A CATHOLIC WEDDING GUIDE

“They are no longer two but one flesh.

Therefore what God has joined together no human being must separate.”

St. Kateri Tekakwitha Parish

Parish Office Location – 31 Calais Ave., Calais, ME

Mailing Address: P.O. Box 898, Calais, ME 04619Phone: (207) 454-0680

September 2015

Dear Newly Engaged Couple,

Our parishioners and I express to you our joy and excitement as we begin accompanying you in the months leading up to your wedding. While there are many practical preparations that must be made for your wedding day, our goal is to help prepare you to be faithful to the Sacrament of Marriage which you will receive on that day and that you will be asked to live for the rest of your lives.

By being faithful in your love for one another, not only will you help each other on your journey to heaven, but you will also be a sign for the Church of the very love that Christ has for each one of us. We hope that your wedding will be a joyful and grace-filled expression of your love and marriage vows of life-long fidelity in the Lord.

Please review this Catholic Wedding Guide carefully and be sure to discuss any questions you might have concerning these policies with the priest or deacon working with you to help you prepare for marriage. The guidelines presented here reflect the laws and policies of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Portland, St. Kateri Tekakwitha Parish which serves six Catholic church communities (Immaculate Conception – Calais, St. James – Baileyville, St. Joseph – Eastport, St. Ann – Peter Dana Point, St. John – Pembroke, and St. Ann – Pleasant Point), and the State of Maine.

Please know of our prayers for you as you continue your faith journey, yet begin this new phase in your life. If there is anything that you need, or any questions that you have, please do not hesitate to contact us.

May God continue to bless you and enrich your faith in Him and one another as you prepare for marriage.

With our prayers,

Fr. Kevin J. Martin, Pastor

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Table of ContentsWho Can Be Married In Our Parish Churches?..................................................4Take Time to Prepare and Plan........................................................................4What the Catholic Church Believes about Marriage.........................................5Interfaith Marriages..........................................................................................6If You Were Married in a Civil Ceremony..........................................................6If You Are Already Living Together...................................................................7

Considerations for Marriage in the Catholic Church

Marriage is a Sacrament..................................................................................8Bride and Groom are Ministers of the Sacrament............................................8Marriage is a Matter of Faith............................................................................8The Sacred Scriptures – God’s Word for You....................................................9Vows: What You Say, What You Promise, What You Live.................................9Music: To Stir the Soul and Lift the Mind.........................................................9Procession of the Bride…And the Groom!......................................................10Ministries: More than Just the Bridal Party.....................................................10Family + Friends = Liturgical Assembly.........................................................11Three Forms of the Rite of Marriage..............................................................11Take Advantage of Options............................................................................11Take Notice of the Ritual...............................................................................12And, Above All, Pray......................................................................................12Thoughtful and Prayerful Planning................................................................13

Marriage Preparation Process

The Initial Meeting /PMI..................................................................................14Documentation……………………………………………………………........………….14Planning a Date and Time..............................................................................15Officiating Priest or Deacon............................................................................16Fees and Expenses.........................................................................................16FACET Instrument..........................................................................................17Marriage Preparation Program.......................................................................17Planning the Wedding Liturgy........................................................................18Final Meeting – Reviewing Wedding Details...................................................20Wedding Rehearsal........................................................................................20Decoration and Use of the Church.................................................................21Dressing and Comportment...........................................................................22And Finally - ..................................................................................................23

Appendix

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A Wedding Checklist......................................................................................24Template for Worship Aid..............................................................................29Wedding Liturgy Planning Aid........................................................................34

Who Can be Married In Our Parish Churches?

Marriage is a sacred ritual, a Sacramental Rite of the Catholic Church. The Church’s marriage ceremony is intended for those who have made a commitment of faith in Christ through the Roman Catholic Church and who are active members of one of our parishes or in their own local parish where they live.

A parish member is one who is registered and practicing at one of our parish churches, or in the case of a student, who is away at school and whose parents are registered members of our parish. If you intend to be married in our parish and will in the future live in our area, we would encourage you as a couple to register by calling or stopping by our Parish Office during business hours.

Members of other Catholic parishes may ask to be married at one of our churches if they have a viable connection to one of our parish churches, or a very serious reason as to why the marriage should take place here rather than where they reside. In the last two cases, at least one party must be a practicing Catholic, and obtain permission to be married here from their local pastor. This is a requirement according to Church (Canon) Law. In the case of a marriage between a Catholic and a baptized Christian, the aforementioned policy applies to the Catholic party.

One of the most important elements of Marriage is freedom to marry. If one or both parties have been married before either civilly or within the Church, the Catholic Church recognizes that prior bond and an annulment for each marriage is required before the date for the wedding can be set. For more information on seeking an annulment, please talk with one of the priests.

Take Time to Prepare and Plan

It’s also important to talk with the parish priest or deacon or pastoral minister about what the parish allows and expects in a

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celebration. It’s a good idea to get your date on the parish calendar as soon as possible.

Beginning early to work with the parish makes practical good sense and it also helps you to develop a relationship with a community that shares your faith and wants to support you in the sacrament you are about receive and live.

What the Catholic Church Believes about Marriage

The Catholic Church believes marriage, as seen in God’s plan for creation, is both a natural institution and a sacred union between a man and a woman. It is the basic pattern for male-female relationships where the natural make-up of male and female bodies complement each other for expressing married love and transmitting human life. The Church affirms that marriage is much more than a civil contract between two people in love. It is an outward sign to everyone of the love God has for all people. Marriage joins your individual gifts and talents into a new partnership blessed by God’s special graces for your relationship.

