2011BoydGarn Smackdown 2.0
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Transcript of 2011BoydGarn Smackdown 2.0
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Revenue Enhancement on your Campus
for the New MillenniumMyk Garn and Ritchie Boyd
Managing partners
Swindle, Shake, Divert & Obfuscate, LLC.
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The Problem• State revenue support is at
an all time low• Costs are escalating• Entrepreneurism is
to be rewarded
The Solution
• A highly successful model already exists• Everybody Hum: “Fly the friendly skies…”
Costs vs Revenue
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“You Learn – We Earn”• Thorough review of your institutional processes and cost
centers• Top recommendations that will allow your institution to
Maximize revenue while providing the enduring patina of high quality customer services
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You are already making progress…• Super Size my tuition !
o “Up to 20 credits for the cost of 12!”
• A different rate for every student !o In-state, out of state, residential, left-handed…
• A complex and dizzying array of fees and surcharges !o Lab fees, Technology fees, Processing fees, etc…
• But – there is SO MUCH MORE you could do!
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Premium Technology services• Device Insurance – standard / premium
o $9.95/$19.95 per term, plus one free 256K USB drive!
• Tiered Wi-Fi accesso Tall (dial-up speed) – Free - Limited
availabilityo Grande (DSL speed) - $19.95/mo
Not guaranteed during peak use periodso Vente (1gbps) - $1.99/day, or $120/term
Instant Level 80 Shaman status on WOW
• But wait...There's more!
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“Student Retention” package• Preferential registration slots -
first in line to enroll in the classes YOU want!
• Personalized Tutoringo Email: $9.99 per class or .99 per use,
Chat: $19.99 or 1.99 per use, Phone $29.99/2.99 per use.
o During tests: 25% surcharge
• Student VIP lounge in every building
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“Retention PLUS”• Premium Faculty Access (after hours or 2pm, whichever
comes first)
• Concierge Beverage Service – Redbull and Lattes delivered to your classroom! Order via smartphone!
• Course Completion Insurance (if you get sick - our tutors will finish the course for you)
• Monthly drawing: “Get out of jail free” pass for Turn-it-in violations!
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“Course Content Wizard”• Taped Lectures are free.
Faculty notes .99 per session; Access to group notes .99
• Digital Content: Basic content is free, Pro Pak includes flash examples @.99 each, syllabus updates, and accurate page numbers.
• Content Upgrade Notifications (pop-up notification) “Do you want to upgrade to the latest content for .99?”
• Subscription Extension Service: Digital content updates beyond the class ($12.99/yr)
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Residual Knowledge Value Insurance• In many disciplines - the knowledge itself is at
risk - the currency of the information deteriorates at 25% per year
• Students don’t want to be caught underwater or upside down with old, outdated knowledge. Don't let this happen to you! >>>
• For $29.99 per course per year, your students can guarantee their knowledge will always be kept up to date (No need to worry - we provide a recurring perpetual-approved charge to VISA/MasterCard)
After 2 years
After 5 years
New Graduate
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“The Frequent Flyer”• Personal coat check and note-taker by request (availability
limited)
• Early bird seating for each class session in extra wide plush fully reclining chairs with surround sound
• iAccess to notes from 4.0 students ($5.99 per session - shared revenue with student, organized and prepared)
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“The Sports Fanatic”• Premium Tailgate Parking +
Seating in Dean's Skybox
• Cheer/Yell Leaders will "Like" your Facebook page. ...Repeatedly.
• In-game Twitter updates from starting players.
• Access to one Half-time Locker Room Pep Talk (must sign profanity and personal injury waiver)
• All for $39.99 per game!
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"Lord of the Classroom"
• Inflatable student: $2.99/session (M/ F/ Metro available)
• Intelligent Emulator (students using this service scored on average one full grade higher on tests and papers)
• Custom Transcripts. Includes unlimited upload access to national portable transcript database (+ 1 free upgrade to final class score, additional at $129.99 per upgrade)
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Get a Room...
Your Name Goes Here!!!
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Q: “Is This Seat Taken?” A: "Never!"
• Reserved Seating in large lecture sessions
o Front five rows are freeo Back row = 3.99 per session - 29.99 per termo Extra leg room / aisle seats: .99 premium/9.99 per termo Electrical outlet: .99 per sessiono Cushions: .99 per sessiono “Irritating Guy” insurance: $25/term
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"Cafe Courses"
• Bistro and beverage service during most classes, full lunch for noon-hour classes
• Complimentary cocktails for all classes scheduled between 5:00pm - 7:00pm
• A la Carte Content Menu. Learn what you want in the order you want
• A steamy hot washcloth after each lecture !
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Freemium Restroom Access• Pay toilets… with a swipe! (…of your credit card)
• Standard – cleaned once a week by students, generic tissue on stingy dispensers
• Premium – cleaned daily by professionals, fresh cotton towels, “All you can use” Charmin tissue
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For commuter campuses: Parking Lotto!
• Rub-off cards that pay out in preferential parking locations.
• Auctions, auctions, auctions: Not just the president’s parking spot anymore! Or choose from:o Faculty lounge pass (with 2 free drinks - top shelf
excluded)o Mention in an upcoming presidential speech
• Late for class? Valet parking with express golf cart to classroom service (8.99 per hour)
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“Faculty On Call”Our answer to escalating overhead• Increasingly most faculty will not be full-time but will piece
together careers teaching multiple courses for many different providers
• Never hire another faculty member again!
• For a 12% fee we are your national leader in world-class faculty placement services - providing one-stop hiring and firing HR service for universities - and finding adjunct employment opportunities for faculty
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“Faculty On Call”Our answer to escalating overhead• Vetted though national criminal, sex offender
and no-fly lists
• Our guarantee: Most of our Faculty On Call will be content specialists in the areas they teach!
• Note: While many faculty reside in the US not all faculty may be US residents
• Low-cost group health insurance as a benefit
• We'll make you an offer you can't refuse!
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You Learn - We EarnA Way Forward - with Maximum Revenue
Keep college profitable
Education that earns
Generate maximum revenue
Get more out of college (students)
Elevate your bottom-line
Realize increased sustainability