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World Views and Values

Ed Gunsch

PHIL-103L-201

A Journal of a “slumbering idealism stirring”

January 27, 2001 “The Apology,” by Plato (Book/text 1).

There are four dialogs in the text. They are the Euthyphro, Apology, Crito, and

Phaedo. In the Euthyphro Socrates meets a fellow Athenian (Euthyphro) outside the

courts of the city. He strikes up a dialog with him and they discuss the idea of holiness or

piety. Euthyphro is the interlocutor. Euthyphro is pretty much full of himself and is on his

way to prosecute his own father. He and Socrates toss these two ideas back and forth and

Euthyphro finally throws in the towel and gives up.

Socrates is being brought up on charges of corrupting the youth of Athens, as well

as of impiety. In this first dialog the idea of the gods and the state are touched on and we

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can sense the seriousness with which the notion of gods are held. Unlike today, church

and state were not separate.

An apology is defined as a formal written defense of something you believe in

strongly. Socrates (p.39, 18d, 19c) begins his defense and we find out that the comedic

playwright, Aristophanes has been lampooning him. He is lumped together with the

Sophists (philosophers who take money for teaching) in the minds of many of the

Athenians. (p.40, 19e see footnote)

During Socrates’ defense we get an idea of how he lived (p. 54, 31b and p. 61,

36b-c). He admits that he has neglected his family and his own affairs to further the

moral improvement of the youth of Athens. For Socrates the community comes before

the family. Plato puts the state before the family in The Republic. He says that

“guardians” should be responsible for them even before their own parents. He also puts

forth the idea that women should have ruling positions in his ideal state. This is a very

revolutionary idea for these times. I think that Plato merely wants to exploit the

intelligence and wisdom of certain women for the betterment of the state. I do not think

that he has any ideas of women’s liberation in mind. The state comes first.

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Socrates says (p.63, 38a-b), …”and that life without this sort of examination is not

worth living.” This statement is made in during that portion of his trial where he is

allowed to suggest alternative punishments. The idea that he could live an unexamined

life is impossible for him. He suggests a fine or, in a mocking sort of manner, that he be

supported at state expense for his efforts at moral improvement. Through Plato’s dialogs,

Socrates teaches us how to live the examined life.

His notion of death as a blessing (p.66, 41a) is very curious. In Homer’s Odyssey,

Odysseus encounters Achilles in the underworld and Achilles says that he wishes he were

tending his own fields as an old man. The implication is that his noble death as a hero

was not such a wonderful thing. I get the idea that if he could have done things over he

would have made the other choice-to go home to Greece. Death in Homer is not always

glorious.

In the Crito (p. 84, 49c) Socrates discusses justice with Crito. His idealism makes

me think of Ghandi’s remark that if you take an eye for an eye the world will soon have

no eyes.

CONNECTIONS-Socrates>Plato>Rousseau>Thoreau>Ghandi>King

In the Crito (p.87) we get to see Socrates’ ideas on the value of Athenian law. He

compares it to a family. He has the love it or leave it attitude regarding the state that was

prevalent among conservatives in the late ‘60’s and early ‘70’s. It seems like the Crito is

a counterbalance to the Apology in its approach to Athenian law. Socrates gives great

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respect to the rule of Law in Crito. I think of the connection between Socrates and

Thoreau as being their idealism. But after reading the Crito I do not think that Socrates

would have approved of Thoreau’s civil disobedience. Socrates seems to view law as

essential to a state’s moral order.

CONNECTIONS-How about Socratic dialogues instead of presidential debates?

All the time keeping in mind that verbal victory is not the ultimate goal. The goal would

be to explore the issues in a civil manner, with irony being allowed, to find the truth.

Socrates was not kind to the poets of his day (p. 43, 22b-d). Knowing that the

Peloponnesian War had just recently been lost to Sparta, and that the ignorant masses

have him on trial, how could anyone find respect for the teachers (poets) of Athenians?

The awful irony in the Apology is that the corrupters of the youth kill the

improver of youth, while claiming that they are the improvers and Socrates the corrupter.

They kill the man that would enlighten and improve them and accept those who would

drag them down morally, the Sophists. No one has done more for the pious education of

the young than has Socrates. In thinking that they are executing the most impious man

they wind up executing the most pious. Like Jesus, Socrates dies for the sins of the

people.

The Athenians have been educated poorly. Through the comedy of Aristophanes’,

Clouds, the people think that Socrates is a Sophist, and buffoon.

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An innocent man dies due to the tragic ignorance of the Athenian people, but the

philosopher knows how to die because he has philosophical knowledge, and he is not

afraid to die because he has a pure soul. Socrates dies and lives on as a hero of

knowledge. Since 700 BC the Greeks had Homer’s epic poems as models of ways to live.

Plato adds to this and perhaps supplants it with something better. We now have a hero of

the intellect and knowledge to set alongside that hero of arms and warfare, Achilles.

Question: Where was Socrates’ praxis? Did he practice virtue as well as talk about it?

I realize what gaps there are in the things that I pretend to know, when I read

Plato now. When I was young I read Keats and loved his poetry. However, some of his

poems did not truly come alive (although I thought they were alive) for me until I filled

certain gaps. I mean that, when I read, “On Looking into Chapman’s Homer,” for

example, and thought it was such a lovely poem, it really did not come alive for me and

become forever memorable, until I had read Homer myself. Socrates assumes that there is

an absolute beauty. When I ponder Keats’s, “Ode On A Grecian Urn” and have Plato’s

idea of the forms in mind via the allegory of the cave, (see Phaedo, p. 176, b-e for an

account that appears to anticipate the allegory) I begin to get a clearer understanding of

the poem’s notions of truth and beauty.

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John Keats : Ode on a Grecian Urn

Thou still unravished bride of quietness,

Thou foster-child of silence and slow time,

Sylvan2 historian, who canst thus express

A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme:

What leaf-fring'd legend haunts about thy shape

Of deities or mortals, or of both,

In Tempe3 or the dales of Arcady?4

What men or gods are these? What maidens loth?

What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?

What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy?

II

Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard

Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;

Not to the sensual ear, but, more endeared,

Pipe to the spirit ditties of no tone:

Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave

Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare;

Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss,

Though winning near the goal-yet, do not grieve;

She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss,

Forever will thou love, and she be fair!

III

Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed

Your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu;

And, happy melodist, unwearied,

For ever piping songs for ever new;

More happy love! more happy, happy love!

For ever warm and still to be enjoy'd,

For ever panting, and for ever young;

All breathing human passion far above,

That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloy'd,

A burning forehead, and a parching tongue.

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IV

Who are these coming to the sacrifice?

To what green altar, O mysterious priest,

Lead'st thou that heifer lowing at the skies,

And all her silken flanks with garlands drest?

What little town by river or sea shore,

Or mountain-built with peaceful citadel,

Is emptied of this folk, this pious morn?

And, little town, thy streets for evermore

Will silent be; and not a soul to tell

Why thou art desolate, can e'er return.

