2017 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Handbook

TEMPLE EMANUEL Main Office: 301-942-2000 Religious School: 301-942-6011 www.templeemanuelmd.org

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▪ TABLE OF CONTENTS ▪ INTRODUCTION

WELCOME .............................................................................................................................................................................................. 3

HISTORY OF BAR AND BAT MITZVAH ...................................................................................................................................................... 4

COURSE OF STUDY

REQUIREMENTS ..................................................................................................................................................................................... 4

EXPECTATIONS OF BEHAVIOR ................................................................................................................................................................. 5

HEBREW AND YOUR BAR/BAT MITZVAH ................................................................................................................................................ 5

BAR/BAT MITZVAH STUDY SESSIONS ...................................................................................................................................................... 5

GUIDELINES FOR EXTRA HEBREW TUTORING .......................................................................................................................................... 8

STUDENT RESPONSIBILITIES

TZEDAKAH PROJECT .............................................................................................................................................................................. 9

SERVICE ATTENDANCE REQUIREMENTS ................................................................................................................................................ 10

FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES

REHEARSALS ........................................................................................................................................................................................ 11

USHERING ............................................................................................................................................................................................ 11

ONEG SHABBAT ................................................................................................................................................................................... 12

FRIDAY EVENING .................................................................................................................................................................................. 12

THE CEREMONY

THE TORAH SERVICE ............................................................................................................................................................................. 13

PARTICIPANTS ON THE BIMAH ............................................................................................................................................................. 14

WAYS TO PERSONALIZE THE SERVICE ................................................................................................................................................... 14

SPECIAL REMINDERS ............................................................................................................................................................................ 15

PLANNING

BAR/BAT MITZVAH FEE ........................................................................................................................................................................ 15

FLOWERS AND THE ONEG SHABBAT ..................................................................................................................................................... 16

RECEPTION .......................................................................................................................................................................................... 16

PHOTOGRAPHY AND VIDEOGRAPHY .................................................................................................................................................... 16

APPENDICES

APPENDIX 1: BAR/BAT MITZVAH TIMETABLE ....................................................................................................................................... 18

APPENDIX 2: TZEDAKAH PROJECT OPPORTUNITIES .............................................................................................................................. 20

APPENDIX 3: TZEDAKAH PROJECT FORM ............................................................................................................................................. 23

APPENDIX 4: PERSONAL SPEECH OUTLINE ........................................................................................................................................... 24

APPENDIX 5: INTRODUCTORY INFORMATION FOR PERSONAL SPEECH FORM. ....................................................................................... 25

APPENDIX 6: TZEDAKAH DONATION OPPORTUNITIES. .......................................................................................................................... 26

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▪ INTRODUCTION ▪

WELCOME!

“And you shall rejoice in all the good which your God has given you.” Deuteronomy 26:11

Dear Congregant: In the near future, your child will be called up to the Torah to mark his or her entrance into adult Jewish life. When your son or daughter reads or chants from the Torah, leads portions of the service, and delivers a D’var Torah, he or she will demonstrate, before God and this holy congregation, that he or she is worthy of being called a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, a son or daughter of the commandments, someone who can now fully participate in the religious life of our people. The information enclosed in this BAR/BAT MITZVAH HANDBOOK is offered as a guide to make the experiences of that day more meaningful to you and your family, and it is also designed to help you plan your simcha, the celebration in honor of your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah. We hope it will serve as a useful instructional tool for you and your child. While it contains the latest information, please be aware that Temple policies may change from time to time. Accordingly, we suggest you read it thoroughly at this time, even if you have had an older child who became a Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Temple Emanuel, as some of the current practices may differ from your earlier experiences. As your child's thirteenth birthday draws closer, you should consult this guide periodically to help in your planning. Temple Emanuel offers excellent function space and use of its kitchen facilities at very reasonable rates. This handbook contains information and guidelines governing use of Temple Emanuel’s facilities by you and your vendors. The clergy and staff of the synagogue are eager to assist you in any way they can. Having a child become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a joyous milestone in the life of your family; we want to make sure the planning is stress-free and joyous, too. If you have any questions or need assistance in planning your function, please contact the office staff by telephone at 301-942-2000 or by email at frontdesk@templeemanuelmd.org. MAZEL TOV!

The Board of Education

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HISTORY OF BAR/BAT MITZVAH Bar/Bat Mitzvah marks an important step in the spiritual growth of a Jewish child. It does not mean that the student stops growing or has attained a complete knowledge of Judaism. Bar/Bat Mitzvah is the beginning of a more mature understanding of Judaism as a way of life, and it marks the time when a young adult assumes the responsibilities of Jewish life. This is conveyed in the very words, Bar/Bat Mitzvah—the Son or Daughter of the Commandments. Although the concept of Jewish adulthood at age thirteen dates to the time of the Mishna (2nd Century CE), the Bar Mitzvah ceremony probably had its beginnings no earlier than the 14th century. The ceremony followed the attainment of the thirteenth birthday and was celebrated by the calling of the boy to read a portion from the Torah or the recitation of the benedictions that precede and follow the reading of the Torah in the synagogue. The occasion was usually marked by family festivity. After the boy had become Bar Mitzvah, he could be counted as one of the ten adults to make up the minyan (quorum) necessary for public worship. Although Bar Mitzvah is an ancient tradition for boys, the first girl to become a Bat Mitzvah did so in the 20th century. Temple Emanuel celebrates Bar and Bat Mitzvah for both boys and girls, and both fulfill the same requirements.

