100proof
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jake dubs, copywriter, vcu brandcenter spring 2009. 10 products. 10 lines each. 100proof.
Transcript of 100proof
They say those who make it big
are the ones who take risks. What follows are one hundred such risks.
100proof
WHAM LIQUID PROTEIN
Getting enough daily protein is a pain. WHAM makes it simple in an almost absurd way.
IT WOULD ONLY BE EASIER IF MINIATURE ELVES
OPENED THE BOTTLE AND POURED IT DOWN YOUR THROAT.
BUT THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE. AND WEIRD.
WHAM
42 g of protein in 3 seconds.
NO EFFORT REQUIRED.
UNLESS YOU CALL UNSCREWING THE CAP “EFFORT”
YOU LAZY PUNK. DO PUSHUPS. NOW.
WHAM
42 g of protein in 3 seconds.
TO ANYONE WHO’S EVER DRIVEN A MILE TO THE GYM
FOR A HALF-MILE RUN.
WHAM
42 g of protein in 3 seconds.
IT’S LIKE A STEAK.
A FAT, SUGAR, CHOLESTEROL-FREE,
FRUIT PUNCH-FLAVORED STEAK.
WHAM
42 g of protein in 3 seconds.
THINK OF THE TIME YOU COULD SAVE TO POSE
IN FRONT OF THE BATHROOM MIRROR
THEN ACT LIKE YOU’RE NOT WHEN YOUR ROOMMATE WALKS IN.
WHAM
42 g of protein in 3 seconds.
OF COURSE YOU CAN KEEP
A CHICKEN BREAST IN A GYM LOCKER.
YOU JUST SHOULDN’T.
WHAM
42 g of protein in 3 seconds.
HYPOTHETICALLY, YOU COULD DRINK IT
WHILE BEING CHASED BY A PACK OF RABID BOARS.
IT’LL NEVER HAPPEN. BUT YOU COULD.
WHAM
42 g of protein in 3 seconds.
STEP 1: UNSCREW CAP.
STEP 2: POUR DOWN THROAT.
STEP 3: LIVE LIFE. WE’LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.
WHAM
42 g of protein in 3 seconds.
TO KEEP A STEAK IN YOUR GYM BAG
YOU’D NEED A BUILT-IN REFRIGERATOR.
WHICH WOULD BE HEAVY.
NOT TO MENTION DOWNRIGHT RIDICULOUS.
WHAM
42 g of protein in 3 seconds.
WE IMPROVED SLICED BREAD BY INJECTING IT WITH PROTEIN
AND REMOVING THE FAT, CARBS AND SUGAR.
THEN WE TOOK OUT THE BREAD.
WHAM
42 g of protein in 3 seconds.
THE WAINWRIGHT COAST-TO-COAST
HIKE ACROSS BRITAIN
Only 2 weeks out of 52, the American working person’s vacation is sacred. It’s a chance to do
something crazy, to experience life itself, to have no regrets. Not waste away on some timeshare.
LIFE IS TOO SHORT
TO LIE ON A BEACH,
WAITING YOUR TURN TO DIE.
Wainwright Coast-to-Coast Hike Across Britain 2 weeks. 200 miles. Too incredible not to do once.
YOU WORK FIFTY WEEKS A YEAR FOR THE MAN.
DON’T TAKE HIS VACATION, TOO.
Wainwright Coast-to-Coast Hike Across Britain 2 weeks. 200 miles. Too incredible not to do once.
THE AVERAGE PERSON LIVES 4,000 WEEKS.
THE AVERAGE PERSON WON’T SPEND 2 OF THEM
TRAVERSING A COUNTRY.
Wainwright Coast-to-Coast Hike Across Britain 2 weeks. 200 miles. Too incredible not to do once.
THERE ARE FIFTY OTHER WEEKS IN THE YEAR
TO DO, SEE AND BE NORMAL.
Wainwright Coast-to-Coast Hike Across Britain 2 weeks. 200 miles. Too incredible not to do once.
ON YOUR DEATHBED, EVERY BEACH YOU’VE EVER BEEN
BECOMES THE SAME BEACH.
Wainwright Coast-to-Coast Hike Across Britain 2 weeks. 200 miles. Too incredible not to do once.
YOU CAN TIMESHARE.
OR YOU CAN SHARE TIME.
Wainwright Coast-to-Coast Hike Across Britain 2 weeks. 200 miles. Too incredible not to do once.
AFTER FIFTY STRAIGHT WEEKS SPENT COMMUTING,
YOU’VE EARNED THE RIGHT TO WALK ACROSS ANY BLOODY COUNTRY YOU WANT.
