$0ME SWEET AND SOUR MEMORIES

8/17/2019 $0ME SWEET AND SOUR MEMORIES

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“the path we take makes us who we are”.

“LIFE” isn’t fnding yoursel, Lie is about reating yoursel.

!o do not run through lie so ast that you orget not only where

you ha"e been, but also where you are going. LIFE is not a rae

to win, but a #ourney to be sa"ored eah step o the way.

$e li"e our li"es in many oolish ways without e"en onsidering

how muh time we waste or anything. %ow muh time we ha"e

wasted today worring about ne&t year, about the ne&t '(years,

thinking about the uture, to the e&tend that we ha"e not been

ully li"ing e"en up to this "ery day)

*ur "alues in lie will hange. $hat is the important in lie..+

$hat is moti"ating us..+ $hat is dri"ing ator in our li"es..+ I we

really ontemplate death. It may ause us to reonsider our

"alues. It does not matter how muh property we ha"e, or we

annot take any o it with us. E"en our body has to be let behind

or other to dispose o in one way or another it is #ust a heap oreuse let behind. $e annot take with us any organ o our body,

whih we regard as "ery preious when we lea"e this world. -he

uality o lie is more important than mere material auisitions.

-he uality o lie is primarily the uality o our minds. %ow we

are li"ing today may be more important to us than many other

e&ternal things. /0- death and the uality o the mind ontrol the

ondition or rebirth. -his is one thing we take with us. -his is the

one inheritane that we do not lea"e behind or others.

1ll that will ollow us will be the ualities that we de"elop within

us, the ualities o the mind, the spiritual ualities and the good

or bad ualities. -hese are all that we inherit. -hese are the

onditions whih will determine our rebirth and shape the uture.

-hese in turn will gi"e rise to a new "alue in our li"es. $e may


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en#oy the millions we ha"e already gaind but it is more important

that we li"e peaeully and start to build up some "irtuous

ualities. It an ha"e a "ery good e2et on the way we li"e our

li"es and on the "alues we de"elop. It is not #ust a matter o being

suessul it is how we beome suessul3

4556, -hursday, appro&imately at 789( pm, a boy was born in

!ub:;i"isional %ospital, sister’s?.

1s time passes by I passed out e"ery le"els o lass e"ery year

and at the time shool was also adding more lass with our bath.

Inluding studies we use to ha"e many other lasses like art and

rat, games, physial traning, musi and dane et.,

/ut oremost we use to ha"e speial lass alled “"alue

eduation” and in that pertiular lass we were taught all the

good morals,about "aluable lie, ;i2erene between good andbad et,.. -here we were gi"en the knowledge o anient liestyle,

morals,"aluable things in lie, they also taughtus how to be a

good person an dso on rom di2erent holy books like /ible,

/hagwat @ita et,.


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In that stage o lie, I used to be a happy boy with a pure soul,

ree rom all tensions. I an still remember some o the aes o

sisters and there names like sister =owrin, sister Ahristen, sister

Belina et., they all played a "ery important role in my lie.

1s I was growen up with atholi nun’s , my soul was pure and

there was no alse thought in my mind at all. -hough I was a

%indu origin but I was brought up by my @randmother’s religion

“/uddhism”. /ut in mind I use to think that I was a hristain, I use

to worship Cesus Ahrist and ask him or help when I use eel

helpless and use to keep /ible underneath my pillow. In that

shool students were not more but e"ery one was riendly. $e

were taught to help eahother whene"er in need. -he shool

was situated below a small hill and a dense orest . Dery ew

houses were nearby but the en"ironment out there was not less

then a hea"en, garden ull o owers where birds and butteries

sing and dane, a small play ground where hildren plays "arious

games and lots o trees with blossom beside ground like an

a"enue street. I lo"e the en"ironment out there, e"en in holidays I

use to go there and spend sweet moments with sister’s.

/ut as the time passed by the day ame, the day to be apart,sine there was lasses till our. I was eeling bad that I’"e to

lea"e that shool to ontinue my urther studies.

!o I was send to another shool in th standerd, it was a %igher

!eondary !hool, till lass twel"e.

Few riends o mine rom same shool whih I studied beore was

also send there. -he situation out there was not a"ourable or

me. -here were bullies who always use to trouble me, and inreturn I ouldn’t do anything. -hough it was also a atholi shool

but the en"ironment out there was totally di2erent rom pre"ious

shool. -he situation was really bad or me as bullies use to

trouble me e"ery day. E"en I try to hange them by my lo"ing


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and riendly nature but I ailed3 1t that time all I an do was

ignore them and keep on with studies.

1ter one year o struggle, I reahed si&th standered. In that lass

there was many repeaters, many more bullies, the situation wase"en worst then beore. !o at that stage o lie, I deide to hange

my sel. 1nd rom there my new lie started.

-o be ool in lass I use to do "arious things as other guys use to

do. I pu2ed igerette or the frst time in si&th standerd at the age

o 44, to be ool I made tatoos and all. 1nd rom there I took a 0:

-urn in my lie. GuHng igerette beame my habit and that habit

lead me with many bully riends. 1ter that, I !lowly ame lose

to bullies and I #oined their group.

-hose bully riends taught me many rules.

%a ha3 one o my best rule or to say uote o our group was3..

“;on’t walk as i you rule the world,

$alk as you don’t are who rules it”.


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$hen I was in Jth I made a riend, he was one o the dealer o all

kinda stu2’s bad guys use to ser"e. %e was a 'nd year student and

I use to buy some stu2’s rom him. !lowly we beame goodpatners, to say best riends, lose to eahother, sharing

e"erything.

1t that "ery premature age I was taking all those stu2’s aint

thinking about my health. I use to go shool eeling high, ully

loaded, and use to bunk lasses. %ardly I use to attain my lasses.

1nd now I was one o the bully in the shool. I use to seiKe tiHn’s

rom #uniours, they use to hate me. I was really bad and it was

like lok started mo"ing wrong side oK beore other bullie’s useto grab my tiHn bo& and all I an do was to say its okay, but it

was not okay at all, I really hate them and wanted to smash

there aes.

$hile grabbing others tiHns I use to thinks those guys were

eeling the same I use to eel beore when I was a simple, peae

lo"ing boy but from inside I use to feel that being bad is what we

have to be in this cruel world or sur"i"ing,li"ing happily. /eause

a newly e"il was born inside me whih was slowly killing

%0B1=I-M” in me.

1t that time I don’t use to ha"e enough money or my drugs

dosage so some time I ha"e to rob my own home. !lowly I

started selling di2erent stu2’s and produts in shool in double

prie o purhase. Like wise I use to manage my regular dosage.

1t that time people use to all me “%0=-E” beause I was a guy

like a reedom bird, many people desire’s to be like me. I use to

hunt down any think that I liked. !o like that way my name

hanged to “hunter”.

;* =*- /EA*BE 1 !L1DE -* ;E!IE3


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%e, who is disontented, howe"er muh he possesses, beomes a

sla"e to his desires. 1ll the sages ha"e delared rom the

housetops that man an be his own worst enemy as well as his

best riend. -o be ree or to be a sla"e lies in his own hand.

