31 my reflections

Spandane – The Last Lecture Section I – My Life Story

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31 / My Reflections

Today I am on the verge of retirement and trying to make a Balance Sheet of what

I gained and what I lost in my Life. When I decided to make this accounting, first thought

that crept in my mind was of ‘Principles / Guiding stars’ which assisted me in my Life

journey. I learned these Principles from hard realities of world which I experienced since

childhood. I was brought up in a middle class family, spent my childhood in the shadow

of my father’s illness and in the threat of losing him shortly. Nevertheless these Principles

right or wrong helped me to fight my Life battle. I feel that my uneasy and disturbed

mind over the years has now settled down ☺ as the end is not far. I just thought to

document my Principles deep rooted in my mind. As it is, I am very fond of & good at

taking photos of ‘Reflections.’ This attempt is something similar to this.

1. Perspective :

One should look at the world with magnifying glass of the mind.

What you may see or hear may not be true. There is always some hidden bond/current

which we can’t realize instantly and hence you need to involve your mind in interpreting

your experience. I would say that there are three sides to the coin and not two as every

one feels. One has to make an attempt to realize the ‘third side’ of the coin which is

decisive in every experience.

2. Adjustment:

One should always try to adjust with life; otherwise he will be a fish out of water.

We cannot manage in this world without adjustment. Birth is not in our hands but we can

certainly influence as to how we want to live? There is no guarantee that things will

always happen as we wish. In fact, they never happen. You may not get what you want in

Life but you can certainly love what you get in Life. One should learn what is the

bottom line of adjustment, when to adjust and how to adjust.

3. Race:

Life is a race from birth to death. We should know how to complete the race. Slow &

steady approach wins the race. We must know how to adjust the speed according to the

circumstances.


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4. Appreciation:

One should not hesitate to appreciate. I have always observed that every body likes to

criticize others but they would avoid the situation when it comes to appreciate somebody.

However, you must appreciate from your heart. Everyone likes sweet talk. You should not

consider the status of the person while appreciating. Appreciation done at the right time

and in right proportion motivates the person in his future endeavours. Appreciation

should not be resorted to as part of politics or a mere formality. When somebody

appreciates, one should also learn to reciprocate. This important lesson is generally not

learned.

5. Point of view:

When you raise one finger, you should remember that three fingers are pointed at you.

It is necessary to follow the simple rule that one must think while criticizing as to how he

had behaved in similar circumstances or at that age. What logic was resorted to? One

should be able to focus our mind in every circumstance. It is said that a person staying in

a ‘Glass house’ should not throw stone at others.

6. Quit:

One should know when to stop.

As one should know as how to complete the Life’s race and at what speed, one should also

know when to stop. One must plan retirement. You should retire at a time when

somebody would ask you as to why you are retiring rather than some body asking when

you are retiring. The word ‘STOP’ should be interpreted in wider perspective. The word

should be in the backdrop of your mind when you are scolding your assistants, kids, while

eating, whenever angry, while enjoying, resting, accumulating wealth, donating etc.

Practically in every sphere, you should know when to stop because excess of every thing

is bad for us. ☺

7. Direction:

One should always try to select the right path.

In our Life journey, we come across two roads ahead of us. We must make every attempt

to select the right path depending upon circumstances, pros and cons of the situation. If we

can’t decide then we should not hesitate to take opinion of someone who knows us deeply.

However it is necessary to have faith in that person and ability to decide. Once you decide


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then it is necessary to stand by your decision. Your mind should not flicker with initial

outcome. One stands to lose more by changing decisions quickly.

8. Relaxation:

One should know the Art of Relaxation.

We should find out what relaxes you and having known this, we must enjoy the

relaxation. Most of our time is spent in discharging our duties appropriate to the age.

In childhood & middle age, we spend more time for studying, and then we spend more

time in office or profession and also for the family. Even then we must nurse our

childhood hobbies. In fact I would say that we should not loose our childhood and

should preserve child instinct in old age. We must remember that the ways & means of

relaxation would vary from person to person. According to me, any activity which is not

your primary activity is the activity of relaxation. Once you form the habit of relaxation,

your performance is bound to improve.

I have nursed many hobbies such as Astrology, Graphology, Medical reading,

Photography, Music, counseling of senior citizens and of young generation, interpretation

of body language etc. I have been relaxing from my professional work with these

hobbies carried out consistently. I have shared my knowledge & my hobbies in my

website ‘www.spandane.com’ for the benefit of the public.

