Picture of the Week ASU: You Just Got PUNK’D

MORE RAMDICULOUS SCANDAL

This is you (dramatization)

Saturday: World Marriage Day (do you take this world…)

Sunday: Grandmother Achievement Day

(tell grandma to do something)

Monday: National Prune Pudding Day (mmm… constipation)

Tuesday: Clean Out Your Computer Day (you sick freaks)

Wednesday: St. Valentine's Day (Happy VD)

Thursday: Battleship Day (beat a little kid)

Strange Observances (holidays etc…)

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Submit your photos at ramdiculous.com

because of our existence, but this only helps to inspire us to stick around even more.

Actually, with everything we wrote about in the last issue of the fall, we have developed a relationship with Dr. Hindman and are in very good standing with him. He does not condone our paper, but he is impressed at the ingenuity and creativity we have displayed through our commitment to this as a legitimate newspaper. As for the SGA, one of our lead writers was questioned the first week of school by the Vice President and had to come clean about everything. We had our backs against the wall with that one, but were able to finagle (oh, pretty word) our way back to a good standing there as well.

We hope that even though we had you all fooled and running in a panic that you will continue to support us. If not, that is your choice, but just know that we will know who you are and we will hunt you down like mice in a cheese factory. And besides, a good sense of humor is imperative to survival nowadays. But there you have it, the entire back-story to the Ramdiculous Page prank. And now you know… and knowing is half the battle!

--Samuel Clemens

The old adage, “All things must come to an end,” seems a good place to start this article. As everyone now is aware, we here at the Ramdiculous Page were viciously and savagely attacked during last fall when we began printing and growing our name within the prestigious corridors of our fair univer-sity. This has served not only to steel our resolve, but it has also aided us in expanding our paper and gaining a reputation all over the city of San Angelo.

Most often, people on the street, if they know one of our staff members, will stop them and ask them questions about the paper itself and why the things that have transpired did so. Admittedly, we here at the Ramdiculous Page, perpetuated a lot of the buzz ourselves through covert operations and with the use of subtle suggestion. But, once the ball was rolling on the uproar, which was only meant to stay contained within the community of our university, things began to snowball and, oddly enough, fall into place for the staff of the Ramdicu-lous Page. Soon, we were receiving emails, letters and phone calls about our situation; one person even asked if we would like to do a televised interview to clear the air of the rumors going around campus.

We declined most of the requests for interviews and air time, however, because we felt that we needed to preserve the sanctity of the paper and the identities of our staff members. There was one opportunity that was too good to pass up and hence, the Ramdiculous Page now holds a radio guest host position on the Bryce and Keith Show, which is aired on Ram Radio Thursday nights from 5:30 to 7:30. This avenue has opened up a way for us to voice our opinions to a greater number of people made greater if any of our readers actually will listen because they don’t have the highest rated show. But with our help and print capabilities, and the fact that our readers love us and hopefully will take our advice, we hope to help them achieve immortality. And let’s face it, how can you pass up the opportunity to learn at least one of the staff members identities (even if you can’t see the face).

All this aside, back to the point. The saying

atop this article is indicative of the true issue that needs to be addressed. Things have been very hectic and skewed recently, and to be honest, we are tired of answering the same questions about the legal issues we were dealing with last semester. And so, we here at the Ramdiculous Page have got to come clean about a few things that we have been doing of late with regards to the newspaper.

First of all, there is no way that, even though we are once again printing, any of the staff of the Ramdiculous Page nor its’ subsidiaries can in any way face any more trouble from the university. Additionally, as far as we are aware, the Ramdicu-lous Page is now on somewhat of an amicable standing with the Ram Page (inferior though they may be). Also, we have patched things up with the Student Government Association through a series of emails and conference calls. This may not make much sense to you, but we will explain to the best of our abilities.

