26 Steps to a Lasting Relationship © 2014, O. G Pius.

8/10/2019 26 Steps to a Lasting Relationship 2014, O. G Pius.

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26 STEPS TO A LASTING RELATIONSHIP

Copyright 2014, O.G Pius| 1


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Copyright 2014, O. G Pius.Published by GOP Interlink Communication Solutions.

All Rights Reserved: without limiting the rights under the copyright reserved above, no

part of this publication may be shared, reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or

transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,

recording or otherwise without the express written, dated and signed permission of the

author of this e-book, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

Requests to the copyright holder for permission should be addressed to

[email protected]
mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]


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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

It is with a great deal of pleasure that I want to appreciate those who have contributed in

so many ways to the completion of this project. First, with affectionate appreciation, I

want to thank God Almighty for the strength, provision and the leading of the Holy Spirit

throughout the period of writing this e-book.

I am grateful to my friend and room-mateNkwocha Chibueze whose computer system

I used throughout the period of writing this book. I particularly want to thank my

teacherNorman Childs of World Bible School USA, Arthur Donovan Hitt of World

English Institute USA, Adetoye Oluwaferanmi of MyAccess Fortelan Service Nigeria

and Richard N. AdyFounder of World English Institute USA for their careful work of

edition, proof reading, attention to details and cheerful spirit. I am also grateful to my late

friend Julius Brown for his continuous encouragement which made me believe that I can

do it if I am determined.

Special thanks have to go to Roger E. Dicksonauthor of Dickson Biblical Research

Library Vol. 2,www.helpguide.org/mental/improve_relationships.html#Spend,

PushButtonPublishing.com and many other internet article writers and authors whose

text/write-up I consulted/cited extensively in the cause of writing this project.

I am also grateful to my professional colleagues, students of the University of Port

Harcourt and members of the Church of Christ for their support, delightful spirit, sense ofhumour and their many constructive suggestions, thoughtful reviews and criticism

especially my dear friend Ogbonna Prosper Chisimdi, Ugwu Daniel and Stephen

Ukpabio.

Finally, my special thanks goes to the entire Ohemus familyespecially my uncle Mr.

Ohemu A. Daniel to whom I owe whatever I am today or hope to be in life.

Writing an e-book like this without the help of all of you would have been impossible. I

am grateful.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/improve_relationships.html#Spendhttp://www.helpguide.org/mental/improve_relationships.html#Spendhttp://www.helpguide.org/mental/improve_relationships.html#Spendhttp://www.helpguide.org/mental/improve_relationships.html#Spend


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THE PURPOSE OF THIS E-BOOK

The purpose of this e-book is a very direct and simple one. This e-book is simply a

practical, direct-action, personal improvement manual that reveals the secrets of a lasting

relationship. It is written with the sole objective of acquainting the reader (married and

yet to get married) with the necessary suggestions, ideas and techniques needed to

achieve a happy, satisfying and a worthwhile relationship life.

It is not the aim of this e-book to promote sex before marriage (fornication) in any sense

but to let the reader know that relationship is a life time covenant between two people

cemented before God with a till death do us part duration and that it requires effort from

both parties to lubricate its fulcrum so that they can both have a frictionless and a lasting

relationship.

I felt led just like John L. Manson to write this e-book in a nuggetstyle in order todeliver as much substance as possible in an enjoyable, easy-to-read format. I dont know

about you but I hate reading books that takes twenty pages to make one point. I want to

give you my dear reader salient steps to a lasting relationship in few pages as possible.

It is my prayer that as you read this book from page-to-page, the eyes of your

understanding will be enlightened the more to understand the breadth, length, depth and

height of the 26 sacrificial steps to a lasting relationship.


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26Steps to a

Lasting

Relationship

alling in love is not a choice. To stay in love is.

INTRODUCTION

Call it whatever name you chose, dating and marriage are different today than theywere

twenty years ago. In today's society, more than 50% of all relationships fail for one

reason or another. Just thinking about that makes "commitment" seem scary. It seems that

when relationships are faced with challenges, people quit trying. Dating is now more like

a marathon journey: you try to date as many people as possible, instead of taking time to

get to know someone at a deeper level.

The fact is that relationships, whether dating or married, are hard. Things do not always

go perfectly; there would be blisters;fighting does occur, and it takes a 100%

commitment from both parties to make the relationship a success. However, even though

the odds are not very good, healthy, and long-lasting relationships are definitely possible

as proven by many people.

WHAT IS RELATIONSHIP?

Relationship is like choosing a car. You pick out the make, model, year, colour, and

features that you believe are best for you. After driving your car for a couple of months,

you realised you should have purchased a lager car, or that maybe, the leather seats would

have been better, or on sunny days, the sunroof would have been nice. However, it is now

too late so you choose to keep your car and make it work. This is what relationship really

is. Not everything will be perfect, and there will be major obstacles to overcome but you

have made your decision and now you choose to make it work.


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A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good

relationships improve all aspects of your life, strengthening your health, your mind, and

your connections with others. However, if the relationship isn't working, it can also be a

tremendous drain. Relationship is an investment. The more you put in, the more you get

back.

