“Followme,andletthe

deadburythedead.”Matthew8:22

EVERYLAST BREATH

JessicaGaffney

DEDICATION

ToNavi,whosespiritandloveliveson!

PROLOGUE:I’mnottheonlywifewho’sfantasizedaboutkillingherhusband.InfactIcan’tevenrecallthefirsttimethethoughtwanderedacrossmymind.ThenotionwasjusttherelikepresentsnestledunderasparklingChristmastree.Atfirst,I’msuretheideaonlyflutteredthrough

myhead,itmayhaveevenstartledme.ButthenthethoughtsbecamepleasantandIgrewcomfortablewiththem.

Ican’tsayIplannedonithappening,itsortofjustdid.Iplayedoutscenariosinmyheadanddreamtofalifewithouthim;alifethatwaspeaceful.

Theideaoffreedomwasfullofpromise,hopeandfreedom.Itstayedthere;

dormantforyears.Butduringeveryfight,duringeveryreignofsilence,duringmysilentfootsteps,itwouldsurface.Whentheopportunityfinallycame,Ididwhatanymotherwoulddo.

Idon’tfantasizeanymore.WhyamIsayingallthis?It’sbecausetherearetimesinlifewhenyouwanttoforget,butyoucan’t.AndIhavetotellsomeone;Ihavetoadmitthat

IwantedJacktodie.

CHAPTER1

Maggieheardtheshotbeforeshesawthegunman.Theblowofthefirearmforcedhertotheground.Withhereyessqueezedshutshelistenedforhiswhereabouts,buttherewasnothingbutsilenceandthickfog.

Thesharpsnapofa

branchsentherintoapanic.“Maagggie.”Hetaunted,inchingcloserwitheverycall.Shecuppedherhandsoverherearsandbegantorockinplace.Withhermuddyhandsshehidherfaceandcuddledherbruisedbody.

Thensheheardafaintwhimper.Withherheartracingshepushedherselfup,theshroudoftearsblindinghersteps.Asecondshotricochetedoffthepines,but

shekeptmoving.Thecriesbecamelouderuntilshescreamedout,“Vala.”

Maggiegaspedforairasshejoltedawake.Hersenseswereonhighalertandherheartpounded.Tossingbackthecovers,shereachedforhercellphoneandglasses.Thetimewas4:12am—justliketheothernights.

“Vala,”Shewhispered.Thedogputherheadonhermaster’sleg.“Goodgirl.”

Maggiekeptaglassofwaterbyherbedfornightslikethis.Gettingagoodnightsleepwasbecomingtoofarandfewbetween.Shehadtorest.Thenightmaresweresupposedtosubsidewithtimebutinsteadtheyonlygrewstronger.MaggiedrankthewaterinonegiantslurpandrosefrombedtocheckonEli.

Sheshuffledacrosstheworncarpettowardhisroom.Thesofthueofhisnightlight

penetratedthedarkhall.He’dbeensleepingwiththedooropenandlighton,eversincethemove.Infact,that’swhenthenightmaresstarted.

Maggiestoodinthedoorway,staringatherpreciousjewel.Eliwasallshehadnow.Andthatwashowsheneededittobe.Sheknewhewasfine;hedidn’twrestlewithhowtheylefthome.Itwasjustonenight,andthentheyweregone.

ClairetoldhershewastooworriedaboutEli,andneededtostopcheckingonhimwhileheslept.Itwasunhealthyforhertopamperhimlikeshedid.Stillshecouldn’tresist.Heranxietywouldnotallowit.

Shecreptinsidethedimlylitroomandplacedherhandonhissilkycurls.Rightnowshewasjustthankfultheywerebothsafe.Shewasn’talwaysabletosay

that.Nomatterhowrestlessshegrew,Eliwascomfortableandthat’sallthatmattered.Hehadheardherscreaminthemiddleofthenight,justthedaybeforelast.Whenheranintoherroom,Maggiesteadiedhervoiceandhetoldhimitwasnothing.

Peelingbackhiscurtainsheglancedoutside.Themotionlightsintheyardflashedonandafreshdusting

ofsnowcoatedtheground.Shelookedforfootprints,humanoranimal,anythingthatwouldalerthertoastowhysheshouldbeafraid,butnothingwasthere.Shetookherpulseanddidherbreathing.“Relax.Thereisnothingtofear.”

ShelookedbackatElinestledinhisflannelmoosesheets.Thedaywascomingwhenhe’dlosehisblondecurlsandlittleboycharms.

Butthatwasthefuture.Fornowhewasstillherlittleprince.

Maggieclosedhisdoor.Asachillhithersherealizedherchestwassoakedinsweat.Shegrabbedherrobeandheadedtothekitchentomakesometea,thatalwayswarmedherandhelpedhersleep—that,andaGabasupplementthateasedheranxiety.Sheuseditonandoff,thoughrecentlyshe

orderedahigherdosage.Somethingabouttheholidaysapproachingseemedtohaveheronguardagain.

ThiswasherthirdChristmaswithoutJack,andshewasdoingfine.Eliwasonlytwowhendaddydisappeared,andthat’sallshetoldhim.Theirnewhousewasvoidofhispicture.Shewenttogreatlengthstotryandsearhisconsciousfromevenhavingafather.

Peopleoutwestwereindependentpeople,butinasmalltowntheyalsotalk.Andit’snotoftenamotherandyoungchildshowupinthemiddleofthenight,andrentahomeupinthesecludedwoods.YetitsuitedMaggiejustperfect.Valalikedittoo.

ItwasamereGodsendthatthisrentalwasfurnishedandingoodtaste.Sheknewtheplacewouldbeperfectthe

secondshelaideyesonit.Maggiehadstoppedintowntogetacupofcoffeewhenafliercaughtherattention.Itread,mountaincabininneedofquiettenants,somepetswelcome.Thehomewastoosmallforamediumsizefamily,butitwasperfectforafamilyoftwo.

Elihadplentyofspacetorunandplay;theneighborswerespreadoutenoughthatshehadherprivacybutwith

onlyoneroadinandoutofthecommunity,shewaseasilyprotectedfromthosewhodidn’tbelong.

Maggiespreadoutherjournalasshesippedherwarmtea.Thehousewaswarmandquiet,thesunwouldn’tbeupfortwomorehours.Hopefullyshecouldfallbacktosleep.Sheranthroughhergratitudelisttocalmherfearsandsteadyherbreathing.

ThewarmsoothingteamadeMaggierelax.Sheflippedthroughherpriorentries,scanningtheimprovementsshehadmade.Whenshefoundanemptypage,Maggiescribbledthedate,timeandanydetailshertherapistmayneed.Thetatteredcompositionbookwasshowingitswear.

Atsomepoint,shehopedherheartwouldhealandlifewouldreturntonormal.

Eventuallyshewouldforgetwhathappenedanditwouldfadeintotheabyss.Maybethenshewouldsleepthroughthenight.Sofar,ithadbeentwomonthsandshehadnothingmorethanafewsolidhourshereandthere.Herjournalentriesprovedthat.

Secretlyshewishedshecouldbemorelikeherclients,theyactuallyhadthecouragetowritesomethingandsenditouttherehoping

someonewouldreadit—anyone.Journalingwasnotwriting.Itinvolvednothought,noorder,andnoediting.Itwasanact,likecleaning.Apurgingofthemind,Maggiepaused.Wouldhermindeverbeclearenoughtowrite?Whileshepromisedherselfnottowriteaboutherpastlifeandallthathappened,sheneededtowrite.But,fear.Fearsaidshejustcouldn’ttakethatrisk.

ClairewastheclosestthingMaggiehadtoasister.Shewasfaithful,trustworthyandhadbecomeagreatbabysitterwhohadallthetimeintheworldtospendwithEli.

Elibouncedhiswaythroughthebusyparkinglotbeforelettinggoofherhand.Shesmiledastheboyrushedintothegiantplayland,eagertoclimbandplaybefore

eatinghislunch.Claireheldthedoor

open,asElirushedpastherwavingasheunzippedhiscoat.

“Thanksformeetingmeuphere.”

“It’snoproblem.Joehasthekids.Isweartheonlyreasontheyseetheirfatherisbecauseheisn’tagoodfather.”

“Where’shetakingthemthisweekend?”

“Whoknows.Probably,whereverShelliewantstogo.”

“Didn’ttheygoskiinglastweek?”

“Theywentskiing,shewentshopping.”

Maggieremovedhercoat.“Shemarriedhimforhiswallet,whatcanIsay?Mustbenice.”

“Nevermindme,howareyou,how’swork?”

“It’sgood.Alittle

lonely,butI’menjoyingit.”Clairestudiedher.“I

don’tknowwhyyoudon’tjustopenyourownagency.Therearedozensofpublisher’srightintheSprings.You’dprobablymakeafortune.”

“I’dbebored.Mostofthemtakeinspirationaltitleswherethewritingismediocreatbest.Ineedabighit,beforetheroyaltydwindlesdownonmyonlyclient.”

“YouhavecredentialsMaggie.Youshouldgetyournameoutthere.”

Maggiesmiled.“I’llthinkaboutit,”Shelied.Shedidn’twanthernamepubliclylisted.Thatwastheendofit.SomedayshewouldhavetotellClairethewholetruth.

“Howareyousleeping?Ihaven’thadanyirrationalphonecallsat3am.”

“I’msorryaboutthat.IamgettingbetterathowI

handlethem.”“Valastillcominginto

keepyousafe?”“Yes.”Maggiecouldtalkall

dayaboutVala,butshedidn’t.Shewasnottheirpetandsheneededtorememberthat.

“Ayounggirlcameintotheshelterthisweek.Noneoftheadvocateshavebeenabletoreachher.Doyouthinkyouareready?”

Maggiefroze.Shewasabsolutelynotready.Shemayneverbe.

Clairestudiedher.“Willyouatleastthinkaboutit?”

“There’snothingtothinkabout.Ican’tmoveaheadifIlookback.”

“Moveon?”Clairereachedacrossthetable.“Maggietheonlywayyoucanmoveonisnotbyrunningbutbyhelpingsomeoneelse.”

ShecuppedherhandoverfaceandlookedforEli.Shewatchedattheenergeticboyclimbedthroughthetunnels,laughingandplayingwithotherkids.“Doesshehavekids?”

“Three.”Shetoldherselfshe’d

thinkaboutit.

Elifollowedhismotherintothepostoffice.“Momma,

whydowegetourmailhere,insteadofatthehouse?”

“Ilikethisbetter.It’swarminhereandtheboxdoesn’tfillupasfast.”

Eliwasacuriouskindergartener.Hequestionedeverything,whichisadoubleedgedsword.

Maggiesortedthroughthejunkmail.ShehandedEliapileofadvertisements,catalogsandcreditcardoffers,mostofthem

addressedtotheboxespreviousrecipient.Shepeekedatthemanilaenvelopewithhernameandaddresswrittenoutinlonghand.Thereturnpostmarkwasfromherattorney.Inheropinion,bigenvelopeswerenevergoodnews.Shestuffedthemailinherpurseandshutthebox.Hopefullyshe’dmaketimetogothroughthepilelater.

Elitossedhisbookbag

inhisbedroomandrantowardtheTV.“Mom,canIwatchmyshow?”“First,comewalkValawithmeandthenwecanturnontheTV.”

Elibobbledacrossthekitchenasheretrievedherleash.Theyhadacollectionoffourbuttheredonewashisfavorite.Maggiealwayslaughedwhenhedraggedhisstuffedanimalsaroundthehousewiththesameleash.

Shewishedshecouldpostapictureofitonline,likeanormalparent,butthatwasnotanoption.

ValagotupfromherbedandwalkedtoEli.Sheknewthedrill.Heclippedonherleadandheadedintothegarage.Maggiesmiled,thedogneverpulledEliorattemptedtorunoff.Shewasaprotector;theirprotector.Maggieopenedthegaragedooreventhoughtheyhad

justshutit.Shelearnedtwothingslivinginthemountains:one,wildanimalswanderedwherevertheywanted,includinggaragesandhomesandtwo,itwasbesttoclosethedoorassoonasyoucouldtokeepthewildlifeawayfromthegarbageandthesmelloffreshcookedfood.Alloftheneighborswhogrilledkeptthebarbequeonthesecondfloordeckratherthanground

level.Sheunderstoodwhywhenshesawbearprintsbyherfrontdoor.Eliroundedthecornerofthehousewhichslopeddownhill.Shesmiledashetrekkedpastthetoweringmoundoffirewood,“Wegotwoodmom,”hehollered.

TheCordpiledupoverherhead.Shecountedthelogstomakesuretheyhadn’tshortchangedher.Itisknownthatmechanicswere

knowntohikeupthepriceonfemales,wellinColoradoitwasnodifferenttheyjusttrieditwithoil,woodandhuntinggear.

AsenseofpridewashedoverMaggieasshewatchedherboyandhisdog.ShehadmovedonandbuiltasafeplaceforsheandEli.Sheneededtobeproudofthat,evenifitwastheonlythingshehad.

Maggiestayedatthetop

ofthehillwhileValawalkedaround.ShegaveElisomespace,knowingitbuilthisself-esteem,somethingthatwashardtodowithoutafather.Theolderhegot,thelessshewouldbeabletosaythat.Jackhowever,wasneverafatheratall.

CHAPTER2

ElihadbeensleepingforhourswhenMaggieclosedherbookandshutoffthelight.Sheletherheadsinkdeepintothefeatherpillow.Shekepthereyesclosed,notwantingtodealwiththenormalroutineoffallingasleep.

Thentherewastheissueofthedoor.ShewanteditopenenoughtohearElibutnottoowidewhereshecouldbecaughtbysurprise.Shedislikeditshutforthesamereason.Thentherewasthepocketdoorleadingtothebathroom.Thelightfromherelectrictoothbrushbouncedoffthemirrorandshoneinhereyes.Sheneededthatdoorclosedenoughthatthelightwouldbeblockedbut

nottoofarbecausetheheatwouldrattlethedoorinthejameverytimeitturnedonoroff.

Doors,theywereanothernemesistohersleep.Sheslidherarmunderherpillowandfoundoneofmanyfoamearplugssheusedtosecuresleep.Theyblockedoutanynoisethatstartledher.Sheinsertedjustoneandtippedherheadtotheside,leavingtheothersidepressedintoher

pillow.Afterabriefprayerofthanks,sheslidintoherfirstsleepofthenight.

Thedreamcameforthlikeafaceinthemist.ThistimeMaggiewasrunningonadirtroadinthemiddleoftheforest.Therewerenosounds,justaneeriefogthatroseupfromtheground.Shelookedaroundforthedog.ShecalledforVala,butnopanichadsetin.Shewonderedwherethedoghad

gone,whentheshotofariflerangthroughtheair.Assheturnedtolook,thegroundbegantoshakeandrumble,tohersurpriseabulldozerstormedupthedirtroad.Maggiejumpedintoaditchandwatchedasitdroveby.Shecouldn’tmakeoutthedriver.Shecouldonlyheartheevillaughthatpiercedthestillair.Itwasn’thuman.

Herfeetsliddownthewet,gravelembankmentas

thebulldozertaperedoffintothemist.“Eemp.Eeeempeeeeemp,”cameaquietwhimper.“Vala!Vala!”Maggiecriedout.Sherantowardthewhimper,butitkeptmovingahead.Thefastersheran,thefasteritmoved.Therewasnohidingherposition,thesnapoftwigsandthecrunchofgravelbeneathherswiftfeetbrokethroughthesilentnight.“Vala,”shepanted.Hergot

moreandmorelaboredwitheverystep.Maggierealizedshewasalone.

Thewhinecontinuedasshesearchedforthedog.“Vala.Valaisthatyou?”

Thebrokenlimbsandpineconeslitteredthegroundandhertiredlegstrudgedon.Asecondshotboomedinthedistance.MaggierealizedEliwasmissing.Wherewasherboy?Herheartracedasfeargripedher.

Again,sheheardtherumbledofatruckroaringuptheroadandMaggieturnedtoseewhowasapproaching.Behindher,atthetopoftheembankmentwasafigure.Herheartdropped.

MaggiewokeuptothetouchofVala’stonguelickingherhand.

Rustlingoutofbed,sheclutchedherwetshirt.Shelookedatthetimeandtossedherwetclothesintothe

alreadyfullhamper.Withherpulsealreadyracingsheranahotshower.

Asthesteamgathered,Maggieletthewaterdrenchherhair.ThecurtainsqueakedalongtherodasshestareddownatEli’sbathtoys.Shesmiledatthewonderofherchild,andrecalledhowsheoncewishedshehadmore.

Maggiestayedintheshoweruntilthebathroom

wasfilledwithsteam.Theheatfromthefireplaceneverreachedthispartofthehouseandthewarmairwasessentialtodryingoff.Shewrappedthetowelaroundherandleanedoverthecounter.Shewascarefulnottolookherselfintheeye;insteadshestaredatthescarbelowherbreast.Shetwistedtothesidehopingonedayitwouldnotrepulseanotherman.Butthatdaywasalongwayoff,orso

shethought.Maggiefeltasenseof

dreadwhenevershethoughtofbeingwithaman.Sheranacombthroughherthick,curly,blackhairandpulledouttheknots.SheclutchedtheframedscriptureClairehadboughtherforher33rdbirthday.“ForIknowtheplansIhavefor,”declarestheLord.“Planstoprosperyouandnottoharmyou,planstogiveyouhopeanda

future.”TheBibleversegaveherasenseofhope.Perhapsifsheprayedmoretheguiltoverherpastwouldgoaway.ThenagainGodhatessin,andshewasasinner.

Shereadtheverseafewtimesandbreathedout.Justafewmoreminutesandhernervoussystemwouldbebacktonormal.Andifshetimeditright,shecouldgobacktosleepbeforethesuncameup.Thenightmares

rarelyreturnedonceshewentbacktosleep.

Elisprangoutofbedlike

afiremanreadyforduty.Heyankedhisdooropenandrushedintothekitchen,asifthedayweregettingawayfromhim.Maggiesmiled.Nomatterwhathadhappenedduringthecourseofthenight,thatlittleboywasthelightofhermorning.

Sheputaplateoftoastedwafflesonthetableandwaitedforhimtotakeaseat.Asifoncue,hepouredtoomuchsyruponhisfood,thenwipedhishandsonhiscorduroys;atthisrate,hemayevenendupwithamustachebeforeleavingforschool.Gettingoutthedoorbeforeseventhirtywasalwaysachore,especiallyinColorado,hat,gloves,coat,boots,sneakers,lunch,

batmanbookbag,andhomework,werejustaboutasmuchasMaggiecouldhandle.Buttheviewofthemountainsmadeitworththeeffort.

ElistaredupatPikesPeak.“Lookmom.Ithinkit’sgonnasnowtoday.”

Shedippedherheaddownbelowthevisor.“Itmight,”shesighedhopefully.

Themountainshadbeencoveredwithsnowfor

monthsnow.Thethirtyminuteridedownthemountainwasjustasbreathtakingasthedayshelaideyesonthesmallcity.Therewerehilltopmansionsandcabinsbuiltintothesteepcliffs.Somepeoplehaddrivewayshalfamilelong,someofthemwereevenheatedtopreventicefromforming.Itwouldbehardtogethomeownersinsuranceifthefirerescuecouldn’tgetto

yourhousebecauseofthesnow.

Maggieviewedsomeofthelargerhomesonthemountainside,thinkingtheymayaffordhermoresecurity.SheoptedforasmallerhomeinaplannedcommunitysoElicouldmakefriendsandblendin.Andhehad.

Asshedroppedhimoffatschoolandwatchedhimwalkinside,shefeltatugonherheart..Evenafterallthis

time,leavinghimseemedlikeamistake.

Maggiepulledtotheheadofthecarlineandmadearight.ShelikedtotakethescenicroutethroughthecampusbeforeheadingbacktoCascade.Theeighteenacrecampuswasnestledatthefootofthemountains.Theschoolwasover80yearsold.

Todaythecampushadninebuildingsandastateoftheartperformancecenter.

Elilovedthesmallclassrooms,andtheirjunglegym.Butevenwithallthehype,shedidn’tquitefitinwiththeotherfamilies.Therewasaglasswallseparatingtheirunitoftwofromotherfamilies,andnomatterhowhardshetried,Maggiejustcouldn’tblendintonormallife.

MaggiewavedtoHenryatthesecuritystation.Heseemedsweetbutsheknew

theschoolonlyhadsecurityforpoliticalreasons.Theyweren’tactualcopswithauthority.Notthatcopswerethefinalauthority,inherexperiencethatwaslawyers.Still,itwasreassuringthattheschooltriedtoprotectthechildren;she’dseenwhathappenedatotherschools.Thisonehadastrictpolicyonwhocouldpickupthechildattheendofthedayandtheyalsopersonallydelivered

eachKindergartnertothecar.Parentswerenotallowedoncampusuntilschoolwasofficiallyover.

Dr.GibbonswastheonlysuitablechoiceforMaggie.She’dbeengoingonandoffasneedbe,afterthefirstfullyearofbiweeklyvisits.Hersessionswereexpensive,butDr.Gibbonshelpedherkeepagrasponreality.Intheir

work,Maggiediscoveredshehadalotofuntyingtodo.Hermemorieswerediscombobulatedandherreactionsweresevereandharsh,astheyshouldbe.

RightnowMaggiewascopingwell.Shehadtakenmajorstridesinputtingherlifebacktogether.Buttheworkwasfarfromover.

ThedoctoropenedthedoorandgreetedMaggie.SomeweeksMaggieenjoyed

thesmalltalk,butothertimesshevoicedherconcernsassoonasthedoctorsatdown.“Doyouhaveanythingpressingfortoday,orshallwestartwithyourchart?”“Goahead.”“Howwasyour

anxiety?”“Thesame.”“Meaning?”“Thingsarenormal.I’mlearningtocontrolitinsomeinstancesandignore

itinothers.”“That’swonderfulMaggie.It’swhatwe’vebeenworkingtoward.”Maggiefeltherlipscurl

up.Feelingproudwassomethingshewasnotaccustomedtoo.

“Andhowarethenightmares?”Maggiebitherlipandlookedaway,“Theykeepcoming.”

“Anynewdetails?”

AfteraskingMaggiethatquestionformonths,shefinallyhadsomethingtoreport.“Atruckappeared.Abulldozeractuallyandthereistheevillaugh.Likeademon.”

Dr.Gibbonsclickedherpen.“Whatdoesthatmeantoyou?”

“That’ssomeoneishidingsomethingfromme.”

“Okay.Isthatsomethingyoucanhandle?”

Maggiehuffed.“Ihavehandledit;sowhyamIdreamingaboutit?”

“Therecouldbeanumberofpossibilities,butthereasonyouidentifywiththemostiswhat’simportant.Canyoutellmewhenitappearsinthedream?”Shethoughtaboutit.“It’safterI’vefallen.RightasI’mcallingforVala.”

“And,hasEliappearedinthedreamyet?”Thedoctor

asked,studyingMaggie’sbodylanguageandfacialexpressions.

“No,butIcantellIamlookingforhim.It’smoreinacuriousway,notinaconcernedmanner.”

“Andwhydoyouthinkthatis?”

“Idon’tknow.MaybeitmeansIamnotafraid.”

“Coulditmeananythingelse?”

Maggiestartedtothump

herlegonthefloor.“Maggie,areyouafraidthatitmeanssomethingthatitobviouslycan’t.”

Shetookatissue.“IthinkI’mafraidthatEliwillbecomelikehisfather.”

“Butyouknowthatfearisnotreal.YouareraisingawonderfulboyandJackisnotheretohurthim.”

Maggiehaddayswhenshewantedtoscream.Shedidn’tcarewhatthefacts

wereJackwasstillherebecausehewasinhermind.Andshewantedhimout.

Thesessionendedtoosoon,asmostofthemdid.Shedidn’tmindthedoctor’ssuggestions,becauseitdrewheroutofthelonelylevelsoffearthatoftenisolatedher.Theadageofyouhavenothingtofearbutfearitself,wasringingtrue.

Aquickprayerandtwosongsintoherplaylist,

Maggiewasreadyforwork.Thekennelwasasmallhousewithafewoutdoorbuildingsbehindit.Fromtheunmarkedmailboxyou’dneverknowtheplaceexisted,andthatwashowKlauswantedit.Hisdogswerenotforeveryoneandneitherwashe.

Itwasbeautifulhere.Theairblewsoftlywithapickledgraysky.Maggiezippeduphercoatandstuckherkeysdeepintoherfitted

jeans.Realwomen,Coloradowomen,didn’tcarrypurses.Make-upwasminimal,whichsuitedherjustfine,andmostofyourwardrobeconsistedoflongsweaters,bootsandruggedyogagear,notthatsheparticipated.

Eli’ssixhourschoolday,wasafourhourworkday,thedrivetoschoolfromKlaus’swasover45minutes.Itwasn’tmuchtime,butitwasworthit.Paperswerepiling

upandthedesklookedlikesomethingyou’dfindona“Hoarder’sRUs”TVshow.

Sheunlockedtheofficedoorandenteredthewoodpaneledroom.Sheremovedthearchaicclipboardfromthewallandpenciledinherhours.AquicksurveyoftheroomrevealedKlaushadbeencooking.Hepreparedallthefoodforhisdogs,aweeklychorethattookuptheentiremorning.Thephone

rangandsheletitgotovoicemail.

Turningonthecomputer,sheremindedherselfthatKlausneededtoupdatethingsaroundhere.It’snotlikehewashurtingformoney.Hissecuritydogsrangedfromfivethousandtoovertwenty.Hewasthebesttrainerinthestate,accordingtotheDenverPoliceandtheDEA.ItalsomadeCascadetheperfectplaceforherand

Elitosettledown.Notthattheydidmuchofthat.

Maggiewasnotoriousforkeepingtoherself.AndinthissmalltownshepreferredtouseColoradoSpringsasherbase.Eliwenttoschooldownthemountain,andsheaccomplishedothererrandsinthattown,puttingafortymiledistancebetweenherandthecity,shouldanyonecomelookingforthem.

ThiswastheWest,the

untamedpartofAmerica.ThoughtheSpringswasameltingpot,hercountywasmostlylocals,andthetown’sgeographywasnotconduciveforsmartphone’sandothermodernessentials.ThatwassomethingMaggieembraced.Itwouldmakeiteasierforherliveundertheradar.Shehaddeletedallhersocialmediaandweb-basedcontent,notevenhermotherknewwhereshewas.

CHAPTER3

Targetwasnotbusyforanearlyafternoon.Elisippedhisslurpeeandpushedthecarriage.Sheguidedhimaroundeachturn,worriedhemayknockintoaclothingrackorramanothershopper.Theblondehairedboywaseyelevelwiththehandle,makingsomeotherpatrons

smilewhileahandfullookedworried.

Maggiepickedupsomedogfoodwithasupercouponhermotherhadsenther.Shedidn’thavetimetoplaywithcouponingoradvertisements.Shewantedtogetinandgetout.Hermothertoldhersheshoppedlikeaman,andinawayshedid.Elihadalwaysbeenhererrandbuddy,sincehisfatherrefusedtobringastrangerintotheirhome(I

don’tgetwhatthishastodowithshopping).Jackdidn’ttrustpeople.Inaway,neitherdidMaggie,thoughshehadn’talwaysbeenthatway.

Sheluggedthefortypoundbagofdogfoodbagofftheshelfandplaceditonthebottomofthecart.“Eli.”

“Overheremom.”Whenshelookedupagain,hehadachewysquirreltoyinhishand.“CanwegetitforValamom?”

Maggie’sheartsank.“Maybeanothertime

sweetie.RightnowValalikestoexerciseoutside.”

“Butit’snotforexercisemom.It’sforherteethandtokeephercompanywhenwearegone.”

Shepointedtotherackandaskedhimtoputitback.Hefrowned,andMaggiestoleasipofhisSlurpeehopingtoreengagehim.

“Eli,whatareyougoing

togetThurstonforhisbirthdaypartytomorrow?Weneedtogethimagift.”

Hiseyeslitup,“Iknow,thenewLegosetwiththedragonandtower.”

Maggieshookherhead,“That’saverygenerousgift,butlet’spicksomethinghislittlesisterwon’tchokeon.Howaboutafootball?”

“Okay,”Elisaid,asheledthewaytothesportsaisle.“Butwho’sgoingtothrow

theballtohim.Hedoesn’thaveadaddyeither.”

Maggie’sheartstopped.“Oh.”

Shehadn’trealizedthatEliwastalkingabouthisdad.“Howdoyouknowthatsweetie?’

“Becausewedrewpicturesinclassandhehasallladiesinhis.”

“Isee.”Maggiemadeamental

noteincasehismotherhada

wife.Theremainderofthetrip

playedoutwithasourfacedboyandaveryremorsefulridehome.Wheneverthesubjectofdadscameup,theconversationwasvexing.MainlybecauseMaggieneverknewwhatEliwasthinking.Thatfeelingnaggedhertherestofthenight.

Whendinnerwasover,Maggieputonherpajamasandmadepopcornherlittle

man.ThiswasthetypeofFridaynightdateshelivedfor—justthetwoofthem,athome,snuggledinasthetemperaturedropped.

Maggiepulledthemetalshowerringsacrossthepoleandreachedforherpeachtowel.Shelovedthecolorofspringandyouneededitupinthemountains.Theonlyhintsofcolorshe’dseeweretheflowersintheFranklinCountyStore,notexactlythe

floralarrangementcenter.Shelovedthewildflowers,evenplannedontakingValaforastrollthroughthefieldintown,onceitwarmedup.Butfornow,hertowelwouldhavetodo.

SheturnedofftheexhaustfanandleanedoutthedoortocheckonEli.HerheadtiltedastheSkreeeee,skreeee,skreeeechingnoisepilferedthroughdampair.Thenoisecutthroughherlike

ahangoverheadache.“Eliwhatwasthat?”

Sheprancedoutofthebathroominherrobe.

Theboyfrozewithbothhandsbehindhisback.“Eli,whatwasthatnoise?”

“Whatnoisemommy?”“Youngman,don’tplay

gameswithme.Iaskedyouaquestion.”Hisfrowngaveitaway.“What’sbehindyourback?’

“Achewtoy,”Hesaid

wonderingwhattosaynext.“Giveittome.”Helumberedslowly

towardherwithhisheaddown.

“Honey,Itoldyouno.Andwedidn’tpayforthis.”

“Yesyoudid,”hiseyesglowed.“Isliditoverthescannerwhenyoubentdowntogetthedogfood.”

Maggiepaused.Wasthatevenpossible?“Youdidwhat?”

“Icouldn’thelpitmomma.Valahasnotoys.Ithinkitmakeshersad.Iknewshe’dlovethistoy.”

Maggielookedatthedog.Valawascluelessaboutthedogtoy.Shemovedbacktothekitchenandgotthereceiptoutfromherpurseandsureenough,thereiswas,$7.99pets.

Thedogsatonherbed,waitingforMaggietodirecther.Eliheldoutthetoyand

eagerlypressedthedog,“HereVala.Heregirl.”Thesqueakwasincessant.

ShewatchedasElitossedthetoytothedog.ValalookedatMaggieinacluelessmanner.Elitriedagain.Whenthedogfailedtorespond,hecalledherandthrewthetoytowardthefrontdoor.Valadidn’tmove.Hewalkedback,andwavedthetoyinfrontofherface.Maggiefeltsad.Vala,as

beautifulasshewas,wouldnotretrievethetoy.

Eliputitunderherpaws,andshesniffeditbutsoonreturnedtowatchMaggie.Eliwouldnotgiveup.Hedangleditaboveherhead,tappeditheronnoseandevendemonstratedhowsheshouldplaywithit.

Butthedogwasnotinterested.

“Maybeshethinksthetoyisyoursbabe.Didyou

thinkofthat?”Maggiefeltguilty,for

allowinghimtothinkofValaastheirpet.Butwhatotherexplanationwasthere?InEli’smindthat’swhatshewas.

Thefollowingmorning,Maggiewokeuptotheclank,clank,clankofdogfoodhittingthemetalbowl.Shecringedassheheardithitandrollonthefloor.Sheknew

Elihadrippedopenthenewbagandprayedthemesswasn’tasbadasitsounded.Hisonlychorewastofeedthedog,andputhiswettowelbackinthebathroom.Buthejustcouldn’trememberthemeasuringcup.Shehadtieditontothespout,lefthimasign,talkedtohimaboutit,butstillthisboyjustcouldn’tfeedthedogwithoutcreatingahugemess.

Sherustledthecovers

offandtriednottobeirritated.Atleastshesleptthroughthenight.Thatwasahugeblessing.

ScufflingupthehallwaysheturnedintothekitchenandwitnessedElitryingtopickupthefoodonepieceatatime.“Mom,canIeatthis?”

“No.It’sVala’sfood.”“Butwhatisdogfood?”Shebentdownbeside

him.“It’samixofmeatandcorn.It’sgoodforthedog,”

Shesaid,knowingthatwasablatantlie.Klausexplainedwhatcommercialdogfooddidtoacanine.Maggiejustcouldn’tbelieveit.

HeregularlycookedforthedogsatthekennelandheusedYakmeatalongwithamixtureofvegetables.Thefillersincommercialdogfoodleadtoillnessandjointproblem,justlikepeople.

Elicollectedabunchinhishand.“It’scrunchy.”

“Yesitis.”ShestoppedlongenoughtohearValamunchherfooddown.“Itcleansherteethtoo.”

“Shedoesn’tneedherteethesbrushed?”Heaskedinquisitively.

“Nosir,”shekissedhiscurlsandstraightenedup.“Nowwe’rerunninglate,it’stimetogetreadyforschool.”

Klausstormedinthebackdoor,notoutofanger,butbecausehewasabachelorwithmoredogsensethanhuman.SheknewKlauswouldn’tbothertokickoffthedirtfromhisbootsnorhadhebotheredtocombhishair.

Maggiestayedseatedatherdesk,whichalsoservedasthecoffeestationandmailcenter.“Goodmorning,”shesmiled.

Heyankedopentherefrigerator.“AnythingIneedtoknowabout?”

“Volosisshippingouttomorrow.AndKrevaisstillnursing.Itwillbeabusyweekend.”

Krevawashistopbitch.Buyerspaidapremiumforherbabeswiththetraining.Fromthelooksofit,noonewouldassumethisplacemadethattypeofmoney.Butplacingtentotwelvedogsa

year,wasacomfortableliving,atleastMaggiethoughtso.

“IstheAurorataskforcecominguptotrain?”

Klaushuffed,meaningtheyhadnotsecuredtheirspot.Itwasmoneytheywerecountingon.

“Someoneelsewillcall,theyalwaysdo.”

Shemadedeposits,repliedtoemails,sentoutinformationandbookednew

appointments.Noonecametothekennelwithoutanappointment.Itwasn'tsafe.Betweentrainingandboarding,theseelitedogswerenotshowpieces.Theydeservedrespect.Thatmessagehowever,justdidn'ttranslatetochildren.

Businessesoutsideoftownshiphadtobeclearlymarked.Therewasawoodsignbytheroadsidemarkingthekennel,thewordsclosed

tothepublicwereclearlydefined.Therewerealsobewaresignsandnotrespassingpostsalongthedriveway.

Thepropertywasextensiveandfindingitprovedtobetrouble,evenforthelocals.Klauswouldhaveitnootherway.Someofthedogswereworthmorethanhecharged,Maggiediscoveredthatwhenshereviewedtheinsurance

policy.ThesametypeofpolicyshehadtakenoutonVala.

SherememberedthedayElifirstmetVala.Thedogwasridinginthebackofthecarwhenshepickedhimupfromdaycare.Thebrightredbowtiedaroundherneckmadethedog'swhitefurseemlikepuresnow.ValalovedthesnowandguardedEliwellwhenheplayedinit.Thehillbehindtheirhouse

wasperfectforsleddingandValahadbroughtthesledbackupthehillafewtimes.Shepherdsweremadeforthesnow.

