1 Relationships and Communication. 2 The Myth of ‘The Perfect Relationship’ Soul mates; ‘The...
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Transcript of 1 Relationships and Communication. 2 The Myth of ‘The Perfect Relationship’ Soul mates; ‘The...
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Relationships and Communication
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The Myth of ‘The Perfect Relationship’
• Soul mates; ‘The One’• Nobody can meet ALL of your
needs• Every relationship has some
problems• Healthy expectations from the
beginning
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Compatibility• A Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg,
1986)
Intimacy Passion
Commitment
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Maintaining Oneself Within a Relationship
• You will change due to your relationships
• Remaining true to oneself
• Whose needs are met through the relationship?• Not always 50/50
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Maintaining Oneself Within a Relationship, cont’d.• Keeping a life
outside your relationship
• Knowing the self in relation to others
• Enhancing one another’s growth
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Supporting Your Relationship
• You can’t go it alone!• Surround your relationships with
support• Couple’s Resource Map
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Expectations• How realistic are
your expectations for your partner?
• How realistic are your partner’s expectations for you?
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Fighting• Is fighting healthy?
• “Growing pains”
• What can you learn from a fight?
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Fighting, cont’d.• The Four Horsemen of the
Apocalypse (Gottman, 1999)• Criticism• Defensiveness• Contempt• Stonewalling
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Fighting Fair• Focus on the issue at hand• Remain focused on the present
• Not the time to bring up the past
• Listening—Knowing when it is your turn
• NO physical violence• Seek counseling when
necessary
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Breaking up is hard to do….
• Give yourself time to move on• Nurture your other relationships• Take time to reflect on the lessons
you can learn from the relationship AND the break-up
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Relationships and Transitions• Potential for
increased negative interactions
• Protective defense mechanisms
• Increased awareness
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Making Relationships A Priority
• Relationships are often taken for granted
• Make a commitment to care for your relationships before it is too late!!
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Communication Skills
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Listening• Making the effort• Non-verbal cues• Eye contact• Notice underlying
feelings
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Direct Communication• Speak clearly and
directly• Say what you mean• Verify understanding• Avoid beating
around the bush
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Self-Disclosure• Sharing personal experience• Necessary for intimacy• Trust is important!• Appropriate levels of disclosure
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Non-verbal Communication
• As speaker• Gestures• Increase interest
• As listener• Awareness• Inconsistencies
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Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Communication
• Passive: Not expressing feelings or standing up for yourself
• Aggressive: Expressing feelings in an overbearing manner
• Assertive: Expressing feelings without violating others’ rights
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Advice• Proceed with caution!
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Focus on the Behavior• Avoid labeling
• Personal attacks lead to defensiveness
• Negotiate behaviors