▪ COURSE OF STUDY ▪ REQUIREMENTS At Temple Emanuel, the process of becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah includes learning to read Hebrew from the prayer book, the Torah and Haftara; leading the congregation in a Shabbat service, giving a D’var Torah (words of Torah) and a personal speech; as well as performing a Tzedakah project. Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Temple Emanuel means that the family has made a commitment to our heritage and to our congregation and that the student has attended Religious School and is familiar with our Jewish traditions. In order to be eligible for Bar/Bat Mitzvah, a student is required to complete at least four years of formal Hebrew instruction. In addition, all students must be active participants in the Religious School program, and must make a commitment to continue on through Confirmation, which takes place at the end of the tenth grade. Whether your child is in 7th grade or at a higher level, he or she must be a student in good standing at the time of his or her Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Every student who will celebrate a Bar/Bat Mitzvah in the early fall (September and October) must be registered in the school.

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EXPECTATIONS FOR CLASSROOM BEHAVIOR Our school is dedicated to creating a respectful and nurturing learning environment, in which our students can study the Torah and learn Jewish culture and values. Parental support and involvement are critical to sustain this environment. We strive to meet the needs of all of our students, and therefore ask parents to share with us any special concerns regarding their children, and to work with us in addressing them. We believe most behavior issues can and should be handled by teachers in the classroom and/or the Educator of the Religious School. However, if a student is having difficulty behaving appropriately, parents may be asked to meet with the teacher and the Educator. The teacher and Educator will work with the parents to create a plan to help the child be successful, while ensuring that the classroom learning environment is preserved. Where inappropriate behavior persists, and interferes with the ability of other students to learn, the Educator, in consultation with the Rabbi and/or the Board of Education, may temporarily or permanently remove a child from the Religious School.

HEBREW AND BAR/BAT MITZVAH Hebrew instruction, an important part of Bar/Bat Mitzvah preparation, is integrated into the Religious School curriculum beginning in preschool through second grade during Sunday School in the form of receptive Hebrew vocabulary, prayer recitation, and letter recognition. In the third grade, students intensify their Hebrew learning and acquire the ability to read and write, as well as to comprehend basic vocabulary. Beginning in the third grade, the students attend Hebrew School once during the week, in addition to the Sunday session. At this level and through the sixth grade, the major focus of the Hebrew program is on learning to read and understand the prayers that are used in both home ceremonies and synagogue services. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah prayers are on the Temple website at http://www.templeemanuelmd.org/religious-school/bar-and-bat-mitzvah.

This is to be used to supplement the review of prayers during Religious School. It is the student’s responsibility to know how to chant all the prayers before their Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutoring begins.

BAR/BAT MITZVAH STUDY SESSIONS A specific time, during each of the Mid-Week Hebrew schools, will be dedicated to a study session to prepare for their Bar/Bat Mitzvah. At the time this tutoring begins, each student should know how to chant the prayers on the Temple’s website at http://www.templeemanuelmd.org/religious-school/bar-and-bat-mitzvah.

These prayers are also learned in the 5th, 6th and 7th grades. Tutoring takes place during the 6 months leading to the B’nai Mitzvah Ceremony.

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Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutoring begins approximately six months before the date of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The Cantor will meet with the candidates at this six month period to assess their level of Hebrew proficiency and knowledge of the previously assigned prayers.

If students have a high Hebrew level, and know most, if not all, of the prayers, they NEED

NOT BE TUTORED until four months before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. During that interim, they might be assigned to learn a prayer on their own, or just continue to review the prayers.

If the student needs extra support in Hebrew, they will begin extra outside tutoring at this

point. The tutor will help bolster the Hebrew, as well as instill a mastery of the prayers. Weekly tutoring sessions will be conducted, for the most part, by our B’nei Mitzvah tutor.

Every few weeks, the Cantor will work with your child, and the Cantor and Educator will meet with your child to study and prepare the D’var Torah (words of Torah). Tutoring will take place on the same day of mid-week Hebrew.

During this period of heightened responsibility, the lessening of extra-curricular activities

is advisable. This consideration will help avert any feelings of being overwhelmed and unable to complete the weighty and time-consuming responsibility of becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. You may also call upon the Rabbi and the Director of Education to help you fulfill your part in your child’s preparation.

Three to Four months before the date of the service, students will receive their Torah and

Haftara portions on a CD and begin working on the D’var Torah (words of Torah). They will listen to the chanting, follow the Hebrew and the melody, and repeat a few words at a time. Students may transfer their Torah and Haftara portions to their iPod or equivalent MP3 device to use during tutoring sessions.

Students are tutored in a small class model with tutorial and independent study built in.

Students take turns working with the tutor, reporting their progress, fixing trouble spots and discussing the portion. When not working one-on-one, students will work on their own, continuing their assignments.

Each student must bring the Torah/Haftara book, Bar/Bat Mitzvah Prayers downloaded

from the website to an iPod or equivalent MP3 device to every tutoring session. Each child practices independently during the session until the tutor listens to them.

Homework is essential and is expected of all candidates. The Cantor recommends that each

student study for at least 20 to 30 minutes per day during the four or six months that tutoring takes place. It is imperative that the students work on very small parts each day, OUT LOUD, a few words over and over, and NOT the night before the tutoring session. (This will be explained by the tutor and the Cantor.)

Parents should listen to their children practice several times a week.

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While you may not be able to help your child with the Hebrew, it is helpful to sit with your child to monitor progress and to simply observe the amount of time your child is dedicating to practice. If the Cantor or her assistant feels that the child is falling behind, then the Cantor will call home to discuss more rigorous practice or the need for additional tutoring.

If your child has been privately tutored in Hebrew beforehand, he/she must still meet with our B’nei Mitzvah tutor at Temple once a week. It may be possible that additional private Hebrew tutoring will not be needed.

Students must attend 4 Friday night services and 4 Bar/ Bat Mitzvah Ceremonies within the 8 months before their own service.

The following is our recommendation for effective preparation for the B’nai Mitzvah ceremony.