V

O Attic5 shape! Fair attitude! with brede6

Of marble men and maidens overwrought,

With forest branches and the trodden weed;

Thou silent form, dost tease us out of thought

As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral!

When old age shall this generation waste,

Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe

Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,

"Beauty is truth, truth beauty,--that is all

Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."7

JOHN KEATS (1795-1821) P. 1820

FOOTNOTES 1 the poem is said to have been inspired by a visit to the Elgin Marbles in the British

Museum; 2 pertaining to the woods; 3 in Greece; 4 in Greece, but poetically, an ideal pastoral setting; 5

pertaining to ancient Athens; 6 embroidery; 7 some readings close the quotation marks after the first five

words of the penultimate line

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John Keats : On First Looking Into Chapman's Homer

Much have I travell'd in the realms of gold,

And many goodly states and kingdoms seen;

Round many western islands have I been

Which bards in fealty to Apollo1 hold.

Oft, of one wide expanse had I been told

That deep-brow'd Homer2 ruled as his demesne;

Yet did I never breathe its pure serene

Till I heard Chapman3 speak out loud and bold:

Then felt I like some watcher of the skies

When a new planet swims into his ken;

Or like stout Cortez4 when with eagle eyes

He star'd at the Pacific-and all his men

Look'd at each other with a wild surmise-

Silent, upon a peak in Darien5.

JOHN KEATS (1795-1821) 1817

FOOTNOTES 1 Greek God, closely associated with music and poetry; 2 famous epic poet of ancient

Greece; the Iliad and the Odyssey are generally attributed to him; 3 George Chapman, Elisabethan poet

and dramatist who published his completed translations of Homer in 1616; 4 Keats actually meant Balboa,

the first European to see the Pacific in 1513; 5 in Panama

___________________________________________

Something like that is happening to me now with Plato. Reading the four dialogs

and some of the Republic I see how modern religion owes a debt to Plato (Phaedo, p.

176, b-e). Ideas of the soul and even of Purgatory are right out of the Phaedo.

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Translations: Our text uses the word attunement and another uses harmony, in the

Phaedo. It’s probably not a bad idea to have different translations available.

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1-31-01 Clipping NY Times

Op-Ed piece by David Coles

This piece is about Bush’s “compassionate conservatism” and faith based social

service.

CONNECTIONS>>>> Plato >>>> faith based programs emphasize treatment, etc (see

clipping). This corresponds to Plato’s ideas (Laws, book 10) that any punishments for

crime should be educative in nature except for a handful of extremely violent crimes and

treason.

I like the fact that Bush wants to funnel money into faith based social services and

avoid federal programs. I liken this as a throwback to Dorothy Day, in the sense that

religious organizations rather than government bureaucracies would manage the street

level details of social work. I think it is a positive move.

I wonder about the atheist’s view of this plan however. Colson’s group and the

Nation of Islam are working together now in prisons (see clipping). Cole says, for this to

work, Bush needs to tread carefully around constitutional issues of church and state

(something Socrates was not too careful about in the Apology).

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Plato: some thoughts:

Dialectic >> Socrates = definite, mathematical, precise definitions.

Rhetoric >> Sophists = wishy washy, ambiguous double talk.

Homer >> epic poet = overcomes the external.

Socrates >> philosopher teacher = overcomes the internal (know thyself first).

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February 3, 2001 A Larger Memory by Ronald Takaki (Book/text2)

“May there be joy in partisanship, and civility in discourse.” William Safire (from

Tim Russert’s, New Years Eve roundtable discussion on Meet the Press, 12-31-00)

I spent a considerable amount of time between semesters researching colleges for

my seventeen-year-old daughter. One of the issues that caught my attention was the

debate between multiculturalists and those supporting a more traditional core curriculum.

No doubt we live in a multicultural society, but the idea that authors like Plato,

Shakespeare, and other dwems (dead white European males) should take a backseat or

even not be taught, is a terrifying thought to me. I am not for cutting out any traditional

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studies, but I do think that multiculturalism is important. It needs to be taught in addition

to and not instead of. Maybe students just need to do more work.

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Takaki’s book is compilation of vignettes that illustrate the diverse nature of our

country. They are all very readable and make you want to go on and read the full

accounts if any are available.

For a full oral history account of the world of a black sharecropper I would recommend

Theodore Rosengarten’s, “All God’s Dangers: The Life of Nate Shaw”.

Another great book for a view of the world of slavery, this time from the point of

view of slaveholders, told entirely through letters, is Robert Manson Myer’s, “The

Children of Pride.”

Takaki (p. 50-53). When we know how long slavery lasted in the world can we

condemn Jefferson and not Socrates? See Dr. Johnson’s witty remark (page 50), “…the

loudest yelps for liberty come from the drivers of slaves?” I don’t think that that is an

easy question to answer.

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In my opinion, Abraham Lincoln is our greatest president. Look at the courage he

shows by his convictions (p. 52). By convictions, I mean the willingness to conduct to a

conclusion the War Between the States, and to put an end to slavery. Another driving

force in ending slavery is Harriet Beecher Stowe. I know that the book is not a popular

one among blacks, but it undoubtedly had a very powerful effect on the psyche of the

American people of that time. I always remember Lincoln’s remark upon his first

meeting with Stowe: “So, you are the little lady that started this big war.” Nevertheless,

despite the good intentions of freeing the slaves, Stowe and Lincoln, as well as most

Northerners, were not prepared for miscegenation. This is the core of the problem that

has haunted our nation since the Emancipation Proclamation.

Black Elk’s Boyhood Memories (p.61)

I love the poetic nature of their languages. Look at the names for their months (p.

66, 68).

The Black Elk account, with other old Indian warriors reminds me of my

conversations with Ed Ryan. Ed is an old friend who was drafted in 1944, when he was

nineteen. He crash-landed into Europe on a wooden glider on D-Day. Everything goes on

hold when Ed comes to visit and he discusses these days. I am honored that he would

share these stories with me. Ed was in the first group of soldiers that entered and liberated

Dachau.

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The End of the Frontier for a Winnebago (p.69)

The Winnebago Indian account (p. 69) is a bittersweet story of an American Indian

blending into white culture, and whose life gets focused into alcoholism.

“Don’t Give a Nigger an Inch” Frederick Douglass (p.84)

I am especially fond of the story of Frederick Douglass. This winter my middle

daughter was applying to colleges and one of her essays had to do with the topic of

heroes and heroism. She chose Frederick Douglass as her hero, and emphasized his desire

to read and become educated, as an example of heroic action. I am even happier about it

because she was accepted at that particular college. There is a power in reading that

Douglass immediately recognized (p.87). Knowledge leads to freedom for Douglass.

“Knowledge unfits a child to be a slave” (p.88). All this still applies today. My wife has

been helping a family of Albanian immigrants get along in our country. They are having

lots of problems adapting, and, in my opinion, the root of all these problems are that they

speak the language so poorly. There is so much to know, that we take for granted. Things

like car insurance, registration, learning how to drive, getting to the cheapest

supermarkets, etc. Knowing the language uncomplicates much of these things.

