A Guide to Rational Living in an Irrational World -(Original) Albert Ellis & Robert a. Harper

8/20/2019 A Guide to Rational Living in an Irrational World -(Original) Albert Ellis & Robert a. Harper

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A GuideTo

Rational Living

by ..

Albert Ellis Ph.D.and

Robert A. Harper Ph.D.

PRENTICE· HALL, INC.ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, N.J.


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Table of Cont ents

Chapter Pae

! H"# Far Can $"% G" W&th Se'()Ana'y*&*+ !

$"% Fee' a* $"% Th&n-

/ Fee'&n We'' by Th&n-&n Stra&ht !0

0 What $"%r Fee'&n* Rea''y Are !

1 Th&n-&n $"%r*e'( O%t "( E2"t&"na' D&*t%rban3e* /4

5 Re3"n&6&n and Atta3-&n Ne%r"t&3 7eha8&"r /99 O8er3"2&n the In('%en3e* "( the Pa*t 00

: H"# Rea*"nab'e &* Rea*"n+ 1

The Art "( Ne8er 7e&n De*perate'y ;nhappy 5

!4 Ta3- '&n D&re Need* ("r Appr"8a' 9

!! Erad&3at&n D&re Fear* "( Fa&'%re

! H"# t" St"p 7'a2&n and Start L&8&n !4

!/ H"# t" 7e Happy Th"%h Fr%*trated !!

!0 C"ntr"''&n $"%r O#n De*t&ny !1

!1 C"n


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!.

How FarCan You Go

1 With Sel f Anal!sis"

Pe"p'e OFTEN SA$ t" %*, >L""-, 'et?* *%pp"*e that y"%r pr&n3&p'e* "( rat&"na'

therapy a3t%a''y #"r- . Let?* *%pp"*e that y"% rea''y 3an, a* y"% 3'a&2, tea3h

any &nte''&ent h%2an be&n n"t t" be de*perate'y %nhappy ab"%t pra3)

t&3a''y anyth&n. I( a'' th&* &* tr%e, #hy d"n?t y"% @%*t p%t y"%r the"r&e* &n a

b""- and 'et %* read the2. That #ay, #e?d *a8e a #ha'e "( a '"t "( t&2e,

tr"%b'e, and trea*%re "&n ("r p*y3h"therapy.>

We %*%a''y de2%r.

Se'()ana'y*&*, #e p"&nt "%t, ha* d&*t&n3t '&2&tat&"n*. N" 2atter h"# 3'ear'y

the pr&n3&p'e* "( *e'()he'p are *tated, pe"p'e "(ten 2&*%nder*tand "r d&*t"rt

the2. They read &nt" the*e pr&n3&p'e* #hat they want t" read)and &n"re

*"2e "( the&r 2"*t *a'&ent a*pe3t*. They "8er*&2p'&(y, ed&t "%t 2"*t "( the

a%th"r?* 3are(%''y *tated its, ands, and buts, and %*e the 2"*t 3a%t&"%*'y

*tated r%'e* a* &( they #ere bree6y *'"an* #h&3h 3an be 3a8a'&er'y app'&ed

t" any a((&&3ted per*"n &n any *&t%at&"n.

W"r*e yet, the a2"%nt "( '&p)*er8&3e #h&3h th"%*and* "( reader* &8e t" p*y3h"'"&3a', 2"ra', *"3&a', and "ther pr&n3&p'e* &n #h&3h they *t"%t'y

say they be'&e8e &* a2a6&n'y 8a*t. >I @%*t d"n?t -n"# h"# t" than- y"%,>

they -eep. *ay&n and #r&t&n, >("r ha8&n #r&tten that #"nder(%' b""- I

-eep re)read&n &t a'' the t&2e and &t?* been the greatest he'p t" 2e.> 7%t

#hen y"% 3"rre*p"nd "r *pea- #&th the2 (%rther, y"% are *tart'ed t" (&nd

that they "(ten are d"&n n"th&n a'"n the '&ne* y"% pa&n*ta-&n'y de)

*3r&bed &n y"%r >#"nder(%' b""->)"r that the&r a3t%a' beha8&"r &* d&a)

2etr&3a''y "pp"*ed t" y"%r ad8"3a3&e*.

!


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A Guide To Rational Living

Th&* &* the %n&er y #e'',> *ay* the a8erae 3""per at&8e pat&ent a(ter a (a&r'y *h"rt

per&"d "( th&* - &nd "( ther a py, >I th&n- I pr etty 2%3h *ee #hat y"% 2ean.

I?2 "&n t" try t" d" a* y"% *ay and 3ha''ene 2y "#n n"n*en*e that &*

3r eat&n 2y e2"t&"na' d&*t%rban3e.> And he d"e* try, and *""n perhap*

e8en the 8ery ne=t *e**&"n 3"2e* ba3- t" r e p"rt S&n&(&3ant pr"r e**. He

r e p"rt*, ("r e=a2p'e a* "ne "( "%r pat&ent* *tated a (e# 2"nth* a", >Say,

th&* &* r ea''y r eat I d&d e=a3t'y #hat y"% t"'d 2e t" d". In*tead "( r"8e')

&n be("re 2y #&( e, a* %*%a', #hen *he 'a&d 2e "%t ("r ha8&n 3"2e t" *ee

y"%, *%pp"*ed'y te''&n ta'e* a b"%t her , and *pend&n 2"ney ("r treat)2ent, I r e2e2ber ed #hat y"% *a&d. ?What &* her 2"t&8e,? I a*- ed 2y*e'( ,

("r be&n anr y+ I?'' bet that, @%*t a* the D"3t"r *a&d, *he?* rea''y *&3- her)

*e'( , %nderneath, and &* @%*t try&n t" 3"8er %p ("r her "#n #ea-ne** by.

'ay&n 2e "%t. 7%t th&* t&2e I?2 n"t "&n t" ta-e her *" *er&"%*'y and 'et

2y*e'( et % p*et by her #ea-ne**.? And I d&dn?t. I d&dn?t 'et &t b"ther 2e at

a''.>

>F&ne> *a&d the ther a p&*t, ( ee'&n that per ha p* th&* pat&ent r ea''y #a*

'earn&n h"# t"


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Th&*, then, &* "ne "( the 2a&n ad8antae* "( &nten*&8e p*y3h"therapyB &t*

repet&t&8e, e=per&2ent&n, re8&*&n, pra3t&3&n nat%re. And th&* &* #hat n"

b""-, *er2"n, art&3'e, "r *er&e* "( 'e3t%re*, n" 2atter h"# e=3e''ent'y e=)

p"*&t&8e and e=p'&3at&8e, 3an (%''y &8e. Th&* &* #hy the a%th"r* "( th&* b""-

&ntend t" 3"nt&n%e d"&n &nd&8&d%a' and r"%p p*y3h"therapy and tra&n&n

"ther p*y3h"therap&*t*. Whether #e '&-e &t "r n"t, the reat 2a@"r&ty "(

*er&"%*'y d&*t%rbed pe"p'e 3ann"t be e=pe3ted t" rea''y et at the r""t "(

the&r pr"b'e2* and r&d the2*e'8e* "( the&r need'e** an=&ety and h"*t&'&ty

#&th"%t *"2e a2"%nt "( &nten*&8e, d&re3t 3"nta3t #&th a 3"2petent thera) p&*t. It #"%'d be per(e3t'y '"8e'y, (r"2 the *tandp"&nt "( the pat&ent, the

therap&*t, and *"3&ety, &( th&* #ere n"t *" b%t 'et %* (a3e &tB &t &*.

N"# ("r a '""- at the "ther *&de "( the (en3e. Wh&'e most e2"t&"na''y

d&*t%rbed &nd&8&d%a'* "n'y bene(&t t" a '&2&ted e=tent by read&n and hear)

&n 2ater&a' de*&ned t" he'p the2 %nder*tand and 3"2bat the&r d&*t%rb)

an3e*, some d" der&8e 3"n*&derab'e, a'be&t rare'y 3"2p'ete, he'p thereby.

A 3a*e &n p"&nt &* that "( the (&(ty)year)"'d en&neer #h" 8&*&ted "ne "( the

a%th"r* a(ter read&n h&* b""-, How to Live with a Neurotic !19. Th&*

2an had a #&(e #h" #a* "b8&"%*'y p*y3h"t&3 and #&th #h"2 he had had

a 2"*t d&((&3%'t t&2e ett&n a'"n ("r the t#enty)e&ht year* "( the&r 2ar)

r&ae. He rep"rted that, %nt&' he read the b""-, he had been 3"nt&n%a''y

anry at her be3a%*e "( her beha8&"r b%t a(ter read&n &t t#&3e, a'2"*t a''h&* aner 8an&*hed and he #a* ab'e t" '&8e One pa**ae &n the b""- part&3%'ar'y he'ped 2e,> th&* ent'e2an re)

p"rted, >A(ter I read and re)read that pa**ae *e8era' t&2e*, a'2"*t a'' 2y


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4 A Guide To Rational Living

aner aa&n*t 2y #&(e *ee2ed t" 2e't a#ay, a* &( by 2a&3. It rea''y &2)

pre**ed 2e 8ery 2%3h.>

>And #hat #a* that pa**ae+> the therap&*t a*-ed.

>In y"%r 3hapter "n h"# t" '&8e #&th a per*"n #h" re2a&n* e2"t&"na''y

d&*t%rbed, y"% *ay, ?a'' r&ht, J"ne* et* dr%n- e8ery n&ht and he &* n"&*y)

#hat d" y"% e=pe3t a dr%n- t" be)*"ber+? That rea''y h&t 2e. And I a*-ed

2y*e'(B ?What d" y"% e=pe3t y"%r 3ra6y #&(e t" be)*ane+? That d&d &t.

O( 3"%r*e, I 3"%'dn?t e=pe3t her t" be *ane. 7%t I 3"%'d e=pe3t me t" be.

E8er *&n3e then, #"%'d y"% be'&e8e &t+ I?8e been a3t&n a he3- "( a '"t d&()

(erent'y)2"re *ane'y.>

And a* (ar a* the therap&*t 3"%'d *ee, he had been a3t&n &n a 2anner

2%3h 2"re rat&"na' and 'e** *e'()de(eat&n *&n3e he t""- th&* part&3%'ar'y

pert&nent pa**ae &n th&* b""- t" heart.

An"ther &n*tan3e &* e8en 2"re *pe3ta3%'ar. An e=)pat&ent, #h"2 #e *ha''

3a'' 7"b S2&th *pent a year and a ha'( &n a *tate h"*p&ta' *e8era' year* a"

#&th a d&an"*&* "( paran"&d *3h&6"phren&a. He ha* been #"r-&n &n the

3"22%n&ty ("r the pa*t (&8e year* and d"&n re2ar-ab'y #e''. N"t "n'y ha*

he been ab'e t" #"r- *tead&'y and t" ta-e 3are "( h&* (a2&'y, b%t he ha* a'*"

been "( 3"n*&derab'e a&d t" 2any "ther e2"t&"na''y d&*t%rbed &nd&8&d%a'*.7%t 7"b S2&th ha* had h&* pr"b'e2*. F"r a 3"%p'e "( year* he ha* n"t been

ab'e t" ta'- t" h&* parent* #h", a* 2&ht be e=pe3ted, ha8e the&r "#n

per*"na'&ty d&((&3%'t&e*. He ha* been "n the 8ere "( d&8"r3&n h&* #&(e.

He ha* been a(ra&d t" d" 2any th&n* he #"%'d ha8e '&-ed t" d", part&3%'ar'y

&n re'at&"n t" appr"a3h&n 8ar&"%* pe"p'e and d&*3%**&n &nt&2ate "r >e2)

barra**&n> *&t%at&"n* #&th the2. In 2any #ay*)e8en a* y"% and I)he ha*

been terr&b'y b"tt'ed %p, de(en*&8e, and h"*t&'e.

Ca2e the da#n)t" be pre3&*e, ay 5, !54. A(ter r%nn&n a3r"** the

art&3'e, >An I2p"'&te Inter8&e# #&th A'bert E''&*,> &n the ar3h and ay

1! &**%e* "( the &3"n"3'a*t&3 2aa6&ne, The Realist, and tra3-&n d"#n

*"2e "( the 2a&n paper* "n rat&"na' p*y3h"therapy p%b'&*hed &n pr"(e*)

*&"na' @"%rna'*, 7"b S2&th #ent thr"%h 2enta' 2""d 3hane* >the '&-e*

"( #h&3h I ne8er (e't be("re.> He *%dden'y 'earned a *&2p'e (a3tB ??Pe"p'eand th&n* are n"t &n the2*e'8e* %p*ett&n. Rather, &t &* "%r te''&n "%r*e'8e*

that they are %p*ett&n #h&3h %p*et* %*.>

Th&* 2a&n tenet "( #hat 7"b S2&th re(er* t" a* the >ant&)%nhapp&ne**

("r2%'a,> #h&3h &* h&* "#n *&2p'&(&ed re*tate2ent "( t#e'8e pr&n3&p'e* "(

rat&"na' p*y3h"therapy (&r*t pre*ented &n a paper at the A2er&3an P*y3h")

'"&3a' A**"3&at&"n ann%a' 2eet&n &n Ch&3a" &n A%%*t, !15, and 'ater

p%b'&*hed &n the #ournal o$ General %sychology !1:, re2ar-ab'y

3haned h&* '&(e. A'2"*t &22ed&ate'y, he bean ta'-&n t" h&* parent*,

ett&n a'"n 2%3h better #&th h&* #&(e, and d&*3%**&n #&th pe"p'e e=a3t'y

the th&n* he had (ear(%''y re(ra&ned (r"2 d&*3%**&n ("r year*.