9. Approach:

Open approach helps in Life.

Inspite of my knowledge and education, I never took the stand either in the Office or in the

Family that I am wise and rest are fools. I mixed with people by understanding their

position, status and on an equality complex. I never give opinion without understanding

all the sides of the issue.

10. Saving:

Saving should be the first charge on income.

Since childhood I learned the Art & Necessity of Saving. My father had a unique

definition of saving as Income Less Saving = Expenses. We learned the real meaning of

this philosophy when he was nearing his exit from this world. He was drawing a salary of

Rs.800/-pm out of which he had offered deduction of Rs.200/- towards PF and he would

do part time typing job to make good the shortfall in household expenses.


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Typically I have witnessed slow and steady rise in the cost of living over my life. If I

would not have followed this formula, I could not have nursed the dream of early

retirement from the profession on my terms.

11. Approach to Life:

One should face Life realities with a smiling face. ☺

We can dream about happiness but technically we have no control on these dreams.

We can only try our level best and leave it to God to do justice. Ultimately GOD decides

your happiness and problems. His decision is final. He does not give what you want.

At the same time he gives something which you have not demanded or requested. Change

is part of life. We have no choice but to accept the change, good or bad. We must see to it

that you will not compromise on your peace of mind in the process. Every one faces

problems in Life and every one feels that his problem is the worst of the lot. Friends, but it

is not so. If one looks at the problem peacefully, one can still think of ways & means of

fighting it out.

12. Real wealth:

Wealth can purchase tangible goods but not peace of mind.

All tangible goods can be purchased with wealth but not the peace of mind. A rich person

is not one who has everything but a person who does not need any thing. A person with

a balanced mind, having peace of mind, detachment from material pleasures can be called

a rich person.

13. Risk:

One must acquire the skill to take calculated risk.

Every activity in our Life is full of risk. In fact, we unknowingly undertake risk even in

breathing. We inhale whole range of impurities with every breath but still we don’t fall

sick very often. We fall sick only when the germs find our body condition suitable for

growth. We are forced to undertake risk from the moment we leave the house for work.

But we get so used to this, that we don’t realize the risk. In Life, risk is associated with

every decision we take. Hence decision should be taken after considering pros and cons of

the issue. Once decision is taken then we should stand by it. If we have a wavering mind

and keep changing the decisions, then we will be the loser in the process. At times we are

not confident while taking decision in spite of logical, practical, technical analysis.


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We must seek the advice in such situation from an expert who ‘can’ have unbiased

approach to decision making. However we must hear our ‘inner voice’ and take the final

decision accordingly. If your ‘gut’ feeling does not permit then drop the decision.

14. Work ethics:

Any work should be carried out with involvement & sincerity. The mental satisfaction

you get in the process can not be equated in monetary terms.

Any work should be done sincerely, honestly and with involvement of mind and body.

No work is small. Every work has its own dignity. The only difference is that each work

or job demands different skills & education and experience. Hence one is essentially a

service provider irrespective of his designation.

15. Signal:

One should not ignore ‘Signals.’

Let me share one secret with you. If you want to avoid the problems and sorrows in life,

then you must learn to identify signals. You may not identify every signal in physical

form. Many signals can be felt such as change in tone of the boss, behaviour of the

colleagues, wife’s changed face, worries hovering on the face of your parents,

mis-behaviour of your kids, minor health problems (indigestion, acidity, insomania etc.)

16. Equilibrium:

Everyone should master the ‘balancing act.’

We must achieve equilibrium in Life to be successful. We should learn what a joker does

in the circus to reach the equilibrium irrespective of the nature of problems or fight

between principles or participants. (Say between boss and assistants, wife and mother etc.)

It is possible to achieve equilibrium only if you take into account the third side of the issue,

which generally gets ignored.

17. Education:

One should study regularly to avoid burning the mid-night oil.

Clarity and consistency is most essential if we want to be successful in Life. These

attributes are required in every sphere of life. It helps to reduce tension in the long run.

Just imagine a student studying regularly appears for the examination confidently and is

not bothered about the results. A person who does office work regularly according to


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priority is always tension free. We should remain as ‘Student’ all through Life because one

can learn from practically any one provided your mind is open.

18. Barriers:

One should always try to break all ‘out dated barriers’ in life.

We stay in a society and try to follow the rules, regulations, conventions of the society.