A Birthright Renounced: Joseph Kurihara

This is an account of a World War I veteran of Japanese descent, during World

War II. Joseph Kurihara came to discover, regarding his xenophobic treatment during the

Second World War, “…that even democracy is a demon in time of war” (p.208). This

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brings to mind Plato and his feelings regarding Athenian democracy during and after the

Peloponnesian war. The hubris of Athenian democracy left Plato with the same feelings

as Kurihara-renunciation.

The Indian Hero of Iwo Jima: Letters From Ira Hayes

I read a wonderful book last summer by James Bradley, called, “Flags of Our

Fathers.” This book is an account of the six young men who raised the flag on Mt.

Suribachi during World War II. Takaki’s and Bradley’s accounts regarding the raising of

the flag differ. The famous photo was of a second raising, but it was not staged. The first

flag that went up, a smaller one, was taken down as a result of orders from a superior

officer. He wanted it for a souvenir. Those on the hilltop decided to raise another, larger

flag. The six boys, amongst who was Ira Hayes, set it up spontaneously. They were

unaware of any photographs being taken. The photographer himself, Joe Rosenthal, was

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unaware of the striking image he took. He did not use a still camera but used movie

camera. The famous photograph came from a frame.

So, I think it is inaccurate to imply that Ira Hayes “…knew the photograph was a

fraud” (p.212). As I read it, Ira Hayes thought it was fraudulent to portray himself as a

hero, because he felt that the real heroes were his friends that died on Iwo Jima.

In the photo above, Ira Hayes is the soldier in the back, reaching for the pole.

Notice how he carried his blanket, Indian style, hanging off his belt.

Bilingual Education in Polonia (p.223)

This is a very moving account of a young woman from Poland growing up in

Chicago. The emphasis is on education and language as a way to a better life in America.

>>Clipping<<

I found her account of life as a Polish immigrant in America, during the early part

of last century, very vivid and alive. I especially liked her description of her

apartment/flat. I think that picturing just what it looked like during those times makes it

more real. It helps us to feel what it was like to live in a particular time in history. It

gives us a spirit of place that enriches our imagination.

>>>>>I found a clipping from the Poughkeepsie Journal (2/08/01) that informs us of a

Tenement Museum in New York City, on the lower east side. It is one tenement that

housed 7,000 immigrants from 25 countries between 1863 and 1935. A couple of the

apartments have been restored to the exact way they were when certain immigrant

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families lived there. I suspect that a visit there would provide an intimate association with

a particular time and place in history. I think that this would be an excellent

accompaniment to Takaki’s book.

A Song of El Norte: Camelia Palafox (p.248)

I was able to identify somewhat with Camelia when she had to reject a

scholarship and give up her dream of an education. When she was 18 her child was born

and made all that impossible. She says, “ I worked and took care of my son by myself. I

don’t regret my decision” (p.250). My first child was born when I was a teenager and I

also had to give up any dreams that I had for an education, at that time. The part that I

identify with is the not regretting.

On page 257 she becomes a United States citizen. She feels that having the right

to vote and having her voice heard is a great thing. I agree with her. Also on page 257 she

addresses the problem of American citizens protesting the influx of illegal immigrants.

It’s not too hard to side against the illegal alien sometimes, but she reminds us on page

258 of their humanity. We need reminders of that kind regularly.

Her mention of the need to work (p.258) clashing with the need to study is

another area where I can identify. I would add the need to nurture as another area that

conflicts with studying.

She puts her efforts regarding education into her children. Jose is provided with

the best education that she can find. Jose was arrested in the tradition of civil

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disobedience that was handed down from Thoreau to Gandhi to King. Her mother was

proud of him and his sacrifice for his people.

The account ends on a note of hope (p.261), “One has to always have hopes, or

else they won’t get anything done. That’s how I see life.”

A Larger Memory by Ronald Takaki

Some closing notes:

I came away with a very positive feeling regarding multiculturalism after reading

the book. I need to read things like this on a regular basis. I think everyone does. I also

think that we need to read the great books of western civilization as well. I refuse to take

sides in the “culture wars” (p.345). I fail to see how it has to be one thing or the other

here. There is no doubt we live in a diverse society. The desire to learn has to envelop as

much of this society as possible. If we could only, all take the attitude that William Safire

expressed on Meet the Press, I think we would have a more satisfying world. Let’s reach

out to the other and build bridges. Let’s talk and engage in dialogue, one person at a time.

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February 11, 2001 The Call of Service, by Robert Coles (Book/text3)

I came to the middle of Cole’s book and I started my Praxis work. On or about

page 148, I felt that I had reached the heart of our course. It is at this point that Coles

focuses in on social reflection. He teaches a course at Harvard called, “The Literature of

Social Reflection.” It is in this course, regarding his students, that he uses, “… the

assigned reading as a basis for reflection upon what they are experiencing in their work

as volunteers” (p.148). Coles is fond of the late 19th century and early 20th century

writers. Some of this fondness is due to his parents’ attachments to certain writers, like

Eliot and Tolstoy. The more modern writers like William Carlos Williams and Anna

Freud become mentors of sorts, as well as personal friends, of Coles. In the light of

community service and the readings that we do, Coles has this to say, “…books can be a

means of looking inward, of stepping back a bit, taking a break to think about matters

broader than the day’s hurdles or challenges” (p.150). Coles also points out through the

teacher, Miriam, that these books can be called upon as sources of “intellectual and moral

energy” (p.156). They can also be consoling and a means of going on when life gets

difficult-something to fall back on and hold you up. I could not help but associate some

of my own past reading with the account of the young boy dying of a gunshot wound in

an emergency ward (p. 158-161). The awful reality, as well as the mystery and loneliness

of death is brought out weirdly in one of Emily Dickinson’s poems that regards a fly, as

well:

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I heard a Fly buzz - when I died -

The Stillness in the Room

Was like the Stillness in the Air -

Between the Heaves of Storm

The Eyes around - had wrung them dry -

And Breaths were gathering firm

For that last Onset - when the King

Be witnessed - in the Room -

I willed my Keepsakes - Signed away

What portion of me be

Assignable - and then it was

There interposed a Fly -

With Blue - uncertain stumbling Buzz -

Between the light - and me -

And then the Windows failed - and then

I could not see to see –

Dickinson focuses on a particular moment in time here and uses the fly as a

measure of reality in the progression towards death. The fly has a terrible significance to

the dying person in the poem as well as in Coles’ account. The significance is in relation

to the dying person and the question of life after death. There is the ironic mention of a

religious experience, “-when the King be witnessed,“ but, alas, there interposed only a fly.

Will life after death be merely flies and maggots? Death seems horrible in this poem. But

perhaps we can look at the fly as a symbol of the world that the boy and the dying person

in the poem is leaving. Looked at that way makes death look less terrifying.