HOW FAR CAN $O; GO WITH SELF)ANAL$SIS+ 1

N"t "n'y d&d he e(( e3t *"2e a'2"*t &n3red&b'e %nb'"3-&n* &n h&* "#n

th&n-&n and d"&n, b%t 7"b S2&th a'*" bean ta'-&n t" "ther*, *end&n "%t

'ea( 'et*, #r &t&n 'etter*, and d"&n a h"*t "( "ther th&n* that he h"pe* #&''

'ead t" a >3ha&n rea3t&"n> "( &nter e*t &n rat&"na' '&8&n. He be'&e8e* that by

3"nt&n%&n th&* 3ha&n, and &nd%3&n &2p"rtant pe" p'e and *tate*2en t"

th&n- *ane'y and *t"p %p*ett&n the2*e'8e* #&th the be'&e( that other pe"p'e

and e8ent* ar e %p*ett&n the2, %n%*%a' *tr&de* t"#ard #"r'd pea3e 2ay

e8ent%a''y be ta- en. Whether he &* r&ht "r #r"n ab"%t th&*, he ha*

3erta&n'y he'ped h&2*e'( t" th&n- *tr a&ht and &* n"# 'ead&n a 2"re pr")

d%3t&8e and pea3e(%' e=&*ten3e.

S" &t can be d"ne. W&th "r #&th"%t pr&"r p*y3h"'"&3a' *"ph&*t&3at&"n, an

&nd&8&d%a' 3an r ead "r hear a b"%t a ne# &dea, 3an ("r3e(%''y *et ab"%t ap)

p'y&n &t t" h&* "#n th"%ht and a3t&"n, and 3an 3ar8e a2a6&n'y 3"n)


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*tr %3t&8e 3hane* &n h&* "#n p*y3he. N"t e8ery"ne, "( 3"%r*e, 3an "r #&'' d"

th&*. And ( e# "( th"*e #h", the"r et&3a''y, are ab'e t" d" *", a3t%a''y e8er

#&''. 7%t *"2e 3an and *"2e #&''.

H&*t"ry &8e* %* *e8era' "%t*tand&n &n*tan3e* "( &nd&8&d%a'* #h" *&n&)

(&3ant'y 3haned the2*e'8e* and he'ped 3hane "ther* by hard)headed

th&n-&n. en" "( C&t&%2, ( "r e=a2p'e, #h" ('"%r&*hed &n the th&rd 3ent%ry

7.C., and ("%nded the Gr ee- St"&3 *3h""' "( ph&'"*"phy. The Gree- ph&'"*)

"pher , E p&3%r%* the Phr y&an, Ep&3tet%* the R"2an e2per"r , ar3%*

A%r e'&%* the D%t3h Je#, 7ar%3h Sp&n"6a. The*e #er e @%*t a (e# "( the

"%t*tand&n r at&"na' th&n- er * #h", a(ter r ead&n a b"%t the tea3h&n* "(

*t&'' ear'&er th&n- er* Hera3'&t%* and De2"3r&t%*, a2"n "ther*, and d"&n

*"2e ta'' th&n- &n "( the&r "#n, n"t "n'y enth%*&a*t&3a''y ad"pted ph&'"*")

ph&e* "( '&( e r ad&3a''y d&(( er ent ( r"2 the&r "r &&na' be'&e( * b%t)#hat &*

2"re t" the p"&nt ("r p%rp"*e* "( "%r pr e*ent d&*3%**&"n)a3t%a''y bean

t" l ive the*e ph&'"*"ph&e*, t" act &n a33"rdan3e #&th the2.

A'' th&*, 2&nd y"%, #&th"%t bene( &t "( #hat #e t"day #"%'d 3a'' ("r2a'

p*y3h"ther a py. Gr anted, "( 3"%r*e, that the*e #ere "%t*tand&n &nd&8&d%a'*

and that, &n the ent&r e h&*t"r y "( 2an-&nd, the&r n%2ber *ee2* t" ha8e been

r e'at&8e'y ( e#. 7%t the &2p"rtant th&n &* that they d&d &t)d&d *ee the '&ht

"( an"ther ?* rea*"n&n and d&d %*e th&* en'&hten2ent ("r the&r "#n *aner

'&8&n.

Can ba*&3 per*"na'&ty 3hane then, r ea''y be e(( e3ted e=3ept by &nten*&8e

p*y3h"therapy+ "*t 2"de2 a%th"r&t&e* *tr"n'y *ay > N"> Th%*, Fre%d,

Ran- , Re&3h, R"er*, and S%''&8an a'' *t"%t'y 3"ntend that 3erta&n thera) pe%t&3 3"nd&t&"n* 2%*t e=&*t and 3"nt&n%e "8er a per&"d "( t&2e &( ba*&3

per*"na'&ty 3hane &* t" be e(( e3ted &n d&*t%rbed &nd&8&d%a'*. 7%t a'' p"*)

*&b'e #e&ht "( a%th"r&tat&8e


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usually &* so deep)*eated and '"n*tand&n that &t almost always reWhat 3an #e read that

#&'' he'p %* #h&'e #e are %nder"&n therapy+ Ha8e y"% any -&nd "( a

read&n '&*t t" *%pp'e2ent "%r #"r- #&th y"%+> In an*#er t" the*e


9/194

S&n3e, h"#e8er, #e d" a part&3%'ar -&nd "( treat2ent that #e 3a'' rat&"na'

p*y3h"therapy #h&3h &*, a* yet, pra3t&3ed by "n'y a 2&n"r&ty "( therap&*t*,

and *&n3e 2"*t "( the p%b'&*hed 2ater&a' &n the area "( *e'()ana'y*&* and "(

per*"na'&ty e8a'%at&"n and treat2ent "n'y part&a''y &n3'%de* *"2e "( "%r

2"*t %t&'&6ed pr&n3&p'e* and &n3'%de* 2any "ther 8&e#* #e 3"n*&der t" be

"( h&h'y d%b&"%* 8a'&d&ty, #e (&nd reat d&((&3%'ty &n re(err&n "%r &n)


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: A Guide To Rational Living

may r e*%'t &n y"%r 2%3h 2"re ade3r eat&8&ty,> >happ&ne**,>

>'"8e,> >2at%r&ty,> and > pr"b'e2)*"'8&n,> d" n"t @%2p t" the 3"n3'%*&"n

that #e ar e hand&n "%t the *a2e "'d, ha3-neyed, p"''yan&*h, >*p&r&t%a'>

2e**ae that y"% 2ay ha8e '"n a" 3"n*&der ed and r e @e3ted a* be&n "( n" pr a3t&3a' 8a'%e &n y"%r '&(e. S%per( &3&a''y, *"2e "( the th&n* #e *ay 2ay

*"%nd '&- e > p"*&t&8e th&n-&n,> 'et)%*) pr ay)("r)the)be*t)&*2, "rth"d"= *t"&3)

&*2, "r "ther %t"p&an 3r ed". A3t%a''y, they are n"t. Try read&n the ant&)%n)

ha pp&ne** pr&n3&p'e* #e pr e*ent &n th&* b""- then try th&n-&n and a3t&n

"n the2. We 3"n(&dent'y e= pe3t that y"%, '&-e 2any "( "%r &nd&8&d%a' and

r"%p p*y3h"ther a py pat&ent*, #&'' ( &nd that #e?8e >"t *"2eth&n there.>

Her e, then, &* "%r p'an ("r *tr a&ht th&n-&n and r at&"na' '&8&n. Read &t

3ar e( %''y and #&th a'' d%e a''"#an3e* ("r "%r '&2&tat&"n* a* 3"22%n&3at"r*

and y"%r* a* a r e3e&8er "( &nte''&en3e. N" 2atter h"# ""d the r%'e* "(

'&8&n that #e *et be("r e y"%, r e2e2ber that #hat r ead* ea*&'y and *&2p'y

2ay be


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You Feel

As You Thin#

>WHAT $O; SA$, Dr. Harper , *ee2* "n the *%r(a3e t" be p'a%*&b'e and

*en*& b'e. And &t #"%'d be a'' 8ery n&3e &( h%2an be&n* a3t%a''y #"r-ed a*

*&2p'y a* y"% &nd&3ate that they d" 7%t, (ran-'y, #hat y"% and Dr. E''&*

3a'' y"%r the"ry "( rat&"na' p*y3h"therapy *"%nd* t" 2e, #hen y"% pr"be

a '&tt'e &nt" &t, 8ery *%per(&3&a', ant&p*y3h"ana'yt&3, and '&- e a ( e# pae* "%t

"( the h"#)t")'&( t)y"%r*e'()by)y"%r)b""t*trap* *3h""' "( *'&3- 2aa6&ne p*y)

3h"'"y.>

The *pea-er , Dr . 7))), #a* a 2e2ber "( a r"%p "( ed%3at"r* t" #h"2

I had been a*-ed a* b"th a%th"r* "( th&* b""- ( r ee" p*y3h"'"y.>

St&'', I 3"%'dn?t he' p ta- &n 2y he3-'er *"2e#hat t" ta*- )n"t be3a%*e

I th"%ht I 3"%'d 3hane h&* 2&nd, ("r #h" 3an %n(ree6e the pre@%d&3e* "( a

tr a&ned p*y3h"therap&*t)and n"t be3a%*e I &t3hed t" p%t h&2 &n h&* p'a3e

("r the '%=%ry "( 8ent&n "ne?* *p'een "n "ther* &*, a* #e *ha'' *h"# 'ater

&n th&* b""- , n" r e#ard ("r the tr%'y r at&"na' per *"n, b%t be3a%*e I th"%ht

that h&* "b@e3t&"n* 2&ht be t%rned t" ""d a33"%nt t" de2"n*tr ate "ne "(

the 2a&n pr&n3&p'e* "( RT ("r the r e*t "( 2y a%d&en3e.

>$"% ar e pre*%2a b'y " b @e3t&n,> I *a&d, >t" "%r 8&e# that h%2an (ee'&n*


nd e2"t&"n* are 2%3h d&((erent (r"2, and 2"re than, th"%ht* and &dea*,

nd that they 3ann"t be 3haned, a* I ha8e @%*t *a&d they 3"%'d, *&2p'y by

han&n the per*"n?* th&n-&n. I* that y"%r 2a&n p"&nt+>

>It &*. We ha8e (&(ty "r a h%ndr ed year*? h&*t"ry "( e=per&2enta' and

3'&n&3a' (&nd&n* that pr"8e ent&re'y "ther#&*e.>

>Perhap* *". 7%t *%pp"*e #e ("ret th&* h%ndred year* "( h&*t"ry ("r a

2"2ent and 3"n3entrate "n the h&*t"ry "( the 'a*t (e# 2"2ent*. J%*t a *h"rt

#h&'e a", a* I #a* &8&n 2y ta'- "n rat&"na' therapy, y"% #ere ha8&n *"2e

ea' &nten*e e2"t&"na' (ee'&n*, #ere y"% n"t+>

>I 3erta&n'y #a* I #a* (ee'&n that y"% #ere an &d&"t and *h"%'d n"t be

a''"#ed t" " "n *p"%t&n *%3h n"n*en*e.>


12/194

>F&ne,> I *a&d, a* the re*t "( 2y a%d&en3e 'ee(%''y h"#'ed. >7%t y"% a'*",>

per*&*ted, >had an"ther e2"t&"n, @%*t be("re y"% *t""d %p t" *pea- aa&n*t

2e d&d y"% n"t+>

>I d&d+ What -&nd "( an e2"t&"n d" y"% 2ean+>

>We'', %n'e** I 2&** be&n #"rth 2y *a't a* a 3'&n&3&an, I #"%'d *ay that,

%d&n (r"2 the h&h and %ne8en p&t3h "( y"%r 8"&3e a* y"% @%*t *p"-e,

y"% had at 'ea*t a '&tt'e b&t "( an=&ety ab"%t ett&n %p a2"n y"%r peer*

here and 8"&3&n y"%r ant&)Harper&an "p&n&"n. A2 I t"ta''y &n3"rre3t ab"%t

h&*+>

>);h)> y anta"n&*t he*&tated ("r *e8era' '"n *e3"nd* #h&'e the

-n"#&n *2&'e* "( the 2e2ber* "( the a%d&en3e #ere n"# &n 2y (a8"r.

N"). I %e** y"%?re n"t t"ta''y &n3"rre3t. I d&d ha8e *"2e an=&ety @%*t

be("re *pea-&n and d%r&n the (&r*t part "( 2y #"rd* th"%h &t?* a'' "ne

"n"#.>A'' r&ht. J%*t a* I &2a&ned, then. $"% had t#" e2"t&"n* #h&'e I #a*

pea-&nB aner and an=&ety. And n"#, at th&* pre*ent 2"2ent, y"% *ee2 t"

ha8e ne&ther . I* that 3"rre3t t""+>

>De(&n&te'y. I a2 n" '"ner an=&"%* "r anry)th"%h perhap* I (ee' a

&tt'e p&ty ("r y"% ("r *t&'' h"'d&n t" #hat I th&n- &* an %ntenab'e p"*&t&"n.>

T"%3he Aa&n the *2&'e* #ere beh&nd h&2.