The Catholic Church trusts that when you stand before the community to marry each other, you will make a free commitment to join your lives fully and completely in a life-long faithful covenant that is fruitful (the 4 F’s) in deepening your relationship and in accepting children. Through these holy vows, God will promise to be with you, to sustain you on your journey together, and to help you love each other with God’s very own love.

A free commitment means there is nothing in the way, personally or legally, of you marrying each other. It also means you choose this marriage without pressure from anyone, including yourselves, your families, or any personal situations.

A full commitment means you both intend your vows “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part”. It means you intend, with God’s grace, to love

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your spouse and to forgive your spouse when needed, so that each of you becomes the best person God created you to be.

A faithful commitment means you “forsake all others” when you marry, so your spouse will be your “one true love” and your most intimate companion for the rest of your life. Your promise to be faithful both sexually and emotionally includes striving to be loving, encouraging, thoughtful, and generous with each other.

A fruitful marriage means you are open to new life, that is, to having children if God sends them to you. Sometimes, couples discover they cannot give birth to biological children, but choose to give life through adoption, foster parenting, or generous works of charity. Whatever the situation, your married love is meant to give life to your relationship and to help you love others, including the children who may come into your lives.

In your marriage preparation, you will hear about Natural Family Planning (NFP), a healthy, all-natural, safe, responsible and effective way to plan or space children without artificial contraception. NFP helps couples communicate better about their sexuality and focuses on their total relationship. The Catholic Church approves this method because it is the only one that does not affect or change the natural cycles of fertility and infertility God placed in our bodies. We hope for you to consider learning more about using this method of family planning.

Interfaith Marriages

Marriage between a Catholic and someone of a different faith tradition is called an “interfaith” marriage. In that case, the Catholic party is expected to continue practicing the Catholic faith, have the children baptized, and to the best of his or her ability share that faith with future children by raising them within the Church. Marriages are stronger when interfaith spouses, or when one practices no faith, have an understanding of how that diversity can strengthen and challenge marriage and family life.

If You Were Married in a Civil Ceremony

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If you were married before in a civil wedding and desire to be married within the Catholic Church, you are invited to seek Convalidation of your marriage. A Convalidation is a valid marriage, distinct from a civil marriage. It is not a “blessing” of the civil marriage but a new act of consent. For preparation on Convalidation, please call the office to speak with the parish priest.

If You Are Already Living TogetherWe are pleased you want to be married in the Catholic Church. That means you also want God to be a partner in your marriage. A special belief the Catholic Church has about marriage is that every act of loving sexual intercourse within marriage renews the wedding vows and the commitment to love each other fully, freely, faithfully and fruitfully as described above. So, if there have been no public wedding vows, sexual intercourse loses the special meaning the Catholic Church believes God created it to have. Though couples may choose to live together for various reasons, the Catholic Church does not believe living together is the best way to prepare for marriage. Also, studies from the social sciences find that couples who live together before marriage divorce at higher rates than those who do not. So, the Catholic Church challenges couples to wait until after marriage to live together. Couples already living together could find it helpful to discuss the following questions in preparation for their marriage:

1. Why did we choose to live together? (Fear of permanent commitment, testing the relationship, convenience, need for companionship, financial reasons, escape from home, etc.)

2. What have we learned from our experience of living together that will enrich our marriage?

3. Why do we want to commit ourselves in marriage at this time?

4. Before living together, was there a reluctance/hesitation to marry? If so, why? Does either one still have any reluctance/hesitation to marry?

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5. Are we now at a new point of personal and couple development that makes us want to get married?

6. What is it that prompts us to marry in the Roman Catholic Church at this time?

7. What does marriage as a sacrament/sacred union/covenant mean to us?

8. How do we see our love and the continued growth of our love for one another being an important part of our marriage?

9. What changes in our relationship do we think will happen after we marry?

Considerations for Marriage in the Catholic Church

Marriage is a Sacrament!

The celebration of Marriage is not just a religious ceremony. A marriage between two baptized Christians is a sacrament, which means it is an encounter with Jesus Christ. In a particular way, the bride and the groom, in offering their lives to each other (symbolized in their vows), pledge their selfless love for each other. This selfless love embodies and makes present the love of Jesus, who gave Himself in love for His people. All who are present at a wedding can look at the bride and groom and see Jesus. More importantly, the bride and the groom look at each other and see Jesus’ love.

Bride and Groom are the Ministers of the Sacrament

In some ways, marriage is less about the ceremony or the sacramental celebration than it is about the daily living of marital life. The priest (or deacon) is not the minister of the sacrament. He merely serves as the official witness of the church and the state (if the wedding takes place during Mass, the priest is the celebrant of the Mass). The bride and the groom marry each other, and as such, they are the ministers of the sacrament. The celebration of marriage, then, ought to be a reflection of the couple’s faith and love.

Marriage is a Matter of Faith8

As a sacrament and an action of the Church, marriage both presupposes faith and renews and strengthens faith. The process of preparation for marriage invites couples to reflect on God’s presence in their lives. In the Sacrament of Marriage, God “enriches and strengthens” the husband and wife by giving them his special gifts of grace to enable their daily living in marriage “in mutual and lasting fidelity.”