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As I begin to decide what Praxis project to choose I cannot help but wonder from

whence stirrs this slumbering idealism within me. When I was a young college student I

was as idealistic as any of the regular Marist students today that are involved in Praxis.

Over the years it became dormant. I am having the same problem today as I had in 1970,

which is, how do I reconcile the study of the liberal arts courses that I take as electives

with the pursuance of a business degree? This is the biggest problem that I face with my

present educational plans. Once I start taking electives (philosophy, literature, theology,

etc.) my business courses fade in comparison and take on such shallowness; I have a hard

time finding anything inspiring about them. I wind up looking at them in a utilitarian light

to get through them. My only consolation is that I may enter the business world and make

it a better place. I like to think of Wallace Stevens in his Hartford Insurance office

sometimes and that helps too.

Between class and my daily life I meet many different kinds of people. Many of

them have their own ideals and values. It troubles me sometimes, that these ideals are so

(apparently) irreconcilable. As Alan, the Morehouse College graduate says on page 187,

“That’s what bothers me—people having opposite beliefs, and yet they both seem

idealistic.” I am reminded of a short conversation I had with a friend over the abortion

issue. She was incensed over the appointment of John Ashcroft and pointed out his

opposition to abortion. I told her that there are a lot of people who feel abortion is wrong.

I said this without taking a personal stand on the issue and the conversation ended right

there. We were still friends. Another time that the two of us were presented with difficult

values and worldviews was at a presentation of Shakespeare’s, The Taming of the

Shrew.” At the end of that play Kate offers a view of marriage that is way outside the

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norms of today’s society. That ending is like a blow to the stomach if you hold strongly

any particular views regarding the sexes. Kate accepts gaily her marriage to Petruchio

and pledges to serve him. She does all this of her own free will and is glad about it. I

think we have to accept the fact that for some people in marriage, this is the way they

want to live. I also think that we should happily accept an ending that might show two

people in marriage that are of the same sex. I think we should be accepting of all other’s

worldviews. I find this to be the meaning of “The Taming of the Shrew”- a joy in our

diversity!

************************************

Coles has many teachers. He returns to them throughout the book. They are

treated with reverence, like Plato regarded Socrates. For Coles there is Anna Freud,

William Carlos Williams, Perry Miller, Erik H. Erikson and Dorothy Day as well as his

beloved authors of the past, such as George Eliot, Charles Dickens, Thomas Hardy, and

Tolstoy. On page 110, in “The Call of Service,” Coles and Anna Freud carry on a

conversation about mentoring that recalls the dialectic method of Plato’s dialogues. It’s a

wonderful section of the book that is about mentoring with mentoring of sorts going on

between Coles and Anna Freud. It’s in the Platonic and Greek method of dialectic and is

about ancient Greek legend and myth regarding Mentor and Telemachus. Edith

Hamilton, in her introduction to the Bollingen edition of “Plato’s Collected Dialogues,”

says (p. xiv), “The dialogue therefore is the dialectic, a skillfully directed technique of

questioning.” Anna Freud employs this technique on page 111. She asks, concerning

mentoring, “…Does the younger person want to follow? If the younger person has

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followed, how come? How lasting will it-can it-be?” Coles replies, “She gave me time to

think about her remarks, and then we had a full hour to talk about…”

*************************************

Praxis

2-15-01

Today I decided to pick the Drug Elimination Program off our Praxis Community

Service Activities listing. I thought that it might be good to pick this one since I have

some experience with getting sober and clean. I now have over sixteen years without a

drink and a drug and have spent many loving hours in the rooms of Narcotics

Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous. If any of that would be useful then it will be a

plus.

>>stream of consciousness<<

>> I’m holding congress in my head regarding an idealism within me that is

stirring. I am enthusiastic and am full of a sense of idealism but at the same time am

hesitant about it all. I want to bring computer games, baseball mitts, cake, candy, and

even an old computer to take apart with the children. Then I feel foolish like I am being

overly idealistic and that they will think that I am an idiot. So, I am just going to bring

myself there tonight and take little baby steps about this all. O, the horrors of a long

slumbering, and lumbering idealism, stirring.

I also worry about my two-year-old daughter. More than anything I want to give

her my time and love. A lot of these feelings come from what I consider a previous error

in my life. When I was getting clean and sober in the mid to late 1980’s, I put my

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sobriety and myself first. That stance put my two children second. In the end I got clean

and sober and they got drunk and high. That led to a decade of heartache. They did not

have a mother then, but my younger two children do, now. This really should be okay.

I’ll just take baby steps, and bring myself. <<

In the chapter, Older Idealism, Coles introduces us to Alice-Mae Pratt, a black

woman and idealist, in her fifties. Alice-Mae knows about leaving children alone to fend

for themselves. She says, “So you don’t walk out on your own to save the world-but I’ve

been tempted, I’ll admit” (p.220). She is a wonderful example of a fine, older and

tempered idealism. These concerns regarding children are just something I need to keep

in mind and be aware of.

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Poor naked wretches, whereso'er you are,

That bide the pelting of this pitiless storm,

How shall your houseless heads and unfed sides,

Your loop'd and window'd raggedness, defend you

From seasons such as these? O, I have ta'en

Too little care of this! Take physic, pomp;

Expose thyself to feel what wretches feel,

That thou mayst shake the superflux to them,

And show the heavens more just.

Shakespeare, King Lear, Act 3, Scene 4

I decided to re-read King Lear before I started my Praxis project. Lear is a play

about well ordered people and societies falling apart. They fall and disintegrate to

extremes. Fundamental human conditions are revealed and explored in a stark yet poetic

24

manner. When love is removed from the world in King Lear, chaos ensues. It is only

when the characters confront self, society, nature and their fellow man’s chaos and

disintegration, that they experience growth and personal insight. The above quoted

section is from the scene where Lear encounters Edgar as Tom ‘O Bedlam in the raging

storm. Lear is in a storm that reflects the chaos all around, naked and open to a world that

he was unaware of. Edgar as the mad Tom represents the essential human condition and

moves Lear to a state of empathy, and he prays for true justice in the world. It is not until

Lear enters the world of the poor and the hungry that he can know it. When he knows it

he experiences true growth as an old man.

**************************************

2-15-01 Night #1, 8:30pm Praxis

New Hope Community Center, 221 Smith St. Poughkeepsie, N.Y. 12601

Drug Elimination Program

>>stream of consciousness: 8:30pm<<

>> I’m pretty pumped up. The whole experience was not quite what I expected it

to be. Everyone was so kind and warm and friendly and appreciative. I’ve driven by the

Smith Street Housing Project many times but I have never entered it. I really did not

know what to expect.

The front doors were locked, but when I tried the second door a young kid came

out and I was able to slip in. I asked for Tim Baker (the guy in charge) and was directed

25

downstairs. At first, for a moment, he seemed a little alarmed at my presence, but his

face immediately broke into a smile when I mentioned community service and Marist and

Praxis. I guess he never got my message that I was coming. He told me to have a seat on

the stairs while he went upstairs to check on the kids. As he left me he said, “Do you

know anything about computers?” I said, “Yes.” He replied that I was a godsend and

disappeared for a while. I thought about reading the last few pages of Coles, as I had my

bag along, but then I thought maybe not.

