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29 Creative Conversation Strategies For The Shy

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Copyright © 2019 “29 Creative Conversation Strategies For The Shy”

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Published by BetterYOUniverse.com

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This book is not intended for use as a source of legal, business, accounting or

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in legal, business, accounting and finance fields.


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Contents. Why Learning Conversation Strategies Is Good & Important?....................................................... 5

How Reading This eBook Will Help You? ........................................................................................ 7

Mistakes In A Conversation. ........................................................................................................... 9

29 Points On Conversation Strategies. ......................................................................................... 14

1. Embrace Your Inner James Bond .......................................................................................... 14

2. Let People Talk About Themselves ....................................................................................... 15

3. Online Chatting Is Your Friend .............................................................................................. 15

4. Do Not Forget To Take Some Time For Yourself ................................................................... 16

5. How To Manage/Survive Parties ........................................................................................... 16

6. Find Your Go-To-Guy/Gal ...................................................................................................... 17

7. Reduce Anxiety ...................................................................................................................... 17

8. Be Purposeful ........................................................................................................................ 18

9. Channel Your Curiosity .......................................................................................................... 18

10. Ask Questions ...................................................................................................................... 18

11. Add Juicy Tidbits .................................................................................................................. 19

12. Deepen The Conversation ................................................................................................... 19

13. Recognize Cues .................................................................................................................... 20

14. Be Kind To Yourself ............................................................................................................. 20

15. Share Details About Yourself ............................................................................................... 20

16. Dare To Be Honest ............................................................................................................... 21

17. Be Open To Intimacy & Don’t Fear The Controversial ........................................................ 22

18. Talk Like A Person, Not An Expert ....................................................................................... 23

19. Talk About Travel................................................................................................................. 23

20. Make It About Them, Not You ............................................................................................ 24

21. Raise Famous Moments From The Past .............................................................................. 25

22. Focus On Asking Meaningful Questions .............................................................................. 25

23. Project Confidence .............................................................................................................. 26

24. Try Different Topics ............................................................................................................. 27


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25. Be Prepared ......................................................................................................................... 29

26. Smile With Your Eyes........................................................................................................... 30

27. Share Positive Experiences .................................................................................................. 30

28. Share Your Mistakes ............................................................................................................ 31

29. Practice Makes Perfect ........................................................................................................ 31


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Why Learning Conversation Strategies Is Good & Important? We can make a difference by building community and caring for the common good — through

conversation! Conversation? Yes, talking with others builds your health, happiness and longevity.

But conversation is on the decline. Texting, e-mailing, and tweeting just don’t give the same

emotional benefits as having a good talk. Real conversation means taking time to stop and chat

with people, having people over, supporting your local stores where you get to know the owners.

And it means taking stock of your conversation skills. Our competitiveness has bled into our

conversation. We compete for attention, trying to turn the conversation to ourselves rather than

listening to the other person. Some dominate, hogging most of the air space. Others rather than

just connecting as friends and equals, argue in order to impress others.


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Your purpose, when you converse, is not to win; it is to help the other person feel that you respect

them, enjoy them, care for them and support them. The goal is to connect.

Here are a few more reasons that even the most introverted among us should seek out someone

to talk to at some point every day.

▪ Good things come in small packages. Small talk makes us better problem-solvers. So

chatting about the delightful weather with Susan in accounts, or recounting your

weekend to Bobby from marketing could actually be as beneficial as doing a cross-word.

▪ We’re not infallible. Take a leaf out of 19th-century philosopher, John Stuart Mill’s book.

By opening ourselves up to discussion of new ideas and opinions – even ones that we

disagree with – we get a deeper understanding of topics and issues that we might

otherwise take for granted.

▪ Social support. Conversation gives you social support. Whether you talk to your family

members, friends or colleagues for advice-giving or information-sharing, this process

helps you put things in perspective. Putting this in perspective can help you build

resilience and can allow you to cope better with things when they don’t go as planned.


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How Reading This eBook Will Help You? This eBook will help you understand the importance of having conversations and how you can

make yourself more likable and trustworthy. The eBook has been designed to help reduce

misunderstanding and strengthen relationships between people.

If you’ve ever had a conversation with someone and walked away feeling as though you

immediately liked them and trusted them, it probably had something to do with the way they

managed the conversation. Likely, they made the conversation heavily about you, and you felt as

though they honestly cared about what you were telling them throughout the conversation.


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This may have been conveyed through simple means like actually remembering your name, or

through more complex means like asking you appropriate and relevant follow up questions to

the topics you brought up with them. The great news is you can have this very same effect on

people with just a little push in the right direction. By practicing some of the conversation tips

and strategies mentioned in this eBook, you’re likability and trust factor may just skyrocket — so

get ready to impress everyone around you.

