Abortion: The Great Incest Cover-Up ... A Young Mother's Story

by Denise Kalasky

[Excerpted from "Victims and Victors: Speaking Out About their Pregnancies, Abortions, and

Children Resulting from Sexual Assault." Copyright 2000, David C. Reardon, Julie Makimaa,

and Amy Sobie.]

I was a victim of incest, one of the "hard cases" for abortion. I was raped by my father when I

was 15 years old. It was not the first time, nor would it be the last. However, this time, I became

pregnant.

One night, I became very sick and my parents took me to the hospital. I believe now that they

knew I was pregnant since they took me to a different hospital than normal. The emergency

room doctor discovered that, along with a very bad case of the flu, I was 19 weeks pregnant.

My father flew into a rage, accusing me of all sorts of things, and demanding I have an abortion.

The doctor informed me that I was pregnant and asked me what I wanted. I had seen the "Silent

Scream" and knew that abortion was murder. In spite of the pain and guilt I felt, knowing who

the father of the baby was, it was far better to have a baby than the alternative to kill it. I refused

to have an abortion.

My father flew into an uncontrollable rage and demanded that I consent to the abortion, or that

the doctor do it with or without my permission. The doctor refused because of my wishes. My

father demanded that an abortionist be found regardless of the cost.

Within one hour, this man arrived at the hospital, talked with my parents and decided to do the

abortion, without speaking to me. I refused and tried to get off the examining table. He then

asked three nurses to hold me while he strapped me to the bed and injected me with a muscle

relaxant to keep me from struggling while he prepared to kill my baby.

I continued to scream that I didn't want an abortion. He told me, "Shut up and quit that yelling!"

Eventually, I was placed under general anesthesia and my child was brutally killed.

I was told that an abortion would solve my problem, when it was never really the problem in the

first place. I was told, "Your parents know what's best," when they obviously were only

concerned about their own reputations. I was told, "You made the right decision," when I was

never given a choice. More important, where was my baby's choice?

I grieve every day for my daughter. I have struggled to forget the abuse and the abortion. I can

do neither. All I think of is, "I should have done more, fought more, struggled more for the life of

my child."

My situation may not be common, but I know it's not unique either. The emotions and problems

I've had to deal with as a result of my abortion are common. The trauma of the rape and abuse

were only intensified by the abortion. The guilt of knowing my baby is dead is something I will

have to live with for the rest of my life.

I was violated and betrayed over and over by my father, who God created to love and protect me.

I was humiliated, hurt, and violated again by the abortionist.

I have talked with "pro-lifers" who consider my abortion acceptable, under the circumstances. I

want to tell people, "If you really want to be compassionate, give this mother the opportunity to

choose life for her child. If you really love the mothers who have been victimized, don't let them

be exploited again by someone who will make a profit from their dead child a memory that will

haunt them for the rest of their lives."

The next time you hear of the "hard cases," please remind people that every crisis pregnancy is

difficult for the mother. If you believe these cases are hard, you're correct they are extremely

hard for the mother. But if you choose abortion, it's an IMPOSSIBLE situation for the baby.

The mom needs love, support and understanding, not the pain of allowing herself to be violated

again in order to kill her child. Regardless of the circumstances, regardless of the pain involved,

that helpless, innocent child has no voice, no defense, and no chance, unless we offer real love

and real compassion to the mother.

My abortion was over five years ago. God is still healing me, but it has been a difficult fight.

Although I'm actively pro-life, very few people know my story. It's still very difficult to share

with people.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3) God bless you!

Reaction:

I dont think its right for a woman to get pregnant and get an abortion just because she just "isnt

ready" or "just dont want one right now" ..i think that abortion should only be used in serious

situations such as ,god forbid, if a woman gets raped..or if its a medical issue.

other than that..every baby deserves a chance..and if your not ready to be a parent there are

LOTS who cant have kids and would love to have that baby!

Abortion kills an unborn child. If you are pregnant and do not want the child, please give it up

for adoption. There are many wonderful families looking to adopt.