Enjoy the process!!! We are here for you. The process can be fun and not too challenging. The guide bellow will make the whole experience fun and easy! Hebrew Prayer and Torah/Haftara portion learning

A. Review everything you already know before beginning new material

B. How to learn new material

1. Read each verse OUTLOUD, a few words at a time, carefully

2. Listen to the verse played on the CD

3. Sing along OUTLOUD with a few words at a time, (5 times)

4. Correct any word mistakes you are tripping over, saying them 5 times

5. Sing that part without the CD. Listen to CD to see if you did it correctly

6. Read the next few words, and repeat 3–5 times

7. Once you have one verse complete – sing it a few times with the CD and a few times

without. If you have trouble STARTING a phrase, sing the LAST word of the previous

phrase you learned and the FIRST word of the new phrase 5 times until you can link

the two without forgetting how it goes.

8. Once you have done the above steps for the 2nd verse, make sure that every time

you start a new verse you FIRST sing the PREVSIOUSLY learned verse to make sure

you haven’t forgotten it or you may need to fine tune a few words/phrases

If you learn ONE VERSE a day … working in the above manner a few words at a time, repetitively, ALWAYS READING – never just listening – ALWAYS READING, using your finger to follow along, your Torah and Haftara will be learned in no time.

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Preparing your D’var Torah

A. General Understanding of the Portion

1. Read the whole Torah portion in English, just the actual verses translated – not extra

commentary at bottom.

2. Have a good understanding of the story or stories in it and the timeline of them and

how they relate to our sacred drama.

3. Study with the handout included in your folder, other resources, the major themes

in your Parasha (portion)

4. Arrange these themes by their importance/resonance, to you.

5. Look at the most important theme and try to convey the reason why you chose it to

be #1

6. Connect this topic to your life. What can you learn? What can you teach us (the

congregation, your guests) about it? What do you like or dislike, think is fair/unfair –

disagree with or appreciate about this idea?

B. Writing your D’var Torah

1. Write about the story or stories found in your Parasha, a summary of key events

2. Describe the major themes, in brief

3. Of the #1 idea, theme or story you want to focus on, write a paragraph about how

this connected to your life. Describe a lesson you derive from this story or idea.

4. Make a connection to your life as a teen, to the changes to come, to your world and

your family/friends/experience – it must be personal!

5. Make a connection to your future and your Jewish future.

The D’var Torah should begin with Welcome and Shabbat Shalom, then name your portion and #1 in Writing your D’var Torah and onward. You should then share what you did for your miztvah project; if possible try to connect a message or theme in your portion to your project specifically OR why we do a project at all. Conclude with thank yous, with what you hope to offer to the Jewish community for having become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, how you hope your engagement in Jewish life will continue and grow in the next years.

GUIDELINES FOR EXTRA HEBREW TUTORING Though many students can accomplish the tasks associated with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah without supplemental tutoring, some may need extra help. The Cantor will let you know if this is desirable, and will provide you with the name of a tutor. Tutors are required to maintain

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communication with the Cantor on a monthly basis. They will also report to the Director of Education for school related issues. Students may need additional tutoring if the Rabbi, Cantor, or Director of Congregational Learning decides that it is necessary because (1) there is a learning disability which might prevent the student from participating in a regularly scheduled Hebrew class; or (2) a child has moved from another area or school and needs to catch up to the level of Hebrew their classmates have achieved. Any extenuating circumstances must be discussed with the Rabbi, Cantor and Director of Congregational Learning. However, payment, time and location for any extra tutoring should be arranged between the parent and the tutor. In any case, the family is responsible to pay the entire bar/bat mitzvah fee according to schedule and prior to the date of the bar/bat mitzvah.

▪ STUDENT RESPONSIBILITIES ▪

TZEDAKAH PROJECT As part of our B’nei Mitzvah journey, we require every student to choose a tzedakah project. This entails participating in an active volunteer project of the student’s selection, i.e., in a nursing home, homeless center, or children’s hospital to name a few. Tzedakah projects will be discussed and decided during 6th grade, up to a year before the Bar or Bat Mizvah. Once approved and begun, the student will discuss it at the initial tutoring meeting with the Cantor (about 6 months before the ceremony date). All students should have a tzedakah project in mind by the 6th grade family education date (in the late fall). Students and families should spend some time thinking about and discussing it before that family education program. The Cantor will explain the mechanism of the project, including timing, supervision and approval. In addition, Ms. Wechter, or Rabbi Stone will be happy to help brainstorm ideas for a project. There is a database of projects and online resources for families to consider. A list of some projects (Appendix 2) can be found on pages 20 and 21, and a list of online projects by our students may be found on http://www.templeemanuelmd.org/religious-school/bar-and-bat-mitzvah/bar-bat-mitzvah-projects. The ideal tzedakah project should be at least four months in duration. It does not have to be completed by the date of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah, but it should be in progress. The project should relate to something the student enjoys – it should combine the student’s interests, loves, concerns for the care of people and the world into something active and altruistic. We do not approve projects aimed solely at money collection. We would like our students to build relationships, to create a project that involves more than a one-time collection, or singular visit. We encourage letter writing, ongoing visits or clean-up, volunteering over multiple weekend days for a few hours each time. In addition, the whole family may engage in the project together – as long as the lion’s share of the preparation, setting up, thinking about and crafting comes from the student. Some projects may be time-bound (only open for young volunteers in the summer, etc). If plans are in place, exceptions can be made for projects that need to be completed earlier than or later than the

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actual Bar or Bat Mitzvah Shabbat. As you will need approval from the Cantor before you begin, she will decide if it can be approved.

During a 6th grade program each year, the Cantor will speak to students and parents about the project and invite everyone to connect with her about their proposed project for approval. This will happen in person or via email. Students will be asked to put their proposed projects in a database for future reference. The project form may be found http://www.templeemanuelmd.org/religious-school/bar-and-bat-mitzvah/mitzvah-project-submission-form.