The really great thing about the Ramdicu-lous Page, besides the fact that we are superb writers and all incredibly handsome, is that we are first and foremost creative geniuses. Our newspaper was borne from a random conversation that we decided to run with and thus, we have now established ourselves as semi-credible. But the best creative idea our staff ever had to date, was the idea that our last issue of the fall semester have the lead story proclaiming that our paper was being shut down. Do you get it now?

Yes, ASU, you have all been punked! We were never summoned by the SGA or

Dr. Hindman for infringement upon the Ram Page. True, we do like the fact that we are seemingly more popular than them, but we do not hold ill will nor was it ever our intent to piss them off. The entire story about the legalities, the law teams and court appearances were a complete farce. Come on, do you really think that college students could afford even one lawyer, let alone an entire team? However, as recently as last week, the Ramdiculous Page has discovered that there is some dissent coming from a few staff members of the Ram Page

Angelo State ' s Finest Paper Since Fal l 2006

Included in this issue:

Ram of the Week 2

Movie Review 2

Quote of the Week 3

Weather 3

Street Interviews 3

Fashion 4

Who’s this? 4

Thoughts To Ponder 4

Wasco’s Corner 6

Movies 6

Last Issue’s Answers 5

February 9, 2007

National Hooky Day

Volume 2, Issue 2

A

A

am proud of what women have accomplished, but I still think the man should be the provider♥ I hate war but I believe its necessary and we should always support our troops♥ I am very gullible♥ Sometimes I can come off as stuck up, but really, I'm just shy♥ I can be girly, but Im not scared of bugs, I like football and cars and I drink beer♥ I have several close girl friends but I don’t get along with most girls♥ I am obsessed with perfume♥ I believe chivalry is important♥ It takes a lot to make me mad and very little to make me happy♥ I tend to argue♥ People who talk too much get on my nerves♥ I hate loud music♥ I am easily distracted♥ The stars make me smile♥ I forget to return phone calls♥ I am startled VERY easily♥ I don’t like to be put in the spotlight♥ I hate it when restaurants interrupt everyone else’s meal to sing happy birthday♥ I have the worst handwriting in the world.♥ I HATE dry skin♥ I think it’s sweet when men are sensitive, but I don’t want a wimp♥ I am very opinionated but I rarely say what I really think♥ I hate when people think society or the world owes them something♥ I can be naïve♥ I spend too much money on things I don’t need♥ I am a nice person but not very outgoing♥ I’m doing the best I can but like I said… ♥♥ I’m not perfect♥

Hello ladies and gents. Let’s get down to business. I wake up in the morning and turn the TV. I’m just

looking for some way to get in a good mood so I don’t fall down the stairs on my way out. On a side note, I also get some coffee. But back to my point. When I turn the TV on, I want to see what happened during the night while I was sleeping. So I change the channel from the overly-monotonous MTV and put it on CNN. Maybe NBC. Or whatever I feel like watching. But here is a word of warning to those who watch news in the morning to get in a good mood. It doesn’t work. You see, go turn your TV on right now or whenever you get the chance, and I guarantee that you will see rockets, bombs, tigers, and bears (oh my!). This is not only anti-happy, it’s downright depressing. “Newsflash! 5 houses burned down today. And on a side note, Al Roker is running for president.” If that doesn’t ruin your day, I don’t know what will. My question is why don’t the new channels put some variation into their news-tastic lineup? Why don’t they save all those burned house and car bomb stories for the little ticker-thing at the bottom of the screen. Don’t get me wrong. I do care a lot for what is going on over there, but I don’t believe it needs to invade every second of our time when we are trying to see what is going on in places other than America and Iraq.

