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HOWARD BOOKS

A DIVISION OF SIMON & SCHUSER, INC.

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Howard Books

A Division o Simon & Schuster, Inc.

1230 Avenue o the AmericasNew York, NY 10020

Copyright 2013 by Si Robertson

Scripture quotations are taken rom HE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INERNAIONAL

VERSION, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by

permission o Biblica, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereo

in any orm whatsoever. For inormation address Howard Books Subsidiary Rights

Department, 1230 Avenue o the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Howard Books hardcover edition October 2013

HOWARD and colophon are trademarks o Simon & Schuster, Inc.

For inormation about special discounts or bulk purchases, please contact Simon

& Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or business@simonandschuster.com.

Te Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For

more inormation or to book an event, contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers

Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.

Designed by Davina Mock-Maniscalco

Jacket design by

Jacket art by

Manuactured in the United States o America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library o Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Robertson, Si, 1948-

Si-cology 101 : tales and wisdom rom Duck dynastys avorite uncle / Si Robertson.1st Howard Books hardcover edition.

pages cm

1. Robertson, Si, 1948 2. elevision personalitiesUnited StatesBiography.

I. itle.

PN1992.4.R5355A3 2013

791.4502'8092dc232013018290

[B]

ISBN 978-1-4767-4537-4

ISBN 978-1-4767-4539-8 (ebook)

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vii

Contents

PROLOGUE 3

CHAPER 1: Birthday Suit 9

CHAPER 2: Dynamic Dog Duo 15

CHAPER 3: Redneck Pets 23CHAPER 4: Book Report 29

CHAPER 5: Unidentified Walking Object 37

CHAPER 6: Snake Bit 43

CHAPER 7: Floating Log 49

CHAPER 8: Dancing with Wolves 55

CHAPER 9: Bumblebees 61

CHAPER 10: Kamikaze Pilot 67

CHAPER 11: C Is Always the Best Answer 73

CHAPER 12: Big Oa 81

CHAPER 13: Passing the est 89

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Contents

viii

CHAPER 14: Good Morning, Vietnam 96

CHAPER 15: Deuce and a Hal 105

CHAPER 16: Guard Duty 113

CHAPER 17: Leave It to Beavers 120

CHAPER 18: Black Market 127

CHAPER 19 Iced ea Glass 135

CHAPER 20: Te Woman o My Dreams 143

CHAPER 21: Newlyweds 151

CHAPER 22: Gods Blessing 157

CHAPER 23: rasa 163

CHAPER 24: Like Father, Like Son 171

CHAPER 25: Sleepwalking 179

CHAPER 26: Mass Murder 185

CHAPER 27: Semiretirement 193

CHAPER 28: Homecoming 201

CHAPER 29: Broken Heart 207

CHAPER 30: Faith 215

AFERWORD: Letters to Si rom His Family 221

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The naked truth

than the best-dressed lie.is much better

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9

Chapter

1

Birthday Suit

L on earth, I came into this worldin the buff. According to my brothers and sisters, I stayed thatway throughout much o my early childhood. For whatever reason,

I never liked to wear clothes when I was a boy, so I ran around our

arm buck nekkid. I guess I figured since God brought me into this

world in my birthday suit, I might as well wear it. Hey, some people

have it, and some people dont. Ive always had it, Jack!When I was born on April 27, 1948, my parents, Merritt and

James Robertson, were living in a log cabin outside o Vivian,

Louisiana. Te cabin was really rustic; we used an outhouse and

didnt even have hot water to take baths. I was the youngest o five

sons: Jimmy Frank was the oldest boy, ollowed by Harold,

ommy, and Phil. I had an older sister, Judy, and then my younger

sister, Jan, came along a ew years afer I was born.