/ut at one time when my dosage use to inrease more and more,

there was a problem o money and hard to manage at that time,

out o ontrol.

1t that time what I did was started a researh on drugs. I started

studing di2erent types o drugs, rom where its made, whih

produts are used in it, where an those produts ound

easily,whats its side e2et,how to ontrol it and o"er ome it and

so on.

1ter a researh o si& months, I diso"ered a new kind o

durg. Firstly I used that drug on a dog. 1t the beginning it

had many Flaws and many e&periment ailed. *=E $%* =EDE F1IL!3.

-he one who ne"er ails, is the one who ne"er tried.

/ut it didn’t ga"e up, I keep on in my researh and ater

understanding it deeply I was suessul in reating a new kind o

"ery powerul drug. I kept that seret within me oK i the ormula

o that drug leaked some how then whole generation will started

ser"ing it and that drug will spoil whole generation and I was to

be responsible or that whih I don’t want.

-o say what kind o drug was that3..+

I someone is treated with that drug he will start halluinating

ater thirty mins, he will see many things whih an keep a deep

ear in him. Like i someone has a stage:phobia and he is treated

with that drug he will halluinate, like a nightmare about ear o

stage. /ut what was surprising in it was that he tries to o"erome


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that ear in that trip o drug. Bostly that drug an be use as a ear

fghting drug. 1ter taking that drug a person annot stay in a

publi area more than thirty mins beause halluination in that

trip is di2erent, its dangerous some times, an ause serious

aident also. !o it is better to use that drug in a pri"ate plae orsome separate rooms. !ome times i two peoples are using that

drug together and i they two sleeps together at night, surprising

things happens out there, those two guys will ha"e the same kind

o dream and ollowing ne&t day they will be totally onused

beause they will not be able to say that what e"er dream they

had last night was #ust a dream or a at things that happened in

real world with them not in their dream. Like wise that drugs gi"es

many kind o eelings that an make you eelad"entureous,happy,sometimes also sary eelings et et in

boring liestyle.

It was a "ery high"oltage drug so ob"iously it had got some side

e2ets, and it was as ollowing8 keeping absent mind, making

mind dull, making body laKy as the power o that drug beomes

weaker et,.

*ne day my patner asked me what are you taking these days, youlook totally di2erent rom beore. =ow a days you don’t buy stu2’s

rom me, I know there is something that you are hiding rom me.

I told him, nothings there. -hen he ga"e me the sake o riendship

so I re"eal my seret to one o my best riend, Nthough e"ery

riend was best or me but he was lose to meO about that drug.

-hen he asked me that he want to eel that drug, as he was my

riend and and my dealer, I ouldn’t say no to him. !o I agreed to

gi"e him the dosage o that drug. $hen he was frst time treatedwith that drug, he was like a mad man. Firstly I thought that he is

ating like that way to play a prank on me but atually it was drug

whih made him like that.

%e was like totally insane and I ouldn’t lea"e him alone like that

so we booked a room and stayed together. -hat night we both use


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that drug in room and that drug made both o us loose ontrol out

o mind, we were like #umping on the bed and sreaming loud

wathing the singer “1&el oses” singing in a li"e perormane on

tele"ision. =early at ' am we stoped reating insane, turning

tele"ision o2, we two boarded on a bed and started talking aboutsweet moments o past whih we spend together. 1s we were

talking both o us ell asleep.

=e&t day we both were onused, as I started telling him about

my last night dream, he said I too had a same kinda dream. Firstly

I didn’t belie"ed him, I thought that he was #ust #oking with me

but when he ontinued my inomplete dream, I was surprised and

onused. %ow an that be3+

/ut in atual drug made like that. 1ter ew days I ome to

memoriKe in a way like a snail mo"es. I #ust remembered that we

both were mumbling in dream and pulling eahother. 1ter

understanding it deepely I ome to know that how it happened

that night. It was beause that night beore we went in deep

dream we were talking about our past memorise and that was in

our mind and how that drug played a role out there. In our dream

that drug made us eel that only we two are there near to eahother. !o in dream also we two were together wandering in

dreamland. 1nd as both were mumbling, both were listing to

eah other also. !o that drug played an important role out there,

it reate a illusion in mind ombining dream with the past

memories and what e"er we were understanding in mumbling

and hearing. !o this the reason behind the mystery o same

dream.

1bout “drug” it was a top seret between two o us. %e promisedme that he will not tell anyone about that drug.

!lowly that drug beame habituate and at the time I was sa"ing

enough money due to that reation.


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=ow e"ery thing was good, enough drugs, no money problem, a

tension ree lie and I was one o the bully and a ool guy o that

age. E"eryone wants to be my riend. $e ormed a fght lub and

all the uarrels between di2erent groups. !ome times we win and

some time we loose. -here when I was fghting a guy romanother shool, one o the brother rom our group started

heering up, ome on @uru beat him down, then e"eryone

started. 1nd rom there my riends started alling me “@00”.

Aoming home with a swellen eyes and bloody ae beame

regular due to fghts. 1t that stage I don’t like anyone o"ertaking

me, I had a thinking that e"eyone should be behind me so or

that I use to pratise bo&ing and other physial e&erise to gain

strength inorder to beat others.

*ne day my unle bought a bike or me and I was "ery happy or

that. I started going shool in bike, as I had an ad"antage o

ha"ing bike, it was easy to go anywhere. !o all the boader’s

student use to send me to buy di2erent stu2’s in town and I use

to gi"e those stu2’s in a double prie. Like wise I startted suppling

other bad kinda stu2’s in shool, like igerette,booKe,weed et

et,. and it was uite proftable or me.

0sually in a weekend’s I use to ride in deserted roads with riends,

we use to ha"e parties,bike raings, stuntings et,.

In that stage o lie I was guy with no problems and worries, I

was like a ree bird in a reedom sky. 1nd there people use

to all me “yder”.

=*- -* @*$ *L;

-hat man ne"er grows old who keeps a hild in his hearth.

$%1- $ILL %1GGE= $%E= $E @*$ *L;+1s we grow old , we beome both more oolish and wiser.


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%ehe those were the sweet and sour moments o my lie whih

an’t be orget.

!ome aidents and it sars still seen, and the regular fghtsinshool without any reason with other groups and sending

to head master with a swellen eyes and the blood nose.

FI@%- $I-%I= M*0!ELF$hen a man’s fght begins within himsel, he is worth

something.

!ome aidents while pratising stunts and some while raing in

the rowed areas to impress girls >haha?. 1nd some times bike

showing deet in a mid way in a mid night and spending whole

night in a deserted plaes with a kind o deep eeling o ear.

Like wise I en#oyed my shool lie, no one was there to stop me,

whih e"er lass I used to like I use to sit there, and i it eels

boaring I use to get out without saying anything to any. -alking

with girlriend in phone,listning song in a musiplayer and mostlysleeping in the lass while teahers there, but no one bothers to

are about me oK I was di2erent.