So I present this idea- I dare CNN to air a wacky news segment. Every day from 8:00 to 9:00 in the morning. I want to hear about the guy who flew a hundred miles in a lawn chair attached to helium balloons. Please, tell me about the double-faced calf who didn’t manage to survive. Please tell me about every possible reason why Philadelphia would want to replace their regular concrete sidewalks with rubber ones (bud light commercial? Anyone?...i got nothing). But I decided, since CNN probably wont cooperate and change their national

news lineup, I will provide the real news for y’all. Please. Do enjoy. MEXICO CITY - For most people, even the smallest bite of a raw chili pepper means a flushed face and a rush for a gulp of water. But Manuel Quiroz can guzzle down dozens of Mexico's spiciest chilies, rub them on his skin and even squeeze their juice into his eyes without so much as blinking. The 54-year-old Mexico City taxi driver said Satur-day that he has made thousands of dollars with his talent and wants to become the world champion chili eater. But first he needs to find an organization that can crown him with that title. "Chilies don't sting me. They don't affect me. It's just like eating fruit," Quiroz said at a market in the Mexican capital. Shoppers stared in amazement as he crunched on a habanero, the hottest chili pepper in a country that likes its food spicy. Quiroz said he discovered his talent when he was 7 and grew up betting people that he could eat more chilies than they could. He never lost. "I'm the best. No one can rival me," he said. His biggest windfall came when he entered a competition organized by a local television station and took home the $2,000 purse. Quiroz said he plans to try to get his abilities recognized by Guinness World Records. To his knowledge, no one in the world can swallow more chilies. "Chilies are the pride of Mexico," Quiroz said. "The world chili-eating champion has got to be here." Quiroz said he has never been examined by a doctor to find out if there is a medical explanation for his extraor-dinary endurance to the spice. "Why would I go and see a doctor?" he said. "There is nothing wrong with me. Eating chilies makes me feel great." PHILADELPHIA - Professional competitive eater Joey Chestnut devoured a record 182 chicken wings to win his second consecutive Wing Bowl, a gut-busting annual event that draws thousands of revelers to the city's sports complex in the pre-dawn hours. Chestnut, surrounded by buxom "Wingettes," had a crown adorned with tiny rubber chickens placed atop his head Friday as his winning total was announced. He also won a 2007 Suzuki Grand Vitara for out-eating his competitors - including a pair of pros who also advanced to the finals. "I love to eat," said Chestnut, 23, of San Jose, Calif. "Today I was swallowing wings, swallowing bones, whatever it took." Begun in 1993 by sports talk station WIP-AM and broadcast live during the station's morning show, Wing Bowl has grown into a massive event drawing a large, beer-soaked crowd and barely-dressed strippers to the Wachovia Center. This year's event pitted 15 locals against five professionals. The top local finisher was "Gentleman Jerry" Coughlan, who finished fourth with 167 wings. He also came away with a new car. "It's all about Philly," said the event's commissioner, former Philadelphia 76ers president Pat Croce. "Where else at six o'clock in the morning will you get 20,000 drunk guys?"

We’re not stalking you

Ramdiculous Page

Awkwardness...

Saying, “That’s handy,” when something is bene-ficial. Then realizing you are talking to someone

who has prosthetic arms. This section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that make a normal person

feel awkward… Submit your thoughts @ ramdiculous.com

Katie Mullan

THE MESSENGERS

RAMbelle OF THE WEEK ♥ I’m not perfect♥ I’m happy most of the time, but sometimes

I have a broken heart♥ I like to look nice but I hate makeup♥ My hair doesn’t always look good♥ I would wear sweats everyday if I could♥ I have very good manners but I rarely use them♥ I cry very easily♥ I am a lady but I laugh at dirty jokes♥ I love food but I can be picky about what I eat♥ I don’t like scary movies but I love to be scared♥ Sometimes I'm clumsy♥ I never hold grudges and I forgive way too easily♥ I think how you present yourself shows something about who you are, but I hate stereotypes♥ I could eat fast food everyday♥ I hate to study but I like making good grades so I do… A LOT!♥ I like to be clean, but I don’t mind getting dirty♥ I like the early morning before anyone is awake, but I’m not a morning person at all♥ I eat way too much salt♥ I am very mature but still act like a kid sometimes♥ I am not spontaneous at all and rarely try new things♥ I don’t like meeting new people because it makes me feel uncomfortable♥ My faith is the most important thing in the world to me, but I don’t spend enough time on it♥ I dont like close-minded people, but sometimes I, myself, am close-minded♥ I hate confrontation♥ Sometimes I am too focused♥ Sometimes I have a hard time saying sorry♥ I am often late♥ I think it’s rude to talk about people, but sadly, I do it sometimes♥ I

