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‘‘A Recipe for A Recipe for Influence’Influence’Kathleen Deal, J.D.Kathleen Deal, J.D.

Professional Speaker & Professional Speaker & TrainerTrainer

Certified in Myers-Briggs Type IndicatorCertified in Myers-Briggs Type IndicatorCertified & Licensed in DISC Behavioral Certified & Licensed in DISC Behavioral

StylesStylesLicensed AttorneyLicensed Attorney

515.491.1305, 515.491.1305, kathdeal@gmail.com

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ReferencesReferences

Working Together Toward Conflict Working Together Toward Conflict Resolution…, Program on NegotiationResolution…, Program on Negotiation, , Harvard Law School, Negotiation Special Harvard Law School, Negotiation Special Report #9Report #9

Negotiation Skills Resource,Negotiation Skills Resource, Kathleen Deal, Kathleen Deal, Division Chief, United States Attorney’s Office (at the time written)Division Chief, United States Attorney’s Office (at the time written)

Creating Agreement, with a Focus on Creating Agreement, with a Focus on Personality & Communication StylesPersonality & Communication Styles,, Kathleen Kathleen Deal, J.D.Deal, J.D.

Coaching for Results, Including Dealing with Coaching for Results, Including Dealing with ‘Difficult People’!‘Difficult People’!,, Kathleen Deal, J.D. Kathleen Deal, J.D.

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Desired Outcome – Desired Outcome – Optimum Health through Optimum Health through

Nutrition -Nutrition - 4 Components of Your 4 Components of Your

Plan:Plan:#1.#1. Developing Developing

the correct the correct menu plan menu plan or regimen or regimen

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4 Components of Your 4 Components of Your Plan, continued…Plan, continued…

#2. Motivating staff #2. Motivating staff to follow the to follow the menu:menu:

accurately prepare it accurately prepare it accurately portion itaccurately portion it

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4 Components of Your 4 Components of Your Plan, continued…Plan, continued…

#3. Motivating #3. Motivating the the resident resident to to follow it follow it

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4 Components of Your 4 Components of Your Plan, continued…Plan, continued…

#4. Gaining the #4. Gaining the family’s family’s

supportsupport

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Common Common Denominators in 3 of Denominators in 3 of Recipe Ingredients = Recipe Ingredients = Working through Working through

Others!Others! #1 Factor, although involves research and #1 Factor, although involves research and

specialized expertise, is the easiest, right?!specialized expertise, is the easiest, right?! In other 3 factors, success depends upon In other 3 factors, success depends upon

others – free of resistance, apathy or others – free of resistance, apathy or failure to cooperatefailure to cooperate

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Influence is about Influence is about People. People.

Influence is an art that can be Influence is an art that can be

learned to cause people to learned to cause people to move in the direction of move in the direction of

uncertainty or to be motivated uncertainty or to be motivated to follow a certain course.to follow a certain course.

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Influencers Study Human Influencers Study Human NatureNature

A solid understanding of what A solid understanding of what motivates people is critical to working motivates people is critical to working through others.through others.

Effective influencers knows that the Effective influencers knows that the place to begin understanding others is place to begin understanding others is with themselves.with themselves.

Self-knowledge is the foundation upon Self-knowledge is the foundation upon which all the “people” skills of an which all the “people” skills of an influencer are built.influencer are built.

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A Proven RECIPE A Proven RECIPE for INFLUENCEfor INFLUENCE

Similar to ‘Interest Based Similar to ‘Interest Based Negotiations’, influencing others is Negotiations’, influencing others is based upon principles of based upon principles of psychology and human behaviorpsychology and human behavior

Seek to create agreementSeek to create agreement Accounting for and acknowledging Accounting for and acknowledging

the interests and feelings of othersthe interests and feelings of others

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4 Ingredients of our Recipe to 4 Ingredients of our Recipe to Create Agreement & Thereby Create Agreement & Thereby

Influence:Influence:1. PERCEPTIONS:1. PERCEPTIONS: Each interprets Each interprets

through own filter, through own filter, perceptions and fearsperceptions and fears

Realize that people’s Realize that people’s feelings are like balloons feelings are like balloons – can be easily ‘popped’ – can be easily ‘popped’ or deflatedor deflated

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2. EMOTIONS: The Power 2. EMOTIONS: The Power of Appreciation - of Appreciation -

EXPRESSEDEXPRESSED Show acknowledgement and Show acknowledgement and

sincere appreciation for the other sincere appreciation for the other person’s role in the ‘recipe’ person’s role in the ‘recipe’