-here I was totally rude and knew I was in a wrong trak but I like

mo"ing orward in that trak. @oing shool tully and puHng weed

in lass. =ow e"en teaher’s use to hate me, I was like, “I don’t

are what other thinks about me”. !lowly I turned rude and withmy parents and amily too. $hen e"er there was money rises I

use to rob my own home. 1nd many times I was aught red

handed. *ten my parents were alled in shool by teahers and

always my mom use to ome and meet my teahers due to my

behi"our and bad sores in e&ams. /eore I used to ba a bright


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student but laterally I went down and down. -hey use to warn my

mom saying “this is the last time we are granting your hild” but

there was no last or me. It ontinued as it was. By mom use to

ae many problems reated by me. I use to eel bad, sometimes I

use to think that now as I’m popular, ha"e got power so an’t Ihange mysel a beore. *ne or twie I tried but as I ha"e got

that habbit it was not possible or me.

By parents tried to stop me but I didn’t. what I did was keep on

arguing them. I use to fght with them. 1t that time all my amily

members were against me.

/ut I keep on with my deeds. I was a guy without any worries, I

was li"ing a tension ree lie and I use to lo"e my lie.

*ne fne day, as I was on my way to shool, suddenly my sight

ell upon a girl ne&t to me. I ouldn’t see her properly boK I was

high at that time so I mo"ed little nearer to her. $hen I saw her

learly I was damn stuked at that frst look. AoK !he was like an

angel, dressed in blak holding a guitar. Bay be she was going

or some untion or show. %er deep set eyes the olour o sky,

her selender fgure, midnight blak hair,long eyelashes, lo"ely

red lips and dimpled heeks made me ell or her at frst sight.

-here I had a eeling that I ne"er had beore, that I ant e&plain.

Bay be beause I ne"er ell in lo"e beore. I didn’t let her out o

my sight. I was like #ust looking at her, I was not hearing any kind

o noises like traH noise or else see anything at that time. I

stood there awhile #ust looking at her untill her riends pik her

up. $hole day in shool I was #ust thinking about her, and at night

I ouldn’t sleep. !he was not going out o my mind. %er ae was

oming #ust in ront o me as I losed my eyes. 1nd that night I

wrote my frst song or a unknown girl


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1nd that song was like this3..

“she was #ust like an angel o paradise, allen down on earth #ust

or me.

;ressed in a blak like a rokstar, holding a guitar, oh it was damnute.

%er long blaik hair and her deep blue eyes3 made me all in

lo"e,

1nd that was my frst lo"e at frst sight3.frst sight3.frst

sight3.

A0L-ID1-E -%E %E1-%3. -he hearth is like a garden. It an grow ompassion or ear,

esentment or lo"e.$hat seeds will you plant there3+

1ter sine there, I was totally raKy about her. Cust thinking abouther day and night. I was like, trying to make her sketh out in

lass and e"ery lo"e songs seems like it’s made or me. Geople’s

use to fnd me smiling e"ery time, I use to lost in her dream e"en

in day, like while talking to someone or else in shool periods.

*ne e"ening as I had some stu2’s to buy, so I ame aross

market or shopping.

I was high at time, and at that "ery moment, I #ust saw herpassing through another lane ne&t to where I was standing.

I ran ater her, and alled her rom behind,”listen my dear”.

!he turned around, looked at me and said “ did you #ust alled

me”.


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I #ust ga"e a sweet smile and replied “yes”.

-hen she asked me, why+

I was like ner"ous and saying e"erything that amed in mind.

-hen she said,”what are you trying to say+ I ant understand)”

-hen what I did was, ollet all my guts in me and #ust speaked

out my eelings .

I #ust told her e"erything, where I saw her frst, how I was reating

ater I saw her, about the lyris I wrote or her,about dream I saw

about her and so on.

!he #ust gaKed me or awhile whithout speaking a single word. -hen she said,

“isn’t it happening like in a arKy lo"e story o bollyhood, haha.

I don’t e"en know you, allthough I am seeing you or the frst time

so how an I say .

!orry) I respet your eelings but I need some time to thyink

about that.

!o till then we an be good riends. I also appro"ed her deision.

-hen she aked me my phone number and she let.

1nd rom there we started speaking and hatting in phones .

!lowly we ame near to eah other sharing e"erything as a

riend.

1nd day we two deide to meet up while we were hatting, in a

riendly date. !he alled me up at 4(am in a publi park near by,I was eager to meet her so I went there beore the time we f&ed

to meet up, appro&imately at 589( and wait or her. I waited and

waited. 1ter an hour delay I alled her up but she didn’t reei"ed

my all. I tried and tried but she didn’t. I was like sitting in a

benh alone like a ool waiting her but when my wath showed


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me the time 4489(, I loose my patiene. I thought that she broked

her promise and betrayed me, I went to the bar near by and

started taking whishky pegs ater pegs. 1ter an hour I went to

that park again with a bottle o whishky. I was sitting in a same

benh and taking whishky and puHng igarette. -hen suddenly Isaw her oming towards me, frstly I eel happy deep inside, and

ater awhile I eel "ery angry. It was 4' 89( when she ame. !he

saw me with a bottle o whishky and ound me ully drunked. !he

was "ery disappointed seeing me like that. 1t that time I saw a

deep pain and disappointment in her eyes.

-hen I said,”I waited or you a long but as the lok was

mo"ing,the time was also mo"ing out. 1t one time I loose my

patiene and I thought that you betrayed me so in anger I took

the ompany o this whishky.

-hen she replied,”I was also eager to meet you but at morning all

o a sudden my mom ell ill, so I ha"e to rush toward hospital

immediately, and in that rush I let my phone in home only so I

ouldn’t inorm you. !he was admitted in hospital so I ha"e to

stayed with her. Bany thoughts were playing in my mind, a deep

worrie stood in my mind, and in that tension I orget that I ha"e tomeet you.

1nd at one time when my mother remind me that I was telling her

yesterday that tomorrow I ha"e to go somewhere, whih I e&used

#ust to meet you up. -here I realise that I ha"e got a date with

you and I am really late. -hen I let my mom alone there saying

that I ha"e got some urgent work to do.

I let my mom alone in hospital and ame to you, ;o you knowwhy+

/eause I had started eeling or you @oddamn. 1nd do you e"en

are or my eelings.


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-hough I was late but I ame with a hope that I will spend ew

minutes with you and share my eelings but !eeing you like this,

my eeling rashed down. Mou promised me one that you’ll not

take all those bullshit, but you’re a lier and I hate you or that.

!hedding ew tears down she ran away.

1nd I was seeing her with a broken heart sitting in a benh o

lonely park. !uddenly a dark loud appeared in my eyes and

e"erythings seems like oggy and I was #ust looking at her

running. 1s she was passing the bridge wiping her tears with

hand, I had a eeling that some one #ust stole preious thing o my

lie and I ouldn’t say it’s mine in uture i I didn’t stop it now. -wo

drops o tears roll down rom my hiks and then I also ran uikly

ater her, I grab her hand,pulled her near and huged her tight. I

looked in her eyes, I ould see many worries,tensions and

dissapointment in her blue eyes. -hough I had a stone heart but

at that time some thing mirale happened out there and the stone

melted down. !hedding ew tears down I apologiKe and promised

her that I’ll do whate"er she says.

