4 Purple Elephants

Don’t Think of Purple Elephants!

Step One

“The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.”

- Ben Stein b. 1944

I get what I want!

While writing this chapter I was sitting outside enjoying a beautiful Saturday morning on the lake. I very much enjoy my life and am happy. However, I can tell you that I have not felt this peaceful in some time. My wife and I love the Finger Lakes in New York and we plan to move there someday. We actually have a few plans to make this a reality, as I like backup plans and the ability to be flexible, as long as I get where I want to be. So, my wife and I are enjoying our Memorial Day weekend on the lake in a nice little cottage and it is because we knew what we wanted. We wanted to spend a week this summer on the lake with our kids as a family vacation and, after some research on the internet, we decided to take a day to go check out my findings and see what was available in our price range. It was the Friday before Easter and our plan was simple: to find a nice place on the lake that had enough room for us and all the kids, as well as a yard and swimming area. With these parameters in mind we drove around looking at the ones I found on the internet, looking for signs advertising cottages for rent, and writing down the phone numbers. Later that evening, on our way to a nice romantic dinner, my wife called some of the phone numbers and got prices. We hadn’t been able to see inside this cottage, see the yard, or see the beach area, and weren’t sure if it would

Don’t think of purple elephants! 34

work for us. The owner offered to show it to us the next morning. We loved it and thought it was perfect, so we booked it for the last week in June. While talking to the owner, I inquired if he rented it on weekends and he said he would. The weekend rental idea intrigued my wife and I, as we love to go up and spend the day, night, or weekend around the lakes whenever we can . Later that week we decided to rent it for Memorial Day weekend, made the call, and here we are. I can tell you that we wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for the simple concept that this chapter is about. “Don’t think of purple elephants” is based on principles that I have learned from my research in NLP and the law of attraction. It is an easy way to stay positive and focused on what you want; with the key being “what you want!” This is the first step and the start of your journey, because you need to know what you want. Even though the concept of knowing what you want sounds easy, it isn’t effortless. Your not knowing what you want results in your continued failed attempts at living the happy, successful life you want. Your lack of understanding prevents you from getting what you want.

“Work is either fun or drudgery. It depends on your attitude. I like fun.”

- Colleen C. Barrett b. 1944

It is important for you to realize that just because it sounds easy, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t take effort, too. You have actually, made things more complicated than they need to be. The reason for this is your lack of understanding and thinking that being happy and successful are effortless or impossible. When you don’t know what you want, then you are unable to find it. This chapter will educate you to know what you want and teach you how to successfully and consistently get it.

35 Happily, Ever After…

Ask yourself, What do I want? Don’t be surprised if it goes something like this, Well, I don’t want this or that. You are not alone. Several people struggle with not knowing what they want; they only know what they don’t want. Knowing what you don’t want is not the same as knowing what you want.

“When you think of failure; failure will be yours. If you remain undecided; nothing will ever change. All

you need to do is want to achieve something great and then simply do it. Never think of failure, for what you

think, will come about.” - Maharishi Mahesh Yogi 1918-2008

To be truly happy and appreciative of what you get out of life, then you need to know what you want. Think about it, if you don’t know what you want then you are likely to get what you didn’t want or you won’t know if you get what you wanted, because you didn’t know what that was! This is one of the reasons people think they know what they want and then aren’t happy when they get it. You have heard the warnings, “Money isn’t everything”; “The grass is always greener on the other side”; “Happiness comes from within”; “Be careful what you wish for.” These statements are true. If you don’t know what you want then you are not going to be happy; you will always be looking for happiness and what you want. When you think about what you want from the perspective of what you don’t want, then you won’t be satisfied for long: you won’t appreciate it, you won’t understand it, and it won’t change your attitude. When you understand what you want, you can develop a plan to get it and then you are happy when you get it. In my private practice, when I ask people what they want, 99.99% of the time they respond with what they don’t want. When someone comes in to become a non-smoker,


the answer is always something like this, “Well, I don’t want to smoke and I don’t want to smell like smoke and I don’t want to….” It doesn’t matter what they come to see me for, or if I have already explained how this concept works, they still tell me what they don’t want.

