© No BS Weightloss Program | Self-Love Course Page 1 · 2021. 2. 15. · lifetime collecting data...

T a b l e o f C o n t e n t s Introduction 3

The Unconditional Self-Love Process 5

Self-Love Assessment 7

Feelings Matter 9

Feelings Matter Worksheet 11

What’s the Truth? 15

What’s the Truth Worksheet 17

Rewrite the Past 19

Rewriting Your Past Worksheet 22

Post-Traumatic Growth 25

Post-Traumatic Growth Worksheet 27

You 31

Opinion Worksheet 35

Body Image 39

Body Image Worksheet 43

My Self-Love Creed 45

My Self-Love Creed Worksheet 46

Time to Do You 47

Self-Care Worksheet 52

Embodying Your Future Self 55

Embody The Future You Worksheet 59

Do Over Worksheet 61


I n t r o d u c t i o n

Self-love happens in the moments; not in the

events. If you lose all of your weight, what’s the point if you still don’t like yourself?

Your brain is used to the way you think and feel about yourself. It’s spent a lifetime collecting data and storing it away in your subconscious. As you go through your days, your habit brain sends up what it knows as true.

The problem is what it knows is based on…

• Other’s people’s opinions. • What the world deems as acceptable. • A host of thoughts cemented at a young age before your emotional

intelligence matured.

Simply put, you’ve probably not questioned most of your personal beliefs about you because you didn’t realize they weren’t true.

And, you likely don’t know…

• How to change the story of you. • What things are true and what’s not. • The many ways you can signif icantly change the amount of love you give

yourself.

Your relationship with yourself is def ined in micro-moments when you look in the mirror, make a mistake, or compare yourself to others.

Yet, you might often confuse self-love with acts like baths or setting boundaries.


True self-love is an unconditional belief that you are worthy of your own love without conditions, achievements, or acceptance of others. When you love yourself…

• Accepting love from others is easier. • Cutting yourself some slack is natural. • Going after your dreams is less scary.

Remember these things as you work on your ability to love yourself…

Your past doesn’t limit your ability to love yourself today.

Your future self and you today are the same person. You need each

other.

Your self concept can change in one small belief shift.

Only YOU are responsible for your feelings.


T h e U n c o n d i t i o n a l S e l f - L o v e P r o c e s s

Step One: Find the old shitty thoughts about yourself.

Step Two: Be the scientist; not the judge.

Step Three: Go to bat for the new you.

Step Four: Act like the new person as if your life depends on it.


Self-love is more than a feeling. It’s how you show up for yourself and how you think about yourself.

You get to believe whatever you want about yourself. It only takes learning how to do it.

What you believe will determine how you feel and show up for yourself in every moment.

You currently have thoughts and beliefs about you that you just let run wild. These thoughts live in your subconscious making their appearance daily in the form of self-defeating behaviors.

They go unquestioned, unanswered with new thinking, and under the cover of food and alcohol. I call this The Asshole Cycle and it works like this.

1. Find old shitty thoughts about yourself. 2. Think you’re broken or get pissed at your thinking. 3. Take a bat to yourself (focus on past, re-live your mistakes, worry about the

future, blame people for why you feel like shit). 4. Keep doing same old shit creating a dependent life on others or substances.

The only way to change what you think and believe about yourself is to make sure you become the scientist.

Your old shitty thoughts will come up. What you do in step two is up to you.


S e l f - L o v e A s s e s s m e n t For each question, use the following scale to score:

1 = Never | 2= Seldom | 3 = Sometimes | 4 = Often | 5 = Always

Write 2-3 sentences why you scored yourself the way you did.

1. I respect myself. _____

2. I feel good about myself. _____

3. I feel that I have some good qualities. _____

4. I take a positive attitude towards myself. _____

5. I’m attentive to my own needs. _____

6. I feel love for myself. _____

7. I appreciate all of my unique qualities. _____

8. My actions reveal my positive attitude about myself. _____

9. I am comfortable just being me. _____

10. I feel like I am worthy even if people tell me different. _____

Add up the numbers and divide by 10. The closer you are to 5, the more self-love you have for yourself.

My score: ________

*This assessment is modif ied from the Tylka Body Appreciation Scale.


Reflecting on my answers, I notice…

Ideas I have for helping myself develop a stronger relationship with myself are…

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Do I believe I can do these things? Why or why not? If I don’t believe I can, what can I do that’s a simpler step?


F e e l i n g s M a t t e r Part of loving yourself means you let yourself feel ALL the feelings.

Your feelings matter. They are your brain’s way of telling you what’s going in your mind. They communicate what you believe, what you stand for, what you like and don’t like, and more.

Feelings try to tell you if you are safe or in danger. So they are important!

But if you think negative feelings are “bad” or something “you can’t handle” take a guess at what you DO?

You avoid feeling them…even to your own self-harm.

If you can learn to see that negative emotions are useful and that they can’t hurt you, you open yourself up to feeling instead of self-harming through food, isolating, and drinking.

Feelings Are Physical…And You Can Handle It

A feeling is the physical expression of the things you think. Each thought has a feeling attached to it and that feeling has a chemical cocktail. The cocktail is mixed up and then sent through your bloodstream. Your body then has reactions and THAT is what a feeling is. The way you physically feel is the way your body alerts you to what is going on in your mind.