-hen she took out a white hanky rom her bag and wiped my

tears.

!he ga"e me a sweet smile and huged me tight and whispered

sotly in my ear”I lo"e you”.

1t that time it eel like its spring though it was winter. 1nd

suddenly that lonely park turned a beautiul garden with lots o

beautiul owers and it was like @od has send angels down to

make the moment beautiul. /lossoms were alling down on us

and then she looked in my deep eyes and I too looked in her eyes. -hen she losed her eyes, she was looking like a angel and my

heart was saying she is the one or you, ne"er let her go. -hen I

slowly leaned orward and kissed her.

$e had some sweet time together, shared eah others eelings.


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1ter that we ame lose to eah other and I used to think that we

two were the best ouple in this world. 1nd rom there a story o

my frst lo"e started.

1nd in other hand >another sene o my story, at home? myparents were worried thinking about my uture. !eeing his son

mo"ing in a wrong trak and not able to stop him, my dad stop

talking with me, e"en my amily members. By dad had ormed a

deep eeling o hatred or me. !eeing this I use to eel "ery bad,

!eeing that own dad dosen’t want talk with me, relati"e turning

their bak, seeing mom’! ae with lots o worries , I ome to

realise that now its time to stop all those things and be what I was

beore. !lowly I hanged mysel and ame to rid o all those

things. I started meditation to get rid o all those bad thoughts.

-hen I deide not to do the same mistake I did in my past and ask

my parents to orgi"e me. -hough my mom orgi"e me but my

dad didn’t.

Its says that the greatest git e"er gi"en by a person to another

person is his trust towards another.

I was eeling really bad at that time oK my dad don’t trust me

any more. I tried to apologiKe but he was like not e"en want to

see my ae. I knew apoloKy was not enough to melt his heart so I

turn slowly with my studies, stay at home and help my mom with

her work. /ut he ne"er try to see what I was doing. /ut I ne"er

ga"e up, as I was a hanged person, let all the bad things but my

aim was to win my ather’s trust or me so I keep on like that ,

attaining lasses, going regular tutions, helping mom and my

sister with their work and so on.

1t the same time my best riend was regularly ser"ing that drug

whih I in"ented. I tried to stop him but he was engaged deep

with that drug so I thought that with time he will also realise as I

did. !lowly we two lose riends beame ar rom eah other as I


17/43

was trying to run away rom all those things and at the same time

my buddy was hasing those things.

Like wise there was a ommuniation gap between us.

1nd in another sene o the story, me and my girlriend ame"ery lose, there was a deep lo"e between us, lots o sms and late

night phone alls.

*ne night we were hatting down in aebook, it was her birthday

ne&t day and we were making plan or it sine a month beore.

!uddenly I got a all rom a unknown number, it was my buddy’seldier brother’s all. %e was weeping in the phone, I asked him,

what’s wrong bro+ anything wrong+++

%e told me that his brother was engaged with drugs and they are

not fnding out any way to sa"e him. %e wants to meet you so an

you please ome to our plae tomorrow. 1t that time I was eeling

realy bad beause I was the one who taught him all about that

drugs.

-hen keeping a stone in heart I said,”brother tomorrow its my

girlriends birthday and we ha"e planed or it sine a month

beore so bro please try to understand I will ome some another

day”. -hen he said that his ondition is really bad and dotor has

already told them that he has got "ery less time let and he was

shiting to another hospital ater two days in Dellore.

1ll o a sudden my happy moment turned a worst nightmare.

1 FIE=; I! =EE;E;3.+

1 riend in need is a riend indeed.

For what are riends+

1s a sta2 to the lame.


18/43

1s a tent in the rain.

1 true riend is lie’s greatest gain.

Few drops o tears roll down and I was like not getting a way out, I

was not able to deide what to .

1nd at the time my girl riend ound my all waiting as I was busy

speaking with brother and I ouldn’t put him in hold oK "ery

important on"ersation was going on.

1t that situation I was not understanding what to do, I was eeling

helpless and many things were playing in my mind and it ga"e a

deep tension. !o I thought that, that drug will help me out o this

situation so I started ati"ating ormula breaking promise. 1ndater ormula was ati"ated, now you all know how it works as it is

mentioned abo"e. -hat night I had a "ery sweet dream, I saw

that me and my buddy ha"ing a nie time together, I was eeling

"ery happy oK I ha"en’t seen him rom many months not e"en in

dream. 1nd suddenly we were spending good times together,we

were laughing and daning, teasing eah other, ollowing

beautiul girls and teasing them together and some naughty

deeds together. It raised a deep happiness in my heart. /ut storyo that dream didn’t fnished there, that dream was trying to say

some thing to me, it was like a onsiene trying to speak out

some thing but i was not understanding it.

-hen I ome to realise in dream only that I ha"e to be with my

buddy, he need me right now, my girlriend an wait or me and I

ould make her understand my worst situation later but my buddy

don’t enough time.

-hen I woke up, it was almost 689( am. I went in a kithen made

a strong o2ee, drinked it down and ater being resh I went out

looking or a ta&i towards !iliguri.

1round 89( am I got one and hired it.


19/43

1s we were in a hal way I ome to realise that I orget my ell

phone in my room only, I was saying to mysel,”what a idiot I

am)”.

I reahed !iliguri at around 78'(, I went to buddy’s home diretlywithout going anywhere. I reahed there, his brother was happy

to see me there, his mom and dad were looking "ery pityul, lots

o tension and woories or there son who was in that ondition

and I was eeling "ery guilty. -hen his brother took me to his room

but I was "ery disappointed beause I didn’t ound him out there.

-hen I asked,”brother where is he+ I want to meet him right now.”

%e told me that he is in hospital with a "ery bad health. !uddenly

e"ery thing beame dark in my eye’s and I was memoriKing sweetmoments o past whih we spend together. -hen I rushed towards

hospital with his brother. I reahed his hamber, I saw him rom

the window, he was in deep pain. I thought it would be better to

meet dotor and ask about his health beore so I went through

dotors hamber, he told me that his kidney is totally damaged

due to e&ess aloholi drinks in this premature age but that’s not

all, he was taking some kind o drug that has a2et a lot in his

brain and that’s the reason why he always stays absent minded.%earing that I was damn stuked, no eeling were there, only

thing that was in my mind was that I was responsible or my

riend ondition and it was killing me rom deep inside. -ears ow

like a ri"er rom my eyes, I ne"er ryied like that in my lie beore.

I was not able to ontrol o"er my emotions, then his brother ame

to me and said bro) ontrol yoursel, how an you meet him like

this, I don’t want you to meet him in this ondition. %e is eager to

meet you, now ommon dude wipe your tears and go to him witha smile in a ae. Like he said I entered his hamber with a big

smile in ae though it was a ake smile in my ae, rom inside

my heart was sreaming with the tears o blood. %e also pretend

like he is normal but I ould see the pain in his eyes.

-%E G11;*P *F *0 1@E3


20/43

“$e ha"e bigger house but smaller amilies

Bore on"enienes, but less time

$e ha"e more degrees, but less #udgement

Bore e&perts, but more problems.