A project that the student is already engaged in is possible – as long as it can become more meaningful to the Bar and Bat Mitzvah experience. Simply continuing a volunteer project already required for school may not be automatically accepted; and again, before you commit to this being your B’nei Mitzvah project, the cantor must approve. Many students find inspiration from the Torah portion assigned – many parts of the Torah speak about justice such as feeding the hungry, caring for the earth, returning property and equality. (We had a young man support a woman’s shelter and visit, after reading his portion about rights to land given under duress to the only surviving heirs who were women.) Please do not hesitate to ask questions if you’re not sure and have ideas at the first meeting if not before; the Cantor, Rabbi and Ms. Wechter, as well as our youth engagement professional are happy to consult and help create ideas for your student’s project. It is our hope that this will become but one step on a life-long journey of justice and mitzvot, of finding meaningful ways our students can continue to grow passionately about our place in the Jewish community and the larger world.

SERVICE ATTENDANCE REQUIREMENTS

Communal worship is an important part of our Jewish identity. While “prayer” is private, “worship” is communal and public. It is our desire to encourage our young people to feel as though they are full members of the adult Jewish community. When children attend services regularly, their own experience means so much more to them. If it is true that Bar/Bat Mitzvah symbolizes our children becoming adult members of the Jewish community, then it is imperative that our young people and their parents begin a process of developing a commitment to regular worship. We require that you attend a few services each year with your child, both Friday night and Saturday morning so as to familiarize yourselves with the prayers, flow and feel of our services. Becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a family experience, and symbolizes not only leading the service but becoming part of our Temple community by sharing in our worship and events.

During the year of your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah, you and your child must attend (4) Shabbat services and (4) Bar/Bat Mitzvah services at Temple Emanuel.

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Attendance at these services will be monitored by the Cantor. For all of these service requirements a parent must attend with their child. If your child has been invited to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, parents may come just to observe the service. Streaming or watching an archived service through the website does not count toward the service requirement. The Cantor maintains a B’nai Mitzvah Service Attendance notebook with individual student cards. The notebook will be located on the table just outside the sanctuary. After attending a service take your card to the Cantor and she will stamp it appropriately.

▪ FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES ▪

REHEARSALS There will be two rehearsals prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, both scheduled by the Rabbi’s secretary. The first rehearsal is with the Cantor about ten days before the actual service. During this rehearsal the child reads through some parts of the service and practices chanting his/her Torah and Haftara portions on the bimah. Only the child needs to attend this rehearsal. The second rehearsal is with the Rabbi. It usually takes place during the week immediately preceding the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The child and his or her parents are expected to attend. During this rehearsal, the choreography of the service is explained to the family. The child will then run through the entire service, as well as their Torah and Haftara introductions, Torah and Haftara portions, and personal speech. Other family members who will be participating in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service are encouraged to attend this rehearsal.

USHERING The Temple requires that one or both parents of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah child usher at a service prior to their child’s ceremony. This serves three purposes. Adult ushers help keep proper decorum—especially among the younger guests—at the worship service. Secondly, by being there, you will see exactly what goes on, and no doubt feel much more comfortable with the choreography of the service on your own big day. Third, guests to our Temple will feel welcome when our own members greet them and are available to answer any questions they may have. Naturally, as you will serve for others, so you can expect parents of other candidates of your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah class to usher for you. The assigned ushering date will be sent to you at least two months prior to your child’s date. At that time, you will also receive a list of names and phone numbers of other families who will be ushering during that month. If, for any reason, you are unable to attend on your assigned date, you are responsible for contacting another family and arranging for an exchange of ushering dates. Don’t forget to inform the Temple office (301-942-2000) of the new arrangement.

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Ushering is an important element of the service, and it is imperative that each service be covered. Ushers must arrive approximately 15 minutes before the ceremony begins. The responsibilities involve inviting guests who are standing in the lobby to enter the sanctuary and giving them the announcements of the day. Occasionally, it may involve calming down children during the service.

ONEG SHABBAT The Oneg Shabbat occurs after every Friday night service and provides a welcome social hour for our worshipers and guests. As a parent of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah child, you will be asked to help serve at the Oneg Shabbat on at least one occasion before your child’s ceremony. You will be a member of a team that is responsible for setting up and serving at the Oneg. The Oneg Coordinator will send you your date of service and instruction. This is also a responsibility that can be shared by the whole family. When it is your turn to help at an Oneg, please keep the following in mind:

▪ It is necessary for all people scheduled for an Oneg to be there; your presence is essential.

▪ If the date for which you are scheduled is not good for you, please change with

someone else, well in advance of your scheduled Friday, or try to find a replacement. (lists and phone numbers will be provided) Once you have made the change, please notify the Oneg Chairperson for your scheduled night. Please do not notify the Chairperson at the last minute (i.e., the day before) that you won’t be able to make it. At that point, it is impossible to contact a replacement.

▪ Plan to arrive approximately 30 minutes before the service begins. Remember, Friday

night services begin at 7:30 pm. Your Chairperson knows exactly what to do and will be very helpful. It’s easy and can be fun to meet and work with members you may not already know.

FRIDAY EVENING The families of the Saturday Bar/Bat Mitzvah will have the honor of the candle lighting and the Torah blessings or, if the Torah is not read, opening the Ark on Friday evening. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah may chant the V’ahavta during the service. At the conclusion of the service, your child will chant the “long” version of the Kiddush and chant the Motzi.