CHAPTER4

MaggiebathedEliafteragameofcheckers.Theboyhadaknackforstrategyandcouldoftenbeatheratchess.Ifonlyshehadsuchaknack,thenshecouldfindanotherbooktopublishandputthefinancialstressbehindher.

Maggiesortedthrough

theunsolicitedsubmissionssenttotheNewYorkfirmandhopedforthebest.Thelasttwomanuscriptsshefoundhadcomefromfirsttimewriters,butlately,theriseofselfpublishinghadthinnedoutthetalent,andherbankaccount.

Sheclosedherlaptopandsettledinwithacupoftea.She’dsleptsolonowforalmostthreeyears.Shelikedlivingalonebuttheempty

bedhaditsdrawbacks.Still,itwasproofthatlifewasreturningtonormalnowthatJackwasgone.Maggieclosedhereyesandlistenedtothehumoftherefrigerator.Shehadcometoappreciateitscomfortingpresence.

ThelastthingsherememberedwasJayLenocomingonair.Sherolledoverandreachedfortheremote,pilingexcesspillowsallaroundher.Thenshe

noddedoff.Likeclockworkshewokeup20minutesintohersleepcycle.Forthosetwentyminutesshewasatpeace.Butthesecondherbrainwokeherup,theadrenalinerushbegan.Hersenseswereonfullalertwhetherhereyeswereopenorshut.

ImmediatelyshewasbackinNewYork,andrecalledthenightJackfirstwentmissing.Sheawoketo

themicrowavebuzzing.Thebedroomdoorwasopenandthelightfromthefoyerfilledthehallway.Themoonwasfullthatnight.Sheeasedoutofbedwhichwasdifficultwithherlargeroundbelly,andlistenedforJack.Shecalledoutforhimbuttherewasnoanswer.

Grippingtherailingshemadeherwaydownthewoodenstairs.Halfwaydown,shecouldseethefront

doorwasajar.Itwaslatesummerandnoisefromoutsidecrittersworriedher.Whoknewwhatkindofpestswererunningaroundinthemiddleofthenight.Sheshutthedoor,bolteditandputontheporchlight.IfJackfoundthedooropenhemighthaveanotherepisodeandthatwasthelastthingsheneeded.

Maggieneverdreamedsomeoneelsewouldbeinthehouse.“Jack?”Shelooked

outtothedriveway,bothcarswereparkedthere.Passingthediningroomwindow,shelookedupatthemoon.Thelawnwasbrightandthetreessurroundingthehousestoodlikepostedguards.

Shetiptoedtowardthekitchenwherethemicrowavecontinuedtospin.“Jack?”Shescannedthekitchenandsawtheopenrefrigerator.Asshecloseditshenoticedawhitelightflickerbeneaththe

pocketfolddoors.Panicbegantofillher.

Herpalmsbegantosweatasshemovedslowlytowardthecloseddoors.Shebeggedherleadenlegstomoveforward.Sheheldherbreath.Whocoulditbe?ThegarbledsoundsoftheTVfilledtheroom.Itseemedlikeagesbeforeshereachedthedoors.Maggiehesitatedbeforeliftingherhandtoknockonthedoor.Shetappedtwice,

“Jack.Jaa-ckisthatyou?”Therewasnoanswer.Whatwashedoing?

WhensheturnedaroundJackstoodbehindher,likeastatue.

“Babe,what’sgoingon?”Maggiestammered.

Motionlesshestaredather.

“Jack,what’sgoingon?”Hemovedpastherback

towardthehallway.Herthroatclenched,washe

sleepwalking?Herinclinationtofollow

ledhertothebackdoor,facingtheyard.Jackstoodinthedoorwayoftheporchstaringblanklyintotheyard.

“Issomeoneoutthere?”Hestoodthereinitially

unresponsive.Heheldnoweapon,hadnoanger.Secondstickedbybeforehesaid,tonooneparticular,“Theyarecoming.Hundredsofthem.”

Maggietensedup.“Who’scomingJack?”Hemovedclosertothe

window.“Thesoldiers,”hesaid.

Maggieknewnowthathewassleepwalking.

Shewantedtotellhimthatnoonewasoutthere,thathewasjustdreaming.Buttheyearsofstorieshehadtold,ledhertosaynothing.IfJackwokeup,shedidn’tknowhowtoexplainwhatwas

happening.Whatifheturnedonher?Whatifheyelledandthreatenedher?

Shestoodstillcontemplatinghermoves.Itwasbestnottowakeasleepwalkerandinthiscase,shehadnoideahowJackwouldreact.“Isee,”shereplied,hopingtomoveaway.

Justthenthemicrowavestopped;itbeepedthreetimes.Sheheldherbreath.Jackmovedawayfromthe

windowwithevensteps,likearobot.Shewatchedashemovedtowardthekitcheninatrancelikestate.Heopenedthemicrowaveandhoveredoverthestove.Nothingwasinsidethemicrowave.Stillhestoodthere,staring.

Whatthehellwashappening?

Maggiereturnedtobedthatnightbutdidsointheguestroom.ShelockedthedoorandtoldherselfthatJack

washavinganepisodefromhischildhood.Thatwasthecauseofallthis.Hehadnightterrorsasakidandtalkedtothingsinthedark.Maybesomepartofhimslippedbackintime.Whatelsewasthecause?

Herfistsclenchedthepillows,untiltheyached.Sheopenedhereyes,blinkinghardintothedarkroom.Shewassafenow.Jackwasgone.Thiswasanewworld,anew

home.Noonehadtoknowanything.Shedidn’tneedtoworry.Butsomethinginsideherwouldnotrest.

“MommyIthinkValapeedonherbed.”

Maggieyawnedandlookedatthesunglaringthroughthewindow.Withhervisionnotquiteintact,Maggiestaredatthespot

besideVala'sbed.Itwasn’tpee.Itlookedlikebile;somethinghaddefinitelymadehersick.Sheputherhandoverherhead.Howcouldshehavegottenintoanything?Maggiedidn’tevenusetraditionalcleaners,theyweretootoxic.

"Eli,didyougointothegaragethismorning?"

"No."Hereturnedtohistoyswherehehadbeenplaying.Whatcouldshehave

gotteninto?Eitherway,thedogstillhadtorelieveherself.SheclippedVala’sleashonandheadedtothedoor.“Stayherebuddy,I’lltakeherout.”

Valasniffedthemorningairandstaredoutoverthemountains.Withmethodicstepssheproceededdownthedriveway.Maggiewatchedthedogscanthehorizon.Theemptylotdownthestreethadnewconstruction.Valedid

nottrustthemenworkingthere,whichwasevidentbythewaysheguardedMaggieduringtheirwalks.She’dpushintoMaggie’slegtosteerhertheotherway.Herearswouldshiftwithnoiseandattimesshe’dsit,asifprotestingtonotwalkanyfurther.

Klaushadexplainedthathisdogswerenotraisedtobepets.Theyobservedandtheyworked.Theythoughtfor

theirhumanwhenthehumansensescouldnotdetectapproachingdanger;anynoise,smellormovementthatwasnotpartthehome,wastobetested.Valatestedeverynewthing.

Maggierubbedhershouldersandstaredatherneighbor’sopengarage.ThedoorwaywasfilledwithChristmasdecorations,andaladderleduptotheroofline,wherelightswouldsoonbe

strung.MaggielovedChristmas,butwhohadthetimefordecorating?EveryyearEliaskedtogetsnowglobeorareindeerforthefrontyard,andeveryyearMaggiepassedontheaddedexpense.Perhapsthisyear,theycouldsplurge.

Thecoldairmadeherthankful.And,witheachnewseasonshebegantofeellikelifewasgettingbetter.Heretheyweresafelynestledinan

establishedneighborhood.Shewasfriendlytothepeoplewhowavedasshedroveby.Oneofthemevencheckedonherfromtimetotime,Mrs.VonEffeir.Sweetladybutshewasthetowntalker!

“ComeVala.”Thedogstayedperched

atthetopofthedriveway.Maggielookedinthe

samedirectionasVala,butallshesawwerebarrentrees

andsnowpittedmoundsofdirt.Theoppositesideofthestreethadsparsetreesandsteepdropdowntotheroadbelow.

Clairewasonthephonewhentheyreturnedinside.Maggieblewonherhandscoveredhernose.TheairwasbitterforNovember.Sherewardedthedogandwalkedtowardherbedtocleanupthemess.Clairehowever,wasuninterestedinthe

morningchaos.“Hey,how’syourday

going?”“HiClaire.I’mnotsure

yet,otherthanIamcleaningupafterthedog.”

“That’sfair.WanttogoforcoffeewhileEliisathisbirthdayparty?”Maggiestaredattheclock.“Ohgoodness,Iforgot.Yes,seeyouthere.”

Elisecuredhisbackpackandhustledouttothecar.“IsValacomingfortheride?”

Maggieknewthepartywouldonlylastuntil1:00pm.Maybesheshouldtakeherwithherincaseshegotsickagain.

“Vala,”shecalled.Thedogstoodup,eagertoobey.

KlaushadtoldherthatVala’sgenesmadehertheperfectprotectorforafamily.Shelovedcarrides,walksin

woodsandwouldputupwithsmallchildren.AhomeinColoradoalsoprovidedafittingareaforthedogtoroam.ShepherdsneedexerciseandMaggiecouldhandlethat,mainlybecauseshewantedElitolovetheoutdoors.WhensheneededmoreexercisethanMaggiecouldmuster,sheentrustedElitowalkthedog.Valaknewthedifferencebetweenthechildandhermaster,and

sheneverpulledathimorranaway.

Valastayedinthecarandonlysatupwhensomeoneleftthecar.ShewatchedEliashemadeitintothebuildingsafely,andshe’dpatrolthesidewalkagainwhenMaggiewentinsidethecoffeeshop.

Clairewasinsidethemountaincafé,sittingbythecouchesatasmalltablefortwo.Shesatbacksmiling

withthatingeniousglareonherface,“IseeyoubroughtVala.”

Maggieloopedherbagoverthechairhandleandsatdown.“Yeah,shegotsickthismorning.IthoughtI’dkeepaneyeonher.”

“Sick?Likehow?”“Likesheatesomething

bad;that’sneverhappenedbefore.”

“Sonaturallyyoujustputherinthecarandtookher

withyou?”Oh,howsheloved

Claire’ssarcasm.MaggiewithheldthefactthatValahadpoisontraining.ItwassomethingKlausdidwithallhissecuritydogs.ShewantedValatohaveit.Sothatruledoutherfirstfear.Whatsheateandwheregotit,wasstillpuzzling.

“Didyoutakeheronahike?Maybesheateasquirrelorsomething.”

Maggienoddednoandtuckedherchairintighter.Hikeswerenotonthe’To-Do’list,especiallywiththenightmaresshe’dbeenhaving.Maybeinthespring,shethoughttoherself.

“I’vegotsomethingforyou.”

Clairehandedherabusinesscard.

“What’sthis?”“Justthenameof

someoneIthoughtcouldbe

useful.”Maggiesatback

indignantly,“We’vebeenthroughthis.Iamnotdating.”

Maggiewasagitatedandherfriendknewit.“Whatissofunny?”

“Youobviouslydidn’treadthecard.It’sareferral,notadate.”

“Claire,EliandIarefine.”

“Iwishyouguyswouldmoveclosertotown.Idon’t

likeyoubeingbackinthewoodslikethat.”

“EliandIareperfectlyhappyupthere.Wearen’tbigcitypeople.”

Herfriendridiculedherwiththatknow-it-allstare.“Youcouldgetintroubleupthere,allalone.Godonlyknowswhowandersaboutinthewoods.Allthatlandbehindyou,thenationalforest.Damnfugitivescouldbelurkingaround.”

Maggiesmiled,butthatfearwassomethingshewrestledwithdaily.

Maggiepulledoutherphoneandsnappedapictureofthecard.“Youcankeepthecard.Idon’twantElifindingit.”

“Youdorealizeatthisageheismoreapttofinditonyourphonethaninyourpurse?”

Shehadapoint.“Makethecall.”

CHAPTER5Eliracedintothebedroomat6:45am.“Mom,it’sworking.Igrewaninch,”Hescreechedashepulledheroutofbed.“Awholeinchmomcomeandsee.”

Maggiereachedforherrobe.Thehousewasfreezing.Shetriedtobeinterestedin

Eli’sgrowthbutsomethingwaswrongwiththeheat.Hadthefirediedout?Didsheleavethedoortothegarageopen?

Eliproudlystoodagainstthewallwherehismotherhadtapedagirafferuler.Hisheadfitperfectlybesidethelastmarkshemade.“WOW,youarereallygrowing,”Shesaidproudly.

“Iknewit.I’mgonnabebigasMr.VonEifferdown

thestreet.”Maggiehadtothink

aboutthatforaminute.Mrs.VonEifferlivedalone,orsoshethought.Maybeitwasherson.

“Thanksmom.”Eliwasaverageheight

butlatelyhe’dbeenobsessedwithgrowingtallerthantheotherkidsinhisclass.Shewonderedifeverythingwasalright.“It’stooearlytostartthedaybaby,canyoutryto

gobacktosleep?”“ButI’mtooexcited

mom.CanIjustplayquietly,please?”hebegged

“Eli,youaresupposedtostayinbeduntil7am.”

“WhatifIbringmytoysontothebedwithme,thenIwillbeinbedtillitstime?”Whatmotherwouldsaynotosuchnegotiations?Shewouldgetanotherhourofsleep,andifhefellasleepearlytoday,allthebetter.

Randall’streefarmwasjustsixmilesaheadontheleft.TheyhadasmallSanta’svillageoutside,whichMaggiespottedbeforeEli.Parkingwaseasyandtheywerereasonablypriced.Therewasalwayshotciderandatentthatblewwarmairwhileyouwaitedforthemtoloaditontoyourcar.

Eliwouldprobablyseeafriendortwofromintown.

Butrightnowhehadtwofeetrunningfullspeedtowardthegianttreesinthebackofthelot.

Eli’seyeswereaglowwithatwelvefootbeauty.“Howaboutthisonemom?”Shemarveledatitsgirthandheight.“Sheissomethinghuh.”

“Canwegetit?”“Honey,wherearewe

gonnaputit?”Hissmileddisappeared.

“Itwon’tfitwillit?”Shetussledhishair.“I’m

afraidnot.”“What’sthebiggesttree

wecanget?”Hershrugonlydelayed

theanswer.“Aboutsevenfeet,weneedroomfortheangel.”

Maggie’sgrandfatherhadmadeangelforherwhenshewasalittlegirl.Shestillhaditpackedawayinabox.Afteryearsofmoving,her

Christmasbundlehaddwindleddowntoasmallamountofdecorationsandornaments.

“There’sjustsomethingaboutChristmas,”shecheered.

“Yeah,presents.”Eliadded.

Christmashadalwaysbeenmorethangifts.Evennowthesmellofhotcider,thesparkleofthelights,themerrytonesofcheer,the

cold,theice,thestarrynights;itmadeherfeellikeshewasinaHollywoodmovie.ShegentlyremindedherselfthatChristmashadbeentakenbackbyHalloweenandThanksgiving,everyonefightingmoreadvertisementandyearlongsales.

WherewerethedaysofChristmascarolingandactuallycaringforourneighbor?Whendidpresentsbecomeplasticgiftcardsthat

tooknothoughtatall,ormealsthatresembledlittlecareandpreparation?

Shewasdestinedtofixthat.Perhaps,that’swhytheyboughtthelargetree.Shepaidcashandgotadiscount,thensteeredEliintotheheatedtent.Impulsewillcauseawomantodocrazythings,butthistoppeditall.TherewasatenfoottreetiedtoherVolkswagonandnoonewhocouldhelpittakeoff

oncetheygothome.Hadshebeenfriendlier,

shemayhavehadaneighborortwooffertocomehelp.

Elihadpassedoutinthecarontheridehome.Shepulledupthedrivewayslowly,notsureofwhattodonext.Theskywasdarkby5:15pmandshehadnodinnerandalongwaytodragthisprecioustree.

Maggiesnuckoutofthecarandletthedogout.Vala

wasgood,hertraininghadreallypaidoff.Shetookthedogforashortwalk,keepinghereyesonthecaratalltimes.Youneverknewwhatcouldhappenthesedays.Shehurriedbackinsidewhenthephonerang.Thehousephone,ofallthings.Shebarelyreacheditintime,thevoicesoundedunfamiliarbuttheyknewher.

“Maggiedear,it’sIngridVonEifferfromdownthe

street.ListenIhatetobotheryou,butwejustsawyoudriveby.Mynephewishere,andheiswonderingifhecanhelpyouwiththattreeofyours.”Shehesitated.“I’mfine,Ingrid.Thankyou.”

“Soyouhaveaboyfriendthen?Isthatwho’sgoingtohelpyouwiththetree?”

Againshepaused.“No,noboyfriendhere,”shereplied.“Ihatetotrouble

yournephew.Iwillfindsomeonetomorrow.”

Ingridlaughed.“I’llsendhimrightup.Youcanthankmetomorrow.”

ShehungupbeforeMaggiecouldsayno.

Eliranintothewarmhouse,“Canwestartafiremom?”

Hemadenomentionofexitingthecarwithoutherpermission.Shelookedatthemonstroustreeandbackat

him.Itwasgoingtobealongnight.“Ineedtocheckthefirewoodsituationbabe.”

Sheputthephonebackonthereceiverandbalancedherthoughts.Maybethisscrawnyteencouldatleasthelphergetitinthedoor.

Shepulledoutanoldblanketandspreaditoutonthedriveway,hopingtorollthetreeoffthehood.Beforeshecoulddothemathatherwoodsupplyandfinances,a

darkfigurecametowardthegarage.Herheartstoppedandshetightenedherfists.Thedoorwasopen.EithershewouldmakeitinsideorValawouldrunoutbeforehegottoher.

“Ma’amI’mBenHall,Ingrid’snephew,”hesaidinaverydeep,beautifulvoice.

Maggiesizeduptheruggedjeans,andthickflannelcoat.“You’rethenephew?”Sheasked

incredulously.“Yes,”hesmiledgently.

Hershouldersrelaxedimmediately.

ThemantippedhisheadunderthegaragedoorasMaggie’seyeswidened.Hewastheepitomeofalumberjack,bootsandall.Hehadtostandsixfootthree,easy.Helookedattheroofofhercar,“That’ssometree.”

Sheshrugged,“Thethingsyoudoforyourkids.”

Hesmiledback.Mentalnote,hehasallhisteeth—ararityinthemountains.

“Areyousureyoudon’tmind?”“Iwalkedallthewayuphere;it’dbeashameifyoudon’tletmehelp.”

“You’reagodsendtrustme.”

Helookedatherasifhewantedtoreturnthecomplimentbutrefused.“Wanttoshowmewhereit’s

going?”“Oh,comeonin.”

MaggiewalkedaheadandgaveValathecommandtostanddown,“Bezpency.”

“Nowthat’sabeautifuldog.”Maggieofferednointroductions.“I’veneverseenawhiteshepherdbefore.”Itfeltstrangetohaveamanstandbehindandfollowherintothehouse.Thesensationwasarousing.She

walkedbythekitchenandintothelivingroom,“Iwasthinkingitmayfithere.We’llhavetotrimit,ofcourse,butthelightfromthewindowisperfect.”

“Mommy,you’recuttingmytree?”

Maggiespunonherheels.“Heybaby.ThisisMr.Hall.He’sMrs.VonEiffer’snephew.”

Elirushedforward.“Wow,youareasupertall

man.I’veseenyoubeforewhenwedroveby.”

Benkneltdown.“Hitherelittleman,”hesaidasheheldouthislargehand.“I’mgladtomeetyou.”

“CanyouhelpuswiththeKris-maastree?”ElilovedtoexaggeratethewordChristmas.

Benstoodup.“That’swhyIamhere.”Eli’sneckbentup,“How’dyougettobesotall?”

Benlaughedheartily,likeSantabutwithoutthebeard.“Magicboots.”Elishiftedhiseyestothe

floor.“Wow.”“MomcanIgetmagic

bootsforChristmas?”Hepleaded.

ShelookedtoBenasifthestrangercouldhelpheroutwiththisone.

Helookeddownattheboy,“Youbetterwritethat

lettertoSantaifyouwanttheboots.Andtellhimyouareeatingyourveggiestoo.”

Eli’sshouldersfell.“Butmom,wealreadydidthatinschool.Imailedittothenorthpolelastweek.”

Benpattedhiscurlyhead.“That’sokay.YoucanalwaystalktoSantaatthemall,right?”

“Butmymommydoesn’tlikethemall.Wenevergo.”

“Never?”heasked

glancingatMaggie.“Youhavetotakethe

kidforChristmas.IworkinDenverandthemallthereisdecoratedliketheNorthPole.Youhavetocomeseeit.Thedisplayisoutlandishandveryappealing,Ipromise.”

ElituggedonBen’sjeans.“What’soutlandishmean?”

“Itmeanstheelvesarethere.Andthereisatrain,andlotsofgoodies.”

“Canwegomom,canwe?”Sheskirtedthequestion.“Denverisalongdrivebud.Plus,whatarewegonnadowithVala?Wecan’tleaveherhereallday.”

“Wecouldbringherwithus.”

“Honey,whydon’tyouhelpMr.HallwiththetreeandIwillthinkaboutit.”

Theboyslouchedoverandmumbledtohimself.

“Doyouneedmyhelp?”“Ithinkwecanhandle

it.”Maggiemadeamental

notethatBenwashelpingboostEli’sselfesteem.Itwasamanprojectandshedidn’tneedtointerfere.

ShepulledoutsomeleftoverroastbeeffordinnerandmadesuretherewasenoughincaseBenwantedtostay.ShecouldthankhermotherfortheItaliancooking

gene,shemademorethanwasnecessaryforjustherandEli,andwouldcontinuetodoso.Besides,Eliwasalwaysaskingpeopletostayfordinner.Sheassumedhemissedhisfatherandtriedtocreatehisownfamilybyhavingfriendscomefordinner.

Heinvitedeverybody,evenkidsfromschoolwholivedanhouraway.

Fiveminuteslaterthe

garagedoorswungopenandincameherlittletykewitharednoseandzippedupcoatthatmadehimabitclumsy.“Thisway,”hehollered.Sherushedtothedoorandcloseditbehindthem.

Thetreefarmhadanextralargestand,foranadditionaltwentybucks,plustipforwhoevertiedthemonsterpineontohercar.Shewasinforwelloverahundreddollarsbytimethey

left.ButthesmileonEli’sfacewasworthit.

Thetreewasupinnotime,withoutmuchefforteither.“Wow,”Maggieroundedthekitchencornerandstaredatthemassivepine.”“Ican’tbelieveitfits.”Ofcoursegivenhisheight,Benmadethetreeabitsmaller.

“Itookanothersixinchesoffjusttobesure.I

figuredyoumayhaveanangelorstarthatyouwanttofitatthetop.”

“Wedo.Thankyou.”Maggieturnedbackto

getsomemoneyforBen.“Heymom,canhestay

fordinner?”Shesmiled,havingbeen

onestepaheadofhim.Benheldouthishandinprotest.“That’snotnecessary.”

“It’snoproblem.Iwasalreadyheatingupdinner

whenyouwereoutside.”Hestraightenedup.“I’m

gratefulfortheofferbutIhavetogetback.”

Eli’sshoulderscavedyetagain.Hewaseithercrushedormanipulatingthesituation.Maggiewasn’tsure.

“Buddy,Benhasafamilytoo,heneedstogethome.”

Herheartdidaminorjiltwhenhedidn’tcorrecther.Inherexperienceamanwilllet

youknowifheisavailable.Eitherwayshewasnothavingahandsomeruggeddinnerguestanditwasbesttoletthenotiongo.

“Itwasapleasuremeetingbothofyou.Ihopetoseeyousoon,”

ElifollowedBentothegaragedoorandwatchedasMaggiecloseditbehindhim.Hisbehaviorremindedherthathersonwasgrowingupwithoutafatherfigure;and

thatwasherchoice.Eliwouldneverhearfromhisfatheragain,wouldhe?Andshe’dholdontothatsecretuntilshedied.

CHAPTERSIXMaggiewokeat1:50am,

rubbingherneck.Thefirewasatadullroar.Sheclosedthefluteandtrailedoffto

bed.ShehadaglassortwoofwineandperusedthroughherfavoriteonlinecatalogonceElifellasleep.HehadtalkedaboutBenfornearlyanhouronceheleft.

Maggiefeltatwingeofguiltyetagainforbeingasinglemom,butshewasn’tabouttodatesomeonejusttopleaseherson.There’snowayshewasready—notevenifMr.Hallwasavailable.Herstubbornness

hadbecomequitethedefense.Itservedherwelltoo.

SheshutoffthelightsandpeeredintoEli’sroom.Thebrightglowofhisglobewasstillspinning;evensheenjoyedtheuniversedisplayasitmovedalongtheceiling.Hewantedhertokeepitonallnightasarewardforfinallymovingintohisownbedroom.

Assheshutthedoor,shethoughtofBen.Itwasa

strangebutcomfortablefeelingtohaveamanintheirhome.Amanshefoundattractive,inaruggedsortofway.Butwhatwasattraction,otherthanagroupofhormonesandchemicalsthatledtostupiddecisions?

Whatsheneeded,ifsheevenneededman,wassomeonewhowasdocileandtrustworthy.NotsomeonewhoworkedinDenveranddidGodknowswhatwhilehe

wasgone.Itwastooeasythesedaystopoppills,haveaffairs,hideyourtrueself.No,shewasbetteroffwithVala.ThenClaire’svoicewanderedthroughhermind.Youcan’thideforeverMaggie.OnedayyouhavetofindafatherforEli.

Assoonasshepushedawaythethought,Benpoppedupinhermindagain.Shefeltthesmilegraceherfaceandblushedeventhough

noonewaslooking.Klauswasonthephone

whenMaggiearrived.TheofficelookedevenmessierthanwhensheleftitonFriday.Shefishedthroughthemail,sortingbills,checks,advertisementsandrequests.Nextshecheckedthefaxmachine.Klausdidn’tseemtocareaboutfinances;whichiswhyheneededMaggie.Healsohatedemail,soshespentagoodhalfhourperday

printingoutincomingmessagesbeforesendingareply.

Businesswasbooming,especiallywithallthefussabouthandgunsandpersonalprotection.Maybeitwastimeforhertoaskforaraise;itcouldn’thurt.Hewasagoodboss.Henevercomplainedandhedidn’taskquestions,unlessitpertainedtothecanineindustry.Eveninthebeginning,heonlysecured

enoughinformationaboutherhistorytopairherupwiththerightdog.Whetherornotheunderstoodherfear,shedidnotknow.Tohimitwasjustlikeanyothersale.

Perhaps,thelessheknewthebetter.AsfarasMaggiewasconcerned,shefeltmorecomfortableherethanatanywoman’ssheltershe’dstayedinalongtheway.

Klaushungupthephone

andmarkedthewallcalendar.“TheAuroraK9unitwillbecomingnextmonth,”hesaid,voidofanyemotion.

“That’sgreat.They’vebeenupintheairforweeksnow.”

“Well,it’sofficial.AndIevenraisedmyprice,sincetheygavemesuchtrouble.”

Klaushadbegunanewprogramfornarcoticsdogs.OneofhisDEAclientsbackEastwasscheduledfor

trainingthreedaysthisweek.Shehadtohandittohim,Klausdidnottravel,everyonecametohim.Hewasoneofthebest.Theydidn’tadvertiseinRobbReportandhigh-endmagazines.YouonlyfoundKlausthroughareferral.That’showheknewyouwereserious,andthatyouhadthefinancestoaffordhim.

Maggiereadanarticleinagunmagazinethat

interviewedKlaus.Theinformationwasincredibleandoutlinedthepersonalsecurityadogcouldaddtosecuritydetailformillionaires.Hebelievedyoushouldtakeyourdogwithyouwhenyoutravel,itwouldthwartoffattackers.Andwhenyouownabilliondollarcompany,youmakeenemies.Someofthemwon’twaitforyouathome—hencebringingthedog.

ThecoolairwhippedinbehindEli.Heclimbedintothebackofthecarandbuckledhimselfinhisseat.Hispuffycoatmadeitdifficult,soMaggiemadehimunzipit.

“Heybuddy,howwasyourday?”

“Good.”Hischeekswereredfromwaitingoutside.Heheldontoagreenpieceofpapereventhoughthewindtuggeditfromhislittlehands.

“Whatdoyouhavethere?”Shetookthepaperandreaditastheycreptforwardoutoftheschoolpickupline.“You’recollectingpineconesforaChristmascraft.Howcoolisthat?”

“It’sgonnabefun.Canwegetsomefromouryard?Therearehugeonesinthebackatthebottomofthehill.”

Maggiewasn’tafanofthehill.Itwasfunfor

sleddingbutwalkingbackuptothehouse,haditschallenges.

“Itellyouwhat,whydon’twegotothestoreandbuytheothersuppliesthiswaywecansupporttheschoolandthenwhenitwarmsup,wewillcollectplentyofconesinouryard.”

Elishookhishead,alreadysippingawayatthechocolatemilkshebroughtforhim.

Thelightsintownwerefarandfewbetween.Maggiesailedupthebusyroute.Thetwentymiletrekbetweentownswasfilledwithrockycanyonsandsparsefirtrees.Spacingoutatthelight,MaggiestartedtothinkaboutBen.SheknewhewantedtoreturntoDenver,sowhydidheaskherout?HedidcomebackandspenttimewithEli.Thatdoesn’treflecttheactionsofaguywho’s‘not’

interested.Still,whatwasshedoing?Wasthissomesortofpeptalktogetherreadyforadateorworse,toprepareherincasetherewasnodate.

Maggiecheckedtherearviewmirrorwhentheydrovethroughtown.Shesmiledastheycametoaredlight.Eliwassingingalongtohisfavoritetune,whenshelookedbackagainshenoticedamaninadarkhoodycrossingthestreet.Herheart

froze.Shecouldn’tseethe

person’sfacebutthewalkwasfamiliar.Shewatchedhimreachthecornerandheadupahill.Therewerenorestaurantsorgasstationsinthearea,andthelightwasacrossingonlyforcarsthatlivedinCascade.

“BEEEEEPPPPPPP.”Thecarbehindherslammedonthehorn.Hereyeswerefixedontheman.She

hesitatedtomove.Thefigureclimbeduparockyformationandkeptgoing.WasitJack?

“Gomommy,”Elicalled.

Thelightturnedorangeandcarscontinuedtopass.Shepressedonthegasandspedthroughthesignal.“Elihoney,Mommyhasagreatidea.Whydon’twegohomeandwarmupbythefire.Wecandothestoreonawarmerday.”

Shekeptdrivinganddugthroughherpurse.Herthroatclosed.WasthatJack?Orwashermindplayingtricksonher?

ValawasatthedoorandMaggierushedEliinside.Heswervedapaperplanethroughtheairlikeafighterjet.“Mom,lookit’sonfire,”hesaideagerlyasheranaroundher.

Maggieneverknewtherightresponsewhenher

entirebodytensedupandEliwasjustplayingaslittleboysdo.Shewantedtostophim,protecthimandsometimesevenyell,butwhatgoodwouldthatdo.

AtbedtimeMaggieurgedElitogotosleep.HermindwasinaquandaryoverBen.Shehadbeenhopingtohearfromhim,butnothing.Shebegantowonderwhy.

Maggiestoodstill,theechooffootstepscamefrombehindher.Shespunback,tryingfigureoutwhichwaysheshouldgo.Thetreeswerevastandsprawling,neitherdirectionseemedsafe.Shebegantolookaround,andlookedup.Wherewasshegoingtohide?

Justthentheriflefired.Maggieopenedhereyes

andclenchedherchest.Shelistenedforthesoundbut

realizeditwasthedreamagain.Thistime,Valawasstaringatherfromthesideofthebed.Sheproppedherselfuponhershoulders,andlookedaround.Thetimewas5:35am.

“Whatisitgirl?”Thedogbackedup,

signalingMaggietofollowher.Itwasnotlikelythatthedoghadtogooutside,Valahadascheduleandsherarelydeviated.Thankfulthatshe

sleptasolidsixhours,shepushedthecoversbackandwalkedtowardthewindow.Thesunhadyettoriseinherbackyard.

Maggiecheckedonherlittleguy,Valastayedclosetoher.Hewouldbeupsoon,readyforhisSaturdaymorningcartoons.

Sheusuallylefthisdoorajar,astonotwakehim.Thankfullythechildwasstillasleep.Shestaredatherbaby,

wishinginherhearttherehadbeenmorechildren.Butshewouldn’ttradehimfortwoothers.Hewasherpreciousmiracleandsheneededtorememberthat.

Maggietuckedherhairbehindherearsandpressedakisstohisplumpcheek.Thenshepulledhisblanketsuptohiswaist.Hewasalwayskickinghiscoversoffinthemiddleofthenight.Itwasaconstantstruggle.He’dkick

offthecoversinasweatandlatercooloffwithoutthem,hencethemiddleofthenightbedwettingaccidents.

Shewenttothekitchen,pouredherselfacupofwaterandheateditupinthemicrowave.Shedidn’tconsiderherselfanofficialteadrinkeruntilsheboughtateapot!Fornowshewasanex-coffeedrinkerwhojustwantedsomethingwarmtosipandbesides,hotchocolate

wasunkindtothehips.Valawalkedovertothe

doorandlayonherbed.Itwascustomaryforhertosleeptherewhenthenightwassettlingin.StillMaggiewonderedifherdreamswerebotheringthedog?Couldshetellsomethingwaswrongwithhermaster?

MaggieshuffledbacktoherbedandflippedontheTV.Whycookingshowsputhersleep,shestillhadn’t

figuredout,buttheyworked.Shelookedoveratherjournalonthenightstand.Shehadovertwoweeksuntilhernextappointment,whoknowswhatmayhappenbeforethen.Maybelifewouldgetbetter,maybeshewouldmiraculouslyheal.Maybe.

CHAPTER7

ClairecalledonthewaytoSt.Bart’s.ShewantedtomeetupandgiveMaggiesomeclothesherdaughtersweren’twearing.Maggiehadbeenlosingweightforoverayear,shewasdowntoahundredpounds,anotherthingher

therapistwarnedheragainst.Clairewastheonlyonewhodidn’tpesterheroverthewholeissue.Maggiewasasinglemomwithasecret,andthatmadeforstress,andstresscausedhertoskipmeals,whichledtoweightloss.

Shereluctantlyagreed,hopingtostayinthesamemoodaslastnight.Andshewouldnot,shelookedintherearviewmirror,underany

circumstance,tellClaireaboutBen.She’dneverheartheendofit.

ShepulledintotheonlyspaceattheGreenCaféandbrushedpasttwogentlemenwhoheldthedooropen.Thankyoushewaved,happytowarmupinsidethebuilding.Mostofthecrowdgottheirmorninglatteandranbackoutthedoor,sheandClaireweretheluckyones,theywereabletositandchat.

“What’swithyou?”Claireburrowedhereyes

intoMaggie.“What?”Maggieunwoundherscarfandtriedtoholdhackhersmile.“Yeah,see,youaresmiling?”Whyareyousmiling?”“Becauseit’salmostChristmas,that’swhy.”

Clairewriggledherfingerintheair.“I’montoyou.Something’sup.”“Seriously,wedroveup

toatreefarmandgotthismonstersizepine.Eli’shappy,soI’mhappy.”

“HaveyoustartedChristmasshoppingyet?”

“Can’tsaythatIhave,”sheansweredguiltily.

“Butyouhaveideasright?”Claireatehermuffinandwipedherfingers.“DokidsstillwritetoSanta?”

“Ofcoursetheydo.Whatfunwouldthatbetosendinanemail?”

“Well,takealookathislist,picksomethingfromthere.”

“YouaresneakyClaireBarker.”

Thegirlsweresmiling,asadarkfigurecaughtMaggie’seye.Shesawthesamehoodedfigurepassbythecoffeeshop.Shefroze.

