Chapter 6 – Disorganized Crime

Welcome back to the sixth installment of A Piratical Legacy. This would be the legacy where the founder hasn't yet died yet has still stretched to six chapters. I fear for how many chapters there will eventually be. Oh yes. I fear it. This is Gilbert. He and his twin, Sullivan, guard the front door of the legacy house. And that's all they really do. Anyway, quick recap: - Founder = Captain Jack Buccaneer. He married Elise. They had two kids right away and a third child right before Elise elderified. All three were girls. - Elisabeth Buccaneer - married Shannon Toyonaga and lives across the street from her parents. - Mary Buccaneer - married Alan Goss. Has three children so far. Is the heiress. - Celeste Buccaneer - the oopsie. Still lives with parents. Is a child. - Edward, Anne, and Jack - Mary and Alan's kids. Anne and Jack are twins and are still infants. Yeah. Onward!

As soon as she'd recovered from birthing the twins, Mary decided to branch out into a merchant career. Fashion, vanities, cologne, and mirrors were all for sale at her salon, as well as fine grooming. The store was, of course, manned entirely by Buccaneers, Simselves, and Uglacies just for fun.

Unfortunately, Samara wasn't exactly fast at learning how to use the cash register... perhaps I should have actually given her some skill points when I installed her?

Amanda, aka smrtypnts210play, aka smartypants210*, was hairdresser for a while but that was a bit disasterous so Mary soon took over. "You go and, ah, sell items mate. Savvy?" "Got it, boss! Arrr!" "Don't be talkin' like a pirate, mate." "Why not?" "Scares the customers." * writes the Az Alphabet Legacy

And Mary's first vic- I mean, volunteer soon stepped up to the plate.

"Er... you did say to take it all off right, mate?" "MY HAIR!" "Maybe I should be closing the salon then, mate?" Couldn't hurt... you have NO stylist badges.

Ahh... more Simselves browsing... seriously, if you introduce Simselves into your community, just open a business. You'll see more of them than you ever wanted to. Blite27 writes the Ten Caesars Legacy.

Can't a goddess get any service around here? "No!" Hmph. See if I'm ever nice and benevolent again.

ShiraBlank, a fellow Boolpropian, seems very intent on her purchasing.

Marina, aka SmoothieQueen87, seems to find Mary's customer service a little bit better than Samara's... but not much. "You'd think that a chapter host would get a little more consideration..." "Listen, mate, I be trying to figure out the buttons as fast as I can, savvy?"

Gracie, aka rachelgrey, seems to be taking a break from writing the Literary Legacy.

Ah, and Candi... well, she needs no introduction since she was introduced in previous chapters anyway. She and Mary are best friends and Candi has just agreed to work in Mary's store. "Sure I'll work for you. How hard can it be?"

The first thing Candi did after being told to handle sales was wander into the break room to have a snack.

Then she stopped to chat with Elisabeth, Mary's sister. Elisabeth is no longer perma-pregnant, but she IS permanently stuck in a jogging uniform until I visit that lot again.

"Uhh... Candi, when I asked you if you wanted to work for me I kind of expected you to actually, you know, work. Savvy?"

"Expect ME to work? Well, I never! I quit!"

"Sorry sis, I'm just here to annoy all your customers. I don't actually have any money because Elisabeth spent it all. Did you know she has five bottles of cologne and two vanity dressers, as well as four mirrors in her inventory?"

Candi wandered by again a few hours later so Mary tried again. "Look, I'll even up your wage a bit, aye?" "Wellll... I guess."

At first, it appeared things were going well. Candi spent several minutes restocking diligently.

... and then she made her way to the break room to watch TV.

"Okay, this definitely isn't working, Mary. I can't find anything good on TV! I quit!" "Can you 'old that thought, mate? Gage just walked on the lot..." "Gah!" Tee hee.

Meanwhile, back at home Celeste was having some problems sharing a room with a stinky-diapered baby. "Grandmother The stench overpowers. Please Will you change the baby so I can Sleep?" "Only eef you talk een proper sentences, Celeste."