The Sacred Scriptures - God’s Word for You

Couples are invited to choose the readings from the Bible that will be proclaimed at the wedding Liturgy. Normally three readings (one from the Old Testament, one from the New Testament letters, and one from the Gospels) are proclaimed. Sacred Scripture is the very Word of God speaking to the Church. Couples should reflect on what they believe God is speaking to them as they enter into Marriage, and they should also consider what they want to communicate about their own faith to those who will gather to celebrate with them on their wedding day.

Vows: What you Say, What You Promise, What You Live

The heart of the Rite of Marriage is the exchange of consent between the bride and the groom. In this moment, as ministers of the sacrament, you will express lifelong commitment to love and honor each other, as the priest (or deacon) acts as a witness. We invite you to reflect and spend time pondering what the vows mean, and hopefully remember the words for years to come, as the words take on more and more meaning in your day–to–day love and care for each other.

For example: I, (NAME), take you to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you, all the days of my life.

Music: To Stir the Soul and Lift the Mind

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Music for the celebration of Marriage not only adds beauty and dignity to the ceremony, but it has a more important liturgical function. In addition to music that accompanies the procession of the ministers and the bridal party, music is an integral part of the Liturgy itself: the singing of the acclamations and responses by the assembly, hymns and songs at the entrance (gathering) and Communion procession are prescribed in the Rite of Marriage. Music should reflect and communicate, above all, the mystery of God’s love in Jesus, especially as it pertains to the couple joined together in marriage.

Music, including songs, should be of a religious nature according to parish and diocesan policy. The music for a wedding should reflect the religious nature of marriage. As in any liturgy, the music serves to draw people into prayer and help those gathered to offer praise to God. Secular music and performance music, appropriate for your reception but not your wedding ceremony, is not permitted for your wedding in the Church.

If you have thought of using the song, “The Wedding March,” (Here Comes the Bride), we ask you to reconsider. There are many other songs that would be conducive to the bridal procession and we ask you to meet with one of our parish musicians soon after you set the date for the wedding to discuss arrangements. A list of our parish musicians will be provided by calling the Parish Office at 454-0680.

Procession of Bride…and the Groom!

What the movies depict isn’t necessarily what the Church envisions. The bride and the groom enter freely and equally into marriage, and the entrance procession symbolizes that, as the couple approach the altar to stand before the Lord. The Rite of Marriage suggests that the liturgical ministers (priest, deacon, reader, servers) lead the procession, followed by the bride and bridegroom, each escorted by “at least their parents and the witnesses.” This form of entrance is not always common, but speaks profoundly of the nature of marriage and the covenantal bond you are making with one another.

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Ministries: More than Just the Bridal Party

One of the important tasks couples undertake in planning their wedding is the selection of the bridal party. Couples invite siblings, cousins, and close friends to stand by them as attendants, who show their support by their close presence. They also perform a liturgical function as official witnesses of the marriage rite. There are other liturgical ministries to consider as well: readers to proclaim the readings from Scripture and announce the intentions of the general intercessions, family or friends to present the offertory gifts of bread and wine, or perhaps even (if a Mass) a server to assist at the altar. All of this preparation takes place as couples work with the officiating priest (or deacon), who provides guidance throughout the process.

Family + Friends = Liturgical Assembly

Couples invite their closest friends and members of their families to be part of their wedding day. That gathering also represents the community of the Church, as they surround the couple with their encouragement and their prayers. Above all, it is an occasion for worship. In celebrating the sacrament, the couple, together with their family and friends, forms a liturgical assembly, who stand before the Lord with hearts open to His loving power.

Three Forms of the Rite of Marriage

The Catholic Church provides three different forms of celebrating the Rite of Marriage. When two Catholics are marrying, the celebration will normally take place within a Mass. The second form, which does not include a Mass, is used when a Catholic marries another baptized Christian. There is a third form, which also does not include a Mass, for a Catholic marrying someone who is a non-Christian. You should choose one of these forms in conversation with the priest or deacon who will witness your marriage vows.

Take Advantage of Options

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Within each of the three forms of the Rite there are additional choices. For example, you can select biblical readings, blessings, and prayers from the approved texts. You can also choose friends or family members for different roles in the ceremony, such as readers and those who assist with the Offertory procession. Making these choices with your future spouse and with the priest or deacon can help you to learn more about the Catholic understanding of marriage and to become more deeply involved in your celebration of it. We will offer you a Marriage Planning Booklet entitled, “Together for Life,” which will guide you in making choices concerning your wedding liturgy.

Take Notice of the Ritual

A very good way to know what the Catholic Church believes is to participate in its worship. This is especially true in the case of marriage. The Catholic wedding rite, whether it is celebrated within a Mass or not, is a powerful teaching tool. This is experienced in many ways, for example:

in the active role taken by the couple who, in the teaching of the Roman Catholic Church, are the “ministers” of the sacrament;

in the fact that the wedding takes place in a church, signifying it is a sacred action;

in the biblical readings which speak of God’s plan for marriage and His presence to the couple;

in the music which lifts our thoughts and feelings in a prayerful, joyful way;

in the homily given by the priest or deacon addressing the couple and their guests about the meaning of marriage as well as its joys and challenges;

in the vows and exchange of rings in which the couple express their freely-given consent, promising to create a loving and lifelong union of permanence, fidelity, and openness to children;

in the various prayers and blessings through which the Church solemnizes and supports the journey on which the couple is embarking.

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Above All, Pray!