Misunderstandings happen due to miscommunication, lack of communication, difference of

opinions, unlike-mindedness, and the ways of thinking. This eBook can help you clear out these

misunderstandings and teach you that LOVE is the answer to these misunderstandings.

There are many suggested ways to avoid misunderstanding in any kind of relationship – it could

be within friendship, marriage, family, official or any other. LOVE can help you prevent

misunderstanding from taking place.

▪ L – Listen intently.

▪ O – Observe carefully.

▪ V – Verify your thoughts.

▪ E – Evaluate your observations.

This eBook will teach you to be honest to others. Apologizing when you make a mistake and

admitting that you aren’t always perfect will not only make you feel better but will also help

strengthen your relationship.


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Mistakes In A Conversation.

1. Not Listening

Ernest Hemingway once said:

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people

never listen.”

Don’t just wait eagerly for your turn to talk. Don’t be like most people. Put your own ego on hold

and learn to really listen to what people are actually trying to saying.

When you really start listening, you’ll pick up on loads of potential paths in the conversation.

Avoid questions that result in a yes or no answer as they will not give you much information. If

someone mentions about going golfing with a couple of friends last weekend you can for instance

ask:

▪ What do you like most about golfing?

▪ Who is your favorite professional golfer?

▪ Are there any other activities to do there besides golfing?

▪ Where did you go golfing?

▪ What did you do there besides golfing?

Questions like above allow the person to delve deeper into the subject and giving you more

information to work with and more paths for you to choose from.

Don’t give up if they say something like “I don’t know” at first. Prod a little further and ask again.

They just have to think about a bit more. The conversation becomes more stimulating because

it’s not on auto-pilot anymore once they open up.


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2. Asking Too Many Questions

The conversation can feel like a bit of an interrogation if you ask too many questions. Or like you

don’t have that much to contribute. One alternative is to mix statements with questions.

Continuing the conversation above you could skip the question and say:

▪ Nice. We went out in my friend’s boat last month and I tried these new lures from. The

green ones were really great.

▪ Yeah, it’s great to relax over the weekend with your friends. We like to take beer out to

the park and play some Frisbee.

The conversation can then flow on from there and you can discuss Frisbee, your favorite beer or

the pros and cons of different lures.

3. Tightening Up

When you are in conversation with someone you just met or when the usual topics have run out,

an awkward mood or silence might appear. You might just become nervous and you may not

even the reason behind it.

Never leave home without catching up on the latest news on the TV or through reading the

newspaper. You can always start talking about the current news if you’re running out of things

to say. It’s also good to stay updated on current water cooler-topics such as the latest gadgets or

TV series.

Comment on that one girl’s cool Halloween-costume, or the aquarium at the party, or the host’s

mp3-playlist. A new conversation about something in your surrounding can always be started.

Assume rapport. If you feel weird or nervous when meeting someone for the first time assume

rapport. Imagine the feeling you have when you meet one of your best friends. Don’t overdo it

though, you might not want to kiss and hug right away. You’ll go into a positive emotional state

if you imagine this rapport happening in your mind. And you’ll greet and start talking to this new

person with a smile and a relaxed and friendly attitude. Because that’s how you talk to your

friends. It might sound a bit too simple but it really works.


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4. Poor Delivery

One of the most important things in a conversation is not what you say, but how you say it.

Changing these habits can make a big difference since a vital part of communication is your body

language and voice. Some things to think about:

▪ Slowing down. It’s easy to start talking faster and faster when you get excited about

something. Try to slow down as it’ll make it much easier for people to listen and for you

to actually get what you are saying across to them.

▪ Speaking up. If you want people to hear you, don’t be afraid to talk as loud as you need

to.

▪ Speak with emotion. If you speak with a monotone voice, people lose interest and stop

listening. Let your feelings be reflected in your voice.

▪ Using pauses. Slowing down your talking plus adding a small pause between sentences

and thoughts creates a bit of anticipation and tension. Pauses will make people listen

more attentively to what you’re saying.

▪ Your delivery can be made a lot more effective if you learn a bit about improving your

body language. Read about posture, laughter and how to hold your drink in various ways

to improve your body language.

5. Hogging The Spot-Light

Everyone involved in a conversation should get their time in the spotlight. Don’t interrupt

someone when they are telling their view or some anecdote on what you are discussing in order

to divert the attention back to yourself. Don’t hijack their story about golfing before it’s finished

to share your best golfing-anecdote. Find a balance between talking and listening.