>G""d. aybe #e'' " &nt" the (ee'&n "( p&ty ("r 2e a '&tt'e 'ater. 7%t

et?*, ("r a 2"2ent, et ba3- t" the an=&ety and aner. W"%'d I be That &d&"t, Harper)a'"n #&th that "ther n&n3"2p""p 3"''ea%e"( h&*, E''&*)&* 2"%th&n the 8er&e*t "( h"#a*h. There "%ht t" be a 'a#

aa&n*t h&* b"r&n %* t" tear* #&th th&* -&nd "( *t%(( at #hat 2&ht "ther#&*e

be a h&h'y *3&ent&(&3 2eet&n?+>

>Pre3&*e'y H"# d&d y"% %e**+> Aa&n the 3h"r%* "( *n&3-er* #a* pretty

"'&d'y beh&nd h&2. I 3"nt&n%edB

>It 2%*t, aa&n, be 2y 3'&n&3a' &nt%&t&"n. Any#ay, y"% d&d ha8e *%3h a

h"%ht, and y"% #ere anry. And "%r the*&* &n rat&"na' therapy &* @%*t

! $O; FEEL AS $O; THIN

hatB that y"%r th"%ht)?Dr. Harper &* n"t "n'y 2"%th&n h"#a*h b%t he

houldn+t be a''"#ed t" d" *"?)&* the rea' and 8&rt%a''y *"'e *"%r3e "( y"%r

ner. Indeed, &n "ne *en*e "( the ter2, th&* th"%ht is y"%r aner. "re"8er,

%r the*&* &* that the rea*"n y"% are n"t, at th&* pre*ent 2"2ent, *t&'' anry,

* be3a%*e y"% ha8e rep'a3ed the "r&&na' th"%ht #&th S%pp"*e y"% are r&ht ab"%t Dr. 7))?* (ee'&n* "(

aner and n"# p&ty. What ab"%t h&* an=&ety+>

>I #a* @%*t "&n t" et ar"%nd t" that,> I rep'&ed. >A33"rd&n, aa&n, t"

he the"r&e* "( rat&"na' therapy, #hat happened &n 3"nne3t&"n #&th h&*

an=&ety #a* a* ("''"#*. A* I #a* ta'-&n, and a* he #a* &n3&t&n h&2*e'( t"aner by te''&n h&2*e'( #hat an &2p"**&b'e per*"n I #a*, Dr. 7)) #a*

a'*" *ay&n t" h&2*e'( *"2eth&n a'"n the*e '&ne*B ?J%*t #a&t t&'' Harper

t"p* ta'-&n 7"y, ha8e I *"2eth&n t" *ay that #&'' *h"# e8ery"ne #hat

an &d&"t he &* and #hat a br&ht b"y I rea''y a2 ("r be&n ab'e t" *ee #hatan &d&"t he &* and *h"# h&2 %p be("re e8ery"ne. Let 2e *ee, n"#, h"#

ha'' I *


13/194

?2 @%*t @ea'"%* "( h&* and E''&*?* *%33e** #&th pat&ent* and #&th the&r #r&t)

n*+ W&'' &t really d" 2e any ""d t" "pen 2y b& 2"%th aa&n*t h&2+?

>The*e *e'()3reated and *e'()perpet%ated *enten3e* "( Dr. 7)?*, I hy)

p"the*&6e, 3a%*ed h&2 t" be an=&"%*)and, a* I n"ted be("re &n reard t" h&*

aner, &n a 3erta&n *en*e were h&* an=&ety. I* that, Dr. 7)), n"t *"+ A2 I *"

#&de (r"2 the 2ar- aa&n+>

>$"%?re pr"bab'y n"t ent&re'y #r"n,> 2y "pp"nent a3And, be'&e8e 2e, I a2 %*&ny"%r &nterna'&6ed *enten3e* a* an e=a2p'e here "n'y be3a%*e they are an

''%*trat&"n "( #hat 8&rt%a''y a'' "( %* d". 7%t that?* @%*t the p"&nt I a2


14/194

! A Guide To Rational Living

tr y&n t" 2a-e)that pre3&*e'y be3a%*e a'' "( %* - ee p te''&n "%r*e'8e*

the*e -&nd* "( *enten3e*, #e ar e 2"r e "r 'e** an=&"%* be( "r e *pea-&n &n

p%b'&3. 7e3a%*e #e te'' "%r*e'8e* a ?I 2&ht 2a- e a 2&*ta- e and (a''

"n 2y (a3e be("re th&* r "% p "( 2y peer *? and, 2%3h 2"r e &2p"rtant, te''

"%r *e'8e* b ?And #"%'dn?t that be awful &( ! d&d 2a-e a 2&*ta-e and (a''

"n 2y (a3e &n p%b'&3+?)pre3&*e'y be3a%*e #e te'' "%r*e'8e* the*e 3ata*tr")

ph&6&n *enten3e*, #e a'2"*t &22ed&ate'y bean t" $ eel an=&"%*. Other#&*e,

&( #e t"'d "%r *e'8e* "n'y *enten3e a b%t &n*tead "( b, *a&d t" "%r*e'8e*

the *a2e ed%3at"r #h" had (&r*t a*-ed ab"%t Dr. 7))?*

an=&ety &nterr % pted aa&n, >*% pp"*e y"% ar e r&ht, Dr. Harper, &n reard

t" h"# 7)) #a* 3reat&n h&* an=&ety. H"# d" y"% e=p'a&n &t* 'ater d&*)

appear an3e, &n ter2* "( y"%r the"ry "( RT+>

>er y *&2p'y aa&n. Ha8&n *3re#ed %p *%((&3&ent 3"%rae t" *pea- &n

*p&te "( h&* *e'()3r eated an=&ety, Dr. 7)) ("%nd that, e8en th"%h he d&d

perha p* part'y ( a'' "n h&* ( a3e, at 'ea*t t" the e=tent "( n"t (%''y ann&h&'at&n

2e, the #"r 'd d&d not 3"2e t" an end, and n" a3t%a' 3ata*tr"phe "33%rred.

At #"r*t, he ( "%nd that ! - e pt *tand&n %p t" h&* a**a%'t and that *"2e "(the 2e2 ber * "( the a%d&en3e *t&'' *ee2ed t" be "n 2y *&de, a'th"%h per)

ha p* *"2e a'*" *&ded #&th h&2. S" he 3haned h&* &nterna'&6ed *enten3e* t"

*"2eth&n '&-eB

>?Oh, #e''. Harper *t&'' d"e*n?t r ea''y et 2y p"&nt and *ee #hat (a'*e)

h""d* he?* pr"p"%nd&n her e, and *"2e "( the*e "ther pe" p'e are *t&'' "n h&*

*&de, b%t that?* @%*t t"" da2ned bad. $"% 3an a'#ay* (""' *"2e "( the pe"p'e

*"2e "( the t&2e, and I @%*t 3an?t e= pe3t &t t" be any d&((er ent. IK'' @%*t b&de

2y t&2e, 3"nt&n%e t" pre*ent 2y 8&e#, and e8en &( ! d"n?t #&n e8ery"ne "8er

t" &t, I 3an *t&'' e(( e3t&8e'y h"'d &t 2y*e'( .?

>W&th th&* new , ant&)3ata*tr "ph&6&n 3ha&n "( *enten3e*, Dr. 7)) ha*

d&* pe''ed the an=&ety he pr e8&"%*'y 3a%*ed h&2*e'( and &* n"#, a* he aa&n

ha* pr " ba b'y a33%r ate'y r e p"rted, 2"re p&ty&n than anry "r %p*et. I*that n"t 3"rr e3t+>

y "pp"nent aa&n he*&tated a 2"2ent then rep'&ed >I 3an "n'y repeat

that y"% 2ay be part&a''y 3"rre3t, and that there 2ay be something &n #hat

y"% *ay b%t I?2 *t&'' n"t ent&r e'y 3"n8&n3ed.>

> N"r d&d I e=pe3t that y"% #"%'d be. I @%*t #anted t" %*e y"%r "#n e=)

a2 p'e t" &nd%3e y"% t" &8e th&* 2atter *"2e add&t&"na' th"%ht, and try t"

en3"%r ae the r e*t "( the 2e2ber* "( th&* a%d&en3e t" d" '&-e#&*e. aybe

rat&"na' p*y3h"ther a py &*, a* y"% *ay, *%per(&3&a' and "8er'y *'&3- . A'' I

$O; FEEL AS $O; THIN13

a2 a*-&n &* that y"% pr"( e**&"na' pe"p'e &8e &t an h"ne*t tr y and see ("r

y"%r*e'( #hether &t r ea''y &*.>A* (ar a* I -n"#, I ha8e ne8er , t" th&* day, 3"n8&n3ed 2y he3-'er "( the

*"%ndne** "( "%r RT p"*&t&"n. 7%t at 'ea*t thr ee "ther 2e2ber* "( 2y a%d&)

en3e that day ar e n"# RT enth%*&a*t*)#h", #&th the&r *t%dent*, a* #e'' a*

&n re'at&"n t" e8ery p"tent&a' 3r &*&* &n the&r "#n '&8e*, are be&nn&n 2"re

&n3&*&8e'y t" *ee that h%2an e2"t&"n* and ( ee'&n* ar e not 2a&3a''y e=&*t)

ent &n the&r "#n r&ht, and d" not 2y*ter&"%*'y ('"# ( r"2 t"ta''y %n3"n)

*3&"%* "r repre**ed *"2at&3 need* and p*y3h&3 de*&r e*. R ather , they a'2"*t

a'#ay*, &n the 3a*e "( ad"'e*3ent* and ad%'t*, and e8en &n that "( ( a&r'y

y"%n 3h&'dr en, d&r e3t'y *te2 (r"2 &dea*, th"%ht, att&t%de*, "r be'&e( *, and

3an %*%a''y be r ad&3a''y 3haned by 2"d&(y&n the th&n-&n pr"3e**e* that

-ee p 3r eat&n the2.

A'' "( #h&3h br &n* %* t" the par a2"%nt the*&* "( th&* b""-B na2e'y, that


15/194

man can live the mo st sel$'$ul$ ill ing, creative, and emotional ly

sat is $yin g

li$e by int ell igently or ganiin g and di sci&l inin g hi s t hin-in g * A''

the pae*

that ("''"# #&'', &n "ne #ay "r an"ther, bear te*t&2"ny t" th&*

3entr a', r a)

t&"na' p*y3h"ther a pe%t&3 8&e#.

.

/

Feelin$ Well

b! Thin#in$ Strai$ht

?WHAT DO $O; 2ean by a per*"n?* &nte''&ent'y "ran&6&n and d&*3&p'&n)

&n h&* th&n-&n+> #e are "(ten a*-ed by "%r pat&ent*, (r&end*, and pr")

(e**&"na' a**"3&ate*.

Answer. >E=a3t'y that. J%*t #hat #e *ay.>>7%t #hen y"% *ay that by rat&"na''y and rea'&*t&3a''y "ran&6&n and

d&*3&p'&n&n h&* th&n-&n a h%2an be&n 3an '&8e the 2"*t *e'()(%'(&''&n,

3reat&8e, and e2"t&"na''y *at&*(y&n '&( e, y"% 2a-e that ?'&(e? *"%nd '&-e a

3"'d, &nte''e3t%a', 2e3han&3a', and, t" be 3and&d, rather %np'ea*ant a((a&r.>

>ay be *". 7%t &*n?t &t p"**& b'e that &t sounds that #ay be3a%*e 2"*t "(%* ha8e been pr"paand&6ed t" be'&e8e, by "%r parent*, tea3her*, and "ther

p%r8ey"r* "( &n("r2at&"n, that h&h'y ?e2"t&"na'? e= per&en3e* are the "n'y

?rea'? #ay "( ?'&8&n &t %p? and ?ett&n the 2"*t "%t "( '&(e?+ I*n?t &t '&-e'y

that (&3t&"n #r&ter* and dr a2at&*t*, &n part&3%'ar , by *ent&2enta''y rat&"na'&6)

&n *"2e "( the&r "#n ?e2"t&"na'? e=3e**e*, ha8e "(ten been re*p"n*&b'e ("r

*pread&n the d%b&"%* n"t&"n that %n'e** "ne -ee p* r"''er)3"a*t&n (r"2

deep de pre**&"n t" br&e( 2an&3 @"y and then d"#n t" the b"* "( de*pa&raa&n "ne &* ?n"t rea''y '&8&n?+>

>Oh, 3"2e n"# Aren?t y"% e=aer at&n+>

>$e*, pr"ba b'y. 7%t ar en?t you?">I?2 n"t *%r e. S%r e'y y"% d"n?t, &n y"%r "#n per*"na' '&8e*, a'#ay* be)

ha8e '&- e 3"'d)b'""ded, b&)br a&ned, e2"t&"n)*


16/194

pre**&"n "( &nten*e e2"t&"n and #e de(&n&te'y rant that &t may) that &t

there("re must *" &nter(ere. When and h"# are y"% "&n t" pr"8e that?"

