37 Proven Ways To Unlock Your Negotiation...

37 Proven Ways To Unlock Your

Negotiation Success

A Negotiation Ninja Special Report

Nancy Tilton Hand, JD

© 2010 Nancy T. Hand, JD www.negotiationninja.com 334.524.8437 2

Table Of Contents

37 Proven Ways To Unlock Your Negotiation Success 3

Fight or Flight? 3 What Do Great Athletes Know? 4 How To Prepare Before An Upcoming Negotiation 5 Build a Peak Performance State 5 Select Your Team Members or Helpers 6 Review And Understand The Contract Requirements 6 Know Your Proposal 6 Find Value In Your Proposal 7 Establish A Goal For The Outcome 7 Raise Your Expectations 8 Establish A Bottom Line For Every Contract Clause Or Issue 8 Consult An Expert If You Have Questions 8 Prepare For External Intimidation tactics 8 Discover Constraints Of The Other Party 8 Discover The Constraints Imposed on You 9 Organize And Prioritize Your Negotiable Issues 9 Estimate and Organize Their Top 5 Negotiable Issues 9 Estimate Their Objections And Prepare Countermeasures 10

Reconnaissance 10 Brainstorm With Your Team On Rapport and Strategy 10 Plan Your Negotiation Strategy 10 Future Pace The Negotiation 10

When You Are Caught In The Moment… 11 Tap & Rant 11 Tap In Power Words 11 The Tapping Points 12 Noise Removal Breathing 14 Soft Eyes 14 Reframe 15 Quick WFO 15 Brain Gym Exercises 16

“Look at an X” 16 “Brain Buttons” 16 “Cross Over” 16 “Hook Ups” 17 “Rub Your Ears” 17

Final Thoughts 18


37 Proven Ways To Unlock Your Negotiation Success

Are you letting the emotional rollercoaster of life keep you from getting the best deal possible? Life happens. We are all “busy” and chugging through to do lists, work, and everything else – usually without ever slowing down. Have you ever wondered how it’s affecting your deals, negotiations, communication and client relationships? Your state has a profound effect on all communications – written, spoken, and performed. It comes through in art, music, public speaking… Who hasn’t made a snap decision and acted out of in-the-moment frustration or anger, only to discover that it was a simple, correctable mistake? Who hasn’t faced the boss, spouse, customers, kids, clients, or vendors, at the end of a long, stressful day and wished it had gone differently? Yesterday I was talking to a friend told me that he “doesn’t negotiate”. While we were catching up he told me about some work he was having done on his house. It turns out, he and a contractor friend were exchanging services and while the contractor had done a stellar job on the kitchen floors, he had royally messed up the exterior paint job. It seems that they were not clear enough at the outset of their “deal” and are about to have to “re-negotiate” previously un-negotiated terms. So much for “not negotiating”! In the course of telling me about it, his voice tightened, he developed an edge and I could tell he was upset about it. How well do you suppose that negotiation will go for my friend – in such an emotionally charged frame of mind? Not just that, he didn’t have a clear idea of what his best-case scenario might be or how he was going to go about asking for what he wanted. He was going to let the other fellow make an offer…How many of us do this on a regular basis? You would be surprised! Fight or Flight When people are caught unprepared for negotiation, difficult conversation, or public speaking, they often go into “Fight or flight” response which can cause:

• Narrowing of focus (mental and physical), loss of the ability to see the big picture, • Vasoconstriction (blood pressure up, blood oxygen to brain down), • Homo-lateral thinking which means that the brain sometimes shuts down one

hemisphere. So one would be all “left brain” or all “right brain”, • It also can cause a controlling and fearful mindset and a switch from logical to

emotional decision-making – which is OK if you are congruent and in a powerful Peak Performance state but can be disastrous if you have a chip on your shoulder, a pounding headache, jet lag or low blood sugar…