When he came back he gave me a tour of the place and we checked out the

computers. Then he brought me up to meet the kids in the gym. There were about 60 to

70 kids there and I did not see one that did not seem happy. They were loud and

rambunctious-it was a little disconcerting. The fact that I was the only white guy in the

building did not seem to bother them at all.

The adults all greeted me with open arms and gratitude. Nowhere did I sense any

semblance of racial animosity. I felt very welcome.

I took a group of about ten young children to the computer room. I didn’t have

anything set up or organized for them. Tim mentioned that all they knew how to do with

a computer was to play games with it. So, I didn’t encourage any game playing. I’ll do

that later, maybe, with the right kind of games, and when the time is right. Anyway, I

decided to show them Microsoft Word. None of them were aware of it. I showed them

some of the cooler features that I thought little kids might like. I showed them how to

make big fonts, and different fonts and how to change and make custom colors. They

seemed pretty interested in that. One of the younger girls was interested in the Desktop

26

Themes program, so I made a shortcut for it on the desktop and she played around with

that, while I jumped back and forth with the different children.

It was all pretty much running from one machine to the other-disorganized but

exhilarating. It was about this time that one of the little girls had me wear her ponytail

hairpiece thingie. I wish I had a camera!

One young boy began typing up a paper in Word on Duke Ellington. I showed

him a few things that he seemed quite interested in knowing. I showed him how to tab

the first sentence over to indent a paragraph, and how to cut and paste. I showed him how

spell checker worked and how grammar check worked. He was very receptive.

I think it’s important that minority children get the same education as richer white

kids do regarding computers. New Hope Community Center has state of the art machines,

but the kids don’t really know how to use them effectively. I’d love to be able to make a

little difference and give them some help catching up. They can come to the center and

type up any homework they might have and hand it in looking as good as the next kid.

Maybe I can be of some little help. When eight-o-clock came around, I went back up to

the gym to find Tim. They were all finishing up and saying their good-byes.

I just kind of sat back and watched. I noticed a young boy and girl that were in

love. He gave her a piggyback ride out of the gym and she waved good-bye to Tim. Tim

asked me if I saw the movie, “Love and Basketball.” He said that those two were right

out of it! I told him I’d rent it.

I plan on going back again next Wednesday night. I’m going to call Tim and we

are supposed to arrange something a little more organized for the computer room. I’m

thinking now about bringing my daughter, Sarah (a RHS senior, interested in social

27

work) with me, since she knows computers pretty well. I’m also thinking about bringing

that old IBM machine I have and taking it apart for the kids, so they can see what it looks

like inside.

Okay, scholarly literature and connections. Well, since I am just catching my

breath right this minute, and my adrenaline is beginning to fade, let me think. I’ve

immersed myself in scholarly literature for the last four weeks in anticipation of this

night. Right now (8:45pm/2-15-01) I am drawing a blank. The whole experience seems

so far removed from intellectual thought. Tonight’s experience was an explosion of

reality for me. At the moment this is more of an emotional experience for me than an

intellectual one. I need time to reflect. <<end stream of consciousness<<

**********************************

Earnhardt clipping: (New York Times, February 20, 2001)

The hero of America’s middle class, blue-collar worker has died. I like to think of

Earnhardt as a tragic hero. In my mind he has tragic and mythic stature. That is how I

think of him. Before Plato we had Homer and the celebration of the external man-the man

of arms and aggression. This is the line that Earnhardt descends from. Ancient Greek

civilization revered Homer for centuries. The Iliad and Odyssey were stories that the

people lived their lives by-were taught by.

Plato changed this (and improved this) when he introduced the world to Socrates-

the internal man-the man of the soul-the contemplative man. Earnhardt is older and from

Homer.

28

His death touches mythic and tragic chords that dwell deep within the psyche of

the American blue-collar worker. He represents older values of heroism and courage as

well as fame, glory and honor. His appeal is non-intellectual. He is in the tradition of

Achilles and Odysseus. Earnhardt was nicknamed, “The Intimidator,” and was respected

upon the racetrack, which is a battlefield of sorts-a kind of organized and modern

violence. In a very modern and yet heroic way, he faced death every Sunday afternoon

during the summers.

At 49 and with many successful battles behind him he could have left racing and

lived a peaceful life on the sidelines. Achilles also had that choice, which was to leave

Troy and choose a long and quiet life or stay and face his fate in battle. Like the Greeks

before the walls of Troy, Earnhardt had his aristeia. An aristeia is a battle scene that sets

one’s fame and glory, the Greek term for which is kleos (what other people think about

you after you die). On the last lap of the Daytona 500 Earnhardt fought off the fierce

warriors behind him (his aristeia) – sacrificing himself for the sake of his son in front of

him and the eventual winner of the race, Michael Waltrip, in his other car. His kleos,

achieved only through death, was set for eternity.

The worldviews of America’s blue-collar worker are anti-intellectual and not in

the Socratic/Platonic tradition. They are older views more in the Homeric tradition of the

man of arms that Earnhardt represents. Earnhardt is in the direct American line of rugged

individualist like Natty Bumpo, Whitman, Hemingway and Clint Eastwood. Such is his

appeal.

29

Praxis

The New Hope Community Center praxis project has fallen apart. The man who

ran the program at night, Tim, is no longer working there and the night sessions have

been cancelled for now. I will not get to work with those young kids on the computers. It

wasn’t meant to be.

I called the “Family Partnership Center” in Poughkeepsie and got in touch with

Pam Sackett. She runs the program at night there. I spoke with her on Friday morning,

March 2, 2001. I am going to meet with her on this coming Wednesday morning. I am

tentatively scheduled to start a program that requires a three-month commitment. This, I

hope will be my new praxis project.

The “Family Partnership Center” is a much larger organization than the “New

Hope Community Center.” It is housed in the old “Our Lady of Lourdes” high school

building on North Hamilton Street in Poughkeepsie.

I am going to work with a family, tutoring them in the use of a computer. I will

meet with them in the teen activity center within the building once a week for three

months. At the end of this period, and if I have been successful in my efforts, the family

will be allowed to keep the computer and take it home.

I like this praxis. I have not begun it yet but I am already looking at it as though I

and my family are a team and we are going to get that computer!

30

Praxis

March 11, 2001

I met with Pam on Wednesday and she showed me around the site. She sat down

with me in the TRAC (Teen Resource and Activity Center) and went over the Praxis

possibilities and asked me questions about myself. I showed her the World Views and

Values syllabus and she was impressed by our reading list.

She told me that she would like me to commit to a three-month session, involving

the teaching of computer skills. I told her I could do that-that my wife had okayed it.

