A Conversation about Conversation:

deepening relationship & engagement

Welcome

WHY BOTHER?:The ‘Have to’ and ‘Want To’

of Relationships

…& a word on ‘deepening’

Intentions and ContentTo:• share the four most transformational practices that I have ever come across in

building great relationships

• give you the five most powerful words you can use to shift any relationship

• give you two improvements you can make immediately to the effectiveness of your conversations

Part 1

CHANGE YOUR WORLD ONE WORD AT A TIME How the Way You Speak Creates Your Life

A beautiful, poetic, forceful and, above all, useful book on the impact of words in shaping our futures. It argues for care in choosing the words (and the thoughts that precede them) so that we create what we would choose to create. I strongly recommend this book as a short but forceful course in living. PAUL BIRCH, VISIONJUICE, UK

Firth has split the atom with this small and explosive book about words and their huge creative leverage... read this, and all your communication will increase in power. STEVE CHANDLER, AUTHOR OF TIME WARRIOR

The Problem:

‘There are other Humans’

Human 2.0 The Upgrade is Available

The Universal Human Paradigm:

we are disappointed in others and want them to be different

Part 2

Practice 1

Who will I be?

Practice 2

Avoidance doesn’t work!

Relationship: the word

late 14c., from Anglo-Fr. relacioun, O.Fr. relacion (14c.), from L. relationem (nom. relatio) “a bringing back, restoring,” from relatus (see relate)

Only connect...and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer.

~ EM Forster

Conversation: the word

conversationmid-14c., from O.Fr. conversation, from L. conversationem (nom. conversatio) "act of living with," prp. of conversari "to live with, keep company with," lit. "turn about with," from L. com- intens. prefix + vertare, freq. of vertere (see versus).

Practice 3

I have a say…

Practice 4

The two levels of every communication…

Part 3

FIVE WORDS…

The five words:

InvitationRequestPromise

OfferApology

TWO WAYS…

1. The invitation

“I would like to have a conversation withyou about [this aspect of our relationship]...

because I want to try and change/fix/improve [the problem, issue, barrier you’d both acknowledge exists]...Would you be willing to talk with me about that?”

Authenticity vs pretending

2. The envelope

Tell them what you are committed to in terms of a shared result or goal. Those of you who are married committed to some parameters around a

shared goal. eg ‘in sickness and in health.’

There is no way back into a relationship without articulating another shared goal or common aim. If you and I are going to change the world with our

love, I might be prepared to listen to some of the ‘difficult’ things you have to say about me right now. Without that shared context, why would I hear all

those painful things?

Examples: “I really want us to have a loving, intimate relationship again...”

“I can promise you I want us to laugh again like we used to when we first started being together...”

“If we get our working relationship back on track, this project is going to be phenomenal...”

This stage of the conversation puts us in the place of creating a shared future rather than attempting to fix the past.

The five words:

InvitationRequestPromise

OfferApology

Beyond Leadership

Colorado/Arizona – June 2013 – March 2014

Adding Consulting to your Coaching Practice

Phoenix/Denver May – October 2013

During this conversation, we will look at your current situation, your goals, your roadblocks and give you focused, strategic advice.

• Create a sense of clarity about the business and/or life and/or relationship that you really want to have

• Find out the essential building blocks for having your vision become a reality

• Discover the #1 thing stopping you from having what you want

• Identify the most powerful actions that will move towards the business, career, relationship or life you desire

• Complete the consultation with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to create what you truly want

david@davidfirth.com

MY GIFT: a free 45 minute coaching conversation with you

I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element.

It is my personal approach that creates the climate.

It is my daily mood that makes the weather.

I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous.

I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.

I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.

In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized.

If we treat people as they are, we make them worse.

If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.

Goethe, 1749-1832

david@davidfirth.com

Final Thought