6. Having To Be Right

Avoid having to being right about every topic. A conversation is often not really a discussion. It’s

more of a way to keep a good mood and feeling going around. No one will be that impressed if

you win every conversation. Instead just relax and help keep the good vibes flowing.


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7. Talking About A Weird Or Negative Topic

If you’re at a party or somewhere and you are just getting to know people, you might want to

avoid some controversial topics. Talking about your bad relationships or health, your crappy boss

or job, gangs and serial killers, technical lingo that only you and some other guy understands or

anything in general that sucks the positive energy out of a conversation are topics that you need

to steer clear from. You might also want to save politics and religion for conversations with your

friends or people that you already have had such conversations with.

8. Being Boring

Don’t chatter on about your new house or car for 10 minutes oblivious to your surroundings.

Always be prepared to drop a subject when you see that people are getting bored. Or when

everyone is getting bored and the topic is starting to run out of steam.

Simply lead an interesting life in order to have something interesting to say. Focus on the positive

stuff and don’t start whining about your job or boss, people don’t want to hear that. Instead, talk

about your last trip somewhere, ,some myth you saw being busted on TV, some funny anecdote

that happened while you were buying furniture, your plans for New Years Eve or something funny

or exciting.

Knowing a little about many things or at least being open to talk about them instead of trying to

steer the conversation back to your favorite subject is a nice quality.

Not clinging desperately to one topic and opening up a bit will make the conversation feel more

open and relaxed. You will come across like a person who can talk about many things with ease.

This quality can make you connect to that person easily and is something that you appreciate in

a conversation.

9. Not Reciprocating

Open up and share how you feel, say what you think. If someone shares an experience, open up

and share one of your experiences as well. Don’t just stand there nodding and answering with

short sentences. Do not let others feel that their investment in a conversation is going to waste.

You can’t always wait for the other party to make the first move. Be proactive when needed and

be the first one to invest and open up in the conversation. One way is by replacing some questions

with statements. It makes you less passive.


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10. Not Contributing Much

Even if you feel that you don’t have much to contribute to a conversation, try anyway. Really

listen what the others are saying. Ask questions and make relating statements.

Open your eyes too. Develop your observational skills to pick up interesting stuff in your

surroundings to talk about. Expanding your view of interesting things in the world will help you

develop your personal knowledge-bank. Read the newspapers and keep an eye on new water

cooler-topics.

But take it easy. Don’t do it all at once. You’ll just feel overwhelmed and confused. Instead, pick

out the five most important things that you feel need improving. Work on them every day for

about a month. Notice the difference and keep at it. Slowly but gradually, your new habits will

soon start popping up spontaneously the next time you are in a conversation.


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29 Points On Conversation Strategies.

1. Embrace Your Inner James Bond

One of the hardest things to do for an introvert is to start a conversation. You might spend entire

minutes thinking of the perfect opening line, the golden icebreaker, that one thing that will make

you sound amazing and cool… but it does not exist. Which is not your fault, by the way: there

literally is no perfect opening line. Whenever extroverts start a conversation, they do so with the

‘boring classics’: “hey, how are you?”, “how have you been?” “man, it is chilly in here, is it not?”

(or basically anything related to the current temperature or weather).

Do not take my word for it, go check it out for yourself. One golden tip for introverts is to closely

listen to other people starting and having a conversation. Listen to what they say, see what they

do, memorize and try for yourself. Extroversion is like another language, you learn it best by

imitating and practicing with native speakers. It is actually kind of cool; you are like a spy, trying

to figure out everything about the enemy so you can blend in perfectly (just do not refer to your

future friends as ‘the enemy’, though).


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2. Let People Talk About Themselves

You may have already noticed this, but each of the aforementioned ‘boring classic opening lines’

are questions, and this is something extroverts do almost subconsciously. Introverts might want

to start conversations with a beautiful statement or a compliment, but people often only reply

with a short sentence after a compliment. The great thing about questions is that you kind of

force the other person to give a longer reply: he or she has to answer your question.

Asking questions is a great way to keep any conversation going. Even if someone does not ask

you a question back, you can still ask them another question: asking a question is like pushing

the talk-with-me button.

Not everyone will answer every question, but remember that the one thing everyone is often

very talkative about is themselves: everyone is his or her own expert and many people like

themselves and their lives, hobbies and interests. So, if you are interested in knowing more about

a person, ask them about themselves and the things they have done. If you do not like talking,

but love to know more about another person, this strategy is the best. If you execute it rightly,

you will only be doing about ten percent of the talking -and that is mostly questions and some

short statements about yourself (because, be honest: you also have some interesting things to

tell about yourself… just not in that much detail).