I’m a hopeless romantic. Some women would say this is a good trait, claiming it’s nice to meet a man who hasn’t had all hope beaten out of him by the insane women he dates. Other women laugh and tell me I’m a glutton for punishment. It’s like those women you see on TV who keep going back to their abusive boyfriends; the best friend sits beside her on the bed, dabbing a wet cloth at her wounds with that look of pity and anger washed across her face as Jenny says "But he loves me! He just gets so frustrated sometimes."

This is me every time Hollywood dishes out a trailer for a new "horror" film with ghostly images and women fleeing in terror. My little eyes get as big as pie plates as I think to myself "Gee ... this could be the one! I might get scared this time!" Then opening night comes and I’m smacked across the face again. Kicked in the gut, as it were.

In hopes of ditching some un-named hardships in Chicago, the Solomon family moves to rural America to start new lives as sunflower farmers. Ran-dom! The house is infested with skittering supernatural creatures and creepy stuff happens. The baby sees the monsters, then the teenage daughter sees the monsters. Then stuff flies around and the monsters seem like they're attacking, but they're really not. Then the real monster attacks and if you aren't completely stupid, you will figure out that monster's identity within the first 15 minutes.

Jess has come face to face with the creeping dread lurking within the walls of her new home and the only thing scarier than the creatures that grab at her from the dark are the things only her little brother can see. This is where the movie hopes to grab you. Little Ben seems to be in tune with these otherworldly forces, allowing him to see and hear what others can't. Oddly,

Ben’s responses to his encounters lean towards amuse-ment rather than a small child’s terror as we watch him giggle and chase the little dead things around the house.

The mom and dad leave the teenage daughter at home alone to babysit her mute toddler brother while

they make an emergency trip to the hospital to fix Dad's injured hand. The injured hand part isn't impor-tant. What is important is that when they return they find the house surrounded by emergency vehicles, lights flashing. Instead of immedi-ately freaking out, Mom says, dead-pan, "Oh, I hope she's all right." Nice work there. Not only that, but Jess’s parents are like schizophrenics, one moment telling her they love her and the next accusing her of self mutila-tion, making them far from approach-able. They could stand to take a cue from the mom in The Sixth Sense. The Messengers showed a lot of promise early on. This film opens right into a scene of people screaming in a montage of black and white carnage that completes its run at breakneck speed. Things go south

quickly from there however. Crows attack, twitchy little kids get grabby and it all seems like just a matter of time before Jess’ parents stop thinking she’s crazy and start experiencing the ghoulish fiends themselves. Mind you, all of this takes a loooooong time to happen. The plot couldn’t even fill up a page.

Basically, The Messengers is another exercise in overly used Hollywood ghost effects. It’s just pre-packaged, mass market horror. The title may as well be a 10-digit number with a barcode over it. This film blows and should never have been allowed the light of day. If there were grades lower than F, this would definitely be deserving of such, but since there is not, it gets a well deserved F.

--Towndrow P Snood

Page 2 Volume 2, Issue 2

THE WEEKLY JOURNAL by: George Ferguson

BSM Activities

Monday: Ignite @ 7:30 PM

Tuesday: Freshman Bible Study @ 7:30 PM

Friday: Logos Lunch, $1 Lunch, @ 12:00 PM

WEATHER: Ramdiculous Page

Kendall Brawner

Patriots

Upcoming Events

Baseball, Basketball & Softball

check Ramport

Talent Show UC Theater

Tues/Wednesday @ 4-8 PM

Quote of the Week

“She’s half Asian. Asians weird me out almost as much as midgets.”

Consumables of the Week

Drink: Dihydrogen

Monoxide

Snack: Pop Ice

Make sure you have at least one this week

Primetime TV

Fred Cordova

Bears

Erica Schalek

Cowboys

Falkland Islands, Latin America

What is your favorite pro

football team?