Feelings have a typical life cycle of 90 seconds in the human body. So, they do end. They are caused by a thought, and there are ways to handle them.

This is important. Feelings aren’t caused by people, society, or events. Even if you don’t know the thought causing it, you can feel assured that you are the creator of the emotion. And, when you are the creator you are also the one in charge of feeling different if you choose.

Negative Feelings Aren’t Bad

Negative feelings alert you to your inner thinking. They are the indicator light going off on your dashboard begging you to check under the hood.

Sometimes you just need a perspective shift. Other times they are warning you to change a circumstance. Feelings aren’t bad. They are useful.


When you work on self-love you likely start with low to no belief you can change how you are.

But, that’s not true. All you have to do is…

Find an old shitty thought.

Be the scientist who knows “no thought is bad.”

Remember your thought doesn’t have to def ine your next best decision.

And, do the next best thing for you.

This is called Psychological Flexibility and it’s def ined as…

The ability to make the next best decision even when you don’t want to or it feels hard.

Instead of slapping happy thoughts on yourself to make you feel good, you just realize you don’t need perfect thinking to do things that are good, loving and kind for you.

This makes things WAY easier in the moment because you aren’t trying to feel good about something you haven’t un-believed as true yet. No more feeling fake or pretending to feel something you don’t yet.

Being the scientist means you acknowledge your thinking without judging it as good or bad. Then you go to bat for you by releasing needing to feel good. You just need to know “this is what I’m thinking” instead of believing what you think is a problem.

Examining your thinking in this way bypasses needing to jump to happy thoughts when you just aren’t ready. And it allows you to skip the part where you wish your thoughts away with frustration and disgust.

Bottom line.

Who cares if what you think is true? They’re words you think for a variety of reasons. And most of the reasons were based on incorrect assumptions.

If you want to do good things for yourself you get to do that even when your brain sends up the wrong orders and your body reacts.


F e e l i n g s M a t t e r W o r k s h e e t Answer the following questions.

When I think about myself, what are my top three thoughts?

Example: I’m a good friend, I’m overweight, I’m not good enough.

1.

2.

3.

Now list a ONE WORD emotion/feeling that comes up when you think that thought.

Example: Proud, Sad, Inadequate

1.

2.

3.


Take each thought and write about: when I think this thought, I want to remember ____________. I’d feel _______. And then I would do less ______ and more ____________.

Example: When I think I’m overweight, I want to remember that I’m

working on building a better relationship with myself. I’d feel calm.

And when I feel calm, I would do less obsessing over mistakes and

more thinking about what I’m doing right.

When I think…

I want to remember…

I’d feel…

And then I would do less…

And do more…


When I think…


I’d feel…


And do more…

When I think…


I’d feel…


And do more…


At some point you have to decide to be that woman

you always wanted to be.


W h a t ’ s t h e T r u t h ? There are two kinds of truth: the REAL truth and the PERCEIVED truth.

The real truth is what you decide in the moment to think with your conscious brain. Your conscious brain knows the actual truth because it’s the THINKER.

This is the part of our mind that separates us from the animals. It can think deliberately, focus on what’s needed in the moment, dream up your goals, and make decisions for the long-term.

The perceived truth is what your habit brain sends up. It’s f illed with negativity bias. This part of your brain is actually wired to remember pain, suffering, and anything bad. Over the years, it’s collected a lot of horse shit, put it on repeat and led you to believe this is the truth.

And guess what. It sounds like an asshole, too.

Why? Its job is to protect you. It’s still operating on the assumption you have real, physical and life threatening dangers all around you. It’s the survival mechanism we needed for 1000’s of years.

So this means your brain does a shit job of thinking positively and believing in you. Your perceived truths are wrong most of the time and this is important because we base our self-worth on what we think about ourselves.

One of the hardest concepts to adopt is that you are worthy without any reason other than you breathe air. Just being a human means you are enough. You don’t need to do anything to deserve your own love or admiration. You can love your flaws and focus on what’s right about you.

One of the biggest mistakes we make is looking outside of ourselves for worth and happiness. We must look inside for that.

And, at the same time remember that YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. You are the scientist who observes them. This means you get to toss out the perceived truths and decide on your reality.

Affective Forecasting

When I do ___________________ then I will feel ________________.

Affective Forecasting is when you base how you will feel in the future on what’s happening in your present life. If your present life is f illed with negative


emotion, you make the illogical conclusion that something like weightloss will make you feel better.

The problem is that what we feel right now is a product of the habitualized thought patterns of today.

If you are a perfectionist today, you’ll be one at goal weight still beating yourself up, never being good enough, and f inding others who are doing it better than you.

If you blame people for how you feel today, you’ll lose weight, not get the words of aff irmation you think you deserve and be stuck in feeling like victim. You’ll think, “Nothing I do is ever good enough”.

Your WEIGHT AND BODY are not the cause of your pain. Your thinking is and always will be.

You owe it to yourself to stop blaming your weight for your problems and start f iguring out your self-worth.

Once the high of weightloss is gone, the scale stops dropping and validating you, no one comments on your hard work, you go back to your usual thought patterns.