The wedding liturgy, a Wedding Mass or Wedding Ceremony, is an act of worship. As such, it is a time to offer praise and thanks to God for His gifts, and to seek His continued blessings and help in your lives. In particular, thank God for the gift of your future spouse, and pray to the Lord to bless you and guide you together as you become witnesses of His love for each other and for the world.

Nowadays many engaged couples handle a lot of their own wedding planning. When at least one of the individuals is Catholic this can include making arrangements to be married in a Catholic Church. This is a significant decision. It means more than just choosing an appropriate and picturesque setting for the ceremony and the photos!

You’re trying to make your wedding a meaningful and memorable experience and, most of all, to express in a clear and beautiful way the hopes you have for your married life. How can you achieve these goals in the celebration of your wedding?

We offer the following suggestions for your consideration.

Thoughtful and Prayerful Planning

Thoughtful, prayerful planning and participation in your Catholic wedding ceremony is a decision that will bring many blessings to your married life long after you’ve forgotten all the other decisions you made about flowers, photos, and favors on the tables!

Getting married in the Catholic Church takes more than one day. The reception, the band, the photographer, the dress are all costly. It may seem natural to give the most time and attention to the items which are the costliest. But is has been our experience that couples who spend the time and effort planning the wedding ceremony – the “in the church” part of the day – find their time and effort well spent.

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Marriage Preparation Process

The Initial Meeting / PMIBEFORE a Church Reservation or Wedding Date can be arranged, the perspective Bride and Groom together must schedule an initial meeting with a parish priest. If it is not possible to meet with a local priest in our parish, especially for couples who are living in other parts of the State or other parts of the country, please let us know. This meeting can happen with a priest/deacon in a Catholic parish where the couple is living.

We highly recommend that you meet with a priest at least one year in advance of the intended wedding date, but no less than 6 months before your wedding. It is important to set up an appointment with one of the priests of the parish to discuss your intention to get married in the Catholic Church as soon as possible. Sometimes there can be obstacles which need to be resolved before planning can proceed. It is better to have advance notice.

At this initial meeting, the priest will take time to get to know you, fill in some paperwork, and share with you more about what is offered to you for marriage preparation in our area.

DocumentationIn accordance with Church (Canon) Law, the bride and groom each need to furnish the applicable documents.

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A Baptized Catholic – a recently issued (not a copy of the original) record of Baptism with notations of Baptism, Confirmation, Eucharist, etc. This is done by contacting the parish office in which the Baptism took place. Let the staff know you are getting married and would request a record of your Baptism – it should be sent to our parish office, where it will be added to your marriage file. If one or both parties were baptized in one of the churches of our parish, this will be done by our staff.

If either of you were baptized and did not receive the Sacrament of Confirmation or Eucharist, you can still be married in the Church. We would recommend that you consider preparing for Confirmation before or after the Wedding.

A Baptized Christian – a copy of your baptism record from the Church in which you were baptized, and a letter, preferably from a relative, stating that he/she has not been previously married. This is referred to as a Marriage Affidavit.

One who has not been Baptized - a letter, preferably from a relative, stating that he/she has not been previously married.

State of Maine Marriage License - In the State of Maine, a marriage license is required in order for the wedding to occur. Together, the couple must go either to the local city hall where they reside, or Augusta City Hall to obtain a marriage license. This can be obtained within 90 days of the wedding date. We recommend that you do this not the week before, but well in advance. Once it is obtained, please forward it to our parish office where it will be added to your file. NO LICENSE = NO WEDDING. This is State Law.

Previous Marriages – If one or either party has been married before, an annulment is needed before the wedding can occur. A Copy of the Decree of Annulment along with the Divorce Decree must be produced. It is important to share this in the first meeting with the priest.

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Planning a Date and TimeWeddings are scheduled in our parish churches on a first-come, first-served basis. Please bear in mind that your first choice of date and time might not be available. Weddings are scheduled as the parish and clergy calendars permit.

Weddings may occur in any of our parish churches, any day of the week, except Sunday or a Holy Day of Obligation. Typically, they are held on Friday or Saturday.

If you intend on having an evening wedding, we recommend Friday evening. Saturday evening weddings are not permitted in the Diocese of Portland. Friday evening weddings are normally scheduled for 5:00pm or no later than 6:00pm. Saturday weddings are scheduled either at 11:00am or no later than 1:00pm due to parish and clergy calendars.

Should you happen to postpone or cancel your wedding, please call the Pastoral Center immediately. Others may appreciate the day and time you had reserved.

Officiating Priest or DeaconOnce the paperwork is started, one of our priests (for a Wedding Mass) or a deacon (for a Wedding Ceremony Outside of Mass) will be assigned to work with you to plan your wedding. If you would like to request a particular priest/deacon from the parish or from outside of the parish to celebrate your wedding, please make your request known as soon as possible. For priests/deacons not assigned in our parish, permission is needed from our pastor and a copy of their celebret or (for those outside our diocese) a letter from their Bishop or Religious Superior needs to be provided.

Fees and ExpensesTo cover the cost of administration, maintenance, and utilities, the following fees must be made payable to St. Kateri Tekakwitha Parish and sent to the parish office at least 60 days prior to the wedding.

$200.00 for Registered Parishioners

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$300.00 for Non-Registered Parishioners

A non-refundable deposit of $50.00 is due at the time of reserving the Church for the wedding and should be dropped off or sent to our Parish Office. The remainder of the fee is due two months prior to the Wedding and should also be sent to our Parish Office.