This Week’s Happenings

Page 3 Volume 2, Issue 2

Show Time Channel Day

Psych 9:00 PM 25 US Friday 2/9

Family Guy 8:00 PM 10 FOX Sunday 2/11

How I Met Your Mother 7:00 PM 5CBS Monday 2/12

Rules of Engagement 8:30 PM 5 CBS Monday 2/12

Bam’s Unholy Union 4:00 PM 64 MTV Tuesday 2/13

The Knights of Prosperity 7:30 PM 2 ABC Wednesday 2/14

One Tree Hill 8:00 PM 14 CW Wednesday 2/14

Lost 9:00 PM 2 ABC Wednesday 2/14

The War at Home 7:30 PM 10 FOX Thursday 2/15

Shark 9:00 PM 5 CBS Thursday 2/15

The Sarah Silverman Program 11:00 PM 53 Comedy Thursday 2/15

Volume 2, Issue 2

If you would like your ad to appear in the Ramdiculous Page please email us:

page@ramdiculous.com

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ARABIC SPEAKING COUNTRIES HATE RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Arabic is a foreign language. Lan-guage is a good way to communicate. Communication is a vital part of life. Life is a crappy game that I’m no good at and dislike. Dislike is synonymous with hatred. Hatred breeds contempt and furthers misunderstanding. Misunder-standing is a good way to end up in a fight. Fight club was a brilliant movie. Movies are getting worse the more time goes by. By and large is a funny phrase. Phrase is a way to word something. Some-thing wicked this way comes. Come to me, my love. Love is a complex and idiotic emotion. Emotion is something a woman has too much of. Of all the ones I’ve seen, you’re the ugliest yet. Yet in the end, nothing else matters. Matter is made up of atoms. Atoms are not very interest-ing to me. Me, a name I call myself. Myself a term of reference to ones’ own being. Being thirsty is a sign of dehydra-tion. Dehydration is a symptom that can cause horrible dysentery. Dysentery is a fancy word for runny poop. Poop smells bad. Bad is bad and good is good. Good, good, bad, bad. Bad, good, good, bad, good. Goodness shall be our triumph and your badness shall be your downfall. Downfall is sort of a way to describe a lot of rain. Rain on my parade. Parade around in your underwear. Underwear with holes is not a good thing to have on. On is a position for a light switch. Switch seats with the person next to you. You

are, without doubt, one of the dumbest people I’ve ever met. Met life is an insur-ance company. Company is someone who comes over to your house. House is a decent show. Show me yours and I’ll show you mine. Mine is what you do to get minerals out of the ground. Ground beef is a leading cause of feeling full after a meal. Meals on wheels help lots of people. People who are homebound are often depressed. Depressed tongues happen when you see a doctor. Doctor Watson, I presume. Presumptions lead to things being wrong. Wrong turn was a very bad film. Film strips in health class are outdated and boring. Boring people are hard to be with. With a carrot in one hand and pickle in the other, feed the bears. Bears lost the super bowl on Sun-day. Sunday, though not spelled that way, is a good dessert. Dessert is often con-fused with desert. Desert sands in my pants make me itchy. Itchy and scratchy were interesting characters. Characters are people in literature. Literature is informative. Informative essays are boring to write. Write a letter to the editor and let him know what you think. Think you got what it takes, join the army. Army versus navy. Navy SEALS are hard to find. Find waldo. Waldo Emerson wrote a lot of boring stuff.

--Albert Einstein

Page 4

Thoughts To Ponder

• If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players?

• Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

• Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

POETRY CORNER

I saw a frog the other day

In his pond he simply sat, and ate, and sang

Serenading nature with the inimitable beauty

Held deep within his profound croaks

Leading me to oneness with all that lay around me

Then an alligator ate him

And I laughed

The Third Half

After the basketball game Monday, Feb 19, 2007 From 9 PM to 11 PM Texan Hall Community Room

Come join us for an evening of basketball-related fun! Food and drinks will be served free of charge. There will also be various competitions with prizes available. The is open to the public so invite anybody and everybody!