The impact bias you applied to weightloss is gone. You thought you would be happy, but you f ind that after you lose weight you just worry you’ll regain the weight. Or, you thought you’d be more liked thinner, but f ind most people treat you the same. You see, your weight changed, but how they think day-to-day didn’t.

After the initial high of achieving a goal, your brain re-calibrates and settles back into its usual thought patterns. That’s why it’s important you learn to THINK different as you lose weight. You must build your relationship with yourself and take ownership of your feelings now so you are equipped to do it later.

If you can’t feel a negative feeling at 250, you’ll have the same problem at 150 with less motivation to not eat over it.

Learn this skill now so you can enjoy yourself whenever you want.


W h a t ’ s t h e T r u t h W o r k s h e e t What do I want to be different about me in order to feel good about myself?

Why do I want it to be different?

What do I think I would be thinking, feeling, and doing if I was the way I wanted to be?

Take a look at what you would be thinking. Where is that already true, today?


What is the PERCEIVED truth you have now and then what is the REAL truth you are willing to think going forward about you?

PERCEIVED TRUTH REAL TRUTH


R e w r i t e t h e P a s t Your past and future exist in your mind. You think things about the past. How you think determines how you feel and show up for today. How you think, feel and do today determines your future.

This is why so many people can be great at setting goals or knowing what they want, but be terrible at doing what needs to be done.

Often they are shackled to their past experiences using it against themselves.

The past is now a collection of thoughts. And, over time your stories have become less and less factual. Think about the last time you told someone about something you regretted, you were ashamed of, or resentful of from your past.

Was it interesting? Full of how you felt, what you think was right and wrong?

That’s your story about the past and not the actual events. Most of us would put people to sleep if we had to stick to only the facts. Imagine for a moment what your life would be like today if you couldn’t attach opinion, judgement or feeling to your story? What would you be left with? What would you be doing in your life that your past can’t be blamed on anymore?

Who you believe you are, your self-worth, and your ability to love yourself today is based on stories that you tell yourself f rom experiences in your past.

Unless you knew how to be an empathetic witness to what was happening, your good ole habit brain was left to come up with a story.

You likely missed out on powerfully creating a narrative of how this would be an inner character building moment versus a moment where your inner character got more scared, harsher or came into question.

Rewriting the past is where you now have the chance to shift what was formerly seen as a negative experience into a positive one. There’s a great reframing technique by Dan Sullivan called, “The Gap and the Gain.”

According to Sullivan, most people are living in “The Gap.” They always see what’s missing. For example, you could weigh in this week, lose 1 lb. and think, “This is taking so long.” Or, you could have an overeat, do a Discovery Worksheet, and tell your accountability partner, “I’m having a hard time f iguring this out.”

That’s the gap.


You didn’t notice the fact that you are 1 lb. closer to your goal. You didn’t appreciate that you didn’t give up after an overeat, but rather you dug into the learning.

You only notice what’s wrong. You didn’t realize that you just gained something. You only saw the gap.

This is important to how your brain works. When you create meaning to your past or to facts, then you create a lens through which you see the world. It’s called selective attention. You “selectively” notice or pay attention to things that you allow your brain to keep thinking is important or relevant to your internal story. Your habit brain ignores any information that doesn’t f it with the story you let your brain believe.

You must start strategically remembering your past instead of reactively. You are the one who assigns meaning to your past. You’re the one writing and re-writing the story with each recollection and time you tell it.

HOW TO REWRITE A PAST EXPERIENCE

1. Identify a negative part of your past def ining you today.

2. Write the story as you remember it.

3. Highlight only the facts. Read out loud and make sure there is no opinion, judgment, feeling, rightness, wrongness, or adjectives. Make it so boring no one would care.

4. Think HARD. List the benefits and opportunities you get to have today because of that experience.

5. Rewrite the story as if you came out of it a hero for yourself. Question the motives of the people in the story. Open up to the new reasons why they acted the way they did so YOU get to feel better today about you.

6. Think about how this experience has shaped your view of life and of the world. If you looked at this event differently, how would that change how you view life? How would it change how you feel about other people and yourself?

It’s important to do this work for you. Not for others. But for you to feel better and change your life today. To see your life in a new way instead of through an old, dirty lens of the past.


What you THINK ABOUT TODAY is what you will GET TOMORROW. The only way your past exists today is in the thoughts you allow yourself to think. There’s no old pain or deep wounds. You have fresh feelings you feel today that are determined by where you ALLOW your brain to focus.

Your past successes and failures never predict your future unless you believe they do. Your thoughts about your future, your capabilities and your desires are what will always create your future.

Arguing with your past is a no win situation.

You might want it to be different or hold onto the idea it should be different, but that’s just torture. It hurts you to think it. Your past is just a fact now; it happened. The question becomes “now what?”

When you remove blaming your past, you are left with what you will do

with your present.


R e w r i t i n g Y o u r P a s t W o r k s h e e t Is my current general thinking about my life holding me back or moving me forward?

What is the HARDEST thing I’ve lived through?

What are the three BEST things that have ever happened to me?

Which do you think about most day-to-day? Why?