Yet there are thousands of kid who aren't adopted and never will be because ppl who wants to be

parents so bad are choosy! No babies are aborted, it's embryos and fetuses who is a part of a

womans body, not a life on their own. I'm for every woman to have the choice to decide over

their own body.

Positive Peer Pressure

Peer Support is Peer Pressure Gone Good

Aug 22, 2006 Khadijah Ali-Coleman

Youth workers and programs can utilize peer support in promoting positive youth development.

Peer supporting is a two-way stream in learning and empowerment.

Gang formation is an example of the negative direction the search for membership and belonging

can take. The concept of a fashion trend with a large following also exemplifies the need of the

masses to feel connected and part of a group while expressing themselves and attracting

attention. Ultimately, both choices typically begin, subtly or more overtly, as peer pressure. Peer

pressure is a successful tool for bullies because it preys on this human need that surface most

readily in adolescence to fit in and belong to a group. The positive aspect of peer pressure,

however, is peer support. Peer support is peer pressure turned on its head.

The scholars from the Academy for Educational Development write on their website, "Youth

development is not a highly sophisticated and complicated prescription for "fixing those troubled

kids." Youth development is about people, programs, institutions and systems who provide all

youth-"troubled" or not-with the supports and opportunities they need to empower themselves."

In essence, youth are actively developing-for better or for worse. Youth workers and programs

make positive youth development happen when they intentionally provide services and engage

youth in activities within a safe environment that allow them to express themselves, feel part of a

group, test new skills and experience achievement. The reality is that if not guided toward

positive choices and provided with ample opportunities to explore, express and garner attention,

youth will create their own opportunities or find avenues that may not be those deemed socially

acceptable. They will also be more apt to make negative choices if they do not have "buy-in" to a

particular activity. Buy-in-the perceived personal benefit and/or investment -is often fueled if the

given activity or opportunity is something modeled and/or enjoyed by a peer. Peer support--

positive peer pressure--aids in youth development.

Reaction:

As a teenager in today's world, I see that our lives our a constant product of peer pressure

and that our minds are often swayed from what may be considered better judgment because

of how those around us feel. Peer pressure can come from any and everywhere and in every

aspect of your life. You can be five or ninety-five but yet, we are all victims of peer

pressure. I would like to talk about some areas of this, sometimes too often-dreadful thing

that we call peer pressure.In our lives today, we are convinced that drugs, alcohol, sex, and

things of that aspect are all right but only as long as that is what everyone else is doing. I am

not going to sit here and throw stones at those who have made their life choices because I

am not perfect. All I can say is like the great author, Ralph Waldo Emerson said in his

essay, Self-Reliance, "Man is his own star; and the soul that can Render an honest and a

perfect man, Commands all light, all influence, all fate; Nothing to him falls early or too

late. Our acts our angels are, or good or ill, Our fatal shadows that walk by us still."

 

True love Waits

Well there's a guy i met in the summer when i spent the night and my friend's house and he was

really ugly but had a sweet side. So this guy and I talked about things we're doing this summer

and who do we like well I said I like Spencer(i liked spencer since kindergarten) He said he liked

this girl who showed him that he could do anything he put his mind to and even a dork can fall

inlove with a angel. I started to laugh because well for me it just sounded stupid. That was the

last time i saw him that summer. Well a few weeks later it was my school orientation and since

I'm a cheerleader for my school we had to go and give tours around the school. I found the same

guy from summer. So we started talking about what classes we have and who we like again.

Well this time he said there's this girl who goes to our school and he thinks she hardly notices. I

asked who is it. He said I can't tell you because I'm scared. Well why are you scared i asked. He

said because the girl he likes is somebody you know. And then he lefted so he could find his

classes leaving me to ponder.

About i don't know a month later I went to a football game with some friends. Well another boy

said do you like Josh?(the guy i talked to at orientation and durning the suumer) I said no

because i don't know anything about him besides he likes a girl I know very well. Well the boy

and the game said you know he likes you. That's all he ever talks about and all he'll ever date is

you. I was a little more than shocked. I thought he was talking about one of my friends. So the

boy at the game said he would ask Josh to ask me out. Well each time he tried he would have

some troubles. So sincec he was having troubles I tried getting to knowing him more. I soon

realized that i was sorta liking this boy.