Wainwright Coast-to-Coast Hike Across Britain 2 weeks. 200 miles. Too incredible not to do once.
YOU WAKE UP LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. YOU GO TO WORK
LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. DON’T ESCAPE IT ALL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
Wainwright Coast-to-Coast Hike Across Britain 2 weeks. 200 miles. Too incredible not to do once.
BECAUSE TYPICAL IS FOR
THE LAME, THE SPINELESS,
AND THE WEAK.
Wainwright Coast-to-Coast Hike Across Britain 2 weeks. 200 miles. Too incredible not to do once.
WE DON’T KNOW HOW YOU SURVIVE ON TWO WEEKS’ HOLIDAY.
CERTAINLY NOT WHY YOU’D SPEND THEM
AT A BLEEDING TIMESHARE.
Wainwright Coast-to-Coast Hike Across Britain 2 weeks. 200 miles. Too incredible not to do once.
COMPASS BANK BUILD-TO-ORDER CHECKING
Compass’ Build-to-Order Checking accounts offer 17 customizable features. If you like saving money,
being in control and being with a bank that doesn’t take itself too seriously,
this is the way to go.
BUILD-TO-ORDER CHECKING ISN’T FOR EVERYONE.
NEITHER IS HAPPINESS.
Introducing Build-to-Order Checking from Compass Bank.
Banking just went from awful to awesome.
AS LONG AS YOU’RE UNDER OUR ROOF,
WE’LL FOLLOW YOUR RULES.
Introducing Build-to-Order Checking from Compass Bank.
Banking just went from awful to awesome.
WE OFFER A $25 BONUS ON YOUR BANKING ANNIVERSARY.
PLEASE REFRAIN FROM CALLING US GRANDMA.
Introducing Build-to-Order Checking from Compass Bank.
Banking just went from awful to awesome.
WITH COMPASS, YOU MAKE THE CALLS.
BUT SERIOUSLY. YOU’VE GOT TO CALL US FIRST.
Introducing Build-to-Order Checking from Compass Bank.
Banking just went from awful to awesome.
EARNING INTEREST ON YOUR CHECKING BALANCE?
THAT’S LIKE HAVING YOUR CAKE AND EATING IT, TOO.
THEN GETTING ANOTHER.
Introducing Build-to-Order Checking from Compass Bank.
Banking just went from awful to awesome.
BANKING MEETS CHOICES AT THE CROSSROADS OF
AWESOMENESS AND YOU-GOTTA-BE-KIDDING-ME.
ONLY WE’RE NOT KIDDING YOU.
Introducing Build-to-Order Checking from Compass Bank.
Banking just went from awful to awesome.
YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE BUILD-TO-ORDER CHECKING.
YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE SUNSHINE AND PUPPIES, EITHER.
Introducing Build-to-Order Checking from Compass Bank.
Banking just went from awful to awesome.
17 CUSTOMIZABLE CHECKING FEATURES TO CHOOSE FROM.
AND FREE FOOT MASSAGES.
OKAY, THAT LAST ONE WAS A JOKE.
Introducing Build-to-Order Checking from Compass Bank.
Banking just went from awful to awesome.
THIS IS WHAT WE BANKERS CALL,
‘LIVING ON THE WILD SIDE.’
Introducing Build-to-Order Checking from Compass Bank.
Banking just went from awful to awesome.
YOU KNOW WHO WOULD LOVE IT IF YOU DIDN’T
GET A BUILD-TO-ORDER CHECKING ACCOUNT?
SATAN.
Introducing Build-to-Order Checking from Compass Bank.
Banking just went from awful to awesome.
TED TALKS
The best and brightest of each generation are the ones who push the world forward.
These are the people who speak at TED.
GREAT LEADERS DIVIDE THE WORLD IN HALF:
THE WAY IT IS BEFORE.
AND THE WAY IT IS AFTER.
TED.com
PUSH WILL BE SHOVED.
TED.com
HUMANITY IS PRODDED FORWARD BY FEW.
WATCH THEM.
TED.com
DO IDEAS CHANGE HISTORY?
OR IS IT THE PEOPLE WHO CREATE THEM?
TED.com
BE.
INFORMED.
TED.com
TO CHANGE YOUR WORLDVIEW WATCH THE PEOPLE CHANGING YOUR WORLD.
TED.com
LUMINOSITY
LOVES COMPANY.
TED.com
SEE THE LIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE TUNNEL.
TED.com
PROGRESS YOUR PROGRESS.
TED.com
WAIT AND SEE.
OR WATCH AND SEE.