The Couple is also responsible for compensating the musician(s), the photographer, florist, etc. These amounts are negotiated with them directly. If there is an Altar Server for a Wedding Mass, it is customary to offer the server $10.00. There is no fee for the priest or deacon who is officiating your wedding.

FACET InstrumentSoon after the initial meeting, we recommend both of you to come to our parish office and fill in a special marital inventory called the FACET instrument. The FACET is not a test, but a comprehensive inventory that invites you to reflect on many areas that affect your life now as an engaged couple, and in your future married life together. It is designed to identify both areas of strength and weakness, and give you an opportunity to build a stronger bond of communication between you.

Both parties come to our office to take the FACET, and at that time, a take-home portion is given to you. The instrument is then scored and we receive the results back within a couple of weeks. We also recommend that you take time to review the results with either one of our priests or trained team couples from our marriage preparation program.

Marriage Preparation Program

Participation in a Marriage Preparation Program is not an option, but a requirement. We ask that you attend a Marriage Preparation Program. The priest or deacon who is working with you should provide you other options to attend a program, and a certificate of completion of that program will need to be forwarded to our office. Along with our clergy, we have several

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married couples who are excited to share in your preparation for marriage. More details will be provided about our program soon after the first meeting.

The Catholic Church really cares about married couples and wants marriages to be happy and life-giving. Research in social studies finds that more than 50% of marriages end in divorce and the greatest number of divorces happen within the first five years of marriage. Therefore, the Catholic Church wants to do what it can to enrich the readiness of couples with life-skills education on things like communication, parenting, the influence of your families on your marriage relationship, money matters, and how your faith and spirituality will be part of your marriage.

We hope this time of preparation will begin, or continue, your dialogue about your ideas, feelings, plans, dreams, hopes and fears about marriage. Because the Catholic Church believes this kind of dialogue is so important, discussion of the following matters is part of our marriage preparation program:

♥ What marriage in the Catholic Church means ♥ Your faith and relationship with God ♥ Understanding influences from your families about life and

love ♥ Your gift of sexuality, information on Natural Family Planning,

and what you expect and hope from your married sexual love

♥ Having children: how you would handle an unexpected or difficult pregnancy; or how you would manage discovering that you are not able to have biological children

♥ Your values and habits about money, debt, possessions, and career

♥ How to make decisions and problem-solve together with love, common sense, good communication, and humor

♥ “Red flags” indicating possible problem areas – like substance abuse, domestic violence, rape, abortion, or sexual abuse, or pornography

♥ Special situations (when applicable) like re-marriage, step-parenting, and cultural differences

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♥ Marriage enrichment opportunities and resources like the U.S. Catholic Bishops’ Conference web-site at www.foryourmarriage.org

Planning the Wedding LiturgyAll marriages in the Catholic Church are conducted according to the Rite of Christian Marriage. This is because a Catholic wedding is an event that involves the whole Church community. Yet because engaged couples are the ministers of the sacrament, they can and should be involved in making certain decisions about the wedding liturgy. As mentioned, a booklet called “Together for Life” will be provided so that you can select options for the wedding liturgy. The following information and guidelines are to help you complete the Wedding Liturgy Planning Aid that is included at the back of this booklet so that you can be prepared when you come to meet with the priest or deacon about the wedding liturgy.

ReadingsThe Rite of Christian Marriage normally includes a reading from the Old Testament, a Psalm, a New Testament Reading and a Gospel reading. We invite you to select choices from the available options the rite provides. The Gospel reading will be proclaimed by the officiating priest or deacon. Please speak to the music director about the Responsorial Psalm since it is normally sung.

We encourage you also to choose 1-3 people who will proclaim the readings and also assist the officiating minister with the General Intercessions. When selecting a reader, they do not have to be a Catholic, but should be a person of the Christian faith.

Gift Bearers and Altar ServerFor a Catholic Wedding Mass, there is a need for two gift bearers, and usually an Altar Server. The parish is able to provide an Altar Server from our community to serve at your wedding liturgy. However, if you have Catholic family members or friends who are involved in any of these ministries in their own parishes and

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would like to serve at your wedding, please talk to the priest who is going to be presiding at the wedding.

The Wedding PartyYou must choose two witnesses to your marriage (normally the Best Man and Maid of Honor). Both must be present at the wedding rehearsal. Wedding parties should be limited in size so that they do not distract from the liturgy. Any and all groomsmen and bridesmaids, flower girls or ring-bearers, readers, and parents of the bride and groom should be present at the rehearsal.

Worship AidYou may decide to put together a small booklet for those who will be attending your wedding. We have included a template for a worship aid that we hope will help you in this guide. We can also provide you with a digital copy for your convenience if you call the parish office. Please bring or send a digital copy of your proposed worship aid to your priest/deacon for review before you start printing it.

Church CoordinatorIt would be helpful for you to ask someone to help at the wedding rehearsal and the day of the wedding. You can choose one of your friends or relatives who plan to attend your wedding, and not a member of the wedding party, who would be willing to help coordinate the bridal party and groomsmen at the wedding rehearsal and on the wedding day. Since the officiating priest/deacon is preparing other details, this person is helpful in pinning corsages and lining up the people who will be walking down the aisle. They are asked to attend the rehearsal and to speak with the officiating priest/deacon or rehearsal director at the rehearsal.

Final Meeting – Reviewing Wedding Details

Once the paperwork and period of preparation has been completed, and no less than a month before the wedding, please plan a final planning meeting with the priest/deacon who will

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officiate at your wedding. At this meeting, he will review the paperwork and also finalize the details for the ceremony with you.