"I'm so glad I have a bar to store the rum, mate! Wheeee!" Do you want to be buried with that thing, Captain Jack? "Do ye think I could be, mate?" Forget I said anything...

Whatcha doin' Alan? "There's a brave little girl who needs help, goddess."

I see. I reiterate from my previous chapter: Alan = family sim in disguise.

And Elise definitely does NOT = family sim in disguise. "Eet ees disgusting 'ow zees infants do zis every time I try to play wit' zem..." Perhaps if you waited a bit after feeding them...

Ahh... Kaylynn... still frustrated, I see? "This is getting really, really annoying. And there's more cribs sprouting! I'm going to be lodging a complaint with the agency, you know."

Whatcha doin', Alan? "Well, somebody messed up Shannon's face when he went in for a haircut..." You might want to ask your wife about that, Alan. "Why? Anyway, I'm going to fix it for him. We're giving each other makeovers!" Ahhh... right. You do that, Alan.

Meanwhile, back at the Boutique/salon... "Listen, mate, I'll double your salary if you'll please come back to work for me. Aye?" "Well, I guess. It does get me out of the house and away from Gage for a while, at least." "I knew you'd see reason, mate." "Sooooo... when's coffee break?"

"Hi goddess!" Wait, you can see me? That must mean you're... "The reporter! Yup! Name's Armand. I'm incognito." I ... see.

"So anyway, Chieftess Mary, I'm happy to give this place a great review!" "Candi, could ye call security and escort Mister Armand out of the store please." "What's his crime, boss?" "Impersonating a pirate and being too ugly to be allowed in my store." "Gotcha."

"If Samara was working and saw you trying to dazzle me you'd be in big trouble, missie." "Ehhh... right, mate. How's about I go talk to that other customer over there, then, aye?"

Samara still looks slightly befuddled, Mary. "I don't know why, mate. She's up to silver already."

Listen, Mary, we're getting beaten over the head with Simselves in this store of yours. Don't you think you should go home and actually pay attention to your children? Oh, and roll up a want for ten kids already! "Ha! That be my revenge, mate. No ten kids want - ever!" I should just make you have them anyway.

Lookin' good, Alan. "Just another day saving the world from criminals, goddess." I see Shannon's still over. "Yeah, I'm lucky to have such an awesome brother-in-law."

"My homework confounds My mind and my soul and so I hate algebra." No haiku.

Yay! It's Edward's birthday! Although Roux-kitty doesn't look terribly impressed. And, ah, he did grow up. I promise. I might even have a picture. But I can't find it :( "Good going, mate!" No criticism from the peanut gallery.

Captain, did you ever expect that you would end up being a babysitter in your old age? "No." Do you like it? "No."

"Commodore Bear says that's contraband birthday cake, mate." "Contraband? Where? I must arrest the perpetrator." *snicker* "You were right, Commodore! He totally fell for it, aye?"

And here is made-over Eddie. He has decided that he still wishes to be a tiger instead of a pirate, so I indulged him.

"Sacre bleu, you are zee boring kitty-cat." -Bite me.-

I didn't even know these things could break...

Whatcha doin', Alan? "I got a promotion. Now I get to investigate murders." Are there a lot of murders on the island, Alan? "No. But there will be. And I'll stop them. Oh yes, I'll stop them." Uh huh.

"I hate to land upon the ground so hard. It really gets my dress all dirty brown. And so I will refuse to crawl again, And laugh aloud while goddess swears and frowns."

"Anne stinks, aye?" Maybe you should change her? "No! Never that! The horror! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" "Waaaaaaaaah!" I never understood why messy sims are the ones who are so scared of changing diapers...

"Roar!" "Hey kiddo! Did you stop any crime today?" "Grrrrowl!" "Really? That's great!" "Purr."

Not one, not two, but THREE birthday cakes!

It's a triple birthday!

And Celeste is totally stunning. Prettier than Mary, even.