Sum up your past in ONE sentence to use going forward:

Corinne’s Sentence:

My past is over and my future is waiting for me.


Write about a painful story you keep telling yourself. It could be someone who hurt you or simply thinking you are a failure because you haven’t lost weight yet. We all have a story that keeps us stuck.

Think about it like this…if it weren’t for this one thing I would be happy or achieving my dreams.


Go back to the backstory. Underline the facts. Facts are what the entire world would agree with and have zero emotion attached to them. Once you underline them, list them here.

Think HARD. List the benefits and opportunities you get to have today because of that experience.


P o s t - T r a u m a t i c G r o w t h A key piece of letting go of your past is understanding how it impacts you today. Sometimes you just need to know the cost of not examining your story in a way helps you to feel better and learn more about yourself.

Your past experiences shaped you but that doesn’t mean you have to stay that way if you don’t want to.

There are three main ways we suffer today from not exploring our past.

Behaviorally (Overreacting, Eating, Drinking, Withdrawal, Lack of Self-Care, Pretending, People-Pleasing)

Physically (Tired, Weight Issues, Panic Attacks, Lack of Sex Drive, Headaches)

Emotionally (Depression, Low Self Esteem, Anxiety, Anger, Worry, Overwhelm)

But, there’s hope. When you decide to use your past to make today better instead of allowing it control over you, you open yourself up to experience post-traumatic growth (PTG).

PTG is def ined as positive psychological change experienced as a result of adversity and other challenges in order to rise to a higher level of functioning.

PTG does not discount the struggle with post-traumatic stress. What it does is offer hope that you can see yourself in a new way. It offers a way to love yourself no matter what’s happened to you. From being bullied, your mom putting you on a diet as a child, f riendships that ended on bad terms, to all kinds of abuse…trauma can be experienced in many ways.

If you’ve suffered trauma of any kind, don’t discount your experience. And if your trauma was abuse, neglect, and more, this doesn’t mean you have to start “getting over it.”

The great thing about PTG is that it works for anyone who is hurting today because of something they experienced in their past. It allows you to rewrite your history in a way you thrive today.

Maybe one day you’ll say things like…

• I discovered that I’m stronger than I thought I was. • I see that I can handle diff iculties. • I changed my priorities about what is important in life.


Rewriting your story can help you identify, get clear and solidify PTG. Each time you tell your new story you create new meanings and beliefs that trigger a new way of doing things in your present day.

It is the meaning you make of your past that shapes how you think,

feel, and do today.


P o s t - T r a u m a t i c G r o w t h W o r k s h e e t Write some ways you suffer from the story you keep telling yourself about your past.

Behaviorally (Overreacting, Eating, Drinking, Withdrawal, Lack of Self-Care, Pretending, People-Pleasing)

Physically (Tired, Weight Issues, Panic Attacks, Lack of Sex Drive, Headaches)

Emotionally (Depression, Low Self Esteem, Anxiety, Anger, Worry, Overwhelm)

Looking at the toll your story is taking on you, are you willing to start re-writing the story? Why or why not?


Time to do your f irst draft of your NEW story. You don’t have to get it perfect to get some emotional relief today. Re-write the pieces you are ready to let go. Anything you aren’t ready to let go, keep it but comment that this is a thought you aren’t ready to let go of. This signals to your brain that this IS a thought and not a perceived truth any longer in your present life.

Write the story over making you the hero. Write the lessons you learned and how it’s part of you moving forward today. I’ve given you additional questions to answer to help you make the story better…for you and your emotional well-being.


What might the people in your story have been thinking when they did what they did?

Why do you think they did what they did? Come up with lots of thoughts about why.


What were the struggles and frustrations they might have been trying to wrestle with?

What are three positive things you could begin thinking when you are triggered to think of the past?

1.

2.

3.

Do you feel any relief from this exercise? Why or why not?


Y o u The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. That relationship is based on the 60,000 thoughts you have each day. This is why you need f irm boundaries with YOU - clearly def ined expectations of what you allow yourself to think and believe. And, yes, you need to work on loving yourself instead of thinking it’s too hard.

Fuck that. So what if it’s hard? Welcome to having a human brain. Get over it.

Your worthiness is also a collection of your thoughts. You feeling worthy has nothing to do with anyone else in the world valuing you.

If you don’t value you, then you’ve already lost the most important opinion.

If you want to feel valued, worthy, and loved, get to work on your thinking instead of seeking someone else to do the job for you.

You can be disappointed in what they think, but that doesn’t mean you are less loved. It means they stink at validating others or loving you. You still get to keep your self-worth in tact through it all if you choose to.

You being worthy and loved is not defined by someone else’s emotional

capacity or skillset to love. It’s dependent on your thoughts about

you in the moment.

So often we mistakingly don’t love ourselves based on the opinion of someone else who is shitty at loving people. They aren’t good at it! Why base your self-worth on their lack of ability and skill to love?

To raise your own thinking standards of you tackle these key areas.


OPINIONS There are two kinds of opinions.

The ones you hear. The words were said to you.

The ones someone told you were said or your brain is assuming what someone is thinking.

Do you walk around feeling bad about yourself based on things people say or could be thinking?