Because of the recent inclement weather the program had been set back a week. I will

begin this coming Thursday. I am going to be teaching two families how to use a

computer and at the end of the three-month period they will get to keep the computer if

they pass a little test. The families will alternate each week for the three-month period.

After she explained this to me she told me that there would be certain

“challenges.” She said that the people here had been receiving some form of government

assistance for most of their lives. They have spent much of their lives being told what to

do by white authority figures. She warned me that I would experience some forms of

racism and hostility. When she first started working there she said she was the target of

basketballs when she crossed the gym floor. Now, they refer to her affectionately as Miss

Pam.

I’m probably being naïve here, but I welcome a challenge. We’ll see. With Joshua

Heschel in mind, let this be my mitzvah.

**************************************************************

“God in Search of Man” by Abraham Joshua Heschel, “The Problem of Evil”

31

I think this essay is particularly relevant to our times. There have been many

studies and reflections on the nature of evil throughout history. Joseph Conrad’s, “Heart

of Darkness” is one work that I keep going back to, but I think that this piece (The

Problem of Evil) goes hand in hand with Elie Wiesel’s, “Night.” I think that we can think

of our praxis experience in the light of such extreme examples of evil as are presented in

“Night” and Viktor Frankl’s, “Man’s Search for Meaning.” It is through the acts towards

the prevention of this evil that praxis takes place. I mean that our own little modest

deeds, our mitsvahs (a prayer in the form of a deed), to use Heschel’s term, are the acts

with which individuals can combat evil in the world. These acts or deeds/mitsvahs are

our only recourse in the form of action. They are our acts of love towards our fellow man.

Socrates’ vision of love put forth in the “Symposium” encompasses many factors but one

main factor is to improve the beloved. Love is not merely a personal experience but

more a contemplation of the beautiful or the good. It is a vision of happiness, but not

happiness in our common usage of the word but more like happiness as religious beatific

vision. I think we can approach this beatific light through our little efforts in helping our

fellows, and at the same time do combat with the problem of evil that exists within all

humanity, through praxis. It is good to keep in mind the horror of Conrad’s story as well

as the horror of the 20th century that Heschel mentions in his essay. “All that is left to us

is our being horrified at the loss of our sense of horror” (p. 369).

Heschel is a very devout man and much of what he espouses is directly related to

his religious notions. I am not of his particular religious persuasion but I do agree with all

he has to say. He suggests that to do good-to do virtue is not a thrilling thing, and that we

32

need an ally, and our ally is God. When we do our mitsvahs/praxes, God is present in the

deed and we do not do it alone. In this way he claims, and I agree, “…love of man is the

way to the love of God” (p. 375). Love, as Socrates so vividly puts forth in the

“Symposium” is the bridge between heaven and earth. There is a divine reciprocity of

sorts here that harkens back to Cole’s, “Call of Service.”

Heschel says that the problem of evil is not man’s ultimate problem. The ultimate

problem is man’s relation to God (p. 376). Heschel says that the biblical answer to evil is

not the good, but the holy, meaning that man is raised to a higher level of existence so he

is not alone facing evil. We cannot decide about values without God and we do good

because we owe it to Him. So it is through mitzvah, or in our case, praxis, that we serve

God (Heschel), contemplate the good (Socrates) and cleanse the self-that we deal with the

problem of evil. As Heschel says, “…there is further good in the good” (p. 372). One

mitzvah brings on another.

Praxis

March 15, 2001

I met with Pam S this evening and we went over my praxis project together. The

program that I am going into is partly funded by IBM. The government calls it the

“Digital Divide” program. I told her that I would commit to three months, each Thursday

33

night between 6pm and 8:30pm. She met with the families on Monday night and there are

eight that can come on Thursday nights. She went over each one with me. They are all

mothers and one grandmother with one of their children. All the families are black. Only

one child is allowed to come at a time, to a session. She mentioned to me that one

particular mother, when she gets frustrated, tends to swear and get upset. Reminds me of

home! I didn’t tell her that.

She showed me what amounted to a syllabus. It looked okay, but a little odd. For

example, one of the nights I am scheduled to show them how to use Microsoft’s web

page creation program called, Front Page. I told her that learning that particular program

would be very difficult for beginners. Then she told me that there resident IT guy wrote it

up. That says a lot to me.

The program is moving a little slowly for me but I guess that is the way things go

in bureaucracies. Anyway, I’m ready to go. The first night we (Pam and I) will be giving

them a test to check for basic competencies. They are supposed to be able to find MS

Word and then type up a simple sentence and send it to the printer. Then they are

supposed to do the same thing with MS Publisher. Again, I think that requiring them to

do that in Publisher is a bit tough. I will be surprised if they can do that based on what I

know now of other peoples’ competencies.

I have been wondering just what I might say to any of them if they asked me why

I was doing this. That is one question that seems to run through, “The Call of Service.”

Coles always seems to hesitate before answering that question. I will probably be right

up front and state the obvious-that I am taking a philosophy course called, “World Views

and Values,” and that we cannot merely just talk about moral virtue in it but we have to

34

actually do something morally virtuous. In my own mind I will be thinking that this is

my mitzvah (via Heschel) and that hopefully, my little modest act here will be a way of

building a better world based on love that my youngest daughter will live in. It is a sort

of way of justifying within my own mind leaving my daughter behind to help others.

Most of us live our lives isolated from underprivileged people, and I have for

many years. Reading Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning,” I was reminded of my

comfortable life, and how shallow and meaningless it can sometime become. On page

78, he quotes a woman in the camps who is soon to die, who says, “In my former life I

was spoiled and did not take spiritual accomplishments seriously.” I need to break

through the callous attitudes that modern life fosters and embrace spiritual

accomplishments, of which, I think, service is one. Also, on page 115 of “Man’s Search

for Meaning,” Frankl writes, “The more one forgets himself-by giving himself to a cause

to serve or another person to love-the more human he is and the more he actualizes

himself.” Frankl means, I think, to listen to others-really listen, by getting out of one’s

self. Therein lays the road to meaning. This mindset is similar to Socrates’ and his speech

on love in the “Symposium.” Of the many things touched upon in that wonderful

dialogue is the idea that one who is in love spends his time on improving the beloved.

Frankl elaborates further, “In other words, self-actualization is possible only as a side-

effect of self-transcendence” (p.115). This supports Coles’ notion of service as being

reciprocal in nature. To give of one’s self-to improve the other-is how we improve our

own souls.

35

“The Digital Divide,” Some Government Census Statistics:

This program attempts to bridge the gap between the haves and have-nots

regarding computers. Recent census studies indicate that the “income gap” is the single

largest contributing factor to the digital divide. This divide is often attributed to race, but

income is the predominate factor that determines whether Americans are online.