>A ""d p"&nt,> "%r Rea*"n&n need n"t &nter)

(ere *er&"%*'y #&th &nten*e e2"t&"n b%t &*n?t &t n"nethe'e** tr%e that &t

n"r2a''y tends t" d" *"+>

>N"t that #e?8e e8er ("%nd)n"r that any"ne e'*e e8er *ee2* t" ha8e

&n3"ntr"8ert&b'y pr"8ed. It 2ay #e'' be tr%e that rea*"n&n n"r2a''y

b'"3-* h&h'y e=aerated, d&*"ran&6&n, "r path"'"&3a''y e=3e**&8e e2")

t&"n. Indeed, that &* "ne "( "%r 2a&n tenet* "( rat&"na' therapy)that *&n3e

a h%2an &nd&8&d%a' (&nd* &t 8&rt%a''y &2p"**&b'e t" th&n- "( t#" 2a@"r th&n*at e=a3t'y the *a2e 2"2ent, and *&n3e e2"t&"n &* n"r2a''y 3reated by

th&n-&n, the 2"re an e=3e**&8e'y "r path"'"&3a''y e2"t&n "r #hat &*

enera''y 3a''ed an e2"t&"na''y d&*t%rbed &nd&8&d%a' th&n-*, the 'e** he

3an at "ne and the *a2e t&2e 3"nt&n%e t" *%*ta&n h&* path"'"&3a' *tate "(

(ee'&n.>

Then y"%?8e pra3t&3a''y ad2&tted "%r 3hare,> "%r


17/194


a2p'e, &nd%3&n the '"8er t" #"r- harder at h&* art "r pr"(e**&"n "r en)

3"%r a&n h&2 t" ( ee' 2"r e -&nd'y t" "ther*. E=aer ated, d&*"r an&6&n, "r

e=3e**&8e '"8e, "n the "ther hand, #"%'d rar e'y &( e8er 'ead t" the*e a3t&"n*

"r r e*%'t*.>

>$"%r 2a&n p"&nt *ee2* t" be, then,> &nter@e3t "%r *- e pt&3*, >that a'th"%h

d&*"ran&6&n e2"t&"n &* 'are'y &n3"2pat&b'e #&th rat&"na' .th&n-&n, &n)

ten*e'y &l easant e2"t&"n* are n"t. I* that 3"rre3t+>

>"*t 3"rre3t. We #"%'d 3"ntend, &n (a3t, that tr%'y rat&"na' th&n-&n

a'2"*t &ne8&tab'y 'ead* t" p'ea*ant e2"t&"n* "( 8ary&n deree* "( &n)ten*&ty. And, perhap* e8en 2"re &2p"rtant'y, #e part&3%'ar'y h"'d that

"n3e h%2an rea*"n &* pr"per'y 2a=&2&6ed and %t&'&6ed t" r&d pe"p'e ?O( the&r

d&*"ran&6&n and d&*r%pt&8e (ee'&n*)that &*, "( the&r *e8ere e2"t&"na'

b'"3-&n* 3a%*ed by 2any dread(%' -&nd* "( an=&ety and aner)"n'y then

3an h&h'y p'ea*%rab'e and pr"d%3t&8e (ee'&n* 3"n*&*tent'y e=&*t. We *ay,

&n "ther #"rd*, the 2"re rea*"n, the 2"re e2"t&"n)"( a ("rt%nate and @"y)

e8"-&n -&nd.>

>ery &ntere*t&n. 7%t th&* &* your hyp"the*&*. And, a* y"% *" 3'e8er'y

n"ted be("re, the "n%* &* n"# "n you t" pr"8e the 8a'&d&ty "( th&* 8&e#.>

>R&ht. And pr"8e &t #e *ha'',&n the re2a&n&n pae* "( th&* b""-, by

pre*ent&n a 2a** "( 3'&n&3a', e=per&2enta', per*"na', and "ther data. 7%t

the 2"*t &2p"rtant and 2"*t %n&

>O. ., then. Let?* *ee &( #e 3an et "n #&th *"2e "( the e8&den3e t" ba3-

"%r ba*&3 the"r&e* "( rat&"na' '&8&n and &leasant e2"t&n.>

At th&* p"&nt, #e enera''y *#&n &nt" *"2e "( the ba*&3 the"r&e* beh&nd

the pr&n3&p'e* "( rat&"na' '&8&n #h&3h #e *ha'' n"# br&e('y de'&neate ("r

"%r reader*.

A* n"ted, h%2an (ee'&n &* rea''y a pr"d%3t "(, and &n *"2e #ay* a ("r2

FEELING WELL 7$ THINING STRAIGHT 17

"(, h%2an th&n-&n. D"e* th&* 2ean that all e2"t&"n* and 3reat&8&ty 3an

"r *h"%'d be 3"ntr"''ed by rea*"n and &nte''e3t+ N"t e=a3t'y.The h%2an &nd&8&d%a' ha* ("%r ba*&3 pr"3e**e*, a'' "( #h&3h are &nd&*)

pen*ab'e t" h&* beha8&n ade


18/194

7y the *a2e t"-en, &( an &nd&8&d%a' 2"8e* "r a3t* *ay, he p&3-* %p a

*t&3-, he a'*" tend* t" per3e&8e #hat he &* d"&n ("r e=a2p'e, t" *ee and

t"%3h the *t&3- t" th&n- ab"%t h&* a3t &2a&ne #hat he 2&ht d" #&th th&*

part&3%'ar -&nd "( *t&3- and t" ha8e *"2e e2"t&"n ab"%t &t t" '&-e &t "r

d&*'&-e &t .

Aa&nB &( any"ne th&n-* ab"%t *"2eth&n ("r e=a2p'e, ab"%t a 3r"**#"rd

p%66'e, he #&'' *&2%'tane"%*'y tend t" per3e&8e *ee &t t" ha8e (ee'&n*

ab"%t &t rea3t (a8"rab'y "r %n( a8"rab'y t" &t and t" 2"8e &n 3"nne3t&"n

#&th &t %*e a pen3&' t" #r&te "n &t "r p%t a*&de the pae "n #h&3h &t &*

pr&nted.

F&na''yB &( "ne e2"te* ab"%t *"2eth&n "r *"2e per*"n *ay, hate* an)"ther &nd&8&d%a', he #&'' a'*" tend t" per3e&8e *ee, hear , t"%3h th&* per)

*"n th&n- a b"%t h&2 re2e2ber h&2, (&%re "%t h"# t" a8"&d h&2 and

ta-e *"2e -&nd "( a3t&"n &n reard t" h&2 r%n (r"2 h&2 "r p%n3h h&2 &n

the @a#.

We (%n3t&"n, then, a* a *&n'e "ran&*2)per3e&8&n, 2"8&n, th&n-&n,

and e2"t&n *&2%'tane"%*'y and &nterre'ated'y. The*e ("%r ba*&3 '&(e pr"3)

e**e* are not d&*t&n3t'y d&((erent "ne*, ea3h "( #h&3h be&n* #here the

"ther* 'ea8e "(( . In*tead, they a'' *&n&(&3ant'y "8er'ap and are &n *"2e re)

*pe3t* a*pe3t* "( the same thing*

Th%*, th&n-&n, a*&de (r"2 3"n*&*t&n "( b&"e'e3tr&3 3hane* #h&3h are,

"( 3"%r*e, 2"t"r pr"3e**e* &n the br a&n, and &n add&t&"n t" 3"n*&*t&n "(

re2e2ber&n, 'earn&n, 3"2par&n, and pr"b'e2)*"'8&n, a'*" &*)and t"

*"2e e=tent ha* t" be)*en*"ry, 2"t"r , and e2"t&"na' beha8&"r .

In*tead, ther e("r e, "( *ay&n, a* #e %*%a''y 8a%e'y *ay, >J"ne* th&n-*

ab"%t th&* p%66'e,> #e 3"%'d 2"r e a33%rate'y n"te that >J"ne* per3e&8e*)

2"8e*)(ee'*)and)THINS ab"%t th&* p%66'e. 7e3a%*e, h"#e8er, J"ne*?*


19/194

!: A Guide To Rational Living

2"t&8e* &n reard t" the p%66'e 2ay be largely ("3%*ed %p"n *"'8&n &t, and

"n'y incidentally "n *ee&n, 2an&p%'at&n, and e2"t&n ab"%t &t, #e 2ay

@%*t&(&ab'y *tate that he th&n-* ab"%t the p%66'e #&th"%t "%r *pe3&(&3a''y

2ent&"n&n that he also per3e&8e*, 2"8e*, and (ee'* &n re'at&"n t" &t. 7%t #e

*h"%'d ne8er ("ret that J"ne* '&-e e8ery"ne e'*e &* n"t rea''y ab'e, e=)

3ept ("r a *p'&t)*e3"nd "r t#", 0ust t" th&n- ab"%t the p%66'e. .uestion. S&n3e th&n-&n &* "n'y "ne "( the ("%r ba*&3 h%2an pr"3e**e*,

and rea''y ne8er 3an be t"ta''y *eparated (r"2 per3e&8&n, 2"8&n, and

(ee'&n, #hy &* &t &8en t"p b&''&n &n the *y*te2 "( rat&"na' p*y3h"therapy+

Answer. F"r rea*"n* #h&3h #&'' *h"rt'y, #e h"pe, be 2ade 3'ear. 7%t 'et

%* (&r*t p"&nt "%t that &t &* e2"t&n)"r, rather, the 3"ntr"''&n "( "%r e2")

t&"n*)rather than th&n-&n "r pr"b'e2)*"'8&n that *ee2* t" be the 2a&n

pr"b'e2 "( h%2an '&8&n t"day. Th&* #a* n"t a'#ay* *". an, &n 3"2pet&)

t&"n #&th "ther an&2a'*, "n3e had the pr"b'e2 "( *ee&n, 2"8&n, and th&n-)

&n better than they d&d, &n "rder t" en*%re h&* "#n *%r8&8a'. T"day, a(ter

&n8ent&n eye'a**e*, radar, a&r3ra(t, e'e3tr"n&3 3a'3%'at"r*, and "ther per)

3e&8&n)2"8&n)th&n-&n a&d*, he r%'e* *%pre2e "n th&* earth and &* '&tera''y

*ee-&n "ther #"r'd* t" 3"n


20/194

WhatYour Feelin$s

4 Reall! Are

WHAT TI'E DEIL is e2"t&"n+

H%ndr ed* "( pr "("%nd b""-* and art&3'e* ha8e tr &ed t" an*#er th&*


21/194

There &*, h"#e8er , 3"n*&derab'e ar ee2ent t"day that ther e &* n" single

3a%*e "r r e*%'t "( #hat #e 3a'' e2"t&"n. At 2&n&2%2, e2"t&"n* ar&*e thr"%ha thr ee)#ay pr "3e**B F&r*t, thr"%h *"2e -&nd "( phy*&3a' *t&2%'at&"n "( the

*pe3&a' e2"t&"na' 3enter "( the bra&n 3a''ed the hyp"tha'a2%* and the

ner 8e net#"r- "( the b"dy 3a''ed the a%t"n"2&3 ner8"%* *y*te2. Se3"nd,

thr"%h the per3e&8&n and the 2"8&n te3hn&3a''y 3a''ed the *en*"r&)

2"t"r pr"3e**e*. And th&rd, thr"%h de*&r&n and th&n-&n te3hn&3a''y,

3"nat&"n and 3"n&t&"n.

N"r2a''y, the e2"t&"na' 3enter * "( the h%2an "ran&*2 the hy p"tha'a)

2%* and the a%t"n"2&3 ner 8"%* *y*te2 a* #e'' a* the per 3e&8&n, 2"8&n

and th&n-&n 3enter* "( the "r an&*2, e*pe3&a''y the 3erebra' 3enter* "( the

bra&n and the 2&''&"n* "( (&ber* "( the 3entr a' ner8"%* *y*te2 #h&3h " t" the

ar2*, 'e*, *-&n, and "ther end)"ran* "( the b"dy, are &n a 3erta&n 2"derate

*tate "( e=3&ta b&'&ty and r e3e pt&8&ty at any &8en t&2e. Then a *t&2%'%* "( a

3erta&n &nten*&ty &2p&ne* %p"n the e2"t&"na' 3enter* and e=3&te* "r da2p*

the2. Th&* *t&2%'%* 3an be &n rather %n%*%a' 3a*e* d&r e3t'y app'&ed t"

the e2"t&"na' 3enter*)( "r e=a2p'e, by e'e3tr&3a''y *t&2%'at&n part* "( the

br a&n "r by &8&n the &nd&8&d%a' e=3&t&n "r de pr e**&n dr%* #h&3h


22/194

"r re'a=at&"n te3hn&


23/194


L%the, dan3e ther a py, $"a e=er3&*e*, "r "ther phy*&3a' a ppr"a3he*. We

be'&e8e that %nder *"2e 3&r 3%2*tan3e* the*e te3hn& ar e, &n the 8a*t 2a @"r &ty "( &n*tan3e*, #hat

Fr e%d "r &&na''y 3a''ed > pr e3"n*3&"%*> &dea*. That &* t" *ay, they are

th"%ht* and ( ee'&n* "r #hat #e per *"na''y '&- e t" 3a'' &nterna'&6ed

phr a*e* and *enten3e* that ar e n"t immediately a33e**&b'e t" the &nd&)

8&d%a'?* a#ar ene**, b%t that he 3an ( a&r'y ea*&'y 'earn t" &n( er and "b*er8e,

by #"r-&n ba3- (r"2 the beha8&"r #h&3h they &nd%3e h&2 t" per("r2.