Most of us have been through at least one breakup in our lives that was absolutely

devastating. Whether you see it coming or you have no idea things were that bad, a

breakup can wreak havoc on your emotions. Many people compare experiencing a

breakup to feeling depressed, like someone died, like sadness will never leave, or like you

lost an arm or a leg. All of these emotions are perfectly natural; however, you need to

learn how to deal with the hand that was dealt to you and move on. That is the purpose of

this book: to give you tested and certified steps for a long lasting relationship.26 Steps

to a Lasting Relationshipgives you 26 ways to build, strengthen,and enhance your

relationship. Remember, little steps taken every day will add up to big successes. Hang on

with me as we continue!


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Before I let the cat out of the bag, I must let you know sincerely, that healthy

relationship is buil t on give and takeand according to Fawn Weaver,in a lasting

relationship: love is the reason. Lifelong friendship is the gift. Kindness is the cause. Till

death do us part is the length.That said, I present to you my reader, the 26 tested and

certified steps to a lasting relationship; a relationship that is rich with meaning, joy, a

serving heart, honesty and love; a relationship in which the two people involved could

talk like best friends, play like children, argue like husband and wife and protect each

other like brothers and sisters.


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#NUGGET 1: Spirituality

The secret of a happy relati onship i s to serve God and each other. The goal of a

lasting relati onship is uni ty and oneness, as well as self -development. Paradoxically,

the more we serve one another, the greater is our spir itual and emotional

growth.~Ezra Taft Benson

For every good thing, there must be a very solid foundation and God is the foundation of

every lasting relationships.Relationship is like a triangle. You are at one point at the baseof the triangle and your partner is at the other end of the base. God is at the top. As you

both travel toward God, you get closer to each other. A lasting relationship can only come

from two people making God the most important thing in their lives. Timothy S. Lane

made no mistake when he said, If you look for God in your relationship, you will always

find things to be thankful for. When God reigns in your heart, peace reigns in your

relationship. This work will only be complete in heaven but there is much you can enjoy

now. Of all that can bless relationships, there is one special enriching ingredient, which

above all else will help join a man and a woman together in a very real, sacred spiritual

sense. It is the presence of the Divine in relationship. Shakespeare, speaking in Henry the

fifth, said, God, the best maker of all relationships, combine your hearts in one.God is

the best keeper of relationship.-President James E. Faust.

Credit: Google

STEPS TO A LASTING RELATIONSHIP


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Statistics show that partners that spend time in church together usually have strong

relationship and that bringing spirituality into your relationship is an unavoidable fact if

you want to be happily married after. According to Kathryn Skaggs, there are three

fundamental pillars of a lasting relationship:

Pillar one-Integrity

Pillar two-Respect

Pillar three-Endurance

These three pillars combined and placed upon a strong foundation-God, will do more to

ensure that you have a successful relationship and a happy life. Life is a marathon and

you need a companion who will endure to run the race together

The Bible instructs husbands togive honour to their wives. It is written, Likewise,

husbands, dwell with your wives with understanding, giving honour to the wife as the

weaker vessel, and as heirs together of the grace of life, so that your prayers be not

hindered(1 Peter 3:7) A loving husband has an understanding heart. His understandingheart makes it possible for him to live with his wife. He gives honour to the wife by not

doing the following:

He does not reject her.

He does not belittle her.

He does not refuse to support her.

He does not criticise her.

He does not argue with her in front of her children.

He does not embarrass her in the presence of her friends.

On the other hand, an honourable mandoes the following for his wife or fianc:

He seeks to build her self- image by giving her respect.

He recognizes that she needs support since she is physically weaker than he is.

He continually gives her praise for the good she does.

He respects her counsel as a partner in marriage/relationship.

He spiritually and emotionally provides for her well being.

He protects her from harm that may come from influence outside the family.

The woman is not left out in the required roles for a lasting relationship. A virtuous wife

or fianc is to:

Be a helper to her husband.

Respect her husband

Love her husband

Submit to the leadership of her husband

Be the Proverb 31:10-30 woman

Man had a need right from the Garden of Eden. If not, God wouldnt have said It is

NOT GOODthat the man should be alone.(Genesis2:18) God made you (woman) to

come along side him, co-responding to him, to work with him, to accomplish the Divine


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goal God has given him. The duty of a good wife or fianc, who wants to see a strong

relationship and family, is to be by his side as a helper. She is not just an extra on the

side; she is an indispensable part of His Divine plan. If your man is messed up, he needs

you as his helper to get cleaned up. You are the only one God has assigned to fill in all

the blank spots where he needs help. You are the one assigned to help mould and shape

him into the man that God ultimately wants him to be in order to carry out the agenda ofthe household. There is no him without you. You are the egg in his egg role and without

you; he is just an ordinary pastry.

The woman also must realise that she needs the man. Many institutions award the title of

Dr, PhD, MBA and Msc but it is only a man that can crown a woman with the title of

Mrs. He is your head, your crown and your hero. You cannot spell woman without man.

You cannot spell female without male and you cannot spell she without he. You see, you

need each other. You are both partner in progress with a life time contract.