As previously discussed, your thinking becomes habitual, as with anything you repeatedly do. Your thinking then results in you automatically coming up with what you don’t want, as you have done this several times before. This means that you don’t understand the importance of the question, “What do I want?” Habits are hard to break. Once you train your mind and it becomes habitual, to change it you need to remain consciously aware of your thoughts. If you make an effort to consciously and consistently stick to it, you will be amazed at how easily you can change.

“To dream anything you want to dream. That’s the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that

you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To test yourself to test your limits. That is the courage

to succeed.” - Bernard Edmonds 1910-2003

How does it work?

Here’s how it works: regardless of your beliefs, you are attracted to what you think about and your brain doesn’t recognize the negatives. The example I use with clients is; If I were to ask you not to think of a purple elephant, what do you think of? This always gets a smile and a light bulb goes off. The reason is they think of a purple elephant. Your mind has to construct an image and think about it in order to not think about it. It’s the same idea anytime you use words like not and don’t; in order to understand what you don’t want you construct a mental image of it. This results


in the image being held constantly in your subconscious awareness and means you are continually thinking about it. Then you are drawn towards it and since you’re consciously telling yourself, no, no, it creates the internal battles you have as you try to change your life.

“I can teach anybody to get what they want out of life. The problem is I can’t find anybody who can tell me

what they want.” - Mark Twain 1835-1910

Another example for you: say this to yourself, over and over, slowly: I don’t want a glass of water, I don’t want a glass of water, I don’t want a glass of water, I don’t want a glass of water, I don’t want a glass of water, I don’t want a glass of water, I don’t want a glass of water, no water, no water no water, no glass of water, no glass of water, no water, I don’t want a glass of water, I don’t want a glass of water, I don’t want a glass of water, I don’t want a glass of water, I don’t want a glass of water,


I don’t want a glass of water. I don’t know about you, but now I want a glass of water.

In my mind, while I am saying, I don’t want a glass of water, I get an internal image of a glass of water and I even salivate for it. You have my permission to go have a nice cold glass of water, if you would like to. A glass of water is good for you. However, imagine all the things you struggle with that aren’t good for you and how you are repeatedly thinking about not wanting them. This results in your difficulties. When you think about something your mind generates images and sensations based on your thoughts, these result in your thinking that you want them and you are not satisfied until you get them. Since you are consciously aware that you don’t want to give in, you end up unhappy with your choices as you continue your cycle of frustration. This same idea relates to your success and happiness. If you are constantly thinking of being unhappy or failing, then you get it. If you are thinking, I don’t want to be unhappy or I don’t want to fail, it will result in the images and sensations associated with your unhappiness and failure. Your mind will habitually go back to this type of thinking and you will struggle. It then becomes a cycle you can’t break free of, mainly because you don’t understand it.

“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”

- Lewis Carroll 1832-1898

Now that you understand the reasons you avoid thinking about what you don’t want, you can fully appreciate the significance of thinking about what you do want. It is as simple as thinking, I don’t want to be unhappy vs. I want to be happy. Go ahead, take a moment and say them to yourself a few times. While you say them to


yourself, pay very close attention to the images, feelings, and thoughts you have.

Most likely while saying each statement you begin imagining what each one is or would be like, getting the images, thoughts, and feelings associated with this. This process is automatic and is constantly occurring. The process of creating images, thoughts, or feelings must happen so that your subconscious can make sense and understand before it develops a plan of action. The best way to think about what you want is to make it positive, be specific, think in the now, make sure it requires you to take action, be certain you want it, and think about how you will know when you get it.

