking my father’s help, all of us became very adept at helping those in need. We ourselves were as poor as proverbial church mice, raised on free school dinners and hand me down jumble clothes; however, we held a privileged place in society being a well-respected Vicar’s children.

My fourth sister came along when I was 13-years-old and I, having had enough of assisting my other two sisters, refused to have anything to do with her care. My main responsibility was for the two nanny goats we kept in the garage. I would have to milk them before going to school and often at night also. We lived in a major city and they were pegged out in the churchyard to keep the weeds down. I used to take the kids out for walks on a lead although humans took a while to catch on that they were

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actually goats, dogs did not, and I had to be really careful not to take them near any dogs. (There is a picture below which somebody just took outside his house and a year later brought me a copy, seeing as everybody knew I came from the Vicarage.) However I used to take them out because I loved strangers coming up to me and talking about them, I was quite an extroverted child and loved meeting new people.

My parents were paying off a cottage in the country as they didn’t own the vicarage so I often worked on farms on the weekends. I have fond memories of showing prize Hereford bulls at the shows. That was quite a show stopper having a tiny little girl leading round these huge bulls. Mind you there were some scary moments when one bull turned a bit mad and nearly impaled the stockman I worked with. I am glad that I had an opportunity to know the countryside and work outside because I really think I needed the grounding and the connection with mother earth.

By the age of 13, I was seriously searching for enlightenment. I kept that search within Christianity until I was 15 years old when I refused to go to church any more. I began to look around at all the other churches and faiths and went to a lot of different services. The most fun was a gospel choir church where everyone was very friendly, but I didn’t really feel I fitted in there either, which was a shame.

I read voraciously and wanted to find a way out of the suffering of this life. Like most teenagers, I thought a lot about suicide but my belief in the afterlife was so strong I knew I would just get sent straight back again at worse, and at best it would not solve the problem that I was

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running away from by ending my life. I knew I was here to find a better way than death to end suffering. I used to lie in bed at night studying my sensations, I felt that I had done this before in another life as monk or nun and that I had found relief through the study of these sensations. When I finally found Vipassana Meditation through my first husband this made sense.

As a teenager I was seriously searching and seriously rebelling against all traditional views, my parents, and society. At 17 I found magic mushrooms; however the main reason for taking them was not sensual pleasure or escape but one of curiosity and experimentation. I had read much about experiments with LSD in the 60s by Leary and Huxley. One time I had a very religious trip. The green hill of Calvary popped up (the hill Christ was crucified on), then Christ arose on the cross and choirs of angels were singing to me. I was out on a limb eight hours longer than anyone else and was seriously worried I would get stuck there and be committed. Instead of this being beatific it was horrific because I knew this was a bad way to come to this experience. When you experience things of a higher vibration when you are not clear, or ready, or have done the required work, it actually hurts your aura. However my mind has always been strong and I continued to experiment in this way until I reached the point where I realised there is no quick fix, no shortcut to God, and that the pendulum swings too violently with drugs. To experience bliss you must have a very balanced, healthy mind and body.

I worked a Saturday job from the time I was seventeen until I finished ‘A levels’ at eighteen so that I could earn enough money to work abroad on a kibbutz in Israel. I figured this was a way I could travel and support myself at the same time. I wanted away from home, out of the country, out! out! out! when I got out of school. Nowhere was too far away, and I am sure my parents were petrified for me but at the time travelling was a much healthier choice than going to the slums and drug taking.

I set off on my own on a "magic bus" trip across Europe to Athens. Mind you there was nothing magic about this bus: it only made three stops a day for the toilet, the toilet on the bus being broken. It took on a man with a knife in Milan who got chucked out, and frequently left the road as the drivers were out of their minds on uppers to keep them going. Anyway, I finally made it to Athens, my city of disasters. I hooked up with a lovely guy from New Zealand and another English girl and we all took a room together. The English girl left the next day and by mistake took my wallet with all my travellers’ cheques in it. She found out to late to return

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it, and by that time I had to get replacements for all the cheques. The New Zealand guy was amazing; he helped me for three days before I left on the three-day boat trip to Haifa. I was “deck class” but had a ball as I got invited into the first class area to use their pool. We stopped at all the Greek islands, and I really enjoyed the trip apart from the hangovers on the boat, but hey, we all have to learn limits.