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Si-cology 101

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Our log cabin sat on top o a hill and was surrounded by

about our hundred acres. Marvin and Irene Hobbs, Mommas sis-ter, lived at the bottom o the hill. Tey had several kids: Billy,

Mack, Sally, and Darrell, who were our first cousins. When

Momma and Daddy played dominoes at the Hobbses house,

Jimmy Frank was put in charge o the younger kids. Our cabin be-

came a prison, and Jimmy Frank was the warden. Hed walk out-

side the cabin, as i on patrol, making sure none o the younger

kids escaped, so we always called him the warden! We youngerkids wanted to go to the Hobbses house to play with our cousins,

but Jimmy Frank was under strict orders to keep us inside.

Tere were only two windows in the cabin, and they were

our routes o escape. As the warden marched around the log

cabin, one o us captives would watch him through the cracks

in the walls. When he made his way around the right corner,

wed all jump through the window and run down to the Hobb-ses house. At least there werent any sirens when we made our

getaway!

My daddy started working in the oil industry when he was

young, first as a roughneck, then as a driller and tool pusher,

and eventually he became a drilling superintendent. It was re-

ally hard work, but I never heard him complain about it. It was

an honest living, and even though we never had a lot o money,we always had enough ood to eat, which mostly came rom the

fields and gardens on our arm. And with so many kids around,

we were never bored and always seemed to find something to

keep us busy.

When I was a little bit older, we lef the log cabin and

moved to Dixie, Louisiana, which is about ourteen miles north

o Shreveport. We made the move because Momma suffered a

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Birthday Suit

11

nervous breakdown and was diagnosed as manic-depressive.

Living in Dixie made iteasier or her to get the

treatment she needed;

she spent a lot o time in

hospitals and the state

mental institution. I

loved my momma dearly,

and my brothers and sis-ters always say I was her

avorite child. Hey, what

can I say? Ive always had

that effect on women!

A lot o my ondest childhood memories occurred in Dixie. I

can still remember the day we drove to our house or the first

time. We unloaded out o a 1957 Chevrolet and a couple o kidsrom the neighborhood walked up. We introduced ourselves to

the boys, and the only way I can describe them is, well, they were

geeks. We wandered around the yard, exploring the place, and no-

ticed a big patch o woods about two miles rom the railroad

tracks in ront o our house. We asked the boys, Hey, whats over

there?

We have no idea, they told us.What do you mean you have no idea? I asked them. Have

you not been over there?

No, weve never been over there, one o them said.

Te next thing they knew, ommy, Phil, and I were racing

across the railroad tracks and into the woods. We drove the arm-

ers around our house slap insane by hunting on their land without

permission. One o the armers loved to chase us out o the woods

My brothers and sisters

always say I was Mommas

favorite child. Hey, what can

I say? Ive always had that

effect on women!

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Si-cology 101

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in his pickup truck. Every time we heard his pickup coming, wed

take off running like deer through the woods. We hid behind logsand in underbrush, looking or his truck at the top o a hill or in

the pecan orchard. It was like Wile E. Coyote chasing the Road

Runner. He never did catch us.

Years later, we ound out that chasing us was one o the armers

avorite things to do. Momma sold Avon cosmetics or a while, and

one day she was at the armers house selling products to his wie.

Momma apologized to the armer or our hunting on his land, buthe told her we were allowed to hunt on any o his property. Momma

thanked him and was getting ready to walk out the door.

Hey, wait a minute, he said. Dont tell them.

Well, you gave them permission, she said.

Oh, yeah, they can hunt on all o my land whenever they

want, he said. But dont tell them I gave them permission. I they

know they have my permission, they wont run rom me.Tat armer loved the chase. We ran rom him or about fi-

teen years and didnt even have to!

Phil, ommy, and I were always hunting or fishing. One o the

best things we did happened when the sun went down. When Phil

was ten years old, he got an air rifle or Christmas. I was eight and

got a Daisy BB gun. We spent every day going around the neigh-

borhood, shooting anything we could kill. When the sun wentdown, we got our flashlights and shined them under the awnings

over the windows o our neighbors houses. Birds loved to fly up

there and go to sleep. Guess what? We loved to shine our flash-

lights on the birds and shoot them! Every night, our neighbors

would be awakened by the clank! clank! clank!sounds.

Imagine their surprise when they opened the curtains and

saw a bare-bottomed gunman!

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