Who’s sitting in my chair?

Self reflective practice for conflict resolution practitioners

DR CATE BANKS meinmediation@gmail.com www.meinmediation.com

Outline

• Who

• What

• Why

• Where

• When

• How

What ?

• 11 month program – “me in mediation”

• Group of 8 self selecting participants

• Practice of self reflection in the context conflict resolution

• Self and reflection – nothing complicated or fancy

• Using the muscle of reflecting on themselves

• Committed to practice

•Community of practice

What ?

• Three parts –Buddy work

–Individual work

–Group work

Who?

• Has evolved over time

• Mediators – different professional frameworks

• All nationally accredited

• Varying experience (years in practice and/or in NMAB accreditation)

• But all currently mediating

Why?

• Historical background

• Plea from colleagues

– Formal framework

– Intensive

– Facilitated process

Why? • The acknowledgement about the limitations of

neutrality and impartiality in the discourse • Self serving comments in the industry

– “gun mediator” or “game face” – “great settlement rate” – “not my problem” – “sometimes I know people really need me to share my

experiences to make them feel safe” – “good EASY side job to my other work” – “It’s not that hard, I am just changing hats”

• Debriefing, particularly for those in organisations and/or on panels treated with caution

How?

• Three parts

–Group work

–Individual work

–Buddy work

Where?

• Historical background

– Face to face

• 2014

– Group

• Australia wide via Google hangout

• All works through a google community – invitation only

– Buddies

• Face to face

When ?

• GROUP

– Every two months

• INDIVIDUAL

– Every day

• BUDDIES

– Every week (or fortnight)

INSIGHTS • PRIOR TO MIM (meinmediation)

– “I know I live in a little insulated world because I don’t feel anything after mediations”

– “I thought mediation was an intellectual process – so I’d run a process and go home. It was only until a colleague suggested I started focusing on me that I began to notice the physical challenges I was experiencing., and that they were directly related to how I was reacting to conflict”

During MIM – insights from group

• “For 20 years I have been caught in the reaction”

• “I have completely lost focus. I have been high on the importance of being successful and facilitating a successful outcome, the origin of that is from somewhere deep inside me, and it has nothing to do with being present as a mediator”

Insights from the group

• “The idea of the expert [laughs] Oh yes because I have some “currency” in my professional fraternity I have power– HELLO.. So people, this is my dirty little secret, I can now actually say to myself, I am drowning. I am drowning in this, and I really need to start figuring out what has triggered this”.

Insights from journalling

• “The process of having to journal has focused me on some things I just refused to engage with, like I am actually more judgmental than I thought, and what part am I playing in this dynamic?”

• “The writing helps me to focus on what is inside myself and what that might bring into the relationship to the parties in a mediation, however fleeting I think my interaction with them may be.”

Insights from buddies

• “I find it has been really helpful to get from work issues into spiritual, personal and reflective experiences associated with a colleague. Just opening up”

• When I was journalling it felt like such a slow process, I was in a process of denial, resistance, it was easier to avoid me because it was about the client. Just the process of talking to [my buddy] about this, made me realise that what started with the client was actually about me and if I got to that my work with the client completely changed because I no longer had to think “who is that sitting in my chair””

Insights

• “I have been practicing for 30 years, and I have never felt really comfortable. I have just been playing a blame game. Can you believe that ? For 30 years, I have not really listened, not really heard, not really felt, not acknowledged, not dug deep enough to find who I am, and what role I play in someone else’s conflict. I feel so liberated because I am so vulnerable, and I am authentically me”.