Wedding RehearsalThe wedding rehearsal is usually scheduled the day before your wedding. Sometimes, the rehearsal is coordinated by a parish staff member other than the officiating priest or deacon. Most couples do plan to have a rehearsal dinner with their friends and family, so we recommend a 5:00pm time for the rehearsal. Please note, we encourage you to notify all parties who will be in your wedding to attend.

Due to church schedules and those of others, it is essential for your rehearsal to begin promptly and on time. The rehearsal is typically 45 minutes to one hour in length.

Please plan to bring programs, decorations, etc. with you to the rehearsal.

Decoration and Use of the ChurchA Catholic Church is a sacred space, and so it must be treated with reverence and respect. Please observe the following policies in our parish churches:

Flowers - If you would like special flowers for your wedding, please make sure that they are of good taste and dignified. Sometimes flower arrangements are placed at either side of the altar. It is customary to leave these flowers after the wedding so that our parish community can share in the joy of your wedding. No floral arrangements should be placed on the altar itself, or in such a way that obstructs the view of the top of the altar. They should not obstruct movement in the sanctuary. Simplicity and elegance have long been a custom of our religious tradition. Please notify your florist that on the wedding day, the Church will be open one hour in advance of the wedding.

If you plan to have a Flower Girl/Girls –scattering of flower petals or any other item is not allowed for safety and cleanliness reasons.

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Pew Bows - Pew bows may be used provided that they are attached with rubber bands or ribbon or thickly coated wire. No kind of adhesive material (tape, masking tape, duct tape) or pins are permitted.

Unity Candle - Although it is not an official part of a Catholic wedding ceremony, you are responsible for obtaining the candles and bringing them to the church for the rehearsal. Please consult with the priest or deacon before choosing to have one.

Candles - No candles are permitted other than the liturgical candles already in the sanctuary.

Wedding Carpets - No wedding carpets (aisle runners) are permitted in our churches because of the safety hazard.

Confetti or Rice - Absolutely no confetti, rice or any other kind of material may be thrown or scattered within the church or on the church property for safety reasons and because of the extensive cleaning time and costs involved.

Clean Up - Please arrange to have someone stay after the wedding to pick up anything left – including pew bows, tissues, empty floral boxes, programs, etc. It would be appreciated for additional help to return chairs and tables in the church to their original places. There is no maintenance staff in our churches on the weekends. Please keep in mind that the Church will need to be ready for Mass shortly after the conclusion of your wedding.

Photography and Videography - Photographers and Videographers should always keep in mind that they are working in a sacred space. They should not enter the sanctuary (elevated area above the main floor) and should be especially respectful during the Liturgy of the Word and Liturgy of the Eucharist. Please limit photo shoots that happen on church property to half an hour before and no more than half an hour after the liturgy, provided there is sufficient time to do so before the next scheduled function.

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We will also give you a policy form to share with your photographer and/or videographer so that they are aware of our policy. It is advisable for them to be present at the church no less than 20 minutes prior to the celebration and introduce themselves to the officiating minister.

Receiving Line – We would encourage you not to have a “receiving line” at the church, but consider greeting your guests after the wedding at the reception.

Dressing and ComportmentPromptness - Please do everything in your power for yourselves and your wedding party to arrive on time for the rehearsal and the wedding liturgy.

The Groom, Groomsmen, and Church Coordinator should arrive 45 minutes prior to the celebration. The Groom and Best Man are asked to go to the sacristy of the Church. The Bride, Bridal Party and Parents are asked to be present no less than 10 minutes early (or earlier) and meet with the Church Coordinator at the entrance of the Church.

Preparations - All dressing and preparations by the bride, groom, and the wedding party must occur prior to arrival at the church. There are no dressing rooms available.

Modesty of Dress – We would recommend to the bride and attendants to be attentive to modesty when choosing dresses and gowns for the wedding rehearsal and the wedding ceremony.

Chewing Gum – Since the celebration is occurring in the Church, we ask that none of your party chews gum inside the Church during the rehearsal and wedding ceremony.

Food and Drink - There is to be absolutely no drinking of alcoholic beverages by anyone in the wedding party prior to the wedding. No food or drink is permitted within our churches, except for bottled water in extreme circumstances.

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And Finally --We offer you our sincere congratulations on your upcoming marriage. Our parish extends to you a warm and heartfelt welcome to the marriage preparation process. We sincerely believe this experience will be rewarding and enlightening for you. You are preparing for the most important relationship journey of your life – a journey that God and the Catholic Church want to support.

We invite you to look at this preparation process as a solid investment in your marriage, one that will pay generously in benefits for the future. If you have not already done so, we invite you to consider registering as a couple/family in our parish. We would recommend that you consider some form of active involvement or ministry in your parish. Please discuss this with your marriage preparation team. You are forming a “domestic Catholic Church” of the home. You hold the future of the Catholic Church in your hands and hearts.

We believe you have much to offer, and we hope you will find a meaningful way to share your gifts and talents within the Catholic Church community.

A Wedding Checklist

The following checklist is provided as an aid to you as you prepare for your wedding. Of course, not everything is required, but we have tried to include preparations that many couples make as they prepare for their wedding day.

Six to 12 months…o Set up an initial meeting to discuss your desire to marry. Do not set a date or make other arrangements until after this initial meeting. Ask about the marriage preparation program and make arrangements.