Thinking about what you want

What you want must meet the following criteria: - Be positive

- Be specific - Be In the present or future - Involves you taking action to make it happen - You must be certain you want it - You need to know how you’ll know when you get it

Thinking about what you want in a specific, present tense, positive manner will help you develop (in your mind) a plan of action for achieving it. Knowing that you are certain it is what you want will allow you to put your plan into action. Finally, knowing how you’ll know when you get it will ensure you get it and appreciate it.

It is very important to follow these easy, yet powerful guidelines (positive, specific, present, self-fulfilling, unequivocal, and knowing when you get it), as they will guide you on your journey. Most importantly is the fact that it requires you to take action. If you want


something, then you need to go get it and not be dependent on others. You can control your thoughts and actions, but you can’t control others thoughts and actions, so relying on them for you consistent happiness is going to be disappointing for you.

Imagine you are a taxi driver and someone jumps in your cab. You say, “Where you headed?” and their response is, “I don’t know. Anywhere, but here.” Not making sense to you, you drive and attempt to get clarification. “So, do you know where you want to go, yet?” Their response is, “I told you I don’t care.” So, you take them 10 blocks up the road to a Starbucks. They get mad and say, “I don’t even like Starbucks. I didn’t want to go here!”

How do I implement this into my thinking?

“You tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something you don’t have, but

rather of recognizing and appreciating what you do have.”

- Frederick Koenig 1774-1883

The first thing you will need to do is to consciously think of what you want, in every situation. Start first thing every morning, even better before bed the night before. Before going to bed, think, How do I want tomorrow to be? Then when you wake up, think, What do I want today? Allow your mind to develop a plan and come up with concrete answers that satisfy the criteria. Then stay focused on achieving it. You will want to approach all situations with this new attitude and understanding: What do I want from work? What do I want from my friends? What do I want from my family? You will be surprised at how different your attitude will become and how much easier it is for you to accomplish things, which will result in your increased happiness and success.


It is simple! Although, at first, after several years of the opposite type of thinking, you will need to be consciously aware and make sure you are asking yourself, What do I want? and using the criteria to understand it. Commit to asking it and then catch yourself when you think of what you don’t want. When you catch yourself thinking in your old and un-useful habitual ways, you will want to correct this and shift your thoughts back to what you want. If you get, Well, I don’t want, then simply say, Ok, what do I want? and repeat it until you figure out what it is. Once you are able to start thinking this way, you will be surprised at how easy and good it feels to make your wants more powerful, understandable, and accomplishable.

You should imagine what it is you want and what it will look like, feel like, and sound like. Doing that will help you focus on it and help you understand what it is you really want. Even if all you want is to smile and enjoy your day, imagine smiling and going about your day enjoying it. Imagine what it will feel like to smile, what enjoying your day feels like. Imagine the different sounds you will hear. Imagine yourself saying, “Hi,” and greeting everyone you meet with a smile.

“When you know what you want, and want it bad enough, you will find a way to get it.”

- Jim Rohn b. 1930 Helpful hints

I will give you some helpful hints to make sure you succeed with implementing this step into your daily routine. Make sure that what you want is realistic. This doesn’t mean not to think big. However, if you do then you will want to think of the steps to get there and what you want out of each one. I want to live on a lake, that isn’t going to happen tomorrow, but it will happen. To me it looks like a beautiful sunset over the water, this sunset has bright


yellows, oranges, and purples around the sun. I hear the breeze as it rustles the leaves on the trees around me, the sounds of boats on the lake and kids laughing as they splash and play in the lake. I feel calm, which for me rises up from the center of my stomach into my head, it is a light and tingly sensation that brings a smile to my face.

My images, sounds, and feelings associated with what I want allow me to plan for how I can accomplish this, while enjoying the journey. So think as big as you want, although understand you still have to take action!