When I arrived in Haifa, it was a bit of a culture shock: soldiers everywhere! I made my way to Kefar Blum which is in the North of Israel. It was an incredibly pretty area although the bomb shelters were always there reminding you of the harsh reality of life. It was a large kibbutz with about forty international volunteers. I worked on my own in the orchard kitchen, which suited me, cooking for about thirty or so orchard workers. I remember one day we had an earthquake and all the cups and plates jumped off the shelves! That was a bit frightening as I had no idea what was going on at the time.

I was billeted with a born-again Christian lady. I found living with her a bit heavy going, especially since I was still in my rebellious phase, drinking too much, etc.; however, she probably saved me from a worse fate as it was a very licentious environment. There were many parties going on down by the Jordan River that even I would not go to as they were too wild. The worst night was when I drank far too much and collapsed in the toilet. A Dutch guy had to crawl in through a window to let me out. Then I proceeded to walk into a cactus and a fan and cut my toe to pieces. Beware the spirits that come in bottles; don’t worry about the ones flying around, lol! These excesses, however, did teach me my

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limits very quickly and I know I had good Angels watching out for me because nothing particularly bad happened as a result of these games.

I made a friend of an English lad who's girlfriend actually slit her wrists while she was there (I was the one who found her, she was ok, but immediately got sent back to England). After his girlfriend was sent back, he asked me to travel with him around Israel and Egypt. We hitchhiked around Israel with no money, and I mean no money, we were starving by the time we got to Lake Galilee. Luckily, we knew a volunteer who after spending time at Kefar Blum had found a job at the water park; she risked her job to bring us pita breads and tomato sauce which lasted us for three days travel.

Another time we were given a lift into Jerusalem from a man who had just lost his wife. He went thirty miles out of his way just because we listened to him. He sent us off with enough money to buy a really good feed and a bit of travel, too. The best encounter, though, was at one of the beaches in Egypt where a man from Alexandria was having a party. He wanted to videotape him and his mates having a wonderful time with all the Europeans there. He invited them all to a beach disco. He had a generator, food and drink galore. Oh what a feast! We hadn’t eaten for three days, and we were nearly sick when we ate that much in one sitting. That was some party.

Later on I visited the Holocaust Museum. That was certainly not very enjoyable; I almost threw up there, too. One of the exhibits was a lampshade made of human skin.

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I basically visited the whole of the holy land as a beggar, an authentic way to see Christ’s homeland I feel.

After three-and-a-half months of travel, I made my way back to England. I moved in with my first real boyfriend, a young Indian man, whose family taught me to make the most wonderful hot curries and chapattis. I lived in the poorest area of England’s second biggest city, Birmingham. I was there during the Handsworth riots and found myself face to face with riot police; luckily, angels guided me along back streets out of harm’s way, but it was a really frightening display of mob behaviour. That life on social security where I was living day-to-day, often without food or electricity (electricity was metered and we often ran out of money for it), living it up on dole day partying wildly, and dying of boredom the rest of the time, was not my idea of fun. It took me about two years to totally rid myself of a nasty addiction to victim hood and squalor.

During this time I took a very cheap flight to Morocco for a month, this was another test of faith in God. Having very little money, I teamed up with another very poor lady from England. We travelled to the South of Morocco and were fortunately cared for by a family of Moroccans on the beach. They likely prevented a rape as two women alone are easy targets and we were being hassled by a very dubious character, known to the Moroccan family as trouble. They took us up to their mountain home and gave us food and shelter. The fact that I was a beggar in their country let me experience firsthand the generosity of these humble, generous people. Despite having very little, they shared whatever they did have with someone who was not even a Muslim; and by their standards did not have a very high social standing at all. I walked around their country with bare feet because for three years I refused to wear shoes. They called me an “English Burba”, mind you the cactus prickles finally made me get a pair of sandals for the remainder of the trip.

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My friend was nearly taken away by police on the way back: her passport was stolen and rather than get the child who stole it into trouble, she took the risk and travelled without papers which was illegal in Morocco. Luckily for her, the man who sat next to her on the bus bribed the police to let her stay on, and it was a miracle that he did for without that she would have been flung in jail with little way out. Not so luckily, however she had to put up with his amorous attention all the way to Casablanca.

To cap a wonderful trip back up the country, in Casablanca I stepped out of the bus over a dying man who actually breathed his last while I was there. I started to realise how lucky I was to have been born in England and have the freedom to travel even though at this point I was bottom of the pile in England.

