25LeadershipPrinciples

Wining With PeopleDiscover the People Principles that Work for You

Every Time. 

By John C. Maxwell

“If you can win with people, you can win. Our people skills determine our potential success.”

The Readiness Question: Are we prepared for Relationships?

You are the lens through which you view the world. Who you are determines what you see, how you see others, how you view life, and what you do. Who you are is a combination of genetics, self-image, experiences, attitudes and relationships. If you see yourself as stinky cheese, chances are the people around you will smell bad also.

Principle # 1 : The Lens Principle

Who we are determines how we see others.

A leader must cultivate accurate self-awareness, a strong self-image, ruthless self-honesty, and sustained self-improvement. In a hotel in New Zealand, Maxwell discovered a mirror in the employee break room. Written on the mirror were the words, “Take a good look at yourself. This is what the customer sees.”

Principle # 2 : The Mirror Principle

The first person we must examine is ourselves.

Principle # 3 : The Pain Principle This principle is especially important to remember when faced with the challenge of leading difficult people. When dealing with hurtful people remember that they are probably a hurting person. Don’t take their actions personally. Look beyond the person to the problem. Don’t add to their hurt. Help them find help. If you are a hurtful person, get help.

Hurting people hurt people and are easily hurt by them.

Principle # 4 : The Hammer Principle Conflict is inevitable. Savvy leaders know how to manage tone and temperature when dealing with conflict. Be careful that you do not put winning the argument ahead of winning the person. Listen. Ask questions. Listen some more. Ask more questions Now consider responding. Timing is a big deal when faced with the need for confrontation.

Never use a hammer to swat a fly off someone’s head.

Principle # 5 : The Elevator Principle This is a great principle! What impact do I have on the people around me? A lifter shows up early and stays late, helps the people around him, and offers to go the extra mile. There are four kinds of people in the world – those who add, those who subtract, those who multiply and those who divide. A leader resolves to multiply the effectiveness of the people on the team.

We can lift people up or take people down in our relationships.

The Connection Question: Are we willing to focus on others?

From readiness, Maxwell turns the attention to the importance of focusing on others. The ability to think about people other than ourselves is the most basic principle in building relationships. Maturity should bring with it a greater capacity to check your ego at the door and focus on others.

Principle # 6 : The Big Picture Principle

The entire population of the world – with one minor exception – is composed of others.

Maturing leaders work to see things from the other person’s point of view. Failure to do so is the source of much of our relational conflict. We normally see ourselves in the light of intention, but measure others according to their actions. We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while we judge others by what they have already done. The leader works to see the other point of view.

Principle # 7 : The Exchange Principle

Instead of putting others in their place, we must put ourselves in their place.

Principle # 8 : The Learning Principle This principle is a demonstration of relational humility. The maturity process moves from arrogant – no one can teach me anything, to naïve – someone can teach me everything, to teachable – everyone can teach me something. Make learning your passion. Ask questions.

Each person we meet has the potential to teach us something.

Principle # 9 : The Charisma Principle “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you,” Dale Carnegie. If you want to be a “lifter” (Elevator Principle), get outside yourself, change your focus, and become interested in others.

People are interested in the person who is interested in them.

Principle # 10 : The Number 10 Principle Maxwell lists five things he knows to be true about everyone he meets – Everybody wants to be somebody. Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Everybody needs somebody. Anybody that helps somebody influences a lot of bodies. Somebody today will rise up and become somebody.

Believing the best about people usually brings out the best in people.

Principle # 11 : The Confrontation Principle “Conflict is like cancer – early detection increases the possibility of a healthy outcome.” Harmful relational strategies: Win at all costs. Pretend it doesn’t exist. Keep score – a record of wrongs. Pull rank. Throwing in the towel – quitting is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Conflict should be addressed as soon as is appropriate.

Caring for should precede Confronting people.

The Trust Question: Can we build mutual trust?

Principle # 12 : The Bedrock Principle Trust is the next big issue in building strong relational skills. To build trust with others, you must be honest with yourself. Remember, you cannot compartmentalize trust. Relational trust is like a bank account – don’t let your withdrawals exceed your deposits.