Jack Jr. looks... well... Elise, he looks like a biker! "Watch dat mouf, toots." A toddler gangster? "'E ees a very strange leetle boy." "Watch it, gwamma."

Aww... but little Annie is adorable. "Rah!" Do you want to be a tiger too, Annie? "Vo gerbits!" Ohhh... dear.

Celeste is the only family member not needing to sleep, eat, or pee at the moment so she gets to stay for a few more hours before being shipped off to college. The twins need their smart milk.

But then she's off. "My teen years Were lean years. No first kiss 'Cause big sis Wants more kids. I go."

"Hey Alan, let's woohoo without trying for a baby! Arrr!" "We do that all the time, Mary." "Yeah, but this time the option be on the menu, love. And we'll be ignoring it, savvy?" Muahahaha.

Jack! Don't pee on Jack! Erm... "Roux-kitty is behind on his pwotection money, goddess." -It's too late for me. Warn the others.- ... oh dear.

"Rrrrowrr! Grrrrrrrowl! ROAR!" What are you singing, Eddie? "I call it, 'The Tiger King,' godddess."

"Me children be very, very strange, mate."

Muahahahaha! "Oh, no bloody fair, mate!" Refuse to roll up child wants, will you? "I be happy with me three kids, aye? I wants to pet and cosset them always, but more? No! Savvy?" *giggle*

"For zee last time, Edward, zee pawns do not eat each other wit' loud crunching noises and roars!"

What's on your mind, Mary? "Me 'usband Alan sure spends a lot o' time wif Elisabeth's 'usband." They do seem to be pretty close. What's wrong with that? "Shannon's an idiot, mate. I don't want it rubbing off on me 'usband, savvy?" Umm... might be a bit too late for that, methinks. Although I'm not sure if Alan ever needed the help.

"Go away, goddess. Savvy? Commodore Bear and I be plotting."

Why the shocked expression, Mary? "I was hoping it was food poisoning, mate."

Blah. Headmaster visit. BORING! Of course Eddie got in.

"Zis ees not funny! 'Elp me!"

*snerk* Love the outfit, Elise. "Zat ees eet! I am 'iring a repairman from now on!"

Where are you going, Jack? "I've just weft a wittle warning note in Roux-kitty's box. He was wate wif his payment again."

"Little namesake, ye be a pirate after me own 'eart." "Piwacy is overrated, gwampa. I'm da pwotection business." "There be different kinds o' piracy, Jack." "I fee. Tell me mowe, gwampa. I'm all eaws."

Parents who actually care about their child's grade? What is the simworld coming to? "If I clap 'e'll go away more quickly, mate. Then I can get back to me bubbles. Savvy?" Not the rum? "The rum be gone." And why is the rum gone? "Little Jack said we were late with our bribes and had his associates break the bottles to show us what would happen to our kneecaps if we were late again, mate."

"Ye gods, but he's a bad piano player."

"I mean it. He's really, really bad." He has 10 creativity. "My ears are bleeding." You just gave him a $100 tip. "To make him stop!" Riiiiight.

Simselves and siblings! That can only mean one thing!

Boy, that top really shows off my assets. Anyway...

Toddler twin birthday!

And Anne transitions into an entirely appropriate outfit since she's hinted at wanting to be a cheerleader.

Jack, on the other hand.... Off to the wardrobe with you! Erm... you can see the results. Later.

Why are you running, Mary? "Husband."

Awww....

Ahh... and here we see Celeste at university because I finally chucked her into a dorm from the college bin. That outfit is pretty cute, Celeste. "The style is nice But the colors do nothing To show the darkness That swallows my soul."

Dance to that funky music, goth girl.

Anyway, a day later and Celeste was safely ensconced at the family greek house. Who are you talking to, Celeste? "His name is of no matter For I met him in the dark realm Of cyberspace." Have you met in person yet? "That most blessed day When our tortured souls shall cry out together Is but the most distant glimpse on The dark horizon of the future."

"Great is my surprise In seeing you so far From home In your gravid state." "Ach, can the poetic yammering, Celeste. Just checking up on ye, savvy?"