I returned to England at Christmas time and was hit with extreme culture shock. I returned from a poor Muslim country to be hit with full on commercialism in London; the cold climate knocked me for six and I spent that Christmas with severe flu. I was given a council flat and it was the most depressing hole on earth, well my little bit of earth at the time. I painted a picture of Buddha that was visible in my window. The local kids smashed my windows because of it and trashed my flat with mud. I knew I had to get out of there fast.

I took a job picking fruit in Sussex, camping on the job. Here I met my first husband to be. He was over in England on a working holiday from Australia. He was eleven years my senior and had just come from a three

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month trip around India and a severe case of dysentery. He and his stories fascinated me. I sat for long evenings with him after apple-picking and listened to him playing the didgeridoo and talking of his Vipassana meditation retreats. It amazed me that anyone could sit for ten days, from four in the morning until nine at night, just contemplating their sensations and not talk to anyone.

We decided to hook up and travel to Europe to find fruit-picking work. We spent a very unsuccessful two weeks traipsing around France trying in all the wrong places to find grape picking work. Eventually we gave up and took a bus to Greece. On the bus we met a man who often worked in the greenhouses in Crete. This is where we headed, to the little village of Mirtos. I learned how to read and speak Greek from a little book as nobody there spoke English. I basically supported my husband-to-be, while we were there because it was very hard for men to get work there. The main reason for this was because when the Greek men worked in the greenhouses, all they wanted to do was chase around the young European women, many of whom would apparently find bedding them easier than the greenhouse work!

I spent a lot of time literally running from tomato plant to tomato plant. This was not a very pleasant experience and put me off learning the Greek language to any greater depth. The women we met were lovely but unless you were widowed or under eight years old in that society, you were not allowed to socialise. I came to realise that I had it really good being born into a Western society and that women in other countries had little or no choice in how they lived their lives.

I decided to ask my parents to lend me the money to go to Australia with my husband-to-be. He had to return to Australia a month before me as his ticket was about to run out, and I still had to wait for my Visa. I ended up doing the two things a close friend in Mirtos told me not to do, I ended up going to the wrong bank for my money and I ended up being raped. Now, no one asks to be raped; however, even after being warned, I put myself in a compromising position, and after being locked in a soundproof building it was safer to be passive than fight. Afterwards I couldn't report it. If I had, the police would have deported me and done nothing to the man.

Familiar old story, I once again had no money. I had to borrow money off someone even to leave Mirtos and pay the rent owed, and so I was desperate for the money from my parents to arrive. I kept checking the bank I thought it was to go to and of course, it never arrived at that

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bank. I went without food for two weeks. The hotel where I was staying was actually a brothel, and the manager was taking me downstairs to meet the girls. In other words I was totally at the lowest I have ever been. I used to sit below the Acropolis every day and pray for hours on end. Eventually I decided to take myself an English-speaking Greek boyfriend just to be able to eat as I had started hallucinating from lack of food. I walked past a particularly ostentatious looking bank with my new temporary boyfriend and said, “What an ugly bank”. Then I looked again and realised that it was the bank my money was in. I knew this because I had never walked down the street from the bank I was waiting at, and realised that when I had arranged for the money to be sent, somehow the number and the name of the bank had got mixed up. I still had to wait two days for it to open as it was the weekend, however I have never felt so happy.

I bought the first ticket out of Greece. Unfortunately, it was the time of the Bicentennial celebrations and when I reached Singapore, I was told that there were no connecting flights for three months! I was once again praying hard. A man came round the airport showing pictures of his flat and said for the princely sum of a dollar I and the young people I had teamed up with, could sleep on his floor. Luckily after three days of haunting the airport I found a seat on a British Airways plane.

When I arrived in Australia I felt that I had come home for the first time in my life. I took the overnight train to Mildura, and my first real view of Australia was the sun rising over the Mallee trees. Quite amazing! Here I was to meet my husband-to-be and pick grapes to pay back my flight to Australia. I was married after six months and our honeymoon was pruning grapes in Mildura.

I had by this time done a Vipassana course and this was the force that drove me and my husband for five years. The work we did was hard and dirty but our meditation revived us and we helped each other become stronger in our meditation.