3. Online Chatting Is Your Friend

Because some of our friends live in far-off countries, it becomes necessary to chat with them

online. However, if you are shy, do not use Skype: use a text-messaging-service like Facebook

Messenger or WhatsApp. This way there are no eyes staring at you, it is just you - cozy in your

own room- the other person, whom you cannot see directly, and time.

The great thing about texting is that it makes it already slower to communicate, which serves as

a smokescreen for you to think about what you want to say, type it, rewrite it and check it one

last time, before you send it to your friend (and he or she will never know that you took your

time formulating your words). One of the most stressful things about talking to someone might

be that you feel like you have to come up with some brilliant reply as soon as the other person

stops talking, but with a text-messaging-service you can chat live, while still having some time to

think.


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4. Do Not Forget To Take Some Time For Yourself

Being extremely open and sociable takes a ridiculously high amount of energy from an introvert,

and it might take you several months or even years, before extensive social interaction will

actually GIVE you energy. So, do not forget to take some time for yourself to recharge.

Moreover, remember that “extroversion comes with the tide”. If you feel great, it is good to try

to come out of your shell, but instead, if you feel sad or tired, it is okay, healthy even, to go into

full introvert mode. Do not do anything that you do not feel comfortable with; feeling happy, or

having to feel happy the entire time, is also unhealthy behavior (we are people, sometimes we

feel terrible and that should be acknowledged).

5. How To Manage/Survive Parties

Moreover, choose your activities wisely. Sometimes you might feel like you do not fit into the

group because you skip some activities or parties, but -let’s be honest- some of them are simply

not appealing. Moreover, you do not need to go to all the activities and parties. However, it is

strongly recommended that you see which parties you might enjoy (if only for one hour).

Furthermore, going to an activity does not mean ‘doing everything at that activity’. If, for

instance, there is a Karaoke Party, please go (even if you do not want to stand on a stage and

sing). It is a great opportunity to mingle with your close friends, without ever going on stage to

sing. Nevertheless, if you feel up to it, you can try to go on stage and sing with a group (you

know… just in the background so not many people can actually see or hear you). P.s. Extroverts

are also often scared to stand on a podium by themselves.

The bottom line is: choose where you want to go to and what you want or do not want to do at

an event. Try to push yourself a little bit outside of your comfort zone, but remember: whatever

you feel is right IS right.


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6. Find Your Go-To-Guy/Gal

When at activities, parties or anywhere else, a conversation can go stale without it being your

fault. The other person you are talking to is not feeling so well, he or she is sad, you two just do

not click, et cetera (this is also an extrovert’s problem). However, even though it is not your fault,

you still feel a bit silly for being all alone in a crowd. That is why it is helpful, if not important, to

have a ‘go-to-guy’ or a ‘go-to-gal’: a person you can always go to at an event to socialize with (if

only for a couple of minutes, until you can socialize with someone else… for example, your best

friend). It is a great way to not feel alone, and a great way not to feel left out in a group.

Who are your most outgoing, social friends? You can “ride their coat-tails” and tag along with

them to events you might not otherwise feel comfortable attending, and begin meeting new

people through their naturally extroverted personality.

Don’t feel intimidated by your friend if he or she woos the room and you feel like you’ve taken a

back seat or are hiding in the shadows. Remain confident and smiling. You can even ask your

friend outright for help meeting people — they will happily oblige.

7. Reduce Anxiety

Introverts may approach small talk with anxiety, ranging from slight apprehension to debilitating

dread. One introvert told me that he fiddles with his phone or hides in the bathroom just so he

can avoid idle chitchat. To curb your anxiety, stay rational and positive. Tell yourself any of the

following:

▪ “What’s the worse that can happen? If they don’t like me, so what?”

▪ “The anxiety is coming from me and my beliefs, not the situation. I can do this.”

▪ "Labels don't define me. I'm an interesting, worthy person with a lot to contribute."

▪ “Just because [XYZ] happened in the past, doesn’t mean it will happen again.”

▪ “I will reward myself with a quiet evening on the couch, watching my favorite movie.”


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8. Be Purposeful

Thoughts tend to be self-fulfilling. If you approach small talk with the belief that it will be dull and

pointless, it probably will. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts (“I hate small talk,” “I’m awful

at this,” or “when can I go home?”), remind yourself that small talk isn't superficial. Small talk

serves an important purpose - it helps build the foundation for authentic conversations and

deeper relationships down the road. Approach small talk with renewed purpose by thinking of it

as the light appetizer before the main course.

