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2006 NSBA Convention 2

Cowboy Words of Wisdom

Life is simpler when you plough around the stump.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not

yelled.Forgive your enemies. It messes with their minds.

Dont corner something meaner than you.

Remember, silence is sometimes the best answer.

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Coping With Difficult People

Dr. Robert Bramson

Dealing With People YouCant Stand

Dr. Rick Brinkman & Dr. Rick Kirschner

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10Most Unwanted List

1. Tank

Confrontational, pointed & angry

The ultimate in pushy behavior

2. Sniper

Rude comments, biting sarcasm

Attempts to make you look foolish

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3. Grenade

After initial calm, explodes into

uncontrolled ranting & raving

4. Know-it-All

Has a low tolerance for correction and

contradiction

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5. Think-They-Know-It-All

Attempt to fool some or all of the people

most of the time

Really an attempt to get attention

6. Yes Person

Say yes without thinking thingsthrough

An attempt to please people and avoid

confrontation

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7. Maybe Person

Procrastinates in hope that a better

choice will present itself

8. Nothing Person

No verbal feedback

No non-verbal feedback

Nothing

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9. NO Person

Able to defeat big ideas with a single

syllable

Deadly to morale

10. Whiner

Feel overwhelmed by an unfair world

Misery loves company and they bring

their problems to you

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Four

Choices

These are the difficult people that

most people cannot stand workingwith, talking to, or dealing with.

You have four options:

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1st Choice

1. Stay and do nothing

Leads to suffering and complaining tosomeone who can do nothing about it

Can be dangerous because frustration buildsand gets worse over time

Complaining to people who can do nothingtends to lower morale

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2nd C

hoice2. Vote with your feet

Not all situations are resolvable and some arejust not worth resolving

If everything you say makes matters worse,remember, discretion is the better part of valor

Eleanor Roosevelt said, Youre nobodysvictim without your permission.

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3rd C

hoice3. Change your attitude about your

fellow board members

Learn to: see them differently, listen to themdifferently and feel differently around them

Change your attitude to set you free from your

reaction to the problem you see in theirbehavior

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4th C

hoice4. Change your behavior

Change the way you deal with people and theywill need to learn new ways to deal with you

Once you know what needs to be done andhow to do, you will be able to take charge of an

unpleasant situation and redirect its result

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Observations About People

People:

Are creatures of habit

Behave in certain ways to meet their needs

Observations:

How we communicate is a habit When our needs are not met, we react

Stronger the need, the stronger the reaction

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Lens of Understanding

Everybody responds to different situations

predictably during times of challenge, difficulty,or stress.

People tend to move outside their behaviorcomfort zone and become either more passive

or more aggressive than normal.

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PatternsFor a better understanding of a personspredictable behavior during times of duress, look

for patterns of behavior to determine whatpeople usually focus their attention on in a givensituation.

People vs. TaskAssertive vs. Cooperative

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People Focus

Assertive Cooperative

Task Focus

Normal Zone

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People Focus


Task Focus

Normal Zone

GRENADE

SNIPER

THINK-THEY-KNOW-IT-ALL

NOTHING

YES Person

MAYBE Person

TANK

SNIPER

KNOW-IT-ALL NOTHING Person

NO Person

WHINER

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COMMUNICATION PROFILE GRIDCOMMUNICATION PROFILE GRIDPEOPLEPEOPLE

TASKTASK

AASS

SS

EERRTT

IIVV

EE

CC

OO

OO

PPEERR

AATT

II

VVEE

00

1010

2020

1010

10101010

2020

20202020

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COMMUNICATION PROFILE GRIDCOMMUNICATION PROFILE GRIDPEOPLEPEOPLE

TASKTASK

AA

SSSS

EERR

TTII

VVEE

CC

OOOO

PPEE

RRAA

TTII

VVEE

00

1010

2020

1010

10101010

2020

20202020

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Question #

1

List 5-8 words that describeyour groups behavior style.

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The Nail Game

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Observers

Report

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Four General Intents

1. Get the job done.

2. Get the job done right.

3. Get along with people.

4. Get appreciation from people.

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Styles

Style Intent Observation

Driver Get it done Controlling

Analytical Get it right Perfectionist

Amiable Get along Seeks Approval

Expressive Appreciation Seeks Attention

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THE FOUR COMMUNICATION STYLES

People Focus

Task Focus

Ass

ertive

C

oo

perat

ive

Amiable

AnalyticalDriver

Expressive

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WhichS

tyle?Just do it. Whats next on the agenda?

(Task/Aggressive - Driver)

I think Ill double check your figures.

(Task/Passive - Analytical)

Come see the award I won today.

(People/Aggressive - Expressive)Let me help you with your project.

(People/Passive - Amiable)

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People

Focus


Task Focus

Normal Zone

Get

Appreciated

Get Along

Get It Done Get It Right

GRENADE

SNIPER

THINK-THEY-KNOW-IT-ALL

NOTHING

YES Person

MAYBE Person

TANK

SNIPER

KNOW-IT-ALL

NOTHING Person

NO PersonWHINER

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Notes

1. All of these intents have a time and place

in our lives.

2. One quick indicator of a persons intent is

their communication style.

3. When people have shared intent or

priorities, conflict is unlikely.