We travelled throughout Australia, every state except Tasmania in a HJ panel van (the shagging wagon as they were called although in this case it was far more than that, it was our home). We trekked through the desert in this panel van, even across the harsh Tanami desert; quite an experience in a two wheel drive car I can tell you!

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We picked and pruned most things and when the work ran out, we moved on. This was an amazing time in my life and I thank God and my first husband for such an opportunity.

I was however also yearning to have children and this was not in his plans. After settling in Wangaratta for about six months we decided to separate. The break-up was very painful as I still loved him very much, however we remain great friends to this day.

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After that I did a programming course that lasted a year and also became involved in a very dead end relationship with a man eighteen years my senior. There was a whole rescuer, victim, and abuser dynamic going on in the relationship that had to be worked through. He was very sick, and I funnily enough, became attracted to doing nursing at this time. I tried to do a Bachelor of Nursing degree in Wodonga. I lived in a caravan during the week and travelled back to my partner on the weekends. I worked eighty-eight hours a week on my university work as I didn’t have a life. I won awards and came away with high distinctions, but as one lecturer said when I decided to leave after eighteen months, "You are brilliant at anything you do, but the real trouble is you still haven’t decided what you want to do yet" She was so right. I knew I wanted to be a healer but not in the way the system offers for nurses.

Due to all the stress of overwork, a bad relationship, and unhappy choices, my health reached a critical point. I developed very severe respiratory troubles and started having problems with my heart. It was decision time: get out or die. I walked away; not only from nursing but also the partner, and went back to agricultural work.

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At the time I was very into re-enactments and this is where I met my second husband. Historical re-enactments are very popular in Australia. All sorts of periods of history are covered and all of you spend weekends camping out in Tepees, tents and log cabins, dressed in period costumes, eating burnt offerings from cauldrons and open fire grill plates (as long as the rain is not too torrential, then you just eat sandwiches).

My second husband had a farm on the outskirts of Melbourne, so after years in the country, I took that huge leap and gradually became a city girl again. We were very eager to have children and thank God this was the man to father my three girls.

My journey towards motherhood was a rocky one. I had an ectopic pregnancy many years back. It was actually very dramatic. I was working in the bush 300 Km from Alice Springs and collapsed just on dusk with incredible pain. I knew I was pregnant and I had started bleeding, never a good sign, friends rushed me to the bush nurse. It was just going dark and there were no landing lights on the airstrip, yet the nurse knew if she sent me by road to hospital I would bleed to death. The Royal flying doctors risked their lives flying in with just the lights of a four wheel drive to pick me up and fly me to Alice Springs Hospital.

I was told that although I would be ok, that I had lost the baby, one fallopian tube, and that the other one was useless due to Pelvic inflammatory disease. Quite a blow as I had always wanted children. I always knew in the back of my mind that I would have a miracle later on down the track. I had reconstructive surgery on the remaining tube but still failed to get pregnant for years.

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I remarried and finally fell pregnant when I was thirty-three years old. I had my first daughter and two years later I had twins, non-identical, quite a miracle by anyone’s standards. It was, however a massive shock at the time to hear that I was pregnant with twins. I was lucky in that I found out very early at five weeks. I was also very lucky in that there were no major medical problems; however, just carrying twins is quite a feat. I couldn't walk after about 24 weeks, as walking would cause me to go into labour. I still wanted to shop, however, and with no home shopping available I would hire an electric wheelchair and direct my husband around the supermarket. I obviously couldn’t drive as I was too huge to get behind the wheel. At 34 weeks my waters broke, much to my delight, because by this time I couldn't sleep, eat, or breathe without difficulty. I ended up having a caesarean birth, the twin girls were in intensive care nursery for only a week; I think the fact that I breast fed certainly helped, not so sure breast feeding did my health any good.

This was just the beginning of a hugely difficult period in my life, the girls and I were constantly ill; we were in and out of hospital like yoyos. When the twins were six months old my husband and I separated. It was finally discovered that we had a mould in our rented house that was killing us all, so I then became homeless. Thankfully this situation lasted only for ten days, after which I found another home and my life was changed for ever by the wonderful healing technique that I was given.

When my twin girls were born, shadow was all I could see. I don't remember much clearly at all, except I know at the time there was a feeling of absolute desperation, (which has since been healed so that feeling is no longer there). Severe sleep deprivation alone makes somebody very depressed, but when you add that to the trials of being very sick yourself, your new born children being very sick, an unstable relationship and all family support in another country, you have a recipe for disaster. All I could think at the time was, “just get through today, just today”. Somehow I managed by taking very little steps, this was definitely not the time for long term planning and goal setting, other than to get up and help my children be happy for that day.