9. Channel Your Curiosity

Introverts tend to be curious people. They love delving, digging deep into topics that interest

them, and learning what makes people tick. Channel your natural curiosity into small talk. When

you ask “how was your weekend?” or “how are you?”, approach the conversation with genuine

interest. Carefully listen to the other person, and provide a thoughtful response. Showing true

interest will invite further discussion and set a positive tone for any future interactions.

10. Ask Questions

Introverts tend to feel uncomfortable in the spotlight. They are often reluctant to disclose too

much about themselves, especially to new people. Which begs the question: How can you start

conversations and keep them flowing? The answer is simple – ask questions. By allowing the

other person to take center stage initially, you can build your comfort level and test the waters

before sharing your own thoughts. If you feel uncomfortable or fatigued mid-conversation, subtly

turn the attention away from yourself by asking more questions. (But do not be tempted to let

the other person do all the talking!)

One way to keep a conversation going is to get the other person talking. And the best way to do

this is by addressing open ended questions. Open ended questions require more than a simple

‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers, offering the possibility of much richer answers. Question like ‘What do you

think of this event?’ instead of ‘Do you like this event?’ Questions like these encourage people to

talk and they can be a life saver in stalling conversations.


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11. Add Juicy Tidbits

If you relentlessly pepper the other person with questions, it will feel like an interrogation. At

some point, you must share a bit about yourself. Do not provide one-word, closed responses;

these cut the conversation short. Instead, embellish your responses with juicy tidbits of

information. By providing multi-faceted responses, you can provide “hooks” for the other person

to continue the conversation. For example:

▪ Question: "How are you?" Short response: "Fine." Better response: "Good, thanks. I'm

getting ready for my vacation to England. It will be my first time in Europe, and I look

forward to trying proper English tea."

▪ Question: "Where are you from?" Short response: "Seattle." Better response: "I'm from

Seattle. It doesn't rain all the time, and I enjoyed the amazing seafood and coffee. There

are Starbucks on every corner."

▪ Question: "What did you do this weekend?" Short response: "I went house-hunting."

Better response: "I went house-hunting. We're considering the city versus the suburbs.

We can get more house in the suburbs, but the trade-off is the commute."

12. Deepen The Conversation

Simple questions tend to elicit a one-word answer. Open-ended questions, on the other hand,

can spark longer and richer discussions. Start with simple questions and follow up with open-

ended ones. After all, you don’t want to scare the other person away. Open-ended questions can

nudge the conversation into deeper, more authentic territory – where introverts tend to thrive.

Here are a few examples:

▪ "What do you do?", followed by "How did you enter that profession? What brought you

to that type of work?"

▪ "Have you attended events organized by this group before?" followed by "What did you

think of today's presentation?"

▪ "Where are you from?", followed by "What is your hometown like? How is it different

than here?"


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13. Recognize Cues

Introverts are often misunderstood. Other people may interpret the introvert’s reserved nature

as snobbish, or they may find an introvert’s deep passion for a particular topic to be too intense

or serious. Search for cues and learn to respond appropriately. For example, if the other person

seems taken aback by your reserved nature, be sure to smile and express genuine enthusiasm in

the conversation. Or if the other person starts to get fidgety while you’re speaking at length on a

subject, it’s probably time to switch to another topic or wrap up the conversation.

14. Be Kind To Yourself

Introverts are typically introspective souls who can concentrate for long periods of time.

However, this gift can become a curse when introverts dwell on their own perceived faults and

failures. If a particular endeavor didn’t go well, introverts may replay the episode in their minds

and berate themselves for not doing things differently. If you botched up a conversation or wish

you hadn’t said this or that, take a few minutes to reflect and focus on your “takeaway” lesson

for next time. Then simply let it go. Everyone makes mistakes. To accomplish anything

worthwhile, you must be willing to fail many times (and occasionally look silly) before achieving

success.

15. Share Details About Yourself

This can be hard for introverts because they tend to dislike talking about themselves. It puts all

the attention on them and makes them feel exposed and vulnerable. They usually don’t open up

until they know someone well and feel comfortable around them. But inevitably, this means they

get stuck in cycles of mind-numbing small talk in which they don’t reveal anything about

themselves and in turn, they don’t learn anything meaningful about the other person. The lack

of intimacy does not allow the relationship to grow in a satisfying way.

Another way to avoid mind-numbing small talk is to share a few details about yourself and see

what sticks. If you work in an office or go to school, you probably get asked the questions “How’s

it going?” or “How are you?” several times a day. Instead of giving the typical response (“I’m fine,

how are you?”), expand on your answer. Give a few details about your day. You might say

something like, “Very good, I jogged early on my favorite trail this morning. Now I’m feeling

great!”