Bore mediines, but less healthiness

$e’"e been all the way to the moon and bak, but ha"e trouble

rossing the streets to meet the new neighbour.

$e build more omputer to hold more imormation to produe

more opies then e"er, but ha"e less ommuniation

-hese are the times o ast oods but slow digestion

-all man but short harater

!teep profts but shallow relationships.

It’s a time when there is muh in a window, but nothing in the

room.

LIFE B0!- E1A% I-! ;E!-I=M3

*ne lie is launhed, like a bullet it rushes to its destination Q

death.

-hen he said”fnally you got time or me ater a year, anywayslea"e it and tell me) $hat you brought or me +”

By hands were empty,I ha"e got nothing or him, I was eeling

bad, then I repiled “I ha"e got true riendship or you.”

Is it so brother+ %e asked)


21/43

-hen I nod my head gentle indiating “ME!”.

-hen with a sot "oie he said,”i it’s like that, then I ha"e some

thing to do, a kind o last wish, as you too know that I ha"e not

muh time let. !o brother, an you please ulfll my last wish.;on’t talk nonsense, I’ll slap you down i you speak a word more.

=othing will happen, we ha"e muh more to do, beli"e in @od and

e"ery thing will be fne.

=o one an,not e"en 1lmighty, oK I ha"e done many sins in my

lie and it’s the punishment or those sins. /ut you tell me, will

you ulfll your buddy’s last wish+

*b"iously bro, tell me what is it+

%e tells me that he want to ha"e a sweet time with me, want to

do all things we use to do beore, and also to ati"ate ormula,

whih was against dotors ad"ie.

I told him that you are ill man, you reo"er frst then we’ll ha"e

all the un, *


22/43

%is words touhed me but what an I do+ %is parents will ne"er

allow what he wants to do. I was eeling "ery bad. -hen I asked

him but how an it be..+ Mour amily will ne"er allow that. Mou on"iene my brother, he will handle down.

/ut how to on"iene him+

Mou think about it, saying that he took some mediine and turned

bak and went or a nap.

;otor told me that, mediine he was taking was "ery powerul

and makes people eel sleepy ater taking it.1t that time I was "ery onused and I was not understanding that

situation, I was not getting the solution out.

1s I went out his hamber, I saw his brother, his eyes were flled

with tears.

%e heard e"ery thing , our on"ersation as he was behind window.

I ould see the pain in his eyes then tears burst rom his eyes,

then he told me to take him out ne&t day and make him happy,ulfll what e"er he wants to and he will on"iene his dad and

handle situation.

1ter hearing that I was eeling little better as a big burden in my

heart was relie"ed.

-hen he took me to a bar near by, he started taking pegs ater

pegs and I too ga"e him ompany as we both were in stress. %e

started owing his eelings and hearing that I was eeling "erybad, guilty orm inside as I was the one who in"ented that drug

and ga"e him the ormula o that drug.

1s we were taking pegs ater pegs were both beame tully and at

one time he beame out o ontrol as he started shouting at


23/43

waiter’s using slang words when e"er our drinks ame late,

smashing tumblers to let his ustration out, then he slaped

manager when he ame there to alm him down, whih reated a

huge problem out there. I ould understand how he was eeling

but I ouldn’t e&plain others, hehe so we were banged by thesta2s out there.

-hen we were kiked out o that bar ater banged up.

I took him home, we went home by walking and in the way he

was like kiking stay dogs and dustbins.

1nd when we reahed home it was almost 4489( pm, we went to

him room diretly and slept together in him room.

1t morning 7 am I was woked up by his alarm, I went to bathroom

to be resh, and when I saw the mirror I was shoked. By let eye

was dark blue in olour and there was a dry blood spots in nose

and it due to last night uarrel in that bar. -hen I heard knoking

at the door, it was aunty with two ups o o2ee. !he handed o"er

that oo2ee and went down without saying anything.

-hen I alled him to gi"e o2ee, he was still in bed uddling under

blanket, when he ame out o that blanket I laughed seeing his

ae, I ouldn’t ontrol my laughter as his eyes were swellen and

one tooth was missing.

1nd as making un o eah other we two get ready to lea"e

towards hospital to meet him.

I bought a an o red bull or him and went to him with a big smile

in my ae as his parents allowed him or a hangout with me.

-hen as it was deided, we two went out or a hang out #ust or

un and hill out as we used to do ew year beore. %is brother

handed him his 1-B ard and told him that do what e"er you like.

%is brother was a nie guy, he was a bank manager and also use


24/43

to take tutions to shool students. 1 kind o hard working working

person.

$e had a nie time, also we met some one in a pub that night.

!he was my old riend and aslo his e&:girlriend. -hey had therebreak up due to his silly mistake and her misunderstandings.

1ter ew months o there break up he turned like that seeing his

@F with other guy beause he still use to lo"e her.

I talked with her and ome to know that her boyriend betrayed

her.

!o then I told her about my riend, that how he turned o"er ater

there break up and his urrent ondition, regarding all her

misunderstandings and his silly mistake.

1ter hearing that she was speehlees, only tears were bursting

out o her ute eyes. Bay be she too lo"ed him truly as he do but

due some misunderstandings and there ego broked there

beautiul relationship #ust like that, like an egg that’s turns into

omelette in a rying pan instead o e"ol"ing into hiken. 1 sad

twist in a story ew years beore.

1t that time I suddenly realise that i I make them together, a re:

pathed:up then it would be little good thing that I ould do or

him.

!o I talked with her and on"iene her to go or a dir"e with him.

!o then they went out or a dri"e and I stood out there in a bar.

1ter ew hours they ame to pik me up, there was a deep

happiness and a big smile in both ae and I ould see that whihmade my heart a tender touh and that eeling, *h) I an’t

e&plain in words.

-hen we went to drop her home, and while returning we get some

stu2s rom the market o night and booked a nie room.


25/43

-hen we started hittin’ up beer elebrating together ater years,

puHng weed in a water gun with a loud stereo,wathing some

a"orite mo"ies olletion o his.

*ur hoie in many ase were more or less same, we use towath omedy mo"ies related to weeds and other stu2s. $e were

ha"ing un a nie time.

-hen I asked him,”so dude what happen in your date, did you tell

her what you eel or her and how muh she mean to you3+

%e #ust ga"e me a slight sharp smile and then shot down beer

boottle a bottom shot. %e was looking happy and seeing him I was

eeling happy too.

$e were ha"ing a nie time, shotting down pegs ater pegs, bottle

ater bottle, pu2 o2 weed, and in a high mood daning on a bed

wathing metal song in a -D.

-hen suddenly he got a all, and slowly his smile in his ae was

adding out.

-hen he rush toward washroom, when he ame bak his mood

was hanged, he was looking sad.

%e pretend to be like ha"ing un but in my eyes he was not, he

was showing a ake smile in his ae.

I asked him, whats the matter..+ /ut he didn’t replied me properly.

-hen he asked to use that ormula, I was hesitating and ignored

him one but he didn’t listen to me.

1s he said we ati"ate that ormula, and within hal:an:hour weboth were wild, totally blank ater ew hours.