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▪ THE CEREMONY ▪

THE TORAH SERVICE Most of our students will be doubled up for their ceremonies. The Rabbi and Cantor open the service with a welcome and a song. After several prayers, the Rabbi may call upon a parent or grandparent to present a tallit. At this point, the B’nai Mitzvah children will lead the congregation in the service. The parts include: introductory prayers, the Barechu, the Shema, the V’ahavta, the Avot, and most of the English readings in between the above prayers. The service is easily shared by two B’nai Mitvah and their families. The order of the Torah Service is as follows:

1) The Rabbi conducts the beginning of the Torah Service in our prayer book, during which time the Ark is opened and the Torah is taken out. The Rabbi speaks to each child and then hands the Torah down through the generations. The Rabbi suggests grandparents pass the Torah to parents, who then pass it to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Together the congregation recites the Shema and then the B’nai Mitzvah carry the Torah around the left side of the sanctuary and then down the middle aisle in a full procession. Everyone on the bimah, including the family, follows behind. Each family does the pass with a separate Torah, thus each student will carry a Torah during the procession.

2) The second part of the ceremony includes the Torah introduction and the Torah

blessings. Each child calls up three people (or groups) to the bimah for aliyot (the reciting of the Torah blessings). The aliyot/Torah blessings may be read or chanted by family members, a sibling over the age of thirteen, grandparents, aunt, uncle or close friend. The third aliyah is usually chanted by parent(s). The Bar/Bat Mitzvah student chants the final, or fourth, aliyah.

3) The Rabbi lifts the Torah and calls up designated persons to help dress the Torah. This is

a particularly good spot for a younger sibling to help with the crowns, breast plate and yad (pointer) on the Torah. The B’nai Mitzvah read the Haftara introduction, and then chant the blessings and the Haftara.

4) The Rabbi asks the congregation to rise as he returns the Torah to the Ark. The B’nai

Mitzvah stand next to the Rabbi. Each child now goes to a podium and delivers his/her personal prayer.

5) The Rabbi joins the B’nai Mitzvah at the podium for congratulations, gives brief words of

Torah and presents a Bar/Bat Mitzvah certificate. The Rabbi calls up the parents to congratulate their child.

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6) The Cantor sings a special song to the B’nai Mitzvah. Then the Rabbi calls a representative from the Temple who presents the Bar/Bat Mitzvah with gifts from the WRJ and the Brotherhood, as well as a one-year membership to KESTY, the Temple Youth Group. WRJ gives the Bar Mitzvah a kiddush cup and the Bat Mitzvah a pair of candlesticks. The Brotherhood gives each child a High Holiday Prayer book. These gifts will be presented by the Board member present on the bimah. If, however, the family has a personal friend from the Brotherhood or WRJ whom they wish to honor, that person may make the presentation.

PARTICIPANTS ON THE BIMAH Each family has the option of choosing a family member(s) to sit on the bimah with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. There will also be a representative from the Temple Board who will open and close the Ark (only if a family member has not been chosen to do so), and make the announcements at the end of the service.

WAYS TO PERSONALIZE THE SERVICE Parents have the opportunity to make the Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience a more individual one for their youngster by:

1) Having a parent or relative present the child with a tallit at the beginning of the ceremony, as is customary.

2) Handing down the Torah from one generation to the next by passing the Torah scroll

from grandparents to parents to child. 3) Honoring friends or family by inviting them to have an aliyah during the Torah service.

In addition to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah’s aliyah, there may be three other aliyot. Each aliyah may be read by one or more individuals. The third aliyah is usually the youth’s parents. This honor is reserved for those over the age of thirteen. (A transliteration of the prayer, in large print, is on the bimah.)

4) Honoring friends or family by asking them to open and/or close the Ark or dress and undress the Torah.

5) Having the parent(s) congratulate their child after the Rabbi speaks to the child. 6) Mentioning deceased immediate family members during the Rabbi’s reading of the

Kaddish.

7) Twinning with a Jewish child in Russia or Israel or in remembrance of a Holocaust victim. Please call the Religious School Office at 301-942-6011 for assistance in making these arrangements. Some information can be found in the attached brochure.

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8) Incorporating a Tzedakah or Social Action Project in the ceremony and/or reception. For example: donating bimah flowers or plants, designing table centerpieces that can be donated to a charitable organization, i.e., sports equipment with balloons, books or food, to be dismantled and donated to a children’s home, or making a donation of time or money to the charity of your family’s choice. A popular donation is to MAZON, a Jewish hunger organization. Additional information about tzedakah projects can be found on pages 17 and 18, as well as an outline to be used to describe your tzedakah project on page 19. The School Secretary maintains a notebook of tzedakah projects.

9) Sharing the simcha by making a contribution to one of the Temple’s funds. 10) Interfaith parents are encouraged to participate jointly in their child’s ceremony; details

should be discussed with the Rabbi. There is also an opportunity for non-Jewish grandparents to participate in the service by reciting an English reading. The Rabbi will be pleased to speak with you about any further involvement you might envision.

SPECIAL REMINDERS Saturday Shabbat services begin at 10:00 am. You will want to arrive early enough to greet your guests as they arrive. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah youngster will have time to put all materials on the lectern, and then join you in greeting family and friends who have come for the occasion. You may want to remind your guests that it is always good practice to be on time for services. Our Sabbath morning service is relatively brief, so latecomers are apt to miss part of the ceremony and may distract a nervous youngster by walking in after he or she has begun. Please remember, to safeguard the sanctity of our religious services, those participating on the bimah should be dressed appropriately. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a time for family celebration and should be marked by a joyous gathering of family and friends. The happiness of the occasion does not depend upon lavish gifts or extravagant parties. They may overshadow the sanctity of this occasion that marks religious attainment in the growth of the individual.

▪ PLANNING ▪

BAR/BAT MITZVAH FEE Currently, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah fee is $740. (Please keep in mind that this amount is subject to change.) One half of the fee will be billed at this time, and should be paid immediately. Please send the DATE RESERVATION FORM with your deposit of $370. The second half will be billed to your Temple account approximately six months prior to the date of your child’s bar/bat mitzvah.