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However, don’t make the mistake of oversharing. You shouldn’t launch into a 15-minute

monologue about your latest existential crisis or discuss all the possible causes of morning’s

indigestion. These conversation topics would be more appropriate with a close friend, not a work

or school acquaintance.

When you share details about yourself, notice how the other person reacts. Do they keep the

conversation going by asking a follow-up question (“Cool! What’s your favorite trail?”), or do they

give a disinterested nod? If the other person doesn’t seem interested, try revealing another detail

about yourself until you hit on a topic that gets the two of you talking.

16. Dare To Be Honest

We often sacrifice expressing our true thoughts and feelings for the sake of politeness. But

there’s something very authentic—and surprisingly charming—about being completely honest.

Chung writes that you can quickly take conversations to a deeper level by saying things like:

▪ “To be honest, I don’t go to parties very much. I feel pretty overwhelmed being here.”

▪ “I’m not a big talker, but I like listening.”

▪ “I don’t like camping. Like, at all.”

▪ “I’m really proud of that.”

▪ “This feels awkward.”

▪ “That hurt my feelings.”

▪ “No. I don’t want to go. I’d rather stay home and have some me time.”

Of course, don’t take this to the extreme. If you insult or overshare, you risk alienating your

conversation partner. However, if done right, even one authentic admission quickly builds

intimacy, because honesty draws people in and makes them let down their guard.


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17. Be Open To Intimacy & Don’t Fear The Controversial

Intimacy is an obvious requirement for a budding relationship, but research shows just how

powerful it really is. An ingenious method was created for fashioning lightning-fast intimacy with

couples who have just met. In an hour or less, intimacy levels that typically take weeks, months,

or years to form were sparked.

The getting-to-know-you process was accelerated using a set of thirty-six questions that

encouraged deep dialogue. At the end of the experiment, the intensity of participating partners’

bonds was rated as closer than the closest relationship in the lives of 30% of similar students.

And that was after only 45 minutes. Sharing emotional, personal information proved to be a

potent way to kindle feelings of connection.

According to traditional dating, including controversial subjects, like politics and religion, in first

date conversation must be avoided.

An experiment found that interesting, personally revealing, and potentially contentious

questions (like “Do you have any STDs?” and “Have you ever broken someone’s heart?”) created

much livelier conversations than playing it safe.

Embracing controversial questions made everyone happier with the interaction.


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18. Talk Like A Person, Not An Expert

Some people have a tendency to use fancy words and a lot of technical jargon when they talk to

people.

They are not trying to show off — they just have a rich vocabulary and deep expertise and are

defaulted to technical language and acronyms when they talked to people, mostly because they

think that it is efficient. Of course, no one knows that. Everyone thinks that the person is being

arrogant and condescending. And that perceived coldness has a cost. So, such people have to

start using conversational language, and when technical jargon is required, they provide context

for it so it becomes easier for people to understand.

The result? Such people get consistent great feedback. Not only about their communication style

but also about who and how they are as a person.

Of course, people don’t get a personality transplant, they just got better at speaking. And that

starts sending the right signals and direction to the people around them.

I encourage you to reflect on your own speaking and communication skills and consider the signal

you might be sending out. What might shift and improve for you and your business if you took

your presentation skills to the next level?

19. Talk About Travel

A new study found that a beloved topic for first date talk (i.e. movies) isn’t as effective as you

might think. Less than 9% of participating pairs wanted to meet up again after chatting about

movies, whereas, that number doubled to 18% when people chatted about travel.

Men and women tend to have strongly different tastes in film. Only 4% of men in the study liked

musicals, compared to 29% of women, and 49% of men liked action films, compared to just 18%

of women.

Participants who talked about movies ended up arguing, while those who talked about travel

fantasized about dream destinations and shared stories of memorable holidays. The latter makes

people feel good, and consequently makes them appear more attractive to one another.


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20. Make It About Them, Not You

In any uncomfortable situation, an introvert’s best strategy is to simply take the attention off

yourself by asking questions, becoming invested in the words the other person is saying, and

deeply listening to their stories.

Take the attention off of yourself by making your interaction with someone about them and not

you, and you won’t feel like you’re buckling under the pressure of “putting on a show.”

This technique will also make you feel more comfortable to open up yourself and get familiarized

with the group of people with whom you’re spending time.

If you don’t really care about others then there’s no point in pretending to be curious about them,

or if you don’t really listen to them. In fact, it could backfire! To make small talk, develop a sincere,

genuine attitude towards people. Listen to what they are saying, and follow up on what your gut

tells you to do or say next.