We (&r2'y be'&e8e that the a8er ae &nte''&ent &nd&8&d%a', e8en th"%h he

&* *er&"%*'y e2"t&"na''y d&*t%rbed, 3an 'earn t" per 3e&8e the 3er e br a' *e'()*&na'&n* that &n8ar&a b'y '&e beh&nd and 2"t&8ate h&* e2"t&"n* and 3an

*%33eed &n de3&pher&n the >%n3"n*3&"%*> 2e**ae* #h&3h he &* 3"nt&n%a''y

tr an*2&tt&n t" h&2*e'(. On3e he 3'ear'y *ee*, %nder *tand*, and be&n* t"

3ha''ene and


24/194

th&n-&n #h&3h &* *" pre@%d&3ed "r 3&r3%2*3r&bed by an %np'ea*ant pr&"r

e=per&en3e that &t &* n"# '&2&ted, b&a*ed, "8erenera'&6ed, and &ne((e3t&8e.

7e3a%*e the th&n-&n per*"n &* re'at&8e'y 3a'2, he %*e* the 2a=&2%2 &n)

("r2at&"n a8a&'ab'e t" h&2)that &*, the &n("r2at&"n that 2"%'dy bread

&* %np'ea*ant t" eat b%t that n"n)2"%'dy bread &* ""d. 7e3a%*e the e2")

t&"na' per*"n &* re'at&8e'y e=3&ted, he %*e* "n'y part "( the &n("r2at&"n

a8a&'ab'e)that &*, that the 2"%'dy bread &* %np'ea*ant.

What #e 3a'' the th&n-&n &nd&8&d%a' &* a per*"n #h" &* 'e** *tr"n'y

b&a*ed by h&* pre8&"%* e=per&en3e than he #h"2 #e 'abe' >e2"t&"na'.> In3"n*eth&n-&n> and an >e2"t&"na'>

&nd&8&d%a' a* &( y"% had ne8er 2ade y"%r pre8&"%* d&*t&n3t&"n*.

Answer. R&ht y"% are There are, "( 3"%r*e, n" e=3'%*&8e'y th&n-&n "r

e=3'%*&8e'y e2"t&"na' per*"n*, *&n3e #e *t&'' &n*&*t that e8ery"ne, a'2"*t

S&2%'tane"%*'y, per3e&8e*, 2"8e*, th&n-*, and (ee'*. H"#e8er, t" %*e "%r pre8&"%* ter2&n"'"y, *"2e pe"p'e per3e&8e, 2"8e, THIN, and (ee'

#h&'e "ther* per3e&8e, 2"8e, th&n-, and FEEL. The 'atter, a* #e @%*t n"ted

ab"8e, d" a -&nd "( th&n-&n d&((erent (r"2 the ("r2er, and hen3e &redomi'

nantly (ee' #h&'e the "ther #&th the&r 3a'2er and 'e** pre@%d&3ed type "(

3"&tat&"n, 2ay be *a&d t" be th"*e #h" &redominantly th&n-. A'' pe"p'e,

h"#e8er, are th&n-er* and e2"ter*)e8en &( , #hen 2a-&n %*e "( 3"n8en)

t&"na' 'an%ae, th"%h #e are "(ten *"re'y te2pted t" 3"&n "%r "#n #e

arb&trar&'y, t" *"2e e=tent, ha8e t" d&8&de the t#".


25/194

45 A Guid e To Rat ional Living

Perhap* &t #&'' 2a-e th&n* a b&t 3'ear er and th&* &* ad2&tted'y 2%r -y

terr&t"r y &n #h&3h #e ar e tr ead&n &( #e n"te that 2%3h "( #hat #e 3a''

e2"t&"n #"%'d r ea''y *ee2 t" be a 3erta&n -&nd "( th&n-&n "r d&*3r &2&nat&n

)a -&nd that &* *tr"n'y *'anted "r b&a*ed by pr e8&"%* per 3e pt&"n* "r e= per&)

en3e* that &* "(ten a33"2pan&ed by *harp b"d&'y r e*p"n*e*, *%3h a* ( ee'&n*

"( p'ea*%re "r na%*ea and that &* '&- e'y t" en3"%r ae the e2"t&n per*"n

t" ta- e *"2e -&nd "( p"*&t&8e "r neat&8e a3t&"n)t" " 3"2("r ta b'y t"#ard

"r r%n #&'d'y a#ay (r "2 the *t&2%'%* that *ee2* t" be b%t by n" 2ean*a'#ay* &* 3a%*&n the th&n-&n and &t* e2"t&"na' 3"n3"2&tant*.

In "ther #"rd*B e2"t&"n &n *"2e 2a@"r re* pe3t* *ee2* t" be a -&nd "(

*e2&)'"&3a', (&=ated, pr e @%d&3ed, "r b&"ted th"%ht #h&'e th&n- &n *ee2*

t" be a r e'at&8e'y 3a'2, %n b&a*ed, r e('e3t&8e - &nd "( d&*3r&2&nat&"n. Th%*,

&( #e 3a'2'y 3"2par e "ne app'e #&th an"ther , #e 2ay thought $ ully 3"n)3'%de that &t &* (%''er , 'e** b'e2&*hed, and r edder , and that ther e("re &t &*

2"re '&- e'y t" be a ""d app'e. 7%t &( #e ha8e had 8ery p'ea*ant pr &"r e=)

per&en3e* #&th b'e2&*hed a pp'e* C&( #e, ("r &n*tan3e, *%33e**(%''y b"bbed

("r "ne at a Ha''"#een party and #er e ena b'ed, a* a pr &6e, t" -&** the

pr ett&e*t &r' pre*ent "r &( #e ha8e had 2"*t %n p'ea*ant pr&"r e= per&en3e*

#&th %nb'e2&*hed app'e* C&( #e ate t"" 2any "ne day and be3a2e &'', #e

2ay e=3&ted'y, r a*h'y, and pre @%d&3&a''y)that &*, emotionall y'conclud e

that the b'e2&*hed app'e &* the better "ne and 2ay *tart eat&n &t.It #"%'d a ppear , then, that th&n- &n and e2"t&n ar e 3'"*e'y &nterr e'ated

and at t&2e* d&(( er 2a&n'y &n that th&n-&n &* a 2"r e tranTh&* per*"n #h" *tepped "n 2y t"e &* a b'a3-)

%ard> "r >Th&* 2%*&3 &* #"nder(%'" "r >Oh, h"# a#(%' &t &* that 2y (r&end

d&ed> Perhap* "n'y a$ter y"% ha8e had the*e rap&d)(&re and >%n3"n*3&"%*>

th"%ht* y"% then be&n t" be3"2e e2"t&"na'.

In any e8ent, a**%2&n that y"% d"n?t, at the 8ery be&nn&n, ha8e any

3"n*3&"%* "r %n3"n*3&"%* th"%ht a33"2pany&n y"%r e2"t&"n, &t appear*

t" be 8&rt%a''y &2p"**&b'e t" *%*ta&n an e2"t&"na' "%tb%r*t #&th"%t b"'*ter)

&n &t by repeated &dea*. F"r %n'e** y"% -eep te''&n y"%r*e'( *"2eth&n "n


26/194

the "rder "( >Th&* per*"n #h" *tepped "n 2y t"e &* a b'a3-%ard> "r >H"#

3"%'d he d" a h"rr&b'e th&n '&-e that t" 2e> the pa&n "( ha8&n y"%r t"e

*tepped "n #&'' *""n d&e and y"%r &22ed&ate rea3t&"n #&'' d&e #&th the pa&n.

O( 3"%r*e, y"% 2ay -eep ett&n y"%r t"e *tepped "n and the 3"nt&n%&n

pa&n 2ay *%*ta&n y"%r aner. 7%t a**%2&n that y"%r phy*&3a' *en*at&"n

*t"p*, y"%r e2"t&"na' re*p"n*e, &n "rder t" 'a*t, ha* t" be b"'*tered by *"2e

-&nd "( th&n-&n. Other#&*e, by #hat 2a&3a' pr"3e** 3"%'d &t end%re+

S&2&'ar'y #&th p'ea*ant (ee'&n*. 7y 3"nt&n%&n t" '&*ten t" 3erta&n 2%*&3a'

3"2p"*&t&"n* and ha8&n the *en*at&"n* a%ra' and -&ne*thet&3 "bta&ned

thereby, y"%r e2"t&"n "( #ar2th and e=3&te2ent 2ay be *%*ta&ned. 7%t

e8en %nder the*e 3&r3%2*tan3e* y"% #&'' ha8e d&((&3%'ty &n &er&etuating

y"%r (ee'&n* "( p'ea*%re %n'e** y"% -eep te''&n y"%r*e'( *"2eth&n '&-eB

>Th&* 2%*&3 &* (&ne"; >Oh, h"# I '"8e th"*e har2"n&e*"; >What a #"nder(%'

3"2p"*er the #r&ter "( th&* p&e3e #a*"; and *" "n.

In the 3a*e "( the death "( "ne "( y"%r 3'"*e (r&end* "r re'at&8e*, y"%

n"r2a''y #&'' (&nd &t ea*y t" be3"2e depre**ed, *&n3e y"% ha8e '"*t a re'a)

t&"n*h&p #&th *"2e"ne #h" &* tr%'y dear t" y"%. 7%t e8en &n th&* &n*tan3e

y"% #&'' (&nd &t d&((&3%'t t" *%*ta&n y"%r e2"t&"n "( depre**&"n ("r any per&"d

"( t&2e %n'e** y"% -eep re2&nd&n y"%r*e'(B >Oh, h"# terr&b'e &t &* that he

ha* d&ed> "r >H"# 3"%'d he ha8e d&ed *" y"%n+> "r *"2eth&n "( that *"rt.

E8en then, #hen th&n-&n d"e* n"t &22ed&ate'y pre3ede "r a33"2pany

(ee'&n #h&3h #"%'d apparent'y be rare'y &( e8er, &t #"%'d *ee2 that*%*ta&ned e2"t&"n n"r2a''y &* a**"3&ated #&th th&n-&n and that &t &* p"*&)

t&8e'y "r neat&8e'y e8a'%at&8e th&n-&n, and &n (a3t, *er8e* a* the *%*ta&n)

&n ("r3e beh&nd the (ee'&n. We *ay >n"r2a''y> be3a%*e &t &* the"ret&3a''y

p"**&b'e ("r e2"t&"na' 3&r3%&t*, "n3e they ha8e been 2ade t" re8erberate by


27/194

4! A Guide To Rational Living

*"2e phy*&3a' "r p*y3h"'"&3a' *t&2%'%*, t" - ee p r e8erber at&n %nder the&r

"#n p"#er .

It &* a'*" p"**&b'e ( "r dr %* "r e'e3tr&3a' &2 p%'*e* t" - ee p a3t&n d&re3t'y

"n e2"t&"n)3ar ry&n ner 8"%* 3&r3%&t* *%3h a* the 3e''* "( the hy p"tha'a)

2%* and a%t"n"2&3 ner 8"%* *y*te2 and ther e by t" - eep "ne e2"t&"na''y

ar"%*ed "n3e ar"%*a' ha* *tarted. ;*%a''y, h"#e8er , the*e type* "( 3"n)

t&n%ed d&r e3t *t&2%'at&"n "( the e2"t&"n)pr "d%3&n 3enter* d" n"t "33%r.

They *ee2 t" be '&2&ted 'ar e'y t" path"'"&3a' 3"nd&t&"n*.

ue stion. Gr ant&n that th&n- &n pr "3e**e* %*%a''y pr e3ede, ("''"#, and*%*ta&n h%2an (ee'&n, need &t *t&'' be tr%e that the*e th&n-&n pr"3e**e*

'&tera''y 3"n*&*t "( #"rd*, phr a*e*, and *enten3e* that pe"p'e >*ay t" the2)

*e'8e*+> D"e* all th&n-&n 3"n*&*t "( *e'()8erba'&6at&"n*+ An swer . Per ha p* n"t and #e 3erta&n'y d" n"t #ant t" ta- e an ab*"'%t&*t

p"*&t&"n. We 2%3h pr e( er t" *tate that by the t&2e a per*"n #h" &* n"t *%()

( er&n (r"2 *"2e *e8er e p*y3h"t&3 d&*t%rban3e *%3h a* dee p)*eated *3h&6")

phr en&a r ea3he* ad%'th""d, he ha* n"r2a''y been 3"nd&t&"ned t" d" a')

2"*t a'', &( n"t a b*"'%te'y a'', h&* th&n-&n, and 3"n*eI #"nder &( I?'' et th&* @"b ... I #&*h I d&dn?t ha8e t" (a3e the &nter8&e#

I?2 ab"%t t" ta- e, be3a%*e &t?* n"t 8ery en@"yab'e and ! 2ay be re(%*ed ...