All religious faith agrees on the fundamental principle for good relationship development.

Many of these principles have been recorded for thousands of years. Thousands of young

men and women have grown up under the direction of these principles and have becomegreat fathers and mothers. As a future or present father or mother, if you pattern your life

after Gods principles for family and relationship life, you too will enjoy the same

happiness that millions throughout history have enjoyed in righteous and spiritual

relationship environment. The couple who prays together stays together.-Unknown


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#NUGGET 2: Give and Take

A lasting relationship is not a 50-50 proposition; it i s a 100-100 proposit ion .

The more you give, the more love that would bereturned.~Norman Childs.

If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting

yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise, and it

takes work on each persons part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.

Recognize whats important to yourpartner:Knowing what is truly important to

your partner can go a long way towards building goodwill and an atmosphere of

compromise. On the flip side, its also important for your partner to recognize your wants

and for you to state them clearly. Constantly compromising your needs for others' will

build resentment and anger.

Dont make winning your goal:If you approach your partner with the attitude that

things have to be your way or else, it will be difficult to reach a compromise. Sometimes

this attitude comes from not having your needs met while you were younger, or it could

be from years of accumulated resentment building up in your current relationship. Its all

right to have strong convictions about something, but your partner deserves to be heard as

well. You are more likely to get your needs met if you respect what your partner needs,

and compromise when you can.

Learn how to respectfully resolve conflict: Conflict is inevitable in any relationship,but to keep a relationship strong, both of you need to feel youve been heard. The goal is

not to win but to resolve the conflict with respect and love.

Make sure you are fighting fair.

Dont attack someone directly; use I statements to communicate how you feel.

Dont drag old arguments into the mix.

Keep the focus on the issue at hand, and respect the other person .

Some times, couples have to argue, not to prove whos right or wrong, but to be

reminded that their love is worth fighting for.~Unknown


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#NUGGET 3: Expect Ups and Downs

No relationship is all sunshine, but once youve learned how to play in the rain,youve discovered the secret to surviving the passing storm together.~Unknown

Relationship is unique. It presents us with many different experiences. Sometimes, it is

wholly positive experiences and sometimes, it really challenges us to dig inside ourselves

and find something we never knew existed.

They might be 30, or 75. They come in different colours, shapes, sizes and income

brackets. It doesnt matter how long theyve been together. Whatever the demographics,

when you see a happy couple, you just know it. True, or false?

How did these people stay in love, in good times and in bad? Fortunately, the answerisnt through luck or chance. It was as a result of hard work and commitment that they

both invested in their relationship bearing in mind that there must be ups and downs.

To be frank, you wont always be on the same page with your partner. Sometimes one

partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses him/her. Issues such as job loss or

severe health problems can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each

other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different

people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration

and anger. Always bear in mind that there must be ups and downs in your relationship.

What then should one do when ups and downs surfaces in a relationship? Quit the

relationship? Invite friends and family members to help you settle the scores between you

and your partner? Or let anger have its place so both can fight and insult each other? The

answer to these questions is a resounding NO!

The greatest mistake you will ever make in your relationship is to invite outsiders to settle

scores between you and your partner. Be it your family members, dear friends,

colleagues, class mates, religious members etc, it is absolutely wrong to do so! Why? The

reason is, such an act questions the ability of the man as the head of the relationship. It

questions the virtuousness of the woman as the neck of the relationship. Also, it questions

the level of agreement, compatibility, understanding, love and open mindedness that you

both have for each other.

Dont you fill ashamed as an incapable man when your family members sit to settle

issues between you and your partner? Dont you feel ashamed as an incapable help-mate

of your husband or fiance when colleagues come around to plead with you to let peace

reign in your home? I think you should!

When ups and downs set in, the best thing to do is to settle it between the two of you.

With love and good manner, communicate your needs, listen to each other, remember the


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positive about your partner, make repair attempts, be honest and dont look at the other

person as the cause of the problem. Always ask yourself how committed am I to the

success of this relationship?Relationship is like a bank account, if there are fewer

deposits than withdrawals, you will run into difficulty. Inviting people into your

relationship to settle issues between you and your partner should never be your first point

of call. If need be, it should be your last resort when you have done all you could bothphysically and in ferventprayer,and it still seems not to work! You also need to be

careful of the kind of person whose advice you seek.

Being conscious of this inevitable fact keeps you going in spite ofthe present or pastsituation. Bear in mind that it is not how many times you fall that countsbut how you

were able to learn from your mistakes and deal with them that matters most. When two

people really care about each other, they will always look for a way to make it work. No

matter how hard it is.

#NUGGET 4: Leave the Baggage BehindA lasting relationship is the union of two good forgivers.~Robert Quillen

Every person on the face of the earth has some kind of history, or baggage.Do not work

into a relationship loaded with that baggage. The past is the past. Even though there are

things from the past that are hurtful, and even damaging, learn from those things and

come out a better and stronger person. This allows you to step into a new relationship

with better knowledge of what notto do. Leave the baggage from the past alone, focus on

today, and look forward to tomorrow. It is my advice also that you be honest and sincere

with your partner. Make your past involvements/mistakes known to each other so that the

other person wontbe surprised when he/she hears about them.Doing this builds trust-the

bedrock of every relationship.