1t morning I ound my sel in the terrae orner, with aloe"era

pot.


26/43

/ut he was missing, I rush towards room but he was neither there,

I was tensed as he was missing and e"en his phone was swith

o2.

-hen ater a while I got a all rom a unknown number, it was him.Firstly I sold him, then he said he yesterday we both were wild

and he got a te&t rom his e&:girlriend in"iting both o us to her

house as it was her birthday, I stayed in the room, and he went

out there. -hen I ome to remember things slowly. I went to the

room to be resh, there I ound a bottle o tuborg, it was inside the

water buket. !eeing that salai"a start owing in my mouth, I was

eeling laKy hango"er, so I shot it down .

-hen I took a shower, then inhale rushed weed in a watergun

and hekout rom that hotel room.

-hen I went to Elisha house to pik him up and take to hospital as

it was a deal with his brother that I ha"e to bring him anyhow to

hospital bak ne&t day.

!o I reahed there, alisha made a nie o2ee or me, when e"er

we pu2 weed ater that hot tea or o2ee taste awsome. I en#oyed

e"ery sip o that o2ee.

1s time ne"er stops or any one, the time ame, though we both

were ha"ing nie time, un en#oying eah and e"ery minutes o

the rest lie, espeially him, as he has got not muh more time

but what to do+ It was a deal his his brother, so he ame bak

keeping a stone in heart.

I was eeling a kind a bad eeling, as he was en#oying eah

moment o his lie, that happiness in his ae, whih made me eel

inner peae too.

/ut today as I’m dropping him bak to hospital, looking at his lost

ae, a ae with many desire’s , many plans to be done, and a

ear, a kind o uestion in his mind that he ould able to do that


27/43

or not + as he has not got enough time and I ould eel his

eelings, I was seeing many desire’s in his eye’s, I eel really bad,

my heart was rying a blood tears but rom outside some how I

managed, I pretend to be normal and I was gi"ing him many

suggestions to fll enough onfdent in him to be strong to ae hisurrent problems.

1s we reahed hospital, e"ery one was there,his riends,

amily,relati"es all to see him.

I look at him, there was a happiness as well as some sadness in

his eyes.

-hen all o a sudden, his health turned bad, he was immediately

send to I.A.0.

-hen ater hal an hour later dotor ame out his hamber.

Baking a sad ae dotor says that his health is going down day

by day, he must immediately reered to another !uper !pialist

%ospital. !aying that dotor mo"es out, then suddenly I eel like

dene blak is o"ering our lie, his whole amily were rying,

e"en riends. It was a "ery bad situation I’"e been through.

-hen his big brother deides to take him to Dellore or his urther

treatment in a ad"ane hospital.

E"ery thing was managed, ta&i was waiting outside, I was talking

with him or the last time, I don’t know whether we ould talk

again or not.

%is brother was shouting rom outside standing near ta&i,

ommon, mo"e out ast, its already late3)

-hen we mo"e out, his relati"e’s,amily,riends were waiting

outside.

%e huged e"ery one and then he was ready to mo"e towards

airport, he get in the ar and the ar mo"ed away and I ran ater


28/43

it. !lowly ar went ar and I stopped running as I had a bad

stamina.

-hen suddenly ar stopped as it rossed the gate, he ame out

and run towards me, he huged me tight, my tears burst rom outand roll down my hiks.

-hen he looked at me and asid,” don’t worry buddy) I’ll be here

soon, we will again en#oy our lie as we used to do beore, but

unortunately in the mid way suddenly our mind di"erted and we

beame busy and ar rom eah other but don’t you worry now)

1s we are now together we’ll en#oy here ater, so wait or me *


29/43

I dialed that number , then it started ringing, it ringed and ringed

but no answer then all disoneted and I was thinking why the

hell both mom and daughter not reei"ing my all.

-hen I tried again, it started ringing and fnally some one reei"edmy all it was her Bom. !he asked me who am I..+ and whom I

want to speak with..+ in a nie way.

It was more or less 589( pm, then I replied, I’m sorry to all you

late night but it was emergeny,“I’m Emma’s riend aunty),I want

to speak with her..,+” last time when she alled me, she alled

rom this number and today I tried to all her many times but she

didn’t answered my all. !o I all in this number. Aan you please

gi"e the phone to her so I ould talk with her..)

%er pet name was “Emma” e"eryone use to all her “Emma” in

home as well as in shool.

-hen she shouted) Emma) It’s your phone, but she didn’t ame

down her room, guess so she didn’t heard her mom shouting.

!o aunty went up to gi"e her phone, and I was listining eah ande"ery thing areully as I was in my room alone.

$hen aunty entered Emma’s room, I guess so she was rying

oK I ould hear her mom speaking to her through phone.

1unty asked her..+ Emma are you rying+ -hen she replied, no

mom) Cust I was looking out through the window, suddenly wind

blew some sand and dust in my eyes, that’s all..)

1unty again asked her, is e"erything fne..+ Meah) E"erthing’s

fne Bom..)

-hen aunty ga"e her phone saying it’s your riend. $ho+++

!hokinglly..)


30/43

I don’t know3+ $hy don’t you speak..+

-hen she, “helooo” who is it..+ with a raked "oie.

I was slient or a while, netheir she speaked a word.

-hen I,”hello Emma..) it’s me..) I’m sorry..))) I ouldn’t inorm

you that I suddenly ha"e to rush some where and in that rush I

let my ell phone in my room, I ome to realise that I ha"e let

my phone in my room when I was in I mid way, I ouldn’t turn

bak as It was "ery important or me to be there in time so I #ust

went out there, so baby sorrry..) please orgi"e me this time..)))

I was saying those abo"e words, you know like with attitude,in a

#okeey way, #ust to make her 0G3)))

!he was silent or a while then she,”Bom it was a wrong

number, i again he alls then don’t reei"e it ok and now I’m

eeling sleepy so good night, then she ended the all.

I was eeling "ery bad, you know like, I was blaming mysel or

e"ery thing.

FLEE-I=@ =1-0E *F LIFE3

Lie, personality, pleasure and pain,

-hese last but one through moment.

-hus, suddenly e"erything passes away.

-hat night I ouldn’t sleep, not e"en or a seond, many things

were wandering in my head, whih was uite disturbing, and

whole night I was drinking and smoking wathing some omedy

mo"ies olletion.


31/43

I was awake till sun ame out and moon hide itsel somewhere in

the bright light o sun.

-hen I ame out o my room and had a shower, and ater being

resh I took a nie strong o2ee made by mysel. -hen I engagedmysel in regular house work.

I was leaning my room as well as the surrounding, while leaning

my book sel, a diary ell down, and it was her diary but I ne"er

notied it beore.

I opened it, at the frst page there was a piture pasted and it was

her photograph, a ute one with a big smile, she was with the

same dress whih she wored when I frst saw her and at that frst

sight only she tooked my heart out o my hest, and I guess so

that’s the reason why non o the other girls pulled my attention

towards them, there was only one speial girl In my mind as well

as heart, and it was her.

/ut due to suh misunderstandings, she was mo"ing away rom

my lie.