4. As intent changes so does behavior.

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Inherent Conflict in Decision Making

Board

Decisions

Role

Pressures

Value

Differences

Differences in

Position or

Status

Different

Goals

Differences in

Perceptions

Community pressuresvs. professional staff

pressures

Viewing facts

differently

Conserving resources

vs. expanding service

New board member vs.

the established

member, city vs. rural

Differences in

belief, philosophy,

political orientation

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Absence ofAbsence ofTRUSTTRUST

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Teams with an absence of trust . . .

Conceal weaknesses and mistakes from each other

Hesitate to ask for help or provide constructivefeedback

Hesitate to offer help outside their own areas ofresponsibility

Jump to conclusions about the intentions of otherswithout attempting to clarify them

Fail to tap into one anothers skills and experiences

Waste time and energy managing their behaviors foreffect

Hold grudges

Dread meetings and avoid spending time together

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Fear ofFear ofCONFLICTCONFLICT


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Teams that fear conflict

Have boring meetings

Create environments where back-channelpolitics and personal attacks thrive

Ignore controversial topics that are criticalto team success

Fail to tap into all the opinions andperspectives of team members

Waste time and energy with posturing andinterpersonal risk management

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Overcoming Fear ofConflict

The first step is acknowledging that conflict isproductive.

Mining

Real Time Permission

Personality Profiling

The second step is always debate issues notpersonalities.

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Lack ofLack ofCOMMITMENTCOMMITMENT



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A team that fails to commit

Creates ambiguity among the team about

direction and priorities

Watches windows of opportunity close due to

excessive analysis and unnecessary delay Breeds lack of confidence and fear of failure

Revisits discussions and decisions again and

again Encourages second-guessing among team

members

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Overcoming lack of commitment

Discuss what needs to be achieved up front

Clarify the worst-case scenario for a decisionyou are struggling to make.

Engage in substantial discussion. The quality ofthe decision is usually better than expected.

Review the key decisions made during themeeting, and agree on what needs to be

communicated to other constituencies aboutthose decisions.

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Involvement vs. Commitment

Breakfast Food Analogy

Chicken involved with breakfast

Pig is TOTALLY committed!

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Overcoming Absence of Accountability

The key to overcoming this dysfunction is

adhering to a few classic management tools

that are as effective as they are simple.Publication of Goals & Standards - Clarifypublicly exactly what the team needs toachieve, who needs to deliver what, and

how everyone must behave in order tosucceed.

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Inattention toInattention toRESULTSRESULTS

Avoidance ofAvoidance ofACCOUNTABILITYACCOUNTABILITY

Lack ofLack ofCOMMITMENTCOMMITMENT



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A team that is not focused on results

Stagnates or fails to grow

Loses achievement-oriented employees and

team members

Encourages team members to focus on their

own careers and individual goals

Is easily distracted

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Overcoming Inattention to Results

PublicDeclaration ofResults Committingpublicly to specific results is more likely tocreate a passionate, even desperate desire

to achieve those results. Teams whose goalis, Well do our best, are subtly, if notpurposefully, preparing themselves for failure

Results-BasedRewards Tie the teams

rewards to the achievement of specificoutcomes.

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Easy Steps

Just as certainly some people bring out the

best in you, some people bring out the worst

in you. There are effective learnable strategies for

building better teamwork and overcoming

group dysfunctions.

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Listening Skills Exercise

Divide the group into pairs

Select one person as the speaker

Select one person as the listener

Brief each group separately

One minute speaking exercise

Switch Speaker/Listener

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Listening Exercise Debrief

We communicate our interest while

listening by:

Verbal responses

Body language

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s

Closing Remarks On

Resiliency

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Listening Skills

For

Eye contact

Focus on points of agreement

Not judgmental

Attentive body language

No interruptions

Repeat some words of speaker

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Listening in 3 Channels

VERBAL - Actual words used

VOCAL - Tone, inflection, volume,

speed, tempo, pitch

NON-VERBAL - Body language

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Listening in 3 Channels

VERBAL Actual words used

(7%)

VOCAL - Tone, inflection, volume,

speed, tempo, pitch

(38%)

NON-VERBAL - Body language

(55%)

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Blending

Any behavior by which you reduce the

differences between you

Result is to increase rapport

Automatic when people share a common

vision, care about each other

No one cooperates with someone whoseems to be against them

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Blending Strategies

Mirror each others body posture, facial

expressions and degree of animation

Blend with the speakers voice volume andspeed (**anger exception**)

Ask clarifying questions

Identify what you think the speaker reallywants

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Blending Strategies

Listening for while the difficult person

vents, blows off steam, whines or

complains

Repeat some of the actual words the

other person is using

Summarize what you have heard

Check for understanding

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Redirecting

Any behavior by which you use the

rapport from blending to change the

direction of the interaction

Redirecting always follows blending

whether listening to understand or

speaking to be understood

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Tips

We get along better with people when theemphasis is on our similarities

Success in communication depends onfinding common ground

Reducing differences is vital in dealingwith people who cause you difficulty

When we communicate better teamsfunction better

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Cowboy Words of Wisdom

Life is simpler when you plough around thestump.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered, notyelled.

Forgive your enemies. It messes with theirminds.

Dont corner something meaner than you.

Remember, silence is sometimes the bestanswer.

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Attitude

Life is 10% what happens to me

and 90% how I react to it!

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For More Information Contact

Oregon School Boards Association

GregM

cKenzie - [email protected]

Vermont School Boards Association

Winton Goodrich

[email protected]

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Documents

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