Ask for input – make the other Ask for input – make the other person feel important and person feel important and specialspecial

Be a good listener – develop Be a good listener – develop active listening skillsactive listening skills

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3. 3. CommunicationCommunication

Communication problems are Communication problems are often, if not always, at the root of a often, if not always, at the root of a dispute or less than stellar dispute or less than stellar performance performance Asking Effective QuestionsAsking Effective Questions ListeningListening Understanding Personality & Understanding Personality &

Communication StylesCommunication Styles

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LISTENING – An Essential LISTENING – An Essential IngredientIngredient

Develop active listening skillsDevelop active listening skills Think of a time when someone Think of a time when someone

listened to you.listened to you. What did she do that made you What did she do that made you

feel she was listening?feel she was listening? What was her attitude toward you?What was her attitude toward you?

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Ingredients for Listening: Ingredients for Listening: Ears, Eyes, Undivided Ears, Eyes, Undivided

Attention, HeartAttention, Heart Listening is a disciplined skill Listening is a disciplined skill You can’t do two things at once if You can’t do two things at once if

one of them is listening. one of them is listening. You can’t listen if you are trying You can’t listen if you are trying

to figure out what to say. to figure out what to say.

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To See (or Hear) To See (or Hear) ClearlyClearly

You can’t listen if you are trying to You can’t listen if you are trying to figure out what to say.figure out what to say.

You can’t listen if you are assuming. You can’t listen if you are assuming. Listening for the heart… with the Listening for the heart… with the

heart… heart… To See (or Hear) Clearly To See (or Hear) Clearly

““It is only with the heart that one can It is only with the heart that one can see clearly; what is essential is see clearly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”invisible to the eye.” The Little Prince, The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint ExuperyAntoine de Saint Exupery

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Ingredients for Ingredients for Optimal Optimal

CommunicationCommunication An understanding of personality An understanding of personality

types is KEYtypes is KEY.. Know your own personality type Know your own personality type Learning to recognize clues as to the Learning to recognize clues as to the

other person’s personality preference for other person’s personality preference for communication andcommunication and

How to adapt your communications to How to adapt your communications to accommodate that of the other person accommodate that of the other person can transform the entire working culture! can transform the entire working culture!

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Skills to Respond to Skills to Respond to Negative FeedbackNegative Feedback

AcknowledgeAcknowledge Clarify for understandingClarify for understanding Implement ‘PADDING’ - technique Implement ‘PADDING’ - technique

for acknowledging the emotion, the for acknowledging the emotion, the feelings of the speakerfeelings of the speaker

Does not necessarily agree with Does not necessarily agree with the substance of the statementthe substance of the statement

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Responding to Negative Responding to Negative FeedbackFeedback

‘‘Padding’ psychologically Padding’ psychologically aligns you with the other aligns you with the other personperson

Extremely powerful toolExtremely powerful toolLearn to recognize & diffuse Learn to recognize & diffuse negative signals as soon as negative signals as soon as possiblepossible

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Examples of Examples of Padding, Padding,

CushioningCushioning ““Understandable…are you open to a Understandable…are you open to a

thought?”thought?” ““Many people have thought that.” Many people have thought that.”

(nodding head, pleasant smile)(nodding head, pleasant smile) ““I hear what you are saying.” (nodding)I hear what you are saying.” (nodding) ““That’s a good point. Are you open to That’s a good point. Are you open to

another perspective?”another perspective?”

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Additional Considerations: Additional Considerations: 90 – 95% of communication is 90 – 95% of communication is

nonverbalnonverbal Be Aware of and Address Power Be Aware of and Address Power

ImbalancesImbalancesActual and Perceived Power may Actual and Perceived Power may DifferDiffer

Cultural differences may contributeCultural differences may contributeRecognize there are formal and Recognize there are formal and informal forms of powerinformal forms of power

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In Seeking to Influence … In Seeking to Influence … ““Seek first to understand, then to be Seek first to understand, then to be

understood.” Stephen Covey, “Habit 5” understood.” Stephen Covey, “Habit 5” Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

For more information about bringing Kathleen For more information about bringing Kathleen to your Team for a Teambuilding, to your Team for a Teambuilding, Leadership, or other Communication Leadership, or other Communication program, contact:program, contact:

Kathleen DealKathleen Deal515.491.1305, 515.491.1305, kathdeal@gmail.com

I welcome your calls!I welcome your calls!