“People are flattered when you find them appealing – and they naturally reciprocate,” says Dr

Ann Demarais, a psychologist. When you show interest in others, your likeability factor increases

because it shows you’re confident. “And when you’re confident, you appear more attractive,”

she says.

Different people like talking about different things. The difference between a faltering

conversation and a humming one is finding what the other person enjoys talking about.

Take what you already know about the person into consideration. People like talking about what

they know. If you know any of the following things about a person, that's a good start:

▪ Their job/career

▪ Their passion/hobby

▪ Their family/friends

▪ Their heritage/history

Use the things you know about the person to steer a conversation. If, for example, you know that

the person you're talking to rides bulls for a living, ask them about other bull riders, or cowboy

culture, or what it was like the first time they rode.


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21. Raise Famous Moments From The Past

You ever heard a song that resonates from your childhood and suddenly, you hear everyone in

your respected age group reacting positively to it?

That’s because people find it easier to connect with someone based on something that happened

in their past. What makes an average person happy are the positive events that occurred in their

childhood or teenage years that they haven’t forgotten.

Thus, if you’re speaking to someone in your age group, bring up an old television show that you

used to admire as a child. Think of songs, movies, or even commercials that you remembered as

a teenager.

This raises peoples youth and make them feel great because you resurrected the adolescence

sentiments within them. This is buys you another 10 to 15 minutes of conversations if you

continue exploring the different stages of each other’s childhood and teenage years. By then,

you’ll find a different topic to shift the conversation.

22. Focus On Asking Meaningful Questions

Why not turn to ask for other people’s opinion and you practice active listening skill if you have

nothing to say.

If you are an introvert, you are also a thinker. So treasure and use your ability - the ability to think

creatively. Remember one saying from Zig Ziglar,

“You are the only person on earth who can use your ability.”

Usually, people will recommend you take less time of thinking and instead express your ideas.

But I recommend the opposite, you do not need to say anything. Sometimes you’re better off

saying nothing at all. Just go ahead with your thinking. Keep thinking until you find some unique

ideas. Then make a statement and everyone will listen to you.

Instead, in a different approach, ask some thought provoking questions. Imagine that. In a

discussion, when people are discussing enthusiastically about their ideas. Then all of a sudden

you bring up a thoughtful question, people may go into silence immediately to think, even work

together to brainstorm ideas for your question.


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By that way, you make an influence on the group discussion.

Because you are an introvert, you have the ability to observe. Therefore, you can master

questioning skill.

23. Project Confidence

It's no secret that other people are naturally attracted to individuals who have confidence. It may

seem unfair, but it's a fact of life. If your confidence level is high and you're fun to be around,

people will make up for lulls in the conversation by trying harder themselves, or cut you breaks

when the conversation slacks.

People listen to your body language and your words when you're talking to them. In fact, the 7%-

38%-55% rule, developed by Dr. Albert Mehrabian, states that what we say only accounts for 7%

of whether we are liked by a person, whereas our body language accounts for 55% of whether

we are liked. Some tips for you as you continue to work on your body language:

▪ Don't cross your arms — or your legs. The other person may consider it as you being

haughty.

▪ Maintain good eye contact without staring. Staring at the person so long that they feel

uncomfortable is not a good thing.

▪ Keep your shoulders relaxed. Your body’s tension can manifest itself as tension in your

shoulders. This tension if spotted, can make the person more likely to be ill at ease.

▪ Nod every so often and lean forward. When you nod, your conversational partner gets

the signal that you're keeping along, while leaning forward communicates that you're

interested in the person.

▪ Face the other person and don't fidget. By facing the person you give them your undivided

attention. Not fidgeting will allow you to show your conversational partner that you are

zoned into the conversation.


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24. Try Different Topics

Have you ever found it difficult to find a topic to talk about when you meet someone new at a

social gathering? Do you find it burdensome to keep the conversation going?

If your answer to these questions is a strong “yes”, then it’s probably high time you reconsider

your communication skills. If you don’t know how to keep a conversation going, it can hurt your

confidence and discourage you from initiating interaction with other people.

To get you on the right track, here are some of the things you can say to keep a conversation

going.

A. Their Reason For Coming To The Venue

This is one of the easiest topics that can keep a conversation going. Almost everyone has a reason

for going to the places that they do. It can be for entertainment, shopping or some other purpose

that isn’t immediately apparent.

It’s also an open-ended question which means you’ll get more than the usual “Yes” or “No”

answer. You can use the other person’s response to push your conversation further.

B. Current Events/News

Don’t pick anything negative or controversial to start off with as it can either kill a conversation

or create a wrong impression on your part. Start with something a lot of people can relate to,

such as a local parade, a recent theater showing or a movie that just came out recently. You can

easily tie some of these events to hobbies someone may be interested in.

