5 uaran Y ever av Another ate 2 - Bobbi Palmer, Date Like ... · Bobbi Palmer The Dating and...

25 Simple Steps to Guarantee You Never Have Another Bad Date

Bobbi Palmer The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 | www.DateLikeaGrownup.com | Happy as Clams, Inc. Copyright 2015®

5 Simple Steps to GuaranteeYou Never Have Another Bad Date

You’re looking for a lifetime partner with whom you can share deep connection, unconditional trust, mutual adoration and a lifetime of happiness, right?

Well, the beginning of every happily ever after love story starts the same way – with a first date. You can’t get “there” – feeling loved and adored everyday, knowing you have an interesting, fun, sexy partner to share your life – without “that” – a first date.

Do you look at dating as a necessarily evil? If so, I encourage you to see it through this different lens: Every date is a spectacular opportunity to bring you one step closer to your grownup love story!

5 Simple Steps to Guarantee You Never Have Another Bad Date gives you specific , real-life advice to help you make every single date count. And it’s specifically for you: The smart, grownup woman who is ready to bring lasting love into her life.

In my years of being The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40, I have seen hundreds of first dates between two compatible people turn into a big ZERO. No fun, no connection and no second date. I call that ‘date waste.’

I developed the FLIRT system for my coaching clients so they could avoid that nasty date waste. When you are with a single man who is attractive to you in some way (I assume that’s true because you’re on the date) I want you to grab all you can out of the experience!

You can always learn something about men, yourself and/or life. You can practice your dating skills. (Yes, most of us have to learn some skills to be a good dater.) You can take all the experience and wisdom you’ve gained as a grownup woman, apply it to your dating life, and make a lovely human connection...even if he doesn’t turn out to be The One.

Follow this system on every date. Not only will it improve the quality of your dates, it will crank up your emotional energy so you can get more joy out of dating. And you will soon be on your LAST first date!

http://www.DateLikeaGrownup.com



F= FIND what’s right. Start every date by finding at least three things you like about him. Did he show up on time? Was he nice to the waitress? Do you like his shoes? Focus first on his positive attributes, even (or especially) if you don’t feel instant attraction. You never know what you’ll realize if you pay attention to the positives rather than starting with what rules him out.

L= LET him know.Let him know what you like about him. Your kindness doesn’t make you vulnerable. Men like to be complimented as much as women do, yet we rarely give them that gift. Don’t wait for him to do it first. Tell him you like his sense of humor. Tell him yo u admire his great relationship his daughter. Or maybe that you respect how he’s found a career that he loves so much. Let him know that you appreciate him in some way. If you are interested in him, this is critical to getting your next date. If not, you will have helped him feel good about himself. There’s nothing wrong with that!

I= Be IN the moment. Be present on your date. Don’t compare him to men in the past, and don’t project into the future. Avoid that internal conversation about whether he could be The One, the dialogue in your head where you analyze everything he says or the attempts to figure out what he’s not saying. Stay in discovery mode and just experience what it feels like to be with the man you’re with. This is how you make good connections and good decisions about who you want to see again.

R= Be REAL. Being genuine is the ONLY way to attract the right man. Don’t twist like a pretzel to be what you think he wants you to be. You probably know by now that nothing positive comes from doing that. Instead, show him you are a woman who actually likes who she is and is looking for real connection with a good man. How? By putting down your protective walls and your “I’m just fine without a man” attitude and by just being the loving, imperfect, wonderful You. The right man will appreciate you, and the wrong one won’t. Perfect!

T= TELL him about yourself.Help him get to know you.Why would a man want a second date with you if he goes home knowing nothing about you? One reason this happens is because he’s done all the talking. (Yes, some men do talk endlessly on dates). This can be out of nervousness, because he’s trying too hard to impress you or because he’s just happy to have a lovely woman to talk to.This also can be because what you share only shows him how smart and accomplished you are. The thing is, you don’t have to prove this to him. He will see it, and the right man for you definitely wants that. But he also wants the other juicy, feminine, stuff. (Hey, he’s a man!)The truth is that women are better communicators than men. So, yes, make the effort to have a balanced, authentic conversation. Do that by using what I call your “nuggets.” These are important bits of information about you, such as what you’re proud of, what you dream of and care about or what you love doing. These are all things that help a man get to know things that matter about you. Again, this is how you attract the right man.You can learn more about nuggets here.