What Do Great Athletes Know? Your Mental State (“State”) is everything! It’s the combination of your overall attitude, your mood in the moment, your congruence with yourself and your goal, your level of confidence, your intent, and your focus. It’s the mental game you bring to YOUR game – whatever that game might be. Great athletes prepare for competition both mentally and physically – knowing that both are equally important. State control is the difference between the performances of the Olympic Skater who won a bronze medal just four days after her mother died, and the Olympic Curler who broke down in tears and blamed the boisterous fans for her loss. I know whose coach I would want, how about you? Any great athlete, negotiator, executive, dancer, surgeon…can leave bad days, bad moods, and worries behind when they tune into their “game” and perform. That’s the mental game or State, which wins cases, tournaments, games, it’s the soul that gives the mechanics purpose. Even mild “Fight or Flight” response can really knock you off your game. This special report will show you a few easy ways to prepare a Peak Performance state before you need it, and a few that can help you when you’re “caught in the moment”. These few easy techniques can be used to keep you on your game or to help you reclaim it…they will improve your mental state and your chances of negotiation success. Use these techniques on the spot, in the field, and when you need them. For best results, practice these techniques when you don’t “need” them so that they will be automatic when you do! Like Forest Gump said, “One less thing… (to think about)”!


How to prepare before an upcoming negotiation Have you ever heard the term “Failure to prepare is like preparing to fail?” Preparation yields the single highest return on investment of any business activity. Surprisingly, it is often the most neglected. People are so anxious to “get things done” that they often overlook the benefits of thorough planning. It saves time, money, and effort. When you know you have an upcoming negotiation event, prepare! Here are some things you can do to get ready…

1. Build a Peak Performance State!

Your peak performance state is like “mental armor”. It allows you to have full access to your knowledge and resources while you get the job done. It prevents the negative moods of others and surprises from having any effect on your State. You can build a quick Peak Performance state by thinking of as many past successes as you can (of any kind) and tapping them out loud. This works really well, especially if you are short on time. Instructions on tapping and tapping points are listed on page 9. In the box below you will find a structured Peak Performance exercise that you can do when you want to build a really turbo-charged state. This exercise is especially great for final exams, planned negotiations, court appearances or public speaking. This exercise can be done alone or in groups of 2 with each person taking a turn as adventurer and coach. In this exercise the person coaching will talk the adventurer through the exercise.


2. Select Your Team Members or Helpers

Research has shown that negotiating teams are, on average, more successful than a solo negotiator. Teams are likely to spend more time preparing and take bigger risks.

3. Review And Understand The Contract Requirements or The Issue At Hand 4. Know Your Proposal

Ensure that it complies with the contract requirements. Sell yourself on it and be prepared to justify every aspect.

1. Think of an upcoming negotiation, performance, issue or challenge. 2. Imagine the situation from an associated perspective (looking out of your eyes). 3. What resources would help you to perform better in that situation? Calm? Patience?

Confidence? Creativity? A sense of fun?

4. When you have decided on which resource(s) you need, stand up and walk around for a moment. 5. Next, recall an experience in which you had the resources you need for this upcoming event.

Maybe a time when your performance was exceptional and you even surprised yourself with your abilities. This experience can be anything from hitting a tennis ball to writing a term paper to negotiating a contract. What matters is that the experience was amazing. Pick one specific experience that really satisfied you – not a category.

6. Take a moment and get into the memory. See, feel, and hear what you did at the time. Make

sure that you are associated in the memory. What do you see, hear, and feel?

7. Take a deep breath and intensify the experience.

8. When it is as intense as you can make it (and still feel good), touch your thumb and forefinger together.

9. Take another deep breath and choose a word or symbol you will use to represent the experience.

This is your “anchor”. See the symbol or say the word to yourself.

10. Release the anchor and break state.

11. Say the word or imagine the symbol to test the anchor.

12. If the anchor works, great. If not, repeat the process above.

13. Now, imagine the upcoming event or challenge and as you begin to access that experience, activate your anchor. What changes occur?


5. Find Value In Your Proposal

Price usually isn’t the only factor in a negotiation. Look for value outside of money like:

• Integrity • Credibility • Peace of mind • Helping the other side “sell” the deal to their people • Personal issues like time, ego, saving face in their organization • Technical requirements/specifications • Data requirements • Contract start • Contract financing • Method of payment • Delivery • Ownership of innovations

6. Establish A Goal For The Outcome!

Go for a win-win that fits the Well Formed Outcome criteria. A win-win or mutually beneficial outcome will result in more satisfied participants and deal stability. It will also help set a standard for future negotiations.

