2009 ELO Promising Practices-2009 ELO Promising Practices-Proven Strategies Conference Proven Strategies Conference

Strategies for Success: Strategies for Success: Discipline with Discipline with Love and LogicLove and Logic

Presented by Cindy Renehan Presented by Cindy Renehan clrenehan@wyasd.k12.pa.us

Created by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, MD, Golden, ColoradoCreated by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, MD, Golden, Coloradowww.loveandlogic.comwww.loveandlogic.com

The Love and Logic Process –

Love allows children to

grow through their mistakes.

Logic allows them to live

with consequences

of their choices.

Clock BuddiesClock Buddies

Image source: SMART Notebook

Elbow PartnersElbow Partners

Happy -Happy -

Bashful –Bashful –

Sleepy – Sleepy –

Grumpy - Grumpy -

The Rules of Love & LogicThe Rules of Love & LogicRule #1: Rule #1:

Adults set firm limits in loving waysAdults set firm limits in loving ways without anger, lecture or threats.without anger, lecture or threats.

Rule #2: Rule #2: When a child causes a problem, theWhen a child causes a problem, the

adult hands it back in loving ways.adult hands it back in loving ways.

Here’s how we’ll do it….Here’s how we’ll do it….

1.1. Shared controlShared control2. Shared thinking and decision-making2. Shared thinking and decision-making

3. Equal shares of consequences with empathy3. Equal shares of consequences with empathy4. Maintain the child’s self-concept4. Maintain the child’s self-concept

Shared ControlShared Control

Shared control: Gain control by giving Shared control: Gain control by giving away the control you don’t need by away the control you don’t need by using these strategies:using these strategies:

Ask questionsAsk questions Share control on the adult’s termsShare control on the adult’s terms Smile and WhisperSmile and Whisper Use enforceable statementsUse enforceable statements Use the broken record techniqueUse the broken record technique

Shared Thinking andShared Thinking and Decision Making Decision Making

Shared thinking and decision-making: Shared thinking and decision-making: Provide opportunities for the child to Provide opportunities for the child to do the greatest amount of thinking do the greatest amount of thinking and decision-making.and decision-making.

Use thinking words versus fighting Use thinking words versus fighting words.words.

Implement a predictable routine.Implement a predictable routine.

Allow children to live with the Allow children to live with the consequences of their decisions.consequences of their decisions.

Equal Balance of Consequences Equal Balance of Consequences and Empathyand Empathy

Equal shares of consequences with Equal shares of consequences with empathy: An absence of anger empathy: An absence of anger causes a child to think and learn causes a child to think and learn from his or her mistakes.from his or her mistakes.

Use the “Uh Oh” SongUse the “Uh Oh” Song

Lead with an empathetic responseLead with an empathetic response

Delay consequences until the child Delay consequences until the child is in the thinking stateis in the thinking state

Maintain Self-ConceptMaintain Self-Concept

Increased self-concept leads to Increased self-concept leads to improved behavior and improved improved behavior and improved achievement.achievement.

Ask questionsAsk questions

Use Attribution TheoryUse Attribution Theory

Child makes the decision and lives with the Child makes the decision and lives with the consequences of the decisionconsequences of the decision

Neutralize argumentsNeutralize arguments ““I care enough about you to help you I care enough about you to help you

to listen.”to listen.” ““I love you too much to argue.”I love you too much to argue.”

Image source: www.loveandlogic.com

You cannot make a child do what he or she chooses not to do!

The Importance of Shared ControlThe Importance of Shared Control

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The Importance of The Importance of Shared ControlShared Control

Lack of Control:Lack of Control: Look at you like they don’t understandLook at you like they don’t understand Move v e r y slowlyMove v e r y slowly Say “Yes” and do the oppositeSay “Yes” and do the opposite ““Forget” what to doForget” what to do Pretend not to hear youPretend not to hear you Argue, complain, and make the adult angryArgue, complain, and make the adult angry

Feeling in Control:Feeling in Control: Demonstrate improved self-controlDemonstrate improved self-control Make better decisionsMake better decisions Are generally more cooperativeAre generally more cooperative

Delivering Delivering Empathetic ResponsesEmpathetic Responses

Benefits of delivering consequences with Benefits of delivering consequences with empathy.empathy.

Examples of empathetic responses:Examples of empathetic responses: This must really hurt and ________ (Fill This must really hurt and ________ (Fill

in consequences)in consequences) This so sad, and ___________.This so sad, and ___________. Oh I’m so sorry, and ___________.Oh I’m so sorry, and ___________.

Keep your empathy simple and repetitive.Keep your empathy simple and repetitive. Try to find a response you already know.Try to find a response you already know. Remember the power of nonverbal Remember the power of nonverbal

communication… the 90% rule!communication… the 90% rule!

The Art of The Art of Enforceable StatementsEnforceable Statements

Ineffective TechniqueIneffective Technique Love & Logic TechniqueLove & Logic Technique

Pick up those toys now. And I Pick up those toys now. And I mean it!mean it!

Everyone who picks up toys Everyone who picks up toys welcome to join us outside.welcome to join us outside.

If you can’t remember your If you can’t remember your pencil, you’re just going to have pencil, you’re just going to have to do without.to do without.

Feel free to borrow from Feel free to borrow from anyone but me.anyone but me.

Quit breaking the rules of the Quit breaking the rules of the gamegame

Those who can follow the rules Those who can follow the rules are welcome to play the game.are welcome to play the game.

Maintaining Authority in the Maintaining Authority in the Adult/Child RelationshipAdult/Child Relationship

How to erode authority in the How to erode authority in the classroom:classroom:

Common statements that erode Common statements that erode teacher authority teacher authority (Threats)(Threats)

Wise teachers never tell kids what to Wise teachers never tell kids what to do. Instead, they tell them what do. Instead, they tell them what they they will do.will do.

Maintaining Authority in the Maintaining Authority in the Adult/Child RelationshipAdult/Child Relationship

Statements that maintain authority Statements that maintain authority (Enforceable Statements)(Enforceable Statements)

1.1. I’ll listen as soon as your voice is as calm I’ll listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mineas mine

2.2. I respect you too much to argue.I respect you too much to argue.3.3. I take quiet groups to recess.I take quiet groups to recess.4.4. I give directions when I see that you’re I give directions when I see that you’re

ready.ready.5.5. I feel really sad for students who aren’t I feel really sad for students who aren’t

prepared with their materials.prepared with their materials.6.6. I allow students to stay in my group when I allow students to stay in my group when

they aren’t causing a problem for they aren’t causing a problem for anybody else.anybody else.

7.7. I listen to children with their hands raised.I listen to children with their hands raised.

Skills I Know And Want To Skills I Know And Want To PracticePractice

Identify three students with whom you will Identify three students with whom you will practice your new skills.practice your new skills.

List the students’ names on the top of the List the students’ names on the top of the chart.chart.

Check off the skill you will practice with Check off the skill you will practice with each child.each child.

Remember to be patient with yourself! Remember to be patient with yourself! Your skills will grow as you practice.Your skills will grow as you practice.

Walking In RhythmWalking In Rhythm

Identify 3 new understandings as a result Identify 3 new understandings as a result of this session.of this session.

List 2 strategies to address specific List 2 strategies to address specific repeated or expected behaviors.repeated or expected behaviors.

Write one question for further discussion.Write one question for further discussion.

Be prepared to share your responses as Be prepared to share your responses as we play Walking In Rhythm!we play Walking In Rhythm!

Enjoy your newly found skills!!!!!Enjoy your newly found skills!!!!!

Model for children how a well-put-together adults

handles him or herself.