DYSFUNCTIONAL VS.

FUNCTIONAL CONFLICT

COMMUNICATION

Cahn & Abigail

Think About It –

How do you feel about confronting others?

Did you feel positive or negative about it?

Did that affect the way you handled your past

conflicts?

Do you think you could be more successful if

you did not have a negative feeling about

conflict?

Effective Conflict Management

Acting and Reacting in ways that convert potentially destructive conflicts into productive ones.

When you discover a conflict, take action to deal with it:

Open Confrontation methods, or

Less-Direct “tacit” methods

For most people, conflict is a negative and destructive thing they want to avoid.

Other people see conflict as a productive way to make positive improvements.

An Example of Changed

Standpoint

The most valuable lesson I have

learned is that conflict is not

necessarily bad. I no longer see

conflicts as a danger to my

relationships. My acceptance of

conflicts as the result of relationships

has helped minimize the discomfort I

feel in conflict situations.

Dissatisfaction vs. Satisfaction

Dysfunctional when it leaves the participants

dissatisfied with the process/results.

Function when it leaves the participants

satisfied with the process/results.

Some conflict resolutions end with feelings of

dissatisfaction in the short-term that are

replaced, in the long-term, with total

satisfaction.

Enlarge Your View

It pays to enlarge your view of a conflict to

include:

Outcomes/Results, and also…

Your partner’s actual behavior within the conflict

itself as important measures of successful conflict

management.

Conflict is Destructive When

The relationship is harmed in some way.

When the partners do not manage conflict in a

way that is mutually-satisfying.

When conflict hostilities become the normal

way the partners deal with each other.

When the conflict escalates to the point where

it becomes separated from the original cause,

and takes on a “life of its own.”

Destructive Conflict Grows

When Partners fail to consider all reasonable options.

Issues grow in number

More people are pulled into the conflict

It starts “costing” people significantly more

The intensity of feelings escalates out of control

One side wants to physically hurt the other.

All involved start blaming everything on the others

Partners try to “get even”

Partners heavily rely on overt power

Partners descend to using manipulation

Productive Conflict Is Possible

When Conflict is kept to the issue

When only decision makers closest to the issue are involved

Costs to participants is held to minimums

The intensity of negative feelings is minimized.

Both participants help the other to “let go” of past feelings.

There are no escalations

There is no interpersonal violence

No use of overt power or manipulation

Both sides believe in a win/win solution

Positive/Functional Outcomes

What people are trying to achieve as they engage in conflict management

Some just want the conflict to go away.

Some just want an apology

Some just want the other person to listen, show concern, or pay attention to their wants, needs, interests.

Some want a personal feeling of fairness, acceptance as a person, and simple justice when wronged.

Everyone Has Preferred

Behavior Routines and Rituals are useful because repetitive

tasks are done without really thinking about them.

Sometimes, falling into a routine or comfortable behavior throws gasoline on the fire.

If your routine is to withdraw from conflicts, the conflict will get worse.

If you fail to fight for your issue today, your hands may well be tied in the future.

You may win this conflict and never have a positive relationship with the other person. Win/Lose or Lose-to-Win.

When In Interpersonal

Conflict…

Choose communication patterns that:

Reduce stress

Produce greater understanding of perspectives

Create more satisfying outcomes

Facilitates more frequent positive resolutions in

the future