During this time I had extreme muscle weakness and some days I could not walk properly. I still had to do the shopping though, so I used to load my double pusher up with all three children and lean on it myself for support. A number of times I collapsed with an irregular heartbeat and was taken to hospital; however, the medical community could not put their finger on what was going on. I was having investigations at the time

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for a rare muscle weakness disease called myasthenia gravis, as my mother has it. My neurologist put me in hospital for a number of tests. It was during this period of a few months (this was after I escaped the house full of life threatening mould) that I really started calling on God to help me in the form of Angels and Christ. As I talked in my head and often out loud to these beings, I was quite clearly given the choice of, compromise and disability, or a total miracle and the happily ever after scenario.

Now for those of you who have never been in this situation, you might say, “well of course you would choose the miracle”. I did, however, have to think about this one for a couple of days. The only way I can explain this reluctance to take complete healing is that you get used to battling constantly and forget there is anything else in life. You also know that if you do get your total miracle you will have to acknowledge this and change your life accordingly.

Fortunately, or I would not be writing this to you today, I chose the miracle. I returned to my neurologist who was a lovely man and told him that I had been praying and all my symptoms had disappeared. He was very happy and said, “Yes I see some unusual things in my practice and sometimes shocks or faith can turn myasthenia gravis off, in the same way often a shock can turn it on. People have latent possibilities in their bodies and making decisions in your mind has a huge effect on your body”.

From this point on, my health steadily improved. My children’s’ health still needed a lot of work. Both of the twins had severe asthma and allergies, along with a few other medical conditions. All three children basically came down with a new virus each weekend (amazing how children always seem to wait until the weekend when there are no doctors available), and we were still making very regular trips to the Royal Children’s Hospital.

With my newly-expanded spiritual awareness I soon realised there was something wrong in their bedroom. When I stepped in there, a great sense of sadness overwhelmed me, and the plants kept dying in there, a sure sign something was amiss. I had not started using the pendulum at this time to ask questions, so I just spent some time alone sitting in there. I was told there was an old man still there who was very worried about the house and his old earth life. I placed some salt in a little cup in the bathroom and bedroom. (Salt is cleansing and draws on the etheric level as well as the physical. You need to change this salt every day.) I ended up using it for a week.

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I asked Arch Angel Michael and the other Angels to come and assist the old man to find his friends in the spirit world and be taken back to the light. I experienced a great sense of lightness as I made this request. The plants actually started to thrive in the bedroom after this. I actually bought two additional small trees in pots, to put in the girls bedroom at night. The idea behind this was that the elemental beings attached to the plants, help clear a sick persons aura. You need to give the plants a breath of fresh air during the day to help heal them.

It was a few weeks later that the angels started to download the “Abundance of Light” technique to me. Of course my children were the first ones to benefit from this technique. I am happy to say my doctor rarely sees us and we no longer know people from the hospital on a first name basis.

If you are suffering, know that it will pass, but do call on the power of love, the creator, to help you, just be willing to listen to the suggestions when they come, for suggestions they are, you still have to implement them into your life. God never forces you to do anything. It is up to you to choose happiness and joy in your life.

The first way I tried to get this technique out there was by starting an MSN group called, funnily enough, Abundance of Light. Through this group, and by having my phone number freely available, I healed people totally for free every hour God gave me. This meant I healed myself of my gross sufferings in a very short space of time. During this time I started a healing group at my home and through this met my third husband who was looking for healing for his teenage daughter.

I realised I needed to be in control of my own online home and having done an advanced certificate in computer programming realised I could teach myself how to do it. I really enjoy programming and from this little idea my online home was created. (http://AbundanceofLight.com )

My close brushes with death actually forced me to give my life to God rather than die. In September 2003 this technique was channelled to me and I realised what a gift I had been given immediately. Here was a tool to be used to speed up the enlightenment process by lifetimes. My every effort since then has been to share the healing and love with all beings so that we may all benefit from this marvellous gift from God.

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WHAT I AM HERE TO BE IS LOVE

HOW I EXPRESS THAT LOVE IS THE JOURNEY

AlyssaMaryRose.com

AbundanceOfLight.com