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#NUGGET 5: I Forgive You

A successful marriage isnt the union of two perfect people. Its that of two imperfect

people who have learned the value of forgiveness and grace.~Darlene Schacht

To be frank, without forgiveness, it is impossible for partners in a relationship to

celebrate two weeks anniversary of a happy relationship. Right?

Forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or

vengeance toward a person who has harmed you, regardless of whether the person

actually deserves your forgiveness or not. Forgiveness is an unmerited gift and/or a

sacrifice made to sustain a desired relationship!

Dont hold onto that thing your lover said or did six months ago and bring it up each time

you get mad at him or her. Do both of you a favour, and let it go. We often let our pasthurts dictate our present. Learn to let go of past resentments and fears in order to live

more fully with your partner right now.

Forgiveness does not change the past but, dear reader, it does enlarge the future. The act

that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can

lessen its grip on you and help you focus on thepositive side of your life. Forgiveness

does not mean that you deny the other persons responsibility for hurting you,and neither

does it mean you are comfortable with the act. It only means that you see the present

situation as a hurdle/obstacle that you both must overcome. For the sake of the vision of

a better togetherness ahead, you just have to forgive, REALLY FORGIVE.

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace.

In case you might have forgotten, always remember that forgiveness leads to:

Healthier relationship

Greater spiritual and psychological well-being

Less anxiety, stress and hostility

Lower blood pressure

Fewer symptoms of depression Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

Robert Quillen made no mistake when he said, a lasting relationship is the union of two

good forgivers.As an example, if your partner has had an affair, and the two of you

choose to work it out rather than throw the relationship away, once the problem is

resolved and the forgiveness is said, it is done! It means that you forgive and put the past

behind you and then move on in a new, strong and healthy relationship. I know it is not

easy but you can do it with the right help, attitude and commitment which this book is

unveiling to you.I hope you are learning something meaningful? Letsmove on to the

next step.


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#NUGGET 6: Start Over

A long lasting relationship doesnt mean you have a perfect spouse ora perfect

marriage. It simply means youve chosen to look beyond the imperfections in

both.~Fawn Weaver

When couples first get together, everything is new and exciting. They overlook the little

annoying things the other person does. However, after a time, the nagging starts. Instead

of hearing, you look beautiful; you might hear why are you wearing that shirt?Cant

you see you are adding too much weight?If this sounds like your relationship, first, the

two of you need to sit down and be honest that things have changed. Identify the things

each other did in the beginning of the relationship that created the attraction in the first

place. Then together, make a commitment to start over. The truth is, both of you will

have to work on this. It will not be easy, but it is possible.

Start by forgiving each other, forgetting the past, and start over with the flirtation. Focus

only on the special thing your mate does, and relearn to put the unimportant things aside.

It will take some time, so be patient.


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#NUGGET 7: Spend Quality Time Together

Love is a partnership of two unique people who bring out the very best in each other,

and who know that even though they are wonderful as individuals; they are even better

together.~Barbara Cage

Spending quality time together is crucial. If you look at the beginning, when you were

first dating your loved one, everything seemed new and exciting, and you have spent

hours chatting together or coming up with new, exciting things to try. However, as time

goes by, children, demanding jobs, different hobbies, and other obligations can make it

hard to find time together. Its critical for your relationship, though, to make time for

yourselves. The activity is not what is important but the fact that you both are together,

doing something that you both enjoy. If you dont have quality time, communication and

understanding start to erode. Just as you would schedule a meeting on your calendar,

show some courtesy in your relationship by scheduling time with each other. Once the

plan is in place, no backing out unless you have some life-and-death emergency.

Simple ways to connect as a couple and rekindle love

Commit to spending quality time together on a regular basis.Even during

very busy and stressful times, a few minutes of really sharing and connecting can

help keep bonds strong. Try talking on the phone. Yes, I know this sounds crazy,

but phone calls are a different sort of communication than texting (or even in-

person communicating) will allow. You may actually deepen your connectionthrough a phone chat.

Find something that you enjoy doing together,whether it is a shared hobby,

dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning.

Try something new together.Doing new things together can be a fun way to

connect and keep things interesting. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant

or going on a day trip to a place youve never been before.


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Credit: Getty

Partners are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this

playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start

getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humour can actually help you get through tough

times, reduce stress, and work through issues more easily.

Focus on having fun together

Think about playful ways to surprise your partner,like bringing flowers or afavourite movie home unexpectedly.

Learn from the play experts together.Playing with pets or small children can

really help you reconnect with your playful side. If its something you do

together, you also learn more about your partner and how he or she likes to have

fun.

Make a habit of laughing together whenever you can.Most situations are not

as bleak as they appear to be when you approach them with humour.