Here it is - your Flirt System


http://datelikeagrownup.com/2012/05/how-to-get-the-right-man-to-like-you/



It’s Time toMy client’s call me their compassionate truth teller. Someone has got to tell you the truth, and that someone is me. So here goes: No matter how well you follow the FLIRT system or how confident and smart you are, sometimes dates can lead to major disappointment.

You know the story: You go out on a first date, you laugh together, discover you have a lot in common and feel fantastic chemistry. He tells you he likes you and wants to see you again. He says he’ll call.

You feel that excitement. You start fantasizing about your next date, or two or three. You have a feeling you haven’t had in ages: Hope. Maybe it will finally happen for you. Maybe this is your last first date!

Then the phone doesn’t ring.

You wait.

You start wondering and analyzing.

You ask yourself “I wonder if he’s okay. Did I do something wrong? Was I dreaming that we had great chemistry? Should I not have talked about my ex? Should I have let him kiss me?” And down you go into the rabbit hole of whys and what-ifs.

As a dating and relationship coach, the number one question I get (and I get it EVERY day) is “Why Didn’t He Call?” (You see, no matter how old we are we still get stuck on this.)

And then the next question always is “Should I call him?”

Reject Rejection




Right here, right now, I am going to finally unravel the age old mystery of “Why didn’t he call?”

Here it is:

I don’t know.

Neither do you, and there’s a good chance we will never know. But, over the years I’ve talked to countless men about dating and relationships, so I’m going to give you my best educated guess about why guys say they want to see you again, and never call.

Toward the end of the date he was probably thinking “Hey, she’s nice looking, interesting and fun to be with. Yeah, it would be nice to see her again.”

And then, a day or later ...

“Oh look! Something shiny!”

That shiny thing could have been another woman, his job or maybe some family thing. It could have been the realization that you are nice and all, but not a woman who could be His One. Not because he found something wrong with you, but because something he learned about you doesn’t mesh with what he’s looking for.

Again, we will never know. But he found something he’d rather do, or he chose not to spend more time with you. So he’s moving on to live his life. After all, there were no commitments or promises exchanged. (No, I don’t see a man saying “I had fun, I’ll call you” after one date as a promise. Nor should the grownup You.)

The bottom line is that he didn’t call you back because he knows something you didn’t know: He’s not right for you. For some reason you are not His One.

Sure, it would have been super-extra-gentlemanly of him to call and tell you that he was moving on, but I don’t think he owes that to you. I also think that could be somewhat awkward for both of you, don’t you?

Now, please pay attention because this is important:

The guy who doesn’t call is most likely NOT a jerk or a liar.

So Why DID He SayHe’d Call if He Wasn’t Going To?




He didn’t set out to mess with you by telling you he would do something and then not do it. You weren’t imagining things when you thought he enjoyed your date – he did! And he probably did plan to see you again.

Then he changed his mind.

Meanwhile, you’ve started ruminating and down the rabbit hole you go. As days passed your hope and excitement turned to confusion and disappointment. You’re questioning yourself and his intentions. You’re wondering if you should call or text him because maybe he lost your number. (He didn’t.) And you’re probably pissed off – at him and maybe men in general.

Know what he’s doing now? He’s movin’ on toward his goal, Sister, with no clue that you’re feeling so crappy about the experience.




Grownup men understand (often better than women) that the whole point of dating is to meet a lot of people and make the best of it until the special one comes along.

After a date or two, if what a guy learns doesn’t make him feel a special connection, or if a woman blows him off by not answering his calls or texts (yes, we do that to men all the time),

a man doesn’t spend days wallowing in disappointment or trying to figure out what went wrong.

He figures she wasn’t a good match.

Most men get that this is what dating is about. He has something to accomplish, whether it’s finding a girlfriend, a wife or even just getting laid (yes, I understand that some grownup men only want sex) so he needs to simply keep moving forward until he finds what he wants.

Unlike women, most men have little or no interest in trying to fill in the blanks or force something to work that doesn’t seem to be right. It’s a waste of his time and energy. Men deal with facts: It didn’t work with her. There will be other opportunities. I’ll keep trying until “the hunt” is over.