In fact every person is at the centre point of his ‘Society’. We generally think of the society’s

reaction whenever we wish to deviate from its rules & conventions. If we are weak minded

then we do not indulge in deviation at all. But it’s time to have rethinking on many

outdated customs, blind faith, beliefs which are followed blindly by all classes

irrespective of education, wealth, age etc. We must try and unearth the new meaning of

the Customs and if convinced and if not causing any disturbance to others, then we must

become the Trend setter. Have confidence that one day the same society will adore you.

My experience is great in this matter. Let me share the secret. A person like me highly

qualified & working as Top level executive married a widow and adopted two kids, way

back in 1984. Today my son and daughter are well settled in Life. No doubt we had

problems initially but more so due to interference of relatives but our concept was clear

and hence we could swim in the rough water.

19. Communication:

One must constantly make an attempt to minimize communication gap.

Most of the dispute happens because of improper or no communication. You should mean

what you say but you may not say what mean unless called for. We can communicate by

speaking, body language, handwriting etc. However there should be unity in all these

forms. It is the responsibility of every generation to bridge the gap.

20. Ladder:

One should not throw the ladder after reaching on Top.

We all play snakes & ladders game in our childhood. You will realize that contribution of

the society (our family being the integral part) in our development is invaluable.

This debt can never be repaid in full. Any animal baby stands on own legs shortly after

birth and takes its own care shortly. However a human being takes 20-25 years to stand on

own legs in true sense of the term. During this period every one including parents,

teachers, relatives, family members offer their own ladder of knowledge, finances etc. to us


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with a sole intention of making us successful in Life. When ever you get promotion, don’t

think it as your victory. This is the victory of all those who have contributed to your

success and you are receiving this recognition on their behalf.

Some how, I have a bitter experience in this matter. Persons after getting assistance from

me failed to acknowledge it. They took undue advantage of my kindness. Still I continued

my mission of offering helping hand to needy people. I made it a point to share my

knowledge.

21. Transaction:

We should not sell our knowledge for unethical acts.

We must use our knowledge and education for the benefit of the society. But the real

picture is other way round. Knowledge and education is being used for accumulating

wealth. We have all along tolerated political leaders /workers for this. But the sad story is

that even professionals, intellectuals have also joined this band wagon. No service

provider wants to be left out of this scenario. With the result, quality of management is

deteriorating day by day because they have full confidence that somebody would ignore

their shortcomings for a ‘price’. No doubt, there are exceptions to this rule and in fact

India has made progress on all fronts due to single handed efforts of such honest

persons. However this work scenario makes things difficult for a sincere worker. I have

faced this music for cultivating good qualities such as sincerity, involvement, working for

the interest of the organization rather than the person etc.

22. Fault Finding:

One should leave the habit of finding fault with every matter.

There is a natural tendency of a human being of finding fault. It is necessary to win over

this defect. Nobody is perfect. Every one has some bad qualities or the other. Few people

do self analysis and try to win over these bad qualities. But every one may not be

successful in his efforts. Hence it is the responsibility of parents, teachers, bosses and

elders to pinpoint the deficiencies of person. However care needs to be taken that a person

doesn’t get hurt in the process. One can induce/appeal to him by highlighting his good

qualities. The advisor should also think as to how he himself had behaved under similar

circumstances and at that age.


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23. Work ethics:

One should concentrate on one matter at a time.

At every stage one must realize what is the call of the day? What are his priorities in life?

What are his duties and responsibilities? One must know, what to delegate & whom to

delegate? Differentiate between important and urgent activities.

24. Wining Stroke:

We cannot always get best of everything every time.

It is worthless expecting that we will get every thing we dream or want in Life. In fact it

never happens. Very few people can digest this truth. Success and failure are two sides of

the same coin. We should not lose balance in these situations. Every happiness and

pleasure you get in Life has a ‘cost.’ Think about it to realize this. At times experience of

failure makes you stronger person. One must also taste the failure in Life to enjoy the

relieved feeling. Success is likely to make you arrogant.

25. Magic:

Every one is bestowed with magic stick, realization of which is essential for success in

life.

We generally carry out ‘SWOT’ analysis of ourselves. However each one of us is bestowed

with a ‘Secret Energy’ and it is the responsibility of the family members, teachers to make

the person aware of this secret energy. In difficult times, this secret energy comes to our

rescue.

We set our educational goals, make all out efforts to achieve the same. It is also necessary

that we must do the job or carry out the profession-occupation which would demand

our educational knowledge. You must have observed that many people compromise on

this concept of utilization of educational expertise achieved and take any job for earning

money. Under such circumstances, do you think it is possible for them to give justice to the

job?