Clairedroppedhermuffin.“What’swrong?”

Sheswallowedhard,andlookedatherfriend,then

backtothewindow.“IthoughtIsawJack.”“BrushitoffMaggie.”Sheshookherhead,herheartwasracing.“Maggie,look,it’sjustyourhypervigilance.Witheverythingyou’vebeenthrough,youaregoingtohavedayswhenthissneaksuponyou.”“Iknow.”

“Therearealotofcreepsoutthere.Itstillscaresmetothinkthatthiscouldhappenagain.”Maggiereachedforherhand.Shewaswellawarethathermindcouldbeplayingtricksonher.DoctorGibbonshadexplainedthistohernumeroustimes,particularlywhenshequestionedherself.Jack’spsychosishadwornoffonher.Shewasnottheonewith

amentalillness.WhatwashappeninghadtodowithshiftsinherthinkingasJack’sthoughtsstoppedbeingherown.ItwasJackwhotrainedhertofear,toseethingsthatwerenotthere,whoinstilledterrorandtheopportunityforhorror.

Dr.GibbonssaiditwouldtakeyearsforMaggietothinklikearegularperson,notthatsheknewwhatthatwas.Sheremovedhercoat,as

herbodyheatrose.Shesatbackinherchairandrubbedherhandsoverhertiredeyes.

“Areyouallright?”Sheexhaledand

flattenedherpalmsonthetable.

“Maggie,you’rerelapsing.Breathehoney.”

“He’snotdead.Jack’snotdead.”

Clairetwistedinherchair.“Whatdoyoumeanhe’snotdead?”

Sheswallowedhard,“Imean,Iledyoutobelievethathewas,butIdidn’tkillhim.Ionlypretendhewas,butit’snottrue,thoughIwishitwas.”

Maggie’sjawdroppedopened.“OhmyGodMaggie,doyouthinkhefoundyou?”

Sheexhaledagain.“Idon’tknow.Ithoughtitwasmyimagination,anditcouldbe.”Hermindracedto

incidentofValabeingsickandherstaringoutovertheridgeyesterday.

“Maybethat’swhatyournightmaresareabout.Maybefateistryingtowarnyou.”

Maggiestraightenedup.“It’snotfate.It’sGod.”Sheletthatsettleinsideher.“WhatdoIdo?”

“Youcallthatlawyer,andthenyougotothecops.”

“Ihavearestrainingorderbackathome,butI

needthestateofColoradotoupholdthat.”

“Maggie,thatpieceofpaperisnotgoingtosaveyourlife.Youneedtocallthatlawyer.YouneedaNationalProtectiveOrder.”

ShereachedforherphoneandremindedherselfthatValawasherprotection.Aslongasthedogstayedwithher,Jackcouldn’ttouchher.

MaggieparkedoutsidetheDenverlawbuilding.Wearingtheonlyfeminineblousesheowned,shebuttoneduphercoatandstrodeintotheexpansivelobby.Thesecurityguardwavedherthroughandshetooktheelevatortothefourteenthfloor.Shecalledonawhimandspokewiththe

secretary.Collinwasnotedastheareasonlyreputableattorneywithabackgroundincriminallaw.Thesecretaryseatedherintheexpansive,ornatewaitingarea.Shewatchedasafewparalegalsorassistantsbuzzedabout.ThenthedooropenedandCollincameouttogreether.

Shewalkedpastafewdoorsandfinallyintotheconferenceroom.Maggietuckedinherskirtbefore

sittingdown.“Ms.Burke,howareyou?”“Notwell,otherwiseIwouldn’tbehere.”

“Iunderstand.”Maggielookedaround

theroom.Shecouldtellfromtheoversizedchairsandwallofwindowsthatthefirmwasdoingwell.Collinflippedopenapadofpaperandbegantowrite.“Canyoutellmewhyyouareseekinganinjunctionagainstyour

husband?”Maggieunderstoodthat

thesecretarywasprobablyillinformedonthereasonforhervisit.Sheremovedthepaperworkfromherhandbagandstatedthatshealreadyhadaprotectiveorderfromherhomestate,butshewantedtoensurehersafetyhereinColorado.

Shehandedhimthepapersandsatback,notsurehowhewouldreacttoher

ordeal.Somanyotherpeoplejuststared;itwasbeginningtomakeherfeelostracized.

Shefoldedherlegsandbreathedindeeplywhilehethumbedthroughthedocuments.“You’vecertainlybeenthroughtheringer.”

Shesmiledcurtly.“Wedon’tseemanyof

thesedocumentsMaggie.AndI’mverysorrythatyouevenneedone.”Hedroppedthepaperworkandtippedhis

chairback.“Itsayshereyourex-husbandwillsoonbereleasedfromjail.”

“IwastoldIwouldbenotifiedpriortohisrelease.Ihaven’tcalledtheattorneywhowashandlingthisbackathome.”

Helookedherintheeye.“Doyouwantmetohandlethisforyouorareyoujustherefortheconsultation?”

“IassureyouItakethisveryseriously.Ihavealittle

boyathomethatIwanttoprotect.Idon’twanttobecaughtinasituationwhereifhecomesafterme,Iamleftunprotectedbythelaw.”

“Underthesecircumstances,Ifeelthejudgewillupholdtheprotectiveorderorissueano-contactorder.Thelastthingthestatewantsisalawsuitontheirhands.Oncewegetit,thelocallawenforcementwillbenotifiedandtheycan

helpyoushouldheheadthisdirection.”

Maggiesatback.Shehadalreadybeentothelocalpolicestationandshowedthemherdocuments.Whatshewantednowwastoliveinpeaceasifthingscouldn’thappen.

“Wewillpreparefortheworst.Don’tyouworry.”

CHAPTER8

Maggiefeltlikethewingsofhopehadlatchedontoherbackandgivenherflight.Everythingwasgoingtobealright.Shecouldbreathenowandenjoytheholiday.Klaushadbeenkindenoughtolethertakethedayoffsothatwasahugehelp,andshe

wasalsothankfulthattheschoolhadroomintheiraftercareprogramtowatchEliwhileshedrovebackfromDenver.Theofficevisitwasalsofree,partoftheconsultationnetwork.Sofar,theGodhadbeenonherside.

Klauswouldpayherfortheextrahourssheputin,soshestoppedbytheofficeafterdroppingElioff.Itwasalotofextradrivingbutitwasworthit.Pullingthrough

McDonald’sshepickeduptwohotchocolatesonherwaytotheschool,hopingEliwouldn’tbetooupsetshepickedhimuplate.Littlekidshatebeinglast.

Maggieparkedthecarandheadedinside.Thewindwasblastingfullforce.Onceshesignedhimoutofaftercare,hislittlehandsweresobusyplayinghedidn’twanttogohome.“Dowehavetogo?”hewhined.

“Yes,it’stimefordinner.”

“Butmom.”Maggieluredhimoutby

promisingtopickupthepineconesoncetheygothome.Shestucktoherpromise.

Elilefthisbookbaginthecarandraninsideforaboxtocollectthepinecones.Theweatherwasn’tgettinganywarmerandwiththeextraworkMaggiehadpiling

upinhercar,thiswasthebestwaytospendtimewithEliandgethisassignmentdone.

SheclippedonVala’sleashandheadedouttotheyard,“ComeonEli.Thesunisgoingdown.”

Maggie’sstreetwasnotyourtypicalresidentialneighborhood.ThereweresubdivisionsinColorado,butherswasmoresecludedandadirtroadthatleduptosome

largerhomesthatoverlookedthemainroute.Theboundarybetweenpropertieswasoftenunmarkedbutunderstood,youdidn’ttrespassonyourneighborslawn,notinthehillcountrywhereeverybodycarriesarifle.

Thefarthertheydriftedfromthehouse,themoreloomingMaggiefelt.WhatifherdreamwasaboutEli.Washetheonebeingshotat?

Shedeterredherfearsto

Vala.Shewouldknowifanyonewasoutside,she’dhearthembeforeMaggiecouldeverseethethreat.

“Notmuchfartherhoney.”

Elikeptchargingfullsteamahead.Shelovedhisfervorbutitwasgettingcold.Thewetgroundwasalsoprovingtobeslick.MaggiekeptaloosereignonValaandwatchedherfooting

“Eli,that’senough.We

needtowalkback.”“Alittlemoremom.”Hewasnolonger

pickinguppinecones.Shelookeddownthehillsidetothebackofsomeone’sproperty.Therewasamanpullingintothedriveway.ItlookedlikeBen’struck,butshecouldn’tmakeitout.

Aminutelaterthebackdooropenedandoutcamethreedogs.

Valastoodatalertand

MaggietoldElitostop.“There’sBenmom.”Inhislittlevoicehe

calledfromthehill.“UphereMr.Ben.”

Maggiethoughtaboutit.Withthewaytheroadturneditcouldbehisaunt’shome.Thatmadeherfeelevensafer.Sofar,everythingwasgoingsmoothly.

Benstayedfordinner.

Betteryet,hefoundher

apron,pouredheraglassofwineandkickedheroutofthekitchenwhileheandElimademeatballs.

Perchedonthecouch,shelovedtheideaofdatingBenbutherheartwasn’tsosure.BenwasperfectwithEliandEliadoredBen.Hewantedtogoeverywherewithhim.Benthis,Benthat.Shehopedshewasn’tsettinghimupforheartbreak.Maggiesatwithherlegs

crossedflippingthroughhermagazine.“Ben,areyouafanofthebeach?”“YesIam,”hereplied,asheturnedontheoven.

Hedugsomerollsoutofthefreezerandpreparedtomakesubsandwiches.Eliwasemptyingtherefrigeratorashegatheredthenecessarysaladitems.“Lettuce,tomatoes,onions,carrots,cucumbers.”HepushedthemuponthecounterasBen

finisheduprollingthemeatintotennisballsizemonstersandslidthetrayintheoven.Elihadfinishedhisjobandwashedup.

“Heybuddy,whydon’tyougoplaywithyourmom,whilethesecook.”

Hescurriedovertohischesssetandarrangedthepieces.“Willwehavetimetoplay,mom?”

“Yesmylove.Wecertainlydo.”

Dinnerwasfilledwithlaughter.Itwassogreattohavecompany.Thetablewasbigenoughforsix,soeatingwithjusttwomadeitseemincomplete.Ithadbeenawhilesincethefamiliarsoundofherson’slaughterfilledthehouse.Shecouldchasehimandplaybutwithonlytwopeoplethegamewasn’tasmuchfun.ElitookBen’shandandsnuckoffthroughtheroom.

Maggiekepthereyesshut.Theblazefromthefirewastheonlylightinthehouse.WhenMaggiesoundedoff,“twenty,hereIcome.”Herstomachfluttered.

Shetrailedofftotheclosetandagaintothebedrooms.Shepatteddownthebedandreachunder.Theonlyroomleftwasthebathroom.Shesweptherarmthroughthetub,nevercheckinglow.Thensheheard

thatsqueakygiggle,andEliwasfound.

“Awmom,Idon’twanttohide.”

“ComeoutandhelpmefindBen.”

“Ohyouwon’tfindhimmom.He’stoobigtofitanywherebutbehindthedoor.”

Maggiebitherlip.Hiscutenesswastooextreme.Shewalkedbackintothekitchen.Benwasstealthyshe

hadtogivehimcredit.Elistartedtosquirm;she

couldtellshewasgettingclose.WhenMaggieturnedaroundtoshushhim,Bensteppedoutandtickledher.“Again,”Elicried.“Let’splayagain.”

“Okay,butyou’reit.”Theboyranoffcounting

asheroundedthecorner.“Whereshouldwehide?”

Maggiebentdownbesidethecouch,ifshe

tuckedherheaddownshewouldfit.Benwentandstoodbythefireplace,movingtheoldfashionedcoatrackinfrontofhim.Eli’sfeetpatteredacrossthefloor,“ReadyornothereIcome,”hehollered.Hiseyesadjustedtothelightandhelookedaround.“Iknowyouareoutherebecausenoonecamebymydoor.”Hespunaroundthecouchandtaggedme.

“You’reitagainmom!”And,beforeIknewithe

pushedthecoatrackoutofthewayandsquealedtofindBen.Ican’trememberhowlongithadbeensinceIfeltsorelaxedandhappy.Ijustdidn’twantthenighttoend.But,likeallgoodthings,itdid.

BensaidgoodnighttoEliandlethimselfout.

Eli’steacher,Mrs.Thompson,calledonFriday.Maggiespokebrieflywithhersinceshecalledwhileabuyerwasintheoffice.SheagreedtomeetwithherafterdismissalandreturnedherfocustothebreederfromCanadalookingforadogforaclient.

Mrs.Thompsongreetedheratthedoor.“Thankyouforcoming.”

Maggieremovedher

coat,hopingEliwasokay.Theteachersoundedalittlecrossonthephonesoshepresumedthetykewasintrouble.Thequestionwas,howmuchtrouble?

Mrs.Thompsonsatatherdeskandpointedtothechairbythewallasacomfortableplacetosit.“Ididn’twanttoalarmyoubutElihasbeenabitobsessedthisweek,especiallyinhisdrawings.”Sheunfoldeda

pieceofpaperwithatallman,wearingwingsstandingnexttoatree.Maggielookedagain,brushingherbangsbackfromherface.“Ohmy.”

“Doyouknowwhothisis?”

Maggiebroughtthedrawingcloser.“Yes,Ithinkthisismyneighbor’snephew,Ben.He’sbeenspendingsometimewithEli.”

“Wellyoursonseemstothinkheissomesortofmagic

superhero.He’sbeentellingthewholeclassthatasuperherocametohishousefordinnerbuthadtogobecausethereweremorepeopletohelp.”

Shefoldedherarms.“WhatexactlyisyourconcernMrs.Thompson?”

She’dbeenthroughthisbefore.Eliwasnotliketheotherkids.Hewaswithdrawnbutextremelyactive.Hebondedwiththeboysbut

wantedtobetheirleader,andifhecouldn’tconvincethekidstodothingshisway,hewouldrefusetojoinintheiractivity.

Maggiewasfinesofar,untilMrs.Thompsonnextstatement.“Ihopeeverythingisfineathome.”

“Everythingisgoinggreat.”

“Areyousureaboutthat?’

Maggieretracted.“Mrs.

Thompson,Ifailtoseehowaninnocentdrawing,that,mightIaddhasnoknivesorgunsinthepicture,wouldmakeyouthinkthatEliisunderstress.”

Theteacherdidnotagree.“Idon’twanttoseeEligetabrokenheart.Itwillaffecthisgradesandhisabilitytopayattention.”

“Hisgrades!’Maggie’svoicebegantoriseasshefelttheheatfillhercheeks.This

waskindergarten.Andyes,thereweresomedayswhenEliwasprobablystressedbecausehismotherwashavingnightmares,andElimostcertainly,wasnotliketheotherkids.He’dbeenraisedinavolatilehome.Howwashesupposedtoact?shethoughtbutdidn’tsay.

Itwasallshecouldsaybeforeshelostcontrol.Thesepeopledidnotunderstand.Notoneofthem.Hadn’tthey

readhisfile?Didn’ttheyknowanything?What’salittleboywithnofathersupposedtothinkanddraw?

“Ithinkyourexpertisestopsattheendoftheschoolday.Nowifmysonhurtssomebodyordirectsanyangeronhimself,youcancallme.Butnotuntilthen.”

Shestormedoutoftheroom.

Elistayedquietasshespedupthemountain.She

wassurehecouldtellfromhererraticdrivingthatshewasupset.Kidswereinsightful.Witheverythinggoingonintheworld,whatwouldmaketheschoolquestionEli’sbehaviorbasedonadrawing?It’snotlikehewascarryingaweapon,whichhisdadwouldhaveencouraged.

Herthoughtsdriftedbacktothenightsheheardaclusterofwhisperscoming

fromhisbedroom.Shesteppedintotheroom,itwasdark.SheknewEliwasawakesheheardhimspeaking.Butnowitwassilent.

“Eli,whoareyoutalkingtoo?”

“Noonemommy.”Herpaniclevelrose.

Jackhadoftenseenthingsthatweren’tthere.“Eli,issomeoneelseintheroomrightnow?”

Hedidnotrespond.Sheprodded,“Honey,answermommy.”

“Nomommy.”“Eli,areyoufighting

somethingevilinyourmind?”“Iwastellingsomethingeviltogoaway.Ididn’twantittohurtyou.”

Shegulped.Whatwasthesomethingevil?Shedidn’tallowhimtowatchgrownupTVandallthe

cartoonhewatchedhadtobelowviolenceandnotscary.They’dbeenoverthisbefore.

“Areyoualrightmommy?”

“Yeshoney,Iamfine.”Thenherolledoverand

wenttosleep,tellingherthathelovedher.

CHAPTER9

ThehousewascoldwhenMaggieandElireturnedhomefromschool.“Eli,gocheckthedoorinyourroomandmomma’swindow.Seeiftheyareopen.”

Shedidn’tworryabouttheirbeinganintrusion,Vala

wouldhavealertedhertothat.Onherwaybacktowardthelivingroom,Maggienoticedthemicrowaveclockblinking.“Hadtheylostpower?”

Sherubbedherarmsandcheckedthethermostat.Itwassetat70°butitread59.

Elireportedthatbothwereclosedandlocked.“Stayinside,I’mgoingtoletthedogoutandgetsomefirewood.”

“Yesma’am.”Hewasascompliantasever.Shemadeamentalnotetotellhimshewasproud.Hedidn’tseemtomindthecold.Afirewouldheatthingsupquickly,sosheleashedValaandheadedouttothewoodpilenearthegarage.

Thepalatewasempty.Thatwasimpossible.Shemadeafirelastnightandthewoodwasthere.“Thieves!”

Maggiecalledthree

wooddeliveryservices.Eachonewasbusierthanthenextandshecouldn’taffordtopayapremium,notwiththeupcominglawyerfees,andChristmas.Ofcoursetherewerecheaperlessdependablemethods,likesignsbydriveways,oronlinelistingsbutshehadnowaytotransportthewood.Asalastresort,shecouldcallsomeneighborstoseeifanyofthemhadseenanyone

suspiciousaroundorevenhadtheirwoodpilestolen.Maybesomeonehadalreadyreportedit.

Herfirstcallwastotheelderlycouplenextdoor,noanswer.Shehadtheirnumberincaseofanemergencybutotherthanwatchingthemdecoratefortheholiday,shehadnotseenthem.Thentherewasthecoupledowntheway,withafuryofboys.They’dhavefirewood.

Wrong.Theywereoutoftownandkepttheirwoodsupplylockedupinthebackyard.

AfterhissnackEliranintoherbedroomandwiggledundertheblanketsuntilhegotcomfortable.“Baby,Ijustmadethebed.”

“CanwehaveMr.Benoverfordinner?Hewasrealnicetome.AndIdon’tknowalotofmen.”

MaggiebegantoseetheobsessionMrs.Thompsonpointedout,butitwasstillahealthything,towantamalerolemodel.“Wecaninvitehimhoney,butrightnowmommyisworriedaboutthefirewood.CanyoustayinmyroomwhileImakeafewmorecalls?”

“Yesmom,butpromisemeyouwillaskhim.”

“Iwill,butlet’snotgetourhopesup.”

Elilaidstill,“Mom,whydoyoualwaystellmethat?”hequestioned.

Shetuckedinhisblankets.“Tellyouwhat?”

“WhydoyousayIshouldn’tgethope?Youalwaystoldmetokeepmyhopesup.Nowyoutellmenottoo.”Shepattedhisgoldencurls.“Ijustdon’twantyoutogethurt,baby.That’sall.”

“Noone’sgonnahurtme

mom.IputonmymagicbootsandI’mgonnabestrongjustlikeMr.Ben.”

“Ibetyouwill.”“Aslongasyouaskhim

tocome,hewill.Iknowit.”Shebreathedindeeply.

“I’llaskhim,Ipromise.”Takingadeepbreathshetriednottosounddesperate.ShedialedtheVonEiffer’shomephone.WhenthephonerangshehopedBenwouldanswer.Thephonewentrightto

voicemail.“HiMrs.V,thisisMaggiefromupthehill.Iwaswonderingifyouhadanysparefirewood,mycompanycan’tmakeitupheretillTuesdayandIamout.Andthankyousomuch,forsendingyournephewup.Hewasatremendoushelp.Talkwithyousoon.”

AssheendedthecallhermindwanderedtoJack.Whatifhefoundher,whatifhewastheonewhotookher

wood?MaybehewasoutofjailandhecametoCascade.Maybeitwashimthatshesawintown?

Claire’svoicefollowedthatthought.ShetoldMaggieitwasnormaltoexperiencehyper-vigilance,itwasjustherbrain’swayofunderstandingwhathappened.Itmeantthatrandomthingswouldhappenandshewouldassignameaningtoitthatmadethe

mostsense.Buthertypeof“sense”alwaysputheronguard.

Valagrowledandmovedtothefrontdoor.Maggie’sheartraced.Shetookherphoneandbegandialing911.Elihoppedoutofbedandrantothedoor.“There’satruckmommy?Who’shere?’

Sheputherarmaroundtheboyandlookedoutside.

Theredtruckwasstackedwithwoodandtheliftgatewasdown.PuttingonhersweatershefollowedElioutside.

ThesunwasstillhidingbehindthecloudswhenBenHallappearedroundingthecornerfromherhouse.“Ben?Whatareyoudoinghere?”

Hesmiled,lumberingcloser,“Ourwoodpilegotswipedearlythismorning.Myauntsentmeuptocheck

onyouearlier,alreadysawthesamehadhappenedhere.”

“Howmuchwooddidyoubring?”

“About1/2arick.”Shewasflabbergasted.

“Wow,Idon’tknowwhattosay.”

“Peoplecanfreezeinthisweather,yougottohaveheat,”hesaidwarmly.Maggiefeltherfaceflush.

Maggiehadnotforgottenaboutherthermostat.“My

heat’souttoo.Thisisreallyagodsend.”

Bendroppedtheloadofwood.“Whatdoyoumeanyourheatisout?”

Heremovedhisglovesandpointedtothehouse.

“HowaboutyouopenthedoorandIbringthisloadinside.”

“That’dbegreat.”Sheturneduptowardthehouse.

EliwasonhiswayoutwithValawhenhespotted

Ben.Hedroppedthedogleashandranover.“HiBen,canIhelp?”

“Surelittleman.”HehandedhimtwologsandEliwaddledalongsidehimbackintothehouse.

“Doyoufeelthat?”“Yeah,itfeelslikeadraft.”Benlookedaroundthehouse,“Ithinkti’scomingfromthebasement,”hesaid.Maggie’shousehada

smallfurnishedroomdownstairswhereshedidthelaundry.ShewalkedtothewindowwhileBeninvestigated.Theclosershegottothewindow,themorethehairraiseduponthebackofherneck.Therewerefootprintstrudgingthroughherbackyard.Itcamefromtheneighbor’syardandcrossedthroughheadingbackintothewoods.Thatwasstrange.

“Eli,comeherebaby,”shecallednervously.Theboyranintothekitchenandstayedbyhismom.“It’scoldinmyroom.”“Iknow.Don’tworry,Ben’sgoingtofixit.”Afewminuteslater,whiletheanxietywasalreadyrisingupinsideher,shecomparedthefootprintsandtherealityofJackbeingloose,tothecoincidenceoflowgasorsomeother

homeowner’sdilemma.Asherheartraced,Benmadeitbackupthestairs.Hewarmedhisshouldersandtoldherthethermostatbroke.

Maggiesmiled.Shescaredherselffornothing.

BencalledarepaircompanyintheSpringsandhadatechcomeupbeforedinner.ThenhereturnedhisattentiontoEli.

Maggiewatchedfromthekitchenasshesortedher

mailandputawaythedishes.Thisisexactlywhatheneeded,malebonding.Togethertheywenttothefireplace.Benpiledupsomewoodbesidethemantle.“Eliputthosepiecesrighthere,”hesaidpointingtothemetalrack.“I’mgonnateachyoutherightwaytostackthisupforyourmom.”

“We’regoingtoplacethemoneachotherlikethis.”

“Okay.”

Hedidashewastold.“Nowwhat?”

Maggiewouldhavetakenapicturebutshedidn’twanttoshowanydesperationbydoingso,she’dhavetoresorttoamentalpictureinherhead.Click.

“Whereareyourmatches?”

Eliranintothekitchenandopenedthecabinet.Maggiewatchedhimbuzzby.Howdidheknowwhereshe

keptthematches?Shehadhiddenthemuponthefourthshelf,aplacesheneverimaginedhecouldreach.Hislittlemittspattedarounduntilhefeltthebox.AndjustlikethathesnatchedthemoffandtookthemtoBen.

TheybentdownclosetothefireandBenshowedElihowtostackthelogs.“Youhavetoleaveenoughroomintherefortheairtofantheflame.Firesneedair.”

“Gotit.”Elilaiddownwithhisstomachtothefloorandproppedhimselfupasifheweretakingalesson.Hecrossedhisanklesandswunghislegsbackandforth.“CanIlightitwhenitstime?”Hebegged.

“Thiswilldothetrick.”HelitthesticksandpaperwhilekeepingElibackatasafedistance.

Thefireimmediatelystartedtocrackleandtake

flame.Eliwasmesmerized.“Doyouwanttoplaychesswithme?”

“Sure,ifyouteachme.”“Alright,”Eliwenttoget

thegame.“Waitrighthere.I’mcomingrightback.”

Maggie’sheartmelted.Shehadn’tseenanyoneinteractwithElioutsideherfamily,foralongtime.Herlittlemanracedbackfromhisroomwiththechessboardinhandandaziplockbagof

theirplasticpieces.Heroundedthecornerandfloppeddowninfrontofthefire.“Let’splaydownhere.”

“Howaboutuponthetable?I’malittlebigtoplayonthefloor.”Eliturnedhisheadcontemplatingthesuggestions.“Okay,youaretheguestsoIwilldowhatyouwant.Butthenit’smyturn.”

Benlookedupat

Maggie,hiskindeyesmatchinghissmile.“HowdoItosetthisup?”

Threegameslater,Maggiehadfinishedmakingdinner.Shedecidedjusttocook,hopingthesavorysmellwouldpersuadeBentoacceptherinvitation.Withasetofdishesinhand,shespreadoutthetable.“Youareinvitedtostayfordinner.It’salmostready.”

“Ohcanhemom?”

BenreclinedonthecouchandhelpedEliputawaythepieces.“IguessIcanswingthat.”

“Eliwhydon’ttakeoffyouruniformandgetwashedupfordinnerbud.Okay?”Thesixyearoldboundedacrossthefloorinrecordtime.BenhoweverstayedseatedandcommentedontheChristmastree.“Youtwopickedaverynicetree.”

“YoucanthankElifor

that.Hegotmeoutofmycomfortzonebypickingthelargesttreetheyhad.”

BenturnedhisattentiontowardMaggie.“Sowhat’sallthistalkaboutyouhatingthemall?Idon’tthinkI’veeverheardafemalesaythat,”hesaidjokingly.Maggiecouldn’thelpseeingherselfinhisarms.

Shetookoutthedishesandsetthetablewhiletheytalked.“Idon’thatethemall.

It’sthecrowdthatgetstome.Allthatpushing,shoving,rudeness.I’mbetteroffgoinginandoutofindividualstores.”

“Youcan’tletfearstopyou.”

Maggielovedhisgrowninbeardandstrongmuscles,butshewasn’ttoosureshewantedsomebodytopickoutherfaults.

Benaskedtowashhishands.“Iunderstand.That’s

kindofwhyIamlivingwithmyauntrightnow.”

Shedidn’tknowthat.“You’relivingwithIngrid?”“Yeah,Ihavebeenforoverformonthsnow.”

“HowcomeI’veneverseenyou?”

Helaughed.“WellmyworkismainlyinDenver,sothecommutekeepsmebusy.”

“Whatisitthatyoudo?”“I’manengineer.We’reworkingonsomecommercial

projectsnearthehighway.”“Howaboutyou?”

Maggieconsideredheranswerbeforereplying.

“Idosomeofficeworkhereintown.ButIalsoplaceauthorswithpublishers,I’mabookagent.”

“Whatdoesabookagentdo?”

Shelaughedandstayedbusyinthekitchen.“Irepresentauthorswhoneedpublishing,soIpickand

choosewhichmanuscriptsIthinkwillsellormakegreatbooks.Whenthepublishersignstheauthor,Igetpaid.Iftheydon’t,thenIkeepatit.”

“Really?That’sinteresting.”

“It’sariskbutIloveit.”“Doyouwriteaswell?”“Youknow,”shecocked

herhip.“Everyoneasksmethat.Butno,Ihaven’t.”

“Toobad,I’msureyou’dbeagreatwriter.”

“Whydoeseveryonesaythat?”

Benshrugged.“Curiosity,I’dguess.”

Maggierealizedthatifshedidn’twatchit,hecouldeasilystartaskingaboutwhyshelivedoutherealoneandwhereshecamefrom.Whattypeofmothertraipseshersonacrossthecountryawayfromfamily?Wouldhesuspectshewasrunning?

Eliracedbackintothe

kitchen.“Icleanedmyroom.CanBencomeseeit?”

“Whydon’tyouaskhim?”

ShefinishedsettingthetablewhiletheboysplayedinEli’sroom.Thiswasgoingtobequiteanight.Shecouldfeelitintheair.

BenstayeduntilEli’sbedtime.Bythathour,hehadbeenattheirhouseforfourhours.That’salongtime.Butshewisheditwaseven

longer.Themanexcused

himselftomakeaphonecall,shepointedtothebackdeck,itwasquietouttherebutshecouldstillobservehim.Bodylanguageexplainsalot.Shewatchedonandoffwhilecleaningupthekitchen.

“Everythingallright?”“Yes.It’sallgood.”Shewantedtoknowwho

thecallwasfromandifitimpactedhimfromcoming

overagain.Hell,ifEliwasn’taroundshewouldhaveaskedhimtostayforaglassofwine.Wait,whatwasshethinking?Shebarelyknewthisman.ShetoldClaireimplicitly,shewasnotinterested.YetBenwasrighthereinherkitchenandtheattractionseemedmutual.

“Who’sgoingtoreadtome?”Eli’slittlevoiceinterruptedtheirkitchencleaning.Buttonedupinhis

mooseflannelpajamashestoodinhisbarefeetontheAlderfloorsandflashedabooktoBen.Heparadedintothelivingandsatbythefire.Hethenpattedthewoodinfrontofthefireplace.“ComeonBen.Nooneelseeverreadstome.”

BencaughtMaggie’seye.“Isitokay?”

“Bemyguest.Heobviouslywantsyoutodoit.”

Maggieleftthekitchena

messandretreatedtoherbedroom.Shehadn’tcheckedhermakeuporevenlookedinthemirrorsinceshegothome.Shemadethebed,removedherjournalandmagazines,andturnedonthelamp.ShethencheckedEli’sroom,whichactuallywasclean—normallyhisideaofacleanroomwasaspacetowalkfromtheclosettothedoorandbackoutagain.

Elirushedintohisroom

anddovebeneathhiscovers.SheknewhewasshowingoffforBen,alllittleboyslikedtoshowtheirspeed.“Howwasyourstory?”

Heshrugged,“Mr.Bendoesn’treadsogood.Andhishandsaresobighecoveredupsomeofthepictures.”

“Isee.”“Buthecanreadtome

againifhecomesover.”“Isheoutbythefire?”“Yep,hesaidhewas

waitingforyou.”Maggie’sheartfluttered.

Sheshutoffthelightandfinishedtheirroutine.Meanwhile,shereturnedtothekitchentofindBendoingthedishes.Thebubblywatercoveredhishandsashewhooshedthespongearoundtheplatesandstackedthemonthedryrack.Sheleanedagainstthestuccowall.“We’vegotadishwasheryouknow.”

Hesmiled.“Ididn’tthinkitwasappropriatetosnooparoundthekitchenforthedetergent.Butnooneintheirrightmindturnsdowncleandishes.”Hedunkedanotherplateintothewater.

“Wouldyoulikesomefreshcoffee?Orwine?”

Helookedathiswatch.“Um,sure,aslongasI’mnotkeepingyouup.”

“I’dlikethecompany.”Whenthekitchenwas

clean,MaggiesatatthetablewhichprovidedtherightbarrierforherandthesehormoneswhichseemedtoflareupnowthatsheandBenwerealone.

“Howaboutyou,what’syourreasonforbeinghere?”

“Well,Iwaslivingwithsomeone,andshehadkids.Thingsweren’tperfectbutImovedoutthispastsummer,andtoensureIdidn’tgoback,Imovedbackherewith

myaunt.Igrewuphere.”Maggiefeltnervous.“I

didn’trealizethat.”“Yeah,myparentstravel

alot,mysisterhasfourboysandherhusbandisnotmyfavoriteperson,somyauntwastheonlyfamilywithaspareroom.”

“Isee.”“Listen,nottochange

thesubjectonyou,I’manopenbookhonest,butwhatwouldyousaytobringingEli

uptothemallthisweekend?”Maggiefelttorn.

“You’renothangingoutwithElibecauseyoumissyourexgirlfriendandherkids,areyou?”

“No,shehadanolderson,he’sincollegenow,andtwodaughters.”

Shequietlysippedhercoffeeandkeptlistening.“I’dliketospendmoretimewithyou,andIfiguredthatEliwasjustpartoftheequation.”

Maggie’sheartflipped.Howcouldsheresist?Itwasn’tadate,butanopportunityandElineededtogettoSantatotellhimaboutthemagicboots.

CHAPTER10

Sleepcameeasythatnight.AneveningwithBenhadputheratease.Themoreshestudiedhim,themoresherealizedthismancouldpotentiallystealherheart.Shetriednottolethermindwander,whichwasgood

advice,especiallysinceshejusttoldElinottogethishopesup.ButBen’spresenceinherhome,feltright.IthadneverfeltthatwaywithJack.

Hisnerves,hisanger,hisharshopinions,theparanoia,thecontrol,thedrinking;Itwasnotahome.Itwaslikelivinginacult,withrestraintsoneverythingshedid,thought,spentorsaid.Hertherapistofcourse,waskindenoughtopointoutthatshe

hadmarriedamanwholivedandbreathedviolence—hisperversewaysweresomethingshewasnowaccustomedto.Ittaintedherabilitytobeobjectiveandthinkrationally.

Maggiehadn’twantedtotalkaboutwhatJackhaddone.Sayingitoutloudalwaysbroughtonthetears.Itsoundedmuchbetterwhenitwaslockedupinhermind,inherownhead.Butonceshe

saiditoutloudandsawastranger’sreactiontohisbehavior,wellthenthedangerbecamereal.

Dr.Gibbonsgainedhertrust.SheprobedMaggietoexamineherreasonforstayinginthemarriage.“Idon’tknow,Ihadmanyreasons,”wasMaggie’sstandardresponse.

But,Dr.Gibbonswaspersistent,“LikewhatMaggie?”

Maggieknewtheanswers.“Hopethatthingswouldchange,tryingtobeunderstandingandmakingsureElihadarelationshipwithhisfather,fearofleaving,andeventuallyfearofstaying.”

“Thoseareallcommon,amongwomeninyoursituation.ButMaggielet’sgodeeper;isthereareasonyouaredrawntomenwhohavethecapabilityandprobability

ofhurtingyou?”Herthoughtsdriftedto

eachboyfriendshehad.Threeoutoffourwereviolent.Theonlyniceonedied,longbeforeshemetJack.

“Whowasyourfirstloveinterest,canwestartthere?”

“Iguessitwasmyneighbor.”

“Someoneyougrewupwith?”

“Yes,forawhile,anyway.”

“Whatcanyoutellmeabouthim?”“HemovedawaywhenIwasten.IranintohimwhenIwasseventeen,wesortofpickedupwhereweleftoff.““Whatwentwrong?”“Hewasunusualtosay

theleast,hisconversationsweredark.Hehadahightoleranceforpain,usedenormousamountsofdrugs,suppliedthemtodealersandhadawayofputtinghis

handsonme,togetwhathewanted.”