Chart II-2: Percent of U.S. Persons Using the Internet By Income

By Location

1998

At HomeOutside Home

Any Location

Under $5,000 6.5 12.1 16.05,000-9,999 5.1 8.7 12.110,000-14,999 6.0 9.5 13.915,000-19,999 7.7 10.5 16.620,000-24,999 9.9 12.1 19.925,000-34,999 14.1 14.9 25.335,000-49,999 22.5 17.7 34.750,000-74,999 33.1 21.7 45.5

36

75,000+ 47.7 28.0 58.9

And by race:

Chart II-3: Percent of U.S. Persons Using the Internet By Race/Origin

By Location

1998

At HomeOutside Home

Any Location

White non Hispanic 26.7 18.8 37.7

Black non Hispanic 9.2 12.4 19.0

AIEA non Hispanic 17.5 17.8 29.5

API non Hispanic 25.6 19.4 35.9Hispanic 8.7 10.0 16.6

37

And by education:

Chart II-7: Percent of U.S. Persons Using the Internet By Education By Location

1998

At

HomeOutside Home

Any Location

Elementary 3.8 3.6 6.6Some H.S. 15.6 12.6 24.6H.S. Diploma/GED 13.8 9.3 20.9

Some College 28.7 21.7 42.5B.A. or more 44.6 36.0 61.6

38

And by household type by location:

Chart II-8: Percent of U.S. Persons Using the Internet By Household Type

By Location

1998

At

HomeOutside Home

Any Location

Married Couple w/ Child <18 27.7 17.0 37.6

Male Householder w/ Child < 18 13.5 15.2 25.4

Female Householder w/ Child <18 10.6 14.7 22.3

Family Households w/o Child <18 21.5 14.8 30.0

Non-family Households 18.2 23.1 32.9

39

Praxis

March 24, 2001

Last Thursday night was the first hands-on session teaching the families computer

use. I arrived a little early and was the first one there. I was supposed to meet Pam

upstairs on the second floor in the library. When I tried to get in, the door was locked, so

I went back downstairs and she was just coming in the front door. We went up together

and opened the computer room. Her key unlocked the door, but it would not stay

unlocked. We needed a way to hold it open. There were no wooden wedges lying around

so I took my copy of Coles’ “Call to Service” and tried to wedge it under the bottom of

the door. It was too small, so I grabbed “Night,” and doubled them up. That worked

perfectly. Coles and Elie Wiesel held the door firmly open all evening.

There are eight, state of the art, IBM computers in the room. Eight families were

expected to come. Only five showed up. All the families are black. No fathers came.

There were four mothers and one grandmother. Each had one child with them. The

children ranged from 12th grade to 2nd grade. Pam introduced me to them in the

beginning. When she told me that she was going to do that I wondered just what she

would say. She told them that I was a local businessman and that I was volunteering my

time to help with the program. She never mentioned Marist. I wish she did. Directly after

Pam introduced me the grandmother turned her head to me and nodded. I took that to

mean that she was thankful and appreciative. I nodded back, in a reciprocal manner. The

40

first order of business was to administer a small test to all of the mothers and

grandmother. Pam explained that this was a necessary part of the program and that the

results needed to be filed as records. I could not see any good reason to do this. But, I’m

sure there must be; I’m just not getting it yet. Two of the families were unable to start the

machines. I felt sorry for the grandmother. She was unable to turn on her monitor, and

had to just sit there for at least fifteen minutes. It turned out that her monitor was never

plugged into the wall. They all struggled with the test, which merely consisted of opening

MS Word and typing a sentence and then printing it out, opening MS Publisher, creating

a text box, typing the same sentence and printing it out. They also had to import a picture

into the text box-pretty tough for beginners. Some one at IBM must know better though.

This took up most of the evening’s time and then the kids did it. It was much easier for

them. For the last half hour I just roamed around and showed a few of the mothers and

the grandmother a thing or two about the computer. I also chatted with some of the kids.

From my conversations with them I could tell that they were quite excited about

getting their own computers upon completion of the three-month program. Only one of

the families presently has a computer. It’s an old Compaq and only a Pentium 75, and it

locks up all the time they told me. The others have no machines at home. When I saw

how enthusiastic they were about getting their own computers, I started to feel a little sad.

I had, the week before, gone into the back room and saw the machines that they were

going to get. It looked like a junk pile of old monitors and keyboards-the kind of stuff

that would go for five dollars per pile at an auction. We are going to be putting them

together and reformatting the drives, during the last few weeks. Since IBM and the

government are co-sponsors of the program I would have thought that they would award

41

these families a machine that dates at least from the last two years. After all IBM has

their name placarded all over the inside of the building, congratulating themselves on

donating this or that room to charity. From my readings of Wiesel, Coles and Frankl, I

had thought that the essence of doing good deeds was to do them anonymously and

without reward. In my somewhat grandiose imagination I began to feel how I thought

T.H. Lawrence felt when he promised the Arabs independence upon completion of revolt

in the desert. They followed him through tough times expecting independence, while he

knew all the time that that was most likely not going to happen.

Before I got there I had mild anxiety over whether or not I had the competence to

teach computer usage. I mean did I know Publisher good enough and what about my

limited knowledge of Front Page? I was 180 degrees off. The problem is how to teach

little. These families have no prior computer experience. Most of them were not able to

use the mouse at first, and as I mentioned above, some were not even able to turn the

machines on. Everything seemed fine, to me, on the surface. The atmosphere was

friendly and everyone gave every indication of coming back. However, Pam told me that

I was going too fast for them and that I should talk to them through metaphor. What she

meant was, instead of saying, “start up Word and type a sentence,” say, “turn on the

typewriter and type a sentence.” This kind of communication does not come naturally to

me. It seems so much like condescension. However I took to heart all that Pam said to

me after they had left. I plan to take a look around the Marist library and see what I can

find regarding teaching in a social services setting.

42

*********************************************

Praxis

March 29, 2001

Marist: 8:30 pm: I just arrived at Lowell Thomas to pick up Steve from his

Advanced Data Structures class. I’m downstairs at one of the desks. Tonight, Pam told

me that the families are only required to come every other week. So she did not expect a

full house. Only two families came, so it was more focused this time.

I worked with Aldora. She is a black mother in her mid-thirties. Her son

accompanies her and I would guess he is about 16. He knows computers pretty well so

he goes off on his own and plays solitaire and a computer-typing tutorial I brought in for

exercise. He remains aloof and off to the side but comments a few times on what we are

doing so I know he is listening. Maybe I should bring a computer game in for him next

week.

Aldora works a night shift someplace local. She told me that she has to be at work

at nine. The other family that came was the only grandmother-Ann. Pam worked with her

all night. Ann’s granddaughter accompanies her and she also knows some about

computers. She stayed for a while but then left to view a mural unveiling ceremony that

was taking place downstairs.

My inclination is to stick to business-teaching computers to beginners, but I am

beginning to want to ask questions like Coles or Kozol would, to get to know the people.

Maybe this dynamics will just occur naturally.