Well Formed Outcome:

• What do you want? • When do you want or need for it to happen? • Is it measurable or verifiable? • Is it achievable? Doable? Realistic? • Is it within your control? • What is the benefit of achieving it? • How will things be different when you have achieved it? • Is there a benefit to NOT achieving it?

How many different ways could your goal be achieved? Slice and dice it - come up with as many variations as possible.

Remember that a win-win outcome is a mutually satisfactory outcome and a mutually satisfactory outcome is a matter of perception. What would constitute a “win” for you? What would constitute a “win” for the other party? How can you make the criteria work together in your favor?


7. Raise Your Expectations

Studies have shown that people who aim higher achieve more in life and in work. High achievers monitor their work and measure it by benchmarks while low achievers would rather not know their standing.

State and congruence are the difference between high achievers and low achievers! One is prepared to ask for, and expects to reach his or her target goal. The other is unprepared, has no goal, weakly defends a position, and expects to get the short end of the stick.

When people have high aspiration levels, one “no” might not be enough to cause it to drop. However, several “no’s” in a row may cause a drop in their aspiration level and more willingness to compromise. This is a common negotiation tactic.

Be aware when this tactic is being used on you, remember your goal and hang on tight to your concessions.

8. Establish A Bottom Line For Every Contract Clause or Issue

For every material issue there MUST be a point at which you walk away.

9. Consult An Expert If You Have Questions

This is key. Your network probably contains people to whom you can turn for assistance and clarification of contract clauses. Use your resources!

10. Prepare For External Intimidation Tactics

Are you going to be negotiating in posh surroundings? Paltry ones? Will you be negotiating with the big boss who is sitting behind a big desk, smoking a big cigar (and trying to intimidate you)? Know where you will be negotiating and mentally prepare to do your job regardless of where you are or with whom you are negotiating. Remember your goal and remember that you are there because the other side wants/needs something from you. You have at least as much power in the negotiation as they do!

11. Discover The Constraints Of The Other Party

• What are their time limits? • What are their power limits? • How much money do they have to spend? • What is their best-case scenario? • How do they perceive your company/you?


• What is their bottom line? • Who do they answer to and what happens to them if the deal falls through? • How is their performance measured? • What do they have to bring back to their organization in order to face the

boss?

12. Discover The Constraints Imposed On You

Answer the questions in No. 11 (above) for yourself or your client.

13. Organize And Prioritize Your Negotiable Issues

Find the most important issues to your company and prioritize them by order of importance. Plan to spend more time on the most important issues and so on down the priority list. Make sure those issues are addressed to your liking before moving on lest they become the subject of a “quickie” negotiation at the end of the day.

Prioritize Issues. Rank potential negotiation issues in relative order of importance. After ranking, determine whether each issue is:

• Nonnegotiable issues These are the issues that cannot be concessions

because of their importance – these are the “deal breakers”. • Issues open to concession These are issues that have relatively low

importance but may be valuable to the other party and may be a good concession during negotiation.

14. Choose And Prioritize Your Concessions By Worth And Value

Value negotiating means that price is an issue, but not the only issue. What do you have that costs little but that brings big value to the other party?

Be stingy with your concessions and dole them out smallest first…Prioritize by:

• Cost to you • Value to Them

15. Establish And Prioritize The Concessions You Want From Them

What do you want from them? Organize and prioritize, ask for them starting with the biggest – smallest.

16. Estimate And Organize Their Top 5 Negotiable Issues

What are their goals for the negotiation? What do they want out of it? What do you think their best-case scenario is?


17. Estimate Their Objections And Prepare Countermeasures Objections are information, problems to be solved. They indicate that you have more work to do.

A good way to deal with objections is to inoculate them by predicting them and addressing the objection before the other side brings it up. Prepare several inoculations for known objections – have solutions ready.

18. Reconnaissance – Find Out About The People On The Other Side Of The

Table

Document anything you or your team members have learned about your negotiation partners, especially things that might help break the ice and build rapport – like how many children or grandchildren, hobbies, alma mater…

19. Brainstorm With Your Team On Rapport and Strategy

The more congruent you are with your team, the better work you will do together. When you have a plan “A”, “B”, etc…and know ahead of time when to activate your plans, things will run more smoothly. It will help you or your team remain calm and in a resource state.