“SoisitsafetosaythatJackwasnotyourfirstrelationshipthathadabusivetendencies?”

Hermemoryconceded,“yes.”

“Andwhatwasthefirst?”

Herhandslandedinherlap.“I’msureit’snotthefirstbutmyhighschoolboyfriendpulledamacheteonme.”

“Soaknife?”Dr.Gibbonsinquired.

“Yes,hehadmepinneddownonawaterbed.”“Wereyouscared?”Maggieshiftedinher

seat.“Idon’tknow.Notreally.ImeanIknewtheknifecouldslipandhewouldcutme.ButIdidn’tthinkhewastryingtohurtme.”“Wastheknifetouchingyou?”

Maggiefeltexposed.“I

thinkso,butIdon’tremember.”

“Andwhydidyouallowthattohappen,Maggie?”

Sheblinked,“Ididn’taskhimtodoit.Idon’tknow.”

“Trytothinkofsomethingaboutthatevent.Doyourememberwhatyouwerethinking?”

“IknowIfeltconfused.Ididn’tknowwhyhewoulddosuchathing.Theslightest

moveofthewaterbedandhecouldcutmythroat.”

“Youdon’tseemangryaboutthat.Whydoyouthinkthatis?”

Maggieknewthatanswer.“BecauseIwasn’tscared.Iknewhewouldn’tdoit.Hewasjustplayingaround.”

“Howdoyouknowthat?”

“Becauseitwasjustobvious.Iwashisgirlfriend.

Whywouldhewanttohurtme?”

“Whatdidyoudowhenhepulledthatlongknifetoyou?Doyourememberthat?”

Thememorywasthere,clearasday.“Irememberlookingouthiswindow,tryingtobebrave.”

“Whatdidyoudoafterthat?”

“IthinkIplayedtough.”“Soyoustayedinthe

relationship?”“Yes,”“Whydidyoudothat?”

“Becausehewasimportanttome.”

“Andyoursafetywasn’t?”

“Well,obviouslynot.IknowIwantedhim,andIdidn’twanttheothergirlstohavehim.”

“Whatwasitabouthimthatyouliked?”

Maggiesmiled.“Hewas

verypopularandextremelygoodlooking.Ifeltimportantbecausehewasmine.”

“Soisitsafetosayyouweredrivenbyyourfearsratherthanyourdesiretofeelsafeandaccepted.”

Herstomachtwisted.Dr.Gibbonsmadeherfeelvulnerable,anditwasnotacomfortablefeeling.

“Maggie,whatisyourunderstandingofwhatwejustcovered?”

Shewonderedwhythedoctorkeptsayinghername.Wasshespacingout?Theyhadtalkedaboutthat.Maggieblinkedhard,tryingtoregainfocus.“Icanseeyourpoint;Jackwasnotmyfirstdancewithdanger.”

“That’sgood.Butremembersomething;wearenotheretouncoverthewhy’sbutyourfeelings.Whenyoudiscoverhowyoufeltduringtheselifeordeathsituations

thenyouwilltakeabigsteptowardhealing.”

“Buthowarethoseburiedfeelingsconnectedtohealing?Idon’twanttorelievewhatIcamethrough.Therehastobeabetterway.”

“Maggie,”sheleanedforward.“Youranxietylevelandtoleranceforstressisskyhigh.Yourthresholdfordealingwithallofthishaskeptyouonguard.Youareverydisconnectedfromyour

feelings,it’spartofthesurvivalmode.Ifearyou’vebeeninsurvivalmodesolong,thatyouhavelostyourabilitytooperateinanyothercapacity.”

Herchestexpandedasshelistenedtowhatthedoctorsaid.“AreyousayingthatIwillneverbenormal?”

“WhatIamsayingisthatyoudon’trecognizenormal.It’saforeignmatter.”

Shelookedherinthe

eye.“Andbyidentifyingmyfeelings,orunburyingthem,thenIwillbenormal?”

“Inasense,yes.ByfeelingyourfeelingsyougetintouchwithMaggie,notthesurvivalmodewhichyou’vebeeninthesepastfewyears.Whenyouuncoveryourfeelings,thefutureisyours.Youwon’thavetoworryaboutrepeatingthispattern.Youwillhealandrecognizeunhealthypeople.”

Shequestionedheragain,“IfI’msupposedtobehealing,whyamIhavingnightmares?”

“BecauseMaggie,yourfeelingsarethenightmare.”

Valasatup,readytogooutside.Maggietiedherrobearoundherwaistandtookthe

dogoutside.Themorningairhadabitetoit,butthesunwaspeekingoverthetopofthemountain.Whatmorecouldsheaskfor?Thedogsniffedtheairandwalkedtotheedgeofthedrivewaywhereshepeedinonespot.Shewasdifferentfromotherdogs.Whenmostofthemcamebywiththeirowners,Valawouldstayupontheporch,leashornoleash.Shewasagoodprotector.

Thewordbroughtupastrongassociation.Jackhaduseditpreviouslywhenhestartedbuildingaplantoprotecthishomefromintruders.PeopleinCascadehadfirearms,someofthemhunginthebackoftheirtruckupagainsttheback.Therewasalotofhuntinginthesepartsandhuntingaccidentswerecommon.Sometimesthesightofagunevokedstrongmemoriesof

Jackandhisobsessionwithwantingguns.Buthisobsessionwentwaypassedextreme.Jackhadacollectionofthrowingknives,spearsforsparing,steelswords,woodenbowken’s,anythingthatcouldhurtanintruder.

Atfirstsheforbidhimtohavethem,andevengotherparentsonherside.Whatifthebabyfounditwhenhegotolder?ButheconvincedherthathewouldshowElihow

tousetheweapons.Whenthegundiscussioncameup,shewasmortified.Whatifsomeonefoundit,whatifheuseditinappropriatelyduringoneofhistrances?Maggierealizedshedidn’twantJackhavingmorecontrol.Sheknewthatbringingagunintothehousemeantthatshewastotallypowerless.

Thegirlsatthebatteredwomen’ssheltertaughtherthatstrengthliedintheability

tospeakandbeunderstood.Whenyourvoiceisheardandyouropinionmatterstoanotherandproperboundariesaregiven,thenyouareempowered.Shelearnedthedefinitionofahealthyrelationshipwhichmirroredmutualrespect.HerrelationshipwithJackneverfitthatdescription.

ValatuggedgentlyontheleashwhichbrokeMaggie’strainofthought.

Maggiefollowedhertothebackyard.Therewasapileoftrashheapeduponherpropertyline,backbythenationalforest.“That’sodd,”Shesaidtoherselfasshebentoverandcrushedupthelooseadvertisements.“Whowouldleavetrashbackhere?”

WhenMaggiewalkedinside,sheheardthefaintbeepofhercellphonealertinghertoanincomingmessage.AttorneyCollins

hademailedher.BringingherrestrainingordertoColoradowouldcostabout$4400,moneywellspent.Shehadalreadyfiledanddidthehardpart,nowitwasinstillingtheorderandconvincingthepolicethiswasnotanotherdomesticissuethatwouldworkitselfout.

Maggieagreedtothefeesandconfirmedaretainer.Thiswashowsheprotectedherself,legally.

EspeciallyforEli’ssake.

CHAPTER11Eliwasalreadydressed

whenMaggiegotoutoftheshower.TypicallySunday’swerethedayhelaidaroundinhispajamasandrefusedtocombhishair.Buttoday,hewasgoingtoseeSanta.HewaseagerforBentopickthemup.Maggiewasjustasthrilled.Asidefromgetting

thetreeandtryingherhandatworkingwiththedogs,thiswasthehighlightofhermonth.ZippingupherfavoritepairofbootsshesecuredherTiffanybracelet,hermotherboughtherasabirthdaypresent,andloopedherearringsin.Fortheremainingfifteenminutes,Maggiecheckedherhair,glossedherlipsinapalenudetoneandpackedabagofsnacks.ShelikedElitoeat

healthybeforetheMallfoodcourtbeckonedhisattention.

Benarrivedafewminutesearly.Maggiedidherbesttowait,thegaragewasshutandshegaveValathecommandthatsomeonewasenteringthehome.Thedoorbellranglikealoudgong,andEliyankedthedooropen.“Wellhellothere.AreyoureadytogomeetSanta?”

HegrabbedBen’shandandpulledhimbacktoward

thetruck,“Iam.Comeon.”Benlaughed,“Wait

buddy,whataboutyourmom?”ElimayhavehadhishandbutMaggieheldhisattention.

Theridewaswonderful.EliplayedandjokedwithBenforhalfoftherideandwhenitwastimeforacoffeestop,heconvincedBentobuyhimacookie.Abouttenminutesaftertheyreachedthefreeway,Elifellasleep.The

conversationhadbeenGratedtothatpoint,butshehopedformore.Shehadquestionsbutdidn’twanttoBentofeelinterrogated.“Doyoumindsomemusic?”Heasked.“Notatall.What’syourforte?”“Holidaymusicwouldbegreat.Especiallytheoldsongs.”

Maggieagreed.ShemissedthedaysofChristmas

carolingandeggnog.Nowadaysallthestationsplayedwerethesameoldmundanemusic.Maggielovedtosingcarolswhenshewasgrowingup.Theyalwaysdidwhenshewasyounger.Heraunthadasetofbookstheytookwiththemastheywanderedaroundthetownsingingtothosewhowouldlisten.

Peopleweremoreguardednow,andcertainly

gotoffended.SheturnedtoBenand

asked,“HowdidyourfamilyspendChristmas?”

“Well,itwasinteresting,Iwillsaythat.Ihaveabigfamily.”

Bendrovewithonehandonthewheel.

“Howbig?”Maggiehopedshewasn’tprying.Butfamilyisabigpartofyourlife.Ben’sanswerswouldtellheralotabouthim.

“Big.Ihavefourbrothersandsisters,Iamtheyoungest.BythetimeIwasoldenoughtoenjoyChristmas,theyhadboyfriendsandgirlfriends,whojoinedus.Mydadhadhistwobrothersandthentherewasmymom’sparentsandsomeneighbors.”

Maggieadmiredthenostalgiaofthemoment.Benseemedcaughtupinthememory.“Allthesepeople,

musthavebeennearthirtypeople,allsandwichedinourlittlehome.”

“Soundsnice.”“Howaboutyou?”SheglancedbackatEli.

“It’sjustus.Mydaddiedandmomisbackeast.”Shekeptitsimplefornow,mentioninganythingelsemayruintheday.

“Wellyoupickedagreatstatetoraiseyourboyin.He’sgotyearsaheadofhim,

forfishin’,fourwheelin’,hunting,younameit.”

“Hockey,”shevoiced.“AndI’mhopingagainstthehuntingone.”

“It’sarealsportoutintheseparts.It’snotlikebackeastwherethedeerjustwalkthroughyouryard.”

Shestraightenedup,annoyedwiththeconversation.“Callitwhatyouwant,Idon’tlikeguns.”

Afewmoremileswent

byandthetensionseemedtofade.WhenafavoriteChristmascarolcameovertheradio,Maggieturneditup.“Doyoumind?”

“Singaway,”Benhailed.“Okay,butI’mnotvery

good.”Benwatchedasshe

unveiledhertruepersonality.Maggiethrewherheadbackandmovedherhandslikeaconductor.HerrenditionofInExelsisDeowasnotasbadas

sheremembered.Elibeganwrestlinginthebackseat.Shestoppeduntilheresumedapeacefulstate.That’swhenshenoticedhefellasleepwithisjuiceboxinhand.Maggieunbuckledherseatbeltandreachedbackbetweentheseats.

“Whatareyoudoing?”“I’mrescuinghisjuice

box.Hehasatendencytosqueezeitwhilehe’snapping.”

“Doyouwantmetopullover?”

“No,Igotit.”Sherubbedhistinywristuntilhishandopenedup.Heletgooftheboxandshetuckeditsafelyinthedoorconsole.

Shehuffedasshereacquaintedherselfwiththefrontseat.“Isurehopeyoudon’tdothatwhileyouaredriving?”

Sheshookherhead.“I’vegottenrathergoodat

it.”Aftercirclingthe

coveredparkingBenpulleduptoabusydepartmentstore.“Iwillmeetyouguysontheupperlevelbythecarousel.Soundgood?”

HedroveoffasElitookherhandandheadedinside.Thedoorspartedblowingwarmairontheirfaces.Themomenttheyenteredthestore,thelinesandmusicstirredupthenostalgia.Their

nosesdefrostedfromtheoutdoorchillandthecaféconnectedtothestoresmelledofgloriouscoffeeandtreats.

Eliwasluredtowardthedecorations.Hehadnotseensuchfanfareonthislargeofascale.Aroundeverycornerhereachedouttotoucheverysnowflakeandsled,moose,andbow.Itwasquitetheundertakingkeepinghimundercontrolastheywaited

forBen.Maggiebreezedthrough

arackasElieyedthetoysonanearbykiosk.Somethingaboutthealltheexcitementreallyraisedherspirits.

Benarrived,allblisteryandcutewithhisrosyredcheeks.HehandedMaggieherblackleatherpurse,Ithoughtyoumightwantthis.Sheblushedandswungitoverherarm.“Thankyou.”“Youguysreadytofind

somemagicboots?”Benteased.

“IwanttoseeSanta.”“Okay.Let’sgo.”Thetriomadetheirway

throughthemassestotheescalators.WithenchantingstaresMaggietookinthesights.Twelvefootornamentshungfromtheceiling,andawinterfairylandadornedtheground.TheentirelowerlevelofthemallwasconvertedintotheNorth

Pole.“Look,overthere,”Eli

squealedwhenhespottedSantaandthelonglinethatweavedacrossthecenterofthemall.EligrippedMaggie’sfingerashepulledherfastertowardsthelineofexcitedchildren.

BensteppedawaytomakeaphonecallandMaggieactuallymissedhim.Shelikedthefeelingofthe

threeofthempalingaroundatChristmas.JackhadneverlikedChristmas,noranyholidayforthatmatter.EvennowitwasstrangetothinkofhimasEli’sfather,notafterwhatshehaddiscovered.WhenEliwasbornJackhadthedesiretogovisithischildhoodhome.HehadnevertakenMaggieinsidethehouse.Thefewtimestheywerethere,Jackwouldwalkuptothedoorandpeek

inside.Hisfatherdiedyearsago,butJackneverspokeofwhathappened.Allsheknewwasthathewasestrangedfromhissisterandsomewhereinthemixhehadahalfsibling.That’swhatmadeherpityhim.

EliwasjustababywhenshetookhimtoseeSanta.Jackrefusedtocome,andwaitedoutsideintheparkinglot.Ittookanhourandhalftogetpictures,sowhenshe

returnedtotheplacetheyhadparked,thecarandJackweregone.Maggiephonedhimbutthecallwentrighttovoicemail.Tooembarrassedtocallherfriend,shetookacabridehomeandusedthemoneyshestowedawayinherjewelryboxtopaythebill.Jackwasbrooding.

Herwalkdownmemorylaneendedasthefamilyaheadofherinline,suddenlygotsickandmovedtothe

side.SheandEliwerenext.SheheldhislittlehandandaskedhimifheknewwhattoaskSanta.“I’mgoingtoaskhimforasuperherocapeandmaybeakitten,orapetlizard.”

Shesmiled,thoughthethoughtofthelizardwasnotaccommodating.“Wellmakeupyourmind,wearenext.”

ElihoppedontoSanta’slapandsmiledbigandproudwhileMaggiesnappedafew

ofherownpictures.ShelookedaroundforBenbuthewasstillnotbackfromhiscall.Sheworriedslightly,buttriedtoputhermindatease.Washecallingawoman,wastheresomeoneelseinthepicture?

ShetoldherselfthatnomatterwhathappenedsheandEliwouldhaveagreatChristmas.Sheeyedtheescalatorandthetoplevelofthemall.Asshedidshe

noticedtheglasselevatorcomingdownfromthesecondlevel.Asolitarymandressedindarkcolorsstoodatthefront,staringherway.Maggieswallowedhard.“Wasthathim,didshejustseeJack?Itcouldn’tbe?”

Shelookedawaywithasmiletohidehersenseoffear.Whentheelevatordockedshescannedthecrowdandwhispered,“No.DearJesuspleasekeephim

awayfromus.”ElihoppedoffSanta’s

lapandranrightpastMaggie.“Heybud,”sheturnedtofollowhimandsawBenstandingjustoutsidethecrowdedarea.BenscoopedhimupandwaitedforMaggie.Heopenedthegateastheshewalkedthrough.“Santa’sbeardisn’treal.Icouldtell.”“Isthatso?”Benresponded.

Maggieswallowedhard,herheartrateincreasing.Shespunaroundandtriedtoremaincalm.“Thisisnothappeningagain.”Bensethimdownandtussledhishair.HelookedatMaggie.“Maggie,areyouokay?You’reaswhiteasaghost.”Elilookedathismomma.“IbetSantatakesoffhisbeardtoeat.”

“I’mfine.Justthecrowd

Iguess.Itplaystricksonme.”

Bentookherhand..“Doweneedtoleave?”

“Comeonguys.”ElituggedatBen’shandandpulledhimtowardthebigfountain.Thechildstaredovertheedgeasifitwereabottomlesssea.

Maggieheldherbreathandclosedhereyes.“Doyouknowwhatthisis?”Benasked.“It’sawishingwell.”

“DoyouknowwhatIwishformom?”

Shetriedtosmilebutherheartwasreadytocollapse.“Whatbaby?”

“Iwishyoucouldhavemagicbootstomakethescarystuffgoaway.”

Benseemedpuzzled,butshekepthereyesonherson.Hadherfearsbeenthatunmanageablethathersonnoticed?Shewasamess,andyesshewantedtoleave.

BenscoopedupEliandaskedhimifhewashungry.“Iam,”hepronounced.BenlookeddownatMaggieandsaid,“Howaboutwegetoutofhereandgogetsomefood?”Theridehomewasrelaxing,despitethelonglinesandtraffic.OnceElifellasleep,sheknewBenwouldraisethequestionofwhathappenedatthemall.Soshe

approachedthesubjectfirst.“I’msorryIfreakedoutbackthere,”shesaid,foldingherhandsinherlap.“It’sjustsomethingthathappens.”“Iunderstand.Youdon’tlikecrowds.Igetthatwaywiththunder.Itmakesmejumpy.”Maggiechuckled.“Thunderhuh.Iguessthatalwaysrelaxesme.”Sheexhaled,“Look,Idon’treally

hatecrowds.”Hermouthwentdryassheattemptedtocontinue.“It’smoreofafearthatsomeonecanfollowme.”Benchangedlanes.“Youmeanlikeastalker?”“Sortof.”“Well,hasthateverhappenedtoyou?”Maggielookedoutthewindow.“CanwetalkaboutthiswhenEliisn’tinearshot?”“It’snobigdeal.I

don’tthinkgoingtothemallissomethingIneedaheadsupon.Crazyex-husbandwhowantstokillme;thatIneedtoknow.Butthis,don’tsweatit.”Maggiesmirked,partlybecausehewasnotfarfromthetruthandtheotherreasonwastheyhadofficiallymovedpastsmalltalk.Unsureofhowlongitwouldlast,shesavoredeverymoment.

AmidstthechaosofspottingJackandthestressoftheholiday,itwassonicetohaveamanatherside.Thetailendoftheridewasthebest.HalfofthetownwasdecoratedforChristmas,andifBentooktheoldbusinessroutethroughDowntownColoradoSprings,theywouldseethehistorichomesalllitup.Itwassomethingsheenjoyedandlovedtodothatwithhim,welltoher,that

wasspecial.TheglowfromChristmaslightsandthemyriadofcolorswarmedherheart.Benturnedupthestreet,jokingaboutoneoftheneighborswhorefusedtodecoratefortheholiday.SomenightsMaggiespottedasnowhareintheirfrontyard,shewonderediftheChristmaslightswouldscareitaway.Hepulledpasthis

houseandbroughtthesleepingchildandMaggiebackhome.Sheeagerlyaskedifhewantedtostay.Heunbuckledhisseatbelt.“Ihadagreatdaywithyoutwo.ButIthinkit’stimethatIgo.”

Hereyeslockedonhis.Shefeltherheartdrop.“Oh,I’msorryifwekeptyou.Thankyou.Wehadagreattime.”

Hesmiledatherand

lookedbackatEli.“Ihadawonderfulday,andI’ddoitalloveragain.ButIneedtogohome,andclearmyhead.”

“That’sfine.”Shewaslyingandthey

bothknewit.“Maggieit’snotthatI

don’twanttoaskyououtonarealdate.Butmycompanyjusttookonanewproject.It’salargejobanditwouldrequiremetomovebackthere.”

“Iunderstand.”“I’llcallyouinadayor

two.Butifanythingarises,callmyaunt.”

ShenoddedandwokeEliup.Exitingthecar,Benletheropenhisdoorandtakethesleepychildoutofhisseat.Hewaiteduntiltheygotinsidebeforebackingoutofthedriveway.Maggie’shopesdeflatedashislightsfadeddownthehill.Shefelttheswellinhereyesasshe

realizedthatafamilyandpeacewerejustnotinherfuture.

CHAPTER12

Thesunbrokeoverthemountainjustafter6:10am.AllthetalkaboutChristmasbetweenherandBensentheronasearchforafatherandsonphotowhereJackheldEli.Herhuntforsuchaphotoledhertoonlinestorageshe

onceused.Shehaddismantledthefamilyphotoslastyear.ItwasthebestwaytohelpEliunderstandthathisdaddywasnotcomingbackintotheirlives.Shewasn’tsurewhatwouldhappen,buttheywouldneverbeafamilyandinhermind,Eli’slifedependedonstayingawayfromJackBurke.

Lookingthroughthevariousalbumshadbroughtonarealization.Something

hadbeenmissingfromherlife;itwasevidentinthephotos.Regardlessofhermaritalstatus,shehadneveractuallyfeltlikesheandJackwereafamily.Therewasnoaffectionintheirphotosandthesmileonherface,whenshedidseeone,wasmoresubduedandguardedthanonewouldexpect.

Infact,ithadmadehersick.Afteraruntothetoilet,Maggiesteppedclosertothe

mirrorandtookagoodlookatheragingface.Whenhadherskindriedoutandthosewrinklesappeared?Hergrayswerestartingtosproutupthroughherdirtyblondehair.Shenevercaredbefore,butsomethingaboutBenmadeherwanttocare.Wasshereallyhappydressinginflannelshirtsandworkingwithdogs?Didshemisscitylifeanddiningwithpublisher’sagents?

WhathappenedtotheMaggiethatexistedbeforeJack?Wherewasshe?

Beforeherthoughtscouldrelishintimegoneby,Elirushedintothebathroom.

“Whereareyougoinginsucharush?”

Elihurriedtothetoilet.“Canyougivemesomepryvassyplease,”hegrumbled.

Hewasgrowingupsofast.Thetoddlerphasehad

beenoverforsometimeandthisroughandtumblelittlemanhadtakenhisplace.SheturnedontheTVjustintimetolearnthattherewasdelayatschool.DroppingElioffwasoutofthequestion,she’dneverhaveenoughtimetogettoworkandback.

Shebethewashungry.Theonlywaytokeephimoutofthesugarcereal,whichshepromisedherselfshe’deventuallystopbuying,was

togivehimpancakesoreggs.Maggiewhiskedupthe

eggsasElibustledoutofthebathroomandtowardtheTV.“OohcanIhelp?”Elilovedtocook.

“Iwouldloveyourhelp.”

“Okay.”Hepulledachairacrossthewoodfloorandclimbedup.“Letmedoitthen.”

Shelookedoverhisshoulderashemixedtheeggs

liketheywerecementabouttobepoured.Shemeasuredthevanillaextractandbutteredahotpan.Elisetthetableasbestashecould.Sheflippedthepancakesandmadetheirplates.“Theylookyummy,”hesaidlickinghislittlelips.

Shewashappytohavehimeatahealthybreakfast.“Whatarewedoingtodaymommy?”

“Youhaveschooldon’t

you?”“Butmomit’ssnowing.

Andyouneverbringmedownthemountaininthesnow.”

Hewasallaboutthefun,andwhocouldblamehim?“CanIplayhookytoday?”

“Afterweshovelthedrivewayfirst,thenmaybewecangointotown.”

Theskaterinkwasasmallpondinthecenteroftown,directlybehindthe

library.Onadayliketoday,thepondwassuretobepacked,butifshedroppedhimoffatClaire’sshecouldstillgettowork,andsinceshemissedadayortwosinceThanksgiving,itwastherightthingtodo.

“Surebaby.”“IsClairegoingtowatch

metoday?”Withbatterintheskillet,Maggiepickedupherphonetocheckemail,whenacall

fromanunassignednumberflasheduponthescreen.Maggiedidnotanswer.Anyonesheknewwasalreadyprogrammedinherphone.

Elikeptbusymostofthemorning,betweenshovelingandplayingwithLego’s.Onceherstreetwasplowed,shemadeherwaytothekennel.Clairewasoutbutwouldbebackjustafterlunch.AllMaggieneeded

wasaboutfivehoursattheofficeandshe’dbebackontrack.

Eliwasfussy.Hewas

hungryandcoldfromplayingoutside.Maggiedrovehomeasfastasshecould,justforherownsanity.Whenthegaragedooropenedshepulledinslowly.“Mommy,where’sVala?”

Maggielookedtowardthedoorleadingintothe

house.Thedogwasalwaysatherpostwhentheyreturnedhome.Itwaspartofhertraining.

Sheleftthecarrunningandunbuckledherbelt.“Eli,stayhere.”

Maggielettheseatbeltslideoffhershoulder.Sheexitedthecarwithcautionandapproachedthedoorslowly.Enteringthehouseshewasonfullalarm.“Vala,heregirl.”

Thedogappearedbutthenwalkedbythekitchen.‘Wasshepacing?’

Thedogdidnotmakeeyecontactshejustkeptwalkingbackandforth.InheryearofhavingVala,thedoghadneverbehavedlikethis.

Shelookedbacktothecar,tomakesureEliwasstillsafelytuckedinside.

Maggiehadnoonetocall.Klausdidn’tanswerthe

officephoneafterhours.Shedidn’texchangenumberswithBen,butsheknewhewasnotintown.

Ratherthanchanceit,shegotbackinthecaranddrovetothepolicestation.Elihadlearnedtheevacuationproceduresandknewabouthissafetybag,andwhotolistentoshouldasituationarise.ButMaggieknewJack;sheknewthewayhismindworked.Sheknew

histacticsandscenarios.Sheknewwherehewouldhide,andwhathewoulddotogaincontrolandterrorize.

She’dhearditforyears.Jackwouldmakeaswipearoundanyplacetheyeverlived,sizingupthepotentialdangerofeverywindow,crawlspace,closet,doorandhallwaywhereaperpetratorcouldhide.Theseweresoengrainedinhermindshenowworriedsomeoneelse

washidingtherewaitingforher.

Eliwasnowwhining,

whichwasunlikehim.Maggiecalmlymarchedintothepolicestation,holdinghishand.Sheapproachedthecounteraskingforassistance.Fortunately,therewasanolderfemaleonduty.ShetookonelookatEliandescortedhimtothebreakroomforasnack.

Maggiekeptheremotionsincheckandwaitedatthecounter.UsingherattorneyanddetectiveBrant’sname.Shewastoldtotakeaseat,andanofficerwouldassisthershortly.Shesatjittery,deliberatingbetweentwopossibilities,thedogwaseithersick,orsomeonehadtrulybrokenin.Sheoverheardanofficersay,“Linetwo,TheSprings.”Thenanolderman

sittingbehindadeskpickedupthephone.Afewnodslater,helookedtowardMaggieandhungupthephone.

“Ms.Burke,”hecalledherfrombehindthecounter.Sheroseandtookaseatathisdesk.Theofficerfoldedhishands,“Whydon’tyoutellmewhyyou’rehere.”

Shetookadeepbreath.“Ihavereasontobelievetherewasabreakinatmy

home.”“Aburglary?”Shestraightenedupin

thechair.“Iamnotsure.Ididn’tmakeitinsidemyhouse.Icamedirectlyhere.”

“Isee.”Sherememberedwhat

Klaushadtoldher.DonotletanyoneknowwhatValaiscapableof,otherwisetheymaysueyou,trytopoisonheroreventakeheraway.“Listen,Ihaveasecuritydog

onthepremisesofmyhouse.She’dbeentrainedtoalertmeifanythingunusualisinthehouse.Shehasregularlymetmeatthefrontdoor,faithfullyfortwoyears.Exceptfortoday.”

“Andwhat’ssospecialabouttoday?”“WhenIgothome,thedogwasnotatherstation,andwhenIattemptedtoenterthehouse,shewasseenpacingbackandforth.”

Hesatback.“IjustgotoffthephonewiththeColoradoSpringsPoliceDepartment,theyhavepaperworksayingyouhaveaprotectiveorder,againstyourex-husband.”

Maggiecouldseethatherclearthinkingwasmakingthismucheasierthanifsheeruptedintoanemotionalbasketcase.

“That’strue.It’salsowhyIamaskingthatan

officerescortushomeandenterthedwellingbeforeIbringinmysoninside.

Heradioedtherequesttodispatch.Maggiefeltexonerated.

Maggiewasnowkeenlyawarethatitwasstilllightoutandacopwaspullingintoherdriveway.Herplantonotalerttheneighborsabouthercircumstancewasnowoutof

thequestion.Thesunwassettingassheexitedthecar,Elistayedbuckledinuntilthepolicemancheckedtheproperty.

Eliwassilent,whichwasablessing.HerthoughtswanderedbacktothedayJackwasarrested.Itwasherwakeupcall,andboywasitscary.Whenthepolicephotographedtheattic,Jackwasinpossessionofaweaponthatwaslinkedtoa

batterychargetwotownsover.Hehadotherdevicesandtorturestationsbuiltintotheroofofthehome.Thepolicealertedherastothedangerlurkingaboveherhead.

“Soundpeopledon’tfantasizeaboutkillingothers.”That’swhattheytoldher.ItwasbadenoughtodealwithJack’shallucinationandanger,buttoknowthatheactuallyhurtsomeone,the

wayhe’dbeenthreateningtohurther,sheneededtorun.Jack’sattichideawaycontainedtwodummiesmadeofrubberandanuprightpunchingbagthatwascoveredinblackelectricaltape.ThedomesticadvocateassignedtohercaseexplainedtoMaggiewhatexactlyherhusbandhadbeeninvolvedwith.Shewasshocked.

Thebodybagher

husbandhadusedforhisswordtraining;wasnotthetypicalbag.Itwascoveredwithducktapeinspecificareas,markingoutStrikeZonesonthehumanbody.Theselinesrepresentseveringpoints,oneattheneck,twoattheshoulders,twoatthehipsandoneattheheart.

Maggietrembledasshestaredattheblacktapecoveringtheheart.She’dseenthetapethereforyearsand

assumedthepiecewasarandommistake.Shetookafewstepsbackandfelldown.Hereyesflushedwithtears.She’dknownaboutthis,thebag.Shehadwatchedhimpracticehisstrikesbuttoheritwasjustamartialart—oneshedidn’tapproveof,butshewasjustbeingparanoid,wasn’tshe?She’dvoicedherconcernsmanytimeswhenJackproppedEliuponabenchandhadhimwatchas

hetrained.AtonetimeMaggieeven

braggedabouttheviolenceandhowJackcouldprotectherfromharm,andyethereshewas,surroundedbyhislunacy.

“Hisfathergavehimthebodybag.I’vealwayshatedit.Ineverknewwhythatpieceoftapewasthere.Ineverknew.”

“Fromthelooksofif,he’sbeenpracticingfora

longtime.”Maggiewasgoingnumb

asrealitysankin.“Twentyyears,”shetoldthewoman.“He’sbeendoingthisfortwentyyears.”“Didyouknowhehadanyoftheseitemsinyourattic?”

Maggieshookinfear.“Thereasonwhythey

aretheredoesnotmatter;butgivenhismentalconditionandthethreatshe’smade

againstyou,weurgeyoutoleavethehome,today.YouneedtogetoutwhileyoucanMaggie,doyouunderstandwhatIamtellingyou?”

Maggieunderstood,sheabsolutelyunderstood.Twohourslatersheluggedherbagsoutthedoorandneverwentback.

HermotherpackedupherthingsonceMaggieleftJack,andhewasincarcerated.Shebroughtthe

itemstoherhouseandheldthemuntilMaggiecouldretrievethem.Hermotherneveraskedwhysheleft,sheonlytoldherdaughtertobecareful.Maggiehadnotseenhermothersincebeforesheleft.Shewantedtoo,butherfearskeptherontherun.

CHAPTER13

ThenighthisfatherhadgoneoffthedeependJackwasonlynine.HehadbeenlockedinthebasementsinceFridaynightanddidn’tknowthedayortime.Outofpurefright,hehadpeedinhisclothesandsleptwiththerats.Hisfatherwaitedtilllate

toslideaboxoffoodontothetopstep.Jackhadabustedwrist,andotherwounds,mostofthemhadhappenedpreviouslywhichishowhelearnedthatpleadingandcryingwouldgethimnowhere.Hehadbeggedhisfathertolethimout,toforgivehimforwhateverhehaddone,butthesoundofhissoninpainseemedonlytofeedhisanger.

Jackwokeuponenight

tothesoundofmetalbeingdraggedacrossthefloor.Hiseyesflickeredopen.Hehadgrownaccustomedtothedrippingwaterandthebangofpipes,butthissoundpiercedthechild’ssoul.Hedarednotmove.Hewatchedhisfathercomeintosightandbackoutagain.Helaideverstill.

WhenJackwentbacktothehouseasanadult,hetookMaggiewithhim.They

pulleduptothethreestorymonster,parkingalongtheunkeptcurb.Theroofwasinshamblesandtheyardhadnotbeenkeptinyears.Thebrokenfenceandrustypostslinedasquarelot.Thetreesoutfrontweredeadandovergrown,aswerethebushesinfrontofthehome.Thewalkoutstoopwasinneedofpaint.Jackwantedtorevisitthesceneofhishorrificchildhood;thereon

thewallwasasmallposter,tatteredfromthedampweather.ItwasaportraitofachildonhiskneesprayingtoGodforprotectionandcare.Jacksquaredhisshoulders,staredatthephotoandelbowedtheglass.ThepieceshitthefloorwithacrescendoandMaggiestoodtherecompletelyfrozen.Shemadenomovementsasshewatchedthebloodoozefromhisarm.

Hemadenocommenttothepainorthegashinhisarm.Heonlystudiedherreaction.Shequiveredasheleanedcloser.“Nobodyoverpowersme.Youhearthat!”Jackspitattheposterandturnedaround,theheelofhisbootscrunchingthecrushedglass.“Nobody,”hesneered.

Hekickedoversomemoldyboxesandheadedupthestairway.Maggiestood

frozen.Sheknewbetterthantotalktohim.Hemayhaveforgottenshewasthereorhemayturnonher.Hehad,intimespast,mistakenherforhisfatherduringafitofrage.Thescarypartwasshedidn’tknowwhichofthetwohewouldchoose.

Shestoodalone,herlegsshakingasthebasementdoorshut.Astreamofmascaradribbleddownherhandasshewipedhereyes.She

staredatthedimlylitflooraspiecesofbloodyglasslayindisrepair.Whatthehellhadjusthappened?

Whenthepolicemancamebacktothecarhemotionedforhertoexit.SheturnedtowardEli,“Stayinthecarsweetie,it’swarmerinhere.”Maggierecognizedthefearinherownvoice.

“Iwillmommy.”Hiseyeswerebrightandwildwithwonder.“Valawillget

thebadpeople,”hesaidreassuringly.Maggie’sheartsankwhensherealizedherboywastryingtocomforther.

Elihuggedhistoyandwatchedwithanenlargedgaze.Heradrenalinewaspumping.