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Forty five days before the ceremony, any remaining Bar/Bat Mitzvah fees should be paid in full, and membership dues payments and/or payment agreements, as well as school tuition and fee payments, should be current. If you have questions or concerns about this policy, please contact the Executive Director or the Financial Secretary.

FLOWERS AND ONEG SHABBAT It has become a Temple Emanuel tradition for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah families to sponsor the flowers for the bimah and the pastries for the Oneg Shabbat. Sponsors are acknowledged in our newsletter, Kol Kore, and in our bimah announcements. To sponsor the Oneg Shabbat and/or the bimah flowers, please call the Temple Office. (The cost currently is $350 for the Oneg Shabbat and $175 for bimah flowers. Donation amounts are subject to change.)

RECEPTION The Temple social hall and HaMakom are wonderful venues for Bar/Bat Mitzvah receptions. Any family wishing to rent either of these spaces should contact the Temple office as soon as possible after receiving the date for their child's ceremony. The Temple calendar is an active one, and it is important to make your reservation promptly. Rental fee information is available in the Temple office on request. In addition to rental fees, families will be required to pay for a security presence throughout the event. Information about specific costs and fees will be included with your rental contract. The social hall and/or HaMakom and the kitchen may be rented for a Kiddush luncheon following a morning service. Most luncheons are scheduled for three hours. If no Temple function is scheduled for the evening, the social hall and/or HaMakom and kitchen may be rented for a dinner reception. The usual time period for an evening rental is four hours, to end no later than 11:00 pm. The building must be vacated by midnight. As there are two or more families scheduled for the same date, and one of them expresses interest in the social hall or HaMakom, the second family will be contacted to inquire if they also are interested in renting our facility. If both guest lists are short enough, the families may consider sharing a joint reception. Another possibility, now that we have a new multi-purpose room, is for one family to host a smaller, simpler reception, while the other family uses the social hall. If both families express an interest in renting the same room, a coin toss will decide which family may reserve use of the room. First priority for the social hall in the evening is given to Havdalah Bar/Bat Mitzvah families.

PHOTOGRAPHY and VIDEOTAPING No still pictures may be taken during services. Posed pictures are permitted before the service or just before and after the family rehearsal. If there are posed pictures scheduled on the date of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, then the photographer must finish up and have all his equipment removed at least thirty minutes before the service is to begin. Within this framework, all possible cooperation will be extended.

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Videography of the service is permitted. We are committed to safeguarding the sanctity and intimacy of our religious services by presenting the following guidelines for videotaping of services:

1) Video equipment is to be stationary throughout the service in the rear of the sanctuary. 2) All operations are to be conducted as quietly as possible. 3) No blocking of aisles or doorways. 4) All electrical lines must be taped to the floor by the vendor before services. 5) No additional wires or microphones will be permitted on the bimah lecterns or the Ark. 6) Boom microphones on cameras are permitted. 7) No additional lights will be permitted in the sanctuary during services.

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APPENDIX 1 BAR/BAT MITZVAH TIMETABLE

This suggested timetable may provide some guidance as you plan for your simcha.

24 MONTHS AHEAD

▪ Notification of Bar/Bat Mitzvah date

▪ Reserve reception site

12 MONTHS AHEAD

▪ Music, reserve date

▪ Photographer and/or video, reserve date

▪ Decorations for reception, reserve date, begin considering options

▪ Begin fulfilling final phase of service attendance requirements

9 MONTHS AHEAD

▪ Twinning Program

▪ Prepare for ceremony (Refer to this handbook on ways to personalize the service;

discuss with the Rabbi and Cantor.)

6 MONTHS AHEAD

▪ One meeting between child, parent, and Cantor to assess prayer knowledge and

whether or not to begin weekly sessions

▪ Make sure Temple finances are current

▪ Plan guest list

▪ Inquire about hotel/motel reservations for out-of-town guests

▪ Select tallit

▪ Begin selecting invitations

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▪ Submit plan for tzedakah project

▪ Contract for decorations, make specific arrangements

4 MONTHS AHEAD

▪ Begin weekly tutoring session, if you have not already done so

▪ Order invitations

▪ Order accessory items (napkins, kippot, thank you notes, party favors, etc.)

▪ Finalize arrangements for hotel/motel accommodations

3 MONTHS AHEAD

▪ Mail invitations (including hotel accommodations and directions)

▪ Order floral arrangements for Friday and Saturday services (call the Temple office)

▪ Order floral arrangements or alternative centerpieces for your reception (florist of your preference)

▪ Complete plans for meals (either with caterer, own cooking, or assistance of friends)

▪ Prepare list of aliyot, give instructions to those being honored

▪ Print any personalized services, booklets, song sheets, prayers, etc. (Be sure the Rabbi and/or the Cantor have a chance to see them before you print them!)

▪ Select bimah honorees and contact them

▪ Call the Rabbi’s secretary with the following information: the name of the individual(s) lighting the candles, blessing the Torah, or the gift presenter if other than the Sisterhood or Brotherhood Representative, and if you are sponsoring flowers for the bimah and the Oneg after the service.

