A practical guide to difficult conversations oanhss pp final version

From Challenging to Constructive: A

Practical Guide to Difficult

Conversations

?Respectful Directions © 2013

Ontario Association of Non-Profit Homes &

Services for Seniors, 2013

Introductions &

for spending your valuable

time with us today!


Today’s Agenda:

1. Common communication challenges

2. 3 part model to help address

situations that are uncomfortable or

awkward .. ones you want to avoid,

but can’t/shouldn’t.

3. Group work – at your tables.

4. Apply model to case study.

Why This Topic?


LeadershipTool

It will help you:

Build your interpersonal communication skills

Regulate your emotions

Positively affect the “high emotions of others”

Demonstrate respectful leadership

Build cultural (ethnic, occupational, gender,

ability, generational) sensitivity & inclusion


Result …

As leaders, these are the

expectations placed on you…

TRUST + STABILITY


It’s not Kathy’s fault!


Human Attribution Error

Tend to ascribe our behaviour to

circumstances

Tend to ascribe behaviour of others

to their character


Small Group Exercise:

In a small group, generate some

examples where you have

noticed the human attribution

error dynamic operating in

your own life. (family, work,

neighbours, friends).


Human Attribution Error

An Action We Perceive

or Experience as

Negative

Them They meant it negatively

(lazy, unkind, rude.)

Us We were forced to do it

(having a bad day, had no

choice.)


So why is this a problem?


Human Attribution Error &

Problems in Communication

Make assumptions

Don’t find out the source of person’s behaviour/situation

Make decisions or take action based on absence of information

Treat the person with judgment and less empathy/humanity


Michael’s Blackberry ….


Intent-Action-Effect Model of

Communication


Private Sphere Public Sphere

Intent

(reasons,

motives)

Effect

(impact,

outcome)

Action

(words,

behaviour,

decisions)

What problems can this mode of

communication lead to?


What steps can you take to improve

communication? (Say or do)?


Small Group Exercise:

At your table, brainstorm and list:

What steps could someone take to

connect when they notice this mode of

communication happening(what could

you say, do)?


Conducting a Constructive

Conversation: 3 Part Model

Part 1 – Interview yourself about your perspective

Part 2 – Interview yourself about the other person’s perspective

Part 3 – Develop an action plan


Part 1: Your Perspective?

Impact: What is/has been the effect of this situation with _______ on you?

What hot buttons of yours are/were pressed by ______’s behaviour/words?

What values and needs of yours are/were being undermined/not met in this situation with _____?

Intent: What is/was your intent in this situation/dispute with ______?

What motives do/did you have for your actions/words?


Part 2: Your Take on Their Perspective?

Impact: What do you suppose may push/may have pushed _______’s hot buttons?

How might ______ be affected/have been affected by this situation/dispute?

What values/needs of _______’s are being/may have been undermined or unmet in this situation?

Intent: What do you think _______’s intent is/was in this situation/dispute?

What reasons/motives could _______ have/have had for his/her actions/words?


Part Three: Plan of Action

4 Steps:

1. How will I connect?

2. Key Messages?

3. Challenges?

4. Approach?


Watertown Falls LTC Scenario


What are your

observations and insights

re: using a structured

plan to guide your

conversation?


Practical Applications

Where can you can you see

yourself using this intentional

approach/model?


Thank you!

Katherine Popaleni & Bill Smith

www.respectfuldirections.com

905-975-2990

Michael Klejman

[email protected]

905-883-6181

http://www.respectfuldirections.com/

mailto:[email protected]

A practical guide to difficult conversations oanhss pp final version

Education

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