TED.com
SYLVIA’S QUEEN OF SOUL FOOD RESTAURANT —
HARLEM, N.Y.
People who eat at Sylvia’s claim meals there are akin to a religious experience.
This is a wonderful USP.
BEFORE THE MEAL, YOU’LL THANK THE LORD
FOR PROVIDING YOUR FOOD.
DURING THE MEAL, YOU’LL THANK HIM FOR PROVIDING YOUR LIFE.
Sylvia’s Queen of Soul Food
Salvation for your stomach.
DIVINE INTERVENTION, ATONEMENT
AND CORNBREAD.
Sylvia’s Queen of Soul Food
Salvation for your stomach.
YOU WON’T SPEAK IN TONGUES.
YOUR MOUTH WILL BE TOO FULL FOR THAT.
Sylvia’s Queen of Soul Food
Salvation for your stomach.
LIKE A BAPTISM FOR YOUR INSIDES.
A BAPTISM MADE OF YAMS.
Sylvia’s Queen of Soul Food
Salvation for your stomach.
IF YOU WANT TO GET TECHNICAL,
OUR PEACH COBBLER
IS AN ACT OF GOD.
Sylvia’s Queen of Soul Food
Salvation for your stomach.
IS IT BLASPHEMOUS TO SAY OUR GRAVY
WILL MAKE YOU BELIEVE IN A HIGHER BEING?
Sylvia’s Queen of Soul Food
Salvation for your stomach.
SOME RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCES HAPPEN IN FRONT OF AN ALTAR.
OTHERS, A BOWL OF MASHED POTATOES.
Sylvia’s Queen of Soul Food
Salvation for your stomach
AND THEN YOU SHALL TASTE THE COLLARD GREENS.
AND THE COLLARD GREENS SHALL SET YOU FREE.
Sylvia’s Queen of Soul Food
Salvation for your stomach.
THERE’S ALWAYS A POINT IN OUR MEALS WHEN YOU’LL WANT
TO STOP. YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO. THERE’S ALWAYS A POINT IN
OUR MEALS WHEN YOU’LL WANT TO CONTINUE.
YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO.
Sylvia’s Queen of Soul Food
Salvation for your stomach.
IT’LL BRING YOU CLOSER TO HEAVEN.
EACH MEAL SHORTENS YOUR LIFE.
Sylvia’s Queen of Soul Food
Salvation for your stomach.
ORION TELESCOPES
Looking into the night sky reveals an infinite universe we’re only a tiny part of.
While our body must stay on earth, a telescope allows our eyes to explore beyond,
defying gravity in the process.
YOUR BODY MUST STAY HERE.
THE REST OF YOU,
COME WITH US.*
*Orion Telescopes
Seek up.
EVERYTHING WE SEE, THINK AND FEEL
HAPPENS ON A TINY BLUE DOT.
IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY*
*Orion Telescopes
Seek up.
TRAMPOLINES. ELEVATORS. AIRPLANES.
OUR EYES CAN DO BETTER.*
*Orion Telescopes
Seek up.
YOU ARE HERE. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE.*
*Orion Telescopes
Seek up.
THERE’S PERSPECTIVE.
THEN THERE’S 100 MILLION MILES OF IT.*
*Orion Telescopes
Seek up.
THERE IS SOMETHING OUT THERE
THAT MIGHT EXPLAIN ALL THIS.
A COMPUTER SCREEN ISN’T THAT SOMETHING. *
*Orion Telescopes
Seek up.
THE FARTHEST OUR BODIES CAN VACATION IS 12,000 MILES.
OUR EYES CAN DO ABOUT 100 MILLION MILES BETTER.*
*Orion Telescopes
Seek up.
GRAVITY SHACKLES YOU TO A SPINNING ROUND BALL.
GET FREE.*
*Orion Telescopes
Seek up.
TWO THINGS IN YOUR BODY CAN DEFY GRAVITY.
YOU’RE USING BOTH OF THEM TO READ THIS SENTENCE.*
*Orion Telescopes
Seek up.
YOUR BODY: NO CHOICE.
YOUR EYES: CHOICE.*
*Orion Telescopes
Seek up.
CENTRUM MULTIVITAMS
Most college students think multivitamins are for old people, yet most college students fail to realize
they’re living college student lifestyles. While hydrating is good, what they really need to do is nutrate.
FULL-TIME STUDENT.
PART-TIME JOB.
RAMEN NOODLE SOUP.
Centrum
Nutrate.
NIGHT OWL.
8 AM CLASSES.
EGG McMUFFINS.
Centrum
Nutrate.