Be flexible. Being flexible will allow you to remain open to opportunities as they present themselves. Knowing what you want is only part of it. You need to plan your steps and allow for them to change along the way. Your flexibility will only increase your chances of success. You will also enjoy your journey, from where you are now to where you want to be.

Imagine: - The sights - The sounds - The feelings - The smells - The tastes

The cottage we got wasn’t available the week we thought we wanted to be away on vacation, although it was perfect in every other way, and our flexibility allowed for us to take advantage of the opportunity we had in front of us. This not only saved us some money, it also resulted in the opportunity to rent the cottage on weekends when it isn’t booked. In the end, our being flexible worked out much better for us.

If you really know what you want, then it isn’t going to matter very much the exact way you get it, as long as you get it. Now, it will matter if you get it in an unethical or


illegal way, but if you truly want to be a happy and successful person, then getting what you want in this manner isn’t even an option. Being open to opportunities in your life and being willing to pursue them is fun. It also results in your success. You will learn from your experiences and be focused on the positives rather than on the negatives. When obstacles or challenges present themselves, you will be prepared to handle them.

“Success is getting what you want and happiness is wanting what you get.” - Dave Gardner 1926-1983

You will want to think positively and what you want will need to be positive. If you have a desire to do something potentially harmful or damaging to someone, then ask yourself, What is that going to do for me? When you get the answer change your focus to getting what you want. For example, maybe you had a fight with a friend and now you want to prove them wrong. When you ask what that will do for you, you discover you want that person to respect your opinion and show them you know what you


are talking about. You can do that and you don’t have to “prove them wrong” or offend them in the process. Change your focus towards gaining respect and appreciation from this person and you will quickly discover ways to do this. The end result will be satisfactory to both of you and may even strengthen your relationship with them.

Think of it like this, what you put out is what you

get back. This takes place in the form of what you think and how you act. First, it is a guarantee that if you think negatively then you are going to get something negative back, especially since so much is based on perception and attitude. A negative attitude definitely affects your actions, eventually resulting in these actions being reciprocated back to you. With a negative perception you won’t see anything else and it will affect what you give. Thinking like this helps you realize that it is better to train yourself to have positive intentions and thoughts about yourself and others.

If you want to be truly happy and successful, then you need a healthy, positive attitude. One of the easiest ways to accomplish this is to think of what you want and how it will positively impact you and those around you. When you think about what you want like this, you will begin to appreciate and understand yourself and those around you in a different manner. Your new understanding will help you in obtaining what you want out of life.

Summary

“You must become the change you want to see.” - Mahatma Gandhi 1869-1948

Don’t think of purple elephants, or in other words, thinking about what you want is the most important first step in creating the life you want. The reason is that most of you think about what you don’t want and then act surprised when you get that. The simple fact is that your mind


formulates a plan to gain what you think about and then you automatically begin planning how to accomplish it. If you are thinking of what you don’t want, then your mind subconsciously plans to accomplish this. Since consciously you know you don’t want this negative outcome, you begin an internal battle with yourself and end up reinforcing your belief that you never get what you want.

How do you avoid this? Simply, you think about what you want, in every situation. You understand the fact that your mind subconsciously plans for what you think about and you consciously start to think only what you want. You do this with a positive attitude, intending to create happiness and success in your life. You also understand that your former way of thinking was habitual and the only way to correct it and develop new habits is to consciously be aware of your thinking. You then decide to catch yourself and correct your thinking. You know what you want and question your thinking when your answer is negative or what you don’t want.

Once you know what you really want then you can go get it. Just by saying, “I want to be happy today and smile at everyone,” you will be aware of this and drawn towards accomplishing it. Start small, practice while working your way up to bigger and bigger goals. The practice will increase your confidence and your success. Remember, knowing what you want automatically sets the process for your mind to plan accomplishing it. Remain flexible and open to opportunities. Have fun and get started, now! So, what do you want?


Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

- Author unknown

4 Purple Elephants

Documents

Transcript of 4 Purple Elephants