43

While I was working with Aldora, a man came into the room and began

conversing with Pam. My back was to them and I was into the computer, going over

things with Aldora, so I was just vaguely aware of his voice. The thought did cross my

mind that he might be the IT (Information Technology) guy that Pam had mentioned

earlier. Eventually he came over to us. I turned around and said hello and thought that he

does not look like an IT guy-too spiffy-more like an administrator. So I asked him if he

was the IT guy. He told me that he was a fundraiser! Interesting. He’s the guy that sweet-

talked IBM into donating these eight, state of the art machines. I’ve got a few more

months to go here-maybe some more sweet-talking could occur and these families could

get better machines at the end.

After our session ended I went downstairs with Pam to see some of the mural

unveiling ceremony. A group of Vassar students were there and they were the one’s that

organized the community mural project. The building was a happy place tonight.

April 7, 2001

Man’s Search For Meaning, by Viktor Frankl

I took a little break from the school texts and read some Dante and Wordsworth

this past week. I re-read a poem of Wordsworth’s that we all have, at one time or another,

either read or heard. It spoke differently to me now than when I was younger. I thought

about it in the light of having read Frankl and made a connection. Frankl says, on page

50, “This intensification of inner life helped the prisoner find a refuge from the

emptiness, desolation and spiritual poverty of his existence, by letting him escape into the

44

past. When given free rein, his imagination played with past events, often not important

ones, but minor happenings and trifling things.” He concludes at the end of the

paragraph, “Our thoughts often centered on such details, and these memories could move

one to tears.” Wordsworth’s poem is concerned with memory-the kind of powerful

memory that can serve one well later in life. I think that this is the kind of thing that

Frankl is talking about when he discusses the three main “avenues” of arriving at

meaning in life through logotherapy. His second “avenue” of experiencing something or

encountering someone would encompass what Wordsworth is getting at in his poem.

Wordsworth experiences beauty through nature and I read the poem as saying that it

serves him well later on.

I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine

And twinkle on the milky way,

They stretched in never-ending line

Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,

Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they

Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:

A poet could not but be gay,

45

In such a jocund company:

I gazed--and gazed--but little thought

What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils.

1804

The poem recounts an experience and ends with an experience. It begins with the

poet being like a cloud-aloof and passive-maybe up above it all. Then he comes upon a

startling thing-the daffodils. The flowers catch his attention and bring him down to earth,

in a sense. The daffodils are given a heavenly value as they are described as “hosts” and

as the “milky way.” They are also referred to as being “golden” and as having brought a

“wealth” to the poet. This is the power and value of memory. This experience is stored in

the poets’ mind, and notes that at the time of the vision of the daffodils, the poet “…but

little thought / What wealth…” they held. In the final stanza the poet’s memory comes

into play and the power of that memory, which is even more powerful than the actual

experience, allows his heart to finally be able to “dance” with the daffodils. This is the

kind of memory that I think Frankl means by his second “avenue” towards meaning in

life.

46

Praxis

4-05-01

I arrived early and waited around for about ten minutes before anyone arrived. I

took the spare moments to read ahead a little in “Amazing Grace,” as I sat in a chair right

next to the locked computer lab door. Aldora and her son were the first ones to arrive.

Trying to strike up a conversation, I asked her if they got their new computers at work

yet. She said no, that they had not. Her son then mentioned to her that they were getting

new computers in school. I took that opportunity to ask him what school he went to. I

figured that it would be Poughkeepsie High School and it was, as I hoped. I was now

able to mention, and try and touch common ground, that I went there too and graduated in

1969. Aldora said that she was class of ’74. That would make her about 43. Just then

Pam arrived and we went inside.

Tonight I worked with a different family. The mother’s name is Ermine and she

brought two of her sons along. One was about 7 or 8 and the other about 15 or 16. They

were good kids-a little spirited but pretty calm overall. However they kept distracting

Ermine. They were no distraction for me but she seemed intent on having them be on

their best behavior.

Ermine is very, very new to computers. She has trouble moving the mouse

around. I reassured her that this is completely normal for beginners. I am careful and

47

conscious of not moving too quickly through the material, but still, that beginner’s sense

of becoming overwhelmed seemed to be there. I am very easy going by nature and I

think that helps because she does seem to be enjoying herself. I remember what it was

like for me when I first began using computers. It seemed like it would be an impossible

task to become competent with them. I kept telling her that what she was experiencing

was perfectly normal, and that I had gone through the same feelings myself, not too long

ago. She seemed to have a fascination for all that the computer could do. A balance

somewhere between a sense of fascination and a sense of bewilderment is probably right

where she should be.

As class wound down I milled about and chatted with some of the other families.

Ann, the grandmother, told me again how much she appreciated the donation of my time

to help her and the others. When I told her that it was my pleasure to be able to do it, she

seemed to understand.

This little act of donating my time makes me think of Abraham Joshua Heschel

and the act of mitvah that he discusses in The Problem of Evil. I like to think of my

modest little act as being a mitzvah, and a direct way of dealing with the problem of evil

in the world. When you think that one mitzvah begets another you begin to see its power.

Heschel says that a mitzvah is a good deed in the form of a prayer and that it serves God,

helps man, and cleanses the self. He says that this is how to deal with the problem of evil

in the world. He says that we can’t solve it but we can deal with it. There is further good

in the good, he says (p. 372). On page 378, Heschel says, “The worth of good deeds

remain in all of eternity.”

48

4/19/01

Praxis Forum

I spoke today at the annual Praxis forum in the Cabaret. I was very

honored to have been given such an opportunity. We only had 3 to 4 minutes to speak so

I hope that what I said was meaningful. To be able to speak along with regular Marist

Praxis students was special as well.

What Lateef Islam had to say about the positive aspects of his community was

important. I like that he focused upon the strengths and not the weaknesses. In my own

Praxis experience these strengths stand out loud and clear. For example there is the

grandmother, Ann. She comes every week with her granddaughter. She works nights, so

when she leaves us she is just beginning her workday/night. She is also going to be taking

a course in Spanish at the Family Partnership Center as well. She has broken bones in one

hand. These breaks were injuries that never healed properly because she was too poor to

get medical treatment in her past. This makes it very hard for her to type. Ann represents

the power of family. She continues to come and learn computers-something very new to

her and probably a little scary too. I respect and salute her for her strength and her

courage. She is representative of the women in our Digital Divide class at the Family

Partnership Center.

49

(Click this link before reading on).

http://202.76.85.189/naxosmusicstation/msaudio/asx/createasx.asp?L_code=271416_02&

item_code=8.550262

************************************************************************

The time has come to hand in this journal. I was thinking of an appropriate ending

but instead came to the realization that a journal should never have an ending. It can stop

due to the death of its author or stop from a change of heart, or stop with the intent of

continuing at a later date. But a formal ending-no. To borrow and phrase from Amanda

Kelly, “if I could I would” fade my words into music at this point. I would insert an

interlude here. I would insert from Claude Debussy’s, Nocturnes, Nuages (Clouds) here.

It is a piece of tonal music that has no formal beginning and no formal ending. It drifts

into your heart and travels through you and leaves you as gently as the clouds in the sky

would, if they could. It also leaves you with a sense of impending return. As gently as it

comes, it leaves…