Winter 2016 - Foster/Adopt PRIDE 1

FOSTER/ADOPT PRIDEINFORMATION, NE WS AND SUPPOR T Winter Edition

2016

Ideas and Hints for Surviving the Holidays

Foster/adoptive parents face special

challenges during the holiday season.

After all, aren’t holidays a time for joy,

happiness and celebrating together? But

for children separated from their birth

families, the holidays may be times of

grieving or sadness. So, here are helpful

hints from foster parents across the world.

“What it’s like to be a parent: It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love.” Nicholas Sparks

Talk about the meaning of the season. And not just your meaning; explore what the season means to them. Encourage them to share any traditions their birth family had as you share the traditions your family has.

Involve children in the planning and preparation of meals. Think about it for a minute. Aren’t there certain dishes or deserts that are a must for your family holidays? Find out if the same was true for foster children in your home and then be sure to include one or two of those as well as your family favorites.

Provide a quiet space or room where the child can retreat if he or she is overwhelmed or feeling sad. Make sure they know it’s OK to be sad.

Encourage communication with birth families. This might be letting children give their parents a small gift. Or take holiday pictures to share with the birth family. And be sure that siblings placed apart have a chance to share part of the holiday together if there is any way possible.

Fostering and Adopting is a calling for the Jones family, as evidenced in their comment, “We have been caring for kids our entire lives.” The Jones’ journey began years ago. Johnnie and Annie Jones have known each other most of their lives. They grew up in the same community. Mr. Jones recalled when he first laid eyes on his beautiful wife. She was about six years old. Fast forward about 12 years later. It was then that Annie realized her suitor was “a good guy.” They began dating when she was in the 12th grade and married the following year. And their calling to love and care for children quickly manifested itself.

Early in their marriage, the couple began caring for relatives. After the death of Mr. Jones’s mother, Mr. and Mrs. Jones stepped up and provided a home for his younger siblings. Mr. and Mrs. Jones became guardians to Mr. Jones’ niece and nephew after the untimely death of their mother.

During their 37 years of marriage, Mr. and Mrs. Jones welcomed five biological children. When their youngest son was preparing to leave home, they decided to open their home to help children in need of a safe and loving environment. At that time Mr. and Mrs. Jones learned of a nephew in foster care in Oklahoma and they started the extensive interstate process to provide a loving home for him. (Cont. Page 2)

One kind word can warm three winter months.

Japanese Proverb

Meet the Jones Family: A Calling to Love and Care

Winter 2016 - Foster /Adopt PRIDE2

Please don’t call me a Foster Child.

I’m someone’s son, granddaughter, nephew, great-grandson, sister, god-son. I’m an athlete, a piano player, an artist. I’m an honor roll student and a child of God.

And I happen to be in FOSTER CARE.

Words are powerful - choose them wisely.

-wefostercare

PRIDE is developed and published by UALR/MidSOUTH.

Visit our website at www.midsouth.ualr.eduCheck the website for the MidSOUTH location nearest you

and to find information on training opportunities.

Feature story courtesy of Sarah Stokes, Foster Parent Trainer

ABOUT US

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Jones Family: A Calling to Love and Care Cont.

They travelled to Oklahoma for him and returned home with him and his two siblings. Eventually, they adopted those three siblings.

In 2011, Mr. and Mrs. Jones became therapeutic foster parents. This specialized group of foster parents often provides care for children with extensive physical, emotional or behavioural disorders. While providing therapeutic foster care services, Mr. and Mrs. Jones nurtured and cared for several children. They began caring for a sibling group and eventually adopted those boys. They feel it is important to keep siblings together as much as possible.

Yes, this family has fostered and cared for countless numbers of children. They have raised five biological children. They are raising five adoptive children but , “Hold On”! Recently, Mr. and Mrs. Jones attended Foster/ Adopt PRIDE training as provisional foster parents. Currently, they are caring for eight month old twins. One of the twins has severe developmental problems; however, their skills and training have equipped them to provide for his needs.

To Mr. and Mrs. Jones and ALL the foster and adoptive parents who are willing to give of themselves to help heal the wounds of the children we serve: We offer a HUGE thank you for all that you do.

Someone said the other day that foster parenting is really “foster mothering,” with perhaps an occasional assist from Dad. Nothing could be further from the truth. During this holiday season, it is perhaps time to give a shout out to all the foster fathers out there. This is not in any way intended to minimize the importance of foster moms, or single foster parents, but it is intended to celebrate a member of the team who often goes unrecognized by society.

We all know that children, at least in part, learn their future parenting identities and options from those who care for them. So, as painful as it might be, stop for a minute and really THINK about the life lessons your foster child may have

learned before coming to your home. What has he learned about how “real men” act? What has she learned about how grown-ups solve problems? What have they learned about discipline or punishment or limits. And, if this is their third or fourth placement, what have they learned about promises for permanency?