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APPENDIX 2 TZEDAKAH OPPORTUNITIES

We encourage you not just to donate money, or a percentage of your gifts, but to volunteer time and put in the energy to a project that means something. Think of something, a hobby or cause you are interested in, and how you can translate that into giving back. Listed below are some suggestions. Homelessness/Hunger Manna Food Center 301-424-1130 Mazon – a Jewish Response to Hunger 1-800-813-0557 S.O.M.E. –So Others Might Eat 202-797-8806 National Alliance to End Homelessness 202- 638-1526 54 Ways You Can Help the Homeless www.earthsystems.org/ways

Collect canned goods at an event to donate Centerpiece ideas-food, books, toys, games to donate to shelter

The National Center for Children and Families 301-365-4480 Blessings in a Backpack (children as well) www.blessingsinabackpack.org

Children Volunteer at Summer Camp – City of Rockville Dept. of Recreation 240-314-5000

Serving as a Teacher’s Aide in the Public Schools or Religious School Buy toys for children at Hospital for Sick Children

Donate items to Children’s Inn at NIH 301-496-5672 Save a Child’s Heart Foundation www.saveachildsheart.org KEEN (Kids Enjoying Exercise Now) 1-866-903-KEEN (5336) The Montgomery County Recreation Dept. 240-777-6810 (help out with autistic or disabled children) Montgomery County Volunteer Center 240-777-2600 Collecting sports equipment for a Children’s Shelter http://www.levelingtheplayingfield.org/about-us/ Volunteering at battered Women and Children’s Shelter Volunteer at Special Olympics of Montgomery County www.somdmontgomery.org Pull Tabs for Charity www.pulltabsforcharity.org

International Mitzvah NACOEJ (North American Conference of Ethopian Jewry) 212-233-5243 Interns for Peace 914-288-8090 Israel Cancer Association USA 561-832-9277 Lifeline for the Old (Jerusalem) 011-972-2-628-7829 Magen David Adom (Israeli Red Cross) 866-632-2763

Tel Aviv Foundation 212-447-6070 JWB Jewish Chaplains Council 212-786-5099 Raise funds that send Jewish Holiday packages to www.jcca.org/JWB Jewish Men and Women serving in the armed services

(continued next page)

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Environment The Rainforest Alliance www.rainforest-alliance.org Clean up trash in a local park or woods/call National Capital Park and Planning Commission—Volunteers 301-495-2504 Green Peace 202-462-1177 www.greenpeace.org

Animals Centerpiece Baskets: Have your guests bring or buy dog or cat toys to use in a centerpiece basket on the tables. The baskets are then donated to animal shelters. ISRAEL GUIDE DOG CENTER FOR THE BLIND—Sponsor a puppy! 732 S. Settlers Circle, Warrington, PA 18976 Email: igdcb@nni.com www.isrelguidedog.org Soldier’s Best Friend (congregants projects) 480- 269-1738 or www.soldiersbestfriend.org Providing service dogs to vets ISRAELI ANIMAL DEFENSE FORCE (IADF) Contact: Yasmin Deshe www.animalpolice.org.il

Twinning (in addition to a project) Sponsor a Bar/Bat Mitzvah student in the former Soviet Union or Israel through ARZA/World Union, NA 212-650-4280 Holocaust Twinning: Contact Louise Lawrence Israel 301-530-6868 AMIT – Bar/Bat Mitzvah Twinning 212-792-5690 Temple Emanuel Consider organizing a fund raising event to raise money for the Rabbi’s 301-942-2000 Discretionary Fund (which helps TE families in need), the Cantor’s Music Fund (which supports musical events at TE), the Religious School Fund (which helps with Jewish education programming), or the Global Mitzvah Program (to build shelters, to educate women, or provide safe drinking water in third-world countries). ------------------------------------------------

For additional ideas, contact Cantor Boxt, Ms. Wechter or Rabbi Stone

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Temple Emanuel Global Mitzvah Project

Temple Emanuel strives to fulfill Judaism's commitment to tzedakah, helping others to have their basic human needs met. Our belief in tikkun olam– God’s call for us to heal or repair the world- spurred us to launch the Global Mitzvah Project (GMP). A main goal of this project is to help underprivileged communities, families and children in low income regions of the world. Now in our seventh year, the project has raised funds to improve health, education, sanitation, safety, food, and self-determination for women and children in Guatemala, Haiti, El Salvador, Kenya., Tanzania, Uganda, Argentina and Cambodia. GMP donations have been made through partnerships with reputable non-governmental organizations, like Plan USA, American Jewish World Service, Engineers Without Borders, and Kiva. The project is carried out by an active, creative team of adults and students with support from Temple leadership. Participation in GMP activities is strongly encouraged for all members of the congregation, young and less-young.

In addition, the Global Mitzvah Project invites Bar and Bat Mitzvah students to consider doing mitzvah projects with an international focus. We would be happy to advise on any global project you might be planning and would like to hear about your progress and results. Students could help raise funds and devote portions of Bar/Bat Mitzvah gifts to support projects related to ongoing Global Mitzvah team priorities such as:

building safe group shelters for hundreds of homeless children in Port au Prince, Haiti who need protection

providing books , games and materials for new school libraries in El Salvador

helping children in Mbokop, Cameroon to use good hygiene to prevent illness and disease Please contact Caroline Smith De Waal (csdewaal@yahoo.com) or Stan Fagen (sfagen@verizon.net) for further information.

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APPENDIX 3 TEMPLE EMANUEL BAR/BAT MITZVAH TZEDAKAH PROJECT

Student’s Name:________________________________________________________________ Address: ______________________________________________________________________ Home Phone: ______________________ Email: _____________________________________ Date of Bar/Bat Mitzvah:____________________________________

Type of Tzedakah project _____ Donation _____ Service Agency/Organization’s Name: _____________________________________________________ Contact Person: ________________________________________________________________ Tel.: __________________________ Email: _____________________________________ What did you do? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Did you have a special reason for choosing this project? If so, what was the reason?

___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ What did you like most about this project?

___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________

What did you like least about this project? ______________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ Would do this project again? _____ Yes _____ No Could families with upcoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah contact you or your family about this project?

_____Yes ____ No

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APPENDIX 4 PERSONAL SPEECH OUTLINE

Your Personal Speech is a chance for you to tell the congregation your interpretation of your Torah portion, including what you have learned and can apply from it and the entire experience. It also is a chance to thank the people who have helped you and who are important in your life. You can feel free to be creative in writing it, but this outline may help you get started. A. Welcome, Shabbat Shalom

B. Meaning of becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah 1. In general, what does it mean? 2. What does it mean to you?