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#NUGGET 8: Keep Physical Intimacy Alive

There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day

knowing that someone on the other side of the door is waiti ng for the sound of hi s

footsteps.~Ronald Reagan

When a child is ill, doctors will tell you that it is proven that a simple, loving touch of a

parent can quickly pull the child through a crisis. It is the same in relationship. Playing

with your mates hair, rubbing their hand, a soft kiss on the neck, a soft pat on the leg or

giving a gentle back rub will make a huge difference in how your mate responds to you.

When was the last time you walked up to your mate and without saying a word,

affectionately placed a kiss on his/her neck? This is not in a sexual way but an

affectionate way. There is a difference.

The next time the two of you are sitting in a car, at the super market, or standing in line atthe theatre, quietly reach over and take his/her hand. Dont be surprised if you get a

strange look of curiosity the first time!

Studies have shown that affectionate touch actually boosts the bodys levels of oxytocin,

a hormone that influences bonding and attachment. In a committed relationship between

two adult partners, intercourse should not be the only method of physical intimacy in a

relationship. Regular, affectionate touchholding hands, hugging, or kissingis equally

important.

Credit: Getty

Be sensitive to what your partner likes:While touch is a key part of a healthy

relationship, its important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes.

Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and

retreatexactly what you dont want.


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# NUGGET 9: Give Needed Space

Assumptions are the termites of relationship.~Henry Winker

As important as it is to spend quality time together, it is equally important to give eachother time to do something he or she likes. If your mate loves to fish but you have no

desire to bait a little, slimy worm, or if you like to go to the theatre but your mate would

rather do something different, encourage each other to take time apart. Try establishing a

set time for this very purpose, if possible.

For example, perhaps you could determine that every last Fridays night is singlesnight.

This is not a time to date other people, but to enjoy preferred activities. Remember that

you have to place trust in your relationship. If you try this and then drill your partner to

see what he/she did, whom they were with and where they went, then the exercise has

failed!It is also very important for you to respect the privacy of your mates stuff. Do not dig

through boxes of things owned by your mate out of curiosity. Instead, allow them to bring

those things out if they feel it is necessary. By helping yourself, you are disrespecting

something sacred to your mate, which is not healthy for your relationship.


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#NUGGET 10: Say Thanks

Show me a man who is smiling from ear-to-ear and living beautiful life, and Ill show

you a man who is grateful for what he has and utterly in love with his wife.~Fawn

Weaver

Let him/her know that you notice the little things he/she does by saying thank you for

routine tasks like washing the dishes or cleaning the house. Youre there to make each

other feel like your best selves, so let the genuine praise flow freely. Like his outfit? Tell

him! Like her hair today? Let her know!

Credit: Getty

Be generous with compliments. In a relationship, compliments are like glue. It holds

individualpartners attention and respect. Make sure your compliments are genuine and

based on something you see or hear you mate do.


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#NUGGET11: Strong Family Ties

In life youll realize there is apurpose for everyone you meet. Some wil l test you, some

wil l use you, and some wil l teach you. Bu t most impor tantly, some wil l br ing out the

best in you.~Unknown

When in a relationship, not only are you involved with the love of your life, but also the

family of your mate. It is important to build a strong, healthy relationship with the

families as well. Even if you dont see them often, having a good connection with your

mates family will make life for everyone much better all the way round.

One of the greatest mistakesmade by partners in relationship is that often times; the

female partner does not feel comfortable having either the brothers or sisters of the male

partner around or vice versa. Some even go to the extent of maltreating the relatives or

siblings of the other partner so as to keep them out. The number of those who see their

mother/father-in-law as witch/wizard is enormous.

When in a relationship, the golden rule,dounto others as you would have them do unto

you,should be your watchword and song. Establish strong ties with your mates family.

As much as you have the ability, live peaceably with everyone.

Though it is somewhat difficultsince some people may not like you no matter how hard

you try, the fruits of the little effort that you invest in loving them will pay off in the end.

#NUGGET12: Financial Woes

In poverty I promise to make our love rich in wealth; I promise not to let our love

grow poor.~Unknown

The main reason,other than infidelity,that marriages/relationshipsfall apart is finances.

When partners/couples are struggling with money problems, tempers flare, frustration

builds, drinking may start,and it is an all-around unhealthy situation. The minute there

are signs of financial difficulties, the two of you need to immediately sit down and figure

out a plan on how to deal with the problem. If needed, visit a financial consultant or a

credit counselling service to help you get back on track. Do not allow your finances to get

out of line,or your relationship will certainly suffer.


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#NUGGET 13: Be Kind to One Another

The most beautiful thing is to see a person you love smiling. And even

more beauti fu l i s knowing that you are the reasonbehind it.~Unknown

Unbelievably, kindness is often over simplified. Even good relationships can lack

kindness. Asimple act of kindness can have ahuge impact on a relationship. If your

husband or boyfriend is working on a hot sunny day, make a thermo of ice-cold tea

and take it to him giving him a gentle kiss. If your wife or girlfriend has been working

on the computer all day, walk up behind her and massage her shoulders and neck.

You get the idea! Kindness means looking at the other persons situation and seeing

what you can do or add to that situation to make it better or easier. This is a way to

validate your respect for each other. Kindness goes a long way in sustaining a happy

relationship.