So often that’s what you do. You just hear something or think something and agree by feeling bad and wishing people wouldn’t say or think those things.

That’s bullshit! Have you thought, “They are wrong about me.” Or, “They are right and that’s OK. I sometimes think that, too.”

The strongest mindset is one in which what someone else thinks isn’t more important than what I think of me.

And, by the way, people don’t think about you NEAR as much as you imagine they do, just saying.

QUESTION YOUR THOUGHTS Don’t take your thoughts too seriously. Remember, you don’t need a new happy thought to get relief. Simply ask, “Should I take this thought my brain just offered up seriously?”

Most often the answer is no. Maybe you are tired, overworked, or caught off guard. Don’t get too hung up in thought errors.

If you f ind yourself still obsessing over a thought you can also ask…

Who cares? Will this matter in f ive years, 5 months, or 5 weeks? Does anyone else have it worse than me right now?

QUESTION YOUR MISTAKES When you make a mistake are you obsessing? Ask yourself, “Why am I not spending my time thinking about the other 95% of my life that’s going just f ine?”


That’s called a reality check when you are making a mistake mean the end of the world as you know it.

QUESTION YOUR FEARS Nothing erodes your confidence and ability to love yourself like runaway fears.

Ask yourself these 3 questions about something you are afraid will happen. This opens up your mind and to see things for what they really are.

What’s the worst that could realistically happen? Paint a realistic picture. You know you won't be homeless, but you might be afraid you could lose your house.

If the worst happens, then what can I do about it? Create a small plan for how you could bounce back from the worst thing if it were to happen. This will start to create a mental safety net that makes things less scary.

And, you may f ind that you can actually bounce back quicker and a bit more easier than you had imagined.

If the worst does happen, how can I lessen the pain of it? By asking yourself this question and coming up with an answer, you’ll feel less emotionally exposed and regain even more of your own personal power in the situation.

GET OUT OF THE THOUGHT DEATH SPIRAL Sometimes your brain will loop over and over again. Time to question deeper.

What’s one good thing about this situation? What’s in my control right now? What can I do differently next time to have a better outcome? What would I tell my best friend if they were going through this?

CUT OUT SOME BULLSHIT Sometimes you just got to cut some bullshit loose. Of course you can change your thoughts whenever you want, but sometimes you need to change some THINGS to make it easier on yourself.


Cut out people on social who suck, stop reading magazines f illed with bodies that are 30 years younger than you, turn off of texts from old friends and boyfriends for a few days, and then add in some positive sources.

I wish you joy and happiness, but above all of

this I wish you love. Dolly Parton “I Will Always Love You”


O p i n i o n W o r k s h e e t What are f ive general criticisms you have of yourself and do you remember when they started? List the approximate age you remember having these opinions.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Wow. That long? Notice how criticizing hasn’t worked yet?


Where are you kind to yourself and where are you unkind?

Kind:

Unkind:

Where are you accepting of yourself and where are you judgmental?

Accepting:

Judgmental:

Where are you honest with yourself and where are you lying?

Honest:

Lying:

Where are you growing and where are you stalled?

Growing:

Stalled:


Handling Opinions of Others

How do you think and feel about other people’s opinions of you?

What can you say to yourself on the inside next time an opinion is stated?

What can you say out loud and do you feel like you will do it?

Go back to the f ive criticisms of yourself and decide NOW what your REAL truth going forward will be.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.


Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time.


B o d y I m a g e Body Image is the sum total of the thoughts and feelings you have about your body. It’s the perception you have of your physical self.

How you think about your body is broken down into four parts:

• The way you visually see your body. • The way you feel about the way you look or how satisf ied or dissatisf ied

you are with yourself. • Your actual thoughts and feelings about your body (I’ll look better when

I weigh X amount of pounds). • The things you do or don’t do for yourself based on how you look.

Your body image is important. When you have a positive body image you generally have a better sense of well-being. Your self-esteem is intact because you aren’t tearing yourself down. You feel comfortable and happy with the way you look and don’t go all HAM on yourself when you see unrealistic social media photos. And, you stay in tune with what your body needs. You respond to it by taking care of it instead of punishing it or numbing it out.

BODY DISSATISFACTION Negative thoughts and feelings about your body feel like shit.

Most of us grew up with terrible body image messaging. Society is obsessed with how we, as women, look. We’re taught that our appearance is a priority, people will love us more if we look a certain way, or our careers and social life will take off the moment we look the part.

You’ve likely learned through the years that if you just look a certain way or hit your goal weight that you’ll be happy. Kids tease you for your looks or friends are always talking about losing weight and never displaying happiness with themselves until “this” ideal is achieved.

We start to feel like we can’t measure up, we pick ourselves apart, and believe the narrative given to us and then further cement it in our mind. We blame our weight and our body for why we feel bad.

The problem is this: our feelings are created by our thoughts and NOT by our weight or looks. Even though society has handed out a lot of programming NOW is the time to decide how YOU want to think and feel. Now is the time to examine and question the narratives and thoughts swirling in your head.


Knowing where your current thoughts come from provides relief that nothing is actually wrong with you. We believe our thoughts when we don’t understand we’ve been handed our thinking. The reality is YOU get to decide what you think about you.