MaggieopenedthegaragedoorsoValawouldhearthefamiliarsound.She’dbeentrainedtomakevisualcontactwithhermaster

beforefollowingacommand.Theofficercreptupthe

threestepsfromthegaragetothehouse,slowly.Withonehandonhispistol,thecopraisedhisarmtothedoorhandle.

Valaappearedbythedoor,herfacestoicastheofficerandMaggieenteredthehouse.MaggiespoketoValainSlovikandtoldhertostanddown.

Maggieknewnoone

wasinthehouseorValawouldhavethemcorneredorwouldatleasthavestayedbythebody.IttookhertwoyearstopayforValaanditwasdayslikethisshecouldseewherethemoneywent.

Maggielookedaroundthehouse;sofarnothinglookedoutoftheordinary.Valaroundedthecouchandledhertoabird,lyinginthecenterofthefloor.“Howdidyougetinhere?”

ThedogsatbyMaggie,whichwasasignofimpendingdanger.“Jack,”sheutteredaloud.

Valarosetoherfeetandmovedtowardthedoor.

Therewasnowaythatbirdflewinfromthechimney.Theydidn’thavemanybirdsatthisaltitude.Justthensheheardthepoliceofficercallherfromthehallway.

“Ms.Burke,canwe

talk?”Maggie’sheadjerked

back.Elistoodinthedoorway,tearsrunningdownhisface.“Mommy,somestrangerisoutside.”

Theofficerexitedthehomeassherantoherson.Elijumpedintoherarmsandheldontight.“Babywhowasit?”

“Idon’tknowmommabuthescaredme.”

“Didhecomeintothe

garage,”thepolicemanasked.Elisuckedhisthumbandshookhishead,yes.Heheldontighter.

Thepoliceofficerheadedoutside.MaggieclutchedthebackofEli’sheadandfollowedhimoutside.Valahadtakentheprotectivestance,maybeJackwasoutside.

Theonlyfigureintheareawasabiker,pedalinguphill.Whentheofficer

questionedtherider,hesaidhehadn’tseenanyone.Maggieaskedhimifthereweresignsofabreakin.

Herepliedno.“Thismayhavebeenjustafluke,ithashappenedbefore.”

Maggiegulped.Shestaredatthehouse,“right,”shesaidsheepishly.SheimmediatelythoughtofBen.Sheneededhim.Shewasnotstayinginthehousealone.Andshewantedconfirmation

thatJackwasstillinprison.DoctorGibbonswelcomedMaggieandshuttheofficedoor.Theroomhadbeenrearrangedsinceherlastvisit.She’dbeenmanagingonherown,trackingherdreams,keepinghermindoffJackandwhatledhertoColorado.Thensomethinglikelastnighthappensanditstartsupalloveragain.

Maggiesignedin,andsatdowninachair.Shewasuneasyintheoversizedarmchairandpreferredtositattheconferencetableontheothersideoftheroom.

“Howareyou?”“Abitshaken,”Maggie

admitted,onthevergeoftears.“Why?”

Sheassumedthedoctorhadbeenpreppedonthesituationlastnight.Itwas

partofherprotocol.Whethersheknewornot,thedocwouldgiveMaggieachancetoputthesituationinherownwords.Thatwasacrucialsteptotherapy.

“Mydogwasnotinpositionlastnighttotellmethehousewasclear.Ioverreactedandwenttothepolicestation.”“Whydoyousayyouoverreacted?”ThedoctoraskedasshemotionedMaggieto

answer.Heragitationrose.

Maggieplayedwithhernails,“Becauseitwasnothing,justadumbbird.Heflewinthroughthechimney.”

“Maggie,witheverythingyou’vethrough.Didyouexpecttoreactdifferently?”

Sheknewtheanswer.“Well,no.Butitwasstillembarrassing.”

“Embarrassingyoucan

livewith.Yourreactioncouldhavesavedyourlife.”

“Butmylifewasn’tinjeopardy.”

“Perhapsnot.ButJackwillbeoutofprisonsoon.Andthesethoughtpatternswillemerge.Youeithertrustyourselftostaysafe,oryoudon’t.”

Shedidn’twanttotalkaboutJackgettingout.Sheknewhewasmonthsawayfromhisrelease.Andshe

knewhewouldtrackherdown.

“Wearegoingtocheckyourlevelsthisvisit.Nowanswerashonestasyoucan,don’toveranalyzeyourresponse.”Maggieshookherheadindicatingshewasready.

“O.K.Maggie,howareyoudoingwithyourresponsetodanger?”

“Seven,”shereplied.“Howareyoudoingwith

memoryassociation?”“Asix,”sheanswered.“Andhowwouldyou

rateyourcurrentstateofanxiety?”

“Aneight,atleast.”Shemarkedtheanswers

onachart.“Andhowisyourflinchingandscaring?”

“It’saboutafive.”DoctorGibbonslooked

up.“Thesearehighlevels.Whatdoyouattributethattoo?”

Sheexhaledagainandspokeslowly,“Everything.Jack,theholidays,lastnight.And,Imetsomeone.”

DoctorGibbonsshowedsomeinterest.“Oh.Wellthat’sapositive.Wheredidyoumeet?”

“Actually,atmyhouse.”Hershoulderscurleduplikealittlegirl.

“Great.Canwetalkmoreaboutthisnewperson?”

Maggiehappilyswitched

gears.“HisnameisBenHall.Helivesdownthestreetfromme,withhisaunt.He’sanengineerandworksinDenver.”

“Whythelongcommute?”

“Ihaven’taskedhimyet.”

“Isee.Whatelsecanyoutellmeabouthim?”

“Eliseemstolikehim.”“That’sgood.WasEliat

homewhenyoumethim?”

“Yes.WecamehomewithagiantChristmastree,tiedtothecar.Benhappenedtoseeusdrivebyandcameupthedrivewaytoaskifweneededhelpunloading.”

“Andyouaccepted?”“Yes.Ididn’tfeelthreatenedorevennervous.Itwasdarkoutwhenwegothome.Thatusuallysetsmeoff.”

“Haveyouhadanynegativethoughts?”

“Ofcourse,butmyintrigueoverthewholethingoutweighsthem.”

“That’sgoodMaggie.Ithinkyoutookamajorstep.Youtrusted,youputyourfeelingsfirstratherthanyourfear.That’shealthy.”Dr.Gibbonshandedheramirror.“Lookatyou.Whatdoyousee?”“Iseehealing.Iseehappiness.”Sheputthemirrorinherlap.

“That’snotwhatIsawwhenwefirstmet.”

“Whatdidyousee?”Maggieasked,regrettingittheminuteitcameout.“Isawawomanwho,withouttellingherstorydisplayedself-doubt,someseriousmindcontrol,andintimidation.Butlookatyounow.Therehasbeenprogressineveryarea.”

“ButwhataboutJackgettingoutofprison.”

Thedocadjustedherseat.“Thereisnothingyoucandoaboutthat.Youhavetakenalltheprecautionarymeasures.Allyoucandonowismoveonwithyourlife.Tomorrowispromisedtonoone.”

Thatnight,afterEliwasinbed,Maggiepulleddownthecordtotheatticwhereshestoredtheirdecorations.Thesoundofthespringsbroughtbackamemory.Sheeased

herwayuptotheopening,everystepaninchclosertoherfear.Whenthepolicephotographedtheatticshepassedout.SherecalledtheweaponsandhowitshowedevidenceofJack’sneurosis.Butthejudgedidn’ttakethatintoaccountwhenhesentencedhim.Hewasevaluatedintherapyandgivenalightsentence.

Maggietookadeepbreathandremindedherself

thatshewasinasafeplacenow.Therewasnoevidencethatjackhadfoundher,infacttheoddsofthathappeningwerelessthan15percent.

Shedraggeddownafewboxes,carefultohidethewrappingpapersoEliwouldn’tseeit.

Howshemanagedtoprotectthechildfromthemadnessshehadnoidea.Itwasliketrustingaghost.She

followedtheadviceoftheprofessionalsandshekepthercomposureasmuchaspossible.Butthecomposurehadadarkside.ShewasabletoholdapokerfacewithJack.Itbecamesecondnature.Shecouldwieldhismoodswithherbodyandherwords,allthewhilebeingterrified.

Sherepeatedhersafesentence.“Iamsafenow,weareawaynow.Godishere.I

amokay.”Shelinedupthebinsandboxesalongthewallinthediningarea,itwasstillempty.Whydidsheneeditanyway,itwasjustherandEli.Theydidn’thavemanyguestsotherthanClaire,andnowBen.

SpeakingofClaire,sheneededtocallher.Sheleftavoicemailandhopedherfriendcalledback.Ithadbeenthreedayssinceeverythingwentdown.Claire

wouldknowwhattodo—ifshecouldjustgetaholdofher.

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

Valasleptoutsidethe

door.Maggie’sdreamswererestless.Sheturnedhereandthere,hopingtoget

comfortable.ShereachedovertofeelforElimultipletimes.Eachtimeshefelthissoftcurls,hermindeasedbacktosleep.Shecouldhearhissoftbreathingasshenestledintothepillowanddozedoff.

Likemostwomen,hermindkeptwandering.ItwasthreeweeksbeforeChristmasandshestillhadnoofficialplans.Hershoppingwasrestrictedtoonlineandwho

knewhowmanypackageshadshowedupatthepostoffice.Sheneededtocheck.Howmanymoreholidayswouldshestayawayfromhome?Celebratingwithjustthetwoofthemwasboring.Lastyear,ClariehadmadeittoMaggie’sfordinner,butthatwasafterhergirlslefttoseetheirdad.Elihadnoonetoplaywith.

Shehadn’taskedbutmaybeBen’sauntwould

invitethemover;Eliwouldlovethat.Ormaybeaflighthomewouldbethebestwaytoputthisbehindher?Shelettheideasresonateandleftthewarmthofherbedforacupoftea.

Aquickglanceoutthewindowhadalreadyshowedtheremnantsofalatenightsnowfall,maybe4-5inches.

Maggiepulledoutherjournalandsatatthetablewithsometea.Valawas

snuggledupbythefire.Forthefirsttimesincethebirdincident,shefeltatease.

Herpeneaseditswayacrossthepageasanewpoemflitteredoffherfingers.

Thedarknesssteppedback,whenthelightinmyheartbegantospread.Andinthatlightwasrevealedtome,

anewthing,bornofheaven,agiftoffreedomwherelovecouldgrow.

SeedlingsgrewuponthegroundandallaroundmeIamblessed.Forwhatisaflowerifnotcherishedbythegrowerandwhatislifeifnotlivedinperfectlove?

Maggiesippedherteaandletthefulfillmentofpridestrengthenher.Shestaredatthepaperwithasenseofpride.Icanwrite.Jackwouldoftengrabherpadandaskherwhoshewaswritingaboutorwhy.Soeventuallyshestopped.WhenshewaspregnantwithElioneofherclientsneededalovepoeminsertedintothebook,so

Maggiewroteit.ButwhenJacksawit,well,heassumedshehadaboyfriend.That’swhenhesatherdownandthreatenedher.Maggieshiveredjustthinkingabouttheintensityonhisface.Thewayhiseyesturnedintopoolsoftar;itwasinhuman.Andsheknewhemeantit.SomeofthewomenattheshelterhadbeenbeatenterriblyandMaggieoftenfelt

forthem.Shecarriednophysicalscars,buttheysaythat’sevenworse.Maggiesippedherteaagainandglancedoutthewindow.Maybeshecouldcreateanewlifenow.Maybethiswasallpartoftheplan.Valapacedbythediningroomandpeeredoutthefrontwindow.Maggiewascertainsheneededawalk,butthatwouldhavetowait.

Elireachedonhistippytoesforthegaragedoorbutton.Hepresseditwithhisfingerandupitwent.HelookedbackforBen.“Impressivebuddy.”Asthedoorrose,alightdustingofsnowhadcoveredtheroad.Hestormedoutsidewithhisbootsandhatflapping.“Heisasurgeofenergy.”

Maggieplacedherhandsinhercoatpockets.“Tellmeaboutit.That’stheproblemwithsinglechildren,theyhavenoplaymates.”“Heneedsone.”“Welltodayhehasyou.”Bensmiledandstrolledalongbesideher.“Soifyoudon’tmindmeasking,whydidn’tyouhavemore?”Maggiepuckeredherlips.“Well,EliandIhave

beenonourownsincehewastwo.Therewasn’tmuchtimeinbetweenthedivorceandnow,soIsettledforwhatIhave.”“Howlonghasitbeen,ifyoudon’tmindmeasking.”“Aroundthreeyears.Tookalittlewhileforthepaperworktogothroughbutwe’vebeenonourownatleastthatlong.”“Andyourex.

Wherewashe,lastyouknew?”“Prison,inNewYork.”Benrubbedthebackofhishead.“DoesEliknow?”Sheshookherhead.ThesnowfellharderandElispunaroundincirclesasthegrayskydelivereditsfloatingwhiteflakes.BenlookedatMaggie,“It’sgoingtobeokay.Idon’tknowwhy

IamsayingthatbutIbelieveit.”Shekepthereyesonherboy.“Hisfatherwantshim.Forwhatreason,Idon’tknow.Butifhefindsus,it’sgoingtogetugly.”BenlookedatEli.“Whatdoyoumean?”Shepointedtothedog.“Vala’saguarddog.”Ben’seyebrowspulledback.“Youtrainedher?”

Maggiegaveherthecommandtosearchtheproperty.“Hl’adanie.”ShecanteredoffpastEliandroundedthedownslopeheadingtothebackyard.Inamatterofseconds,shewasgone.“Klaustrainedher.It’swhyImovedhere.”“Yourboss?”Benaskedashebegantoputthepiecestogether.“Yes.”

Benswallowedandtheconversationfell.“IfIevercameoverhereandyouwerenothome,doIwanttoknowwhatwouldhappen?”Maggiehungherhead.“Iwouldn’tsuggestit.”“Isee.”“Whatisshecapableof?”Maggieslowedhersteps.“Shewilldowhateversheneedsto,inordertoprotectus.”

“Thisisrealisn’tit?Thepossibilityofyourexhuntingyoudown.”“I’vebeenontherunforalongtimenow.IwanttomovepastthisbutaslongasheisaliveIdon’tthinkIwilleverfeelcompletelysafe.”TheconversationmadeMaggieuncomfortable,butitneededtobedone.IfBenwasgoingtoleavethem,soonerwouldbebetter.

Benmadenoexcusetoleave.Insteadhesuggesteddinnerout,attheBuffaloDiner.TheymadeafreshlasagnaeverySaturdaynight.ElilovedItalian,soitwasaperfectmatch.Thewaitercametotheirtablewiththreesodas.Eliboppedupanddowninhisseat,touchingeverythingfromthesugarpacketstothecrayonsthehostessgavethem.Ashecticastheday

hadbeenBen’soffertoeatoutwasjustwhattheyneeded.DinnerwassimpleandanaftermealwalkwassuggestedbyBen.Maggiebundledupandfollowedthemenintothebriskair.Therewasaparkbehindtherestaurant,notmuchofapark,butstillaniceopenfieldwithroomtorun.Thecoupleleftoutthefrontdoormakingfreshfootprintsinthesnow.Eliran

towardtheopenfield,pickingupastickalongtheway.“Slowdownhoney,Idon’twantyoutofall.Therecouldbeice.”Bentookherhand.“Nowwouldyoulookatthesky?”Shelookedupattheskypaintedwithstars.Thedrycoldairinvigoratedherspirit.Tonight,Maggiefeltatpeace.Elistoppedand

turnedaround.“Thestarsarealwaysthere,evenduringtheday.”“Ohreally.Thenhowcomewecan’tseethem?”QuizzedMaggie“Becausethesunisbrighterthanthestarsbutpeopleontheothersideoftheworldcanseethem,becauseit’snighttime.”“That’sagoodanswerbuddy.”Maggiewasproudof

herson.Itwasalessonshecouldlearn;herfearsmayalwaysbetherebutitwastimeforthesuntocomeout.“SowhatlanguagedoyouusetospeaktoVala?Icouldn’tmakeitout.”“Ican’ttellyou.”Benwentalongwithherjesting,butshewasindeedserious.Ifsomeoneknewwhatlanguagethecommandswere,theymayhavetheupperhandina

situation.Maggiedidn’ttakethoserisks.

“Whatabouthername.Canyoutellmeaboutthat?”

“It’sWelch,itmeansChosen.”

“IssheaGermanShepherd?”

“Technicallyyes,butshewasraisedinCzechoslovakia.”

Benletgoofherhandwhenawetsplatofsnowhithisleg.Elibeganlaughing,as

didMaggie.Benleanedovertogathersomesnow,butwhenhestoodup,Elibatteredhimagain.“Takethat,”hegiggled.Maggiewatchedasthetwoexchangedpowderysnowballs.“Thiswasit,”sherepeatedtoherself.Thisiswhathavingafamilyissupposedtobelike.

ClairesatdownonherbedwhileMaggiewentthroughhercloset.Sheranherfingersthroughtheendlessarrayofdresses.Sofareverythingshetriedonwaseithertoosexy,ornotformalenough.“Youareoverthinkingthis,justpickone.”“Iwanttolookperfect.”“Maggie,thisguymetyouwhenyouhadtreesapinyourhairandwere

coveredinhotchocolate,he’sgonnaloveyounomatterwhatyouwear.”AweekhadpassedandBenaskedheroutonaformaldate.“Ihaven’tbeenonadateinoveradecade.Idon’tknowwhattowear.”“Justpickoneandlet’smoveontoyourhair.”Thegirlsgottheirnailsdoneearlierintheday,quiteatreatforawomanwhospendsherdayswithcanines.

Finallysheemergedwithafittednavydress;thatgatheredacrossherwaist.“Howaboutthisone?”“Ilikeit,”Clairecooedmockinglywithawink.Maggieexaminedherreflectioninthemirror.“Thisisit.”TheywereheadingdowntoMorton’sintheSprings,oneofthemostrespectedrestaurantsinthe

town.Maggielikedagoodsteak,everynowandthen.Shejustcouldn’trememberwhenshelastateone.Clairerakedabrushthroughhercurlsandblewthemstraight.Hernervesstartedtojitter.Theanticipationwasexciting.Claireshowedherafewpairsofearrings.Sheslippedthehoopsintoherearsandtouchedthedanglingjewel.

Shehadasimilarpairathome.“Ican’trememberthelasttimeIgotthisdressedup.”

Butthatwasn’ttrue,shejustdidn’twanttoremember.IthadbeentheweekendbeforeChristmasandtheCatholicchurchwashavingaconcert,Handel’sMessiah.Shegottickets,thinkingthiswouldbeawaytobringsomehopeintotheirlives;maybethemusicwouldeaseJack’s

soul.Heagreedtogo.She

dressedfortheoccasionwearingafittedblackdress,muchliketheonesheworetonight.Sheworenojewelry,inanefforttokeepJackfromhisgrowingsuspicionthatshewasseekingmaleattention.Butevenwithalltheminutedetailssheworriedover,thenightneverwentaccordingtoplan.Never.

Theyarrivedlate,Jack’s

wayofrebellingsheassumed.Still,theymadeit.Theparkinglotwasfull.Hefoundaspacebuttookhistimemeanderingtowardthelobby.Thechurchwasmassive,anewbuildingwhichhousedoverathousandpeople.Itwasfourstorieshighwithspiresandstainedglass.Trulymagnificentfortheirlittletown.Herspiritswereinhighgearassheweavedthrough

theparkinglottogetinside.Thewindchillhaddroppedbelowtwenty,unusualforthelowerstates.Theusherbroughtthestrainedcoupleupfront,thereweretwoseatsinseparaterowsbutJackconvincedthemanheandMaggiecouldsqueezeintotheoutsideseat.Ratherthanarguetheattendantconceded.

Aftertheplaystartedup,Jack’sattentionwanderedupward.Maggiekeptlooking

overathimbuthewasoffinhisownthinking,obviouslysomethingcaughthiseye.ShenoticedhimstarttofidgetbutherthoughtsweremoreconsumedwiththepeoplesurroundingthemthancareforJack.Whatwashedoing?

Hepressedhardagainsther,andtheornateknobattheendofthepewburrowedintoherback.“Jack,youarehurtingme,”shewhisperedinahushedtone.

WhenthesoloistgotuptothemicrophoneJackjerkedhisheadbackandtwistedinhisseat.Maggiewasmortified.Beforeshecouldapologize,Jackgrabbedherbythearmandrushedheroutside.Hetoldherthatthedeathhaddescendedonthecityandthattheyneededtoleave.Hesaiditwascomingforafewpeopleandhetriedtostopit.Hethentoldherthatdeathhadarighttothese

people.Maggieswallowedhard

andgotinthecar.Shehadstartedtocrynotthathewouldnotice.Whatwasshetodo?Thiswascertainlynotthetimetoquestionhim,notwhenhecouldleaveherstrandedinthecold.Andwhowouldshecall.Hehadtakenherphoneaway.

Maggiefantasizedaboutcallingthecops.Howwouldtheyreacttoamanshoving

hiswifeoutofthecarintwentydegreeweather?Somehowtheymadeithomewithoutahugeargument.Mainly,shesurvivedthesetimesbybeingsilent.Jackcouldn’tescalateifshestayedoutofhisway.PickingupElialwayseasedthesituation,thoughitrearedupagainthatnight.

OneofMaggie’sfriendsrecognizedheratthechurch.Abriefwavefromtheaislein

frontofthemhadsentJackintoafury.Heaccusedheroftakinghimtothechurchjustsoshecouldflirtwithherboyfriend.Maggiestayedquiet.

Sheranabathandtriedtoassurehimhewasmistaken.Shewaswavingtothewomanintherowaheadofthem,notthemantoherright.

ButJackwasirate.ShefearedEliheardtheir

argumentandthescreechofthetiresasJackhustledoutthedoor.Sheknewhe’dreturndrunk.Thatwasthefirsttimesherecallednotlookinginthemirrorasshebrushedherteeth.Sheavoidedeyecontactatallcost.Partofherknewwhy.Shewasafraidofwhatshe’dsee.

Sheplacedthepinkpajamasoverherfreshlyshavedlegsandcrawledinto

Eli’sfullbed.Hermuffledcriesdidnotleaveherlips.Sheprayedashardasshecould,withherhandscuppedoverherface.

CHAPTERFIFTEENMaggieclosedthedoorandwatchedBenpull

outofthedriveway.Thenighthadnotendedthewaysheplanned—farfromit.ClairepeekedoutfromEli’sroom,andlookedatherfriend.SheheldupherfingerasMaggiepulledherhairupanddiscardedherheels.Sheopenedthecabinetsuntilshelocatedabottleofwine,thenremovedtwoglassesandcollapsedonthecouch.ClaireshutEli’sdoor

andscurriedtothecouch.“Sowhathappened,whyareyouhomesoearly?”ShetriedtowhispersoElididn’thearher,butshewasfrazzled.Hernerveswerespinningaboutandshewantedtoscream.“Ittookhimweekstoaskme,thenhegetsanemergencycall.Therewasafireathisconstructionsite.Canyoubelievethat?”“OhMaggie,I’m

sorry.”Shehuffed.“It’scompletelyunfair.”Clairetuckedherlegsuptoherchestandlistenedtoherfriend.“Well,itwasn’tadisaster.Youtwowillgooutagain,whenhegetsback.”Maggiecoveredherfacewithathrowpillow.“Ugh.“Ican’tsithere,I’mtoowoundup.”“Whatareyougonna

do?”ShecalledforVala.“I’mgoingforalatenightwalk.”“Ithoughtyouwereafraidofthecoyotes?”“IambutI’mmoremadrightnowthananything.Ican’tsithere.”Sheputonherworkbootsandaheavycoatbeforeheadingoutside.“Usethefrontdoor,soyoudon’twakeupEli.”

“Goodidea.”Beforeshereachedtheporchsteps,thecoyotehowlswerealreadyfillingthenightair.TheywereadistantreminderofhowscaredshewaswhentheyfirstarrivedinColorado.Maggiecouldnevershakethefeelingthatsomeonewasfollowingherorcouldsneakupbehindher.Beingalone,outside,madeherfeelvulnerable.Buttonightshepushedthrough

thosefeelingsandwasdeterminedtotakecontrolofherthoughts.ShehadBentothankforthat.Hesawpastheranxietyandgavehersimplesuggestions.Infact,hisperceptionwasthecompleteoppositeofhersanditwasveryhelpful.Whereshesawweakness,hesawgrowth.Sheproceededtowalkthedogdespiteheranxietyandfoughtitwith

everystep.MaggielookedupattheskyandrememberedwhatElitoldher,thestarswerealwaysshining,evenduringtheday.Withadeepbreathandasenseofpride,shecenteredherthoughtsonallheraccomplishments.ShekeptElisafe,shemovedacrossthecountry.Shemadeanewlifeforherselfandherpathwasbeginningtomakesense.WhetherornotBenjoinedher,shecouldfeelthe

momentumrising.ShewasphysicallyfreefromJackbutnowhermindwasalsosheddingthescalesofthepastandsteppingintoanewplace—Onewhereshethoughtforherself.ValawanderedaboutasMaggietrailedclosebehind.Shekeptineyerangeofthehouse,admiringsomeoftheconstructiongoingondownthestreet.Everyyearanothercabinwastorndown

forsomemonstrosity,butMaggiedidn’tcare.Elilovedthemachineryandbigtrucksthatpulledinthroughtheneighborhood.Valahadnewscentstosmellandherscurryingmadewalksfastandeasy,aslongastheyventuredneartheconstructionsite.Valapickedherheadupandstaredattheroad.Sheturnedbacktopeekatthehouseasacarzoomedby.

“Jerk,”Maggieshoutedasshejumpedback.Whatkindofidiotdrovelikethataroundhere?Thereweredeerandotherwildlife,andthestreetswerepitchblackinparts.Maggielookedatthetaillightsasthecartookaturnatthebottomofthehill.Shewassureshehadn’tseenitbefore,andwhoeverwasdrivinghadsomethingontheirmind.Thereweresometeenagersat

thetopofthehillwhopartiedfrequently.Maggiesawtheirleftoverbeercansandcigarettesloiteredacrosstheconstructionsite.Itbotheredher,butnomorethananyotherrecklessbehavior.Shedidn’twantthatkindoflifeforEli.Shewantedhimtofindahobbyorsportandpursuehiseducation.Shewantedgrandkidsandevenmorekids,whiletherewasstill

time.Butforthatsheneededahusband.RaisingElialonehadbeenhardenough.ItwouldbenicetofindsomeonelikeBenwhoactuallyhadaheartandwasakind,gentleman.Thehousewaswarmwhenshereturned.Clairewasnestleduponthecouchwithahotcupofcoffee.“Youmadecoffee?”“Yes.Nowgetyour

buttoverhereandtellmeaboutthedate.”“Itwasfine.”Clairenudgedher.“Don’tgivemethat.Theguyhadashirtandtieon.Whatelsehappened?”“WewenttoMorton’s,andsatbythefire.”“That’sthebest.”Sheclosedhereyestoimagineit.“Tellmemore.”“Whatdoyouwanttoknow?”

“Well,whathappened,howdidheact?Whatdidyoutalkabout?”ShefeltthewayElimustfeelwhenshehammershimwithendlessquestions.“Claire,he’sagoodman.Ilikehim.ButIbarelyknowhim.”“Goodpoint.HaveyoutoldhimaboutJackyet?”Maggietiltedherheadandstaredatherfriend.“Heknowsalittlebit.Buthe

doesn’tknowwhatIwentthrough.”Shebroughtthemugtoherlips.“Areyougonnatellhim?”Maggiepulledattheseamofthecouchcushion.ClairelookedandMaggieandurgedher,“Youbetterdothatsoon,beforeyougettooattached.“Iknow.”“I’mnotkidding,Maggie,tellhimassoonas

hegetsback.”CHAPTERSIXTEENKlauswenttoDenverMondaymorning,leavingMaggiealone.Koji’snewownerswereflyingherouttoCaliforniasoshe

neededtogetthepapersready.ThiswasthefirsttimeshewouldsignthemandpreparethewholepacketforKlaus.Itwasalsoanotherreasonshewantedaraise.Sherehearsedherreasoningwhileshecheckedonthekennels,makingsurethehelpwasdoingtheirjob.ShecheckedtheYakMeatinthefreezerandpreparedthenextweeksorder.Mondayswere

typicallybusy,sincecallsbackedupovertheweekend.WhenBencalledonherlunchbreak,sheknewitwouldbeashortconversation.Shehadn’theardfromhimsinceSaturdaynight,whichmeanthewasslammed.AllshereceivedfromhimSundaywasatextsayinghewasokayandtherewasalotofworktodo.“Heystranger,”she

saidwithyearninginhervoice.“Hi,”hemuttered.Shecouldheartheexhaustioninhisvoiceinjustoneword.“Itakeitthingsaren’tgoingsogood.”“You’dberight,”hesaidshortly.“ListenIcan’treallytalk,justwantedtostayintouch.How’sEli?”Shetwiddledapenasshesatbackinherofficechair.“He’sfine.Wewent

sleddingyesterdayuponMorganHill.Itwasalotoffun.”“Good,Iamgladtohearthat,”hisvoicesoftened,butwasstillrushed.Maggiedesperatelywantedtobeheldinhisarms.Sheneededhim.“Yeah,maybewecouldtakehimsometime.”“Thatsoundsgreat.ListenIcan’tsaywhenI’llbehome,Ithinktomorrow,butitalldepends.”

Maggieassuredhimsheunderstood.“Whatareyoudoingtokeepbusy?”Shesmiled.“WellElihasapartintheschoolplay.He’sadonkey,soIguessIneedtosewacostume.”“That’ssomecostume.”“I’llmanage.Thestoreintownusuallyhassuppliesforthingslikethis.

Therewasnoiseinthebackground.“Mag,Igottogo.LetmetryyoutonightonceIgetbacktothehotel.”“Okay.”“Bye.”Itwasanawkwardcallbutatleasthemadeaneffort.Sheputherphonedownandabsorbedherselfinthecontractshewaswriting.Ifshehurried,shemayhavetimetogetthatcostumebeforeshepickedupEli.

Ittookherallmorningbutthecostumewasfinallyfinished.BenhadreturnedlateonTuesdayanddrovetoherhousetosayhello.Eliwasthunderingacrossthefloorinhisspacepajamas,wantingtoplay.Benpattedhishead,“Yousettledownandgetsomegoodsleep.Tomorrow’sabigday.”Elilookedupathim.

“What’stomorrow?”“Isn’tityourschoolplay?”“Ohyeah,”Herepliedexcitedly.“Areyougoingtocome?”Benwalkedhimbacktohisroomandtuckedhimin.“Mommyalreadyreadtome,butwecansayprayers.”Maggielistenedfromthekitchen,shewasn’tsureBenbelievedinGod,or

theUniverse,oranything.ButshedefinitelydidandsodidEli.Hisfaintvoicewarmedherheartasthewordsmetherears.“Lordabove,thankyouforthisamazingboy.Mayyoubringhimstrength,andpower,laughterandsport.Thankyouforhismomwholoveshimdearlyandthankyouforlovingusall.Amen.”Maggiekept

remindingherselfnottogettooinvolved.Shehadn’ttalkedwithBenyetaboutherpersonalhistoryandshewantedtotellhim.Whenhecamebacktothekitchen,shehadtocoverheryawn.Maybetonightwasnotthetimetogetintoanelaboratestory.Benwrappedhisarmsaroundher.“I’msorryIhadtorunofflikethat.”Hekissedherhead.

Claire’sdirectiveswereringinginherears.Tellhim—thesoonerthebetter.“Imissedyouguys.”“Wemissedyoutoo,”Maggiewhisperedasshenestledintohiswarmembrace.“I’mgladyouareback.”Hebrushedherhairbackwithhishand.“Metoo.”Shefeltthenervesriseinherthroat.

“Ben,Ithinkweneedtotalkaboutmypast.I’dratheryouknownow,whoIamandwhatI’velivedthrough,beforeI,”wait,sherephrasedthat.“Beforewegettooattachedtohavingyouaround.”Hissugarybrowneyesmeltedher,ashestaredatherfromafootaway.“Couldn’twetalkaboutittomorrow?”“That’sthething,

everytimeIwanttotellyou,eitherEliinterruptsoryouhavework,orIchickenout.I’dratherjusttellyounow.Andcleartheair.”Benmotionedtowardthekitchentable.“Alright.”

Thetablecouldseatsix.NomatterhowhardshetriedMaggieneverfeltathomeinherownhouse.SheandElididadduptoahappyfamily.Sheneededsomethingmore.

Whileshewasopentoadoptingachildorhavingmore,Benalsoseemedlikeagreataddition.Afamilyunitwasimportanttoher.Andshewasn’tsettlingforBen,hewashereandhelikedher.

“What’sthisbigsecretlifeyouhavetotellmeabout?”

Maggiewantedtocomeclean,tolethimknowhowshethoughtandwhatsheexperienced.Shehadalotof

apprehensionandfear,andsheneededBentoknowtherealher.Withherhandsinherlapandaquietvoicesheproceeded.

“Heregoes.Jackstartedseeingthingsbeforewegotmarried.”Bentwiddledhisthumbs.“Huh?”“Jackstartedtoseethingsthatotherpeopledon’t.”Bensatforward.“What

doyoumean?”

“ImeanJacksawghosts,demons,deadpeople,angels.”“What?Doesthedudehaveparanoiaorsomething?”“Couldbe,”sheoffered.“He’sneverbeendiagnosed.”“Didhehurtyou?”He

askedtensinghisjaw.Maggiepreparedherself.

“Yes,morethanonce.”Hecuppedherhands

fromacrossthetable.

“Maggie.Ihadnoidea.”Hereyeswelledup.“I’d

ratherjusttellyounow,thatthismaybewhatyouaredealingwithshouldwekeepseeingeachother.”Hisphonebuzzedagain.Helookedatthenumber.“Oh.”Hesmiled.“Badtiming,butIwassupposedtogetsomesaltformyauntandtakecareofthedriveway.Letmedropoffthebagsbeforeshegoestosleep,

I’llfreshenup,andthenIamcomingback.Isthatokaywithyou?”“I’dlikethat.”“I’msorrytocutyouoff,butI’drathertakecareofher,she’sbeensogoodtome.”AnxietyhadlongbeenasourceofadrenalineforMaggie.WaitingtoseeifBenactuallycamebackstartedheronthisemotionalmerrygoround.Whatifhe

didn’tcomeback,whatwouldshetellEli?MaggiepoppedaGabasupplementaftershewalkedBentothedoor.Shescribbledanoteandleftitonherbedroomdoor.TalkingaboutJackmadehernervous.ShecalledValawithherintothebathroomandsteppedintoasteaminghotshower.Maggieletthesudsrunoverhertiredskin.Afewmoreminutesof

blissandherworrieswouldwashdownthedrain.Shesqueezedtheconditioneroutofherhairandpattedherfacedry.IfBenhadnotreturnedsheplannedonsittingatthekitchentablewithherlaptop,maybeshecouldorganizeherunopenedmailandcatchuponthebillsthatshemissed.Butjustincasehehad,sheslippedonapairofyogapantsanddraped

alongsweateroverhershoulders.Uncertainoftheprotocolsheglossedherlipsandtoweleddriedherhair.Valafollowedheroutoftheroom.Thecrackleofthefireinthequitehousehelpedeasehertension.“Heythere,”Bensatupasshewalkedoutfromthebedroom.HewaslaiduponthecouchwiththeTVonsoftly.“Ihopeyoudon’tmindbutIbaggedupsome

garbagethatwasstrewnacrossthedriveway.Iwasn’tsurewhereValawassoIdidn’tputitinthegarage.”“Thankyoufordoingthat.”Shesawtheplasticbagtiedupbythedoor.Benreallywasathoughtfulguy.Withthatherheartopenedalittlewider.Maggiefeltapokeonher

shoulder.Shejumpedtowardthecenterofthebed,herpulseracing.HereyesflashedopentoseeElistandingthere.“HiMommy.”“Baby,don’tsneakuponmommylikethat.”“ButIdidn’t,youwerecallingme.”“Iwas?”Shepushedherhairback,itwaswet.Shemusthavebeendreaming.“Whattimeisit?