20. Plan Your Negotiation Strategy

Compile all of your information and design a plan. How will you address certain issues? How will you bring your issues up? In what order will you address your issues and theirs? Where can you attach strings to your concessions to get more out of the deal? Decide a bottom line for every material issue. Be sure to prepare a few ways to walk away from the table that are graceful enough to allow you to re-open the negotiation later.

Brainstorm with your team about likely “wild cards” and what you will do if they arise. Find someone to be a Devil’s Advocate in a role-play.

21. Future Pace The Negotiation

Imagine being there in the negotiation. Find a quiet place and run the scenario like a movie in your head and see what happens, what wild cards come up? Where could you spend a little more time preparing? This should be done several days prior to the meeting.


When You Are Caught In The Moment… Sometimes there really is “no time to prepare” in the traditional sense. Sample scenarios:

• Called into the boss’s office – right before lunch • Waylaid on the phone by an irate “so-and-so” – it could be anyone from a

customer to a family member. • Waited until the last minute to begin preparation… • Crisis waiting for you when you arrive at work/home

This is a tougher spot. We cannot always predict what will happen next. What do you do when you are waylaid? If you can, buy a minute. Grab some coffee or water, run to the restroom and get your thoughts together. While you are buying a little time, here are a few things that can help you re-orient and focus. Tap & Rant

Tap while you rant or talk out your immediate fears. You can do it in your head it but out loud seems to work faster. This will diffuse any fear or panic enough for you to create a best-case scenario or at least a plan.

When I get caught on the phone listening to a friend in crisis, etc… I tap while I listen. It helps me to listen to them better, be more empathetic, not “take on” their troubles, and provide thought-out solutions when asked.

My husband uses this technique before talking to management at work and professors at school. This helps him relax and focus on the goal instead of on his worst-case scenario (which is where most of us go in our minds when we are caught off guard – it’s hard wired!).

I use this and use it with my clients when they are overwhelmed or frustrated about something. Sometimes that’s the best way to cull out the clutter and get to the real issue. So as you rant, no holds barred, about whatever has made you mad or somehow bothered you, tap. Tap the whole time you rant. Include all thoughts associated with this rant, it’s all relevant.

Tap In Power Words

This is the super quick way to switch your mindset – tap in power words. Simply say the words out loud and tap. Here are a few that come to mind…

“Power”, “ability”, “excellence”, “confidence”, “intelligence”, “resourceful”, “strong”, “calm”, “wise”, “trust”…


The Tapping Points: Here are the tapping points that you can use while you Tap & Rant. They are the same on both sides so it doesn’t matter which side you use. Tap firmly but not too hard! In the alternative, you can hold a tapping point while taking a deep breath. For your convenience, I have recruited husband Will (he’s a real trooper!) to pose for “Willustrations”.

1 – Top of the head

2 – Inner tip of the eyebrow, on the bone

3 – The bone on the edge of the outside of the eye

4 – On the bone directly under the eye


5 – Between the upper lip and nose

6 – Between the bottom lip and chin

7 – On the soft spot under the collarbone kind of close to the throat

8 – On the side of the ribcage where your bra strap might be

9 – On the outside of the hand about an inch below where your fifth finger starts –

also called the “karate chop” point


10 – On the insides (side closest to the thumb and body) of the finger at the edge

of the nail bed, on the corner where the white half-moon shape is located. These

points are great to use when you need to be covert!

Noise removal breathing

Any deep breathing is a good way to calm the central nervous system – especially if done with closed eyes. Dr. Win Wenger’s “Noise Removal Breathing” goes a step further with visualization. Look at his site for the more thorough version. Here is the Nancyfied quick version…

Close your eyes and imagine that dry leaves (symbols for tiredness, toxins, fears, worries, and stray thoughts) have accumulated in your legs and body. Then, as you take a deep breath, visualize drawing a breath up from your toes and with the breath come leaves floating up up up…

Exhale strongly from your mouth and blow the leaves out like burning sparks or fireworks.

Do this until you feel calm. Here is Dr. Wenger’s version: http://www.winwenger.com/part29-2.htm

Soft Eyes

Focus on the object of your attention and then expand your field of vision to include everything else. Opening up your peripheral vision has been shown to enhance calm, balance and “big picture” perception. It’s simple and effective! This type of vision is recommended for athletes because it increases their awareness and ability to predict their opponent’s moves.