7%t &( I d"n?t ( a3e the &nter 8&e#, I 3erta&n'y #"n?t et the @"b .... 7e*&de*,

#hat d&((er en3e d"e* &t 2a- e &( ! a2 r e(%*ed+ ! rea''y ha8e n"th&n t" '"*ether e by ... Wh&'e &( I d"n?t et the @"b, ! 2ay ha8e a '"t t" '"*e ... The "n'y

th&n t" d", then, &* t" ta-e the &nter8&e#, et &t "8er #&th and *ee #hether

"r n"t I et the @"b.>

7y te''&n h&2*e'( the*e -&nd* "( *enten3e*, th&* 2an &* th&n-&n. F"r a''

pr a3t&3a' p%rp"*e*, h&* *enten3e* are h&* th&n-&n.

I( , h"#e8er , th&* *a2e &nd&8&d%a' be3"2e* h&h'y e2"t&"na', he 2ay *ay

3erta&n d&(( erent *enten3e*B

>S%pp"*e I " ("r th&* &nter8&e#, 2a-e a (""' "( 2y*e'(, and d"n?t et the

WHAT $O;R FEELINGS REALL$ ARE 9

@"b ... That would be aw $ ul6 ... Or *%pp"*e I " ("r the &nter 8&e#, et the

@"b, and then pr"8e t" be &n3"2petent ... That would be $ r i g ht$ul6"

Or th&* *a2e &nd&8&d%a' 2ay *ay *t&'' d&(( erent *enten3e* t" h&2*e'(B>S%pp"*e I " ( "r the &nter 8&e#, 2a- e a ( a8"ra b'e &2 pr e**&"n, and et the

@"b ... That would be wonder $ ul 6 *********y #&(e and (r &end* #"%'d '""- %p t"

2e and th&n- I had d"ne 8ery #e'' ........ And that woul d be $ine6"

7y te''&n h&2*e'( the*e -&nd* "( *enten3e*, and &n3'%d&n the neat&8e

e8a'%at&"n " That would be aw $ul 6" "r the p"*&t&8e e8a'%at&"n, " That wouldbe wond er$ul6", th&* &nd&8&d%a' 3hane* h&* 3a'2 th&n-&n &nt" e=3&ted e2")t&n. And, ("r a'' pra3t&3a' p%rp"*e*, h&* e8a'%at&8e &nterna'&6ed *enten3e*

ar e h&* e2"t&"n.It #"%'d a ppear , then, that p"*&t&8e h%2an e2"t&"n*, *%3h a* ( ee'&n* "(

'"8e "r e'at&"n, ar e "(ten a**"3&ated #&th "r r e*%'t (r "2 &nterna'&6ed *en)

ten3e* *tated &n *"2e ("r2 "r 8ar&at&"n "( the phr a*e >Th&* &* ""d> and

that neat&8e h%2an e2"t&"n*, *%3h a* ( ee'&n* "( aner "r de pr e**&"n, ar e


28/194

(reTh&* &* bad.> W&th"%t an ad%'t h%2an be)

&n?* e2p'"y&n)"n *"2e 3"n*3&"%* "r %n3"n*3&"%* 'e8e')*%3h *enten3e*

a* the*e, 2%3h "( h&* e2"t&n #"%'d *&2p'y n"t e=&*t.

uestion. I( #hat y"% *ay &* tr%e, h"# &* &t that *" ( e# 2en and #"2en,&n3'%d&n ( e# 2e2ber* "( y"%r "#n p*y3h"'"&3a' pr"( e**&"n, 3'ear'y *ee

that th&n-&n and e2"t&n ar e ba*&3a''y the *a2e -&nd "( th&n and that

they *te2 (r"2 &nterna'&6ed #"rd*, phr a*e*, and *enten3e*+ I* th&* be3a%*e

"( the&r &n"ran3e+

Answer . In part, ye*. any pe" p'e, &n3'%d&n p*y3h"'"&*t* and p*y)3h&atr&*t*, @%*t d"n?t b"ther t" '""- 8er y 3'"*e'y at *")3a''ed e2"t&"n* and

there("re re2a&n &n"r ant "( the&r &de"'"&3a' ba*&*. Other* '""- 3'"*e'y

en"%h, b%t "n'y &n the '&ht "( *"2e pr e3"n3e&8ed d"2a, *%3h a* 3'a**&3a'

p*y3h"ana'yt&3 d"2a. We ha8e ("%nd that *"2e per*"n* tra&ned t" th&n-

"( h%2an beha8&"r &n r&&d Fr e%d&an ter2* #&'' n" 2"re 3"n*&der the p"*)

*&b&'&ty that e2"t&"n 2ay be %nder*t""d and r ad&3a''y 3haned by "b*er8)

&n and 3han&n the *enten3e* that 3r eate &t than #&'' *"2e r e'&&"%* (%nda)

2enta'&*t* 3"n*&der anyth&n "ther than the&r &nter pr etat&"n "( 3erta&n

7&b'&3a' pa**ae*.

7%t that &* e=a3t'y #hat #e, n"n)Fr e%d&an* and n"n)(%nda2enta'&*t*, &n)

*&*tB that &( h%2an e2"t&"n* ar e %*%a''y, a* #e 3"ntend they ar e, &n 'are

part the re*%'t "( th&n-&n, "ne 2ay a ppr e3&a b'y 3"ntr"' "r r e8a2p "ne?*

e2"t&"n* by 3"ntr"''&n "r r e8a2p&n "ne?* th"%ht*. Or , 2"re 3"n3r ete'y*tatedB &( "ne #&*he* t" 3"ntr"' "ne?* e2"t&"n*, "ne 2ay a ppr e3&a b'y d"

*" by 3han&n the &nterna'&6ed *enten3e*, "r *e'( )ta'-, #&th #h&3h "ne

3reated the2 &n the (&r*t p'a3e.

Th&*, aa&n, &* the 2a&n 2e**ae "( th&* b""- B that h%2an th&n-&n and


29/194


the e2"t&"n* %*%a''y a**"3&ated #&th th&* th&n-&n 3an be 3"ntr"''ed "r

3haned by par*&n the th"%ht* and e2"t&"n* &nt" the e**ent&a' *enten3e*

"( #h&3h they 3"n*&*t and then 3han&n the*e *enten3e*. We h"'d, 2"re

*pe3&(&3a''y, that *%*ta&ned neat&8e e2"t&"n*)*%3h a* depre**&"n, an=&ety,

aner, and %&'t)are a'2"*t a'#ay* %nne3e**ary and that they 3an be

'are'y erad&3ated &( pe"p'e #&'' 'earn t" th&n- 3"n*&*tent'y *tra&ht and t"

("''"# %p the&r *tra&ht th&n-&n #&th e((e3t&8e a3t&"n.

uestion. Can all neat&8e e2"t&"n* be e=t&rpated by 3"ntr"''&n "ne?*th&n-&n+

Answer. Hard'y. any e2"t&"na' "%tb%r*t*, *%3h a* (&t* "( aner "r (ear,*ee2 t" be *p"ntane"%* and a'2"*t &n*tantane"%* re*%'t* "( per3e&8&n and

2"8&n *en*"r&)2"t"r pr"3e**e* #h&3h are e&ther "( &nnate "r&&n "r re)

*%'t (r"2 ear'y a3*"%'> "r p%re &nte''e3t, de8"&d "( a'' the >3ra**> e2"t&"n*,

#ere a3t%a''y a*-&n ("r a *%per)r"b"t "r a%t"2at"n #h&3h, '&-e *"2e "(

"%r 2"de2 e'e3tr"n&3 3"2p%ter*, #"%'d be


30/194

F,


31/194

Thin#in$ Yourself%ut of

5 E&otional Distur ban'es

OST PS$CHOTHER AP$ PATIE NTS ar e d&((&3%'t 3%*t"2er*, b%t th&* "ne

#a* a b%*&n the pr&8&'ee. N" 2atter h"# "(ten I A.E. #"%'d try t" *h"# herthat *he had 3"ntr "' "8er her "#n de*t&ny, &( "n'y *he bel ieved that *he had,

*he -e pt parr y&n 2y ar %2ent* #&th a'' -&nd* "( e=3%*e* and e8a*&"n*.

>I - n"# y"%?re r &ht,> *he *a&d, >a b"%t th"*e "ther pat&ent* "( y"%r* #h"

are a b'e t" 3"ntr "' the&r ( ee'&n* b%t I @%*t 3an?t *ee2 t" d" &t. aybe I?2

d&(( er ent. ay be they?8e "t *"2eth&n that I?2 2&**&n.>

>$e*, 2ay be they ha8e "t *"2eth&n that y"% ha8en?t,> I areed. >Re)

3ent'y a3

>Oh, b%t that?* d&(( er ent. P'ay&n tenn&* &* *"2eth&n phy*&3a'. It?* n"t at

a'' '&-e th&n-&n "r ett&n anr y "r anyth&n '&- e that.>

>Ah, n"# I th&n- I?8e "t y"%> I e=3'a&2ed.

>What d" y"% 2ean+> *he a*-ed. And &t #a* a'2"*t 'a%ha b'e had &t n"t

been *" tra&3 h"# ( ear(%''y *tar t'ed *he #a* at the th"%ht that I mig ht

n"# ha8e her, and that *he 3"n*e


32/194

and y"%r hand*, and *"2eh"# the ba'' - eep* "&n "8er the net. And, '""-)

&n at y"%r 2%*3'e* 2"8&n and the ba'' ( 'y&n, y"% th&n- "( the #h"'e

pr"3e** a* phy*&3a', a'2"*t 2e3han&3a'.>

>7%t &*n?t &t+>

>N", &t de(&n&te'y &*n?t. S%pp"*e y"%r " pp"nent h&t* the ba'' t" y"%. $"%r

"b@e3t &* t" h&t &t ba3- "8er the net, pre( era b'y &n a p'a3e #here he "r *he

#&'' n"t be a b'e ea*&'y t" r ea3h and r et%rn &t. S" y"% r %n a(ter the ba'' %*&n

y"%r 'e*, r ea3h "%t ("r &t %*&n y"%r ar2*, *#&n at &t %*&n y"%r ar2*

and #r&*t, and *" "n. 7%t #hat ma- e s y"% r %n th&* #ay "r that #ay, *tret3h

"%t "r p%'' ba3- y"%r ar2*, t%rn y"%r #r &*t t" the 'e(t "r r&ht+>

What 2a- e* 2e)+ We'', I %e** 2y eye* d". I see that the ba'' &* "8er

here "r "8er ther e, and I see #her e I #ant t" p'a3e &t, and I 2"8e a33"rd)

&n'y.>

>F&ne. 7%t d" y"% *ee by ma gic? And d" y"% *"2eh"# 2y*ter&"%*'y,2a&3a''y et y"%r *&ht t" d&re3t y"%r 'e* th&* #ay, y"%r ar2* that #ay,y"%r #r&*t *t&'' an"ther #ay+>

> N", &t?* n"t any 2a&3. It?*). It?*).> y pat&ent #a* ( r an-'y tr "% b'ed.

>C"%'d &t,> I a*- ed, >3"%'d &t p"**&b'y be thin-ing? C"%'d &t be that y"%*ee, a* y"% *ay, y"%r " pp"nent?* ba'' "&n "8er here "r "8er ther e, and y"%

thin- &t #"%'d be #&*e t" r et%rn &t "8er "n th&* "r that 3"rner "( the 3"%rt,and y"% thin- , aa&n, that y"% 3an rea3h the ba'' by *tr et3h&n "%t y"%r

ar2 a '&tt'e 2"re &n th&* d&r e3t&"n, and y"%r #r&*t &n th&* "ther d&re3t&"n, and

*" "n and *" ("rth+>

>$"% 2ean, I rea''y a2 n"t a* 2e3han&3a' and phy*&3a', a'' a'"n, &n 2y

a3t&"n* a* I th&n- I a2, b%t I a2 r ea''y d&r e3t&n the*e a3t&"n* by 2y th&n-)

&n+ $"% 2ean I a2 3"nt&n%a''y te''&n 2y*e'(, #h&'e p'ay&n the a2e, t"

d" th&* and that, and t" *tr et3h 2y ar2 "%t her e "r t%r n 2y #r&*t "8er th&*#ay, and *" ( "rth+ I* that #hat y"% 2ean+>

We'', isn+ t that #hat y"% ar e r ea''y d"&n #h&'e y"% are p'ay&n th&* *"


33/194


3a''ed &hysical a2e "( tenn&*+ Aren?t y"%, d%r&n e8ery *&n'e 2&n%te "(

the p'ay, 3"nt&n%a''y directin g y"%r ar 2 t" d" th&* and y"%r #r&*t t" d" that+

And ar en?t y"% d"&n th&* d&r e3t&n by r ea', hard, 3"n3erted th&n-&n+>

>C"2e t" th&n- "( &t)and I 2%*t ad2&t I ne8er ha8e th"%ht "( &t that

#ay be("re))I %e** I r ea''y a2. I?'' be darned The #h"'e th&n)#hy, the

#h"'e th&n?* rea''y 2enta', &*n?t &t+> .