SALAD BAR – $7.99/lb.
SALMON FILET – $10.
MAC & CHEESE – ON SALE.
Centrum
Nutrate.
1:00 - 2:45 PSYCH.
VENDING MACHINE.
3:00 - 4:45 CALC.
Centrum
Nutrate.
PREGAME.
GAME.
WAFFLE HOUSE.
Centrum
Nutrate.
ONE ROADTRIP.
THIRTY HOURS.
SEVEN DRIVE-THRUS.
Centrum
Nutrate.
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL.
10-CENT WINGS.
$5 BILL.
Centrum
Nutrate.
COFFEE BREAKFAST.
VENDING MACHINE LUNCH.
BURRITO DINNER.
Centrum
Nutrate.
ALL-NIGHTER.
20-PAGE PAPER.
3 AM MEAT LOVER’S PIZZA.
Centrum
Nutrate.
AIRPORT TERMINAL.
4-HOUR DELAY.
FOOD COURT.
Centrum
Nutrate.
MISS YU HAIR SALON
There are perhaps 10 million salons in the U.S. But there is only one Miss Yu,
a charming, smart, quick-witted Korean lady with a head full of insight
and 30 years’ experience making middle-aged women beautiful.
I DON’T KNOW
WHAT ‘MILF’ STAND FOR,
BUT YOU GOING TO BE ONE.
Miss Yu Salon
YOU HUSBAND NEVER HOST
POKER NIGHT AGAIN.
Miss Yu Salon
MAKE HIM LOVE AND HATE
WALKING INTO CROWDED RESTAURANT WITH YOU.
Miss Yu Salon
HE NEVER BEFORE CARE ABOUT YOU GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT.
THAT BEFORE YOU 3 O’CLOCK FRIDAY APPOINTMENT.
Miss Yu Salon
YOU HUSBAND’S FRIENDS WILL LOVE YOU.
YOU HUSBAND’S FRIENDS’ WIVES WILL HATE YOU.
Miss Yu Salon
USUALLY YOU GO TO PTA MEETING.
TONIGHT YOU GO TO PTA BALL.
Miss Yu Salon
MORE PRETTY YOU HAIRCUT,
MORE WOMEN DON’T LIKE YOU, MORE BETTER YOU FEEL.
Miss Yu Salon
YOU DON’T WANT TO MAKE LOVE WITH PIZZA BOY.
BUT WANT HIM TO WANT TO.
Miss Yu Salon
WHEN YOU PRETTY DAUGHTER’S FRIENDS MORE JEALOUS
OF YOU THAN HER, IT GOOD FEELING.
Miss Yu Salon
NOTHING IN WORLD GET RID OF PROBLEMS
LIKE SCISSORS AND STRAIGHT IRON.
I NO LIE TO YOU.
Miss Yu Salon
LONG’S PURE HORSERADISH
Long’s makes its horseradish in tiny batches using an old-fashioned hand grater, mixes it with only water
and distilled vinegar, and bottles and ships it that same day. It’s the purest horseradish on earth.
Seriously.
A HORSERADISH ROOT, DISTILLED VINEGAR AND WATER WALK
INTO A BAR. THE BARTENDER SAYS, “HEY, HOW’D YOU ALL GET IN
HERE? YOU’RE A ROOT. AND YOU TWO ARE MADE OF LIQUID. THIS IS JUST CRAZY. THAT’S WHAT THIS IS.”
Long’s
Pure horseradish.
No jok
THERE ONCE WAS
A MAN FROM NANTUCKET.
AND HE LOVED
LONG’S HORSERADISH.
Long’s
Pure horseradish.
No joke.
A MAN IS WALKING DOWN THE STREET TO PICK UP SUPPER.
“I’M GOING TO HAVE PRIME RIB WITH HORSERADISH SAUCE
TONIGHT,” HE SAYS. SO HE GOES AND BUYS SOME PRIME RIB
AND A BOTTLE OF LONG’S. THEN HE GOES HOME AND EATS IT. AND IT’S DELICIOUS.
Long’s
Pure horseradish. No joke.
WHY DID THE HORSERADISH ROOT CROSS THE ROAD?
IT DIDN’T. IT GOT NO LEGS.
Long’s
Pure horseradish. No joke.
TWO LIONS ARE EATING A ZEBRA ON THE AFRICAN SAVANNAH. ONE OF THEM ASKS THE OTHER, “DO YOU THINK ZEBRAS ARE
BLACK WITH WHITE STRIPES, OR WHITE WITH BLACK STRIPES?”
“DUDE, I DON’T KNOW,” HE REPLIES. “PASS THE LONG’S.”