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o If you do not already, start praying together on a regular basis. We would encourage Catholics to attend Mass each week.

o Agree on a budget for your wedding, and decide who pays for what.

o Choose your wedding party.o Book your reception venue and the caterers.o Book a photographer and videographer, if you plan to use one.o Start looking around to decide what you and the wedding party

are going to wear.o Start thinking about where you want to go on your honeymoon.

Six to 10 months…o Meet with a member from the parish staff to take the FACET

instrument. Sign up for and begin participating in a marriage preparation program.

o Meet with the director of music to discuss the music for your wedding.

o Compile the guest list with both families.o Alert out-of-town guests of your wedding date.o Order your wedding gown and veil.o Select bridesmaid dresses.o Select a florist.o Book a DJ or band, and begin selecting music for the reception.o Reserve hotel rooms for out-of-town guests.Four to six months…o Meet with one of our Marriage Prep. Team Couples or the priest

or deacon to go over the results of your FACET instrument and to talk about how the marriage preparation process is going.

o Think of friends or relatives you would like to read and bring up gifts at the wedding.

o Order your invitations and other wedding stationery, such as thank-you notes.

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o Start planning menus with caterers.o Order your cake.o Book your rehearsal dinner location.o Book your wedding cars/transport for the family and guests,

and talk with friends and family about whose cars will be used on the day.

o Purchase wedding rings, and get them engraved, if you want.o Choose accessories for bride’s and bridesmaids’ ensembles:

shoes, jewelry, handbags, wraps and other items.o Decide what the groom will wear, and order tuxedos for groom

and groomsmen if needed.o Start your wedding registries before any shower invitations are

sent.o Help shower hosts with guest lists and other ideas as needed.o Reserve any rental equipment you may need: chairs, tables,

chair covers, etc.

Two to four months…o Meet with your priest or deacon again to talk about the

marriage preparation process and to begin to make some choices about the way that the wedding liturgy will unfold.

o Look at Scripture readings and begin deciding which ones you would like to be read at your wedding and by whom.

o Finish your marriage preparation classes and go on retreat together.

o Finalize your guest list.o Schedule hair stylist and makeup appointment if you plan to

use professionals.o Check or renew your passport if you are traveling out of the

country for your honeymoon. Make sure the name on your passport is the same as the name on any travel documents. (You can update your name after the wedding if applicable.)

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o Book a hotel room for your wedding night, if needed.o Plan and order or make favors, if you are having them.o Find gifts for your attendants and parents and for your shower

hosts and each other if you choose.o Have your first bridal gown fitting.

One to two months…o Send your invitations out at least six weeks before the

wedding, eight weeks if you have a large number of out-of-town guests. Record RSVPs as they come in.

o Make sure your guests have details of hotel accommodations.o Together go to City Hall to obtain your marriage license and

deliver it to the Pastoral Center where it will be added to your file.

o Order liquor and other beverages if your reception site does not provide them.

o Check that all wedding gowns, tuxes and other attire are near completion.

o Visit your hairdresser with your veil or headpiece and plan what style you want. If you are styling your hair yourself, do a practice run.

o Have a practice makeover.o Check that all the transportation arrangements are in place.o Write thank-you notes for any shower gifts or wedding gifts

received early.Two to four weeks…o Meet with your priest or deacon to discuss the wedding

ceremony and finalize arrangements.o Design the worship aid for your wedding once all the ceremony

details are in place with the help of the template provided in this booklet. Bring or email a proof of the worship aid to your priest or deacon, before printing so that he can review it.

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o Call guests who haven’t RSVP’d and ask if they are coming. Parents can help with this too.

o Confirm final guest count with caterers.o Arrange bachelor and bachelorette party, but don’t have it the

night before the wedding!o Finalize honeymoon plans. o Notify rehearsal dinner guests of plans for rehearsal and dinner.o Make final arrangements with photographer, including a must-

have shot list.o Finalize music list with reception DJ or band, including must-

play and don’t-play songs.o Mail sight-seeing and other information to out-of-town guests if

necessary.One to two weeks…o If you have not already done so, bring your marriage license to

the Pastoral Center. o Make final checks on your clothing.o Wear your wedding shoes at home to break them in.o Confirm all beauty appointments.o Finalize all arrangements with vendors.o Create and hand out a schedule or checklist for the wedding

day that lets all attendants, relatives and designated drivers know when they need to be where, and what they need to do.

o Make sure to arrange for someone to provide snacks or a light lunch before the ceremony, if necessary.

o Bride, have your final gown fitting.o Pick up your wedding gown, and make sure your shoes, jewelry

and other accessories are all in one place.o Pick up the groom’s tux, and make sure other men pick up their

tuxes.

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o Give a trusted friend or relative a copy of your honeymoon itinerary. Make sure you’ve arranged for someone to take care of your pets.

A few days before…o We encourage Catholics to consider making arrangements to

receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation.o Have the rehearsal for the ceremony. Give gifts to your

attendants and family members to thank them for their support.o Give a list of payment envelopes to whomever is responsible

for paying vendors. Don’t forget to include tips if applicable, and it’s nice (but not required) to include a donation for your priest if you are not paying him.

o Give your announcement cards to someone to mail after the wedding.

o Hand out schedules and checklists to ensure everyone knows their tasks.

o Bride, get a manicure if you’re having one.The wedding day…o Take some time before all the action begins to be alone, relax

and pray. o Try to eat breakfast and drink plenty of water.o Bride: wear a button-down shirt to your hair and makeup

appointments.o Let go of all the planning details. Let your trusted friends worry

about them instead.o Take deep breaths all day, and try to remain in the present

moment as you float through the day. It will help you remember details of your wedding later.