C. Something You Notice At The Venue

Have you ever been to a venue where something about the place just stands out? It can be the

actual place, ambiance or some of the venue’s decorations.

Using these things as topics can help you connect with people with the same interests and

opinions. For example, if you point out how the decorations don’t match the atmosphere, you

might hear people say that they noticed them too and how odd they are.


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Once people are able to feel that you connect with them in terms of interests, they can be more

confident and comfortable to share their thoughts and ideas.

D. Something That Just Happened

If you’re unsure about how to start a conversation, you can take advantage of the things that

happen out of the blue. It can be about spilled drinks, broken glasses or anything that can catch

another person’s interest.

One key thing to remember when it comes to using this topic as a conversation starter is to avoid

dwelling on unfortunate events. Although it can help you connect with other people, talking

about someone tripping in the hallway can leave you looking like the bad guy.

E. Food Or Drink Recommendations

If it’s your first time to a place, it’s a good idea to ask people around about what food or drink

they like ordering from the venue. Aside from giving you a good idea about the place, you can

also take it as an opportunity to connect with new people.

You might even be surprised to hear lots of food and drink recommendations from these people.

F. Participating In An Activity

If the gathering you are at has some activities, you can try participating. Most activities in

gatherings and events are usually held as an icebreaker for the guests.

They can be as simple as playing a short game, acting, or singing. The idea isn’t to push yourself

to your physical or mental limits, but to get involved and get the atmosphere going. You can

almost always talk about the activities with the people involved afterwards.

G. Showing Off Your Hobby

For some people, showing is better than telling. Talking about the activities you enjoy is nice, but

if you can show people your hobby, you’ll be able to keep the conversation more alive.


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It doesn’t have to be a flashy performance. It can be as simple as showing some of your artwork,

manuscripts or pictures of dishes you’ve recently cooked.

People can easily get bored if you keep on narrating the things you’re good at. Although showing

off is nice, you should still keep it to a minimum. You wouldn’t want to look like your bragging

your skills.

H. Using Humor To Start A Conversation

Humor is a good way to engage people. When people laugh, it means that they are listening to

you and they’re having a good time.

You don’t have to be too creative or a comedian to crack a little joke. In fact, you can simply start

off by sharing a funny story or making a witty inquiry that’s relevant to the current topic. You

don’t necessarily have to make people continuously laugh. However, once you’re able to start

with a humorous tone, it’s relatively easy to switch topics.

25. Be Prepared

This might sound silly but it’s not! This actually gives you a very strong feeling of confidence and

makes your conversations much more relaxed, compared to the stress of “shit, what should I say

next??” Now you know exactly what you’re going to talk about next, so you can simply focus on

making the most of your current topic.

Personally, any time I think of an interesting topic, I hear a story, a joke or I come up with a

question for her – I write it down in a notebook, and when I talk to her on Skype or phone I keep

the notebook somewhere close to me, in case a dreadful awkward silence somehow kicks in.

It is strongly encouraged that you make a list in your mind or even put on paper some topic ideas

that you plan on discussing with your conversational partner and save yourself the frustration

and stress of coming up with creative ideas on the spot.


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26. Smile With Your Eyes

If your face feels and looks pleasant and happy, your conversation partner will feel relaxed. A

happy face looks approachable and friendly. To keep your face open and happy, think positive

thoughts: recall your last vacation, a funny joke, or an episode of “Two and a Half Men.” Making

conversation for introverts is easier if you’re happy and relaxed.

27. Share Positive Experiences

Making conversation is much more fun – even for people with introverted personality traits – if

you talk about positive things. Avoid complaining and negativity. Complaining and negativity

stops small talk in its tracks – and it won’t make you a more likeable person.


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28. Share Your Mistakes

Psychological research shows that people who make mistakes are more likeable than those who

appear to be perfect. Compared to perfect people, people who make mistakes are seen as less

judgmental and more approachable.

Don’t be afraid to let all your introverted personality traits shine through! This will make people

like you because they’ll feel you’re normal and human…just like they are.

29. Practice Makes Perfect

People have consciously pushed themselves out of their comfort zones, to socialize, to meet new

people and to apply techniques that have been mentioned above. Do the same, and you’ll see

the same kind of positive results with your conversational skills.

Remember that you don’t have to keep a conversation going no matter what. If the person you’re

talking to simply refuses to participate in the conversation, you can end the conversation politely

and go talk to someone else.

Every introvert has the responsibility to at least try and make a conversation work. And if you do

this well, you will be significantly more able to make great friends and influence people.

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