C. Torah portion (See page 22 for outline.) 1. Summary of the whole portion, not just verses read. 2. Interpretation

a. Rabbinical/commentary b. Personal: What do you think the message is? What questions do you have?

What do you disagree with? What do you like about it? c. What is the relationship to the Haftara?

3. How does the portion relate to your life? What can you take away and share

with the community?

D. Tzedakah project description and why you chose it.

E. Thank you (teachers, clergy, family and friends).

F. Closing Prayer: What do you ask for moving forward in your life?

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APPENDIX 5 INTRODUCTORY INFORMATION FOR PERSONAL SPEECH

My Torah portion, _____________________, is taken from the book of __________________________, chapter _______________, verses _____ to _____. In this portion: ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ You will find this portion on page _______ of the Plaut commentary. My Haftara portion is taken from the book of ______________________________, chapter __________, verses ______ to ______. In this portion: ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ You will find this portion on page _______ of the Plaut commentary.

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APPENDIX 6 TEMPLE EMANUEL DONATION OPPORTUNITIES

Over the years, each generation of Temple Emanuel congregants has embraced the Jewish tradition of tzedakah giving to mark a simcha or memorial occasion for family and friends.

Donations to any of our Temple funds provides the blessing of a double mitzvah - honoring or remembering a special individual and providing support for a range of congregation tzedakah and special activities above and beyond the basic functions of our Temple, which are supported by annual dues, school tuition and designated fees. The achievement of a bar or bat mitzvah has traditionally been such an occasion. Many individuals are deserving of recognition for their special contributions to this milestone – our Rabbi, our Cantor, our Educator, and our Religious School teachers and tutors.

The Rabbi’s Discretionary Fund enables support for Temple and community programs and causes deemed deserving by the Rabbi; the Cantor’s Music Fund supports music and music-related programs designated by the Cantor; and the Lenore Cohen Religious School Fund provides support for special Religious School programs. Each of these funds, or other Temple funds of your choice, may be particularly appropriate vehicles to continue Temple Emanuel’s tradition of tzedakah giving your family celebrates its special simcha! Mazel tov to your family on your son’s or daughter’s achievement!

Temple Emanuel Donation Opportunities

___ARZA—The Association of Reform Zionists of America ($50 annual membership or specify donation amount) ___Bereavement Fund— Donations are used to provide meals of comfort to a family who has experienced a recent death ___Bimah Floral Sponsorship— Provides Shabbat and special floral arrangements for the sanctuary ($150 minimum donation) ___Brotherhood—A service arm of the Temple, open to all men of the congregation ($40 annual membership or specify donation amount) ___Byer Jewish Enrichment Fund— To support Jewish programming and visiting scholars, artists and performers ___Cantor’s Music Fund— For music and music-related programs as designated by the Cantor ___Early Childhood Center Fund— Supports additional needs of the Early Childhood Center ___General Operating Fund— Supports ongoing Temple operations ___Global Mitzvah Project—Supports international charitable projects ___Henry Bluestone Cultural Arts Fund— Supports Temple Emanuel cultural programs ___Irma Marks Youth Group Activity Fund— Supports Temple Emanuel youth group programs ___Jacob Bello Rabbinic Humanities Fund— Funds are used for speaker fees and diverse Judaic programs selected by the Rabbi

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___Joyful Shabbat Kiddush Lunch/Oneg Shabbat Sponsorship: Provides for the reception following services ($325 minimum donation) ___Lenore Cohen Religious School Fund— Funds are used to enhance Religious School programs ___Library Fund— For the purchase of books and library improvements ___Marion Glass Capital Fund— Maintenance, repair and improvement of the Temple Emanuel building ___Mark Mann Pavilion/Playground/Landscape Fund— Funds are used to enhance and maintain the Pavilion and Playground ___Memorial Plaques—Bronze plaques displayed in the Sanctuary ($450 minimum) ___Michael Flax/Leon Adler Mitzvah Fund— Funds are used to provide immediate help to any Temple member in need ___Miriam’s Cup— Funds are used for speaker fees and special programming related to the goal of the Rosh Hodesh Group, supporting Jewish feminist causes ___Nanette Dembitz Berman Judaism & Social Issues Fund— Funds are used to sponsor lectures and presentations on Judaism and social justice ___Paul Shnitzer Ethics Fund— Supports programs relating to Judaism and ethics ___Prayerbook: Mishkan T’filah — Bookplate will list your name and in whose honor/memory ($36 per book minimum) ___Prayerbook: The Torah Commentary — Bookplate will list your name and in whose honor/memory ($72 per book minimum) ___Rabbi’s Discretionary Fund— For Temple, community programs, and causes as deemed deserving the by the Rabbi ___Sanctuary Enhancement Fund— Funds are used for maintenance of and special items for the sanctuary ___Sid Berger Israel Fund— Funds are used to subsidize travel to Israel by Temple Emanuel youth ___Torah Fund— Funds are used for the maintenance of the Torahs ___Tree of Life— Honor or memorialize a loved one with a leaf or stone in the lobby’s Tree of Life. Leaf - $180.00, Stone - $1800.00 ___Wall of Honor and Remembrance Plaques—A display in the Sanctuary of small brass plates honoring a special person/occasion or memorializing a loved one ($200 minimum donation) ___Warren G. Stone Rabbinic Endowment—Provides for the long-term financial security of Temple Emanuel by providing funds to underwrite the Rabbi’s salary in perpetuity ___Women of Reform Judaism— Supports a wide range of social justice and women’s issues. ___Yahrzeit Remembrances—To commemorate loved ones on the anniversary of their passing ___Zhava Friedman Torah Study Fund— Supports the Temple Emanuel Torah study group

ALL DONATIONS TO TEMPLE FUNDS ARE TAX DEDUCTIBLE.