These “daffodillustrations” show how your focus can shift as you go from tightly focused when you are under stress to perceiving the big picture when you are relaxed.


When you are under stress, you lose your ability to see the “big picture”. As you relax your vision, your perception of the situation also begins to change. When you relax, your mind can make sense of the situation and help you understand your role. Eventually, you will see the big picture and be able to make better decisions because you understand the situation in context.

Reframe

Take a minute to ponder the big picture. What do you want the long-term effects of the negotiation to be? I worked with a client the night before his major, court ordered custody mediation with his soon-to-be ex wife. He was ready for battle, certain that mediation would fail, and proclaimed his “ex” to be the devil – hell bent on taking him to the cleaners…

We talked for a little while about his young daughter and how he might like her life to be. He wanted for her to be happy, relaxed, well rounded, and have good role models for life and love.

He wanted better for her than he and his wife had experienced in their marriage. For that to happen, he and his ex-wife needed to craft a different kind of relationship.

Within a few minutes, his attitude changed. It dawned on him that this was not the end of his relationship with his ex-wife; it was the beginning of a new one. He realized that is was in everyone’s best interest for both parties to have a respectful co-parenting relationship and to move on and (hopefully) find loving stable relationships.


By the end of our conversation, he was committed to make the mediation process work because it was their last chance to avoid court and their only opportunity to set a precedent for future interactions and forge a bridge of good relations.

He reported that the all matters were settled in the mediation and that it went much better than he could have hoped. His attitude was contagious!

Quick WFO

Write down a best-case scenario! Even if it’s jotted down on your way to the meeting, it will help you focus. It’s better than nothing!

Brain Gym Exercises

These exercises are designed to balance the hemispheres of the brain. Here are a few that you can do before or during a negotiation. “Look at an X” Yes, it can be that simple. It causes your brain to cross over and it activates both hemispheres of your brain. You can even just draw one on a sheet of paper!

“Brain Buttons”

Improves blood flow to the brain and "turns on" the entire brain. Increased blood flow helps improve focus.

Place your index and thumb of one hand into the slight indentations below the collarbone on each side of the sternum. Press lightly in a pulsing manner.

At the same time put the other hand over the navel area of the stomach. Gently press on these points for about 2 minutes.

“Cross Over”

Any crossing of the midline prompts bilateral brain activity and coordinate right and left-brain by exercising the information flow between the two hemispheres.

Stand or sit. Put the right hand across the body to the left knee as you raise the left knee, and then do the same thing for the left hand on the right knee just as if you were marching.

You can also touch or hold the ankle or calf of one leg with the hand of the opposite side.


“Hook Ups”

This works well to calm the mind and improve concentration.

Stand or sit. Cross the right leg over the left at the ankles.

Take your right wrist and cross it over the left wrist so that your palms are facing one another and link the fingers so that the right wrist is on top.

Bend the elbows out and gently turn the fingers in towards the body until they rest on the sternum (breast bone) in the center of the chest. Stay in this position while keeping the ankles crossed and the wrists crossed. Breathe evenly in this position for a few minutes.

Switch sides and hold for a few more breaths. You will be noticeably calmer after breathing deeply in this position...

“Rub Your Ears”

There are said to be acupuncture points in the ear that correspond to the entire body. That is why rubbing them is a great way calm the central nervous system!


Final Thoughts These techniques will help you get into a more resourceful mindset so that you can make better decisions and better deals. Spend some time mastering these few techniques and watch your interactions become smoother, more satisfying, and more beneficial. Negotiation is a lot like dancing – everyone appreciates a good partner. As with dancing, negotiation takes practice. You will negotiate better “in the moment” if you have learned to do it naturally and automatically in your everyday life. Consider every negotiation (with your spouse, children, family, friends, teachers, bosses, co-workers) an opportunity to hone your negotiation skills. That way, when you really need them in the moment, they will be natural and automatic. I look forward to hearing from you about how you have used these tools! Stay tuned because there are many more secrets in the toolbox!! All The Best, Nancy Nancy T. Hand – The Negotiation Ninja – is available for private and group coaching, professional negotiation training, and Neuro-Linguistic Programming Licensure Training.

37 Proven Ways To Unlock Your Negotiation...

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