“DUDE, WE DON’T HAVE ANY LONG’S. WE’RE LIONS.”
Long’s
Pure horseradish. No joke.
HOW MANY BOTTLES OF LONG’S DOES IT TAKE
TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?
IT’S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANY NUMBER OF BOTTLES OF LONG’S TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB.
Long’s
Pure horseradish. No joke.
A BLONDE GOES TO AN APPLIANCE STORE AND FINDS A BARGAIN. “I WOULD LIKE TO BUY THIS TV,” SHE TELLS THE
SALESMAN. “SORRY, BUT WE DON’T SELL TO BLONDES,” HE TELLS
HER. SO SHE GOES HOME AND MAKES SOME EGGS WITH LONG’S
HORSERADISH AND STARES AT THE WALL.
Long’s
Pure horseradish. No joke.
KNOCK-KNOCK.
WHO’S THERE?
LONG’S.
LONG’S, WHO?
LONG’S HORSERADISH.
Long’s
Pure horseradish.
No joke.
WHAT’S LONG, HARD AND PUNGENT?
A HORSERADISH ROOT. WHY?
Long’s
Pure horseradish. No joke.
WHAT DID THE DYSLEXIC DEVIL-WORSHIPER
SAY TO THE NEAR-SIGHTED RABBI?
WHATEVER IT WAS, IT HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH HORSERADISH.
Long’s
Pure horseradish. No joke.
JACK DANIEL’S
MINI BOTTLES
For when a small, discrete drink is in order,
Jack Daniel’s bottles its Tennessee Whiskey in miniatures.
And no matter the size, it will always be the same Jack.
THE TRAIN RIDE HOME IS MAN’S ONLY FEW MOMENTS OF SOLACE.
APPARENTLY THE ONE BEHIND YOU EXPERIMENTING
WITH RINGTONES DIDN’T GET THE MEMO.
Jack Daniel’s Mini Bottles
Dull the edge of the edge.
AS IF THE FLIGHT DELAY TO THE TOPEKA CONFERENCE
WASN’T BAD ENOUGH, WHEN YOU FINALLY LAND,
YOU’RE AT A CONFERENCE. IN TOPEKA.
Jack Daniel’s Mini Bottles
Dull the edge of the edge.
LIP-STICKED MEN FLOLICKING IN THEIR UNDERWEAR,
SINGING IN A LANGUAGE YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.
AND IRONICALLY, YOU’RE MISSING MARCH MADNESS.
Jack Daniel’s Mini Bottles
Dull the edge of the edge.
IT USED TO BE SMILING TEACHERS
WHO CALLED YOU IN FROM RECESS.
NOW IT’S IRRITABLE MEN IN SUITS.
Jack Daniel’s Mini Bottles
Dull the edge of the edge.
MUSLIM WEDDINGS ARE FUN.
5-HOUR, NO OPEN BAR, NO SINGLE WOMEN-TYPE FUN.
Jack Daniel’s Mini Bottles
Dull the edge of the edge.
THE ONLY INSTANCE WHEN ADORABLE AND BADASS
CAN DESCRIBE THE SAME THING.
Jack Daniel’s Mini Bottles
SHORT, STOUT, ODDLY-SHAPED.
IT’S LIKE A MINIATURE, ALCOHOLIC NAPOLEON.
Jack Daniel’s Mini Bottles
KEYS. WALLET. CELLPHONE.
LOOSE CHANGE. JACK.
Jack Daniel’s Mini Bottles
IT’S 3” TALL.
AND IT CAN STILL KICK
JIM BEAM’S ASS.
Jack Daniel’s Mini Bottles
PRETEND YOUR HAND
IS HUGE.
Jack Daniel’s Mini Bottles
jake dubs, writer [email protected] 914.582.8597 jakedubs.com
SCHOOL: VCU Brandcenter, Richmond, VA – May 2009 M.S. Mass Communication, Advertising/Copywriting University of Delaware, Newark, DE – May 2007 B.A. Mass Communication, Minor: History
School Of Visual Arts, New York, NY – Summer 2006 Ad Concepting Course
WORK: Crispin Porter + Bogusky, Boulder, CO – Summer 08 RT&E Communications, Wilmington, DE – Fall 2006 Agency 212, New York, NY – Summer 2006
MERIT: Leo Burnett Scholarship 2008 One Show Student Bronze Pencil 2008 One Show Client Pitch Finalist 2008 Innovation Challenge International Semi-Finalist Class of ’09 Superlatives Most Likely to Be a Creative Director at Wieden by 35 Best Car
Thank You.