Then on my birthday he gave me a gift I'll never forget and it was a whole book on me and how

much he liked me. That night i read it and I just sobbed. Nobody ever wrote down so manyy

things about me. he wrote about some of the things i would have never thought i did untill now.

And so now i end this story with this happy ending. About 2 weeks after my Birthday I went out

with Josh. We do about everything together and you can barley spearate us. And each day he has

written me a note with something odd I did that day.

Hope you can find love like i did.

Reaction:

Depends on how long of relationship u have had with the guy..Cause it just could be a major

crush..let time play a major role in this situation..Over time if u still feel the same way for the

guy than yes it could be love.But if u don't feel the same way or passionately than it just was a

phase... so if its love it can wait forever.

Stress management article

All humans suffer from stress. Like happiness or grief, it can't be avoided. In response to daily

stresses our bodies have physical reactions including: increases in blood pressure, changes in

heart rate, respiration and metabolism. Since everyone is different, the real key is determining

your personal tolerance levels for stressful situations.

If you manage stress, instead of letting stress manage you, a balanced life is possible. Here are

some suggestions for managing stress in your everyday life.

Dispel the myths of stress. Stress is everywhere so there is nothing I can do about it. Not true!

You can arrange your life so stress does not overwhelm you. Managing stress through effective

planning, prioritizing and various coping methods should be your goal.

When dealing with a large problem, break it down into smaller parts. If you have major house

cleaning to accomplish, pick out one job and concentrate on getting it done. Once that task is

complete, pick out another and so on. There's an old quip: How do you eat an elephant....one bite

at a time!

Shed the imagine of perfection. The need to do everything perfectly and quickly is sure to build

stress. Superman and Superwoman live in comic books, meaning they don't exist in real life.

When life seems too complicated, make a list of your priorities. List the things which absolutely

must get done. Then, start to eliminate or delegate. Next, to be fair to yourself, prepare a list of

things you would choose to do. Determine what things are really important to you. Then, for

everything you have to do, select one thing you choose to do next.

Always remember you have choices. Stressed-out people tend to forget this simple fact. When

things seems impossible, say to yourself, (or out loud) "I have a choice. I can do things

differently and the world won't fall apart." If your dishes don't get washed until tomorrow, it's not

a big deal.

Visualize the stressful situation and how you can handle it better. Many people feel these

"rehearsals" boost self-confidence and give them a positive approach to the task at hand.

Meditation or quiet time may help. Ten to twenty minutes of quiet reflection can restore calm

and put your troubles in the proper perspective.

Set a realistic time schedule. Anyone can set a schedule, but the key word is realistic.

Interruptions happen, car batteries die and the phone rings six times when it usually only rings

twice. Much as we might like it, life cannot be timed down to the minute. Leave space in your

schedule for the unexpected.

Others won't always measure up to our expectations. Don't be disappointed or frustrated when

this happens or spend time trying to change that individual. We all have our virtues and

shortcomings, so be flexible. Remember the tree that bends in the wind lasts longer than the

unyielding tree which breaks.

Strive for balance in your life. A balanced life consists of relaxation time, hobbies, exercise,

family time, and work time. If others find time for all these things, you can too!

Reaction:

Stress management is the amelioration of stress and especially chronic stress often for the

purpose of improving everyday functioning.

Stress produces numerous symptoms which vary according to persons, situations, and severity.

These can include physical health decline as well as depression.

It may seem that there’s nothing you can do about your stress level. The bills aren’t going to stop

coming, there will never be more hours in the day for all your errands, and your career or family

responsibilities will always be demanding. But you have a lot more control than you might think.

In fact, the simple realization that you’re in control of your life is the foundation of stress

management.

Managing stress is all about taking charge: taking charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your

schedule, your environment, and the way you deal with problems. The ultimate goal is a

balanced life, with time for work, relationships, relaxation, and fun – plus the resilience to hold

up under pressure and meet challenges head on.

