10 commandments 2.0

I was told by a Christian recently on facebook that the ten commandments are better than anything any man could ever write and she challenged me to do any better so that made me think what would my ten commandments be if I were god writing them for people in the 21st century.

My 10 commadments.

1. Don’t waste your time kissing my ass

Seriously people I don’t need praising. Get off your ass and go do something. Seriously I have a universe to run I don’t have time to waste listening to you stroke my ego.

2. People are not property

I mean you wouldn’t think you would have to tell people slavery is wrong but apparently you do

3. Don’t build places to kiss my ass

Seriously I already have a pretty cool place up here in heaven I don’t need another house. Spend your money on something remotely useful or give it to the poor or something

4. Don’t kill people

Once again you wouldn’t think this was such a hard concept but apparently I have to tell people this.

5. Don’t hurt kids

Seriously people I don’t know why I have to tell you these things but apparently you just don’t get it. Don’t beat kids and don’t rape kids it is that simple.

6. I gave you a brain, use it.

Learn about all the awesome shit I made. I know saying that I just did it is easy. But the world is so much cooler than that. Really look into that quantum physics shit I made it will fucking blow your mind.

7. I gave you this fucking awesome planet don’t fuck it up!

If you gave someone a house to spend the rest of their life in you wouldn’t want someone being ungrateful little shits and trashing the place.

8. Don’t steal shit if you don’t have to

If you are starving there is always a little wiggle room here. But seriously try not to steal shit

9. Other peoples genitals are not your concern

Seriously I have got better things to do than worry about if some dude likes other dudes maybe you should find something better to do also.

10. Don’t be an asshole

Don’t act like a dick you’d be surprised how often they return the favor.