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Last week we considered a husband and wife who were close to divorce because the

husband worked more than the wife wanted.

What good is truth to us if we don’t know how to use it in common circumstances?

Let’s consider a few more to practice our new skill so that we can use it from today on.

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Agape LOVE = God

Philos Love

SELF LOVE = god

manipulation

alcohol

abuse

InsecurityFrustration Anger

jealousy

controlconflictheresy

divisionIdolatrysensuality

EmptinessBLAME

What is dad’s presenting issue?A teenaged son has been having problems in school and has

been yelling at his parents. His father exploded with anger at the last event and told his son he needs to find himself another place to live. Now the husband and wife are fighting because she said

he over-reacted.

His presenting issues are “control” and “manipulation”. He is trying to solve the problem by threat and intimidation, but now let’s look more to the actual cause in the core level that caused

the father to react as he did.

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Agape LOVE = God

Philos Love

SELF LOVE = god

manipulation

alcohol

abuse

InsecurityFrustration Anger

jealousy

controlconflictheresy

divisionIdolatrysensuality

EmptinessBLAME

What internal cause is responsible for

the external evidence of

control?

His own failure to grasp his unconditional value to Jesus leaves him vulnerable to the seeming devaluation of his position as head

of his home by his son.

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Agape LOVE = God

Philos Love

SELF LOVE = god

manipulation

alcohol

abuse

InsecurityFrustration Anger

jealousy

controlconflictheresy

divisionIdolatrysensuality

EmptinessBLAME

Do you know the secret to this problem that

plagues every person who doesn’t

understand it?

Our personal value to Jesus has absolutely NOTHING to do with our looks, what we can do, how we perform, our history or

anything associated to us.

So here is the key to the whole things. What is the secret to living comfortably with our many failures?

The love of Jesus, and the value that we have in His eyes have only to do with HIM, His perfect unconditional love, character and faithfulness – and absolutely NOTHING to do with any facet of our

being or history. And if you don’t understand that, you will constantly be questioning your behavior relative to His love and

your personal value.

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Agape LOVE = God

Philos Love

SELF LOVE = god

manipulation

alcohol

abuse

InsecurityFrustration Anger

jealousy

controlconflictheresy

divisionIdolatrysensuality

EmptinessBLAME

So if the father in our scenario does not know who he really is to Jesus, and believes his value to Jesus is associated with his

performance and failure, what is he going to do?

If the father does not grasp this vital truth, he will default to his own performance, the sight data, experiential data, and will in the

core of self-love, put the burden of validating his value on his family, destroying his relationships and his view of himself.

Remember that we said that self-focus blinds us to our own problems, so when the father feels the sting of the lack of

appreciation from his son, what is he going to do?

At least relative to this issue the father is stuck in a self-love root which believes that personal value is earned by providing for the

family, and then requires that respect be demonstrated by the son, whose reactions are currently disrespectful.

He will blame his son for being disrespectful and will therefore NEVER see the truth that the reason he felt the

sting of being valueless was NOT that his son disrespected him, but rather that his own failure to

understand and experience the love and the value that Jesus ascribed him is the true reason for his empty

feelings regarding his value! Do you see how critical this is?

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Agape LOVE = God

Philos Love

SELF LOVE = god

manipulation

alcohol

abuse

InsecurityFrustration Anger

jealousy

controlconflictheresy

divisionIdolatrysensuality

EmptinessBLAME

What’s wrong with the wife’s

thinking?A husband and wife have been slowly drifting away from one

another. The husband ended up having an affair with a coworker and his wife cannot forgive him. While she cannot divorce him for

financial reasons, she will not engage him as a wife any longer.

She was deeply wounded by her husband’s infidelity and is now relying on emotional and physical

separation to protect her from further emotional suffering.

The real tragedy is that as she thinks and responds to protect herself from deeper suffering, she actually

feeds the force that is causing it and killing her marriage. It is driving her toward immeasurable loss

and anguish at increasing velocity! Things can ALWAYS get worse than they are right now. So what

is the real cause of her pain?

While it is easy to blame him because he sinned, the cause of her pain is NOT her foolish husband and his choices. It IS her love of herself, and her confidence

in self to preserve her comfort, predictability and security that is driving her to independent thoughts

and choices from God.

Think about it. Who does the Bible say we are to love, and where are we to place our confidence?

Haven’t you ever come close to making a decision in your desperation, changed your mind and stayed the course and then found out later how close you came to absolutely demolishing your life by the decision

you almost made?

Let’s go back to our illustration. We have established the cause of her pain, but what is her

most dangerous hazard?

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Agape LOVE = God

Philos Love

SELF LOVE = god

manipulation

alcohol

abuse

InsecurityFrustration Anger

jealousy

controlconflictheresy

divisionIdolatrysensuality

EmptinessBLAME

Her greatest hazard is that she will focus on her husband’s infidelity, make it the focus of her

thoughts, and be completely blinded to her own glaring fault – which is what?

Her peace and joy have been destroyed by her husband’s sin, which means – her joy was resident

in the absence of undesirable circumstances, NOT in the Lord – who always gives joy in horrible

situations!

Please remember that God is ALWAYS behind every second of our lives, using circumstances to reach us

with His truth that can save our minds and lives.

There is no such thing as chance circumstance. Get this once and for all and use it every single day! If it got your attention and ruined your day or your entire life, you can bet your last dollar that God allowed it to show you something that is INTERNALLY wrong

with YOU and your thoughts – something that is destroying your ability to trust Him right NOW!

So for the sake of your own joy and peace, please remember that the loss of joy is NEVER external. It is a Kingdom fact that your joy will never be in the

hands of anyone but yourself.

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"Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you." John

16:22 Never throw away your joy and then blame

someone else for taking it. If you are going to forfeit your joy, at least be honest enough to say you are holding it hostage until someone

else does what you want them to do so that you can finally be happy.

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DO YOU TRUST HIM – REALLY?

If you truly trust Him, would circumstances have the power to rob you of your internal joy

and peace?

So if you are in a circumstance right now that had the power to rob you of your peace and joy, should you continue to believe you trust God?

Since it is impossible to lose internal joy at the hand of external circumstances, and your joy is gone, is it really a surprise that God would use

your circumstance to point out your internal problem?

And in conclusion, do you see why Satan wants to make the issue all about the unpleasantness,

the sin of the other, the deception, the selfishness of the offender? Why?

Thinking that way will always keep you focused on anyone but yourself so that you cannot see

what God wants to show you about what is wrong with you – and sin in others really gets

our attention, doesn’t it!

I actually had someone tell me he loved to watch Jerry Springer and Maury Povich

because he didn’t feel so badly about how screwed up he was.

He was murdered in his bondage to his sin, and probably because of it. Our “thanks” to those who exploit the extremes of the foolishness of

others so that we can all feel more normal about our own foolish self-centeredness!