COMPLICATION OF PREGNANCY

Complications of pregnancy are the symptoms and problems that are associated with

pregnancy. There are both routine problems and serious, even potentially fatal problems. The

routine problems are normal complications, and pose no significant danger to either the woman

or the fetus. Serious problems can cause both maternal death and fetal death if untreated.

Maternal routine problems

Back pain Common, particularly in the third trimester when the patient's center of gravity has

shifted. Treatment: mild exercise, gentle massage, heating pads, paracetamol (acetaminophen),

and (in severe cases) muscle relaxants or narcotics

Carpal tunnel syndrome Occurs in between an estimated 21% to 62% of cases, possibly due to edema. [1]

Constipation Cause: decreased bowel motility secondary to elevated progesterone (normal in

pregnancy), which can lead to greater absorption of water. Treatment: increased PO fluids, stool softeners, bulking agents Drinking plenty of water

and eating fruit and fiber enriched foods often help

A woman experiencing sudden defecation should report this to her practitioner.

Contractions occasional, irregular, painless contractions that occur several times per day are normal

and are known as Braxton Hicks contractions Caused by: dehydration

Treatment: fluid intake

regular contractions (every 10-15 min) are a sign of preterm labor and should be assessed by cervical exam.

Dehydration Caused by: expanded intravascular space and increased Third Spacing of Fluids Treatment: fluid intake

Complication: uterine contractions, which may occur because dehydration causes body release of ADH, which is similar to oxytocin in structure. Oxytocin itself can cause uterine contractions and thus ADH can cross-react with oxytocin receptors and also cause contractions.

Edema Caused by: compression of the inferior vena cava (IVC) and pelvic veins by the uterus

leads to increased hydrostatic pressure in lower extremities. Treatment: raising legs above the heart, patient sleeps on her side

Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) Caused by: relaxation of the lower esophageal sphincter (LES) and increased transit time

in the stomach (normal in pregnancy) Treatment: antacids, multiple small meals a day, avoid lying down within an hour of

eating, H2 blockers, proton pump inhibitors

Hemorrhoids Caused by: increased venous stasis and IVC compression leading to congestion in venous

system along with increased abdominal pressure secondary to constipation. Treatment: topical anesthetics, steroids, treatment of constipation

Pica cravings for nonedible items such as dirt or clay. Commonly, patients will be placed on

ice chips to chew on instead of these nonedible items.

Lower abdominal pain Caused by: rapid expansion of the uterus and stretching of ligaments such as the round

ligament. Treatment: paracetamol (acetaminophen)

Increased urinary frequency Caused by: increased intravascular volume, elevated GFR (glomerular filtration rate), and

compression of the bladder by the expanding uterus. Patients are advised to continue fluid intake despite this. Urinalysis and culture should be ordered to rule out infection, which can also cause increased urinary frequency but typically is accompanied by dysuria (pain when urinating).

Varicose veins Caused by: relaxation of the venous smooth muscle and increased intravascular pressure. Treatment: elevation of the legs, pressure stockings

relieve swelling and pain with warm sitz bath.

Avoid obesity, lengthy standing or sitting, constrictive clothing and constipation and bearing down with bowel movements

Diastasis recti or abdominal separation Caused by: excessive stretching of the abdominal muscles. Treatment: paliative care, surgery and/or rehabilitation after childbirth

Serious maternal problems

The following problems originate mainly in the mother.

Pelvic girdle pain (PGP) Caused by: PGP disorder is complex and multi-factorial and likely to be represented by a

series of sub-groups with different underlying pain drivers from peripheral or central nervous system, altered laxity/stiffness of muscles, laxity to injury of tendinous/ligamentous structures to ‘mal-adaptive’ body mechanics. Musculo-Skeletal Mechanics involved in gait and weightbearing activities can be mild to grossly impaired. PGP can begin peri or postpartum. For most women PGP resolves in weeks after delivery but for some it can last for years resulting in a reduced tolerance for weightbearing activities.

Treatment: The degree of treatment is based on the severity. A mild case would require rest, rehabiltation therapy and pain is usually manageable. More severe cases would also include mobility aids, strong analgesics and sometimes surgery. One of the main factors in helping women cope is with education, information and support. Many treatment options are available.