Think for a moment about all the emotional energy you use on your hair, your skin, wrinkles, weight, or thighs.

Think about the anxiety you have about what you eat, if it’s right or wrong, or if you should workout or not.

If you took all of that and poured it into caring for yourself, choosing love over dissatisfaction, and redefining what’s right for you…what would life be like each day?

You may have never questioned anything you believe about your body, wondered if this is the standard you want or examined how these standards even started in society and for you.

Remember, your body is your decision. You get to decide anything you want about it and why. You get to decide why your body exists, what its purpose is, how you want to treat it, what healthy is for you, and what beautiful is to you.

WHAT CAN YOU DO If you have a negative body image you can get obsessed with trying to change your body and its shape. Often this leads to binge and restrict cycles, cutting out foods you love as punishment, establishing food rules that are unrealistic and not based on the life you want to live, and developing workout patterns that are unhealthy or not even fun.

And, you do all this horse shit in hopes of feeling “better” about your body or to at least stop feeling bad about it. You mistreat yourself to feel better.

The problem is mistreating yourself and creating a food and exercise life that sucks doesn’t help you think better about yourself. You just end up creating cycles doomed to fail that lead to more shame, disappointment, and guilt.

Remember this, some parts of your appearance aren’t going to change. You got your genes determining how you look. But, you get to decide if your genetics are right or wrong. It’s time to challenge your beauty ideals about your weight, shape, size and appearance.

You have the power to change how you think and feel about you. You can do this by…


Focus on your positive qualities, skills, and talents. You are MORE than your body. Don’t forget that.

Stop the beatdowns when they start. Draw a line in the sand that you don’t talk to yourself like this anymore. Then, for each negative attack, retaliate with what’s right about you.

Start thinking about your body as more than just how it looks. Think about what it does for you. Your body has millions of cells each day loving you. It will tell you when it needs food and water. It will tell you when you need rest. It just needs you to listen and love it.

Set goals around the things you do FOR YOURSELF instead of just weightloss goals. Track habits you do that you love. The habits you establish because you like them and want to do them.

Mix up what you see. View women of all body types to normalize bodies. And if you catch yourself comparing, remind yourself that she can look good while you f ind what’s right about you at the same time.

Look at more pictures and images of yourself. Normalize yourself to your own body. The brain is designed to prefer familiarity.

If you don’t like your photos it’s because they are unfamiliar to you. You might have stopped looking because you only BASH yourself to an oblivion.

Here’s what happens. You get used to the version of you in the mirror. That’s the view of yourself you see all the time.

When you take a photo, you usually end up looking different than you do in a mirror. One, your face is reversed and that looks different. Two, different kinds of lenses, distance from the camera, angles, lighting, and backgrounds can make photos look different even if taken seconds apart.

So what do you do? Start taking photos and TALK NICE no matter what. Practice looking at the experience rather than pulling apart your body.

And, just remember, it’s normal to have an angle that’s not flattering. It’s normal to not like what you see but that doesn’t mean you have to stew about it, let that be the last word, or stop you from looking at your body.

Remember, your opinion of you is up to you. Not the camera, society, or the mirror.


I’m obsessed with becoming a woman

comfortable in her own skin.


B o d y I m a g e W o r k s h e e t Where are you settling or holding yourself back due to how you look? Your weight?

When you look at your newsfeed are you seeing people like you now who are happy and loving themselves? Are you normalizing your current body and seeing photos of a normal body at your goal?

What do you want to be different about your body?


Why do you want it be different?

What do you believe your body should be able to do and look like?

What would you be thinking and feeling each day if your wish came true?

How can you think those things about you TODAY so you can FEEL GOOD about you today?

What is your body’s purpose and worth?


M y S e l f - L o v e C r e e d Having a personal self-love creed puts a stake in the ground with YOU. It states these are the new ground rules by which you operate.

Use the following page to write your creed. The following are things you can consider to give you ideas.

I take care of my body each day in ways that feels good for me and

isn’t ever based in should’s or have to’s.

I don’t talk shit to myself. Ever.

Everything I do for me, big and small, MATTERS. I refuse to belittle

or demean my efforts.

I can go at my own pace.

I can make mistakes and be there for myself.

What I eat is not a morality statement.

I exercise only in ways I like and if it feels like a gift.

I respect myself even if I have things I want to change about me.


M y S e l f - L o v e C r e e d W o r k s h e e t Write your creed here.


T i m e t o D o Y o u Self-love means…

• Having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. • Taking care of your own needs without needing others to do it. • Not sacrif icing your well-being to please others. • Knowing you are deserving of your own love as well as the love of others.

When these things are intact, self-care becomes easy. Self-care is a result of loving thoughts and feelings you have about yourself.

So many people say, “Self-care is so hard.” It’s not. Self-care is just an act and if it feels hard to do then it’s due to a thought you have about it.

There’s two parts to developing a good self-care routine.

1. Think about self-care in a way that feels good versus like shit. 2. Learn what self-care activities you can do that are doable and feel like they

contribute to your health and well-being.

THOUGHTS THAT JACK SELF-CARE

You think self-care isn’t that important because you are getting by each day. Your body is resilient. You can neglect it and not only will it keep working but it will alter itself to keep up with shitty habits. You might not realize the toll it’s taking because you can “push through.”