>$e*, &*n?t &t+ E8en th&* h&h'y ? phy*&3a'? a2e &* r ea''y 'are'y 2enta'. And

y"% -ee p #"r-&n, #"r- &n at th&* a2e)and n"t "n'y #"r- &n by r%nn&n,*tr et3h&n, t%rn&n y"%r #r&*t, and *" "n, b%t #"r-&n at thin-ing ab"%t

#hat t" d" d%r&n the a2e. And &t?* th&* 'atter #"r- , the #"r- at th&n-&n,

that r ea''y 2a- e* y"% a better tenn&* p'ayer, e8ent%a''y, than y"% "r&&na''y

#ere. The 2a&n pra3t&3e, &n (a3t, that y"% d" at p'ay&n tenn&*, &* thin-ing

pr a3t&3e. I*n?t &t+>

?When y"% p%t &t that #ay, I %e** &t &*. F%nny And I th"%ht &t #a*

phy*&3a' and '&tt'e e'*e. I %e** I?2 be&nn&n t" *ee n"# #hat y"% 2ean

by wor - ing at 3han&n 2y *enten3e* and 3han&n 2y e2"t&"n*. J%*t a*

&n tenn&*, I #"r - at 3han&n 2y *tan3e and 2y *tr"-e and "ther th&n*.

And, a* y"% *ay, &t?* r ea''y #"r-&n at th&n-&n, and n"t @%*t at 2e3han&3a'

3hane*.>

>E=a3t'y. N"# &( I 3an et y"% t" a33e pt the *a2e 3"n3ept that y"% %*e at

tenn&* e8en th"%h y"%?8e been %na#ar e ( "r year* @%*t what y"%?8e been

d"&n t" &2pr"8e y"%r a2e and t" app'y th&* t" 3han&n y"%r *enten3e*,

and part&3%'ar 'y th"*e beh&nd y"%r d&*"rder ed e2"t&"n*, y"%r a2e "( '&(e

#&'' be&n t" &2pr"8e a'2"*t a* en ar e d&*t%rbed n"t by th&n*, b%t by the8&e#* #h&3h they ta- e "( the2.> W&''&a2 Sha- e* pear e, 2any 3ent%r&e*

'ater , rephr a*e* th&* th"%ht &n Haml et . >Ther e?* n"th&n e&ther ""d "r bad b%t th&n-&n 2a- e* &t *".>

A* a 3a*e &n p"&nt, 'et %* t%rn ("r a 2"2ent t" Ger a'd&ne, "ne "( 2y

h&h'y &nte''&ent and e((&3&ent th&rty)thr ee)year)"'d ( e2a'e pat&ent #h"

had 3"2e t" *ee 2e R .A.H. a b"%t *&= 2"nth* a(ter *he had " bta&ned a


34/194

d&8"r3e. A'th"%h *he had been de3&ded'y %nha ppy &n her 2arr&ae t" an

&rre*p"n*&b'e and de pendent h%* band, *he had been n" hap p&er *&n3e her

d&8"r3e. Her h%*band had dr %n- t" e=3e**, r%n ar"%nd #&th "ther #"2en,

and had been %nab'e t" h"'d a @" b. 7%t #hen *he 3a2e t" *ee 2e, *he #a*

be&nn&n t" th&n- *he had 2ade a 2&*ta-e &n d&8"r3&n h&2. I *a&dB

?Why d" y"% th&n- &t #a* a 2&*ta- e t" d&8"r 3e y"%r h%* band+>

>7e3a%*e I th&n- d&8"r 3e &* #r "n,> *he r e p'&ed. >I th&n- #hen pe"p'e et

2arr&ed, they *h"%'d *tay 2arr &ed.>

>$et y"% d" n"t be'"n t" a r e'&&"%* r"%p that ta-e* that p"*&t&"n. $"%

d" n"t be'&e8e that 2arr &ae* ar e *"2eh"# 2ade and *ea'ed &n hea8en,

d" y"%+>

> N", I d"n?t e8en be'&e8e &n a hea8en. ! @%*t $ eel &t &* #r"n t" et d&8"r 3edand I b'a2e 2y*e'( ( "r ha8&n "tten "ne. I ha8e been e8en 2"re 2&*er)

ab'e *&n3e I "t &t than ! #a* #hen '&8&n #&th 2y h%* band.>

>7%t '""- ,> I a*-ed, >Wher e d" y"% th&n- y"%r ( ee'&n* ab"%t d&8"r3e be)

&n #r"n "r&&nated+ D" y"% th&n- y"% #er e b"r n #&th the2+ D" y"%

th&n- that h%2an be&n* ha8e b%&'t)&n ( ee'&n*, '&- e b%&'t)&n ta*te b%d*, that

te'' the2 h"# t" d&*t&n%&*h r &ht ( r "2 #r "n+ $"%r ta*te b%d* te'' y"%

#hat &* *a'ty, *#eet, "r b&tter . And ar e y"%r ( ee'&n* *%pp"*ed t" te'' y"%

#hat &* r&ht, #r"n, "r &nd&( ( er ent+>

The y"%n d&8"r3ee 'a%hed. >$"% 2a- e &t *"%nd pr etty *&''y. N", I d"n?t

*%pp"*e I #a* b"rn #&th ( ee'&n* a b"%t #hat &* r &ht "r #r"n. I had t"'earn t" (ee' a* I d".>

See&n a ""d "pen&n, I r%*hed &n #her e 'e** d&re3t&8e and 'e** r at&"na'

ther a p&*t* "(ten ( ear t" tr ead. >E=a3t'y,> I *a&d. >$"% had t" 'earn t" ( ee' a*

y"% d". And #hat &* 'earned 3an be %n'ear ned "r 2"d&(&ed. S", e8en th"%h

y"% ar e n"t "( a (%nda2enta'&*t ( a&th that h"'d* that d&8"r3e &* &22"ra', th&*

&dea &* #&de*pr ead &n "%r *"3&ety and y"% 3"%'d ea*&'y ha8e p&3- ed &t %p)


35/194


pr "bab'y &n y"%r ear'y 3h&'dh""d (r"2 y"%r parent*, *3h""' tea3her*, "r

p'ay2ate*. And the &dea that y"% p&3-ed %p, *&2 p'y *tated, &* th&*B

> ?On'y bad pe" p'e et d&8"r3e*. I "t a d&8"r3e. S" I 2%*t be a bad per )

*"n. $e*, &t 2%*t be tr %e. I a2 a bad per *"n. Oh, #hat a n")""d, a#(%', ter)

r & b'e per *"n I ha8e been? >

>S"%nd* dr ead(%''y ( a2&'&ar > *he r ather b&tter'y 'a%hed.

>I?2 *%r e &t d"e*,> I r e*%2ed. >S"2e *%3h *enten3e* a* the*e 2%*t ha8e

*tarted "&n thr "%h y"%r 2&nd)"ther #&*e y"% 3"%'d n"t p"**&b'y be a*d&*t%r bed a* y"% ar e. O8er and "8er aa&n, y"% 2%*t ha8e - e pt r e peat&n

th&* *t%(( . And then y"% ha8e pr " ba b'y "ne "n t" *ay t" y"%r *e'(B

>7e3a%*e I a2 *%3h a ter r & b'e per*"n #h" d&d th&* h"rr&b'e th&n "( et)

t&n a d&8"r 3e, I de*er 8e t" be bl amed and &unished ("r 2y dr ead(%' a3t. Ide*er 8e t" be #r et3hed and 2&*erab'e and de*perate'y %nhappy. And that?*

@%*t #hat I a2)I a2 e8en 2"r e %nha ppy than #hen I #a* 2arr&ed t" that

'"%*y h%* band "( 2&ne.???

>R &ht aa&n> *he r%e(%''y *2&'ed.

>S" "( 3"%r*e,> I 3"nt&n%ed, >y"% ha8e been %nhappy. Any"ne #h" *pend*

a ""d p"rt&"n "( her #a-&n h"%r* th&n-&n #hat a terr&b'e per*"n *he &*

and h"# %nha ppy *he &* and h"# 2%3h *he d e serve s t" be %nhappy be3a%*e

"( #hat a terr&b'e per*"n *he &* n"t&3e, &( y"% #&'', the 3&r3%'ar th&n-&n &n)

8"'8ed &n a'' th&* )any *%3h per *"n #&'' be b"%nd t" ( ee' 2&*er a b'e. I( I,("r e=a2 p'e, *tarted te''&n 2y*e'( r &ht th&* 2&n%te and #ent "n d"&n *"

( "r 2"*t "( the r e*t "( the day, and the ne=t, and the ne=t that I #a* n"

""d, a '"#)'&( ed hee', a *t&n-er be3a%*e I ne8er 'earned t" p'ay the 8&"'&n

"r t" &3e)*-ate "r t" d" *"2e "( the "ther 3"%nt'e** th&n* I 3"%'d ha8e

'ear ned t" d")&( I - e pt te''&n 2y*e'( th&* -&nd "( b"*h, I 3"%'d

y pat&ent, by th&* t&2e, #a* a'2"*t &n *t&t3he*, a* I *at&r&3a''y -ept e2)

pha*&6&n 2y d""2. >Aa&n,> I *a&d, >I 2a-e &t *"%nd *&''y. 7%t #&th a p%r)

p"*e)t" *h"# y"% that you ar e be&n @%*t a* *&''y #hen y"% *tart &8&ny"%r*e'( the b%*&ne** a b"%t y"%r d&8"r3e.>

>I a2 be&nn&n t" %nder *tand #hat y"% 2ean,> *he *a&d. >I do *ay th&*-&nd "( th&n t" 2y*e'(. 7%t h"# 3an ! *t"p+ There &*, a(ter a'',

THINING $O;RSELF O;T OF EOTIO NAL DIST;R7ANCFS 35

We'', y"%?'' ha8e t" ad2&t that I 2ade a *er&"%* 2&*ta- e #hen I 2arr &ed

*%3h an &rr e*p"n*& b'e per *"n a* 2y h%* band. And 2aybe &( I had beha8ed2"re 2at%r e'y and #&*e'y 2y*e'( , I 3"%'d ha8e he'ped h&2 t" r"# %p.>

“ O.K . ar eed. $"% d&d 2a-e a 2&*ta-e t" 2arr y h&2 &n the (&r*t p'a3e.

And,

> N", I %e** n"t. 7%t h"# a b"%t a #&(e?* r e* p"n*& b&'&ty t" her h%*band+

D"n?t y"% th&n- that I *h"%'d ha8e *tayed #&th h&2 and tr &ed t" he'p h&2

et "8er h&* *e8er e pr " b'e2*+>

>A 8ery '"8e'y, and *"2et&2e* e8en pr a3t&3a', th"%ht. 7%t d&dn?t y"%

te'' 2e pr e8&"%*'y that y"% did try t" he' p h&2 and he r e(%*ed e8en t"

a3-n"#'ede that he #a* *'&ht'y d&*t%r bed h&2*e'( + And d&dn?t y"% *ay

that he *tr "n'y "pp"*ed y"%r "&n ( "r any -&nd "( ther apy #h&'e y"% #er e


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2arr&ed, 'et a'"ne h&* "#n "&n ( "r he'p, t""+>

$e*, that?* the #ay &t #a*. The 2er e 2ent&"n "( the #"rd &sychol ogist

"r marr ia ge counselor #a* en"%h t" *end h&2 &nt" a ( &t "( te2 per . He?d

ne8er th&n- "( "&n "r e8en 'ett&n 2e " ("r he'p.>

The "n'y th&n y"% 3"%'d ha8e d"ne, then, #"%'d ha8e been t" p'ay

p*y3h"ther a p&*t t" h&2, and &n y"%r *tate, y"%?d hard'y ha8e been 8er y

e(( e3t&8e at that. What ar e y"% beat&n y"%r*e'( d"#n ("r+ $"% 2ade a

2&*ta- e &n 2arr y&n y"% d&d y"%r be*t t" d" *"2eth&n t" re3t&(y &t a( ter

2arr&ae y"% #er e b'"3-ed, 2a&n'y by y"%r h%*band, b%t part'y by y"%r

"#n ( ee'&n* "( *e8er e % p*et, "n b"th 3"%nt*. S" y"% (&na''y "t "%t "( the2arr&ae, a* a'2"*t any r ea*"nab'y *ane per*"n #"%'d ha8e d"ne. N"#

#hat?* y"%r 3r&2e+ Why d" y"% insist "n b'a2&n y"%r*e'(+ $"% th&n- ,

err"ne"%*'y, that &t?* the %nha ppy *&t%at&"n y"%?r e n"# &n #h&3h &* 2a-&n

y"% 2&*er a b'e. 7%t &* &t the *&t%at&"n)"r &* &t #hat y"%?re te''&n y"%r *e'(

about th&* *&t%at&"n+>

>I?2 be&nn&n t" *ee y"%r p"&nt. A'th"%h 2y 2ar&ta' *&t%at&"n ne8er

#a* and *t&'' &*n?t ""d, y"% *ee2 t" be *ay&n that I d"n?t have t" &8e

2y*e'( *%3h a hard t&2e a b"%t &t. That?*


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7! A Guid e To Rational Living

"( rat&"na' p*y3h"ther a py *e**&"n*. Wher ea* *he pr e8&"%*'y -ept te''&n

her*e'( h"# ( ar (r "2 &dea' #a* her beha8&"r , and #hat a h"rr"r *he #a* ("r

n"t a'#ay* a3h&e8&n th&* &dea', *he n"# bean t" *%b*t&t%te 3"n*tr%3t&8e

pr"b'e2)*"'8&n, &nterna'&6ed *enten3e* ("r her "'d *e'( ) beat&n*. In "ne "(

her 'a*t 3"n( eren3e* #&th 2e, *he *a&dB >$"% -n"#, I '""-ed &nt" the 2&rr"r

ye*terday 2"rn&n and *a&d t" 2y*e'(B ?Ger a'd&ne, y"% are a happy, (a&r'y

br &ht, &n3r ea*&n'y 2at%r e, r"#&n'y e((&3&ent -&d. I a2 ett&n 2&hty

( "nd "( y"%.? And then I 'a%hed #&th r ea' @"y.>What th&* pat&ent d&*3"8ered #a* that her (ee'&n* d&d n"t der&8e (r"2

her %n*%33e**(%' 2arr&ae "r her d&8"r 3e b%t (r"2 her evaluations "( the*e

and "ther e8ent* &n her '&( e. When *he 3haned the -&nd* "( th"%ht* that

&*, her &nterna'&6ed *enten3e* *he had been ha8&n a b"%t her*e'( and her

'&( e (%n3t&"n*, her e2"t&"n* 3haned (r "2 de pr e**&"n, d&*3"%rae2ent, and

%nha pp&ne**, t" e'at&"n, en3"%rae2ent, and @"y.