After the wedding…o Call the priest or deacon who witnessed your wedding and

invite him over for dinner or just say hello. He’d like to hear from you.

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o Bride, get your gown cleaned and preserved, or donate it to a charity.

o Groom, be sure someone takes care of returning the tuxes.o Write thank-you notes.o Get bride’s bouquet preserved, if you wish.o Take care of any name changes, if applicable.o Meet with photographer and/or videographer to finalize album

and/or video details.Template for a Wedding Worship Aid

If you desire to have a Wedding Worship Aid, on the following pages, there is a template for your review. Note that this template is for a Wedding Mass. If you plan to have a Wedding Ceremony (no Mass), then you will need to omit the entire ‘Liturgy of the Eucharist,’ except for the Our Father and ‘Nuptial Blessing,’ which remains in the same place.If you would like a copy of this document in Microsoft Word or Adobe Acrobat, we would be happy to email you the file. Just contact our office.BEFORE you print the final version, please email a digital file or drop off a DRAFT COPY to the officiating priest or deacon for review.If you have any other questions, please feel free to contact one of the staff at the office, and we will be happy to help you.

Template for Worship Aid

THE MARRIAGE CELEBRATION

OF

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John A. Groomand

Jane A. Bride

Reverend Joseph A. Priest, PresiderOur Lady of Perpetual Fidelity Church

Our Town, MaineJune 15, 2014

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THE WEDDING LITURGY

Prelude Music

INTRODUCTORY RITES

Entrance RiteMothers’ Entrance

Title – Composer*If there is a Unity Candle, mothers or family member light taper candles*

Procession of the Wedding PartyTitle – Composer

Procession of the BrideTitle – Composer

Penitential RiteOpening Prayer

LITURGY OF THE WORD

First ReadingGenesis 1:26-28, 31a

Responsorial PsalmPsalm 103 – “The Lord is Kind and Merciful”

Second ReadingColossians 3:12-17

Gospel Reading Homily

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RITE OF MARRIAGE

Exchange of ConsentBlessing and Exchange of Rings

**If there is a Unity Candle, the couple lights the large candle at this point in the celebration – usually, accompanied by song.**

General Intercessions

LITURGY OF THE EUCHARIST

Preparation of the AltarTitle – Composer

Prayer over the GiftsThe Eucharistic PrayerOur FatherNuptial BlessingDistribution of Communion

Music for Communion ProcessionTitle – Hymn # or name of composer

Prayer after Communion

CONCLUDING RITE

Final BlessingRecessional

Title – Composer

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THE WEDDING PARTY

Parents of the Bride Mr. and Mrs. John BrideParents of the Groom Mr. and Mrs. Jack Groom

Maid of Honor Jane A. MaidBridesmaids Jess A. Maid

Jen A. MaidJan A. Maid

Best Man Jack A. ManGroomsmen Joe A. Man

John A ManJim A Man.

Flower Girl Jane A. GirlRing Bearer Jack A. Bearer

LITURGICAL MINISTERS

Reader(s) Jack A. ReaderJill A. Reader

Organist Jim A. OrganistCantor Jane A. Cantor

Directions to the Reception Location, thank-you message, or other information can be placed here.

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Wedding Liturgy Planning Aid

Wedding Date Church and Time:

Officiating Minister: Name of Priest or DeaconBride: Anne Elizabeth JonesMaid of Honor: Jane Mary Smith Groom: John Andrew MurphyBest Man: Philip Henry MillerFlowergirl: KimRingbearer: Sam2 Bridesmaids: Sally and Jessica 2 Groomsmen: Ryan and Mark

Parents of the Bride: Marc and Mary Ellen JonesParents of the Groom: Jim and Helen MurphyGrandparents:

Of the Bride: Barbara and LawrenceOf the Groom: Cindy and James

1st Reading [B 6]: Sally SmithResponsorial Psalm [C 6]: Church Musician 2nd Reading [1 Corinthians]: Philip MillerIntercessions: Jessica Thomas

Music: Church MusicianPhotographer: Linda StevensFlorist: Flowers Ltd.*Church coordinator: Aunt Mary Murphy

*This is someone other than a member of the wedding party who can come to the rehearsal and early to the wedding day to help before and at the start of the wedding at the entrance of the church. They are asked to meet with the officiating minister for direction.

Processional: Priest, John and Philip walk from sacristy to front of sanctuary –

music starts

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Song for Parents – o Ryan (usher) with Mary Elleno Jim and Heleno Mothers light the 2 Unity Candle Tapers

Song for Processional – o Sam and Kino Sallyo Jessicao Jane

Bridal Song: o Anne escorted by father, Marc

*Mr. and Mrs. John Murphy

Recessional: John and Anne Philip and Jane Sam and Kim Ryan and Sally Mark and Jessica Marc and Mary Ellen Jim and Helen Priest / Deacon Guests (approx 125 + people)

Reception: The Wedding Reception Hall

Together for Life Choices:A-4; B-6; C-6; D-5; F-1; G-1; H-1; I-3: J-2; K-1; L-2: M-1; N-2: O-4

Please fill in your own information based on the Wedding Planner with the priest/deacon who will officiate at your wedding. This can be done with him at the final meeting before the wedding.

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