Every choice and action does have effects. You may just be so deep into exhaustion and neglect that nothing really seems to be “bad enough” until something drastic happens.

If you could experience f ive seconds of how good you could feel with good self-care you would have endless motivation to keep it going.

You think “self-care’s not that important.” This is a direct hit to your self-worth. Saying self-care doesn’t matter that much is like saying I don’t matter.

Low self-worth tricks you into believing that your own health, personal development, or rejuvenation doesn’t matter. It’s not true.


You do matter. How you take care of yourself with thought and action signals to your body and mind that you DO MATTER.

You think self-care is self ish or takes away from others. This also implies low self-worth because you think another human is more important instead of equal, but it also makes you feel guilty.

Self-care = self-responsibility. Not selfishness.

Look, if your def inition of self-care means you ignore people you love and purposely cause suffering to get your message, then yes. You are self ish. But that’s not what self-care is.

Caring for yourself doesn’t equal someone else’s suffering. What is your intent? To make sure you get yours and everyone is punished? Or is it to care for you so you can stop being so short-tempered, ill, or worn out when somebody wants to talk to you after a long day?

I know it can be hard to f it self-care into your life, just time-wise and energy-wise. Twenty minutes when you park your ass on the couch is twenty minutes you’re not spending with your kids, or doing all that shit on your to do list.

But skimping on self-care is not going to help you get those million things done. It might work some of the time but eventually you are burned out, resentful, and eating your face off to cope.

Self-care comes in all kinds of forms from laying on the couch for 10 minutes to staying hydrated on days you are busy.

Self-care can also mean relaxing your unrealistic expectations on yourself. Sometimes the best self-care is looking at your personal expectations and to do lists and truly evaluating if this is even what you want to be doing. Often we ignore our basic wants. Self-care is paying attention to them.

You think you don’t know HOW to self-care. Self-care is an intention, and a process of experimenting to f igure out what you want and desire.

There’s loads of ways to self-care. You just need to quit saying you don’t know how and start thinking you’ll f igure it out.

You think someone else should help you or do it for you.

One suref ire way to fail at self-care is by expecting someone else do it for you. This is a sign you are not loving yourself enough. You seek others to prioritize


and provide your self-care for you so that you can THEN feel loved and in control.

Another person might be able to perform the actions. They can keep your space clean, say all the words, or even hold you accountable to your weightloss.

But, that’s not the same as you doing it. A person who loves you doesn’t need to show you by doing your job for you. When you do your own self-care you learn how to take care of you and build your self-worth.

You can outsource some self-care tasks, like cleaning or cooking. And that can be exactly what is self-caring in a situation. But be careful to remember:

Self-care is your responsibility, your way of building your self-worth,

and ultimately your pleasure and joy.


WHAT’S DOABLE SELF-CARE Doable self-care is what you decide you need. It reflects what you enjoy and what you desire most. And, self-care is also how you speak internally to yourself. In fact, that’s the cheapest, quickest and easiest place to start.

Ideas are: • Daily journaling that includes gratitude and focusing on what you are

doing right in the world. • Short, easy walks with music. • Slow down when you catch yourself rushing. • Lay down for 5 minutes without apology to self or others. • Ask your best-friend to text a funny GIF every day. • Take a shower! • Clean up your social media feeds. • Saying no to unplanned food because you’re tired (giving you a chance to

f igure out how to truly get rest). • Waiting for hunger so you can savor your food. • Stopping at just enough to experience control and ease around food. • Add social accounts that promote positivity.

Speaking of social media feeds, humans experience something called the “mere-exposure” effect. This is a process where we start to prefer and like things we see most often.

Images of these things set our baseline – and when it comes to body image, it’s what we compare ourselves to. If you are constantly consuming images of women who look different than you do and being told this is what looks and feels good, you will condition your brain to like those bodies over your own.

By replacing some of those images with women who look like you, you recondition your brain to see a new image as the “default” and learn to prefer it.

This works with mind work, too. When you read inspiring things you think about possibility. When you read argumentative bullshit you feel bad. That’s not self-care at all.


Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of

you.


S e l f - C a r e W o r k s h e e t I choose to think this about self-care:

What do I think about the importance of practicing self-care?

I will practice self-care because I want to feel…

What are the obstacles to practicing self-care daily? And, how can I overcome at least one of them?

Do I have a solid morning routine? What’s working and what do I need?


How will making myself a priority positively impact my life?

If I loved myself unconditionally, how would I treat myself?

What does bedtime look and feel like? Is there anything I need to change?

What acts of self-care truly make me happy?

How can I add more love and joy to my day-to-day life?


What can I do to add more ease and relaxation to my day?

When I’m really busy how can I f ind 10 minutes of time for myself? What can I do in that time?

Does my self-care feel like a chore or an item on my to-do list? What can I change to make it easier?

What personal needs am I sacrif icing to meet the needs of others?

When is the best time in my day to practice self-care?


E m b o d y i n g Y o u r F u t u r e S e l f When I was losing weight, I embodied my future self. I constantly talked about being someone losing their weight for good. If you could listen to what I said on the inside it was f illed with…

I like being someone who makes better choices each day.