Serious fetal problems

The following problems occur in the fetus or placenta, but may have serious consequences on the mother as well.

Ectopic pregnancy (implantation of the embryo outside the uterus)Main article: Ectopic pregnancy

Caused by: Unknown, but risk factors include smoking, advanced maternal age, and prior damage to the Fallopian tubes.

Treatment: If there is no spontaneous resolution, the pregnancy must be aborted either surgically or by the drug methotrexate.

Placental abruption (separation of the placenta from the uterus)=

Main article: Placental abruption

Caused by: Various causes; risk factors include maternal hypertension, trauma, and drug use.

Treatment: Immediate delivery if the fetus is mature (36 weeks or older), or if a younger fetus or the mother is in distress. In less severe cases with immature fetuses, the situation may be monitored in hospital, with treatment if necessary.

Multiple pregnanciesMain article: Multiple birth#Risks

Multiples may become monochorionic, sharing the same chorion, with resultant risk of twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. Monochorionic multiples may evenbecome monoamniotic, sharing

the same amniotic sac, resulting in risk of umbilical cord compression and entanglement. In very rare cases, there may be conjoined twins, possibly impairing function of internal organs.

YAZAR, GRACE ANN

BSN IV-9

“ DEKADA 70 ”

Dekada 70 journeys with the central character Amanda Bartolome , the reticent wife of an alpha-male husband, and the worrying mother of a boisterous all-male brood. Thoroughly relegated to domesticity in a world slathered in testosterone, Amanda begins to undergo a transformation when her family becomes imbricated in the sociopolitical realities brought about by the Marcos dictatorship. The declaration of Martial Law, the lifting of the writ of habeas corpus, the curfews and police searches, all these could have easily floated past Amanda's head

had her sons not found themselves caught in the crossfire between the government and the pro-democracy movements. As one son after another faces the oppressive forces of the dictatorship, Amanda gradually realizes that the personal is political. While chanting slogans for sociopolitical change, she finds her own voice and comes to terms with the fullness of her own person.

Dekada 70 is the story of a family caught in the middle of the tumultuous decade of the 1970s. It details how a middle class family struggled with and faced the changes that empowered Filipinos to rise against the Marcos government. This series of events happened after the bombing of Plaza Miranda, the suspension of the Writ of Habeas Corpus, the proclamation of Martial Law and the random arrests of political prisoners. The oppressive nature of the Marcos regime, which made the people become more radical, and the shaping of the decade were all witnessed by the female protagonist, Amanda Bartolome, a mother of five boys. As Amanda's sons grow, form individual beliefs and lead different lives, Amanda reaffirms her identity to state her stand as a Filipino citizen, mother and as a woman. Dekada '70 introduces the new generation of Filipino readers to a story of a family from a particular Period in Philippine History. Its appeal lies in the evolution of its characters that embody the new generation of Filipinos, as well as being the story about a mother and her family, and the society around them that affects them. It is a tale of how a mother becomes torn between the letter of the law and her responsibilities as a mother.

As, expected, the beginning has a brief prologue with the country’s political climate before jetting off to deal with the seventies in a year-by-year basis, mostly revolving around a rotation of drama between a married couple’s five growing boys, and their growing involvement in the country’s politics. The momentum moves along smoothly from 1970 ‘til 1975, with the title marked year at each transition helping to feel a sense of accomplishment. During that period, though not too much surprise, the perspective is tendentious to the repressed mother, whom all her children find to be the voice of reason and understanding, as much as their father tries to play it cool. It remains soap-operatic without any stretch of the imagination.

I really felt the seventies in this film. This is really an excellent film. It’s a film  that full of meanings and question about the standing of the Filipino women during the Martial Law. Personally by watching this film, I Feel so much engrossed and interested, because its historical and really happened. Nowadays, I liked the role of Vilma Santos as a “meek” mother, patient and understanding one,whose latet, stand with her dignity not because she’s a mother but because of her “voice for freedom” as person, which no one could measure and explain how it feels to be yourself, and do good “deeds” for our country.