I( h%2an be&n* the"r et&3a''y 3an 3"ntr"' the&r neat&8e th"%ht* and

( ee'&n*, b%t &n a3t%a' pr a3t&3e they "(ten re(ra&n (r"2 d"&n *" and -eep

e= per &en3&n %nne3e**ary 2&*er y, the


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Re'o$ni ( in$and Atta'#in$

) *euroti' +eha,ior

CLEAR THIN ING, WE ha8e &n*&*ted, 'ead* t" *ane e2"t&n. St% p&d&ty, &n"r)

an3e, and d&*t%rban3e b'"3- *tra&ht th&n-&n and re*%'t &n *er&"%* deree*

"( "8er "r %nder)e2"t&"na'&6&n. When an &nd&8&d%a' &* *e8ere'y &nh&b&ted "r

pr a3t&3a''y ("a2&n at the 2"%th and #hen he &* "b8&"%*'y not *t%p&d, then#e %*%a''y 3a'' h&2 ne%r"t&3. Let %*, ("r the *a-e "( *t&'' (%rther 3'ar&ty, 3"n)

*&der a 3"%p'e "( e=a2p'e*.

A t#enty)t#" year "'d 2a'e *ay* that he d"e* n"t #ant t" (&n&*h h&* denta'

tr a&n&n be3a%*e he d&*'&-e* *"2e "( h&* *%b@e3t* and ha* a d&((&3%'t t&2e

*t%dy&n the2. In 3"n*e


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7: A Guide To Rational Living

h&2*e'( that he a3t%a''y &* terr&b'y a(r a&d "( be&n d"2&nated by h&* par)

ent*, "( (a&'&n t" #&n the e*tee2 "( h&* 3'a**2ate*, and "( %'t&2ate'y (a&')

&n t" be a ""d dent&*t. H&* >nat%r a'> d&*'&- e ( "r *"2e "( h&* *%b@e3t* &*

ther e( "re a h&h'y >%nnat%r a'> pr "d%3t "( , "r rat&"na'&6at&"n ("r, h&* %nder)

'y&n ph&'"*" phy "( >Oh, 2y L"rd, #hat a #ea- p"'tr""n I a2 and #&'' a')

#ay* 3"nt&n%e t" be>

When, &n the 3"%r *e "( p*y3h"ther a py, th&* &nd&8&d%a' be3"2e* a#are "(

h&* %nder'y&n &rr at&"na' ( ear * and #hen, perha p* 2"re &2p"rtant'y, he &*

&nd%3ed by the ther a p&*t t" and "W hy #"%'d &t be *" h"rr&b'e &( I ( a&'ed t" be the 2"*t p"p%'ar b"y

at *3h""' "r the be*t dent&*t the *3h""' e8er t%rned "%t+> he de3&de* t" re)

t%rn t" *3h""' and t" #"r - thr "%h h&* par enta', *"3&a', and *e'()3"n(&den3e

d&((&3%'t&e*. Th&* h&h'y &nte''&ent y"%th ther e by *t"p* h&* &rrat&"na' "r

*t%p&d th&n-&n and the "8er)e2"t&"na'&6ed ne%r"t&3 rea3t&"n* need)

'e** (ear and ('&ht t" #h&3h h&* '"#)'e8e' th&n-&n &* 'ead&n.

A ( e2a'e pat&ent had a *&2&'ar pr " b'e2 b%t 2"r e &n*&ht. Th&* t#enty)

year)"'d &r' - ne# that *he #anted t" be a tea3her and a'*" -ne# that *he

#a* 2a- &n n" e(( "r t t" be3"2e "ne be3a%*e *he had n" 3"n(&den3e &n her)

*e'( . She a'*" *%*pe3ted that *he #a* tr y&n t" p%n&*h her*e'( ("r *"2e

pr "2&*3%"%* *e= a3t&8&ty &n #h&3h *he had enaed a year pre8&"%*'y. E8en

th"%h th&* &r' pr e*%2a b'y had &n*&ht &nt" her %nder'y&n 2"t&8at&"n*,

*he 3"nt&n%ed t" de(eat her *e'( and t" beha8e &n a ne%r"t&3 2anner.

What th&* pat&ent d&d not r ea'&6e #a* that her 'a3- "( *e'()3"n(&den3e andher e=tr e2e *e= %&'t #ere ba*ed "n &n"r an3e and ( a%'ty th&n-&n. Her

'a3- "( 3"n( &den3e #a* "r&&na''y &n*t&''ed &n her by her hy per3r&t&3a' "'der

*&*ter , #h" @ea'"%*'y d&d n"t #ant the &r' t" th&n- #e'' "( her*e'(. Then the

pat&ent, #"r-&n "n the ( a'*e and %n t" her*e'( that *he a3t%a''y had n"ne))th%* re&n("r3&n her "r&&na'

*&*ter)&n*t&''ed 'a3- "( 3"n( &den3e.

Th&* &r'?* *e=%a' pr "2&*3%&ty, 2"re"8er , 'are'y *te22ed ( r "2 th&* *a2e

'a3- "( 3"n(&den3e. Fee'&n that *he #a* #"rth'e** and that b"y* #"%'d n"t

3ar e ( "r her , *he t""- the ea*&e*t #ay "( #&nn&n the2 by barter&n her b"dy("r the&r attent&"n*. Her %&'t a b"%t her pr"2&*3%&ty #a* ba*ed "n the arb&)

tr ar y n"t&"n, 'ar e'y ta- en "8er aa&n ( r "2 her "'der *&*ter, that pre2ar&ta'

re'at&"n* ar e #&3- ed and that pr"2&*3%&ty &* a part&3%'ar'y he&n"%* "((en*e.

E8en th"%h th&* &r' seemed t" - n"# #hy *he #a* *ab"ta&n her de*&re*t" tea3h, *he a3t%a''y had "n'y part&a' "r '"#er )"rder &n*&ht &nt" her

ne%r"t&3 beha8&"r . She d&d n"t 3"n*&*tent'y r ea'&6e the ( a'*ene** and &rrat&"n)

a'&ty beh&nd her t#" ba*&3 pr e2&*e*B a that *he #a* &n3a pab'e "( d"&n

#e'' *3h"'a*t&3a''y and that a'' pe"p'e #h" d" p""r'y &n th&* area are %tter'yRECOGNIING AND A?ITACING NE;ROTIC 7EHAIOR 39

#"rth'e** and b that *he #a* #&3-ed ("r ena&n &n pre2ar&ta' *e=

a3t*.

A (%''er %nder *tand&n "( her *e'( )de( eat&n beha8&"r 'ed t" ( ar)rea3h&n

3hane* &n her th"%ht* and a3t&"n*. F&r*t *he #a* &nd%3ed t" #"r th> and

t" *ee that *he #a* th"r"%h'y 8a'%a b'e and de*er 8&n "( ha pp&ne** whether

or not *he #a* h&h'y *%33e**(%' at *3h""'. See&n and a33e pt&n th&* 8&e#

enab'ed her t" #"r- 2%3h better &n *3h""' and t" a3h&e8e better rade*.

Se3"nd'y, th&* pat&ent #a* he'ped t" 3ha''ene the *" 3a''ed #&3-edne**

"( pre2ar&ta' *e= beha8&"r and t" %nder *tand that a'th"%h *he 2ay ha8e

2ade *e=%a' 2&*ta- e* by ha8&n a(( a&r* #&th 2a'e* #h"2 *he d&d n"t rea''y

en@"y a* '"8er*, *he #a* n"t t" blame and need n"t be &unished ("r the*e

8ery h%2an 2&*ta- e*. 7y th%* *%r render&n *e'()b'a2e and p%n&*h2ent, *he

t""- a#ay her r e2a&n&n 2"t&8e* ( "r *a b"ta&n her "#n endea8"r* and

#a* ther ea(ter ab'e t" #"r-


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The 3a*e "( th&* pat&ent, a* per ha p* "( a'' &nd&8&d%a'* #h" 3"2e ( "r

p*y3h"therape%t&3 he'p, e=e2p'&(&e* the d&(( er en3e bet#een #hat #e 3a''

In*&ht N".! and In*&ht N".. In*&ht N".! &* the ( a&r'y 3"n8ent&"na' -&nd

"( %nder*tand&n (&r*t 3'ear'y p"*t%'ated by Fre%d th"%h par t'y *een

by *e8era' p*y3h"'"&*t* and #r&ter * be( "re h&* dayB that &*, -n"#'ede by

the &nd&8&d%a' that he ha* a pr " b'e2 and that there are 3erta&n ante3edent*

that 3a%*e h&2 t" ha8e th&* pr " b'e2. Th%*, the y"%n dent&*t &n tra&n&n

#h"*e 3a*e #a* n"ted at the be&nn&n "( th&* 3ha pter -ne# that he had

a pr"b'e2 #&th h&* 3ar eer , b%t th"%ht &t #a* be3a%*e he d&*'&-ed 3erta&n

*%b@e3t* and n"t be3a%*e a* *%b*e


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5" A Guide To Rational Living

%&'t and *e'()p%n&*h2ent #ere the re*%'t "( the &nterna'&6ed *enten3e*B

>any pe"p'e *ay that pre2ar&ta' *e= re'at&"n* are #&3-ed. I ha8e had the*e

re'at&"n*. There("re I 2%*t be #&3-ed.> AndB >It &* "(ten areed that pe"p'e

#h" d" 2&*ta-en "r err"ne"%* a3t* *h"%'d be p%n&*hed ("r the&r *&n* I ha8e

3"22&tted *%3h a3t* by ha8&n pre2ar&ta' *e= re'at&"n* #&th 2a'e* ("r

#h"2 I d&d n"t rea''y 3are there("re I *h"%'d p%n&*h 2y*e'( ("r 2y *&n* by

n"t rea''y try&n t" *%33eed &n the 3areer, tea3h&n, &n #h&3h I?#"%'d '&-e t"

*%33eed.>A'th"%h, then, th&* pat&ent de(&n&te'y had a ""d 2ea*%re "( In*&ht N".

!, *he had &t &n *%3h a 8a%e and &nde(&n&te 2anner, that #e 3"%'d #e''

3a'' &t "n'y part&a' rather than (%'' &n*&ht. A* ("r In*&ht N"., *he had

8&rt%a''y n"ne. F"r In*&ht N". 3"n*&*t* "( the #h"'ehearted be'&e( that

>N"# that I ha8e d&*3"8ered #hat In*&ht N".! &*, and #hat the *e'()3a%*e*

"( 2y "#n d&*t%rban3e* rea''y are, there &* n" "ther #ay "( 2y e'&2&nat&n

the*e d&*t%rban3e* than by *tead&'y, per*&*tent'y, and eneret&3a''y #"r-&n

t" 3hane the*e *e'()3a%*e*.>

"re 3"n3rete'yB a(ter d&*3"8er&n that the rea' 3a%*e* "( her (a&'&n &n

*3h""' 3"n*&*ted "( a her te''&n her*e'( h"# #"rth'e** *he #a* 'are'y

be3a%*e *he a33epted her *&*ter?* 8&e# "( her &nade


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RECOGNIING AND ATTACING NE;ROTIC 7EHAIOR 0!0!

"r *he 2ay p%n&*h her*e'( #&th"%t rea'&6&n that *he &* d"&n *" be3a%*e "(

th&* -&nd "( %&'t.

In any e8ent, #hether "r n"t the &nd&8&d%a' &* 3"n*3&"%* "( the %nder'y&n

&dea* that are dr&8&n h&2 t" beha8e &ne((&3&ent'y and *e'()de(eat&n'y, the*e

&dea* 2%*t be, "n the"ret&3a' r"%nd*, &rrat&"na' and &''"&3a')e'*e he &*

n"t ne%r"t&3. Th%*, &n the &n*tan3e* &8en &n th&* 3hapter, &( &t were '"&3a'

("r the y"%n denta' *t%dent t" be *" (ear(%' "( parenta' d"2&nat&"n and

*"3&a' and 8"3at&"na' (a&'%re that he a8e %p *t%dy&n and ('%n-ed "%t "(

*3h""', there #"%'d be n"th&n &nappr"pr&ate ab"

A Guide to Rational Living in an Irrational World -(Original) Albert Ellis & Robert a. Harper

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Transcript of A Guide to Rational Living in an Irrational World -(Original) Albert Ellis & Robert a. Harper