#NUGGET14: The Act of Gift-Giving

A long lasting relationship is a contest of generosity.~Unknown

Everyone loves to be given a gift, especially as a surprise or justbecause. Just

remember while giving gifts is a beautiful thing to do for the person you love, there are

five key essentials for making your mate know that you are giving just because you love

him/her. First, put some thought into the gift. Do not just pick up something at the last

minute so you are not empty handed. Second, make the effort. Even if you have a busy

schedule, be sure to schedule time to shop. Third, give with the right attitude. You give

because you appreciate and love, not because you want something back.

Credit: Getty


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Forth, plan what you are going to give. Find something that is important for your mate

and not necessarily to you. Finally, add the element of surprise in the gift giving. Using

this equation is sure to impress your mate and leave a lasting impression.

As people grow older, in general, birthdays become less celebrated. Gifts are quickly

given, meal eaten, and it is over. For your mates next birthday, take some time to plan

something very special. Make this a true celebration of their life as a way of showing

your love and appreciation. Every person likes attention and loves to be appreciated.

Whether a surprise party or not, your mate will be impressed thatyou went that entire

mile to make them happy.

#NUGGET 15: No Jealousy Allowed

Love looks through a telescope; envy looks through a microscope.~Josh Billing

To have a lasting relationship, caring and concern are fine but when those emotions

change into jealousy, this could be the beginning of trouble. Trust is probably the number

one element needed in order to have a strong relationship. Without trust, things will

deteriorate. If one of you masters something special, receives a promotion at work, or

achievessome great feat, there could be a small spark of jealousy on the other persons

side. You need to talk about this and ensure that any feelings of inadequacies are

permanently put to rest. Everyone needs assurance at some time or another, and as long

as you communicate, things will be fine. However, if your mate becomes withdrawn or

irritated, this could be asign that more is going on. Once jealousy enters a relationship,

problems are sureto follow.

#NUGGET 16: Be Flexible

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect

person perfectly.~Sam Keen

Always remember that relationship is a give and take situation, not competition betweentwo people who love each other. There will be time when your mate is right and times

when you are right. When you feel the conversation is getting a little on the edgy side

with each of you trying to hold ground, do not forget that there can be many ways to

accomplish the same task. The result is that each of you might learn something new from

the other person. Put your heads together and do what makes the most sense instead of

battling for ownership.

Also, before moving into a relationship, every human being usually hasin mind the kind

of person they want to spend the rest of their life with. Some may want a tall, fair

complexioned, gap tooth, elegant, educated and God fearing lady for a partner. Some may


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want a tall, clean, good looking, handsome, educated, friendly and working class man for

a partner. The fact is, you may not see someone that has 100% of those qualities that you

are looking for in a man or in a woman. Therefore, there is need for you to be flexible in

the qualities that you want your man or woman to possess. If you are rigid in your choice,

i.e., if he/she does not have all I wanted, then you hadbetter get ready to stay a spinster or

bachelor for life.

#NUGGET17: The Grass is not Greener

A relationship is like a house. When a light bulb burns out you dont go and buy a

new house, you change the light bulb.~Unknown

Too many times, people get tired of working on the relationship they are currently in and

feel that by moving onto another person, they will find greener pastures. This is not the

case. What happens is when you move to another person, things are fresh, new and

exciting just as they were in the beginning of your current relationship. Within time, that

relationship will also start experiencing differences and bumps in the road. Unless you

are being abused,or your mate is doing something illegal or completely irresponsible,

perhaps the efforts you would put into starting a new relationship would be better spent

fixing the one you have.

#NUGGET 18: Embrace Change

Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It is a choice.~Fawn Weaver

There is no relationship on the face of the planet that goes for years and years without

change. People change as they mature. They view life differently, and they react

differently. Rather than get upset with each other over change, embrace change. You may

not always like the changes that happen, but do not throw a perfectly good relationship

awayjust because the trail starts to wind. Be patient, and encourage new directions while

being honest about concerns that might arise.


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#NUGGET19: Take Pride in YourselfHappiness in relationshipis a moment by moment choice. A decision to l ove,

forgive, grow and grow old together.~Fawn Weaver

Every relationship goes through down-time. Just because the flame has become a mildflicker, that does not mean you have lost yourlove for each other. Itjust means you have

to add a little fuel to the fire.

When partners have been together for a long time, the makeup come off, the nice clothes

turns into oversized sweats and tee shirts, and instead of cuddling on the sofa or floor,

one sits on the couch and the other in the recliner. Step back in time and start getting

dressed up more on weekends; invite your mate to sit with you on the couch, dance

together in your living room to some music, or take a walk, hand in hand. It is important

not to let yourself go even when your relationship reaches a comfortable state. Taking

pride in yourself means you take pride in your relationship.

#NUGGET 20: Communicate

The test of love is not when we are together. It comes when we are not together and

realize that despite the distance, love isstill there.~Unknown

When couples/partners are having problems in a relationship, communication is the first

thing to stop. It is often easier to just bequiet than to get mad. When rebuilding

relationship, just as communication was the first to stop, it now needs to be the first to

start.

Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop

communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really

bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever

problem youre facing.


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Healing in relationship cannot start until you talk. Get into a habit of listening to what

your mate is saying--not thekind of listening you do when you go out or sit at the dinner

table, but a different kind of listening.

Learn your partners emotional cues:Each of us is a little different in how we best

receive information. Some people might respond better to sight, sound, or touch. Your

partners responses may be different from yours. Take some time to learn your partners

cues, and be sure to communicate your own as well. For example, one person might find

a brief massage after a stressful day a loving mode of communicationwhile another

might just want to talk over a hot cup of tea.

So much of our communication is transmitted by what we dont say. Nonverbal cues

such as eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someones armcommunicate

much more than words. For a relationship to work well, each person has to be receptive

to sending and receiving nonverbal cues. Learning to understand this body language

can help you better understands what your partner is trying to say. Think about what you

are transmitting as well, and if what you say matches what you feel. If you say Im

fine, but you clench your teeth and look away, then your body is clearly signalling you

are not. Always pay attention to not only your words spoken, but also the tone in which

they are spoken. Be positive, cheery, and respond in a way that will confirm to your mate

that you are listening and truly interestedthat you have time to listen and communicate.


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In addition, add terms of endearment into your conversation. Instead of Good morning,

try, Hi honey, good morning!

Credit: Getty

If you are in a relationship, andyour mate serves in the armed forces and is overseas, or

in another state on duty, away in a foreign country for school, or is separated from you

for one reason or another, it is important that you keep in touch with each other often.

There will be stress from the separation but by keeping in touch and informing each other

of the things each person is dealing with, how youfeel, you will not have any break in

your communication. This is a very important time to provide each other with

confirmation of your love and validation of your relationship. While this will require

some extra effort on both parts, keep in mind that the separation is not forever and even if

your mates office is within a short reach, it is advisable that you call each other every

afternoon if possible, to know how the other person is faring. It establishes an

unbreakable cord in your relationship.


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#NUGGET21: I am Sorry

The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to

forget is the happiest.~Unknown

If you made a mistake by doing or saying something that is hurtful or damaging to the

relationship, dont hesitate to you are sorry. Many people struggle with these words even

when they know that what they did was wrong. It actually takes a strong person to

apologize. Do not wait until you think you have the courage, but say it immediately with

the correct manner of approach and with sincerity.

Too often when couples/partners argue, there is a long period of silence, which actually

makes the anger or tension worse. You need to let your mate know immediately that you

made a mistake and ask for forgiveness.

#NUGGET 22: Control your Anger

Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It is a choice.~Fawn Weaver

To be sincere with you, my reader, every relationship has difficulties. Attimes, there

may beintense argument,but for the sake of your relationship and for the love you have

for your mate, keep your anger in check.

While having disagreementis normal and sometimes healthy for relationships, the place

and degree of discussion are important. Always keep your disagreement private. It is very

important to keep integrity in your relationship.


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Being at a party or anywhere around family or friends and breaking into an argument is a

great way to break down a relationship. Not only does it cause embarrassment for your

mate, it also put negative lights on the both of you from the people witnessing the fight. If

you are in the public and think you need to argue, at least find a quiet corner or a separate

room where you can discuss whatever it is that is bothering you.

When people are angry, hurtful words fly, usually not even meant. However, after

spoken, it is too late to take them backthe damage is done. Another problem with anger

is that the word divorceor breakup can be easily thrown around. You may not mean it

but you know it hurts, thus making you the winner of the argument. NEVER talk about

divorce or breakup in your relationship even if just teasing. Whatever you do, do not

allow anger to take control of your relationship. Always remember the following rules for

a lasting relationship:

1. Never both be angry at the same time.

2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

3 .If one of you has to win an argument let it be your spouse.

4. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.

5. Never bring up mistakes from the past.

6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.

7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.

8. At least once a day say a kind word or pay a compliment to your partner.

9. When you have done something wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness.

10. It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is usually the one who does

the most talking-(Author, Unknown)


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#NUGGET 23: Start a Journal

No one can go back and change how it started but a new future for any relationship

can begin the moment one person begins to invest in it.~Fawn Weaver

Keeping your personal feelings and discoveries about your mate in a journal is a special

way for you to bring to remembrance the special things your mate likes or dislikes, track

the wonderful times you both spent together, and even help you feel better when you hit

an obstacle in your relationship. When things get a little tough, refer to your journal and

read through all the terrific emotions and goodtimes you have hadtogether, and you will

find plenty of reasons to make things right again.

As a wonderful keepsake also, you could create a photo album for your mate. Include

special childhood or teenage pictures, family, friends, special occasions, and times thetwo of you weretogether. When you feel as though you are drifting apart or taking one

another for granted, pull out the photo album as areminder of what anincredible person

you havein your life.

#NUGGET 24: Maintain your Health

Your healthy wel l being is the oil that lubr icates the wheel of yourrelationship.~O.G

Pius

You might thinkwhat does good health have to do with good relationship? In reality, it

has a lot to do with it. Having a good relationship means having the energy to enjoy

goingout and doing things together. To do that, it is important to eat right. When people

are tired, they become short-tempered and frustrated. For this reason, it is important to get

the right amount of sleep.


