7th Annual LWMMI Policyholder Conference

Chula Vista Resort and Water Park Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin

April 28 and 29, 2016

Managing Conflict in the Workplace (How to Deal with Unpleasant People)

Friday, April 29, 2016 10:30 AM – 11:30 AM

Presented By:

Susan Schoenfeld, M.A. Communication Arts,

Marquette University Faculty

Susan Schoenfeld MAsschoenfeld3@gmail.com

When I say “conflict” what is the first word that comes to mind?

Is conflict bad?◦ No. It is the behavior involved in handling conflict

that can be destructive

At the end of this session participants will be able to:

• Describe constructive ways to handle conflict• List actions that cause conflict and damage

relationships• Demonstrate active listening, paraphrasing,

goal setting and problem solving• Give constructive feedback• Describe how to cope with criticism• Write a Conflict Resolution Plan

• When it is perceived as a win-lose situation• When people withdraw and avoid conflict

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed unless it is faced”

James Baldwin• When people are aggressive• When people blame each other• When people repress feelings

I feel……. When …….. As a result ……

Example: I feel hurt when you don’t include me in your Friday lunches and as a result I have been avoiding the people in the group.

• Having a better understanding of the problem• Understanding the cause of the problem• Increased alternatives to solving problems• Promote better relationships

• Inaccurate or incomplete information• Different interpretation of information• Lack of common goals• Ineffective conflict solving methods

• Manage your emotions• Be empathetic• Focus on the issues• Choose the right time and place• Use “I” statements• Be objective• Don’t put it off• Separate personal from professional feelings

• Hit below the belt• Attack the person not the issue• Fixing the symptom, not the problem• Failure to involve critical decision makers• Expect to change the person• Using phrases like, “You always..” “You

never…” “You have to…”• Aggressive

• Listening• Defining Goals• Body Language and Tone of Voice• Providing Effective Feedback• Giving constructive criticism• Accepting criticism

• Look like you are listening• Don’t interrupt• Ask questions for clarification• Paraphrase

Say something back in your own words to make sure you understood it correctly

Example: Am I correct in saying that you were unhappy with the assignment because you weren’t given enough time to work on it?

SMART Goals• Specific• Measurable• Agreed• Realistic• Tractable

Example: I want to increase the number of meetings I have with my client from 2 – 5 times each month

• Facial Expression• Avoid Arms Crossed• Avoid Sarcasm• Keep a pleasant tone of voice and volume

• Describe the behavior, your perception and the action to be taken.

Example: “When you were leading the meeting you interrupted people several times. This made me think that you were more concerned with the agenda than their input. Therefore, I suggest that next time you allow them to finish a thought, respond, and then move on.”

Remember it is not personal Realize that angry people want an

opportunity to vent Stay focused Listen Remain calm Show them that you are a person who cares

Apologize and refer to them by name Ask questions to learn what the problem is Confirm the situation by paraphrasing Let the customer disclose their feelings and

acknowledge how they see the situation Propose a solution Use words like “for you” and “I will”

Wait and give yourself time to respond Analyze -Reread the email. Ignore any

challenging comments or unprofessional language. Look for the purpose of the message. Find out what's bothering the person and how to respond

Confront – Call them if possible. Calmly explain that you received his/her email and you'd like to discuss the issues of concern.

Acknowledge their feelings

State your position or how you would like to solve the problem

Thank them Follow-up with an email

• Sandwich the criticism• Stick to the present• Include a suggestion for improvement• Use your own experiences to show you can

identify with the person• Criticize the behavior not the person• Be specific

• Describe what the person did• Express why it is a problem• Specify what they should do to change• Describe the positive and negative outcomes

if the person doesn’t changeExample: You didn’t empty the client’s

garbage when you left for the weekend. When I came in Monday the apartment smelled. Please make sure to empty the garbage before you leave so we don’t have a problem with unpleasant odors.

• Agree with the truth• Seek more information• Paraphrase• Thank the person for the criticism

• Define your needs• Share your needs with the other party• Listen to the other person’s needs• Generate possible solutions• Evaluate possible solutions• Implement the solutions• Follow-up

1. Goal: What do I want to achieve?2. Reason: Why do I want to achieve this goal?3. Time: What is the best time for the conflict?4. Place: What is the best location?5. Problem: What needs to be changed?6. Behavior/Attitude: What can I expect?7. Result: How will I know that the problem is

resolved?8. Follow-Up What is required? When?