Dr. John N. DeGarmo, who has parented over 50 foster children speaks to the critical role played by foster fathers in his on-line article Just for Foster Dads (DeGarmo,J.N., retrieved from http/www.fosterfocusmag.com). Not surprisingly, just like with birth families with very involved fathers, children in foster care need foster dads who serve as good role modeling of parenting, are actively

Every child deserves a CHAMPION…an adult who will NEVER GIVE UP on them, who understands the power of CONNECTION, and insists that they BECOME the best that they can be. Rita F. Pierson

In this issue

A story of care, love, and a life-long calling

1 MEET THE JONES FAMILY: A Calling to Love and Care.

2 TIPS TO SURVIVE THE HOLIDAYS Including foster children and honoring their traditions.

3 CELEBRATE FOSTER FATHERS

4 ‘ TIS THE SEASON More tips for families to reduce holiday stress and create great memories.

Celebrate Foster Fathers

3

involved in all aspects of the child’s life, and who surround them with love.

Through their actions foster fathers show children that there are other ways to parent then those they experienced in abusive or neglectful homes. They serve as positive influences in many aspects of the children’s live. They actively nurture children and promote healthy attachment as they become involved

in all aspects of child rearing, including those “mother things” like going to parent-teacher conferences, baking cookies, changing a diaper, comforting after a scraped knee or consoling a child after a visit with the birth parents that did not go well. They model a marriage that is a partnership where the spouse is valued, respected, loved and supported. And most importantly, they communicate love through their words and actions. Foster fathers help

children learn that their futures do not have to be a repeat of their birth parents’ lives. Sarah Stokes, Foster Parent Trainer

Foster parents do face particular challenges during the holidays but the reality is they can be stressful times for all families. When stress happens it can take much of the joy out of the occasion. Too often we spend this highly-anticipated time tired, irritable, tense, impatient, and simply overwhelmed. When we get “stressed out” like this, it makes it unlikely that our children and children in our care will be gifted with the positive memories of holidays we so desperately want them to have. But never fear: Here are 10 ways that birth, foster and adoptive parents can reduce family stress during the holidays and create more loving memories that they and their children can treasure forever.

1. Be realistic, not perfectionistic.We create stress when we have unrealistic expectations and put pressure on ourselves to have the perfect “instagram” holiday. Not

everything is going to go as planned or be exactly the way we envisioned it. See imperfections as inevitable, because they are!

2. Have a budget and stick to it.One of the greatest holiday stressors and one that continues to have negative ramifications well into the New Year is overspending. Don’t promise your children things you can’t afford. Decide on a reasonable budget for gifts. Be careful not to equate love with the cost or number of gifts.

3. It’s not your presents but your presence that really matters.Children of all ages treasure your time and attention more than anything. One of the most important gifts you can give your children is a relaxed and loving time together over the holidays. See it as your greatest gift.

4. Honor family traditions and rituals.Holiday traditions and rituals can help children feel more secure and better able to handle stress. Develop traditions that bring you closer and allow you to spend more relaxed time together. Make sure to keep activities relatively simple and inexpensive so they can be repeated year after year.

5. Divide and conquer.Don’t take on more than you can personally handle during the holidays. Make a “to do” list and share responsibilities with all family members. Let your children help!

6. Teach your children the joy of giving.The holidays offer the opportunity to teach children about giving, not just receiving. Volunteer as a family at a soup kitchen or retirement home. Let your children experience the joy that comes with giving. Talk about how

“A dad is someone who holds you when you cry, scolds you when you break the rules, shines with pride when you succeed, and has

faith in you even when you fail.” Anon.

‘Tis the Season... Ten Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress

3Winter 2016 - Foster/Adopt PRIDE

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happy you feel to serve others.

7. Children don’t need to buy presents for family members.Many children don’t have their own money to spend on gifts. Therefore, in the spirit of giving, encourage children to do something special for a family member (e.g., doing a sibling’s chores for a day, making and serving a family meal, creating artwork, writing a personal story or poem for a family member).

8. Take care of yourself and your family.During the holidays many people sleep less and increase their consumption of food and alcohol. Make sure you and your children get adequate rest, eat nutritious meals, and get plenty of exercise. Allocate a few unscheduled hours several days each week to just have fun with your children – play, dance, and sing together!

9. Get Focused!Strive for a simpler more meaningful holiday. Help your children remember the real significance of the holiday. Be sure to talk to your children about what the holiday personally means to you.

10. Count your blessings.Take a moment every day to be thankful. A grateful heart is an amazing antidote to stress. Sharon Long, M.S

Children need your presence not your

presents. That’s what matters.

Really!

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