Trust is the foundation of any relationship.

Principle # 13 : The Situation Principle It is more rewarding to resolve a situation that to dissolve a relationship.

Never let the situation mean more than the relationship.

Principle # 14 : The Bob Principle This is the highlight of the book. And by the way, I have met Bob...maybe I am Bob. What’s up with Bob? Bob is a problem carrier, a problem finder, a problem creator, and a problem receiver. Bob’s would do well to THINK through their conversations (Is it True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, Kind?).

When Bob has a problem with everyone, Bob is usually the problem.

Principle # 15 : The Approachability Principle Approachable people display personal warmth, express appreciation, aren’t moody, are sensitive to the feelings of others, are authentic, and forgive easily.

Being at ease with ourselves helps others be at ease with us.

Principle # 16 : The Foxhole PrincipleFoxhole friends are few, provide strength before and during the battle, share your perspective, and love us unconditionally. Relationally mature men and women take the time to invest in foxhole relationships.

When preparingfor battle, dig a hole big enoughfor a friend.

The Investment Question: Are we willing to invest in

others?

Principle # 17 : The Gardening Principle Readiness to focus to trust to investment – mature leaders make investments in people. Relationships require work. Make sure you are investing in the most important relationships – marriage, children, family, etc.

All relationships need cultivation.

Principle # 18 : The 101 Percent Principle “If two men on the same job agree all the time, then one is useless. If they disagree all the time, the both are useless,” Darryl F. Zanuck. When the person or the situation or the issue or the return is worth it, then find a way to make progress using the 101% Principle. It will also enable you to make the best of a difficult situation.

Find the 1 percent we agree on and give it 100 percent of our effort.

Principle # 19 : The Patience Principle Perhaps the truth of this principle is that the process is slower, but the outcomes are more effective and sustainable success is more quickly achieved. All relationships require give-ups (things I give up for the sake of the relationship), give-ins (things I do for the sake of the relationship), and give-and-takes.

The journey with others is slower than the journey alone.

Principle # 20 : The Celebration Principle Invest in relationships by learning to celebrate with others. Realize that life is not a competition. When someone near you experiences a success, learn to celebrate with them.

The true test of relationships is not only how loyal we are when friends fail, but how thrilled we are when they succeed.

Principle # 21 : The High Road Principle Keep a fair-sized cemetery in the back yard so that we can bury the faults of our friends. Pressing the high road metaphor to its limit, Maxwell suggests that we stay on Kindness Street as long as possible, turn right on Forgiveness Avenue, and avoid Get Even Alley at all costs.

We go to a higher level when we treat others better than they treat us.

The Synergy Question: Can we create a Win-Win

relationship?

Principle # 22 : The Boomerang Principle Relational maturity is achieved when a leader can pursue win-win outcomes. Win-win is based on the premise that there is plenty for everybody, that one person’s success is not achieved at the expense of the success of others. Takers receive and never give. Traders receive and only then do they give. Investors give and then receive.

When we help others, we help ourselves.

Principle # 23 : The Friendship Principle Buckingham identifies this as a high level of engagement – belonging. Your understanding of people helps build you business. You treatment of people helps build your business. Your reputation for relationships helps build your business. Your friendship with others builds you business.

All things being equal, people will work with people they like; all things not being equal, they still will.

Principle # 24 : The Partnership Principle Some people naturally approach life with a partnership mindset. Leaders must move through the following: I want to make a difference… (The Self Stage) , with people who want to make a difference… (The Sharing Stage) , doing something that makes a difference. (The Significance Stage)

Working together increases the odds of winning together.

Principle # 25 : The Satisfaction Principle When we share our burdens they are divided and when we share our joys they are multiplied. Rich relationships create a strong sense of belonging. Rich relationships are bound by shared memories, shared growth, mutual respect, and unconditional love. This kind of relational depth is the pinnacle of winning with people.

In great relationships, the joy of being together is enough.

Thank You Very MuchSompong Yusoontorn