I’m training for a race (even if it was the FIRST one and I was walking).

Rather than embodying my old identity that would say…

I can’t eat this or I won’t lose weight.

I’m just walking just so you know.

I talked internally and externally like the person I wanted to become.

I made a decision to see myself as the person changing her life instead of someone hoping she wouldn’t fail.

The idea is that if you live and think AS IF you were already happy, at your goal, or living your dream you will start making decisions and taking actions that will lead you closer to that reality.

It’s the simple think-feel-do cycle. You think things, you’ll feel things, and then you’ll do things.

Say one of your goals is to lose your weight, then you need to practice the four basics every day no matter what.

You’ll create a positive feedback loop and the decision to make plans, pay attention to your hunger, drink water, and get your sleep, signals you are doing things someone who loses their weight does.

Even if it’s imperfect your brain will see you as someone working towards weightloss each time you keep going.

And over time you become someone who f igures out obstacles and loses their weight.

If you want to love yourself, you will ask yourself: “How would the loving version of me set up their day today? What would the loving version of me do when I eat off plan?”


The idea is that you need to embody the idealized version of you so that you start to believe this is the person you TRULY are. Then you just live your life as if you are already that person.

OWNING YOUR SELF-IDENTITY You might be stuck in your goals because you are stuck with acting from a broken thought.

How have you labeled yourself? It’s important to know because the label you have is the one you base your choices on. You are always creating your future self. Every day, every thought, and every choice creates the future you in a week, month or year.

What you tell yourself each and every day will create your psychological set-point. Remember when we talked about affective forecasting? Your happiness that weightloss was supposed to give you falls apart because the newness of it wears off and the labels you operate from take back the controls of your actions. What you say to yourself day in and day out determines your success long-term. Do you think you are worthy no matter what or have a hard time feeling worthy?

The truth is what you repeat.

When you OWN your identity you instantly improve your life.

Imagine if you always thought, “I’m f iguring out weightloss. I’m worth the work. Mistakes are part of my process to losing every single pound I choose to. My body is helping me f igure out what it needs. I love treating myself well and f iguring out my real needs.”

Would you be so quick to give up or eat your face off after a weigh in where you didn’t lose or day you overate because you were tired?

I doubt it.

How different would your life be if you talked to yourself like a boss as often as possible?

Words are so powerful.

You have certain things that you absolutely believe to be true about yourself.


Some are positive and some suck the oxygen out of the room.

You have to change your thoughts and beliefs about you. It takes time and that’s OK. You have to embody these new beliefs by doing things ahead of time just like the version of you that’s already arrived.

As George Bernard Shaw says… Life isn’t about f inding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

You can do this work. You don’t have to lie to yourself. When you think something you are trying to believe feels fake that only means you haven’t thought it enough and acted as if enough yet.

Deciding how to think and then acting as if is the f inal part of our Unconditional Self-Love Process.

We’ve uncovered a ton of your old shitty thoughts.

We’ve looked at things with the lab coat on, f iguring out where we got our stories and understanding our past in a whole new way.

We’ve worked on creating new beliefs and thoughts so you can start thinking like the version of you that you want to be.

And, the last part is doing the things the future you does. Thinking the things the future you does.

So what will you tell yourself, about yourself, today, next week, next year?

Will you decide to be kind, loving, brave, caring, supportive, authentic, and strong? What will you decide to believe about you? And, will you own it? Will you show up as the new you even before you believe it? I hope you do.


Your future self is watching you through

memories. Make it something worth

watching.


E m b o d y T h e F u t u r e Y o u W o r k s h e e t I want to be the person who…

Why is this important to you?

How can you embody the future you now? How will you…

Dress:

Speak:

Wake-Up:

Go to Bed:

Move Your Body:

Self-Care:

How do you…

Sit:

Stand:

Take Care of Your House:

Plan Your Day:

Talk to Loved Ones:

Eat:

Other:


What will be hard about doing this?

What will you tell yourself when it’s hard to be this person?

ACTING AS IF…WHAT YOU CAN START DOING NOW

WHEN YOU… DO THIS…

Talk shit to yourself Say something nice

Obsess over the mirror Cover it with a towel

Have clothes that don’t f it Donate, pack away, get something that does

Get a compliment Say thank you (duh)

Compare yourself to others Say something nice about you

Make a mistake Say I’m human and learn from it

Pick your pictures apart Think about the experience instead of your body


D o O v e r W o r k s h e e t Imagine you could do over parts of your life.

The you today gets to visit with you’s of the past. You get to share lessons learned, what you wish you knew, and wisdom you’ve collected.

Write to your past you’s. What would you tell her? What words of compassion and love would you tell her? What does she need to know?

You as a toddler just starting out in the world and f iguring herself out.

You as a teenager def ining herself in this world.

You starting adulthood, maybe when you f irst had kids or started your career.


Now, let your future self who is the wiser, older version of you looking back on her life talk to you.

What do you need to know right now that helps you change your life after this weekend? What does your future self tell you to do f irst, to stop doing, and to focus on going forward?


© No BS Weightloss Program | Self-Love Course Page 1 · 2021. 2. 15. · lifetime collecting data...

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