1t that time I realise how muh she mean to me, whats her worth

in my lie,

-hen, I deide to meet her up in her way to home ater shool and

lear out her misunderstanding’s.

I went her shool but the gate keeper didn’t let me in oK I was lil

drunked so

I waited her near shool, I ame hal and hour earlier, so i again

took a bottle o beer rom the near by shop as I was alone.

1s bell rang, all students ame out o gate rushingly to get bak

home, then I saw her in the middle o the rowd oming out with

her riends.


32/43

I alled her, but she didn’t respond, she heard me but she was

ignoring me.

I again alled her with a loud sream in the mid town withoutbothering about anybody. /ut she keep on mo"ing with her

riends ignoring me.

1nd at one plae she aparted rom her riends as there route to

home was di2erent.

-hen I went straight to her, grabed her hand and asked her to

orgi"e me or my silly mistake. !he ga"e me a urious look and

asked me what was the reason..+++

I told her e"ery thing about my riend and how I let my ell

phone in my room and the reason I ouldn’t inorm any thing to

her.

!he got "ery angry and I ould see the ury in her eyes, then she

shed her ew tears down. -ears rolled down her hiks and It all

down drop by drop rom the tip o her hin. -hen she said, I’m

nothing to you isn’t it, your riends are only e"ery thing or youisn’t it. I was eeling bad and I was trying to on"iene her but

she didn’t listened non o my words.

-hen started insulting my buddy, saying I know there are many

riends to spoil you but non o them will be there when you are in

need. $ith a great anger !he was telling many things about him

without knowing the real truth whih was uite painul to hear,

that some one is insulting my riend, speaking anything that

ame in her tounge. 1nd at that mean time I was realising hard

time we spend together, what e"er dotor told me about his

ritial ondition, his brother’s ae and his parent’s ae were

oming #ust in ront o my eyes, and his words whih was "ery

painul to hear saying that “I too had many desire’s, many dreams

but all my desires and my dreams, it sinked down like -itani


33/43

killing many dreams and desire’s somewhere deep in the great

oean. =ow my lie is not less than hell, I su2er eah seond o

my lie, and do you know..+ what eels worst..+++

I’m still a "irgin.”

1t that time his eah and e"ery word was wandering in my head,

his brother’s, his parents ae with a great grie was oming #ust

in ront o my eyes and that burden o pain was "ery hard to bear

and I ouldn’t ontrol o"er my hand and I #ust slapped her with my

ullest ore saying “Enough)”.

%er tears shed like a monsoon rain, she didn’t speaked a word,then she #ust mo"ed rom there lea"ing my hand and e"en I

ouldn’t say any thing nor I ould stop her.

!he #ust mo"ed rom there wiping her tears #ust like passing

train.

I ould eel that she is mo"ing away rom my lie and will ne"er

ome bak again.

I wahed her passing till she "anished in that dene oggy

e"ening.

1nd suddenly It eel like my lie is slowly o"ered by a blak

dene loud, like how it eels like when dark louds o"ers the sun

in a bright sunny day speially when some speial plans are there.

I stood there awhile, and then I went to a bar near by.

I started taking shots ater shots but I didn’t get drunked enoughto relie my pain inside.

-hen I went bak home, I loked mysel in my room, I tried to

sleep but I ouldn’t , due to suh stress o mind.


34/43

1t that time all I needed was someone’s tight hug but no one was

there, not e"en my mom.

In my whole lie, I’"e ne"er been a good son, so I how ould I

e&pet a aring tight hug rom my parents.!o that night, I was speaking to mysel sitting in ront o mirror.

“By lie has beome a mess, now I don’t see any reason to li"e,

my lie has beome worthless all ull with sorrrow’s and regrets

whih hurts me up deep inside and now that pain, its "ery hard to

bear.

;eep inside I was thinking o suide, and I deide to relie that

pain by gi"ing up my lie.

!o I deide to en#oy my last night, I was like taking shots ater

shots, puHng lu" and kush in and out in a watergun and wathing

mo"ie till birds started singing in a beautiul tune.

I open my window, I ould see dawn alling down slowly, bringing

a beautiul red oloured sun and I ould see that "iew out through

my window.

I paused awhile there and I was eeling the beauty o nature.

-he "iew o a hill at the frst dawnall, where a light red olour was

emerging slowly rom the orner beneath that hill and it was the

frst light on earth.

It was a beautiul red oloured sun whih was slowly oming out

spreading its warmth and light in our lie, only ew stars and aading moon ould be seen abo"e the hill.

It was really beautiul, like as i @od himsel was speaking, but I

ouldn’t understand it properly.


35/43

I ame out, it was damn beautiul, the frst winter dawn all. It

was not less than the hea"en and I was eeling the beauty o

nature.

-hen I went out or a walk thinking that it’d be my last morningwalk.

1nd as I was walking down our "illage street, I reahed our old

"illage stream, was there sine many generations.

-here I saw a man and two kids, those two kids were the son o

that man.

-here that man was helping his two son in n bathing, seeing that

it made me eel good.

-hen I too took o2 my -:shirt and #umped in that stream and took

a nie bath.

1s I was playing with that old and resh winter stream water, I

was eeling like that water o that stream was purifng my soul as

well as leaning up my outer body.

1ter taking a nie bath with the nature, I was eeling resh ne"er

beore, then I returned bak my room and hanged my lothes.

I wanted to see my amily or the last time so I went up to the

kithen and prepare a nie tea by my own and ser"e it to my

mom with some bisuites in her bed as she was still on bed, my

sister was re"ising her syallabus as she was ha"ing her e&ams so I

didn’t disturb her. !eeing that my mom was amaKed and

speehless.

-hen I too had that tea, I en#oyed e"ery sip o that tea, don’t

know why eah and e"ery thing, e"en small things seems speial

that day.

-hen as deided, I let rom home saying that I was going to

shool but I didn’t went to shool.


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Last night I deide to uit my lie along with my bike, I planed to

#umped inside the deep ri"er along with my bike so I ride my bike

towards ri"er side.

I was in shool uniorm and I was speeding up in bike withoutreleasing alerator, I didn’t are about ollowing any traH rules

or aring about aident.

-he only thing that was in my mind was that I’"e to #umped down

into the ri"er along with the bike to gi"e up my lie to get relie

orm inner pain. -wie I hardly sa"ed mysel rom a teribble

aident but I didn’t slow down my bike.

1t one plae it was narrow road and beore me there was a huge

truk whih o"ered the whole road. I tried to o"ertake it but

there was no spae to go through so I’"e to ride behind that truk

or awhile.

$hile I was behind that truk, I notied something.

1t the bak o that truk a little abo"e number plate, there was

written some thing,

“ =e"er E"er @i"e 0p3.)”

“=o matter what..+ Lie @oes *n33”

-hat strike my mind, my onsiene was trying to tell me

something but I ouldn’t understand it niely. !o ignoring that

words I o"ertook that truk at the ne&t banner and keeping on

speeding .