“It’safter8:00.That’swhatBensaid.”Ben?That’sright,theyhadthetalk.ShetoldhimaboutJackandheactuallystayedthenight.Sherecalledsomewineandfallingasleepinhisarms.Therestwasablur.ShelookedatEli’sfeet,noticingtheoversizedworkboots.ThankfulthatElididn’tfindBeninherroom,shereachedforherrobeand

dashedintothebathroom.“I’llbeoutinasecond.Didyoueatbreakfast?”“Yes,Bengotusdonuts.”“Thatwasniceofhim.”“Didhegetthekindyoulike?”“Yeah.Heletmepickoutthree.”Herthroattightened.“YouwenttothestorewithBen?”

“Uhhuh.”Hedashedbackupthehallwayandlefthertostew.HowcouldhetakeElioutwithoutherknowing?Whatwashethinking?Withheradrenalinepumping,shefollowedhimoutofthebedroomreadytogiveBenapieceofhermind.Valasatperchedonherbed,asifnothingwerewrong.Eliranaroundthelivingroomwithhistoys,

playingsuperhero.Benhadhisbacktoher,andallsheheardwasthejangleofhisspooninacoffeemug.Whatcouldhavebeenapleasantmorning,nowputheronedge.“Whatareyoudoing?”sheaskedthroughclenchedteeth,eyesheldnarrow.Heturnedtowardherwithagiantsmile.“Goodmorning.Didyougetsome

goodsleep?”Maggietightenedherrobe.Yes,shedid—Notthatitwashisbusiness.Sheignoredhisquestionandshotback,“WhydidyoutakeEliwithyou?”Ben’ssmileflattened.“Oh.Um,Ithoughtitwasbestifyougotsomesolidrest.Hewasupat6:15,soIthought,”hisvoicetrailedoff.“Wellyouthought

wrong!IfIwokeupanddidn’tseeBen,Iwouldhavethoughttheworst.Ithoughtyou’dunderstandthat,aftereverythingIsharedwithyou.”BythelookonBen’sface,Maggieknewherpointwassinkingin.Elitookofhismask.“Don’tyellatBenmommy.Iwantedtogowithhim.”Shesawasmudgeofcreaminhishairandknewhe

hadaBostoncreamdonutwithchocolateicing.ItwastooearlyforElitohaveallthatsugarandbesides,itwascompletelysenselessforanadulttotakesomeone’schildwithouttheirpermission.Bensethismugdown.“Whydon’tIletyouguyshaveapeacefulmorning.Wecanalwaystalklater.”Shewalkedtothefridgeandopenedittosurvey

whatshewantedforbreakfast.“Muchlater,”shesnapped.BenheadedtothedooraftergivingElianenthusiasticgoodbye.Thechildgavehimahighfiveandspunaround.Thenhecuppedhishandsoverhismouth,“SorryBen.Momgetsmoody.”Maggierolledhereyes.Yes,thereweretimeswhenheranxietyoverEli’ssafetywasabitmuch,but

whenEligotolderhewouldunderstand.Rightnow,shewantedherhouseback.Thisisexactlythekindofmisunderstandingthattoldhershewasnotreadyforarelationship,andmayneverbe.

CHAPTERSEVENTEENElihadaskedaboutBenthewholewaydownthemountain,hopinghewould

makeittotheplay.Maggietriedtododgehisquestions.ClairewaswaitinginthelobbywhenMaggiearrived;shelookedsostylishMaggiefeltantiquated.“Runninglatearewe?”“Honestly,boyscangetintosomuchtrouble?”“Whathappened?”Thetwogotinlineandtrailedtheotherparentsintotheauditorium.

“First,Klauscalled,somehowhemisplacedacontractIsavedonthecomputerandneededmetofindit.Next,Eli,whileIwasbusydoingthat,worehiscostumearoundthehouseandputaskidmarkinthedonkey’sknee.Lastly,whileIwassewingitatthekitchentable,IfoundanotethatEliwrotemethatmorning,whenhewentoutforbreakfast.Ihowever,jumpedto

conclusionsandyelledatBen.”Shepulledatherownlip.“Sonowhe’snotcoming,atleastIdon’texpecthimtoo.”TheprincipalintroducedtheKindergartenchoir,andfirstgradeclassintheirperformanceofBethlehem.ThelightsdimmedasMaggieshuffledherarmsoutofhercoat.Clairepoisedhercamera,whichtookincredibleshotsinlowlight.

Whenthecurtainopened,mostoftheclassstoodonrisers,singingasong.Thebackdrop,providedbytheartdepartment,wasofastarrynight.Astheysangaherdofshepherdsapproachedthestage.“Where’sEli?”Claireaskedassheleanedonhertiptoes.“Heplaysthedonkey.You’llsee.”Elihadexplainedhowthefirstgrader

whoplayedthepart,actuallystoodbesidehiminawayitlookedlikehewascarryingheronhisback.“Ican’tbelieveBenismissingthis,”Maggiesaidsadly.Clairelookedherway.“You’retheonewhowasmeantohim.”“WhatwasIsupposedtodo?Iwokeup,afterthebestnightssleepin

mylifeonlytofindoutthatBenhadtakenElioutofmyhomewithouttellingme.”“Exactly.Youhadthebestnightsleepofyourlife.YouneedtostopthinkingeveryoneislikeJack.Moveon.Trustsomeone.”Maggiehuffed.Shewastrying.Claireneededtostoppushingher.Attheendoftheplay,Eliliftedoffhis

facemaskandbeamedasmomandClairetookpictures.Hewavedhello,hishandwhippingbackandforthlikehesawSantainthebackoftheroom.Thechildrenweredismissedbyclasstobewiththeirfamilies.SomethingagainthatmadeMaggienervous.ButwhenEliboundedoffthestageandrantothebackherheartspedup.Benwasthere,intheback.

Eveninthedimlightshecouldtellitwashim.Herheartwarmed,butyetagainherguardwasup.ShedidnotwanttobemadeafoolofandshewantedsomeboundariesinhisrelationshiptoEli.Hecan’tjusttakeoffwithhimlikethat.BenpickedupEliandweavedthroughthecrowd.Claireelbowedherintheribs,“Lookstomelike

thiskidnapperofyourshasarealheart.”Maggiepulledhershouldersbackasthetwoapproached.“Didyouseememom.WasIgood?”“Youweresogood.Thebestanimalinthewholeplay.”ClairesaidhellotoBenandEliinterrupted.“Weshouldgohavehotchocolate.Myteachermadeussomebackstage.”

Claireduckedoutclaimingshehadalastminuteerrandtorun.BenleaneddowntoMaggie.“Itakeityouneverfoundournote?”Shesmileduncomfortably.“Idid,justafteryouleft.”Shewalkedalongsidehim.“Look,aftereverythingIexplained,Iwasjustexpectingalittlemorecautionandcourtesyonyour

side.Whatmaybecommonsensetomostpeopleisadifficultreachforme.IamonguardmostofthetimeandI’mlearningtotrustmore.”Shelookedathisgentleeyes.“Itmaytakeawhile.”Benputhisarmaroundher.“I’msorryIwasinsensitive.Ihopeit’sokaythatIcame.”WiththewayEliwashangingalloverBen,sheassuredhimitwas.

“MomcanIridehomewithBen?”Benshookhishead.“Nottonightbuddy.IhavetoheadbacktoDenver,justwantedtocomesayhi.”Eli’sshoulderscavedin.Benputhishandontheboy’shead.“It’sjusttilltomorrow.I’llcomeseeyouwhenIgetback.”“Okay.”

WhenMaggiepulledintothedrivewayshenoticedoneofherneighborswavingtheirarms.Shepulleduptowardthedrivewayandrolleddownherwindow.“Amountainlionhasbeenintheneighborhood.Keepyoureyesopen.”“Thankyou.Whospottedit?”“Noone.Mrs.VonEifferfoundpartofadeerinthebackyard.”

Maggiestiffened.ThemountainlionhadaclearshottoherbackyardfromtheVonEiffers.Shewasonalert.Sheheadeduptheroad,nowwithanotherthingonhermind.Thelastsightsheneededtocomeuponwasahalfeatendeerorwhateveranimaltheliondecidedtofeedon.Herhighbeamslituptheroadassheapproachedthehouse.Acollectionof

papershadblownagainstthehouse.Itwasn’tthefirsttimetheroguewindsdeliveredherneighborsrecyclingontoherproperty.SheopenedthegaragedoorandusheredEliintothehouse.Bravingthewindshepickedupthesparetrashandcradleditagainsther.Mostofitwasnewspaperadvertisementsthatmusthavebeenpickedupbythewind.Sheheardthetickleofatin

canasshescurriedalong.Reachingouttopickitup,sherecognizedthebrand.Herheartstopped.Maggieshotstraightupandlookedaround.ThatwasJack’sfavoritebeer.Theydidn’tsellthisbrandinColorado.ItwasfromabreweryinNewYork.Sheleftthecanwhereitlayandhurriedintothehouse.Maggiehurriedtotheblindsandclosedeach

one.ShecommandedValatosweepthehouseandthedogobeyed.ThesoftsnowsettledoverCascadebeforeMaggiewenttobed.HerinternetsearchoftheNYbrewerykeptheruppasttwoa.m..Somewhereafterthatshefellasleeponlytohaveanightmaresweepoverher.Thistime,itwasneardark.Maggiewasrunningonthat

loneroadwiththesoundofthetruckapproaching.Asshedodgedintotheforestsheheardafaintcry,thistimeitwasnotVala,norEli.Thevoicewasherown.HereyesflashedopenasthesoundoftheTVprickedherears.Eliwasawake.Shegrabbedhercellphoneandcheckedthetime.Itwasafter8:00.Elihadprobablyfedhimself,andifthegroundwasfrozen,he

wasnotgoingtoschool.BeforeMaggiecouldgetdressedthephonerang.ItwasMrs.Gablefromschool.Thefamilywasontheirwayuptoenjoythesleddinghills.

Shepulleduptheweatherapponherphoneandconfirmedthesnowfalluntillatemorning.Shewouldn’tmakeittoworkinweatherlikethis,Klaus’sdrivewaywouldbeplowedinandhewasnotthetypetodigitout.

Maggieknewshewouldbestressedtoday,soallowingElitogoplaymaybeagoodidea.“How’snoon?”

“Noonwouldbeperfect.Seeyouthere?”

Shehungupknowingexactlywhatshe’ddowiththefreetime.Thefirstthingshewasgoingtodoaftershegothomewassortthroughthatendlesspileofmail,billsandthepotentialclientsthathadfilledupherinbox.

Eligobbledupanearlylunch,washedhisfaceanddidwhateverelsemomhadasked,includingmakingthebedandtidinguphisroom.At11:50hewasreadytoheadout.Helumberedouttothecarwithhissledinhishand.Maggiewatchedashestruggledtogetitintothebackseat.Gosh,he’sgettingsobig.Withafinalgruntheclickedhisseatbeltandshouted,“Allsetmom!”She

pouredwaterintoVala’sbowlandshutthedoorbehindher.Pullingoutofthegarageshetooknotethatthesnowhadalreadybeguntodescend.Hermusicplayedastheydrovedownthestreet,MaggiecasuallylookedforBen’scar,shouldhehavereturnedearly.

“WillBenbecomingfordinner?”

Sheturnedthecorner.“Ihopesosweetheart.Youjust

playandhavefun.Keepyourhoodup,soyoudon’tbangyourhead.”

“Iwill.”ThewildlifeinColorado

wasspectacular.AllachildneededtodowasopenhiseyesandBears,deer,mountainlions,snowhares,foxesandgiantsquirrelscouldbeseen.“Eli,doyourememberthebabybearthatclimbedupthetreeatthelibrary?”

Eli’sfirstBearsightingwastheveryfirstweekendtheyvisitedthecity.Itwasawelcomesign.

Thecarhadbarelycometoastop,whenElijumpedoutofhisboosterseatandopenedthedoor.“Slowdown.”

“Sorrymom,I’mjustexcited.”

Shekeptthecarrunningastheflurriesdancedthroughtheparkinglot.Shemadea

thermosofhotchocolatetokeephimwarmandpackedasnackincasehegothungry.Inrealitythough,whatkidwasgoingtostophavingfuntoeat?Nofiveyearoldsheknew.Butstill,providingbasicsmadeherfeellikeagoodmother.

MaggieclosedthecardoorandwavedtoMrs.Gable.Shehadforgottenherfirstnameanddidn’twanttoask.Thesethingswere

alwayssosensitive.ElihadtakenoffandwasdragginghissledbehindhimashehurriedtowardThurston.

Mrs.Gablestoodbyhermini-vanunloadingheryoungest.

“Thankyoufortheinvite.Heneededthis.”

“Ohit’snoproblem.TheyaresohypedupforChristmasIfiguredthiswouldgetalittleenergyoutofthem.”

“Haveyoufinishedyourshopping?”

Maggieshookherhead,notexactly.“Welldon’tforgettobuyyourselfsomething.Mom’stypicallyloseout.”

“That’strue.”ShehuggedEliandkissedhimonhisrosycheek.“Begoodandlistentowhattheadultssay.Anddon’twanderoff.”

CHAPTEREIGHTEENPike’sPeakwasbreathtaking.Maggiehadtogetacloserlook.Shethrewonheroversizedcoat,theonewithdeeppockets,andwhistledforVala.Thetwo

headedoutsidejustasMaggiesortedthroughthemail.Anythinginterestingwasplacedinherpockettherestwouldbetrashedwhenshegotback.ValastayedinstrideasMaggiepocketedaletterfromNY,probablyaninvoiceasshewasstillpayingforherdivorce.TheonlyotherinterestingpiecewasasmallblueenvelopeaddressedtoEli.Itlookedlikeaparty

invitefromaschoolfriend,thepostmarkwasColoradoSprings.Sheknewhewouldwanttoopenitupwhenhegothome.Speakingofinvites,whatwasshegoingtodoforChristmas?MaybesheshouldjustaskBenifhewantedtocomebyChristmasEve;thatwouldopenuptheconversationforpossibilities.Infact,sincehewasstoppingbylater,shecouldaskhimto

comebakecookies.Shehadn’tmadetheminyearsandhermomhadawonderfulrecipe.MaggieswallowedhardwhensherememberedwhathappenedwhenJackcametohermother’s.Eliwasjustababy.SheandhermomwereinthekitchenkneadingthebatterandlaughingwhenJackwanderedin.Hehadbeendrinkingallday,nothinghard,justbeerafterbeer.

WhenhelookedatMaggie,sherecognizedthedarknessinhiseyes.Hisentirefacehadchanged,asifhisangerhadmorphedhimintoadifferentform.Heleanedupagainstthedoorwayandjustwatchedher.Maggiefelthiscoldstareasifhewerehuntingherinagame.“Jack,how’sworkgoing?Maggie’stoldmethatyou…,”“Doyourselfafavor

don’tlistentoawordshesays,”hesneered,thehatedrippingoffhislipsMaggie’sshoulder’stightened.Sheheldontothecounterashedrewnear.“You’realyinglittlesnake,aren’tyou?”Hemovedaroundherlikeaslitheringvenomousreptile.“Spreadingmorebullshittoyourownmother,likethetruebitchyouare.”

Hermotherspokeup.“Jack,whateveryouthoughtyouheard,”“Getyourcoat,weareleaving.”Maggiecomposedherself.Shehadbeentellinghermomaboutthechangesinhispersonalityandhowquicklytheycame.Butsheneverimaginedthistypeofdisplay.Shewascompletelyembarrassed.“She’snotgoing

anywhereuntilyoucalmdown.”Hermothersteppedbetweenthetwo.JackslammedhisfistsonthecounterbesideMaggie.“It’sallrightmom.Wehavealongdriveaheadofustoday.”Hermotherstoodtherewithalookofshock.“Butwehaven’tevenhadChristmasdinner.”“Anothertime,”shesighed.Maggie’scomposure

wasstoicandmethodic,asshehadlearnedtobe.Shehadrevisitedthatepisodeonlyonceduringagroupsessionatawomen’sshelter.WheneversheenvisionedstandinguptoJackshealsoforesawhisreaction.Eveninhersleep,shewrestledwithhim.Valastoppedandstaredintothewoods.Maggietookafewstepsbefore

realizingshehaddaydreamedtoChristmaspast.Thewoodsweresilent—aneeriesilent,likeinherdream.Sheclosedhereyes,puttingherfaithentirelyinVala.Shelistenedtotheclankoftherandombirchbranchesastheymingledinthesoftwind.Thesnowhadstoppedfallinganhourearlier,leavingonlyadustingbythehouse.Asshestoodintheforest,shebreathedout

slowly,exhalinganyfearthatherpasthadbroughtuponher.Twomoredeepbreathsandshewasalmostclearofit.JustthenaBlackhawkliftedoffabranch,cawingitswayacrossthewoods.Maggiejolted.Thesurprisecaughtheroffguardandherpulseheightened.Hypervigilanceornot,whatcausedhertobesobravetowalkthisfar?Sheputthemailbackinherpocketandtrudgeduphill.

Whenthehousecameintoview,Maggiesurveyedthebackyard.Snowhadgatheredaroundthepostsofherneighbor’sfence.Elilovedtosleddownthehillbutafterthreeorfourruns,Maggiewasusuallyexhaustedfromtheincline.Thealtitudewasover9300feet,sotheairwasthin.Whenshehadenough,shewouldheadinsideandwatchfromthebasementdoororsit

outsidebeneaththesecondfloorporch.Benhowever,wouldhaveablastwithEli.Shesmiledatthethoughtofthemhangingoutmore.ElineededarolemodelandthefactthatshetrustedBenmadehimallthemoreperfectforthejob.Withagrinpaintedacrossherface,shestampedherfeetonthebasementmatandpreparedtounlockthedoor.Thewindpickedupand

Maggieheardtherattleofaluminum.Shesawacrushedanothercanof404beertogglingbetweenachairandtheoutdoorbinwhereElikepthistoys.Withlightningspeedsherantothefrontofthehouseandopenedthegaragedoor.Sherippedoffthetrashcanlid,anddugthroughthegarbagetothedebrisBenpickeduptwonightsago.Thereitwas.Andentirepack

ofbeercans.ShehauledthegarbagetothecurbanddialedBen.Herhandswereshaking.ShepacedbackandforthwithValabyherside.HerthoughtwanderedtoEli,hadJackfollowedhertothesleddinghillwashetherewithEli?Sheraninsidethehousetogetherwalletandkeys.Rushingthroughthekitchensheswipedthemailoffthecounterandsearchedforthemanilaenvelopefrom

herattorney.Shetoreitopen,realizingitwasnotaninvoice.Scanningtheletter,shereadtheopeningsentence,MaggieitiswithgreatregretIwritetoinformyouthatyourex-husbandJackhasbeenreleasedfromprison.Theletterfelltothefloorasshewhippedaroundandstormedouttothecar.Ben’svoicemailpickedup,andshesentan

emergencytext.Withhereyesontheroadshespedtowardtown,prayingEliwassafe.ShecalledThurston’sparents,butnooneanswered.Poundingherfistsonthesteeringwheel,shelaidonthehornandswervedaroundoncomingtraffic.MaggieflewupthepassandtookarightintownasshezoomedfartheruptowardsPike’sPeak.Twomilesandtheturnofftothe

parkwouldemerge.SheprayedloudlyaskingGodtoprotectherson.Shedarednotcallagain,thenthephonerang.ItwasBen.Shepressedtalkandwastoofrantictoexplainwhatwashappening.“Ben!”“What’sthematter?”Hertearsblurredhervision.“Jack’sout.Hegotout.He’shere.”“Maggie,areyousure?”heaskedindisbelief.

“Yes,myattorneynotifiedmetoday.”

Sheslammedonthehornandpassedadeliverytruckintheslowlane.

“I’monmyway.”Maggietossedthephone

tothepassengerseatandpulledintothepark.Shescannedtheparkinglotforthemaroonminivan,butmostofthelotclearedout.Wherewerethey?Maggietriednotthepanic.Hadshemissed

theircall?Sheranoutofthecar

yellinghisname.Sherusheddownthehill,passingtheremainingsledders,askinganyoneiftheyhadseenalittleboyinabluejacket.

Sheshoutedoverandover,“Eli,Eli.Eliwhereareyou?”

Someparentsheadedherwaybutnoonehadseenhim.SheaskedaboutThurstonandthefamilyhewaswith.But

nooneknewanything.Shespunaroundandheadedbackupthehill.

Thepeakwascloudedoverwiththesnowstorm.Theroadswouldgeticyinlessthananhour.Shespedoutofthelot,andracedintotown.SheredialedBen,thoughherfingersbarelydialed.Sheshoutedintothephone.“Eli’snotthere.He’snotthere.Hevanished.”

“Maggiebreathe.Where

areyou?”Hedidhisbesttocalmher.

“I’matSkyviewPark.Eliwasinvitedtogosledding.Idroppedhimoffatnoon.”

“Didyoucalltheparents?”

“Yes,Icalled.I’vebeencalling.Nooneisanswering.”

Maggiecametothelight.Asthesnowstartedtothicken.Herwiperswashed

awaythesnowasherdefrostwarmedthewindow.“PleaseGod,helpmefindmyson.”

CHAPTERNINETEENThepolicearrivedat

Maggie’shomeinunderfiveminutes.AdetectivefromtheSpringshadalreadybeennotifiedofherex-husbandsreleaseandMaggie’slawyerwasdoingeverythinghecouldtopullsomestrings.

Thedrivewaylooked

likeacrimesceneasBenconsoledMaggie.Hestartedafireandkeptherwarmwhilethepolicetrackedtheyardandusedtheirdogs.Valastayedperchedbythewindowbehindthekitchentable.AnofficerfromtheSpringswasgoingtotheThurston’shometoseeiftheboywaswiththefamilyandtherewassomesortofmisunderstanding.Untilthatwasruledouttherewas

nothingtodobutwait.Maggiekepthereyeson

Vala.Thedognevermadeeyecontact,shejustwatchedasthemenscouredthepropertyandtraipsedthroughthewoods.Shewastheonlyonewhoknewwhatactuallyhappenedaroundthehouse.She’dknowifJackwasthere.

“Doyouthinkshe’sseenhim?”

Withlipstrembling,MaggielookedatBen.“I’m

afraidtoanswerthat.Becauseifshehas,itmeanshe’sbeenhere,tomyhouse.Thenthisisnotanightmare,it’sreal.Andmysonmaybegoneforever.”

Heleanedoverandheldheragainsthimasshesobbedslowlyintohischest.Thedispatchradiokeptclickingasthedetectivemadehiswaythroughthehouse.Hehadtakendownthenumbertotheschool,teachers,playdates,

anyonewhomighthaveseenEliorhadcontactwithhisdad.

Theneighborsstartedgatheringinthestreet,thephonekeptringing.Clairecalledtwice,hertextsnowbuzzingineveryfiveminutes.“Haveyoufoundhim?”

Maggiechuckedherphoneacrosstheroom.“Wherearethey?”shescreamed.

DetectiveBrantstoodbeforeMaggie.“We’vesweptyourcomputerandthere’snotraceofabug.”

Shenodded.“Andyou’resureyouhavekeptoffallsocialmedia,there’snowayhecouldfindyou?”

“I’vebeenverycareful.Thiswasplanned,Iknewwhattodo.”

“Whataboutfriendsorrelatives.”

“No.Nooneknowswhereweare.Notevenmymother.”

“You’veseenthemoviesMaggie.Hecantrackanything.Anoiseinthebackground,adiscussionabouttheweather.Carrecords,taxes,anemail.”

“No.Iclosedeverything.”

Beninterrupted.“Whataboutyourpublisher?Isn’tsomeoneinaccountingstill

sendingyouacheck?”“Yes,buttheyknownot

togivehimanyinformation.Hemaynothavecalledthem,statinghewasyourhusband.Heprobablyhadanaliasandawellthoughtoutplan.”

Maggie’sheadhurt.“Look,Idon’tseehowanyofthisisgoingtohelpmegetmyboyback.”

MaggiepickedupherphoneanddialedThurston’sparentsagain.Asshe

thumbedoverherphone’sscreen,shelookedatthephoto.ShehadcancelledJack’screditcards,andevencloseddownheroldaccounts.Shedidallofhershoppinglocally,andpaidcash.Shethoughtsheleftnotrace.Butwait,sherecentlyorderedphotosandhadthemsenttohermom.Jackknewwhichcompanysheused.Thatwastheconnection.

Maggiewasfrazzled,everynerveseemedtobeonalertandBenwasheronlyreasonfornotcompletelylosingit.

DetectiveBranthadbeenonthephonewithherattorney.WithMaggie’sneedtoconstantlychangeherphonenumber;herattorneyhadbeenunabletocontacther,otherthanmailregardingJack’srelease.Fortunately,hewasabletogivethe

locationanddateofJack’sdischarge,sotheofficer’scouldbuildacase.

Maggiesatonthecouchstaringatthesmolderingfire.Benrubbedherback,tryingtocomforther.Hervoicewasweakandhereyesred.“Whyisthishappening?Whereishe?”

AnofficerspokewiththedetectiveinhushedtonesandthetwoapproachedMaggie.Herthroatknotted

up,infearofwhattheyfound.ShelookedupatDetectiveBrantashespoke.“Therewasahalfempty404cansittingoutsideEli’sporch.Wefoundasecondone,crackedopen,butfullbythefrontdoor.”Maggiebegantoshake.“No.Pleasedon’ttellmehewashere.”“Therearefootprints

matchingtheone’swefoundinthesnow,leadingthrough

thewoods,downthehill.”“Downthehill?”Ben

seemedshocked.“ButIlivedownthehill.Ihavedogs,theywouldhavefoundsomething.”

ThepoliceofficertookonelookatBen’sfeetandasked,“Whatsizeshoedoyouwear?”

“Atwelve.”“MayIseethesolesof

yourshoes?”Heliftedthemup,

muddysolesandall.“Thankyou.”Maggielookedatthecop

likehewascrazy.“I’msorryma’am,butwiththetracksinthebackyard,youneverknowwhomaybeouttogetyou.”

ShelookedupatBen,frightenedbythenewpossibilitythathehaddonethistoher.Washetheoneplayinggameswithher?Shepulledawayfromhimasherstomachswelledinfear.Who

couldshetrust?Shenoddedatthe

detectiveandbentforward.Bencouldn’tbetheoneresponsibleforallthis.Itwasjusthermindplayingtricksonher.Hewasthereforherallalong;withthemissingwood,themall.Thenagain,thatmayprovethathewasalwaysattherightplaceattherighttime.Thatcouldn’tbeacoincidence.

“Maggie,Ineedtoask

youmorequestionsaboutyourex-husband.”“Whatkindofquestions?”

“Wejustwanttobesurethatwecanprotectyouthebestwaypossible.Ifyouthinkhe’scomingforElithenweneedtoinformyourson’sschoolandanycaregivers.You’rebosswillneedtoknow,andperhapstheneighborssotheycankeepalookout.Isthereanything

thatmighthelpustorecognizeorlearnmoreabouthim;shouldhebeinthearea.”

Theyalreadyhadhisarrestphoto,butotherthanthat,shegavethemhistattoodescriptionsandalistofscarsonhishead,whichhekeptshaved.

“Ifheweretocomelookingforyou,wouldheharmyou?Isheafteryourson?”

Maggie’sthroatnearlyclosed.Wasn’tthatthewholereasontheywerehere,toprotecther.OfcourseJackwantedtohurther.Sheturnedhimin.

Shedroppedherheadintoherhandsandletthetearsflow.“Thiscan’tbehappening.Hewasherejustafewhoursago.”

“Maggieifyou’resonisinanydanger,wewillfindhim.Wecanhavelookouts

atallthebordercheckpoints.IneedtoknowifEliwouldrecognizeJack,ashisfather?”

Shehadworriedaboutthatbuthowcouldshebesure?IthadbeenthreeyearssinceJacklaideyesoneitheroneofthem.Shehadchangedherhair,lostalittleweightandEliwasbiggernow.Hewasafriendlykid,butheknewbetterthantogooffwithstrangers.She’dtrained

himtouseapassword,andshehadtoldhimhisdaddydied.“Idon’tthinkso.”

Thedetectivemadeeyecontact.“NowIknowthisisgoingtobehard,buttrytomakethingslookasnormalaspossible,incaseheiswatchingyou.Fearenticesthesekindsofbehavior.It’sbesttonotlookrattled.”

Maggieshookherhead.Benwalkedaway.“I’mgoingtomakeus

somethingtoeat.”Normallyhispresenceputherateasebutrightnow,shefeltviolated,controlledandscared.Thehourslaggedonaseverypossiblescenarioplayedoutinhermind.Jackwasn’toneforcreaturecomforts.Hewasasurvivalist.Forallsheknew,hecouldkeepElipennedupinthewoodsinsomemakeshiftshackandbeliving

offtheland.DetectiveBranttookaphonecallandMaggielookedoutthewindow.Shelettheheatfromherteatrytobringhercomfort,buthersonwasmissing.Whatcomfortwasthere?“Isee.Thankyou.”Sheturnedhereyesbackhisway,becausehercuriositywasstillhopefulthatEliwasnotmissingbutjustmisplaced.

“GoodnewsMs.Burke.TheHolland’shadtakenthekidsforfoodwhentheweatherworsened.OneofyourneighborswasatthesamerestaurantandtheytookElihome.”“Aneighbor,whichneighbor?”Maggiestoodup,“Who?”sheshouted.Infuriatedshechargedtothedoor.“Wedon’thavethatnamebutMrs.GablesaidEli

wasplayingwiththeirkids,whentheparentsapproachedandaskedforyou.”Benbegandialingtheneighbors.“Checkyourphone.Someoneclosebyhashim,theyprobablyofferedtotakehimhomebecauseofthestorm.”Maggie’smindspun.“Maybe,butwhatifitwasJack,andheplayingthepart?Whatifhehashim?”“Ms.Burke,your

sonisgoingtobefine.Mrs.GableclearlysaidEliwasplayingwiththeirchildren.Heknewthem.Shesaidshetriedtocallyouandsaidthatshesentafewtexts.”Maggiedartedtowardthecouchandretrievedherphone.Therewere22newtexts,shescrolledthroughthelist,“Idon’tseeit,”shecriedasshelookedtoBenforhope.“There’snothinghere.”

Shetriedagainandfinallyspottedthewordmomontheeighthmessage.Itread,theHolland’sinvitedmetowatchamovie.CanIstay?“He’sattheHolland’s.”Shecheckedthemessageagain.Thetextwassentat4:54.Itwasnow5:50pm.Maggiegrabbedhercoatandheadedtothedoor.

EliwascurleduponthefloorwiththeHollandboyswatchingamovie.Maggiefelthernervessurginguplikewaveoftension.Sheforcedherselftoremaincalmandnottipofftheneighborsastoherdistress.Shehadmissedtheircall;thatwasit.“Thankyousomuchforbringinghimbackinthisweather.”“Withthestorm

comingin,youknowhowpeopledownthemountainare,theypanic.Guessthefamilywantedtogethomebeforetheheavystuffsettledin.”Shereadtheuneaseintheirfaces,perhapsitwasbecausethepolicehadgonedoortodoor.Anyconcernedparentwouldhavecalledthepolice.Mrs.HollandlookedatMaggie,hereyesfilledwithanxietyassherattledoff

herideaofanexplanation,“Elisortofattachedhimselftotheboys.Wethoughtthere’dbenoharm.Butyoudidn’tansweryourphone.Bytimewedrovebyyourhouse,nocarswerethere.”Maggiedidn’twanttotellthemthatsheparkedinthegaragelikeanormalperson.Shesimplyaskedforhiscoatandwalkedoutintothesnow.

Maggiehadbeensittingatthetableforanhour.EliwasrunningaroundwithBenasifnothinghadhappened,yetitdid.TheemotionsofalmostlosinghersonhadtriggeredMaggieintoanemotionalwhirlwind.SheneededClaire.Shecouldtalksomesenseintoher.

“Maggie.”ShelookedupasClaire

rushedinsideandrantoward

her,“OhmyGod.”Thetwoembracedas

Maggieletherguarddown.Herfearsseepedoutasshehuggedhertight.Clairetookherhands.“It’sgonnabealright.Wearenotgoingtoletthatjerktouchyou.”

MaggiecalledforVala.Thedoglookedupfromherbed,“Here.”

Shewalkedeverslowlytowardhermaster.Maggiepetherheadslowly,looking

intohereyes.“Whathappenedtodaygirl?Didyouknowhewashere?”

Shesmiledandtriedtoholdbackhertears.Shehadcomesofarinherrecovery.Whynow?WhywouldGodallowJacktogetthisclose?WhydidshemeetBenifJackwasgoingtoterrifyheralloveragain?SheandElineededstabilityandthatincludedBen,hebroughtthatintoherlife.Andshe

remindedherselfnottoforgetiteither.

Sheexcusedherselffromthetableandwithdrewtoherbedroom.Afteragoodcry,Maggiewrappedherselfupinthecomforter.Nighthadcomeandshehadnoideaifshewouldfallasleepornot.Worryingwouldonlymakeitworse,soshebreathedindeepandtriedtotrustinthosearoundher.Godknewwhathewasdoing.Nowit

wastimethatsheneededtodoherpart.

Itseemedlikeagoodtimetoreviewherjournal.Shereachedforthecompositionbookandreturnedtothelastentry.Thereinblueinkwasherdream,theonewhereValagetsshot,inthewoods.Sheunderstooditnow.Hersubconsciousplayeditoutalready.Jackwasout,hewascomingforher,andsomeone

wasgoingtodie.Herdreamswerenever

wrong.Maybeshecouldpack

upherthingsandrun?Thatwouldcertainlykeepthemsafe.Thenagain,ifsheran,shewasalsoleavingtheprotectionshebuiltaroundher.Shehadthepolice,theshelter,thedog.Jackwasclosingin,therewasachancetheywouldcatchhim.Andwhileshewasstillafraid,she

wasnotasfrailassheoncewas.Hewasnotinvincible.He’dmakeamistakeandtheywouldfindhim.Shehadtoremindherselfofthat.Dr.Gibbonstoldhernumeroustimes.Heisjustaman,buthowyouportrayhimdictatesyourresponses.Thoseresponsescontrolyourthoughtsandemotions.WhenyoudealwithJack,youmustchoosetocontrolwhereyourthoughtsandreactionsgo.

Takehimoffhispedestal,heisnotevilincarnate.Hehasabody,blood,needs,andfearsofhisown.Heishuman.

Therewasn’tmuchaboutJackthatseemedhuman.Shearguedthatone.Butthedoctorwasright.Itwasallabouthowsheperceivedhim.Andifshewasafraid,he’dfeedonit.Hewasafterhersubmission.SheneededtostaystrongandnotteachElitobeafraidofamaneither.

ShefoldedherhandsandthankedGodforsanity.ShehadtostopthinkingaboutJackthewayshedidforthepastdecade.Withhandstogethershesaidaquickprayertoputherintherightmindframe.

Theboysweresprawledoutonthefloorplayingchess.Asighttobeseen.Maggiewalkedovertothem,alittlemorewobblythan

expected.“ThinkI’mgonnatakeabath.”

“Gorightahead,”Ben’seyesweresoftandcaring.Elilaytummytownwithhishandsholdinguphischin.Whenitwashisturntomovehereachupandmovedhispawn.“That’sagoodone,isn’titBen.”

“Itisbuddy.Youmaywinthisone.”

Hesmiledlikeakidatacampfire.

ThedoorbellrangandMaggie’sheartleapt.Benlookedoutthewindow.“It’sallright.It’sjustthedetective.”

ElirantothedoorandsalutedMr.Brant,asifhewereaMarine.

ThemansmiledandpattedElionthehead.“Maywespeakinprivate?”Heasked.