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Credit: Getty

Good exercise also, keeps your body in shape for being adventurous together. Taking

care of your body and mind will flow over into your relationship and make you a calmer,

stronger and better-balanced person.

Exercising with the one you love helpsyou make eye contact with your mate. You may

not think this is important, but think back to the first time you saw your mate. More than

likely, the first interaction was through eye contact. When you are exercising together,

make direct eye contact and offer a warm supporting smile. Eyes can say a lot! Enjoy the

short moments you spend with each other. Not everything has to be a big adventure or a

big deal. Sometimes the best times are the short unplanned things you do together.


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#NUGGET 25: Adore Your Mate

A wise physician once said, The best medicine for humans is love. Someone asked,

What if it doesnt work? He smiled and answered, Increase the dose.~Unknown

Beyond telling your mate that you love him or her, that he or she is special, and having

passion in your relationship, you should adore your mate and what they bring into the

relationship. What that means is to appreciate and love them for the person they are,

faults and all. This is true devotion to your mate and demonstration that you do not take

them for granted.

A major turn-off in major situations, not only relationships, is people who have an excuse

for everything. Forget that. Do not make excuses in fear of your mate not liking, loving,

or respecting you. Be yourself and if you messed up with something, just admit to it. Say

you had promised to make dinner, got home exhausted, and just did not feel like making

it; dont tell your mate, I had to work over time.Be honest and say, you know,I got

home after a busy day and I was too tired. Which one sounds better? This has taken you

out of the situation of lying and reconfirmed your honest nature to your mate. Dont even

think of using the kids as pawns in any situation. As much as you have the ability, always

open an honest line of communication in your relationship. It shows how much you adore

your mate and care about their feeling.


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#NUGGET 26: Reap What You Sow

Relationship: love is the reason. Lifelong friendship is the gift. Kindness is the cause.

Till death do us part is the length.~Fawn Weaver

Finally, this is an old saying that goes back a very long way, but it still holds true today.

If you sow love, forgiveness, faithfulness, honesty, encouragement and acceptance in

your relationship, then that is what you will reap. It is definitely true that what you put

into a relationship is what you get back.

Credit: Google

In the picture above, it is written, Serious relationship ends with weeding, but I must

confess to you that wedding/marriage is the begging of every serious relationship. In

addition to the fact that you need to meet someone, study the persons behaviour,

character and personality for a while, your relationship is not a serious one until it is

cemented before God in marriage. Every serious relationship starts on the day bothpartner says I do.

As you can see, relationship takes work. However, with the right attitude, a lot of hard

work, and some unique ideas on how to make it successful, partners can have a strong,

lifelong relationship. Think about it. If you invest in the stock market, you pay attention

to what is going on so you can make changes if needed. Your relationship is far more

than the stock market but requires some of the same strategies which have been carefully

outlined in this book to make it a successful one.


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Final Admonition

I, take theeto be my lawful ly wedded wif e, to have and to hold, from this day

forward, for ri cher or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cher ish. Til l indeath we part, and wi th th is ri ng, I thee wed and with my body, I thee honour, and

pledge my faithfulness.Pondering over the above sentence that is often recited during a

wedding ceremony clearly shows that relationship is not a child play. It is indeed a

covenant between two people cemented before God and it should never be thrown away

but rather, each partner is expected to invest immensely in it.

This is what the covenant oath you took ( or that you will take) on your wedding day

means: To be my wedded spouseis a recognition of the fact that you are not only going

to be living together but that you are entering a lifelong contract. To have and to hold

from this day forwardspeaks of companionship. For richer or pooreris a pledge to

honour and love each other regardless of position. In sickness and in healthsimply

means each othersdisability is part of each otherslife. To love and to cherishmeans to

seek the highest good of your partner. Till in death we partis a resounding fact that

marriage is a lifelong process and that you are bounded by the law as long as your spouse

live. With this ring I thee wedis an emblem of eternity symbolizing lifelong

commitment made to your partner on the day of your wedding. With my body I thee

honour and pledge my faithfulness shows that by Gods design, relationship is a union

between one man and one woman to become husband and wife.

Credit: Google


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My explanation above is not to scare you away from relationship but to widen your

reasoning perspective of what it truly means to be in a relationship. It is indeed a

beautiful thing to be in a relationship. It brings blessing if effectively managed with the

26 steps carefully stated above and at the same time it could be the worst experience of

your life if you allow anger, impatience, greed, unforgiveness and lack of love to take

control of it. The Bible was more than right we it said, He who finds a wife finds a goodthing and obtaineth favour from the Lord.

As you carefully practice the 26 Steps to a Lasting Relationship outline above, I am sure

that your relationship will experience a turn around and you will testify of how good this

book has been to you.

I wish you a super-fantastic journey in your search for a successful relationship!

END!

26 Steps to a Lasting Relationship © 2014, O. G Pius.

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Transcript of 26 Steps to a Lasting Relationship © 2014, O. G Pius.