26. Approach:

Our hands should be clean irrespective of any act.

Our behaviour should be in line with our primary objectives of Life (Swa-dharma).

We get this swa-dharma by birth and education. It is our duty that nobody should get

opportunity to raise their finger for our failure of discharging swa-dharma. Similarly, we


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should not resort to corruption in discharging our duty. One may attempt to avoid

inward corruption but what about outward corruption? Many times corruption is

resorted to due to nuisance value of bureaucrats. Bureaucracy has no alternative in

democracy and no body is afraid of penalties. India can make still better progress if

corruption is buried successfully. (Refer my views on corruption)

27. Labour:

One should take pride in doing household chores.

You cannot classify any work as small or big. Our reputation is not spoiled if we do

household chores or do our own jobs. Have you at any time enjoyed this experience of

offering a helping hand for household work? In fact your spouse may not allow you to

work because she won’t like her husband doing household chores. You can learn many

things if you observe your wife working in the kitchen. Woman is the first ‘Management

Guru’. (Refer my Spandane Article ‘PERT-CPM’) Try to remember how your mother was

managing the show with limited finances? You cannot value her efforts in monetary terms.

(Also refer my Spandane Article ‘Suffocation’). You must offer your helping hand as a

salute for her contribution towards the well being of the family.

28. Punctuality:

We must decide Priorities in Life and accordingly do Time Management. Your success in

Life depends on doing right thing at the right time and in right proportion. Our

approach should be modified according to changed scenario. If we adhere to the deadlines,

then most of the tensions in life can be greatly reduced.

29. Retrospect:

One should form the habit of retrospection.

One should form the habit of evaluating gains & losses on reaching the milestone in Life.

This analysis would help you to decide the further goals, what should be avoided etc.

30. Self realization:

Your success in Life depends on realization of one’s limitations.

It is necessary to know the limitations along with strong points. The knowledge of our

limitations will enable you to keep your feet firmly on the ground. Your behaviour will

never get spoilt by instant / easy success.


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31. Goal:

One should always set a noble Goal in Life & make an all out effort to achieve it.

No doubt that we should set lofty goals in Life. But our all round development of

personality, social service, helping needy persons, creating good family ties, maintaining

good health, keeping peace of mind, making good friends should also find place in your

GOAL setting. You are bound to earn enough money if you work sincerely and honestly

and hence to earn handsome money you need not keep a separate target. To work

honestly and sincerely without corruption (financial or intellectual) should be the main

target. To become the good citizen of the country should be the highest goal which

every one should pursue.

32. Pack Up:

Nobody knows as to when you will get the invitation to visit heaven or hell. ☺

Every one is afraid of ‘death’. People hesitate to utter this word in the house. Hence

preparing for death is just impossible. I spent my childhood in the shadow of death of my

father. He was suffering from Diabetes and his days were numbered. I still remember his

efforts taken for the family inspite of his poor health.

I suffered serious accident in 1996. I had an undiagnosed fever in December 1998. I am still

trying to fight and enjoy Life. I never realized as to when my mind died due to childhood

circumstances. Still I am living considering every night as a last night and every morning

as one more day to live. I am mentally ready to quit. I have already donated my eyes,

finalized my wealth papers, giving serious thought to donating body. For many years,

I have been parlaying God to lift me on completion of 60 years.

It is quite likely that you might get bored with reading these Principles. But you can

also make a similar attempt to unearth your principles. It is a necessary exercise one

should do in Life.

You will notice the reflections of above principles in my writing and you would be able to

get some idea about my personality.

If you can get the rhythm of your life after reading this, I would feel that my efforts are

rewarded. God bless you.!!!!


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Let me sum up the discussion with Few Tips for Living a Happy LIFE.

We have to bear with Life problems and difficulties as Birth is not in our hands.

We have to follow the changes that take place in the world/society and adjust with it.

We must decide when to stop. (take macro meaning)

We should render social service according to our capacity along with

service/occupation/profession.

We should face the difficulties with the smiling face. We should keep our sorrows in mind.

But we should try to make others smile. ☺

We should always remember the help rendered by every one in our Life. We should not

throw the ladder on reaching to the top.

We should be always ready to say good bye to this world.

We should tolerate people, circumstances to the extent possible.

We should aim to leave the world happily.

31 my reflections

Lifestyle

Transcript of 31 my reflections