A division of News Corp Presents:. A division of News Corp In Association with:

A division of News Corp

Presents:


In Association with:


“I’d rather go naked than wear clothes!”


A Very Important A Very Important MessageMessage


Our New Campaign

• As many of our members already know, PeTA is against the horrible practice of killing animals for food, clothing, or fun.

• This is especially true if the critters in question are cute. Under the Cuteness Law of 1903, the cuter an animal, the more awesome, I mean awful, it is to kill it

• It’s in the bible people!• Let’s see some examples:


BAD to kill!


EWWW GROSS!

• kill it kill it kill it kill it kill it!!• seriously, WTF?!


whoops, wrong slide!


Anyways...

• So I think we can all agree that as enlightened Womyn it is our job to point out how stupid and backwards everybody else is

• therefore it is our job to tell everybody what to do!

• So in keeping with our tradition of helping people, let me introduce our latest campaign:


What’s it all about?

• it has come to our attention that all around the world people are eating fish!

• that’s right, all those cute widdle fishie-wishies are getting snapped up and chowed down by unfeeling brutes instead of being loved and caressed, nurtured and suckled

• clearly, it is up to us to change this• I mean, we didn’t NOT shave our

legs/armpits/crotchal area for nothing did we?


A Name Change• the way we figure it, people are eating fish

because they aren’t considered cute enough• what? fish aren’t cute?• Shut up!• anyways, we are trying to get the name “Fish”

changed to “Sea Kittens”, because who would want to eat a Sea Kitten?– What’s that?– The Chinese?– Yeah, well those little fuckers will eat anything. PeTA has

steered clear of that sinking ship completely.• As we always do with our brilliant ideas, we asked

God to help out• As ALWAYS we just got the usual form letter auto-

reply:


Damn.

• So, once again, God is no help. What a surprise!

• It is up to us to make this work, folks! • Be sure to encourage people to use

the correct terminology (Sea Kittens), preferably in your most shrill, screeching voice

• It is also acceptable to slap a person who dares eat a Sea Kitten


Why Stop there?

“Human Beings” kill and eat all kinds of animals, so we need to save every cuddly

little creature!


People Eat:• Pig• Cow• Hog• Chicken• Duck• Bacon• German Shepard• Horse• Pork• Buffalo• Ham• Unicorn• And many other delicious

creatures!


Wait a minute!!!???

• Did we say delicious? • We did?• No we didn’t• Shut up!


Cow

• People eat “beef” due to it’s deliciousness. What if we rallied to have it renamed to something that doesn’t sound so inviting.– Like Fart Flesh or Poo-Penis. How about Poonis? Who’d

wanna eat that? – What’s that?– Sulli would! – Okay besides him? – Exactly

• Or we can go the same way as Sea Kittens– How ‘bout, Grazer Puppies or Field Fuzzies– Grazer Puppies? I hardly even know her! Hehehehe– sorry.


Pigs• These lovable and delicious little bastards are adorable and

very smart! Do you know that they are the only animal that can anticipate pain? I’m sure it’s never as bad as they’re expecting, nevertheless we have to rename them also. This is tough; in 1972 we lobbied to have “Punany” changed to “Pork”, and we were successful. I mean, who’d wanna eat something that’s named after two people ramming their junk into one another…as it turns out, everyone.

• How ‘bout: Piggely Wiggely, Poop Puppie, Koala Oinker, or Pink Pussy?

• I agree, Pink Pussy it is! Nobody would want to eat that? • What?• Shut up!• Yeah, well Sulli wouldn’t!• Checkmate!


Chickens• Ah fuck it, I’m bored of this, you get

the idea


One more thing:• As a result of last year’s

unfortunate feces flinging incident at the San Diego Zoo, Monkeys are being demoted from Animal status to Insect status

• That’s right Monkeys, you had your chance and you blew it!

• That’ll teach them to fuck with PeTA!

• So start eating monkeys people, it’s okay now

• In fact, we should probably try to make everyone eat monkeys


We’ll rename them “Butt Nuggets”

That’ll teach the little fuckers.


THANK YOU FOR YOUR OBEDIENCE.

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