This is exactly what YOU should do when he doesn’t call.

How About AproachingDating More Like a Man?




Okay, you say, maybe some men can do that, but it doesn’t seem doable for me. How do I STOP the woulda-coulda-shouldas?

Hold on, because I’m going to tell you exactly how.

#1. Have realistic expectationsI want you to stay positive in the belief that you will find that special man who will rock your world. But you also have to be realistic!

99% of the men you meet won’t be The One. That’s just a fact. So going on every date hoping “He’s the one” is not going to serve you at all.

You see? You will be setting yourself up for disappointment 99% of the time.

When you manage your expectations, you manage your frustration, disappointment and anger. And when you manage those feelings, you maintain your emotional and physical energy so you can continue to happily date until Mr. I Love You crosses your path.

(Remember...you only need one!)

And by the way, for all those guys who aren’t The One, they aren’t a waste of your time or energy. You can always have fun, learn something and, if nothing else, get more practice for when you do meet your One.

#2. Discover, Don’t Decide The purpose of dating is to DISCOVER whether he’s your guy, not to DECIDE if he’s your guy. That’s what a relationship is for.

You can’t really know a man after spending just a couple or a few hours with him. No matter how connected you feel after a date or two, the truth is that you know an infinitesimal amount of the information required to make a reasonable decision about his worthiness as a mate.

Pinning your hopes on a guy you just met is like starting a job and deciding on day one that you’ll commit your entire career to that company. You’d never do that, right?

Get Resilient t oStay Out of the Rabbit Hole




Dating is not unlike when you start that new job or get that new client: The beginning stages of the relationship should be about collecting information. You keep your eyes open and pay attention to all that’s going on. What do they expect of you? Are your expectations being met? Does it seem like a good potential fit for the long term?

Let’s say that during your dates you stay in discovery mode, aware that you are collecting information. You have a great date and, when you leave, you can tell yourself that what you’ve discovered SO FAR seems great. Sure, you can be feeling excited and hoping he calls. But you know you can’t decide that he could be The One. You just don’t yet know enough.

Then, if the guy doesn’t call, you’d be disappointed, but that’s it.

No rabbit hole.

No knocking you on your butt.

Just another part of your discovery. It’s new information that lets you know that he’s not for you.

Next!

#3. Take responsibility for showing up for every date as your very best self What if, when you ask yourself the “What did I do wrong” question, you could honestly say “Nothing?” Imagine knowing that you tried your best to have fun and you showed him the open, smart, kind, Real You. That’s all you can do, right?

You did nothing wrong. He just wasn’t right for you.




Here are my 3 Principles of Dating Like a Grownup:1. Balance your head and heart.

2. Show kindness to yourself and the men you meet.

3. Take responsibility for your actions and outcomes.

I’m sure you know that the purpose of dating isn’t to get a man to like you or to make a guy fit your expectations so you can finally say you found someone. It’s not about intuition or getting carried away with emotions like we did when we were teenagers. And it’s not about blaming men because you don’t have a partner.

While you may never know the exact reason a man doesn’t call after a great date, following my guidelines means you won’t have to waste time or emotional energy doubting yourself and trying to figure something out that you will likely never, ever know.

If he doesn’t call, you will know that you did nothing wrong. You used the Date Like a Grownup FLIRT system and set both of you up for the best possible date. You just weren’t a good match. Next! Don’t let self-doubt and “what ifs” keep you from moving forward to finding true love.

Your grownup love story is waiting!

What it Means toDate Like a Grownup




Bobbi Palmer is a 50-ish-year-old, joyfully married, proudly imperfect, open-minded, kinda short, often sassy, ebullient, critical thinking, optimistic, gentle-but-direct ex-corporate manager now CEO, coach and trusted guide who helps smart, accomplished grownup women (like you!) find and live their own grownup love story.

You can learn more about her, get a raft of helpful tips, guides, and information, and talk with a community of strong open women by joining her Grownup Girls’ Night Out free monthly coaching webcasts:

See you there...

About Bobbi

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5 uaran Y ever av Another ate 2 - Bobbi Palmer, Date Like ... · Bobbi Palmer The Dating and...

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