Maggieclutchedhershoulders.“Anythingyou

havetosaycanbesaidinfrontofBen.”

“Iwasreferringtoanadultonlyconversation.”HesaidlookingtowardEli.

ShesettledEliintohisroomandturnedonamovie.He’ddoanythingsheaskedifhegottowatchamovie.ShesetupaTVtrayandputadrinkandsomepopcorninabowl.Thatshouldbeenoughtoputhimtosleep.Benhadpouredheracupofcoffee

andthethreesatatthekitchentable.“NowIdon’twanttoalarmyoubutyouneedtoknowthatasecuritycameraatyourson’sschoolshowssomesuspiciousactivityneartheplayground.Thelocalprecincthadacalltwodaysagothattherewasaperpetratorparkedneartheschool.”

“Whattimeofday?”Heflippedopenhispad

ofpaper.“Thecallcameinat

11:52am.”Maggiebegantoshake.

“That’swhenKindergartengoesoutside.”

Benputhishandonhers.“Isthereanythingelseyouarenottellingus?”

“No.ButIsuggestyoufolkssittightandletusdoourjob.Weshouldknowmorebythemorning.”

“Hemaybreakinbeforemorning.Shouldweleave?”

“Youareunder

surveillanceMaggie.Thisisthesafestplace.”

Sheshookherheadyes,buteverynerveinherbodytoldherJackwascoming.

CHAPTERTWENTY

Mostofthetimeshe

worriedaboutJackfindingherinthehousewhichiswhysheinvestedinVala,butthatwasnolongerthecase.Hecouldbewatchingher,learningherschedule.Hecouldbreakinwhenshewasnothome,hecouldgotothe

school,hemayevenknowwheresheworked.

Maggie’sthoughtswanderedbacktotheirlastmonthbeforeJack’sarrest.Itwasabittercoldday,notnormalforNewYork.Shehadwalkedtothebackoftheyardtoseeiftherewasanyfirewoodforthehouse.Theyhadn’tusedthefireplaceinoverayearbutshethoughtitwouldbenicetowarmupthehomewithacracklingfire.

Jackmusthavecomehomewhileshewasoutback.Sheturnedaroundandsawhimstaringatherfromthewalkwaybythebackdoor.Hedidn’tmakehispresenceknown.

Maggiedroppedthewoodandclutchedherchest.“Jack,youscaredme.”

Heneverapologized,heonlystared.Shescoopedupthewood,knowinghewouldnothelpher.Hiseyeswere

coldanddark,hisskinlookedextrapale.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Heasked.

Shesmiled,notingtheflattoneinhisvoice.“Eli’scominghomesoon.Iamwarmingupthehouse.”

ShemovedtowardthedoorbutJackblockedherentry.Heyankedthewoodfromherarms.Theblocksfelltotheground,twobangingupagainstherleg.

“Noyou’renot.”“Jack,comeon,letme

goinside,it’sfreezing.”Hisheadtiltedlikeadog

decipheringwhatheheard.“You’llburnhim.AndIwon’tletyou.”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?You’retheonewhoholdshimbythefire,”shearguedasshereachedforthewood.

Hesmackedherarmdown,withonehand.

“Jackthathurt.”“You’renotgoing

anywherenearmyson.”Maggie’sfear

heightened.Whatwashappening?

Hisheadtiltedagainashestaredather.“You’reexpectingsomeonearen’tyou?”

Hisfingerswerenowaninchfromherface.“Admitit,you’vebeensneakingaroundonme.”

Herheadshook,“NoJack.Never.”

Hegrippedherchinandmovedherheadsidetoside.Tearswelledupinhereyes.“No.NotmyMaggie.”Hetouchedherhair.“You’dneverdothattome.Becauseifyoudid,”henowcaressedhercheek,“Eliwouldlosehismother.Andyouwouldn’twantthat.”

Suddenlythesuspicionwasgoneandhebackedup.

Maggiehowever,hadtightenedeverymuscleinherbody.Onlywhenheenteredthehome,wassheabletobreathe.Maggietookthekeysoutofherpocketandrantothecar.Shebrokedownsobbingassheleftthedriveway.Thatwasalmostfouryearsago.

Thefollowingmorningwaswhenshemadethecalltoanabusehotline.Shehadseenaflieratthelibrary

whenshetookElithereforatoddlersmeet-up.Thefaceonthebrochuremirroredthewayshefeltthoughshe’dneversayit.

Thethresholdfortensionhadrisenhigherandhighertothepointofdrowning.ShewasconstantlywatchingtheclockwaitingforJacktocomehome,onlytosecondguesshiseverymove.Shetriedtostayonestepaheadofhismood.Eachhourof

anxietymountedupuntilshewasabouttoexplode.

Manynights,sheretreatedtoEli’sroom,astonotwakethebeast.Jackwasflippinginandoutofconsciousstatesashesleptandsheknewbetterthantowakehim.TherewereconsequencesforsleepinginEli’sroom,butsheknewwhatthosewere.WakingJackupwasthelesseroftwoevils.

Shehadn’tthoughtaboutthatfatefilledphonecallsincethemorningshefirstcalledforhelp.Shedialedthewrongnumberthefirsttwotries.Herhandsshookuncontrollably.SheloggedthenumberinhercellasLibrary,soJackwouldn’tsuspect.Shestoodonthefrontstoopasthephonerang,untilshegotupthenervetospeak.

Thephonewobbledas

sheshookinfear.WhenthewomanansweredMaggie’stonguefeltliketar.“ThisisSafeHaven,areyouinasafeplacetotalk?”“Yes,Iam,”Maggiemumbled,realitysuddenlyhithome.“HowcanIhelpyou?”“HiUm,I’mcallingto

askaquestion.Idon’tknowforsure,butIthinkImaybeinaDomesticViolencesituation.”

Thewomanwasverycalm,“Whatmakesyouthinkthatyouare?”

Maggiepaused.“Well,Iamveryafraidofmyhusband.”

Thewomanspokeclearandcalmly.“Hashethreatenedyoudirectly?”

“Um,yesbutnottoday,”Maggiewasquicklylosinghernerve.

“Areyouafraidthathemighthurtyouoryour

children?”“Well,I’mnotsure.Somethingisdefinitelywrongwithhim.Idon’tthinkhewouldhurtus.Heisveryangrythough.”

“Ma’amwouldyouliketocomeintotheshelter?”

Maggieshookherheadasifthewomancouldseeher.“No.No,that’snotnecessary.”

“Doyouhaveaplaceyoucango,togetawayfrom

him?”Againsheshookher

head,“YesIdo.”Hermotherlivedonly

twohoursawaybutMaggiecouldmakethedrive.Shequestionedherownsanity.DoIreallyneedtodothat?Jackisangrybuthewouldn’thurtEli.

“Ma’amyoucalledus.”

Maggiepanickedandhungup.Shelookedatthe

phoneasifitwereherenemy.Whathadshejustdone?Abarrageofemotionchokedhereverymove.Herfeetfeltlikeleadandhervoiceseemedvacant.Whywassheafraidtogohome?Whatwaswrong?

Shesavedthenumberbutshedeleteditfromhercalllog;thenshewipedhereyesandwalkedhome,terrifiedthatshemightactuallyleaveJack.

Muchofthenightwentbylikeablur.Benpouredheradrinktohelphersettledown.HealsoputElitobedandletMaggierunherbath.Theheatdrewthebloodfromherhead,makingherthoughtsslowdown.Shedidn’twanttosleepalonethatnight,andpreferredthatElibemovedtoherroom.Butfornow,sheneededanotherglassofwine.

Thealtitudeaffectedherdrinking.Itnormallytookabottleofwinetotaketheedgeoff,nowMaggiecouldaccomplishthatwithtwoglasses.Shesatupinthetubandlookedaround.Shemusthavenoddedoffforabitinthetub,butthatwasusual.Whenthewatercooledorasoundalertedher,shewouldwakeup,slightlystartledandthendrainthetub.

Thewinemadeherdo

strangethings—butthatcouldbeagoodthing.Sheneededabreakinherroutine;thesameroutinesheputinplacetomaintainorderandcontrol.

Thelightsweredimassheenteredthekitchen.ThefirelightilluminatedthelivingroomwhereBenreclinedonthecouch.Sheopenedthefridge,notsureifshewantedtogotosleeporenjoyhiscompany.

“Whendidhefallasleep?”

“Overhalfanhourago,”Benwhispered.Maggiecurledupbesidehim.“Imusthavefallenasleep.”

Benputhisarmaroundherandsheeasedherheaduponhisshoulder.

Theroarfromthefirebillowedofftheglass.Togethertheywatchedthe

flamesdanceagainstthe

window.Whatwouldtomorrowbring?Maggiedidn’twanttothinkaboutit.Shewasemotionallyexhaustedandneededtorecharge.

ShebreathedinawhiffofBen’scologne.Thepineyscentarousedhersenses,pushingawayherfears.Hishandswerewarmastheypressedagainhershoulder.Shecouldhearhisstrongheartpulseonebeatatatime.

Sheagain,breatheddeep,waitingforthestresstomeltaway.

Ben’shandsmoveduphershoulderstoherhair.Hecaressedthetopsofherhead.Shenestledcloseruntileverycareforherfuturedriftedaway.

Switchingvehiclesseemedlikeagoodidea.BenhadparkedinhergarageandMaggieloadedupEliinhistruck,hopingtoventureout

asshewasurged.ThestormhadpassedandDetectiveBrantcalledthatmorningtotellherthatthemanonsecuritycameraoutsideEli’sschoolwasnotJack.Itwastheolderbrotherofoneofthestudents,whojustreturnedfromIraq,hewantedtosurprisehislittlesisters,whowereinfourthgrade.

Thatpieceofnewsbroughtdownheranxiety,thatandthewinethatwas

workingitswayoutofhersystem.

BenremindedhertohaveanormaldayandbringEliwithherwherevershewent.Thehousewasundersurveillanceandshehadtopretendeverythingwasbacktonormal.Whenheleftforworkthatmorning,hekissedMaggieontheforehead.Hespentthenightinherroom,withElisprawledoutbetweenthem.

Shewokeupinthemiddleofthenightandslippedoutofbed.Eveninaninducedstate,hernightpanicattackswerestillinfullswing.Sherarelysleptthroughthem.MaggiecurledupbesideValaandrubbedherheaduntilthefireembersburnedout.That’swhenthehousegrewsilent.Everyfewminutesshe’dlookoutthebackwindow,wonderingifJackwereoutthere.Ifhe

was,itwasjustamatteroftimebeforehe’dgetinside.Andthenwhat?WouldValarespondthewayshewastrained?MaybeMaggieputtoomuchfaithinherandshouldhavetakenself-defense?

ShebuckledEliinhisboosterseatandturneduptheheat.

“Wherearewegoingmomma?”

“Wearegoingtosee

Mommy’sboss.”“Cwaus?”Heaskedina

sillyaccent.Shesmirked.“Yes,

honey.Doyouwanttoseethedogs?”

MaggierealizedthatifJackweretailingher,thiswasthelastplacehe’dwanttogo.Thenmaybehe’dleaveheralone.

Adjustingherrearviewmirror,shebackedup.

Itfeltgoodtogetouton

theroadandhaveherboybesideher.

“Whatchyagottherebuddy?”

Eliplayedwithatoyinthebackseat.“Itcameinmylunchboxyesterday.Isn’thecool?”

Thetoyresembledthelatestmonstermoviecraze.Sheneverunderstoodwhatthepointofcrossmarketingwas.EveryonehadaTVthesedays.Perhapsgiving

kidsaneducationaltoyorsomethingtheycoulduse,wouldbemorebeneficial.Eitherway,Eliwasfascinatedwithitanditkepthimquiet.

Onthewaythere,Maggiepulledthroughtown.Thewindshieldwasfoggingup,somethingBenwouldneedtofix.Atthelightsheusedaragandwipeddowntheinterior.Shewipedoffthecondensationasthecross

walkturnedgreen.Theshadowofapedestriancaughtherattentionashewalkedby.Elizoomedhistoythroughtheairasthetickofherblinkermadetimestandstill.

Shewatchedasthemanlumberedacrossthestreet,headdownastonotbenoticed.Hewasadarkfigurewearingahoodedjacketandblackcargopants.Itwasthesamemanshesawoutsidethe

coffeeshoptwoweeksago.“Green”Eliyelledasthe

lightturned.Maggiestalledatthe

light,obliviousastowhereshewasgoing.

“Gomomma,”Eliurged.Maggietorethroughthe

lightheadingtowardthecompound.Wasthathim?Shecouldn’tfollowthemanashewalkedawayfromtown,whichwascrazy.Noonewalkeddownthe

mountain,therewasnothingforeightmiles.

Shedidherbreathingexercisesandcalmeddown.ThiswasnotthefirsttimeshethoughtshespottedJack.JustbeforeChristmaslastyearawaveoffearandpanicandsweptoverherassheroundedtheaisleattheFranklinCountryStore.Shelookedaroundbutsawnoone.Stillsherecognizedthefeeling;itwasherlonglostfriend,who

onceguardedher.Shebrushedherhairbackandpushedthecartalong.

Therowofornamentshadboxesofbulbs,redbows,candycanes,andgarlandeverythingacountrystorewouldhave,asitmasqueradedasaholidaysupercenter.

“Noneofthisisappealing,”shemumbledasshetossedaboxbackontotheshelf.

Thenapalemanwithroughskinwalkeduptothecounter.Hecuppedhishandsoverhismouth,andblew.“Istherearestroominhere?”

Maggiewhippedaround.Sheknewthatvoice.Shebentdown,hereyesgluedtothemanashesailedtowardthebackofthestore.Sheheadedforthedoorwithoutimpulse.Withherkeysinhandsheboltedtohercarandlockedthedoor.Peelingoutshe

headedintotraffic,shedoubtedJacksawher.

Maggieturnedintothepolicestationandlefthercarrunning.SheusedherlimiteddataplantopulluptheprisonwhereJackwasservingtime.Shewassonervousshecouldn’ttypeinhisinmatenumber.Eversincethen,shelettheattorneyhandleit.

Shewasnotgoingtoembarrassherselfbybargingintothepolicestation.She

neededtoletthemdotheirjob.Besides,shehadnoproofitwasJack.Evenifitwas,sheneededtorememberwhosheasdealingwith.He’dbeonestepaheadofthematalltimes.

Elihoppedoutofthecar

andrantothekennels.“Waitforme,”Maggieyelledaspanicfilledher.WhilethiswasthelastplaceshesuspectedJacktoshowup,

Maggiewasonhighalert.Theplacewasdesolate.

Somedogswerebarking,othersstandingstill,watchingMaggieapproach.Allofthedogsweretrainedtoprotectchildren,soshedidn’tworry.Itwasimportantforhertoapproachthekennelsslowly,incasetherewasanewboarder.

Maggiewalkedintothehouse,andsurveyedthemess.Ifshedidn’tgetbackto

worksoon,thewholelivingroomwouldbepiledtotheceilingwithpapersandjunk.

WhenMaggiewalkedoutbacktothepens,shenoticedKlaus’vanwasmissing.Shescribbledanoteandstuckitontherefrigerator,askinghimtocomeassessVala.Sheleftheraddress.

Insidethatsmallfridgewas55poundsofelkmeat,it’swhatheusedtofeedthe

dogs;nothingbutthebest.Thatremindedher,sheshouldcookforValawhenshegothome.Therewasnoexcusetonotspoilhersecretweapon.Shewantedthedoginthebestpossibleshape,justincasedangercametothedoor.

CHAPTERTWENTY-

ONEMaggiewasdoing

laundrywhenKlausarrived.Valawenttothedoorbeforesheevenheardhimshutthecardoor.

Sheputdownthepileofunsortedclothesandinvitedhimin.

Valaseemedto

rememberhertrainerandshowhimsomeaffection.Sherestedhersnoutonhislegastheysatdowntotalkaboutherordeal.KlausgavehertheonceoverandassuredMaggie.“Don’tworryaboutthedog.Youaresafe.Thatwasmyguarantee.”

Shewasproudofherworkatthekennelandshesoldthetrainingtobuyersworldwide,sowhywasshedoubtingitnow?“Buthow

willsheknowwhoisanintruderandwhoisnot?”

Hesatback.“Dogsaremoreintelligentthanpeople.Theyusesenseswehavenotdeveloped.Forone,theycansensethingsthathumansoverlook.Theycandetectheartrate,motives,intentions,fear,danger,andadrenaline.Theythemselvesarelikerobots,computingallthedataweoverlook.That’sthepowerofthetraining.”

“Butwhatifhepoisonsher?”Maggieaskedtryingtohideherpanic.

“Can’thappen.”“Becauseshewas

trained?”“Yes,butit’sbecauseI

bredthecuriosityoutofher.Sherespondstoperformance,notreward.Shedoesn’tseeyouashermaster,butasherpup.Youneedherprotection.”

Maggiewasbeginningto

understand.ItwaslikeherandEli.Amotherwillprotectatallcosts.

“Ifanintruderbreaksin,shewillrespond.Shewillknowtheyarecomingbeforeyoueverhearasound.Shecansmellit,hearitandwillprepare.”

“Whatifsomethinghappenstomyson?”

“IfValaispresent,whenyoursonisindanger,shewilleliminatethedanger.”

“Whatifshegetsshot?”“Thedogwillthinkon

itsown.Unlessabulletrendersherincapable,shewillproceedwitheliminatingthethreats,regardlessofherpain.”

“Jackisnotacommoncriminal.IthinkIcouldhandlethat.I’mafraidhewillknowshe’shereandfindawayaroundher.”

“There’snowayaroundthesedogs,unlesstheyare

notpresentwhenyourpathscross.”

Benreturnedtothehousewithfood.Maggiewasgrowingfondofthemanwhomadeherfeelsafeandcouldcook.Whatareprievefrombeingasinglemomalltheseyears.WithafullbellyandreassurancefromKlaus,Maggiewenttobed,early.ShehadleftamessageforDr.

Gibbons,andknewshecoulduseagroupsessionattheshelter.Butgoingtherescaredher.WhatifJackfollowedher?Whatifsheputeveryoneindanger?

ThatnightMaggiedreamtaboutJackfindingher.Shewasinthewoodsagain,thegunmanfiredhisshots.Maggiepickedherselfupoffthegroundandstartedrunning.Thistimeshesawawhitelumpamongthefallen

pineneedsandwetground.ItwasVala.

Sheslumpedoverthedyingdog.She’dbeenshotintheshoulderandapoolofbloodcollectedaroundthewound.Thedogbreathedslowlyandhereyesnarrowed.

“Missmemydarling?”Jacksaidmockingly.

Herheadspunaround.Maggierecognizedthevoice.“Whatdoyouwant,Jack?”

“Idon’twantanythingMaggie,exceptwhatyoutookfromme.”

Shewasn’tafraid.Sheknewthewords.Sheknewhowtocontrolhervoiceandherbodymovements.Shedidn’tshowanyoutwardsignsoffear.

“Iwon’tletyouhavehim.Youcan’ttakeourson.”

Jackroaredinlaughter.“Idon’tcareaboutthatbastard.Idoubttherascalis

evenmine.”Maggiestayedstrong.

“HeisyoursJack.Youhaveason.Rememberthat.”

Jackspitonherandwalkedaroundthedog.“Youarefoolishtothinkthisanimalcanprotectyou.NoonecanprotectyouMaggie.I’llbecomingbackforya.”

ThewindwashowlingasMaggiestretched.Hereyespoppedopenastherelentlesstickofabranchtappedthe

railingofEli’sporch.ShebeenterrifiedthatEliwouldgetoutofthehousewithoutherknowing,butsofarhe’dbeensafe.

ValarolledtohersideasMaggiesnuckoutofbed.Sleephadalwaysbeenaprivilege.Jackwokeupoften,sometimesinatrance.HerarelyknewwhoMaggiewaswhenshecametobed.Andwiththistemperandmartialartstraining,Maggiewason

edgeeverytimesheopenedthebedroomdoor.

Shesworeitwastendegreescoolerinthatroom,probablymore.WhateverthehellwaswrongwithJackshecouldfeelitintheair.Perhapsthat’swhatledhertosleeponthecouchwhenshecamehomeonenight.JackhadlethertakeEliouttoachurchperformance,whenshecamehomehewasout,doingGodknowswhat.By

thetimesheputElitobed,thefloorrumbledbelow.Herthroattightenedandshelistenedtothegaragedooropen.Perhapsifsheclosedhereyesandpretendedtobeasleep,thenightwouldendwell.

Maggiefellasleepbesideherpreciouschild.ShereplayedthemessagesheheardonChristianradioonherwayhome.Thepreacherwastalkingaboutthepeace

ofGodandotherpromisesheaffordedthosewhobelievedinHim.Sheheldontothosepromises,theyhadtoapplytoher.Sowhyweren’ttheyworking?WhywasJacksocrazy?

SheplayedChristianmusicinthehousewhenhewasnothome,hopingtosetacalm,peacefulatmospherewhenhearrived.Butthemusiconlyseemedtoagitatehim.Maggierefusedtogive

up.Maggieheardthedoor

knobclickasJacklookedinonhisson.Shelaidstill,hopinghewouldleaveheralone.Hisfootstepspressedlightlyintothecarpetasheenteredtheroom.Maggieheldhereyesshut.Hersideofthebedseemedtomove,andshepretendedtostir.

ThenshefeltJack’shandgrabherwrist.Sheopenedbotheyesandsawhis

silhouetteaboveher.Heremovedherfromthebedandfollowedherintothehall.ItwastherethatMaggiesawhisshirtlessbody.Jackmotionedhertotheirbedroom.Sheaskedpolitely,“I’mnotgoingtobedamI?”

Hisresponsewassimply,“No!”Afterthathekeptforcinghimselfonheratrandom

times.Maggiefeltstrangeanddirty.SowhenEasterrolledaround,shemadeplanstoattendchurch.Goingtherealonewasnotsomethingshewasreadyforbutsheneededtogo.

ShehadcalmlytoldJackthenightbeforethatshewastakingElitoanEasteregghuntatalocalchurch.Sheboughtsomedressclothesataconsignmentstore,soJackwouldn’tfussoverthecost.

Butwhenshewenttolookforthekeys,Jacklookedupwithraisedhiseyebrows.Hesaidnothing.

“We’llbebackinaboutanhourandahalf,”shesaid,headingtothedoor.

Jacksippedhiscoffee,andwatchedher.“Ididn’tsayyoucouldgoanywhere.”

Maggieshrieked.“Imentioneditlastnight.”

Heboltedupoutofhischairandhurledittothe

floor.“Idon’trecallyouaskingmeanything.AndIdon’twantsomewannabepreacherbrainwashingmyson.”

Sheheldontohersweetboyandstoodherground.“IthinkitwouldbegoodforElitohaveaspiritualbase.”

Jacksmirked—whichalwaysfrightenedher.ItwashiswarpedideasofhowtoconnectwithGodthattrulyscaredher.Butthatwas

somethingshekeptquiet.Evennow.

Shedidgotochurchthatday.IronicallythepastordidnotpreachtheEastermessageshehadhopedtohear.InsteadhequotedscriptureafterscripturethatsaidGodwaswatchingoverher.Whatarelief.SheassumedthatbyhearingthemessageGodwouldstepinandstoptheviolence.SheimaginedafuturewhenJackcameto

churchandtogethertheyraisedtheirlittleboy.SheknewGodcouldgivethemanewstart,andanewlife.

Sheprojectedpeaceandserenity,laugherandjoy.Shefantasizedabouthappytimes.

Herdisillusionfollowedherhome.Sheevenwentforwardforprayerandtoldthemaboutthesituation.Thepastorwhoprayedwithher,seemedsurethatprayerwouldfixherhusbandand

sheneededtobepatient,nonjudgmentalandofcourse,keepcomingbacktochurch.

CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO

Theteakettlewhistledas

Maggiefocusedherthoughts.Herflashbackshadbeen

escalating.Shehadtogettothatsupportgroup;beforethingsgotoutofhand.MonitoringherownthoughtswassomethingMaggiehadnotmastered.Thegroupwouldhelp.

Theladiesmetinprivateatalocalhome,whichhoused31womenandchildren.Tohersurprisetheshelterwasrarelyfull.Thetimeittakesforavictimtosuccumbtorealityanddo

somethingaboutit,cantakemonths,ifnotyears.Actuallyleavingtheabuseandseekinghousing,well,fortheoneswhomakeit,thatdecisiontakesyears.Maggiewasnoexception.

Thefirsttimeshegotupthenervetoattendthemeeting,shedroveupanddownthestreetthreetimes,beforefinallypullingintothelot.Heradvocatehadcalled,leavingamessage.Itsaid,

“Areyoureadytotakecontroloveryourlife?”

Maggiewantedtobecoaxedintogoing.It’swhyshelistenedtothemessage.Butshestillhadtodecide.Whatcouldithurt,ifshedidn’tlikeit,shedidnothavetoreturn.Andnotgoinginwasonlyprolongingtheobvious.

Hereshewasayearslater,needingmorehelp.Therewasnoshameinthat.

Shewouldbecarefulwithwhatshesharedastonotalertanybody.AndrightnowinMaggie’sworldtheseweretheonlypeopleintheworldwhocouldunderstand.

Themeetingopenedwithintroductionsandacitationoftheserenityprayer.Everyonestoodinacircleholdinghands.Maggierecalledthefamiliarjittersthatwereapparentonherfirstvisit.Shedidn’tknowwhattoexpect.

Todaywasthesame.Shewasbackincrisismode.Theladiesweretheretolistenandlendsupport.Theywerenotallowedtoofferadvicebutratherfollowtherulesoftheprogramandshelter.Thenumberofwomenwhowentthroughtheprogramandlaterreconciledwiththeirabuserwashigh.Maggierefusedtobeinthecrowd.Jackdidn’tactuallywantherback,whathewantedwastogeteven.

Maggielistenedtotheguidelinesandintroductions.Otherthangivinghernameandnumberofchildren,sheplannedonstayingquiet.Shegainedalotbylisteningtoothermomsandfoundithardenoughtositstillandnotletherthoughtsroam.Shemadeitthisfar,nowshejustneededtokeepgoing.

Thegrouptookaquickbreak,andshecalledBen.“How’severything,how’s

Eli?”“He’sgreat.Hewantsto

gotothefirehouse,theyarehavingademonstrationtoday.”

“Soundsgood.”Shestaredupatthemountain.“Youguysaresofaraway.”

“Wecanwaittillyougetback,ifyouwant.”

“No,takehimnow.It’smoreofaguything.”

Benchuckled.“Textuswhenyouaredone.Stay

sharp.”“Iwill.”Hisvoicemadeherwell

upintears.Shewasn’tsurethingswouldworkoutwithBenbutstill,shewassothankfulforthetimehespentwithherson.Itmadeamotherproudtoknowthatsomeoneelsethoughthewasspecialandlovedhim.

WhenthemeetingresumedMaggie’smindstrayed.Theemotionand

denialofthenewcomerspickedatherconscience.Someoftheladieswerestilllivingwiththeirabusers,othershadleftandfoundthesamerelationshipwaitingforthem,justanewnameandnewlocation.Maggiehatedthataboutthegroup.Shewantedfinality.Shehadhiredalawyerandemptiedhersavingstryingtostaysafe.Shetookitseriously.Buttheminutehermindbeganto

wander,shecouldn’tpullitbackin.

Oneofthenewcomersspokeaboutherboyfriend,alocalcop.Maggietriednottosmile;sheknewwherethiswasheading.Justasshesuspected,thejerkcleanedhisgunsinfrontofher,tookhertotheshootingrange,drankandusedhisgunduringsex,sleptwithhisweaponloadedonthenightstand.Itwascasebook.

AtthetimewhenJackfirstplacedaweapononher,hehadusedanexcusethatmadesensetoher.Maggiehadbeenreadingabookonmarriagethatsuggestedawomangetinvolvedinherhusband’sfavoriteactivity.

That’swhenthingschangedquickly.

JackreceivedadeliveryfromUPSat10:35a.m.Hecalledoutofworkthatdayandwasoutsidetrimmingthe

busheswithamachetewhenthedriverpulledup.MaggiesawhimbringinaboxbigenoughforaflatscreenTV.

Shewonderedwhatitwas.

Jacktoreopenthecardboardcontainerandrevealedhisnewestfascination.Maggiestaredathimasheheldtheleatherbreastplateuptohischest.“Whatisthat?”sheaskedincredulously.

“Armor.”“Armor?”“It’sforswordfighting.”Hermindblanked.“Who

buysarmorforswordfighting?Whoevenmakesit?Whomakestheswords?”

Butitwasallthere,inabox.Shecalledthebankimmediatelyandfoundouthowmuchthearmorcost.Shehungupinutterdisbelief.Howcouldhedothis?Theydidn’thavethatkindof

moneytospend.Hemusthavetakenitoutofthebaby’ssavingsaccount.

Ratherthanconfronthim,whilehelearnedtomaneuverthisnewweapon,Maggiewatchedasheworkedout.Jackwasnotanovice.Shefoundoutthathehadtrainedinthismedievalartasateenager.Thepracticewasback.Whileitscaredher,shetooktheadviceofthemarriageprofessionalandshe

askedJackabouthisnewhobby.Herhopewastorekindletheirrelationship.Shewassurethatiftheyfellbackinlove,hisangerwouldsubsideandthingswouldbegood.However,Jackhadadifferentidea.

Oneafternoonwhenshecamehomefromchurch,hesatatthekitchentableoilingthebladeonhissteelsword.Itwasanewone,madeofIsraelisteel.JacktoldMaggie

toputthebabytobedandmeethimontheporch.

Shehadnotputthetwotogetheruntilitwastoolate.Whensheleftthenursery,Jackwassuitedup,andreadytobattle.Heexplainedthathewasinneedofatrainingpartner—andhewishedhertofillinforhim.

Whensheaskedwhy,hesaiditwasbecauseshewastherightheight.

Maggiekepther

reservationsquiet.Shestoodoffcenterfromwhathecalledthedownstrike,amotionthatwouldseveretheshoulder.Hepracticedhisangleandtooksometrialswings.Withoutregardtoherbodylanguage,JackmadehisstanceandthenunleashedaseriesofmovesthatrivaledaHollywoodstuntman.

Hecalledouteachstrikeasshestoodthereashistestdummy.Onewrongmove,

oneflinchandhecouldcuther.Hernervestingledassheclosedhereyes.Shelistenedtohisvoice,voidofemotionorcare.Atearrolledoffhercheek.Asshewipedit,shetunedbackintothenewcomerwhowaslivingwiththerenegadecop.Shewantedtotellhertorun,andnotlookback.

Thewalkdownmemorylanefurtherconvincedherthatsheneededthesewomen.

Whoelsecouldhelpherseethedangershewasin,andhownormalitbecameforher.Shecouldhavebeenbeheaded,andthiswasnotISIS.

AnolderladywasspeakingwhenMaggierefocusedonthegroup.“I’masurvivorofdomesticabuseandIhavetwogirls.WhenIwas28yearsold,Iarrivedhomefromworktofindutterchaos,againinsidemy

suburbanhome.Myoutofworkhusbandwoulddrinkalldayandourchildrenwerehomewhilethishappened.Theoldestrodethebustoschoolbutfrequentlywalkedhomewithafriend,ifherfatherforgottopickherupfromthebusstop.”

Shewenton,“Thehousewasagiantmess,withgarbagealloverthefloorandpileofclotheshighenoughtotipover.Iranovertoseethe

kidsbuttheyweren’tinthelivingroom.That’swhenIheardthefaintcriesofbothmydarlings,comingfromthebathroom.Theretheysat,nakedinthebathtub,thewaterwasfreezingcold.”

“Whathappened?Iaskedthem.”

“Daddyforgotaboutus.”Igrabbedtheirrobesandturnedontheheatlamp.ThenIclusteredthemtogetherandwipedtheirtears.“Areyou

alright?”Thelittleonenoddedbut

myeldestkeptcrying.“Heshotasquirrelmomma.Hehearditrunningontheroofandtookouthisrifle.Hekilleditmommy.Isaw.”

Igrabbedmychildrenandwalkedpasttheirbedrooms,that’swhenInoticedthesheetrockandmessonthefloor.Myhusbandshotstraightupthroughtheroofwithashot

gun.Tenminuteslatertheir

suitcaseswerepacked.Icalledacabsohewouldn’tfollowus.Icalledmybrotherandaskedhimtogetmycar.Ididnotgivehimthedetails.

AneighborcalledthepoliceandbeforeIevergottothecab,ourhomewassurroundedbycops.Itwasthebestdayandtheworstdayofmylife.

Beforeheadinghome,Maggieneededtoregaincomposure.Hermemoriesleftheronedgeandthepurposeofthemeetingwastofeelstronger,morehopeful,notfrightened.Sheneededaminutetobreathe.

Maggielockedthestallattheshelterbathroomandsatdownonthetoilet.Heremotionswererisingup.Shefeltsick.Littlegirlsdon’t

growupwantingtobevictims.Butshewasallgrownupnow,andthat’swhatshewas.Partsurvivor;partvictim.Shewantedtobeasolesurvivorandmore.Buthow?

Sheknewtheanswer.Bysettingboundaries,bytrustingagain,bymovingforwardwithoutthefear,that’showyouregainedcontrolofyourlife.Butthatinitself,seemed

overwhelming.ShecalledClaire.She’dknowwhattodo.

Thefriendsmetatthe

GreenCafécoffeeshop.Shekeptrehearsingsomethingthedetectivetoldher,somethingthatwassupposedtoputhermindatrest.ButMaggieturnedthestatementupsidedownandherfearwasgrowing.Sheknewhowtothink,butwhatshewanted

wasforsomeonetoclimbintoherpitoffearandidentifywithwhatshefelt.Then,andonlythencouldsheclimbout.

“Avictimneedstobeheard!”Thatwouldbehersocialstatus,shouldsheevergetonline.

Thedetectivesaid,‘MenlikeJackmayhideintheshadowsbuttheyleavefootprints.’Inwardly,MaggieprayedJackleftabig

assfootprintsotheycouldfindhim.

OnceClairearrived,theconversationflowedthewayMaggiehadhoped.“Youbravegirl,hidingallthisforsolong.Wereyououtofyourmind?”

Maggienoddedasthetearsbegantofall.Shewipedthem,knowingmorewouldfollow.“Ididn’twanttoscareyouawaybytellingyouthetruth.Youweretheonly

friendIhadandIcouldn’trisklosingyou.”

ShegrippedMaggie’shands.“Idon’tcarethatSOBisstillalive,I’mallears.”

Withherchinonherhand,Maggiebegantosob.Herhaircascadedaroundherasshespoke.“IwanttotellyouaboutitlastnightoncethingscalmeddownbutIwasn’tready.”

“Iunderstand.Benrepliedandtoldmeyouwere

resting.Iamgladhewastherewithyou,butIwouldhavelikedtobetheretoo,especiallyforEli.”

Maggiecouldn’tcontainhersmile.“HeadoresBen.”

“Wealldo,”Clairewooed.

“Howmuchdangerareyouin?WhatisJackgoingtodo?”

Maggiecrumbledinfear.“He’samonster.Iprayedandprayedthathewouldnever

getout.Buttheyreleasedhim.Thoseparoleboardpeoplehavenoideahowsickheis.”

“Maggie,wasJackwasatyourhouse?”“Yes.Iknowitwashim.He’sbeensendingsignsforaweek.He’stryingtoseeifIbreak.”

“WhywouldhedothatMaggie?Whatdoeshehaveagainstyou?”Maggie’sheadlowered.

“Iexposedhim.Ilettheauthoritiesintoourlittletwistedworldandheseeshimselfforwhohereallyis.Heblamesme.Andhewantsrevenge.”

“JesusMaggie.Youneedtogetoutofhere.TakeEliandrunaway.”

Hereyeslifted.“IfIrunhemayfindmeagain.IfIstayhere,atleastthepolicearewillingtohelpme.”