-hen as I was about to reah my destination I saw a temple and

stopped there thinking that one I must "isit @od beore lea"ing

this world. I went inside the temple but that day I didn’t ask

@*; anything or me. I #ust made a humble reuest saying

that,”don’t e"er let anyone eel the same like I’m eeling right


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now. I an bear the pain o hundreds o bullet in my hest but not

this kind o pain I’m ha"ing.”

!aying that I ame out o the temple, and while I was oming

down the temple stairs, I saw a poor amily on the other side othe stairs. -hey were the amily o our like mine, a ather, a

mother, a son and a daughter. I stood there awhile, and analise

that inident "ery areully.

-hey were ha"ing their breakast together. -hough they didn’t

ha"e muh ood but they were ha"ing that little ood together,

en#oyingly. -hat ood was not e"en enough or a single person but

also they were sharing it eually and ha"ing it together

withoutany omplaints. -hough they were li"ing a "ery low proflepoor lie, they were happy, they didn’t ha"e any omplaints

about their lie beause there was a big understanding between

them.

0=;E!-1=;I=@ is the biggest thing in our lie, it an make any

diHult things simple and easy. 0nderstanding keeps any kind o

relationship healthy, and I understood it that day.

I went down, and sit in a benh. By eyes were hea"y due to

tiredness so I deide to take a rest or awhile, a short nap.

1nd then a kinda mirale happened out there in that short

moment, it was like a lesson, like @od himsel was trying to

indiate me something.

In that short nap I reall my whole past, my happy times S my

sad times. It was like I was going to my past similar like we mo"e

towards our uture e"ery day. I was seeing mysel what I was right

now and at that "ery time my mind played suh a important roll

out there. I was seeing mysel turning younger and happier with a

re"erse time, I was also notiing my eah and e"ery mistakes

whih I did beore, I learned a lesson orm my eah and e"ery


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mistakes whih I let in my past and fgure out mysel what I’m

right now and at that time I realised that my silly mistakes o my

lie will lead me like this desperately like I’m right now, totally

helpless and I’m trying to kill my sel #ust beause I don’t want to

be burden or anyone anymore. -hat day I understand the "auleo lie how preious it is and how it beomes more "aluable when

you li"e or other and make e"ery one happy, it is the biggest

thing in this world to make someone happy when he is sad, that

eeling whih you eel ater helping someone seeing their happy

ae with a smile gi"ing a big thanks, it is the biggest wealth

anyone ould ha"e.

1nd suddenly I reahed my hildhood when I was small and e"ery

body lo"es me.

$hole amily doing "arious things to make me happy. I was in

my kindergarten lie again and I was happy and my e"ery amily

too with me. @oing or shopping with mom and dad demanding

the best but ore most spending my time together happily. -hen

all o a sudden I was dragged to my present again and fnding

mysel in my urrent situation. $here are all those peoples who

use to lo"e me when I was small, “%aha” now e"ery body hatesme, I’m burden or them hehe333..)

*0 *$= ;EFILEBE=-! ;E!-*M! LIFE3

@reed, hatred, and delusion, 1risen rom within himsel,

%arm an e"il:minded person as its own ruit destroys the tree.

“ G1MI=@ -%E GIAE3”

Lie wastes itsel while we are preparing to li"e. !ikness, old age,

and miseries and the payment we are making or oupying this


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body o ours as a house. $e ha"e to pay prie o ear and worry

or reating selfsh desires through our body.

-ime ed away too ast that I ouldn’t e"en remember how Ihanged rom what I was.

$hen I woke up I understand what almighty was trying to tell me,

$%1- -* ;* $I-% LIFE

In at, lie is a uniue e&periene. -here is nothing with whih to

ompare it no measure o its "alue ould be determined in termso some other things, and money annot stop were haurhase it.

Met, many not learned what to do with this prieless #ewel’. %ere,

lie does not mean mere physial body or senes, but the thinking

human mind.

It is diHult to ha"e a smiling ae when lie goes wrong, it is easy

enough to be pleasant when lie ows along like a song but the

man worth while is the man who an smile when lie goes deadwrong.

-he world is not big enough to reord human miseries,

I all the mountains were books and all the lakes were ink and i

all the trees were pens, still they would not suHe to depit all

the misery in this world.

It was like a another hane to pro"e that I’m not a looser to uit

beause I ne"er ga"e up in my lie beore it was uite amaKing .

=ow I get a reason to li"e again, now I deide to hange mysel no

matter what people says about me I’m not gonna bother. =ow I’m

gonna start a resh lie and this time I’m not gonna li"e or mysel,


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I en#oyed and did what e"er I liked, but this time will li"e my new

lie or other.

%*$ A1= -%EE /E 1 LIFE $I-%*0- !EG11-I*=+

-he /uddha reminded us that e"erythings that e&ists is

impermanent. $ith birth there is death with arising, there is

dissol"ing with oming together, there is separation.

%ow an there be a birth without death+ %ow an dere be artising

without dissol"ing+ %ow an there be oming together without

separation+

LIFE I! !%*- 3

/rie is the lie o men, -he wise man should not take delight

there in.

Let him at as i his head was burning on fre.

For there is no way whereby death omes not.

T /uddha

EPI!-E=AE3.

$e do not e&ist but struggle or e&istene.

FIDE -%I=@! ;IFFIA0L- -* @1I=3

Long lie, beauty, happiness, honour and hea"enly bliss.

LIFE B0!- %1DE 1= 1IB3

1n aimless lie is always a miserable lie.

@**; LIFE I! B*E IBG*-1=- -%1= -%E L*=@ LIFE3.

1 long lie may not be good enough, but a good lie is long

enough.


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-%E !IP /1!IA FE1! $%IA% ;IBI=I!% !ELF A*=FI;E=AE3.

4. -he ear o po"erty,'. -he ear o old age,9. -he ear o ritiism,

6. -he ear o ill health,. -he ear o death,7. -he ear o loss o lo"e o someone.

!-0@@LI=@ F* LIDI=@)In the eyes o the /uddha, li"ing beings tremble like fsh in a

stream that is almost dry, being in the grip o ar"ing, either

leaping hither and thither, like hares aught in a snare or

lost like arrows shot at night.%e saw the struggle o all against all, the senseless series o

predators trying to prey upon or rob their "itims.

B1= F**L! %IB!ELF3Ban ools himsel.%e prays or a long lie, but be ears old age.

0=!1-I!F1A-*I=E!! I! -%E =1-0E *F LIFE3J. 0nsatisatoriness ollows one like a shadow along the

pathway o lie.U. ;uring hildhood, he has to shoulder the demands o duty.5. In the prime o manhood, he struggles to support himsel

and his amily.4(. -he delining year bringing sikness, weakness,

dependeny, loneliness, su2ering and fnally death.44. !uh is the ate o humanity.

IBGEB1=E=AM I= LIFE3By lie is like the summer rose that opens to the morning

sky,/ut as the shades o e"ening lose is sattered on the

ground Q to die.


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I know it gonna be hard or me to do that but any how I will do it.

I things will go right and my luk a"oured me this time I gonna

do some thing “/I@” or mankind.


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$0ME SWEET AND SOUR MEMORIES

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Transcript of $0ME SWEET AND SOUR MEMORIES