BSM Dodgeball Tournament

Friday, Feb 9, 2007 From 6:30 PM to 9:30 PM Center for Human Performance (CHP)

6 to 10 people to a team Can be co-ed teams Pick up registration forms at the BSM For more info, contact Jennifer at 325-949-9636

TEXAN HALL STREAKERS Like most of you, I watched the Superbowl on Sunday; and like most of you (hopefully), I was ecstatic to see the Colts win. However, I don’t believe that either my own exuberance, nor your own could match that of two men I saw as I walked back to my room. These two men far outmatched my excitement (though I far outmatched their clothing). These scantily clad men demonstrated their joy at the outcome of the game by streaking around Texan Hall (technically I guess it wasn’t streaking since they had their boxers on). One of them had a Colts logo drawn on his chest, and both were yelling cheers for their team. This made me stop and ponder, what would drive someone to do that? Perhaps they were drunk; perhaps they were dared. Maybe they had lost a bet, or maybe they were just drunk. These were my first thoughts; after all, what person in their right mind would choose to degrade themselves in such a way. But then I remembered a story in the Bible* where King David danced for joy before a parade carrying the Ark of the Covenant into Jerusalem, and he was wearing next to nothing, and then in struck me: maybe, just maybe, it’s possible to be so excited, so passionate about something, that the only way you can convey your feelings is by running around without your clothes on. But then again, maybe they were just drunk.

2 Samuel 6: 12-15

Ramdiculous will be making weekly appear-

ances on Ram Radio’s “The Bryce & Keith

Show.

LIVE Thursday @ 5:30pm - 7:30pm

www.angelo.edu/services/ramradio

or go to ramdiculous.com and

click on Ram Radio

More Help Needed

The Answers from last week:

explain the dumbest thing in your or someone else’s life and ENTERTAIN Us. Make fun of yourself or others… You know it will be fun. Don’t tell us the name, and write it from a viewer’s perspective… Good Luck this week ASU good luck…

Oh and to reiterate: USE HUMOR, SATIRE, and SAR-CASM… these are the things to get you in OUR paper… if you don’t like it, try to submit some-thing to the RAM page, see what happens…

—Ramdiculous Page

For all you loyal Ramdiculous readers, we are still looking for more help. And we know that we asked for a article with “no hu-mor, satire, or sarcasm allowed.”, but come on… can you not get it… that is what we want. Be rebellious take a stand against something, be funny. Entertain us. I didn’t know that I would have to explain this this week. Don’t put me to

sleep I want to read some-thing that will keep my attention… something that you would read here… not in the RAM Page, who do you think we are, some newspaper who wants to explain boring things, or the greatest paper on earth… Who is exciting who makes fun of others, who throws parties for its readers (coming later in the semester)??? Why did you fail me ASU why??? The topic this week is to

Page 5 Volume 2, Issue 2 Ramdiculous Page

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RAMDICULOUS POLICY

Published every Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas State University system or this newspaper. We welcome all letters. Please include your name, position, and an email ad-dress. Letters are subject to laws governing obscenity, libel and privacy. All submissions are considered property of the Ram-diculous Page and will not be returned. Submit your letters via our email, page@ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration.

Hannibal Rising 1:40pm 4:45pm 7:50pm 10:40pm

Norbit 1:00PM 1:30PM 4:00PM 4:30PM 7:00PM

7:30PM 9:40PM 10:20PM

Epic Movie 1:05pm 4:15pm 7:15pm 9:45pm

Night at the Museum 12:55pm 3:50pm 6:30pm 9:15pm

Smokin' Aces 1:50pm 4:50pm 7:50pm 10:40pm

Pursuit of Happyness 1:35pm 4:20pm 7:10pm 10:10pm

Movies That We Want To See

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

let us know…

ramdiculous.com

WASCO’s corner

A ANGELO STATE'S FINEST PAPER SINCE FALL 2006

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