That isn't rum, is it? "I already told ye, goddess. Little Jack 'as completely taken over the rum trade and we owes 'im money so 'e's cut us off."

I see you're fitting right in with your greek sisters, Celeste. "The siren call of pink and grey Was too great to ignore."

"It's our uniform!"

"Electricity jolts. It starts and it stops my heart. I die and live a thousand deaths."

"My attempt has failed. The darkness within Leapt onto the canvas But I ran out of black paint."

It's not every day you see a Simself waltz into a Legacy home and take a bath...

Whatcha doin', Alan? "Working, goddess." Working?

"I think you're right, Shannon. That oyster IS making counterfeit pearls." "Should I get the cuffs, Alan?" "I think you'd better, Shannon."

Eddie... you are definitely your grandfather's relative. Even if that isn't the couch. "Tiggers bounce!"

"Jacques, you 'ave to keep on top of zee payments to Jacques Jr. eef you want zee rum to stay safe." "That kid be bloody brilliant, love."

"THE BABY IS COMING!"

Aww... it's a girl! Meet Ivy Buccaneer. She has her mom's hair, not sure about the eyes though. And her diaper is dirty in this picture. Anyway, Ivy is named for the pirate lady from Soul Calibur. Her full name is Isabella Valentine. The daughter of the undead pirate Cervantes, Ivy wishes to destroy Soul Edge because she hates her father - because her father is the current wielder of Soul Edge.

"Okay listen. The cribs aren't really a problem anymore, but it's just costing you more money when you let your kids spread the puddles around. Seriously."

Whatcha doin' Alan? "Got me a bust today, goddess. There's a band of unscrupulous oysters flooding the market with counterfeit pearls and I mean to take them down. Take them down good. Oh yeah!"

Mary begins painting her portrait for the graveyard.

As if we didn't have enough proof that Marsha is evil. "Die, Commodore Bear! Die!"

Why are you watching the television so intently, Eddie? "Cat food commercial."

"Commodore Bear says we need to get rid of that Marsha girlie, love."

And it's another birthday! Family only this time, though Ben Long did tag along home with Elise when she got back from work.

Aww... what a cutie! "I'm da galactic overlord queen of the cosmos!" ... oh dear.

"Listen, sis, there's more where that comes from if you don't do my homework. Capisce?" "Like, you don't scare me, Jack!" "Just do it, will ya? I'll cut you in on my profits from this latest shipment of counterfeit pearls. Those oysters are really doing a bang-up job." "Like, fine!"

"I refuse to be having any more children, mate, so I'm not wearing those awful maternity clothes any longer, savvy?" You cut your hair, too! "I felt it was time for a change, mate."

On free will, this is pretty much all that Elise and Jack do.

It makes them roll up wants to do this, and I was happy to oblige since Jack's life bar was almost empty.

.... make that all the way empty! Oh noes!

Hmm... maybe if I 'x' out the interaction.... It didn't work! No! Not Jack!

"CHIEF CAPTAIN JACK, IT IS TIME." "What be in that mug you're wavin' around in me face, mate?" "I AM TOLD IT CONTAINS THE FINEST RUM." "Arrrr! Lead on then, mate." "DON'T YOU WISH TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR FAMILY?" "Naaah... they'll see me again, mate."

*sniff* Farewell, Captain Jack Buccaneer. Your life was very long at 80 days, and very full. I'm pretty sure it was all your memories lagging the lot. You fulfilled your lifetime want of 50 first dates and Elise never once caught you cheating, although the Gypsy matchmaker cheated you out of a lot of your hard-earned ... flotsam. Rest in peace, Jack, and enjoy your hauntings.

"I'm not gone, mate." Elise, did that bear just speak? "Look at Commodore Bear, goddess! 'E looks just like my Jacques!" That's ... really creepy, actually. And that is, of course, where I'll be ending this chapter. Tune in next time, when we find out whether Commodore Bear really has been possessed by the spirit of Captain Jack, or if it's just a really weird coincidence. Oh, and there will probably be an heir poll.