“YouknowaswellasI

do,thesemenaretoosmartforsomecop.”

Sheleanedoverthetableandawaveoftrepidationsetin.“He’shadthreeyearstoplanhowhe’dfindmeandwhathe’ddotomewhenfoundus.HowamIsupposedtofunctionwiththattypeofhatesetagainstme?”

“Wellhescreweduponcebefore,hewilldoitagain.”

Maggieshookherhead.

“Hedidn’tscrewup,Icalledthecops.Iblewthewhistle.IthappenedinNewYork.MyneighborwasoutwalkingherdogwhenIcamehomewiththebaby.Shehadtwocopsatherhouseandcameouttowarntheneighborsthattherehadbeenabreakin.Twothingswerestolen,cashandjewelry.

Iwasn’ttooafraidbutpartofmewonderedifJackwasthethief.Instead,he

camedownfromtheatticcarryinganarsenalofknives,swordsandstaves.”

Sheswallowedhard.“WhenIaskedhimwhathewasdoing,hesaidthattheburglarynextdoorwasplanned,andthatsomeonehadbeenwatchingherhouse.”

Claireleanedcloser.“Whatdidhesay?”

“Iwassostupid.Jackbeganplacingtheweaponsall

overthehouse.Bythewindows,thedoorsandontopofshelves,theTV.Hewasutterlyparanoid.”

“Whatdidyoudo?”WhenIaskedhimwhathewasdoing,helookedmestraightintheeyeandsaid,“IhopethelittlefuckerscomeherebecauseI’llslicethemintopieces.”

Claireslumpedbackinherchair.“Maggie,thisguycouldhavekilledyou.”

“Hetriedonce.”Claire’sfacedrainedof

color.Shehadnottoldanybodyaboutthis,itwastooterrifying.Butnowwasthetimetotalk.Nowwasthetimetospeakhertruth.

“TheroomwasdarkandJackwasasleep,”shebegan,lookingatClaireforthenodtokeepgoing.“Icreptintobed,thewayIalwaysdid,slowandmethodichopingnottowakehim.Imanaged

togetinbedandpullthecoversovermewithoutJackstirring.Butsometimelater,onceIwassoundasleep,Iwokeup.Somethingpokedme.IlaidcompletelystilltryingtoassesswhereIwasandwhatwashappening.ThenIfeltitagain.Somethingsharppressedintomyribs,itwasn’tajaborevenapurposefultouchmorelikeacuriouspoke.

IcalledouttoJack.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Therewasnoreply,soI

said,“Jack,it’sme.Maggie.Whatareyoudoingtome?”

AswitchflippedonandJackstoodupbesidethebed.HestaredatmeasifIwasaforeignobject.Thenhecrawledoverthebedstaringatmewiththisdazedlook.

Iloweredmyvoice.“Jack,whatareyoudoing?”

Hegrewdefensive.“Therewassomethingin

here.Itwassittingonyou.”IwasterrifiedasIkept

askinghimtotellmewhathesaw.Isearchedtheroomlookingforhisswords.

Finallyhesaidtome,“Itriedtokillit,butthenyoumademeputthelighton.Andnowit’sgone.”

Hewentontodescribeademon.Hesaiditwasgreenwithsharpteethprotrudingfromitslipandhewassittingonme.”Ididn’tknowwhatto

do.IwasafraidtowakehimifhewassleepingandIwasn’tsureifhewashallucinating.Ijustknewthathecouldeasilyturnonmeatanytime.”AsMaggiesharedhertaleadetailedflashbackoverwhelmedher.Hemovedtowardherpullingtheknifeoutfrombehindhisback.“Whatdidyoudotodaywhile

Iwasnothere?”Maggie’smindwarped.

Thepathwaysthatdecidetofightorflighthadvanished.ShethoughtaboutcallingforEli,maybehisfatherwouldstopifhesawthelittleboy.

Maggiewouldn’tjeopardizehersonlikethat.Insteadshestayedstill.“Jack.Wakeup.I’myourwife.I’mnodemon.”

Itwasnouse.Thishadhappenedoncebefore,years

agobeforetheygotmarried.ThatwasthenightsheknewshewouldnevergetawayfromJack.Never.

“Thenextmorning,JackwasgonebeforeIawoke.Iwentforawalkandcalledtheabusehotline.WhenthewomanaskedmeifIwasinasafeplacetotalk,Iemotionallycollapsed.”

“Whathappenednext?”Claireprompted.“TherestofthedayIwasina

fog.IcalledthepoliceandmadeplanstoremoveElifromthehome.ButIdidn’tknowhow?Thepoliceputmeintouchwithaphonecounselorandwemadeaplantomeet.Ineededtoknowhowtoactandwhattodo.Myadrenalinewaspumpingsohard.It’slikeIwantedtofleebutIcouldn’t.Ihadtoendmylife.Howdoyoupackupyourlifein30minutesandnotlookback?

Theanswerisfear.DidIwanttogetoutordidIwanttorunintoJackagain?”

“JesusMaggie,hereallyiscrazy.”

Shetrembled.“Thenhowdidhegetoutearly?Howdidhefoolthem?”

Claireremindedher,“Youwerefooledoncetoo.Don’tforgetthat.”

Maggie’sthroattightened.Clairewasabsolutelyright.Ifshecared

tobehonest,thishadstartedwhentheyweredating.

OnenightshestoppedbyJack’safterstudyingforfinalexams.WhenshegottherethehousewasdarkbutJack’scarwasinthedriveway.He’dbeenextremelystressed;thingswithhisfatherweren’tgoingwell.Theyspokeonandoffsincehisparent’sdivorceandfromwhatshecouldsee,hewasbetteroffwithouthim.

Maggiemadeherawayaroundtothebackofthehouse.Itwasn’tuncommonforJacktogoforwalksatnight,especiallynearthewoods.Sheneverwent,itsoundedcreepy.JackhadtoldheraboutthenativeIndiantribe.Whentheyroamedthelandfreelytheircustomwastoburyyourightwhereyouweredied.Jackwouldoftenexpresstoherthathecouldfeeltheirspiritswhilehewas

outwalkingandsomewerekindbutothersseemedhostile.

NeverinamillionyearsdidshethinkhewouldmistakeherforanIndiansprit.

AsshemadeherwayaroundthebackofthehouseshelookedupatJack’sbedroomwindow,thehouseseemeduninhabited.Shestoppedcallinghisname.Noreply.Shewarmed

hershouldersfromtheNovemberwind.Wherewashe?Thistimeshecuppedherhandsoverhermouth.“Jackareyouhome,it’sMaggie.”

Thedarknessgrewaroundherandshegotthefeelingsheshouldreturntothecar.ThewindspickedupandMaggiewalkedalongthesouthernsideofthehome,pastthemetalgarbagecansandduckedunderapinetree.

Whenshelookedup

againshethoughtshesawsomething,orsomeoneinthedistance.Butthedarkmadeithardtosee.Shecontinuedtowardhercar,keysinhandreadytosneakinside.Theclosershegottothevehicle,themoreshestaredatthemanapproaching.Hewaswalkingatasteadygait,shouldersdown,fistsclenched.Sherantowardthedriver’sside.

“Don’tyoumove,”a

voicedeclared.Maggieturnedbackaround.ItwasJack.Hiseyeswerewideanddark,hisshouldersbent.“Where’veyoubeen?I’vebeenlookingforyou?”

Hepresumedtowalkaroundher,inspectingherlikeanapprehensivedog.“Jack,whatareyoudoing?Whyaren’tyoutalkingtome?”

Hismovementswere

slowandmethodic.“Seriously,youarescaringme.Whatiswrong?Areyouokayornot?”

“You’renother.”Hisvoicewassullen.

“I’mnotwho?”Hestoppedandsquared

offinfrontofher.“YouarenotMaggie.”

Herearstingled.Theaironthestreetcornerturneddeathlycool.“Jack.What’swrongwithyou?Whywould

yousaythat?”Maggiestoodstill.She

fearedturningherbackonhim.Ifsheopenedthecardoor,hecouldcrushherbetweenthedoorandtheframe.Instead,shestayedthere,watchinghisfacecontortasifhewereadogplottinghisnextmove.

Sheknewrightthen,thatescapingJackwasnotanoption.Althoughthethoughtwasunconscious,hemadehis

point.Thequestionnowwaswouldshemakehers?

CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE

Asthecarreachedthe8000feetmarker,apatchofclouds

rolledin.MaggieturnedonherheadlightsasshepassedthesignwelcominghertoCascadeTownship.Itsurelookedlikemoresnowwasheadedtheirway.

Herphonejingled.Klaushadcalledaboutwork,amongsomeotherrandomtexts.Justasshereturnedhereyestotheroad,DetectiveBrantcalled.

“Hello?”“Yesdetective,thisis

Maggie.”

“Ms.BurkeweneedyoutocomebythestationintheSprings.Asecurityguardatyourson’sschoolreportedfindingyellowbeercanontheschoolplayyard.We’vepulledfingerprintsandtheymatch.”

MaggiecalledBenimmediately.

“Where’sEli?”“Inbed,hetookanap

justbeforelunch.”Herheartleapt.“Go

check.Checkhisroom.”“What’sthefuss,what’s

wrong?”Maggiechangedlanes

andspedupthemountain.“Ben,tellmeyouhavehim?”

“What’sgoingon?”“Justgogethim.Wake

himupandstaybyVala.”“I’llbehomeasfastasI

can.”Maggiehungupand

spedpastaplowandveeredintooncomingtraffic.A

patrolcarflippedonhislightsandzoomedupbehindher,butMaggiekeptgoing.Whensheturnedintotheneighborhoodthepolicecarwasonhertail.Shenailedeverybumponthedirtroadasshedroveuphilltowardherhouse.Clickingthegaragedooropen,shethrewthecarinparkandracedintothehouse.

“Eli,Eli!”ShecaughtsightofBen.

“Whereishe?”Sherantohisroom,his

sheetswerethrownbackandthesidedeckdoorwasslightlyajar.“Ben,ohmyGod.”

Herheartthrobbed.“Hetookhim.Hetookhim!”

Benappearedinthedoorway,hisbacktothewall.“Hetookwho?”

Herfingerspulledattherugasshehungherhead.“Jack’sgotEli.”

“Maggie.”Benmovedtowardher.JustthenEliwalkedoutofthebathroomwithdrippinghands.“Iamrightheremomma.Ihadtowashmyhands.”

Shewobbledtohimonherkneesandpickedupherboy.Shekissedhimhardandheldontohim.

“Mommawhathappened?Didthecoyotesscareyouagain?”

Shewipedhereyesand

smiled.Whatarelieftoseehimunharmed.ElitwistedaroundandspoketoBen.“ShegetsscaredofthecoyoteswhenshewalksVala.Butcoyotesdon’tlikepeople.”HeplacedhishandsonhisMaggie.“Don’tworrymom.Theywon’thurtyou.”

Thepolicemanwhotailedherhadmadehiswayintothehouse.Apparentlywhenhecalledintheaddressandaskedforbackup,the

dispatchergavehimanoverviewofthesituation.

Shehuggedhimeventighter.

“Ms.Burke,iseverythingallright?”

ShegaveEliovertoBenandrosetoherfeet.Shepointedtothedoorandexplainedtheproblemtotheofficer.HeaskedMaggietostayinthekitchenwhilehecombedthearea.

BenhadElisettledown

infrontoftheTV.HewalkedtowardMaggieandenvelopedherinahug.Herbodytightenedasshepulledhimascloseasshecould.Whenwoulditbeover?

Ben’sarmswrappedaroundherlikeatree.Shefeltsosecureandlovedbutthesecondshepulledaway,herheartwouldstir.“OhmyGodBen,whatdoIdo?”Benwasfrazzled.“Idon’tgetit,whynotcomeinand

takehim?”Maggiehunginhisarms.

“Don’tworryMaggie.Iwon’tlethimhurtyouorEli.Ipromise.”

TheCascadepolice

returnedtothekitchenwithabottleofwhiskeywrappedintoday’snewspaper.Itwasleftjustoutsideyourson’sbedroom.“Couldn’thavebeentheretoolong,it’snotfrozen.”

Maggiegasped.“Andtherearefreshprintsheadingtowardthehousefromthebackyard.”

“Followtheprints.”“It’snotthateasy.The

snowhaspiledupinthebackyard,withthewaythesnowmeltsintheseparts,therearelargepitsmaskingwherethefootprintstaperoff.Hecouldhavegoneanyway.

Maggie’sstomachwasinaknot.ShehadBenandthe

policeinherhomebutshefeltasnervousasshedidwhenitwasjustsheandJack.WhenDetectiveBrantarrivedshefeltbetter.Hewouldhaveanactionplan,hehadto.

“Wedon’twantthistoprogress.We’vegotevidencethatyourexhusbandhasbeenatEli’sschool.”

Maggiefeltweak.“Hecan’thaveEli.Youhavetofindhim.”

“IknowMs.Burke.I’vealreadyspokentotheCascadepolice,theyareonthelookout.We’vefaxedadescriptionofyourextosurroundingtowns.Thepoliceherewillkeepalookoutonyouforthreedays.

Benspokeup.“Whatexactlywilltheybedoing?”

“Anunmarkedofficerwillbepostedoutsidethehouseasasafeguardaftercurfew.Duringtheday,we

willmonitorthehomecloselywhileyoumaintainalowprofileinthecommunity.”

“Iunderstand.”“Whatifitdoesn’t

work?”DetectiveBrantsquared

hisshoulders.“Ohitwillwork.”

Beninterrupted.“I’vereaduponmyprofiling.Won’tguyslikeJackbedeterredbythelackofmedia?Imean,don’tthey

liveforthesensationalism?”“Notalways.JackBurke

seemsmoredisturbedthananything.”

Maggiepackedherthings.JustassheclosedEli’stopdrawerafemaleofficerenteredtheroom.“Maggie,I’mofficerConnolley.”

Sheturnedandsawawomansimilartoher.“I’vecomedownfromtheAurorapolicestation.I’llbestaying

inyourhomewhileyou’regone.”

Maggienoddedandkeptbusy.WhendetectiveBrantmadethecalltothelocalwoman’sshelterMaggiehadvainnotionsofwhatshewouldputElithrough.ItwasjustdaysbeforeChristmasandnowtheywereleavingtheirhome.Whatwouldshetellhim?”

ThecoolairstungagainsthercheekasMaggie

carriedElitothecar.BenwasalreadyseatedinsideandtookElifromherwarmarms.Heseemedexcitedtorideinapatrolcarandevenmorethrilledtositbehindthecopintheenclosedbackseat.

Maggiesurveyedtheinteriorlaptop,andgadgetsinthecar,thiswasreallyhappening.Jackwasafterherandshewashelpless.SheprayedtoGod,“Father,onlyyoucanprotectmenow.I

givemyentirelifetoyou,EliandBen.Maywegetthroughthisnightandmayyouendthisreignofterror.”

Everythinglookedblurryastheyleftthehouse.“Don’tworryMs.Burke.Everyoneatthestationwillbeworkingonthiscase.”

Maggiewinced,thatwasn’texactlywhatshewantedtohear.Thesnowhadgatheredonthecurbsideandthestreetplowswereinfull

affect.ItremindedherofthedayshegotVala.Findingthekennelwasquiteafeat.Itallstartedwithaninternetsearchforguarddogs.

ThefirstsiteincludedphotosofGermanshepherdpuppies,expensiveonesatthat.Thoughcute,noonecaughthereye.Eachsitehaditsownhandlerandbreederbutsofarnoonehadtheedgeshewaslookingfor.

Hersearchseemedvain

untilshereadaboutalocalhandlerwhotraineddogsfortheDenverPoliceDepartment;therewasevenafemalejudgewhohadacanineasapersonalprotectiondog.Maggiecalledthejudge’sofficeandaskedforareferral.Shecalledthattrainer,andwasputintouchwithKlaus.Afterleavingfourphonemessages,shedecidedtovisitthecompoundherself,which

isexactlywhatshedid.Twodayslatershe

pulledofftheroadandfollowedthesignstotheK9School.Thepropertywasspreadoutandanoldhomestoodtallandcenter.Shelookedaroundattheunkemptlawnandwirefences—itwasnotwhatshewasexpecting.

Sheclutchedthecomputerprintoutasifitweregold.Thiswastheplace.Fivekennelsstood

alongsidethedriveway,thedogsallwatchedherassheexitedthecar.Therewasnotasinglebarkoranxiousbehavior.Theyjustsatandwatched,liketheywereonguard.

Shewentintothebuildingmarkedoffice.Whenthedoorpushedbackamanwearingatatteredsweatshirtandcutoffsweatpantssatinacloudofcigarsmoke.

Maggiespokefirst,“I’m

lookingforKlaus,OfficerCarmikefromtheDenverK9unitsentme.”

Hesmiledandreplied,“IamKlaus.”

Shemovedcloserandheldoutherhand.Hestaredbackather.“IstheresomethingIcandoforyou?”

“Yes,asamatteroffactthereis.Iaminterestedinyourtraining.Ineedadog.”

“Whatdoyoumeanyouneedadog?”

ShewentontoexplainherrelationshipwithJack.

Klausputouthiscigarandleanedforward.“Iamsorrytohearthat,butmydogsarenotpets.Andtheycostmorethanacar.”

“Iunderstand.I’mwillingtopay.”Maggielookedaround.“Itlookslikeyoucouldusesomehelparoundhere.”Hestoodupandtookabaseballhatoffthewall.“Followme.”

Theysatattheofficetableasheexplainedtheprogramthetraining,anditspurpose.Hehadpolicedogsthatweretrainedfornarcotics,explosivesandcadavers,andhetrainedhandlerstodothesame.

“NowIdon’tsellpuppieshere,butwetrainthem.Thereisanextensivetestusedtodetermineadog’sabilitytoprotect,inGermanitiscalledSchutzund.My

dogsallhavepassedthistest.”

Maggiehaddoneherreading.Adogtrainedwithverbalcommandsandhandsignswerenotwhatsheneeded.TheSchutzundtrainingdidmore,ittaughtthedogtothinkonitsown.That’swhatsheneeded.

“Haveyouselectedyourpuppyyet?”

“No,doIneedto?”“Well,ifyouwanta

guarddog,youaregoingtoneedadog.”

Maggiesmirked,“Ofcourse.Doyouhaveanydogsthatareavailable?”

Klauslookedatherbutkeptwalking.

Klausledhertoakennelwitheightstalls,muchlikeabarn.“Iworkwiththedogfortwomonths,andthenyoucomeforfiveweeks.It’severyday,soyouwillneedtotakeofffromwork.”

“I’mabookagent,sothat’snoproblem.”

“Whatpricerangecanyouaffordforthedog?”

“Iwashopingunderseventhousand.”

Klaussaidnothingbutheraisedhiseyebrows.“Ihavefemaledog,Itrainedherforaclientwhorecentlypassedaway.Shewasaguarddog,andthefamilyreturnedherafterthefatherpassedaway.Icanretrainherfor

thatprice.”Maggiewantedtohug

theman.Seventhousanddollarswasallshehadtohername.Butitwasworthit.

CHAPTERTWENTY-

FOURItwashardtostopthe

tapesfromplayingoverinher

mind.TenyearsagoMaggiemetJackatacollegeparty.Andadecadelatershewashidingforherlife!

Whenthesuncameup,Maggiewokewithacrickinherneck.Shefeltthewarmthofahandonhershoulder.ShelookedupandsawthehousemotherstandingbesideEli;hisfacewaswetfromtears.“Mommy.Ididn’tknowwhereyouwere.”

Sheblinkedharderasit

allcameback.Shewasattheshelterandmusthavefallenasleepatthecomputer.MaggiescoopedEliupinherarms.“Comeherebaby.”

Shecradledhisheadwithherhandandmadeeyecontactwiththewoman.Shewhispered,“Thankyou,”andletEli’slittlebodymeltintohers.“Mommydidn’tmeantoscareyou.”

Thehallwasbustlingaslinesbegantoformforthe

bathrooms.Maggieweavedthroughthewomenassistingtheirlittleonesandpreparingforwork.Thekitchenwasonlyopenforbreakfastforashorttime,andifshewantedtofeedEli,theyhadtobethereintime.

MaggieretrievedtwobagelsfromthebasketandwasabouttospreadcreamcheeseonEli’swhenDetectiveBarronappeared.“Maggie.Ineedtospeakwith

you.”Thedirectorstood

behindhim,noddedpolitely.ThenshereachedforEli.“Heresweetheart,whydon’tyouletMommytalkandIwillhelpyouwiththat.”

Maggie’sanxietywassuffocating.ShefollowedDetectiveBarronoutside,witheachstepherheartbeatincreased.SheprayedValawasokay.Sheprayedtheycaughthim.

Withthesuninhereyes,shelistenedintentlytothedetective.“Therewasabreakatthehouselastnight.Wehaveabodythatneedstobeidentified.”

“Whathappened?”“Theperpetratorcamein

throughthepatiodoorbyyourson’sroom.Fromthelooksofit,yourguarddogwasready.Shesustainedmultiplestabwoundsbutthevictimdidnotmakeit.”

Maggiebegantoshake.Thisiswhatshewanted.Thisiswhatshewaswaitingfor.Thegroundseemedtoopenupandswallowher.Timestoppedasabarrageofthoughtsswirledinsideher.“WasitJack?”

“Wecan’ttell.Hewasmarredtobadlyforustoknowyet.”

“IsValahurt?”“Herwoundsaredeep

butshemadeitthroughthe

night.”“Canweseeher?”“Yes,butIwouldleave

theboyhere.”Maggiecomposed

herselfandreturnedtotheroom.ShecalledClaireandaskedhertowatchEli.Beforesheknewit,Eliwasatthedoorwithcleanhandsandface.Shestoopeddown,holdingbackthetears.“Heyhandsome,doyouwanttogoforarideinthepolicecar

again?”Henoddedandgaveher

ahug.Shelethislittlearms

sootheherfears.Rightnowthat‘sallshecouldhandle.TherewouldbebloodatthehouseandlotsofquestioningsoElineededtostaysafeandheneededtobewithfamily,ClairewastheclosestthingshehadthissideoftheMississippi.

Maggieslidintothecop

carandcrossedherarmstight.Therewouldneverbeanotherdaylikethisone.

Thedrivewassilentastheyheadedtoherhome.Hermindspuninwonder.WhatwouldshetellEli?WouldValabeallright?

WhenEliwassafewithClaire,thetearsstartedtowellupinMaggie’seyes.SheletthemfalltoherlapastheydrovetowardCascade.Nooneintownwouldknowthe

connectionbetweenthecrimeandherexhusband,itwouldallbespeculative.Sheneededthat.HowwouldsheandElievermoveonwiththeirlivesifthetruthgotout?

BenhadcalledafewtimeswhileshelefttheSprings.Shedidn’thavethehearttotalktohim.

DetectiveBrantcaughtherreflectionintherearviewmirror.“Wewillneedtobriefyouastowhathappened.Is

thatsomethingyoucanhandle?”

Maggierubbedthetopofherlegsandwipedhereyes.“Yes.”

Westagedanofficeratyourhomelastnight.TheintentionwastolureJackoutofthewoodsandgethimonabreakingandenteringchargewithaweapon.Yourdoghowever,tookmattersintoherownhands.

“Hewascomingtotake

Eli?”“Therewasnocaratthe

sceneMaggie.Hehadnoexitplan.Bestweknow,hefollowedouragentbacktoyourhouse.Weplacedawomaninyourroom,tomakeitlooklikeyouwerehome.Hewaited45minutesafterthelightswentout,timingitperfectlywiththenaturalsleepstate.”

“Washearmed?”Thedetectiveleaned

forward.“Wefoundspilledbottleofchlorophyllintheroom,andhehadaknife.”

“Howdidhegainentrancetomyhome?”

“Hebrokethroughtheglasspanelofthedeckdoor.”

Maggieshuttered.“HereallywascomingforEli.”Jackfedofftheelementofsurprise.“Thenwhathappened?”“Theofficerwasinthebathroomwhentheman

enteredthehome.Valatookhimdown.”

Maggiecouldfeelhiseyesonherasshecoveredherface.Valahaddoneherjob;sheputherlifeonthelinetosaveherandEli.Andnowhershunginthebalance.

“CanIseeher?”“Oncethisclearsup,you

certainlycan.”Whenthecruiserturned

intoherneighborhood,Maggie’sanxietyrose,almost

chokingherlikethepythonitwas.Sheheldherbreathasthecarroundedthecornerastheyclimbedthehill.Therewerepolicecarsalloverthestreet,twonewsvans,reportersspreadacrossthelawn.

“Wearenotinterviewing,don’tmakeeyecontact.”

Maggieagreed.DetectiveBrantpulled

intothedrivewayandushered

Maggieintothegarage.Sheclosedhereyesandbreathedindeep.

Thehousespreadoutbeforeherasifshewerenotwelcome.Theareawastapedoffandofficersstoodoutsidethehouse,mainlystudyingthesidedeckandthepointofentry.Sheabsorbedeverydetail.

Whensheenteredthehouseapolicemanwithacamerasteppedoutofthe

bedroom.MaggielookedatDetectiveBrant.“Wheredidhedie?”Hesufferedsomesevercutstohisheadandarmuponentry.Butfromwhatwecantell,heneverleftEli’sbedroom.”

Thewordsstung.Withhotwateryeyessheraisedherheadandstaredatthedetective.“AreyoutellingmethatJackdiedinmyson’sroom?

“Yes.”Herworldstartedto

spiral.WhatthehellwaswrongwithJack?Untilnowhisdemonicbehaviorhadbeenhiddenfromtheworld.Whatwasshedealingwith?Washeassickasthoseteenshooterswhoslaughterinnocentkids?WhatwouldshetellEliifhehadkilledVala?

Shestoodthere,asthepolicemeanderedthroughher

home,theinvestigatorsneededtointerviewher.ButMaggie’smindwassolelycapturedononething.Vala.

MaggiewasreadytoleavethehouseandattendtoValabutshewastoowearytodrive.ShecalledBen.

Herknightinshiningarmorarrived,standingoutsideliketherestofthespectators.WhenMaggieleftthehouse,sheshuffledherwaytowardhimandintoa

magnificenthug.Shefeltherbodyblendintohisasthoselovingarmsmadeallherstressmeltaway.

Maggiecouldn’tstop

thinkingaboutValaontheirwaytothehospital.ThebloodonthewallinEli’sroomwassmearedsixfeetwide.Thestainonthecarpetsoakedthroughthepad.Itwasenoughtobreakherheart.HowcouldJackwant

tokillthemotherofhischild,orevenworse,killhisson?

Shehadnochoicebuttolookatfacts.Jacktraveledhalfwayacrossthecountrytohuntherdown.Hecarriednoidentification,preplanningtoharmherandnotgetcaught.Hebuiltahideoutsomewhere;nolocalmotelhadeverseenhim.Andaftertheentireruckus,hehurttheonebeingthatheldherlifeinthehighestregard.Vala.

MaggiepoppedthecardooropenbeforeBenhadstoppedthecar.Sherushedinsideandinterruptedthereceptionist.“I’mheretoseemydogVala.Shewasbroughtitlastnightafterastabwound.”

Thewoman’searwasgluedtoaphone.Shebackedupherchairandcoveredthereceiver.“I’llbringyoubackinonesecond.”

Bencameinbehindher,

“Iseverythingallright?”“Yeah,theyaretakingus

toseeher.”“That’sgoodMaggie.

She’sstillalive.”Thewomanhungupand

walkedaroundthecounter.“She’safighterthatone.”

Maggiepusheduphersleeves.“Iknow.”

“LetmejustcheckwiththedoctorandthenIwillgetyoubackthere.”

“Yes,”Maggiecried

desperately.Weavingthroughthe

backhallthewomanupdatedMaggie.“Shemadeitthroughthenightbutshewasstillincriticalconditionearliertoday.”

“Ifyoudon’tmindIwouldrathernotknowthedetailsofherinjuries.Ijustwanttoknowifshewillrecover.”

“Wecan’tpromiseanything.Butitlooksgood.

It’suptoherhowthatlegheals.”

Maggiewasthankful.TheyletherviewValafromthedoorway,thedogwasasleepanddruggedbutshewasthereandMaggiewasabletobreathe.Hergirlwasalive,purelybyGod’sgrace.Itwasamiracle;thewholescenario,findingVala,gettingher,trainingher,andusingthoseskillstoprotectherandEli.Howcouldshe

notthankGod?

CHAPTERTWENTY-

FIVEElistackedthelittlejelly

packetsupashighashecould,whilewaitingforhisdinner.Thedinerwasbusyas

usualandMaggiepresumednooneintheSpringswouldrecognizethemfromthefiascoupthemountain.

Wordinthedinerwasabuzzwiththetopicofakillerontheloose.PolicehadensuredthatMaggieandhersonbeleftoutofthemedia,sincetherewasnotietothemandtheintruder.Withoutintent,withoutidentification,therewasnostory.

Clairewenttothehouse

toretrieveclothesforEli.Maggiemadeitclearshewasnotreadytogobacktothehouse.Afterdinner,thethreesomewatchedamovie.ElifellasleepbetweenBenandMaggieonthecouch,theperfectsafeplace.

WhenBengotreadytoleave,Maggiefeltatuginherheart.Shedidn’twanthimtoleave;sheneededthesecurityheoffered.

“Whydon’tyougo

homewithBen?I’vegotEli.He’snoproblem.”

Bensmiled,“It’sallrightbyme.”

Maggielookedatbothofthem,“Thankyouboth,foreverything.”

Herthoughtswerestillscrambled.Sheslippedonhercoatandheadedouttothedarknight,butwithBen,itbroughtnofear.

Turningintotheneighborhoodfeltstrange.

MaggietookBen’shand.She’dbesleepingdownthestreetfromthefatalaccident,onesheplannedforthathadnowcometrue.Theevents,asviolentastheywere,gaveherproofthathersuspicionswerejustified,thatitwasnotherparanoiabutherreactionandpreparationbecauseofthethreatofanother.ForMaggie,that“other”justhappenedtobeherex-husband.

Maggiewasawakewheneveryoneelsewasasleep.Shewasusedtobeingaloneatnightbutthistimehersurroundingswereunfamiliar.Shelayawake,notsureiftheanxietywouldsubsideornot.Theshadowsonthewallseemedtolurkaboveher.Sheheardnoises,unfamiliarnoisesthatstartledher.

EvenwithJackgoneshestillhadpatternsandbeliefsthatwouldtaketimeto

subside.Sheneededtoputhimoutofhermind,andoffherlips.Buthowdoyoudothatwiththefatherofyourson?Howcouldsheerasethedamage?

Withoutidentifyingthebody,MaggiewouldneverknowiftheintruderwasJack.Andleavingthatuptofatewassomethingshewasnotabouttodo.ShewantedproofitwasJack.Shewantedtoseehiscoldstiffcorpse.She

wantedtoputanendtoherterror.

Maggieclosedhereyesbeforethecoronerunzippedthebodybag.Jack’sbodylaycoldonatable,thoughtoheritstillseemedlikesomesickjoke.Shewaitedforhimtositupandtalktoherlikesomenecromancyfool.Hishumorhadnoendandhisevilgrewdeepereachyear.Nowittook

himdown.Sheidentifiedhimbyhistattoosandthewickedgrinonhisfacethatseemedtohauntherevenfromhisdeath.Thelacerationsonhisheadandarmswerenodifferentthantheseverebruisingthataccompaniedhistournamentsandtraining.Hewashappiestwhenhewasbleeding.ItseemedlikeJackhadbeenbleedinghiswholelife.

Inastrangewaythe

emptinessinsideleftassherecognizedthebody.

Maggiewalkedbacktohercarasifshehadwings.HerfuturewouldbefreefromthemadnessJackhadthrustuponher.Thestrugglewasover.Itwasfinallyover.

CHAPTERTWENTY-

SIXBencradledValaasif

shewerehischild.Maggiestoodatthehatchbackandopenedthedoorforwhat

wouldbethelasttime.Benplacedthedogintheback,herbreathingslowandcalm.ThetearsfellharderasMaggiecollapsedintothefrontseat.Shecouldn’tbearthethoughtoflosingVala.Backingawaypulledatherheart.Suffocatedbymemoriesthatshe’dforeverholddear,Maggieclosedhereyesastheydrovetothevet’soffice.Thiswouldbethehardestgoodbyeshe’dever

hadtosay.Fordaysprior,Vala

existedsolelyonmedsthatleftherincontinentandlethargic.Shewouldnotrecover—shesimplyexisted.Herpresenceinthehousewasmoreofaquietobserver,andaconstantreminderofthebeautythatoncewas.Unabletoliftupherhead,Elihadstayedbythedog.Hedidn’tunderstandthatshewasdyingorthatshewould

beleavingthefamily.MaggieshowedhimpicturesoflocalpuppiesandtoldhimthatValagotsickandneededtolivewiththedoctortokeephersafe.

Maggie’svoicewasriddledwithguiltandsadnessasherlittleboyhuggedhertight.“It’sokaymommy.Lovewillmakeherallbetter.”

Shecouldn’tlookatherwithoutcrying.Hereyeshad

beenredandtherewereonlyhoursleft.Valafoughthard.Shehadrecoveredfromtheincident,enoughtoliveanotheryear.

AstheydroveupthemountainMaggielookedfortheturnoffthatshetooktowork.Klaushadcometosaygoodbye.Valawasnestledinthecornerwhenhertrainercameby.Withtired,heavy,lethargiceyes,herquietspiritwassoothedbyhisvisit.And

thatwasit.Theveterinarianinvited

themduringlunch,sotheofficewouldbequietandstill.BenplacedthedogonthefloorandsatbesideMaggie,holdingherhand.

“You’resuchagoodgirlVal.Thesweetest,lovinggirl,”Maggiecried.

Thereminderthatshewasstillalivebecauseofthisdog,wasonethatwouldneverfade.TheVetexplained

theseriesofshots,andhowlongitwouldtake.“Therecanbesomeinvoluntarymovements,butshewillslipawaypeacefully.”

“Doyouneedsometimetosaygoodbye.”

Maggiewipedhereyes.“No.Sheisreadytogo.I’veheldontoherwaytoolong.”

Shelookeddownatthewhitebeauty.Valasatstill,almostinvitingtherelease.TheVetkneltbesidethedog

andreachedintohispocketfortheinjection.Thiscanhappenfast.AndIneedtowarnyou.Therecouldbesomeresidualmusclespasms,causingherbodytomoveoncetheheartstops.”

Bentookphotosofher.“Byesweetie.ByeVala,”hesaid.

“Maggieshookherheadandthenslidoffthechair.“WaitIwanttoholdherpawswhileshegoes.”

TheVetinjectedthesolutionasMaggiepetherhead.Vala’seyesclosedandwithinsecondsshewasgone.“Ithinkshe’salreadygone.”Hesaidasheplacedthestethoscopeonhersideandsighed.“I’veneverseenadogsoreadytogo.”

Maggieshookherhead.“Shewasinalotofpain.Shewasready.”

“Itwouldappearthatway,”Bensanktothefloor

andpetherhead.“Shestayedalivetoprotectyou.ShelivedforyouandEli.”

ThedoortotheexamroomopenedandtheypulledValaaway.Maggiewatchedasthedog’slifelessbodywastakenfromtheroom.Theofficeseemedcompletelyquiet.Maggiesattherewithherheadinherhands.“Shewasonlyfive.Shehadsomuchmorelife.”

“ShelovedyouMaggie.

Shegaveherlifeupforyou?”“Iknow,”shesobbedas

heheldherinatightembrace.“Thatmakesitsomuchharder.”Shevoicetrembled.“IfIhadn’tneededhertoprotectme,shecouldhavehadanormallife.”

“Butthatwasherlife.Shewasbredforprotection.Shedidn’tknowanyotherwayofliving.”

IfthetraitsofMaggieseemsimilartoyourthinkingpatterns,pleasetalkwithsomeonewhoknowsaboutanxiety,PTSDordomesticviolence.Morebooksandinformation

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